The Heroes Parody Project 2
by Spencer44
Summary: The final episode of the Season/Volume. Peter and Mohinder have the final showdown with Munroe, Niki has to find a way to rescue Monica from Stiles, and Sylar is in for a few surprises.
1. Haunted

The Heroes Parody Project 2

Chapter 1: Haunted

Warning: There are a few spoiler-ish moments, make sure you have some knowledge about the newest season of Heroes.

Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright of NBC. That means that all characters, events, and powers belong to them. Anything else has just been made up, though any similarities from any such names or events are completely coincidental.

-Volume 4: Remnants-

_Look! The world is spinning! Oh that crazy world, is there anything it can't do?_

Mohinder: _The oncoming stages of evolution are upon us. We as individuals have no choice but to adapt to their mysterious ways. Time goes on but we cannot stay safe forever. Darkness is upon us, and it is up to us as individuals to unite, and save the world, for the evil and villainy never ends. _

Student: Uh…that's nice and all, but aren't you going to start the class already?

Mohinder: Oh right….-ahem-…..My name is Dr. Mohinder Suresh, due to a technicality I am your substitute 'Sewing 101' professor. Everyone grab your needles!

The students do so.

Mohinder: Great! Now take the needle and sort it through like this….OW!.....ohhh…..I have a boo boo……

Student: Did he just say '_boo boo?'_

Mohinder: Well, it's a good thing I have some extra (searches through his bag)….band-aids…..(he pulls out a roll of duct tape)…..GAH?! (He pulls out a letter)

_Dear Mohinder,_

_Sorry about the tape, I used all your band-aids to repair my Slip & Slide. I tried to use my surf board on it and well…yeah you can pretty much see how that turned out. Hope this helps you with any wounds you may have. And may all your dreams come true or something. Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars. When life hands you lemons, make some apple juice. I'm ripping off pages of Niki's inspirational calendar…let's see, what's good…oh this is boring, let's try her diary! _

_Dear Diary,_

_That nasty boil came back again. It's the size of three football fields! EWWW! That's the grossest thing I've ever heard in my entire life! Let's read on…OH CRAP! It's NIKI! She's screaming and throwing things. AHH! Mohinder, HELP! She's got a chainsaw! EEEEEEEEEKKK!!! NIKI! Stay back! Just don't hurt my face, it's my money-maker! NOOOOOOOO!_

Mohinder: ……I should really put in for new roommates.

---

_Mohinder, Matt, and Niki  
On a plane to a paradise resort  
Leavin' on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again…_

On a plane headed to a beautiful paradise island, Mohinder, Matt, and Niki are…well….sitting….in a plane….headed to a beautiful paradise island.

Mohinder: Ahh, this is nice….

Matt: You're telling me! I can't wait to check out the beaches!

Niki: I'm going to work on my tan…

Mohinder: Now remember, this isn't a vacation. I'm attending the National Scientists Convention….which just so happens to be held at a luxurious resort hotel.

Matt: Beaches.

Niki: Tan.

Mohinder: Hmph! Well, I'm going to talk with my associates and give them my findings on the Daniel Ryan case. Hopefully it will give us some insight on what happened to Peter.

Matt: Beaches.

Niki: Tan.

Mohinder: Fine, don't pay attention. Ok, let's see what in flight movies they have…..

Niki: The movie selection blows! The only thing they're playing is _'Quaker Oats: The Movie!'_

Mohinder: Yikes!

_Claire Bennet  
The Bennett Home  
Looks like Mr. Muggles had an 'accident' on the carpet, that's okay, Lyle will take the blame._

Claire comes trudging down the stairs. She slumps into the kitchen.

Sandra: Morning, Claire! Would you like some breakfast?

Claire: Sure, why not?

Sandra: So, what are you going to do today?

Claire: Well, I do need to look around for some good colleges. But I think I'll take a little break. Maybe _five or six more seasons should do the trick_.

Sandra: That's the spirit! Here's your breakfast.

She slides a giant mass of black goo on Claire's plate.

Claire: UGH! What the?

Sandra: It's organic!

Claire: It looks…..delicious….(trying not to toss her cookies…which she hasn't eaten any…which would just result in dry heaves…and nobody likes those)

Suddenly, there's a knock at the door.

Claire: I'LL GET IT!

She jumps out of her chair and rushes to the front door and opens it to a man and woman dressed in black.

Claire: Uh…..you guys don't look like the normal girl scouts….but it's no biggie….I'll take two boxes of thin mint cookies please!

Woman: I'm sorry to disturb you on such sort notice….my name is Sophia Evans and this is my husband Marty, we're _Sunny's aunt and uncle_…..

Claire: _AHHH! NOT SUNNY! Anybody but her!_

Sophia: Oh good! You remember her. So you'll speak at her funeral?

Claire: F…f…f….funeral?

Sophia: Yes, she would want her bestest friend to say some kind words about her.

Claire: Well, we weren't really the best of friends…..and not to sound callous but _she died two volumes ago, why are you having the funeral now?!_

Sophia: Oh….you know….

Claire: …uh….actually I don't…..

Sophia: So much has happened…..but enough about that….

Claire: That doesn't answer my question.

Sophia: So you'll give the eulogy?

Claire: Ugh….sure….when is the funeral?

Sophia: 4 o clock.

Claire: TODAY!?

Sophia: Yes, we hope to see you there! Good day to you Cindy!

Claire: It's Claire…..ugh….man…..

She slams the door.

_Noah Bennet  
Driving down the road  
Watch out for the squirrel! He didn't signal when he changed lanes! NOOOO!_

Noah: Stupid squirrels.

Noah's phone rings.

Noah: Yeah.

Haitian: Hey, you should probably get down here quickly. We….have a situation….

Noah: I'm driving as fast as I can! I'm pushing three miles over the speed limit…._THREE!_

Haitian: _You dare devil_. Anyway, get here quick…..

Noah: Fine!

He hangs up.

Noah: HEY! (Leans his head out the window) _USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL JERK!_.......That squirrel just gave me the finger! How rude….wait, squirrels don't have fingers…..

_Nathan Petrelli  
The Deveaux Rooftop  
Looking in the horizon, good thing nobody is living in this building, oh wait, there is._

Woman: Honey, that strange man is on the rooftop again!

Man: Ah, leave him alone. He ain't bugging anybody.

Nathan: ……

Nathan's phone rings, he answers it.

Nathan: Hello?........

Voice: I have the information you seek.

Nathan: And that is?

Voice: The whereabouts of your brother, you must meet me at this address….

Nathan: Absolutely….wait….how do I know if I can trust you?

Voice: You don't have any other leads.

Nathan: No, I suppose not. Okay, where are you located?.......Okay, I'll be there in a snap….

Voice: You may _not use any abilities to reach me_.

Nathan: …..I beg your pardon?

Voice: You heard what I said…..good day to you Mr. Petrelli.

Nathan hangs up the phone and walks back inside and into the kitchen, he makes himself a peanut butter jelly sandwich.

Woman: _DO YOU MIND!?_

Nathan: Oh crap, right…..I'm leaving, I'm leaving….

---Okay, turn the world slowly…..slowly…careful….CRAP you broke it….._Heroes---_

Noah gets to his office downtown and drinks his coffee while in the elevator. The coffee cup reads:

_CHAPTER 1: HAUNTED_

Noah: Man, these drinks sure have some weird crap in them…

Noah gets off on the top floor and makes his way to the lounge area, because every business needs one, whatever business it is they are running. Noah nods to the Haitian and turns his attention to Elle.

Noah: AHHH!

Elle: What?!

Haitian: She's been like this for hours.

Elle is plopped on the couch with a bucket of Triple Chocolate Chunk Ice Cream…..which has had _widening repercussions_.

Noah: Um….Elle…..

Elle: Yes?

Noah: Hmm…..let's see….how can I put this delicately……._You've gotten kinda fat_.

Elle: _WHAT?!_

Noah: I'm sorry that came out wrong, I meant to say……._You've gotten kinda fat_.

Elle: _I'LL KILL YOU!_

Noah: Now, now….no need to make a big deal about it……I'm sure her boyfriend had a good reason to break up with her…..

Elle: I'm not having man trouble, you jerk face……I'm just……a little down in the dumps.

Noah: Oh, is that all. GREAT! Back to work.

Elle: _I wasn't finished talking_!!

Noah: Oh….

Elle: I don't know…..yeah, Sylar's gone missing again. And we'll sit around here bored until he comes back because he always does.

Noah: Yes, those are his contractual obligations.

Elle: I mean it just gets boring. I mean just sitting around here with you two…..it sucks!

Haitian: Sorry to disappoint you.

Noah: Whatever. Anyway, believe it or not….I too know what it's like to have a boring life.

Elle: Well, that's obvious.

Noah: What's that supposed to mean!?

Elle: Well, all you do is come here, go home, gripe at your daughter for trying to do things, and deal with your crazy wife and her dog Toto or whatever it's name is……

Noah: Hmm….good point.

He swipes the bucket of ice cream away from her.

Noah: My advice, get a hobby, make a friend, I don't care…….Now, where's that spoon?

The Haitian buries his head in the pillows.

Mohinder approaches the front desk at the Bombay Resort Hotel.

Clerk: Hello!

Mohinder: Yes, I had a room reserved……Suresh…….Mr. Suresh……._Dr. Mr. Mohinder Suresh_…..

Clerk: Uh…..yeah…..let me check….yes…..we have your three bed room available.

Niki: Oooh! You got us three separate rooms! You're a life saver.

Mohinder: And waste that much money, are you nuts? I got _one room with three beds in it_.

Niki: WHAT?! How is that possible? We'll be scrunched!

Mohinder: Well, we're only going to be here for two days, why blow such much money?

Niki: I'm a girl! I need an extra room!

Mohinder: You'll be fine.

Niki: Okay, I'm traveling with _you two._ I need an extra room.

Mohinder: Again. You'll be fine.

Niki: UGH!

Back at the Bennet's.

Claire: A Eulogy. I have to give a Eulogy!

Sandra: Oh, that's wonderful!

Claire: Uh…..that's not really something you jump for joy for, mom.

Sandra: It's always good to pay your respects.

Claire: I didn't respect her! She was a _villain_. She was a very bad lady.

Sandra: That's nice dear. Anyway, I'll be back in a few hours. I have to go to the eye doctor.

Claire: I have a feeling your not paying attention to me.

Sandra: Bye, Claire! Enjoy your slumber party or whatever!

Claire: -Groan-…..

Nathan is back home packing his bags for his trip. There's a knock at the door.

Nathan: I hope it's those stupid girl scouts, I've been waiting for my Thin Mint Cookies for months!

He opens the door to find Hiro.

Hiro: _FLYING…_Oh….sorry…..Mr. Nathan.

Nathan: Oh, it's just you…….

Hiro: How are you today, good sir?

Nathan: Fine…..and don't call me sir.

Hiro: _Yes Maam! _

Nathan: _Don't call me that, either!_

Hiro: Oh….

Nathan: What do you want?

Hiro: I was just in the neighborhood…..

Nathan: Where's you little friend?

Hiro: Ando? He has a part time job…..

Nathan: Oookay…..and why are you here again?

Hiro: I was hoping I could accompany you on your journey.

Nathan: No thanks……Wait…..How did you know where I was going….?

Hiro: Uh….

Nathan: _Were you eavesdropping on my telephone conversation!?_

Hiro: It was an accident, the lines got tied!

Nathan: If I was still the Senator, I'd have you thrown in prison……then released…..then thrown in again….yes….that would do nicely.

Hiro: Yes, I remember when you were the Senator, then you weren't…..and you went into a deep depression and grew that _Giant Oreo Cookie Beard_!

Nathan: It wasn't that bad…….why am I having this conversation with you? Go away…..

Hiro: You were talking to the Great Mental Master _Ken-Po Gi_! I recognize that voice!

Nathan: Ken-What?

Hiro: Ken-Po Gi was a brilliant….

Nathan: I DON'T CARE! Ugh…..if this is anything like that whole _Shinko_ debacle, I don't want any part of it. _Because we all know how well that turned out_.

Hiro: Oh please….Ken-Po could run laps around Shinko…..

Nathan: Still…..not….caring…..well, just teleport us there and we can find out what the hell happened to my brother!

Hiro: AHH! No…..Ken-Po is a Master of the Mind! He is watching us even as we speak…

Nathan: That's creepy….

Hiro: In order to speak with him. We must prove our honor without using our abilities….and travel….._on foot_.

Nathan: _NOT ON FOOT!_

Hiro: Yes! On foot….we must make haste……

Nathan: _NOT HASTE!_

Back at the office, Elle walks into the conference room.

Elle: Hello, peeps!

Noah: Uh…..Elle, what happened?

Elle: What are you talking about?

Noah: You've lost all your weight….._in 15 minutes_.

Elle: Oh, no worries…..I have electricity coursing through my veins. It automatically burns off any excess pounds I gain.

Noah: WHAT!? That's just stupid!

Elle: Oh well……anyway, I have taken your advice…..

Noah: Well, I've only advised you to either quit or move to the moon, so either one would be just gravy!

Elle: I'm going to get into _Internet Dating_.

Noah: Hmm….I'm pretty sure that didn't come out of my mouth, but whatever you need to do to get your sub-plot moving along.

Elle (hops on the computer): Now, I need a screen name…….ElleGirl53……damn, taken………BeautifulBishop13…….taken…….HotStuff111111…….taken!?......ugh…….LightningLady18…….ARRRGH! Taken…..

Noah: _Lightning Lady?_ Seriously?!

Elle: Shut up! I don't see any names being thrown out by you.

Noah: I mean anything's better than that! That's just…..horrible.

Elle: Well, what do you suggest?

Noah: How about……_Soul Sister_.

Elle: Mr. B……_Soul Sister?_..........._I LOVE IT!_

She types it in.

Elle: Hmm….taken…..but it will let me be _Soul Sister495,222,389_. DONE!

Noah: Uh huh……

Back at the resort, Niki is walking near the pool.

Niki: Ahh, now this is nice.

Matt (in the pool): NIKI!

Niki: Oh crap, it's Parkman…..why did he have to follow me here?

Matt: Niki! Come quick! I need your help.

Niki: Matt, what the hell do you want?

Matt: Niki! You've got to help! _I dove in the pool and lost my swimsuit_.

Niki: Well, I don't see everybody in the pool floating to the surface like dead fish….so, I wouldn't worry.

Matt: Come on, Niki! Please! I'll die of embarrassment if anybody notices my _beautiful, Adonis-like figure_.

Niki: I'm sorry, excuse me while I _punch myself in the face to get that image out of my head_.

Matt: PLEASE!

Niki: UGH! Fine, where is it?

Matt: It's over there (he points to a lawn chair).

Niki: WHAT!? How did it get all the way over there?

Matt: I'm an awesome diver.

Niki: Riiiight. Hold on…..

Niki walks over to the lawn chair and finds Matt's swimsuit. Which is _a sequined, dark blue thong with the Wal-Mart smiley face on the front_.

Niki: _EW! GROSS!_

Matt: Niki! You found my swim suit yet?

Niki: Hold on, _let me find a long enough stick to carry this with_.

She finds a pool cleaning net and uses the handle end to lob the thong back into the pool.

Niki: There! Now leave me alone!

Matt: YAY!.....

Niki plops down on the lawn chair.

Niki: This is going to be a very long vacation. Oh well, at least I can still get my tan.

Matt: Oh man, this thing is all wadded up.

Matt tries to undo the wadded knot in his thong and accidentally flings it across the pool, landing in Niki's face. _SPLAT!_

Niki: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Back in Non-Paradise.

Nathan and Hiro board the subway.

Hiro: This is going to be so much fun.

Nathan: No flying….No teleporting…..No fun……

Hiro: It will be worth it. Ken-Po Gi will be so proud of our honorable feats!

Nathan: And…..even though you can stop time…..which means _everyone_, this guy still knows if we cheated.

Hiro: Yes…….he is all knowing……

Nathan: I still don't know if I can trust him or not….

Hiro: Don't worry, he's in my _Top 8 friends on Myspace_. I can trust him.

Nathan: Oh brother…..

Claire, back at home is tapping her fork against her plate. Noah arrives home.

Sandra: Hello, dear! I just made another fresh batch of _Black Organic Goo_.

Noah: How….delicious….sounding……my mouth is watering….or something.

Noah plops down across the table from Claire.

Noah: So, what's your problem?

Claire: I have to give a Eulogy at Sunny Evan's funeral, and I really, really, really, really don't want to go.

Noah: Didn't she die _two volumes ago_.

Claire: Yeah….

Noah: Why you?

Claire: I'm her _super best friend_.

Noah: Oh Claire, surely you could do so much better than that.

Claire: I was being sarcastic.

Noah: Whatever happened to that _Zach _fellow?

Claire: I was depressed about having my ability and he was the only person I could entrust my secret to and my videotapes recording my sessions of me trying to break all my bones were watched by you and then you had the Haitian erase his memory….

Noah: Ah, memories….

Claire: Hmph! Anyway, how about you…..?

Noah: Well, Elle was feeling down for some stupid reason, then after we both had a brief mid-life crisis stint, she lost all her ice cream weight and is now into internet dating.

Claire: Good thing she doesn't have her own show. That sounds pretty lame.

Noah: I don't know….I'd still watch.

Meanwhile, back at the resort, Mohinder was in the NSC meeting room.

Mohinder: Gentlemen, I present to you my findings from the Daniel Ryan case. He is now no longer with us because he posed a threat to the community….er….well, the world…..I will now share with you some other information…..

The scientists aren't paying attention, as they are playing _World of Warcraft _on their laptops.

Mohinder: I'm beginning to think this was a wasted trip….well, at least those morons are having fun.

In another floor, Niki steps into a hot tub….only to find Matt next to her.

Niki: You again?!

Matt: Yeah, sorry about that incident at the pool, I really appreciate you trying to help though.

Niki: I don't want to hear it! I just spent 45 minutes _soaking my face in sulfuric acid!_

Matt: Well, at least this vacation is still better than anything going on at home.

Niki: Well, I guess I could agree with you there.

Matt: So…._How about them Yankee's_?

Niki: You can stop talking now.

Matt: Ah….

Two women approach the tub.

Matt: Hello, ladies. Would you care to join us?....(looks at Niki)….don't mind her, that's just my next door neighbor Agnes.

Niki: _AGNES!?_

Woman: Hey…the water is bubbling….._and that hot tub's not plugged in!_

Matt: Whoops!...._Pardon me_…..

The two women run away screaming. Niki has a horrified look on her face.

Matt: Ahhhh, yeah, I could get used to this.

Meanwhile, at the _Café Del Matt Le Blanc_.

Elle is finishing up her makeup, getting ready for her big date. She looks at the menu….

Elle: Mmmm….all this stuff looks pretty disgusting.

She lowers the menu to find Noah.

Elle: AHHHHH!!! _You're my date?!_

Noah: NO YOU TWIT! I have to talk to you….

Elle: Weren't you just home? How did you get here so fast?

Noah: I'm a fast driver and Sandra's cooked Black Organic Goo for dinner again. So when I want to get somewhere, time isn't an issue.

Elle: Well, what do you want?

Noah: I found out some…..information. But I can't discuss it here…..so I'm getting a meeting together tomorrow morning.

Elle: BUT THAT'S MY DAY OFF!

Noah: What?! Earlier you were complaining that we have nothing to do at work when Sylar's around and now we have something and you're not coming in?

Elle: Well, that's different. Now go away, I'm waiting for my date.

Noah: Fine…..(he puts on a hat and a mustache)……Yeah….I'm kinda….it.

Elle: YOU'RE MY DATE?! GROSS……You're old enough to be my great, great, great, great, great, great, great…..

Noah: Shut up! You've been so obsessed with yourself lately so this way was the….only way I could tell you to come to the meeting.

Elle: You posed as my internet date to get me to come to a meeting…..that's just…..low……even for you.

A man walks up.

Man: Hello, are you Elle. I came for our date……

Noah: Busted…..

Man: My name is _Brad Charming_. And my father's a king, so you can just call me _Prince Charming_.

Noah: OH…..WOW……That…….was……..LAME……

Brad: What?!

Noah: WHEW! Someone needs to nominate you for the _Golden Velveeta Award _cause that was cheeeeesy.

Elle: Shut up!

Noah: HA!....Man….that…..is just…..rich…….I'm sorry…._I have to punch you in the face now_.

Brad: WHAT?!

Noah hops up and right hooks Brad, and he goes down.

Elle: What did you do that for?! Was that actually my date?

Noah: Yeah…..it was…

Elle: You, sir….._are an ass_.

Noah: …..Yeah…….I am…..

Claire peeks her head inside the funeral home. She takes a couple of steps before being accosted by Aunt Sophia.

Sophia: Oh, Sarah. You came!

Claire: It's Claire.

Sophia: I'm so glad. Do you have the Eulogy?

Claire: Sure do…..I typed it out.

Sophia: Oh….that's good…..just need to Spell Check and you'll be ready.

Claire: Sp….Spell Check?

Claire walks on…….someone is watching her in the corner.

Meanwhile, Niki opens the door to their 3-Bed Room, and slams the door.

Niki: Mohinder, I have had it with Matt! I'm trying to enjoy my vacation, and he is ruining everything.

She looks around, and….nothing!

Niki: Mohinder?......

She hears a voice in the bathroom. She knocks on the door.

Niki: Mohinder? Are you in there?

Mohinder: Uh….do you mind?

Niki: Who are you talking to?

Mohinder: None of your business! I'm busy….

Niki: You tell me what's going on or I'm busting down the door.

Mohinder: It's a bathroom, do the math!

Niki: Hmm……

Niki steps away, then runs back, jumping through the door.

Mohinder: EEEEK!

Niki catches Mohinder with a tape recorder.

Niki: Oh no….are you….._recording a monologue_?

Mohinder: Yes, you fool!

Niki: That's so disgusting…..

Mohinder: GRR!!!!

Niki: You still haven't told me how I can deal with Matt. I can't beat the crap out of him do to _stupid doctor's orders._ I wailed on him pretty rough last time…

---FLASHBACK---

Doctor: Now, Mr. Parkman. Ms. Sanders wailed on you pretty good. You need to lay off that for at least 4 to six weeks or you will just end up back in here.

---END---

Niki: Uh, the flashback wasn't necessary I already explained what happened. Sheesh.

Mohinder: If you're sick of Matt, do something about it. I'm busy….

Niki: Hmmm……

On a Mountain somewhere….

Nathan's hand reaches up to a ledge. He pulls himself up, turning around to pull Hiro up.

Hiro: Whew! I've been lacking in the upper body strength department lately…..if only I climbed more ropes in high school gym.

Nathan: Ugh….my arms…..so tired…….._this is about as bad as an Eclipse happening_.

Hiro: Okay, I'm checking the map….the temple shouldn't be too far.

Nathan: Why do you have a map? We're on a mountain…._we go up_…..

Hiro: Well, the mountain is pretty big and round…….

Nathan: Let's just get this over with….

They continue up the perilous mountain, several hours pass, finally reaching the summit.

Hiro: This….this is it! We found Ken-Po Gi's temple!

Nathan: Good, let's talk to this coot and find any information about the…..

Hiro: Uh oh….

Nathan: Uh oh…..what 'uh oh'.

Hiro: It turns out…..that there could be a possibility….._that we're on the wrong mountain_….

Nathan: …….

Hiro: According to the map, we should be on _that mountain_.

He points to the east, where lies another huge mountain.

Hiro: Well, better head down.

Nathan: But, but, but, but, but, but……there's a temple here!

Hiro: Oh, there's nobody here, he must have moved…..

Nathan: Grrrrrr…..

Elle is walking down the sidewalk, she ends up in front of the Bennet's house.

Elle: Hmm…….

She goes up to the door and is about to knock when it opens.

Sandra (wearing sunglasses): Oh, Claire! You're home! How was the funeral……

Elle: Uh…….Huh?

Sandra: Oh, sorry about the goofy glasses, the doctor put drops in my eyes…but I might just keep them, they are a little stylish…..they scream _'me'!_

Elle: Right…..

Sandra: Well, go ahead and wash up and get ready for dinner, it's meat loaf night.

Elle: Meat loaf…..I like meat loaf…..Will do…._mom_.

She happily skips inside and looks around the place, she plops down at the dinner table.

Elle: Oooh, I can't wait to have a delicious meal…….though I should be skeptical about the culinary skills of a woman who can't tell what her own daughter looks like….but who am I to ask questions…..

Mohinder: _Every second that passes, every day that falls away. A new page of history is written…_

Claire, at the funeral, gets up, making her way to the podium. She shuffles through some papers, which are blank.

Claire: Okay….improvise….improvise……Sunny…..What can I say about Sunny?.......'S'…..is for…._Super Gal_…….'U'……is for….._Umbrella_…..I'm sure she liked those…..

Mohinder: _History remains in the past_…._buried_……_as it's sole purpose is for us to look upon in retrospect the impact it made for our generation_….._Though completely unaware of it, the past can always find a way to haunt us._ (_Niki: Mohinder, Are you in there?) (Mohinder: Uh…do you mind?) (Niki: Who are you talking to?)_….

Claire stops in the middle of her Eulogy, confused.

Matt and Niki stop eating lunch, also confused. Nathan and Hiro exchange looks.

_(Mohinder: None of your business! I'm busy…) (Niki: You tell me what's going on or I'm busting down the door.) (Mohinder: It's a bathroom, do the math)_….

Niki: What the hell kind of monologue is that?!

Claire: That….was odd.

Nathan: He's really starting to get sloppy with those…..

Niki and Matt are on their way back, she hands him a card.

Matt: What's this?

Niki: Your new room.

Matt: I get my own room!? Sweet.

Niki: I wouldn't say your own…….

Matt: Huh?

The room down the hall opens, an elderly woman waves to Matt.

Old Woman: Yoo Hoo! Are you coming? I need someone to put this lotion on my vibrant, milky, skin….

Matt: Ewwwww…..

Niki: Since I can't beat the living crap out of you for another couple of weeks, I have to use the non-violent method…..I hate that word….non-violent……leaves a bad taste in my mouth….oh well, have fun!

Matt: You can't do this!

Niki: Oh, but I can…..

Matt: You'll rue the day you did this Nicole Sanders……that's right…._I said 'rue'!_

Niki: Whatever….

Matt: You can't do this to me……._I brought Sexy back!_

Niki: No….you didn't…..(Slams the door)

Many hours pass, Nathan and Hiro reach the top of the other mountain.

Hiro: Finally, we're here…..

Nathan: And that only took….forever.

The temple doors open, Nathan and Hiro proceed inside. They are greeted in the main prayer room by an elderly gentlemen.

Ken-Po: Ah, I see you have made it, my son.

Hiro: Yes, and we have not used any abilities……we're honorable like that.

Ken-Po: You have done well, my son…….this must be Mr. Petrelli.

Nathan: So you were the one that called me?

Ken-Po: I was…….I know everything that you need to know……

Nathan: You can tell me more about my brother…..

Ken-Po: I can do better than that….I can tell you where they are keeping him.

Nathan: He's being held hostage somewhere……and who are 'they'?

Ken-Po: I know exactly who they are…..and I will reveal everything to you…..right now.

Nathan: Wow! That's great…..and convenient…..we'll be able to get on with our lives quickly…….

Hiro: We saved the day!

Nathan: But……that never happens.

Hiro: What do you mean?

Nathan: The day never gets saved…._this quickly_.

Hiro: Oh, that's just…..

Ken-Po starts to choke.

Hiro: Uh……Master Ken-Po?

Ken-Po: Urrgh…..I've……been….._poisoned_…..

He falls to the ground.

Hiro: Oh no……

Nathan: ARGH! _I knew it was too good to be true_…..seriously, who didn't see that coming miles away?

Hiro: Oh boy……….

_To Be Continued_……

---_Next Sunday: On an all new Heroes---_

Peter wakes up, not sure where he is.

Peter: Where am I……it's dark……and scary…….gasp!...._It's my sweet 16 all over again_.

Man: There isn't enough time, we need to start the first experiment.

Peter: What do you want with me?

Man: Your mission….you'll be attending a little dinner party, one that took place in 1953.

Peter: Yeah, still ripping off _Quantum Leap_……but that's just my opinion.

Peter finds himself standing in front of a giant mansion in the rain.

Peter: Why am I here, what is the point of all this?

Isaac: I can't give you that information, I'm just a remnant of your memory….all you need to worry about is your mission.

Peter: Mission, huh?

At the dinner table, Peter the student, Claire the aspiring actress, Nathan the war pilot, Mohinder the Professor, Elle the news reporter, Noah as the doctor and his wife Sandra as a florist arrive for a dinner party hosted by…..

Linderman: I'm glad you all could join me this evening.

Peter: Oh, this is one freaky mind trip….that's for sure.

Linderman: I invited you here tonight to participate in a _murder mystery game_. The winner, gets the very generous $500,000 dollar grand prize……good luck.

Claire is running through the hallway. Nathan pulls open a shower curtain to find someone dead in the tub. Niki (the maid) picks up a candlestick.

Sylar (The butler): Someone is going to die at midnight…..and he or she won't be the only one….

Peter: So….you're the butler..?

Sylar: Yes….

Peter: I always waited for this moment…….since I'll never get the chance in real life….._bring me a coke...cherry coke…with lemon…and one of those crazy straws!_

Sylar: Well, it's nice that you have your priorities straight.

Nathan: Linderman is dead……

Peter: _The butler did it!_

Sylar: WHAT?!

Nathan: No…..he's dead…..for real……

Angela: All the signs are pointing to you, Peter…..you killed him.

Isaac: This is why you are here…..you have to find a way to clear your name of all the murders that happened tonight?

Peter: And what if I fail?

Isaac: …..then you don't come back…..

Peter: Hmm…..I…..probably shouldn't fail then, huh?

Isaac: That would be wise…..

---_Heroes continues, next Sunday---_


	2. Clueless

The Heroes Parody Project 2

Chapter 2: Clueless

Warning: There are a few spoiler-ish moments, make sure you have some knowledge about the newest season of Heroes.

Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright of NBC. That means that all characters, events, and powers belong to them. Anything else has just been made up, though any similarities from any such names or events are completely coincidental.

A lab assistant walks into a giant laboratory (that she's the assistant in….yeah) that is located inside a giant warehouse (can never run out of those)….she walks up to her newest specimen, _Peter Petrelli_.

Peter: Uh….huh…..wha…..what's going on?....Where am I?......

Lab Asst: Don't speak….just rest….we will start the test shortly.

Peter: Test?!....What test?......I hope it's not Pre-School Algebra….._I didn't study!_

Lab Asst: Let me just finish jotting down your vitals……Okay, Mr. Petrelli. This first experiment in our trials will involve you attending a certain…party….that has taken place many years ago. The identities of the guests are confidential so instead everybody you meet will be people you already know.

Peter: You lost me after _Mr. Petrelli_.

She holds her hand up to a walkie talkie.

Lab Asst: The subject is ready. Start the process…..

Peter: Let me go! If you don't, I'll scream…….AHH….wait, no……-ahem-…..EEEEEE!.....oh man……let me try again……

A switch gets flipped, Peter's body tenses up. The shackles unlock as his body falls to the floor, he feels as if the room is spinning……..He opens his eyes, the feeling of cold rain trickles down the side of his face. He slowly gets up to his feet to find himself in front of a giant mansion.

Peter: Ooookay, this is weird….

He makes his way to the front double doors, ringing the bell on the side.

Peter: Okay, Peter, you can survive the rain. Just don't look up or you'll drown…..wait….or was the ostriches who can't do that…..?

The door opens to find Sylar standing there.

Peter: ACK!

Sylar: Good evening sir….you're just in time for dinner…..come in.

Peter: …..Sylar?

Peter (dramatic close-up): …..a butler?

Peter (closer close-up): Being hospitable?

Peter (as close as it can get): ……._and offering me dinner?!_

Peter: Holy sh…..

---Once upon a time I was falling in love, But now I'm only falling apart. There's nothing I can do, A total _eclipse_ of the heart!......._Heroes!---_

_Previously on Heroes:_

Peter: What are you doing!?

Lab Asst: Flip the switch!

Peter wakes up in front of a mansion.

Peter: Holy sh….

---Once upon a time I was falling in love, But now I'm only falling apart. There's nothing I can do, A total _eclipse_ of the heart!......._Heroes!---_

Sylar: What the hell was the point of that?...

Peter: Yeah! What he said!

Sylar: Are you going to come in?

Peter: Oh….right….

Peter slowly inches by Sylar as they exchange looks.

Peter walks into the gigantic main hall of the mansion. On the tile floor reads:

_CHAPTER 2: CLUELESS_

Peter: Someone should invest in a mop….

Sylar: If you'll follow me sir, I will show you to the Library.

Peter: But I'm allergic to reading!

Sylar: Ugh….just wait in there until all the guests arrive.

Peter walks into the Library to find _Niki The Maid_ pouring drinks.

Peter: Oh, this is rich…..must….get….camera….

Niki: Bonjour, Monsieur.

Peter: Wow, Niki! What a crappy French accent!

Niki: Oh, shut up…..would you like a drink?

Peter: What do you got?

Niki: Brandy, Yoo Hoo, Hawaiian Punch, and Diet Water.

Peter: _Diet…Water?_

Sylar The Butler opens the door to find Claire.

Sylar: You must be….

Claire: Claire Bennet….Super Star Actress…..to the stars.

Sylar (rolling his eyes): Of course, come in….

Claire struts in and throws her fur coat on top of Sylar.

Claire: So, when's dinner?

Sylar: Just wait in the Library.

Claire enters the library where Niki and Peter are downing shots of Yoo Hoo.

Peter: Claire?

Claire: That's right. I'm Claire Bennet. Famous Actress. You might have seen my recent rendition of _The Little Mermaid_ on Broadway.

---

Claire (as Ariel the Mermaid): Oh, what I wouldn't do to walk on the land with the humans. I guess I'll brush my hair with this fork…ew, there's food on it.

Flounder: What are you going to do today, Ariel?

Claire: What else? Let's go on an adventure……an adventure _under the sea!_

Someone throws a bucket of ice cold water on Claire.

Claire: AHH! _THAT'S FREAKING COLD!_

---

Niki: I didn't see it….nor did I want to.

Noah: CLAIRE!

Claire: Gasp! Father….

Noah: Claire….

Claire: Father…..

Noah: …….Claire…..

Claire: …..Father….

Niki: Okay, I think we get it.

Sylar: May I introduce Dr. Noah Bennet. He is a Pediatrician…..or a Podiatrist….whichever one is the one that deals with feet.

Noah: I can't believe you are still doing this silly actress debacle……and I wanted you to go to medical school.

Claire: Father, it's not what I want, so there!

Voice: WOW! THIS HOUSE IS AMAZING!

Sandra walks in with Mr. Muggles in hand.

Sylar: May I introduce….

Sandra: Sandra Bennet, I own the Floral Shop downtown; and Mr. Muggles helps out too.

Noah: -Groan-….

One by one the other guests arrive….which pretty much leaves Nathan, Mohinder and Elle.

-_Commercial! Coming up on Heroes…..Din Din Time_!-

Elle: HEY! Don't cut our segment!

-Fine, no commercials!-

Sylar brings in the next guest….Mohinder.

Mohinder: Greetings, I'm Professor Mohinder Suresh.

Niki: Oh, that's a stretch. A Professor?

Mohinder: Well, a professor and an inventor. I create _urinal cakes that look like celebrities_.

Claire: That's disturbing.

The door bell rings, Sylar answers, Nathan and Elle are standing there.

Sylar: Did you two travel together?

Nathan: Well, sort of. I saw her car broken down on the side of the road.

Elle: Actually I hit a tree to avoid hitting a squirrel.

Flashback to Elle driving her car….she notices a car coming her way, driven by a squirrel.

Elle: AHH! That mad man is going to run into me!

Elle swerves out of the way and hits the tree.

Elle (shaking her hand out the window): YOU BASTARD!

-Fin-

Elle: I was so scared….

Sylar: That was the stupidest story I've ever heard…..go into the library.

Nathan and Elle join the others, Niki hands them both glasses of Diet Water.

Nathan: Hello everyone, nice to meet you. My name is Nathan, I'm a fighter pilot; and this annoying woman next to me is….

Elle: _Elle Bishop_, _Action 5 News_. You may have seen my latest interview with Dr. Phil.

---

Elle: Dr. Phil, you are loved….literally….by _hundreds_. What is it like knowing that you have a _urinal cake _modeled after you?

Dr. Phil: Well, little lady, back where I come from….

Elle: THAT'S GREAT! This is Elle Bishop, signing off.

---

Sylar: Okay, you people talk amongst yourselves. Dinner will be ready in an hour.

Peter slips out of the library and takes a look around. He ends up in the kitchen to someone chopping something.

Peter: Matt?

Matt: Oh hey! Are you excited about dinner? I know I am……I just need to figure out how to cook these things.

He opens his '_Elmo Teaches Cooking'_ book.

Matt: Lasagna? What the hell is that……is that some sort of Pizza?

Peter: Don't touch dinner….check.

Peter sprints out of the kitchen and ends up in the billiard room. Ando the gardener is talking to Hiro the bartender.

Hiro: -Gasp!- A customer. Hello, sir….would you like something to drink?

Peter: Sure! What do you got?

Hiro: Yoo Hoo.

Peter: Oh……that's…..great…..

Peter checks out the pool table while Hiro and Ando talk.

Hiro: So I really hope I can pull this off tonight, I'm really bad at this sort of thing.

Ando: Don't worry, you'll do fine.

Hiro: I didn't get the information, what time was he supposed to be killed?

Peter: Huh?

Ando: Dinner is at 7, so I think he's supposed to go down probably 8:30 or so…..

Peter: Double Huh?

Hiro: Did they tell you who the killer was?

Peter: Killer?!

Hiro: Oh! We've said too much…..

Ando: Agreed.

Peter: Weirdoes….

He leaves and gets smacked in the face with a dodge ball. –_WHAP!-_

Peter: OW! My nose……

The Haitian, The Personal Trainer, runs up to Peter.

Haitian: Sorry about that, just practicing.

Peter: Don't mention it….are you a guest too?

Haitian: Nope, I'm the master's personal trainer.

Peter: The _master_?

Haitian: Yes….you're a guest, are you not? He is the one that invited you.

Peter: Yes, or course…..that's exactly what happened.

Matt: DINNER IS READY!......oh crap, where's my dinner bell?…..oh well….._Ding-A- Ling, A-Ling, A-Ling, A-Ling, A-Ling, A-Ling, A-Ling, A-Ling!!_

Haitian: You better get there for dinner.

Peter: Will do….

Peter walks away as he gets bonked in the head with another dodge ball.

Everybody sits down at the dinner table; Peter is the last one to join. He spots Sylar and Niki arguing about something down the hall. He doesn't think anything of it and goes in.

Matt: Okay, I hope you all like this dinner…..It's an old Parkman Family Recipe.

Claire looks down at her dinner, a small plastic box with the word '_Lunchables' _printed on the front.

Claire: What the…..?

Peter notices an empty chair at both ends of the table.

Peter: Hey Jeeves!

Sylar: Don't call me Jeeves.

Peter: What's with the two chairs?

Sylar: They are for the master and his wife…..

Peter: '_Wife'…eh?_

Sylar: Yes, now eat your ham and cheese crackers.

Peter: _'Crackers'…eh?_

Sylar: Yes, shut up.

Someone is heard coming down the grand staircase in the hall. Everyone stops with dramatic looks on her faces, except for Elle, who has half a cracker sticking out of her mouth in a very unattractive manner.

Elle: Grr…..

The master walks into the dining room, who is none other than _Linderman_.

Peter: LINDERMAN!?

Linderman: Hello, guests. Welcome to my humble abode.

Peter: Hmph! His wife is probably some hot little number….

In walks his wife…._Angela Petrelli!_

Peter: AHHHHH! EW!!!!

Peter runs and jumps out the window.

Linderman: I hope we can start the festivities shortly. We have a very fun game to play.

Peter: I like games!

Peter hops back through the window and sits down.

Sandra: Well, I guess we can introduce and get to know each other a bit. Since we didn't bother to do this much in the hour we spent together in the library. I'm Sandra Bennet, I'm an expert florist, and I own my own wonderful flower boutique downtown run personally by myself and my star employee, Mr. Muggles! My Husband is a Doctor…..

Noah: That would be me.

Sandra: And my daughter is an _expiring_ actress!

Claire: I think you mean….'_aspiring'_.

Sandra: Oh yes…….yes…….(she takes a drink).

Mohinder: Well, we pretty much know who everybody is except for Peter.

Peter: Me?

Mohinder: Yes, Peter….what is it that you do?

Nathan: That's right, you haven't really talked about yourself.

Peter: Hmm….right….well, I'm Peter.

Everyone: ……

Peter: Okay……I….am……a student.

Mohinder: Really? Where do you go to school at?

Peter: Uh……um……_Beverly Hills, 90210?_

Mohinder: ……………..okay……What's your major?

Peter: Um……._being beautiful and popular_?

Elle: That's what I took! You'll do fine.

Peter: Really!?

Elle: Really.

Peter: Really, Really!?

Elle: REALLY.

Peter: Really, Really, Really!?

Elle: SHUT UP!

Linderman: Oh, this food again…..hmm…..oh Matt!

Matt the Chef runs into the dining room.

Matt: Yes, master.

Linderman: Can you grab me the trash can?

Matt walks over and holds it next to Linderman, who dumps his meal into the garbage.

Linderman: MMM! That was delicious I can't eat another bite…..oh, have Niki order some Chinese would you?

Matt: Hmph!

Matt heads back into the kitchen.

Linderman: Okay, we'll meet up in the Study in an hour…..to talk about the game.

Linderman walks out of the room with Angela.

Lightning strikes as the rain starts to really come down. One by one the guests make their way to the Study.

Linderman: I want to welcome you all again……

Peter: GAMES!

Linderman: I hope you enjoyed your dinner…..and for anybody that's interested some Chinese will be delivered shortly.

Peter: Get to the games!

Linderman: I wanted to share with you a story from when I was a little boy…..

Peter: _Get to the games already, you old coot!_

Linderman: FINE!......Tonight…….at midnight…….there will be a murder.

Peter (to himself): Linderman can't predict the future…..very strange…..I better give him my most undivided attention….Oh look! A roly poly! How cute…..Hey there little guy…..where you runnin to…..oh….there he goes….rolling up into a ball…..heh…..

Linderman: And that's all you need to know….

Peter: CRAP! I wasn't paying attention. Can you start all over?

Linderman: Grr! Anyway……There will be a murder tonight…..

Peter (singing): _Hey Mr. Roly Poly, how do you doooo?_

Linderman: BUTLER!

Sylar: Yes, master?

Linderman: Escort that distraction from the premises.

Sylar: The…..roly…poly….sir?

Linderman: Yes….at once! We don't have all night.

Sylar walks over to pick him up.

Linderman: Don't do that! It's rude, just show him the door.

Sylar: Ugh…..

Sylar walks to the front doors and opens them, the Roly Poly makes its way there……..still making its way there……..still walking…….any day now………yup, still walking…..

Niki: Oh, enough of this!

Niki picks it up and drops it outside; slamming the door.

Linderman: Anyway, please, help yourself to enjoy my beautiful mansion. Just be on the look out tonight…….you never know who is going to be murdered.

Peter: Is it going to be you?

Linderman: Of course not, you dolt!

Peter: Well, you never know…..just guessing.

Linderman: The point of the game is to find the murderer, point out which weapon he used to kill their victim, and what room they did it in. If you get it right and win the game, the prize is Ten Thousand Dollars.

Peter: Ten Thousand Dollars……I could by my own _Arby's Restaurant _with that kind of scratch.

Nathan: Why are you doing this?

Linderman: Because I'm filthy rich, and I love mysteries…..and I can right it off on my taxes.

Nathan: Well, how nice of you…..I think.

Linderman: With that I will make my leave….enjoy the rest of your night…..or at least try to……(He chuckles and leaves the room).

Sylar: I will show you to your room now.

Peter: I have a room?

Sylar: Well, yeah. You didn't drive all the way here just to turn around and go home did you?

Peter: Well, I was more or less teleported here against my will….but I do see your point. I will take one room, Jeeves!

Sylar: Ugh……whatever.

Peter is getting comfortable in his room, he turns on the TV to find all the channels blocked.

Peter: Well, that's just not cool.

There's a knock at the door.

Peter: Finally! Room service.

He answers the door to find Claire.

Peter: Claire! What are you doing here?

Claire: I just needed to get away from my parents. You know, all that good stuff.

Peter: Yeah, so how about this whole murder thing, huh?

Claire: Yeah, kinda creepy.

Peter: Well, I don't have any luggage. You want to go shoot some pool?

Claire: Sure.

Meanwhile, Linderman was watching television.

Linderman: Ah….the stocks are rising. My wallet is getting fatter as we speak.

Angela: You have more money then anyone I can think of, Darling. What ever are you going to do with it? (She inches a diamond catalogue closer to him).

Linderman: I'm going to invest it wisely, my dear. I plan on having it all converted into coins and load them up into a giant vault; so I can swim in it like _Scrooge McDuck_.

Angela: WHAT?! That's preposterous….

Linderman: Don't worry darling, you will enjoy it too…..I'll get you something very nice.

Angela: Ooooh, Like what?

Linderman: Like this…..(He pulls out a box)….

Angela: Darling? Are you serious?.....You bought this for me? I'm so ever surprised…..

Linderman: Open it, my dear. It's a very expensive….

Angela: Expensive?

Linderman: …set….

Angela: Set?!

Linderman: ….of diamond…..

Angela (excited): _d..d..diamond?_

Linderman: ….._Corn Cob Holders!_

Angela: GWAH!

Linderman: Now you don't have to pick up corn with your hands and get butter all over them because it's very messy. Enjoy them dearly, my love.

He exits the room, Angela is fuming.

Peter and Claire are playing pool in the billiard room. Ando the gardener runs in to talk to Hiro.

Ando: Hiro!

Hiro: What is it, Ando?

Ando: That crazy lady, you know….the one with the dog?

Hiro: Sandra Bennet? What about her?

Ando: She keeps giving me the evil eye.

Hiro: I'm sure it's because she likes you. Get her something nice….take her out to dinner!

Claire: Hello! That's my mother, you morons!

Hiro: ……Take her someplace kid friendly, like _Chuck E. Cheese_…..

Claire: Hmph!

Ando: No, I know who she is! I just remembered.

Hiro: So?

Ando: You know I entered the '_Most Luxurious Flower Bouquet Competition_' last spring?

Hiro: And I made fun of you until the following winter….go on.

Ando: Well, I won.

Hiro: And I was so happy for you!

Ando: Let me finish! That lady is the one I beat out for number 1. Back then she was so mad she said that she would send Mr. Muggles after me!

Hiro: That's horrible…..you better wear something around your ankles!

Ando: What if it's all a scam? What if I'm the one that's supposed to be murdered?

Hiro: Ando, come on. We've been doing this for years….this whole thing is scripted. We already know who is going to die this time…..at least I know now that I've read my script.

Ando: I don't know, Hiro…..I've got a bad feeling about this.

Hiro: Don't say that Ando! You know whoever says that is the first one to get axed!

Ando: AHHH! (He runs out)

Hiro: I was only kidding! Yeesh……

Later that night…..Peter was lying down in his bed.

Peter: Bored, bored, bored, bored……….Hmm……

He rolls over to the side and stares out the window.

Peter: It's dark and rainy.

He rolls back over to find _Isaac Mendez _searching through the room.

Peter: AHHHHHHH!!!! It's you…….

Isaac: Shhhh! Don't try to alert everybody…..

Peter: What are you doing here? What am I doing here? What happened after that building in Daniel Ryan's alternative world thing collapsed? I want answers, damn you! A-N-S……and the rest……

Isaac: I'm not even supposed to be here, I just wanted to check on your progress, that's all.

Peter: Progress? Why am I here?......I was in that lab, and that lab assistant woman….

Isaac: Yeah, Dr. Alex……kinda obnoxious if you ask me.

Peter: So….are you actually here?

Isaac: I guess you forgot our talk. I can't tell you much but….you are being used in a variety of mental experiments…..this whole situation that you are in has happened once before in the past. It is stored in the memory of a college student who is deceased now. They use the timeline from his memory, then they use the new host to….reenact the memory….

Peter: So this whole, murder mystery, party thing has happened before. But why is everyone I know here?

Isaac: It's safer that way. The actual people who attended the party that day; their information is kept sealed. They didn't want to compromise anything by you knowing who was actually there. So they used _remnants_ from your memory, do you remember me telling you about those?

Peter: Sure didn't!

Isaac: Ugh….worthless……Okay, you have memories of people. Then you know people can have hallucinations, which is really something you cannot control. But a remnant is a part of your brain of a person, place, or thing that can be projected here by will.

Peter: Well, you died. Sylar killed you. Now you're here, and I didn't do it willingly. So are you just a hallucination?

Isaac: It's not that simple.

Peter: Well you're just going to have to make it simple for me…..because I'm a simple kind of guy!

Isaac: That's….not really something I would tell other people.

Peter: Just answer my question! Why me?

Isaac: I don't know the whole story, I don't know why they are doing this they just are. Just….try to make it through this, I'll try to find out more when…..

_BANG!!!!_

Isaac: Oh, it's time…..

Peter: Hey, we can get to that loud gunshot later.

Isaac: Got to go….just…..check it out.

He vanishes.

Peter: What a tool…..

Isaac: _I HEARD THAT!_

Peter leaves his room and runs down the hall to find Angela screaming. Claire and The other guests arrive in the master bedroom to find Angela screaming over Linderman's dead body.

Nathan: Linderman is dead!

Peter: I know who killed him!

Everyone: You do!?

Peter: Well, isn't it obvious…..Angela and her piercing scream…..it obviously scrambled his brain into the consistency of Jell-O……Delicious Lime Jell-O to be precise.

Angela: You twit, he was shot! Did you not hear the loud bang!

Peter: How did you know he was shot….unless if you were….the ONE WHO SHOT HIM! Case closed…..I'll take my Ten Thousand Dollars now……

He walks over the pokes Linderman.

Peter: Hello…..Mr. Linderman…..Me want money……Helloooooo?

Everyone: ……

Peter: Uh…..I think he's actually dead.

Angela: I'm calling the police!

Elle: WAIT! Mr. Bennet's a doctor!

Noah: That's right!

Noah kneels down and shoves a tongue depressor in Linderman's mouth.

Noah: Say 'AHHH'…..

Linderman: …(DEAD!)

Noah: I'm sorry……_he's dead_.

Elle: This is the scoop of the century!

Nathan: How the hell can you think of reporting at a time like this!

Elle: Well, that's a stupid question.

Peter: Let's start making crazy accusations!

Mohinder: Peter….

Peter: Yes?

Mohinder: You have been the one that has been the most mysterious tonight, and you were anxious enough to even call out his death earlier tonight in the study.

Peter: Uh….okay, no more crazy accusations.

Claire: You're missing one thing Professor…..motive. Why would Peter shoot Mr. Linderman?

Mohinder: To place the blame on someone else and get the Ten Thousand dollars.

Claire: Good point, I guess you're on your own, Peter.

Peter: Gee, thanks Claire…._See if I ever fill in for you at Cheerleading practice again_…..

Claire: WHAT!?

Nathan: Okay, I'm sure Angela has called the cops already….

Peter: …..stupid cheerleading practice…….stupid pyramid……I hate that pyramid…..

Nathan: ANYWAY…..let's just….move the body.

Noah: Why the hell would you do that?! You would completely mess up the evidence.

Nathan: Well, we can't just leave him here! We'll all be labeled as suspects.

Noah: We're suspects anyway.

Peter: YEAH!

Noah: Including Peter.

Peter: Aw……

Mohinder grabs Linderman's hands, Nathan grabs his feet. They carry him downstairs and throw him into the study.

Nathan: Now….that's done. Let's get started to solve this one and only death.

Elle: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Nathan: Hmm? What's that?

Noah: It's just Elle.

Nathan: Okay. Anyway we should split up into groups…..

Claire: Don't you think we should check it out?

Nathan: Well…….I guess…….I'm sure it's nothing…..

Elle: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Claire: I'm going!

Nathan: Then go!

Claire: You can't tell me what to do! You're not my father!

Nathan: …..uh……

Claire: Oh, right….heh…..whatever!

She storms off, Peter and everyone else follows her. Claire stops in the kitchen to see Elle crying and stuffing her face with a turkey sandwich.

Claire: Elle! What happened?

Elle: The cook!

They spot Matt the cook…..dead…..on the floor……not moving.

Claire: Don't get upset, Elle. I'm sure it's not your fault.

Elle (sobbing): This sandwich is _sooooo good_.

Claire: Anyway…..now we have a serial murderer.

Nathan: And now 2 dead bodies.

Peter: Does that mean we get _Twenty Thousand Dollars?_

Nathan: No!

Peter: Aw……

Noah: If medical school has taught me anything, by the looks of that knife the victim was _stabbed to death_.

Everyone looks at Noah.

Noah: ….._or poisoned_.

Nathan: Okay, let's get him in the study…..

Sylar: WHAT THE?!

Everyone turns to find the butler at the doorway to the kitchen.

Sylar: No, no, no…..this isn't right at all……Someone killed the cook?

Nathan: Those Lunchables did suck, but he didn't deserve to die for it.

Sylar: Well, the master never liked his cooking. He will be pleased.

Everybody looks at each other.

Sylar: What?

Claire: Um….Linderman's kinda…..dead-ish.

Sylar: WHA!? Someone shot him?! This is horrible…._now I won't get paid._

Peter: Hmm…..Sylar doesn't act that surprised……I bet it was him……

He checks to see if Matt's scalp is fully attached.

Peter: Oh, right…..he can't do that here….ha, ha……

Mohinder and Nathan throw Matt's body into the Study with Linderman's. Angela is standing by the fireplace.

Mohinder: Angela? What are you doing?

Angela: We obviously have a murderer on our hands.

Peter: Sylar….

Sylar: I didn't do it!

Angela: It's time we should protect ourselves. In fact….the rules of the game should….change a little.

Peter: Oooh! A game…..I like games!

Elle: Angela, I just love your earrings…..wait…._are those Corn Cob Holders?!_

Angela (pissed): Nevermind that…..I have something for you.

Angela walks out into a hall and brings in a shopping bag from _Macy's_.

Angela: In here are the….._tools_ necessary to help you survive….and win.

She passes one out to each guest, 7 in all.

Angela: Consider them gifts….open them up.

Nathan opens his box…..finding _a wrench_.

Nathan: That's weird.

Mohinder opens his box to find _a revolver_.

Noah turns his box over as _a lead pipe_ falls into his hands.

Elle pulls out _a rope_ from her box.

Claire receives a _candlestick_.

Claire: A candlestick, huh?......And no candles….that is my biggest pet peeve!

Sandra holds out a knife in front of her.

Sandra: Oooh, _I can poison someone with this_.

Peter opens his box to find….._an old record of Olivia Newton-John's 'Let's Get Physical'_!

Peter: OH, COME ON!!!!

Angela: The rules of the game was to find the murderer. But it's apparent those rules have changed. My husband is dead, as is our cook. Whoever can find the murderer and kill him…or her……will be greatly rewarded with……_ONE…_

Everyone: _Excited Gasp!_

Angela: _HUNDRED…_

Everyone: Disappointed Gasp…

Angela: _THOUSAND…_

Everyone: _Excited Gasp!_

Angela: Pennies……

Everyone: Devastated Gasp….

Claire: That's only _a thousand dollars!_

Angela: Oh….it is……(damn!)…..fine, _One Hundred Thousand Dollars_, whoever catches the killer. Good luck.

She walks out of the room.

The guests meet up in the library.

Peter: Okay, peeps…..we have a situation on our hands.

Noah: It's nice that you _just noticed that_.

Peter: Now, I'm sure that none of us is the killer.

Nathan: How do you know….? What makes you think that you aren't the killer?

Peter: Because I'm nice!

Nathan: I think we should split up!

Elle: WHAT!?

Peter: You don't have to take that Elle! You deserve someone better than Nathan….._Drop that zero and get yourself a Hero!_.....At least that's what _Ricky Lake would say_.

Elle: _WE WEREN'T DATING YOU IDIOT!!!_

Nathan (gritting teeth): I meant split up to look for the killer….

Elle: I just think that's a bad idea. What if one of us gets paired up with the killer?

Nathan: Then they will die and when they come back with one less person….ta da…..we have the killer.

Mohinder: I don't like that plan.

Nathan: You wouldn't….would you…….Professor?

Mohinder: Just what is that supposed to mean?!

Nathan: I'm not saying anything….except that you sure are hesitant about splitting up…..maybe you just have a guilty conscience.

Mohinder: Just what is that supposed to mean?!

Nathan: I'm saying, you obviously are the killer!

Mohinder: _Just what is that supposed to_…..

Niki: _LADIES, PLEASE!_.....We don't have time for this…

Peter: _The French Tickler is right!_

Niki: _WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!?_

Peter: We shouldn't fight with each other….we should be a team…..we need to team up….and solve this mystery together….._now let's split up_ _and hope one of us isn't the killer_…which I'm sure that's the case because I don't trust any of you.

Hiro busts down the door in a total fit.

Hiro: Come quick! Something terrible has happened.

The group runs into the Conservatory to find Ando, strangled with a Garden Hose.

Peter: CRAP!

Mohinder and Nathan throw Ando's body into the study.

Sylar: This just won't do….I'm not cleaning any of this……

Niki: We'll I'm not touching it.

Sylar: You should….seeing as how you make more than me…..for obvious reasons.

Everyone: Ooooooh!

Niki: Don't '_ooooh!_', he doesn't know what he's talking about.

Sylar: Yeah, you don't dress like that just to influence Linderman to give you more on your salary…suuure…..

Niki: Why I oughtta….

Peter: The French Tickler strikes again!

Niki: _STOP CALLING ME THAT!_

Nathan: Okay, let's just meet back here in 30 minutes, then we'll split up into teams.

Claire: Shouldn't we start this as soon as possible since the police will be here?

Nathan: I'm sorry, I would like to take a nap. I've had a very long day.

Claire: Fine, yeesh….

They split up and head to their rooms. Claire continues to unpack her belongings….she hears a bump.

Claire: Hmm?.......

Another bump.

Claire: Is someone there?

She turns around as someone grabs her ankle from beneath the bed.

Claire: AHHH!

She wiggles free and crawls toward the door, the assailant, wielding a wrench, starts swinging.

Claire: EEK!

She lobs a couple of books at the attacker, then a glass vase. She take off running as fast as she can down the hall. Banging on Peter's door.

Claire: PETER! It's Claire! Let me in!

Claire listens through the door.

Peter (singing): _Let's get physical! Physical! I wanna get physical! Let me hear your body talk…_

Claire: PETER! Are you actually listening to that _stupid Olivia Newton-John record?!_

Peter flings the door open.

Claire: ACK!

Peter: No I wasn't listening to anything.

Claire: Well, just as long as you're not acting suspicious….(rolls eyes)

Peter: Claire, what's wrong?

Claire: Right! I just got attacked; I think it was the killer.

Peter: What happened?

Claire: I'm pretty sure I just told you…..but….he had the wrench.

Peter: Wrench……Who got the wrench this evening?

Claire: Nathan.

Peter: Let's go.

Claire: Be careful, Peter.

Peter: Don't worry. '_Sacrifice Anything To Save My Butt'_ is my middle name.

Claire: That's comforting.

They sneak down the hallway.

Peter: Nathan's room is on this floor.

He knocks on his door, Nathan answers it.

Nathan: Well, my nap was nice while it lasted. What do you want, Peter?

Peter: Hello, Nathan…..are you the killer?

Nathan: Seriously?

Peter: Well, it's obvious you tried to murder Claire….and I think that's just rude, mister!

Nathan: WHAT!? I didn't try to murder Claire.

Claire: I got attacked! The man had a wrench.

Nathan: I left my wrench on the table in the study….I thought it was a stupid gift. I mean, come on she went to _Macy's, _she could've found me something much more useful.

Peter: I don't want to hear it! You didn't get the _Olivia Newton-John record_.

Nathan: Good point. But I didn't try to murder Claire; I swear!

Peter: This is too much; I sure can use a drink.

Nathan: Yeah, we better all get together and solve this.

The three of them walk downstairs, Peter walks into the billiard room.

Peter: HOLY CRAP!

Claire: What is it?

Peter: Look!

Claire and Nathan come over to see Niki, dead on the pool table.

Peter: Not _The French Tickler! Anybody but her!!!_

Niki uses one last ounce of strength to lob a cue ball at Peter's head.

Peter: OW!

The three of them check out the body.

Peter: I wonder how she died……

Peter ponders this while failing to notice _the pool cue shoved through her midsection. _

Peter: Jinkies!

Nathan: This is bad….really bad.

Claire: I know.

Nathan: It seems like more and more of the mansion staff is getting killed off. Which means….

Claire: It's going to end up being one of us.

The group gathers around in the billiard room.

Sylar: It is a shame….

Peter: Uh huh…..I doubt that!

Sylar: What?!

Peter: It's obvious that you killed her.

Sylar: I would watch where you're pointing that finger….._There are electrical outlets everywhere, I don't want you to get shocked!_

Peter: Oh thanks!

Sylar: But I didn't do it!

Peter: Uh huh…..I'll prove it….somehow.

Nathan: Enough…..we're splitting up. Everyone write your name on a piece of paper and throw it into this hat.

Nathan puts the names into a Hat.

Nathan: Where's Hiro and The Haitian…..and Angela.

Sylar: They're busy with their duties; and Angela has something else to attend to, but I will help you with your search.

Claire: Search for what?! I still don't get why we are doing this.

Nathan: To find the killer.

Claire: We are the only ones here; one of us has to be the killer.

Nathan: You're right, there has to be someone else in the house.

Claire: I didn't say that.

Nathan: Now we have a better reason to split up. Okay (he shuffles the hat). Peter and Claire, you take the first floor. Noah and Sandra will get the basement. Mohinder and Myself will take the second floor. Elle and Sylar will take the third floor-attic area.

Claire: That sounds good.

Everyone else agrees. And they head off, splitting up to their designated floors.

Noah and Sandra are standing at the top of the stairs leading into the dark basement.

Noah: It's really dark.

Sandra: Yes it is….Go on, Honey. Clear out the path….I'll wait here.

Noah: No…..I guess we can…..find a flashlight…..or something.

Sandra: We can walk down together.

Noah: Sounds good.

They slowly go down step by step….

Sandra: Attention killers! Don't kill us…….we're very intimidating people. Isn't that right, Mr. Muggles?

Mr. Muggles: WOOF!

Noah: Yeah, about that….

Peter and Claire are in the Ball Room.

Claire: Wow! This dance floor is huge.

Peter: I'm sure if we had time I could definitely burn up the dance floor here.

Claire: You're a good dancer, huh?

Peter: Yup. I'm an expert on _Dance, Dance, Revolution_. Picture it…the arcade…..me and a 97-year old woman…..head to head…..it was going to be the fight of our lives….

Claire: Let's move on.

Nathan and Mohinder are walking down the hallway on the second floor.

Mohinder: So, you got the second floor, huh? I envy you.

Nathan: Why is that?

Mohinder: There's something always tapping against my window, drives me insane.

Nathan: Okay, you check those rooms, I'll look in here.

Nathan opens the door to find a small bathroom, the rain has died down a bit and the moonlight is shining in from a small window to the side. Nathan grabs his flashlight and shines it around the room, he reaches his hand and slings the shower curtain open to find the body of _The Haitian_.

Nathan: Oh boy……

Elle and Sylar are on the third floor-attic area.

Elle: Well, this room is pointless.

Sylar: Yeah, we usually keep the Christmas decorations and other crap up here.

Elle: What's with the pink stuff?

Sylar: That's insulation. Don't step on it or you'll fall through.

Elle: Really?

Sylar: Really.

Elle: That's cool.

Sylar: No it's not….it hurts.

Elle: Takes a step as some boxes tip over, about to fall on her.

Sylar: Watch out!

Sylar runs forward…falling through the insulated ground. Elle screams.

The electricity goes out.

Peter: AHH! I'm afraid of the dark!

Peter jumps in Claire's arms…

Claire: Peter….you're….too….

They lose their balance and fall over.

Noah: Did you hear something?

Sandra: I hope it's not a mouse. I've been afraid of rats and mice ever since I saw _Ratatouille_!

Mouse: SQUEEK!

Sandra: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Noah jumps up, bumping his head on a pipe.

Noah: OW!

Nathan runs down the hallway, leaping over Sylar, who landed on Mohinder.

Claire: Peter, would you get up! We need to see what's going on! We don't need any more surprises.

The sound of a window crashing is heard….a body falls past the window in the ballroom.

Claire: Who the hell?!

Peter: Someone jumped.

Claire: It could be the killer!

Peter and Claire make their way through the darkened room and into the hall. They run smack into Nathan.

Peter: Ow, my nose!

Outside, the rain is starting to pour again. Peter and Nathan run around to the back of the mansion to find Hiro, dead, lying in a rose bush.

Peter: You would've though the bush broke his fall.

Nathan: Let's get him back in here.

They carry Hiro's body back into the Mansion. They are greeted by the rest of the group.

Sylar: The police are on their way.

Nathan: Well that's just swell. How are we going to hide 6 bodies from them?

Sylar: Seven.

Peter and Nathan lean over to find Angela, dead at the bottom of the stairs.

The Count: _SEVEN! Seven dead bodies!...MWA! HA! HA! HA!_

Peter: You're not helping! _Eat crucifix, loser!_

Count: Oh please, that doesn't work on me. MWA! HA! HA!

He turns into a bat and flies away.

Peter: Hmm…..it worked on _Buffy_.

Nathan: Well, now what?!

Sylar: Nothing….all I know is that Peter killed them all.

Peter: WHAT!?

Sylar: That's all you talked about was the money. And I was cleaning your room and found…_all the weapons in there_.

Peter: All of them!?

Sylar: Yes……they will be arresting you shortly.

Peter: But, that's not fair. I was framed! How do we know that you didn't kill them and just threw the weapons in my room?

Sylar: That would be the case but fortunately I have the _Playskool 'My First Crime Scene' play kit_. I dusted for prints and they just so happened to be yours.

Peter: How do you have my prints to compare them? AH HA!

Sylar: I used the prints on your wine glass from dinner.

Peter: Oh….that sucks…..Excuse me.

Peter walks into the bathroom on the bottom floor and washes his face. He looks back up to see Isaac standing behind him.

Peter: Uh, seriously….Isaac, this is a bathroom.

Isaac: Peter, you have to listen to me, man. This is the part that gets serious, you see….back when this happened the first time….the man you are portraying got framed for the murders….and then he was executed.

Peter: What ended up happening to him?

Isaac: He….got….executed. Just said that.

Peter: Oh.

Isaac: You have to use your brain….

Peter: We're screwed.

Isaac: Try as hard as you can to put the pieces together. I know you didn't kill these people. You have to prove your innocence.

Peter: Well, it's not like this is really me. What if I don't?

Isaac: If you don't and end up getting executed……you don't get to come back.

Peter: Oh….that's bad.

Isaac: Yes. So….think really hard….not too hard…..you can solve this silly mystery.

Peter: Yes…….yes……..oh, why can't I be more like _House_; where the simplest object or statement instantly give me an epiphany leading to the answer…..

Peter looks down to see a bottle of mouth wash……

Peter: Of course!.....I got it!

Peter proudly walks back into the hall.

Peter: I…..had an epiphany.

Claire: That's nice.

Peter: I know who the killer is.

Everyone: You do!?

Peter: Yes. Follow me.

The group walks into the study and takes a seat. Peter, after thinking for a moment, turns to the group.

Peter: You all were invited here today to participate in a game….a simple game, hosted by a lover of mysteries. Someone extremely rich and wanted to throw away some money just so he can use this game as an excuse to write it off on his taxes come next year. It's selfish and charitable at the same time.

Sylar: Get on with it.

Peter: We showed up one by one, into the library.

Peter walks into the library.

Peter: Um….this reenactment things goes a lot smoother if you all are with me.

Noah: We're not actually doing this are we?

Mohinder: Looks like it.

The group joins Peter into the library.

Peter: I showed up first, Sylar greeted me. Then Claire showed up. Then Noah and Sandra, and Mohinder then Nathan then Elle then we had drinks served by Niki The Maid and didn't talk about ourselves then dinner!

Peter runs down the hall and throws on a chef's hat.

Peter: DINNER TIME! _Ding-A-Ling, A-Ling, A-Ling_.

Everyone is sitting in the dining room.

Peter: We all sat here and had Lunchables, they were pretty bad. Linderman and his wife, Angela showed up. They didn't eat their food. Time to play games.

Everybody runs back into the study.

Peter: Linderman told us about the game and the prize and we were like "YAY!", and he was all "You'll get money", and we were like "_SWEET!"_ and….

Everybody: _Get on with it!_

Peter: He told us to get some rest because he predicted a murder tonight. Since this is a murder mystery, the whole thing is just an act. Claire, Nathan, and I had rooms and the second floor while the Bennets, Mohinder, and Elle had rooms on the first. Everything was going to plan….then BANG!

Everyone: Bang?

Peter: The gunshot…..that killed Mr. Linderman. He was shot in his master bedroom.

Sylar: By who?

Peter: Who else?.....You.

Sylar: Why would I kill Linderman?

Peter: Because, his wife made you.

Sylar: Angela?

Nathan: She was there at the scene of the crime, but Sylar wasn't. If anything Angela shot him.

Peter: I didn't say he was _in the room_.

Claire: What?

Peter: Everyone was in their room. Everyone had something to do, except Sylar. He, in fact was still….in here.

Peter walks into the Library.

Sylar: This is stupid.

Mohinder: How would Sylar shoot Mr. Linderman from here?

Peter pointed up. The group saw a bullet hole through the ceiling.

Peter: Everybody else had an alibi, and Sylar is one of the only people who know this building like the back of his hand. He couldn't shoot him point blank because one of us would notice.

Sylar: And the motive.

Peter: You are miffed about Niki making more than you, and Angela strikes me as the type of person who would want Linderman's billions to herself. So she had you do it for a cut of the money. CASE CLOSED!

Sylar: There are two things wrong with that.

Peter: WAHHH! _I wanted to win…Boo Hoo!_

Sylar: First off, I didn't even know that Linderman was dead until after Matt was killed. This was due to the fact that I wasn't even in the house when the gun went off. I was accepting a package and had to sign for it. This is the receipt containing my signature with the time

Peter: Crud…..well….maybe you didn't kill Linderman….but I know for a fact you killed the others!

---

Matt The Cook – His food is terrible. The Lunchables were probably the only thing he actually made that was edible. It only makes sense that while we were upstairs looking at Linderman, you were downstairs accepting the package. Only to _run_ into the kitchen while we weren't looking…and stab Matt.

Sylar: In the stomach….?

Peter: What?

Sylar: When I arrived on the scene, Matt had a knife in the stomach. Matt may be an idiot, but he's a big guy, I think he could prevent me from stabbing him straight in the stomach. I mean…._it's not like I'm telekinetic or anything_.

Nathan: He's got a point.

Claire: That does kinda make sense.

Mohinder: Now that I think about it….Elle, how did you find Matt?

Elle: He was face down…..it was…..so….sad…(She starts sobbing while eating another turkey sandwich)……This turkey is so delicious…_-sob-_…..

Mohinder: Also, if someone stabs you in the stomach, it would be just common knowledge that the person would try to _not land face down if the knife was still in you!_

Noah: Also true.

Peter: Yeah….

Noah: All in favor of ruling Matt Parkman's death an accident from tripping and falling on his knife.

All: _Agreed!_

CASE CLOSED!

---

Niki The Maid.

The group is in the billiard room; where Niki is sprawled on the table.

Peter: It isn't oblivious to anyone that you hated Niki because she makes more than you.

Sylar: True, but I didn't kill her.

Peter: Really, I know what went down.

Flashback to Sylar running into the Billiard Room.

Sylar: I hate you because you make more than me!

Niki: What are you going to do about it?

Sylar: This!

He lobs a cue ball at her head.

Peter: Exactly that!

Claire: Uh, Peter, are you forgetting she was stabbed with the pool cue.

Peter: HA!....Sylar only did that to make it look like an accident….

Claire: _Who the hell accidentally stabs themselves with a pool cue?!_

Peter: Uh……

Claire: Exactly.

Sylar: I was downstairs, talking to Ando about…..a….domestic dispute.

Mohinder: I can vouch for that, he was.

Peter: Dammit!

Sylar: So there….

Peter: Well, then you killed Ando!

Sylar: No I didn't, Mohinder was there. He was a witness…..

Claire: Unless……

Mohinder: Uh oh…..

Claire: He was the killer.

Peter: Claire! You weren't supposed to solve that! Give me the credit.

Claire: Sylar was talking to Ando because he is always disturbing Mohinder on the first floor. That's what the dispute was about. Taking matters into his own hands, Mohinder strangles him with the garden hose.

Mohinder: Yikes!

Claire: And since it's obvious because, the garden hose rubbed off on his hands.

Mohinder: It's true…..He was making me very agitated. Sylar didn't help.

Sylar: Yeah, well…..

Claire: Well, that's out of the way…..so who did kill Niki?

Noah: Angela did.

Nathan: What? How is this?

Noah: Angela found out that Linderman was cheating on her with Niki The Maid. Which was why she was getting paid more.

(Niki: Which would never happen in real life because…EW!)

Noah: Angela also found out that Niki would get Linderman's money if anything happened, so….Angela had to put a stop to it. So…..she grabbed the pool cue….AND…

Everyone: UGH!....

Claire: Man, talk about brutal….

Peter: That means that Angela was killed by Sylar…it went like this….

---

On the second floor.

Sylar: HA! I just killed everyone! I must kill more!

He runs down the hallway and into Angela.

Sylar: MOVE IT, OLD WOMAN!

Sylar pushes Angela down the stairs.

Angela: EEK!

---

Sylar: That didn't happen!

Nathan: Of course, Niki killed Angela by poisoning her.

Noah: With _this knife!_

Nathan: No…..Niki figured that Angela would try something since it was only a matter of time when she found out, so she snuck into the kitchen, grabbed some poison Matt wanted to use on Linderman for hating his food. And poison Angela, though it didn't end up kicking in until Angela was making her way downstairs, which is where we found her.

Peter: Uh….okay, well, that might have happened….but I know who killed Hiro!

Elle: It was me.

Peter: DAMMIT! Stop solving the mysteries!

Elle: I got a little drunk after drinking too much Yoo Hoo.

Claire: That's not an alcoholic beverage.

Elle: I'm a light weight. Anyway, I asked Hiro if he wanted to dance so we went upstairs, and I accidentally pushed him out the window. But I'm sober now……

Nathan: Right…….

Peter: Okay, well I know who killed the Haitian! And nobody can…..

Mohinder: It was Nathan.

Peter: _FISH PASTE!!!_

Mohinder: We were the only two on the second floor. Nathan deliberately chose to look into the bathroom to find the Haitian (where he put him), to create an alibi. But we all know why you didn't like the Haitian….

Nathan: Because he's used to be my son's gym teacher and he treated him like crap so…..I dodge balled him to death.

Elle: What a horrible way to go.

Peter: Grr…..okay……then who killed Linderman? I know I have to solve this one.

Sylar: Solve what, it still had to be you.

Peter: NO! That's not possible.

The bell rings, the police charge into the building.

Police: Okay, everybody put your hands up. I want Linderman's murderer to step forward.

Peter: That wasn't the only murder that happened tonight.

Police: Well, Linderman is the only one we care about, we'll deal with the others later.

Peter: GAH!

Police: So, you did it?

Peter: I didn't!

Police: Well, we'll probably give you the chair anyway.

Peter: _I get a chair!_ How sweet…..

Police: …..

Peter: Oh…._that chair_.

A barking is heard as Mr. Muggles runs downstairs.

Sandra: Mr. Muggles! I've been looking for you.

Peter: Wait……Can I show you something? It'll only take a second.

The group ends up in the master bedroom.

Peter: Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…..the murderer.

He points to none other than _Mr. Muggles!_

Sandra: GASP!

Noah: Oh, seriously Peter…..

Nathan: Yeah, man….that's a pretty pathetic attempt.

Peter: Linderman was up here. Can we have the body please?

Mohinder and Nathan throw Linderman's body in the Master Bedroom.

Peter: He never intended on anybody winning. In fact, he was going to use this gun.

Peter reaches under the bed and pulls out a gun.

Nathan: Is that the revolver…?

Peter: Nope! It's his own pistol. He was going to off each and every one of us.

Claire: Why?

Peter: Because, he was going to give that money away and write it off on his taxes. But wouldn't it be smarter to do that, _but still keep your money_.

Nathan: That's insurance fraud, but okay.

Peter: Who is going to tell…..we'd all be dead. He was loading his pistol when he tripped, the gun accidentally went off which caused this!

He pulled the rug back to find a hole in the ground.

Peter: The bullet went straight below into the billiard room. The gun wasn't shot from down there since there is no bullet hole in the ceiling of this room.

Nathan: So that's it…..he just tripped?

Peter: Not without a little help from…..

Peter lifts up Linderman's pant leg revealing bite marks.

Peter: …._an ankle biter_.

Noah: _It was Elle!? _I never would have guessed.

Elle: _He's talking about the dog, you dumb piece of…_

Sandra: Mr. Muggles?! _Bad dog!_

They all laugh.

Police: Well, good job son…..great detective work. Hey, we could use a man like you on the force.

Peter: Really?!

Police: Yeah right! That kinda stuff takes training….dream on, pal.

Peter: Grr…..

They start to walk away, the Police begin handcuffing the other murderers.

Claire: Well, I'm glad you got your name cleared Peter, it was nice meeting you.

Peter: Yup, hopefully we'll see each other again on the other side.

Claire: Huh?

Peter: Oh, nothing. Well, my work here is done.

Peter is walking down the hall, Isaac is standing there.

Peter: Well, how did I do?

Isaac: Pretty poorly, but not too bad for the first trial.

Peter: Can I leave now?

Isaac: Yup……

Isaac gives Peter a shove as he tumbles downstairs. He finds himself back in the lab.

Peter: Oh poppycock! I'm back here again.

Dr. Alex: Mr. Petrelli, I'm glad to see you're still in good condition.

Peter: Well, that sucked! If I'm going to rip off another board game it better be _Candy Land, damn you!_

Dr. Alex: Get some rest, Mr. Petrelli. We will start your next trial first thing tomorrow morning.

She turns around and walks away……

Peter: Any chance I can get some food….those Lunchables didn't really do anything for me……Hello?..........

_To Be Continued_…

Next Sunday…..On an all new _Heroes Parody Project_…..2!

_A young boy is born with an extraordinary ability_.

Mohinder: Is there no other kind!?

Niki: Stop talking to yourself.

_Who ends up befriending Claire_….

Kevin: My name is Kevin.

Claire: Well, I'm going to try to not let this turn into a cheesy romance, since those never turn out good….

_And his power ends up getting the best of him_.

Kevin is walking down the hall, touching people on the shoulder and instantly killing them.

Mohinder: It's just amazing; this boy is like….the grim reaper.

Claire: I just can't win, can I?

_And now, somebody wants him_…

Elle: I have the proof you need….Sylar is alive.

Noah: Make preparations to launch the jet.

Elle: Which I've cleverly named, _The Elle-Wing!_

Noah: WHAT?!

Kevin: I need help with my ability….and you are the only one I can trust.

Sylar (with a fake moustache): You came to the right place…..(It falls off, he slaps it back on)…..we can accomplish great things.

_New Heroes Parody Project, Next Sunday_.


	3. Birth Of Death, Death Of Life

The Heroes Parody Project 2

Chapter 3: Birth Of Death, Death Of Life

Author Note: I know, it's been a month (I'm sorry, don't hit me!). It's been crazy. But I have an actual website now where you can get more information on the fic as well as upcoming chapters and updates on publishing dates and when there will be delays (that doesn't sound good but it happens, it's a good way to make sure people don't think I'm cliffhanging the series and leaving them in the dark.) Check it out (it's very amateur-ish) at (and there will be a little bit of info on other projects I'm working on)

Warning: There are a few spoiler-ish moments, make sure you have some knowledge about the newest season of Heroes.

Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright of NBC. That means that all characters, events, and powers belong to them. Anything else has just been made up, though any similarities from any such names or events are completely coincidental.

_Previously On Heroes_…

Claire runs into Mohinder's apartment, Matt is drawing some things.

Claire: Matt! There's a conspiracy going on! I must get you to safety!

Matt: You're telling me! I just drew this!

Claire: You can't draw….

Matt: Oh, I know its Isaac's ability but I picked it up during my African Adventures and now I can draw the future….

Claire: No, you can't draw in general. _Is that supposed to be me?!_ My head looks like a watermelon!

Matt: Something bad is going to happen indeed…..something is about to come through the window!

Suddenly…_The Hamburglar jumps through the window, stealing Matt's Happy Meal from off the table._

Hamburglar: _Robble! Robble!_

Matt: NOOOOO!.....Oh…._why must I have this curse_…..?

Claire: WHATEVER!

_Seriously Previously On Heroes…_

Mohinder: I'm on vacation!

Niki and Matt: _And we're ruining it!_

Mohinder: Grr…..

Nathan (on the phone): Who is this?

Voice: I can tell you everything you need to know about the whereabouts of your brother. But you must come to me….AND NO SPECIAL ABILITIES!

Nathan: What a crock!

Hiro: That is Master Ken-Po Gi! A famous mental master! I am so totally president of his fan club!

Nathan: Whatever!

Hiro and Nathan travel far and wide to reach the temple of Master Ken-Po Gi.

Ken-Po: DEAD!

Nathan: Dammit!

Claire (opening the door to find relatives of Sunny, the annoying girl from Volume 2).

Claire: I have to give a eulogy at Sunny's funeral. I didn't even like her!

She is walking through the funeral home….being watched by a mysterious figure. (Oh yes, there is another one of those).

Elle: I'm bored and having a mid-life crisis!

Sandra (opening the door to Elle): Oh, hello Claire….or at least I hope that's you since I just returned from the eye doctor. Come on in and have some dinner!

Elle: Don't mind if I do…._mom_….

Matt: _ELLE IS SANDRA'S DAUGHTER!? _What a shocking twist!

Mohinder: No, you idiot…..pay attention….and you're not even in this scene! Come along! (Tugging Matt away)

Matt: Ahh! _My ear flaps!_

---

A woman is in the delivery room, giving birth to her baby.

Doctor: Okay, Mrs. Stevenson, I need you to push!

Mrs. Stevenson: ARGH!

Doctor: Keep pushing!

Mrs. Stevenson: _Still pushing!_

Doctor: PUSH! Harder than you've ever pushed before!

Mrs. Stevenson: _I'm pushing dammit!_

Doctor: That's it!........Congratulations, Mrs. Stevenson…..it's a beautiful, baby……

The doctor falls over to the ground.

Mrs. Stevenson: It's a beautiful baby….what?! Boy or Girl?

Nurse: Oh my god! The doctor……he's dead!

Mrs. Stevenson: What about my baby?

Nurse: Don't worry. I got him.

The nurse picks up the baby and falls over.

Mrs. Stevenson: AHHH!

Another doctor steps in.

Doctor: Looks like the nurse just died. I got this.

The other doctor picks up the baby and falls over dead.

Mrs. Stevenson: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?

_Several years pass_……

A pre-school teacher looks at little Kevin Stevenson, drawing on the wall.

Teacher: Kevin! I can't believe you did that! You are going to time-out, mister!

The teacher grabs Kevin's hand….then falls over dead.

_More years pass_…..

Kevin is on the school yard playing tag. A kid runs up to him.

Kid: TAG!...You're….

The kid falls to the ground.

_More years…_

Betty: Oh Kevin! Of course I'll go to the dance with you.

She gives him a kiss……then croaks.

Kevin: Okay, I think we get it now……

_Today_…..

Kevin Stevenson walks into the classroom of culinary school. Where he dreams of being a chef. Because if he wanted to be a lawyer, culinary school would be kinda pointless. He takes a seat at the table, and next to him sits…..

Claire: Hi! I'm Claire…..Claire Bennet. Would you like to shake my hand?

Kevin: I….uh……would rather not.

Claire: Well, that's just pretty rude. I'm just going to do it anyway.

Kevin: NO! DON'T!

Claire grabs his hand and shakes it. She turns back to her work. Kevin just stares at her, he is not sure what to think.

Claire: Oh look, another eclipse…..

---As the world turns, so do our stomachs! _Heroes!_---

_Nathan and Hiro  
The Top Of The Mountain Of Pointless Trials, in the Temple Of Useless Discovery  
If there's an obstacle in your way, eat 'Mentos!' the freshmaker!_

Hiro: My breath is so much fresher!..._Like Christmas Morning!_.....Thanks Mentos!

Nathan: _HELLO!?_ We have a huge problem!

Hiro: Yeah….I'm afraid we did waste a little time, didn't we?

Nathan: You think!?

A paramedic passes him.

Paramedic: Where's the body?

Nathan (points): Right over there.

Hiro: Don't worry, we can still find Peter....

Nathan: Wait! Let's use Molly!

Hiro: You can't! Don't you remember!?

Nathan: No.

Hiro: She lost her ability after returning from the alternate universe!

Nathan: The who what to the what now?

Hiro: But maybe, if there was a way to restore abilities….

Nathan (reading): Well, according to the _Official Heroes Episode Guide_….

Hiro: _You can't read that! That's cheating!_

Nathan: Sylar was able to get his abilities back by using Claire's blood.

Hiro: Hmm…..so you're saying we inject Claire's blood into Molly's body and she can tell us where Peter is.

Nathan: Um….sure?

Hiro: Let's do that!

Nathan: I'm not a doctor, but shouldn't they be the same blood type or something?

Hiro: That doesn't matter!

Nathan: Ooookay.

Hiro: Now, let's get down this mountain. Prepare for the walk of your life!

Nathan: Oh no…..I'm done walking. There's no creepy guy watching us anymore….I'm going my own way…..

Nathan takes a running start and flies off into the distance.

Hiro sighs and teleports away.

Medic: Weren't there two guys just standing there?

Medic 2: Very suspicious….

_Claire Bennet  
Culinary School  
Learn 1001 creative uses for Spam!....Look! I made a hat!_

Kevin walks out of the classroom and down the hall. Claire follows after him, walking by the walls that read:

_CHAPTER 3: BIRTH OF DEATH, DEATH OF LIFE_

Claire: Kevin! Hey!

Kevin turns around, trying to keep a low profile.

Kevin: What?

Claire: You forgot your pencil…

Kevin: Thanks…..

He takes the pencil….and places a hand on her shoulder……nothing happens.

Kevin: Uh….huh……right…..bye!

He speeds away. Claire walks off, confused.

Janitor (wiping off the walls): Stupid kids and their stupid graffiti.

_Mohinder's Apartment  
The following takes place between 3:00pm and 4:00pm  
Events Occur In Real Time (only if you read at a speed of 3 words an hour)_

Mohinder, Niki, and Matt trudge through the front door and drop their bags from their 'magical' vacation.

Niki: I wouldn't call it that.

Matt: Well, I'm glad to be home! Time for some daytime television….

He grabs the remote and turns the TV on.

---

_Coming up next: It's the movie that changed the way we look at Hollywood Films forever._ _Monopoly: The Movie_.

Julia Roberts is…._The Thimble_

Julia Roberts: Whatever am I going to do? I'm just a lonely thimble….trying to make it in the big city.

George Clooney is….._The Car_

George Clooney: I love you Thimble……will you marry me? We can get a house on Park Place….or a hotel with the purchase of three more houses.

Julia Roberts: Oh Car!....I'm so in love!

Donald Sutherland is…..Uncle Pennybags!

Donald Sutherland: I know these times are tough, Car……but you have to take a chance…….or a _Community Chest!_

George Clooney: LAME!

A movie with…._ACTION!_

The Dog (played by Brad Pitt): The bomb is about to go off! We have to get off this train NOW!!!

Brad Pitt and George Clooney jump off the B&O Train as it goes up in a fiery explosion!

KA-BOOOOOOOOOM!

A movie with…._SUSPENSE!_

Sharon Stone (as The Wheelbarrow): I will do anything I can to get that pesky Thimble out of my way…….Victory shall be mine!

Sharon Stone rigs the dice to make Julia roll three doubles.

Julia Roberts: _PRISON!? _I can't go to prison….I have three kids!......

Sharon Stone: Don't forget you can't pass GO! And collect your salary.

Julia Roberts: OH NO!

Sharon Stone: MWA, HA, HA!

_A time for Heroes to come together to save the day_……

George Clooney: I know exactly what we should do……

Brad Pitt: Buy up all the property on one side and build hotels to drive her into Bankruptcy?

George Clooney: Exactly.

Sharon Stone: AHHH! I don't have any more money…._I'm RUINED!_

Julia Roberts: And I'm no longer in prison!

George and Brad: _HOORAY!_

Julia: Looks like everything is going to work out after all!

_MONOPOLY: THE MOVIE_ (That wasn't a trailer. That was the actual movie)

With Andy Dick as The Top Hat.

Andy Dick: I'm supposed to meet someone at their house, _but all the houses look the same! ARRGH!_

Coming To Theaters…..Hopefully Never.

---

Matt: Oooh, I'm going to have to watch that….

Niki: The original version was better.

Mohinder: Okay, I'm going to head off. Some of my cohorts are meeting up to discuss some of our scientific research.

Niki: Didn't you just do that? Wasn't that why we went on that vacation?

Mohinder: There are scientists in more than one state….

Niki: Uh…..riiiight……

At the Bennet home, Noah walks into the kitchen.

Noah: Morning, Claire Bear…..shouldn't you have culinary school this morning?

Elle: Morning Pops!

Noah: _Pops?_

Noah turns around to see….

Noah: ELLE!?

Elle: Yeeeees?

Noah: What the hell, Elle? Why are you here?…..and what have you done with Claire?

Elle: Nothing, spaz. She's at her stupid school. I'm just here for the food.

Noah: _Seriously?_

Elle: Yeah.

Noah: The food?

Elle: Yes.

Noah: The food…..as in _Sandra's cooking?_

Elle: Uh yeah…..it's yum-o!

Noah: Okay, sure…..hmm…..interesting..….

---WHAT IF!---

Sandra: Here dear, I made you some _Sweet And Sour Meat!_

Noah: Uh…..what kind of meat is it….?

Sandra: It's a secret!

Noah: Oh, come on, you can tell me.

Sandra: No seriously, it's a secret. It says so on the box.

Noah: BLEH!

Noah looks around and taps his fork against the plate, Elle charges into the room.

Noah: Din, Din time!

---MAYBE NOT---

Elle: _I AM NOT A DOG!!!_

Noah: Of course not, you're an agent……_Who's a good agent?_

Elle: I am.

Noah:_ Who's a good agent? (_starts scratching her behind the ears)

Elle: Me……HEY! WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!!!

She punches Noah in the stomach and storms off.

Noah: OOF!

_The Stevenson Residence  
4432 Sesame St.  
Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Streeeeet!_

Kevin walks through his front door, greeted by his mother.

Brenda Stevenson: Hello, Kevin….did you accidentally kill anyone at school today?

Kevin: Mom!

Brenda: Oh sorry….I'm sure not used to…..you know…..your….um……gift?

Kevin: This isn't a gift, it's a curse…..

Brenda: Oh, honey, don't say that. I know just what you're going through….

Kevin: No you don't.

Brenda: Okay, I don't. But Dr. Phil said saying that to your children will help them trust you with their problems more.

Kevin: Mom, _Dr. Suess is a better doctor than Dr. Phil_.

Brenda: Maybe….

Kevin: The strangest thing did happen today though…..

Brenda: I'm listening….

Kevin: There's this girl.

Brenda: Did you kill her?

Kevin: NO! Let me finish….

Brenda: Sorry.

Kevin: She grabbed my hand…..and nothing happened.

Brenda: Nothing at all huh…..was she ugly?

Kevin: NO MOM! I meant….she didn't die…..it's like she's….immune to my power.

Brenda: Well hell, _go out with her then!_

Kevin: UGH! Talking to you is pointless!

Kevin starts to leave. Brenda picks up the remote and turns the television on.

Kevin: _AND STOP WATCHING DR. PHIL!!!_

Brenda turns off the television.

Later in the day, Claire gets home from school.

Claire: Mom, Dad, I'm home!

Lyle: Did you forget about me?

Claire: I don't have to report to you!

She storms upstairs and into her room where there is a sleeping….

Claire: Elle?

Elle: Z's!

Claire: ELLE!?

Elle: Z's!

Claire: Elle, no normal person says the letter 'Z' in their sleep. Second…._Why the hell are you in my bedroom_!? My dad is going to be ever so pissed.

Elle: Actually, we made a deal. He said I can stay here in exchange of me eating your mother's cooking. I get free meals, room and board, and nobody's feelings get hurt.

Claire: So, now you're _the family dog?_

Elle: _I AM NOT A DOG!!!_

Noah pops in.

Noah: Ah, Claire Bear, you're home.

Elle: Hi Pops!

Noah: Hello….um….._Elle…Bell?_

Claire: Elle Bell?

Noah: I couldn't think of anything rhyming and catchy to follow it. Yours was easy.

Claire: Off the subject. Why is she here?

Noah: We made a little agreement….

Claire: Well, that's just great. What's next? The Haitian is going to be giving mom cooking lessons?

_Downstairs…_

Haitian: Now, all you have to do is remember the golden rule: _When something doesn't taste to your liking, add ketchup!_

Sandra: Ketchup! Of course!

Noah: Uh……

Claire: I'm out of here.

Hiro appears in front of the _Chef Gordon Ramsay's Culinary School For Gifted Youngsters Who Know How To Cook Or Else THEY'RE FREAKING STUPID!!!_

Hiro (To Nathan): There you are!

Nathan: Okay, I just got through talking to some of the cheerleaders here.

Hiro: _There are cheerleaders at a cooking school?_ That's odd.

Nathan: Claire surprisingly isn't participating in cheerleading.

Hiro: What's she taking?

Nathan: Uh…._cooking?_ DUH! It's a cooking school!

Hiro: I set myself up for that one.

Nathan: She already left for the day. Fortunately, the dean gave me her address.

Hiro: Can they do that?

Nathan: Well, of course, I am her father!

Hiro: Hmm…..

Nathan: What?

Hiro: Nothing!

Nathan: What?! You were going to say something.

Hiro: No I wasn't ….just hmm-ing.

Nathan: You're a very strange little man.

Hiro: I don't want to brag.

Nathan: Right….(rolls eyes)…Okay, I'm off.

Hiro: OOH! Can you say….._UP, UP, AND AWAY!?_

Nathan: No.

Hiro: _Pwease?_

Nathan: No.

Hiro: _Pwease?_

Nathan: NO!

Hiro: _Pwetty Pwease?_

Nathan: NO!

Hiro: _Pwetty Pwease? With Whip Cweam and a Cherwy on Twop?_

Nathan: No, and stop talking like that! _It's giving the cweeps_….ARGH! DAMMIT!

Nathan takes off into the sky. Hiro teleports.

Back at Mohinder's.

Mohinder: Okay, I'll be back in a few hours.

Niki: Whatever.

Matt: Can you bring me back something?

Mohinder: I'll bring you back a nice, shiny, _rectal thermometer_.

Matt: Aw, those are no fun.

There's a knock at the door.

Mohinder: Who could that be at this hour?

Niki: It's only 5:00, it could be anybody.

Claire: It's me. Claire Bennet.

Mohinder: Claire?

Claire: Hey, can I stay here for a while. I mean, Peter's missing and nobody is really going out of their way to find him.

Niki: Oh right, I forgot about that.

Claire: And my house is kinda crazy, so would it be a problem?

Mohinder: Of course not! In fact, you can keep these two in line to make sure they don't burn the place down.

Niki rolls her eyes and tends back to her magazine while Matt discreetly hides his fireworks.

Claire: Thanks.

Claire walks over to the couch and sits next to Niki.

Niki: Hey, what's new, Claire?

Claire: Not much, just some boy trouble. I was hoping we could talk.

Matt: OOOH! Can I talk to her!

Niki: No, you dunce! You give horrible relationship advice!

---A few months ago---

Matt: Niki, I just wanted to tell you that the man you're seeing isn't good enough for you.

Niki: Uh huh…..

Matt: He lies, cheats, and steals. He's a horrible person and I fear for your safety. According to this tabloid he's a descendant of Hitler!

Niki: Thank you Matt, I appreciate your honesty. I also appreciate the fact that you're telling me this information _while I'm on my first date with him!!!_

Cut to their table, her date Paul and the waiter shoot each other awkward looks.

Paul: Um…Niki, you wanted water to drink?

Niki nods, clearly annoyed.

Paul: Water for the lady.

Matt: Whoops!

---END---

Niki: So tell me about it.

Claire: Well, there's this guy I like in class. I think he likes me but I really don't want to fall into another crazy relationship again. With my ability and all, it just seems confusing and….I don't know. At least it will be better than my last boyfriend…..

---A FEW YEARS AGO---

Claire enters an beautiful ballroom wearing an elegant gown. She meets up with her partner, _a ravenous beast_, wearing a suit. They begin to waltz.

Mrs. Potts (singing):

_Tale as old as time, True as it can be  
Barely even friends, Then somebody bends, unexpectedly.  
Certain as the sun, rising in the east  
Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme  
Bennet and The Beast._

Claire: Oh Beast! I love you.

Beast: _I'm going to eat your face!_

Claire: WHAT?!

Niki: Are you done?

Claire: Oh, sorry…..got a little distracted there….

Niki: Good, now if we can continue without anymore disruptions….

Mohinder and Matt charge in dressed as _The Clock and The Candlestick_.

Matt and Mohinder (singing): _Be our guest! Be our guest…!_

Niki: _SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!_

_Nathan and Hiro  
The Bennet Household  
Finally after showing up at the wrong place 5 times…_

Nathan knocks on the door, so does Hiro.

Nathan: You didn't have to do that.

Hiro: What?

The door opens to reveal…..

Nathan: Elle?

Elle: Oh, hey Nathan, what's shakin?

Nathan slowly turns around to see '_The Bennet's'_ sign on the mailbox.

Nathan: Okay, I'll bite…..why are you here?

Elle: I live here temporarily, until Mr. B kicks me out.

Nathan: Whatever, don't care. Hey, why don't you go be a peach and fetch me some slippers and the newspaper while you're at it….

Elle: _I AM NOT A DOG, DAMMIT!_

Nathan: Of course not….(He pats her on the head).

_ZZZZZZAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP!!!!_

Nathan goes flying, slamming into the ground. _WHAMP!_

Nathan: OOF!

He gets back up and waddles over to Hiro.

Nathan: So much pain….can't you do your 'Go back in time' thing so I can prevent that from happening.

Hiro: Um….I guess so…..

Hiro scrunches and rewinds time 15 seconds.

Nathan pats Elle on the head.

_ZAAAAAAAAAP!_......._(_WHAMP!)

Nathan (wobbling): Not far enough……

Hiro scrunches. 10 seconds earlier.

Nathan goes flying…….(WHAMP!)

_After many pointless tries_….

Hiro and a charred Nathan are sitting on the couch in the Bennet living room. Noah and Sandra approach them.

Noah: No, Claire's not here. What seems to be the problem?

Nathan (brushing off charred bits): She is our only chance of finding Peter.

Noah: Oh yeah, I forgot he disappeared.

Nathan: Yeah, I think all you people kinda forgot that, huh?

Noah: Well, I'll get my people ready.

Haitian: The muffins are done!

Elle: _Who the hell put this water dish in my room_! It's not funny…..OOOH! It has my name on it….cooooool.

Noah: I'll be ready at least.

Hiro: Do you know where she went?

Sandra: She usually goes to Peter's….but instead she went to…..

_Mohinder, Matt, Niki and Claire  
Mohinder's Apartment_

Niki: Why did you cut to us?! There's nothing going on here!

_The Bennet Family, sans Claire. Plus Nathan and Hiro  
The Bennet House_

Sandra: She's there.

Nathan: Ugh….

Hiro: Have you talked to your mother?

Nathan: _Why the hell would I do that?!_

Hiro: She might have some information on what's going on. She can dream the future you know.

Nathan: _You can actually GO into the future. _I think you have the upper hand over her.

Hiro: Hey, you're right!

Nathan: Let's just go to Mohinder's…..

Elsewhere, Kevin is walking down the street. On his way to the comic book store. He spots an old lady on the corner of the street.

Old Lady: Young man, will you help me cross the street?

Kevin: Um….I'm sorry, I can't.

Old Lady: But!

Kevin: I just can't…..

Random Man: Hey! That guy won't help that old lady! Let's get him!

Woman: Break his legs!

Kevin: WAIT! You don't…..

The man walks up to him and throws a punch. Kevin blocks it….the man falls to the ground.

Woman: You killed him!

Kevin: Crap…..

He takes off running; soon noticing notices he's being followed by the police. Kevin turns a corner and runs smack into a door. _WHAP!_ Unconscious, someone with a gloved hand grabs Kevin's arm and drags him away.

Kevin wakes up several hours later. He finds himself chained up against a wall.

Kevin: Hello! Anybody here?!

A man in a hooded coat walks up to Kevin.

Kevin: Who…..who are you?

Man: That is not important…..

The man takes off his hood, as it turns out to be _Sylar!_

DUN DUN DUUUUUN!!

Kevin: Oh, you must be Sylar….

Sylar: WHAT?! How the hell did you know that!?

Kevin: I kinda put the pieces together. I have a cooking class with Claire and every time she's chopping up something, she's pretending it's you.

Sylar: How sweet.

Kevin: She also has little drawings of you getting crushed by pianos and junk. I kinda recognize you from the pictures you also have 10 feet wide eyebrows….

Sylar: _They're not that big!!!_

Kevin: What do you want with me?

Sylar: I've been monitoring you….

Kevin: Stalking?

Sylar: Well, when you put it like that it sounds bad….but…..you have….an ability.

Kevin: What if I do?

Sylar: Well, then I want it.

Kevin: How do you plan on getting it? You apparently know plenty about me, so you can't lay one finger on me without dying yourself.

Sylar: Oh, I'm not going to do it….your little class partner will.

Kevin: What? Claire……I don't know who she is.

Sylar: Oh come on. You already flat out told me once, and then you just said her name again without any help from me. _I'm not stupid, kid_.

Kevin: Damn. Listen, you leave her alone. What's so special about her?

Sylar: Don't you think she is….I mean….she's the only person who doesn't bite the dust upon contact.

Kevin: I…..huh…..

Sylar: You are going to bring her to me.

Kevin: HA! Why would I do that?

Sylar: Because if you don't…..I will take the life of one of your loved ones…..how about….

Sylar presses a remote control button. A door opens up to reveal…..

Sylar: _Your mother!_

Woman: HELP!

Kevin: _That's not my mother_…..

Sylar: WHAT!? It's not?…….I thought you said you were Kevin Stevenson's mother!?

Woman: I only said that for the free ice cream!

Sylar: Damn, I really need to stop doing that.

Sylar thinks for a moment.

Sylar: Tell you what…..Claire can't die……if you help me out…..I can remove your ability; and both of you can walk out of here freely and be a happy couple. I mean, _you've only known each other for about 5 minutes so you've gone far beyond the requirements needed to start a relationship on this show. _

Kevin: I guess so….I mean….I would like to live a normal life……..you've got yourself a deal….shake on it?

Sylar: Sure….HEY!....Ah….I almost fell for that….

Kevin laughs.

Sylar: You little weasel….now go on, get outta here……ah, kids…..

Nathan and Hiro knock on Mohinder's door. Niki opens it.

Niki: Oh great, it's you.

Nathan: Hello to you to, Niki.

Niki: What do you want? We're about to go see a movie….but not _Mirrors_, I've already learned my lesson from last time after watching it with those two idiots….

_Flashback to Matt getting out of the shower_. He looks in the mirror.

Matt: Hey there, stud!

Matt's reflection starts making faces at him.

Matt: Um….I'm not doing that….what the?

Matt's reflection starts reading '_The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants_'.

Matt: AHHHHHHHH!! AHHHHHHH!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!

Matt runs out of the bathroom and through the living room.

Mohinder: AHH! Parkman, it's called clothes! Try it sometime!

Niki: _I'M BLIND!!!!_

---END---

Matt: Stop making fun of me Niki, _you have no idea what it's like to have an evil reflection in the mirror_….

Niki: _Don't even go there, pal_……

Nathan: Is Claire here?

Niki: You just missed her, she went to hang out with Kevin.

Nathan: Kevin? Hmm…..well, what about Mohinder?

Niki: He went to some stupid convention….why are you looking for everyone all of a sudden.

Nathan: I have to find Peter…..and this can only be done using Molly….but she needs her ability back, which can be done with Claire's blood. So that's why I need all these people here….

Niki: Oh yeah, Peter is gone isn't he?

Nathan: _AM I THE ONLY ONE LOOKING FOR PETER!?!?!_

Hiro: No, I'm helping too!

Nathan: Riiiight…….

Niki: Well, I'd love to help but tonight's movie night, so buzz off…..

Matt: Hey, the theater's closed, but fortunately I got _Beverly Hills Chihuahua _from Netflix today!

Niki (to Nathan): I'll just come with you…..

Claire and Kevin are walking down the street.

Claire: I can't believe you asked me out on a date. That's cool……

Kevin: Well, you know….we have known each other for 5 minutes….

Claire: Yeah, so we've gone way past the requirements to start a relationship.

Kevin: I agree.

Claire: So, where are we going?

Kevin: We're going to stop at a friend's house first.

Claire: That's cool….do I know this person?

Kevin: Maybe……

They continue down the street.

Meanwhile, Mohinder is walking up to the laboratory receptionist's desk.

Mohinder: I'm Dr. Mohinder Suresh.

Receptionist: That's nice. Sign in.

Mohinder: Hmm….rude…..

Dr. Kane: Suresh! So glad you could make it…..

Mohinder: Hey, Dr. Kane……I didn't see you at the convention at Generic Paradise Island.

Dr. Kane: Yeah, man….I had way too much going on here…..well, shall I show you around?

Mohinder: Absolutely.

They're walking down the hall.

Dr. Kane: I wanted to bring you here today to show you our latest work. I want you to be a part of it…..you are one of the most influential scientists we know.

Mohinder: Go on…..

Dr. Kane: Uh….yeah. This is a project we've been working on for a while, and we're starting to make a breakthrough.

They stop at a window over viewing the lab below.

Dr. Kane: This is the latest in _Remnant Extraction Technology_.

Mohinder: _Remnants?_

Dr. Kane: Yes, remnants are leftover particles of the brain that can be distracted and used as '_A generic form of DNA'_…..it's for more than just cloning purposes…..but bring back someone from the dead…..

Mohinder: Uh….uh……..uh…..

Dr. Kane: Ah, there's our specimen…..he just got through undergoing his second experiment.

Mohinder looks down to find _Peter_ hooked up to a device of some sort.

Mohinder: _Peter?_

Dr. Kane: So what do you say, Dr. Suresh……will you join us?

Mohinder is still stunned at what he is witnessing……He continues to stare down at Peter.

_To Be Continued_…….

-Next Time: On Heroes-

_Peter's second experiment is revealed_.

Peter, Claire, Nathan, Matt, Hiro and Niki are dressed up in tights….ready to fight the forces of evil for they are….._Superheroes_.

Matt: These tights are way too tight……

Niki: This isn't pleasant……

Peter Petrelli is….._Mimic Man_.

Peter: I absorb the powers of all those around me…..so technically I'm better than everyone.

Matt: What a rip-off!

Nathan Petrelli is……The Winged Eagle

Nathan: That's a stupid name, don't Eagles have wings anyway?!

Claire Bennet is……The Blue Healer….

Claire: Isn't that the name of a dog?

Matt Parkman is……Brainwave!

Matt: Awesome-ness!

Hiro Nakamura is……Space Time Samurai

Hiro: This sword is made of wood….we can't have that….

And Niki Sanders is……_Super Psycho Crazy Whoop De Doo Reflecto Chick!_

Niki: Seriously?

And together they are….._The Super League Of Heroic Awesome Friends_……fighting to save the day from the forces of evil.

Sylar: Gee, I wonder how I got this part…..

And stupidity ensues…..

Sylar: Seize them!

A building explodes!

Peter and Nathan are running down the hall.

Claire uses her powers to heal some wounded people.

Another building explodes!

Hiro and a masked ninja are sword fighting.

Niki throws a car.

Nathan: Peter, you've gone off the deep end…..you're out of control.

Peter: This is my life…..and nobody is going to control it but me…..

Nathan: Then…..you're just a fool…..a foolish fool who does foolery foolish things…..foolosihly.

A third building explodes!

Claire jumps out a window, Nathan flies up and catches her.

Sylar: The next target is the White House! Go! Go! Go!

Henchmen: We have the President! We're kidnapping him right now! So ha! ha! ha!

Peter and Elle combine lighting and fire off a giant wave down a corridor.

Peter: I got this…..

He runs over and pushes _Speed Racer out of the way_. Hopping into the Mach 5.

Peter: MOVE IT! I've got to protect my country.

He takes off, driving the car into a telephone pole. _CRASH!_

Peter: Hmm…..or I could walk……

_A new chapter of Heroes…coming soon_.


	4. Justice For All

The Heroes Parody Project 2

Chapter 4: Justice For All

Warning: There are a few spoiler-ish moments, make sure you have some knowledge about the newest season of Heroes.

Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright of NBC. That means that all characters, events, and powers belong to them. Anything else has just been made up, though any similarities from any such names or events are completely coincidental.

_Previously on The Nanny:_

Mohinder: _MISS FINE!!!!_

Peter comes trolling down the stairs with a wig and a lavish dress.

Peter: Hello, Mr. Sheffield. I'm off to my date!

Mohinder: Where have you been?! The kids are running around loose and Niles and C.C are about to kill each other again….

Matt and Niki are in the kitchen slapping each other.

Peter: Well, my date's here…..his name is _Ted Sprague_.

Mohinder: Uh oh, not this again……

Ted walks in.

Ted: Hey, Fran! You look stunning!

Peter: Yeah, you can say our date is going to be….._The bomb!_.....Get it? BOMB!......(Nasally) _HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH…_

Ted: Could you stop that?

Peter: _HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH…_

Ted: That's really annoying!

Peter: _HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!_

Ted: ARRRRGH!

The Sheffield Mansion goes up in a mushroom cloud nuclear explosion. _KA-BOOOOOOOM!_

In real life, Matt and Niki are watching the T.V.

Matt: Tsk! Tsk!......Man, I hate reruns……..

He changes the channel……

_Previously on Heroes:_

The alternative world, created by coma patient Daniel Ryan, starts to deteriorate.

Peter, Sylar, and Daniel Ryan hang on to a ledge while pieces of the skyscraper start to fall into a black vortex. The three of them fall through.

Peter: _Looks like team rocket is blasting off again!_

Sylar: _OH SHUT UP!!!_

Later, Peter finds himself at the hands of scientists.

Dr. Alex: This will be a part of the experiments…..you are going to be participating at a…'party' so to speak. The identities of the guests are confidential

Peter: What experiments?

Peter finds himself in front of a giant mansion.

Linderman: There will be a murder tonight….take these weapons.

Peter: A vinyl Olivia Newton John record?! What a rip off!

Isaac: You have done well….get ready, the next experiment is right around the corner.

A dramatic close-up of Peter….._and it's getting closer and closer and closer…_

Peter: HEY! Watch it!.....(Smushes up against the screen)…eerghhf!

---

Peter is alone in a darkened room. All he hears are the scientist's voices. Mumbled, and difficult to decipher what is being said.

Dr. Alex: Dr. Kane, he needs rest. We cannot….

Dr. Kane: Oh please, he is much stronger than we give him credit for. Begin the test immediately.

Dr. Alex: I….I suppose……initiating '_Remnant-CODE 4411657-C'_. Starting simulation in 5……..4……3……..2……..1……….

Peter slowly gets to his feet and opens his eyes, finding himself wearing tights and standing in the middle of the street.

Peter: What is this?......Crazy tights…….wow, I must be a super hero with super powers! I can't believe this is happening to me….I've always wanted this….wait….hmm….

A car is speeding towards him.

Peter: Uh…..not good, not good…..

He closes his eyes as the car crashes into Peter. He remains still as the vehicle wraps around him, pieces of medal and glass are shattering into millions of pieces. The two drivers, who just happen to be bank robbers, fly through the windshield. Peter spreads his arms and grabs each robber with a hand, holding them by their collars.

Peter: Oh yeah……I'm so cool….

He turns and sees Niki, Nathan, Matt, Claire, and Hiro standing to the side, all in super hero tights.

Niki: Total show off……

---_Commence Earth Rotation Sequence!_ _Ugh, CUT! Let's try it again_…….._Heroes_---

In front of a large building, Peter and the rest of the group teleport right outside. The sign outside reads:

_CHAPTER 4: JUSTICE FOR ALL_

Peter: So we're superheroes, huh? How cool is that?

Niki: Why are you acting like you don't remember that you're a part of the _Super Justice Friends_.

Peter: _Who the hell are 'The Super Justice Friends'?_

Niki: Oh jeez….._run the title sequence!_

---_The world spins at the dawning of the Eclipse; it's THE SUPER JUSTICE FRIENDS---_

Across The World, ordinary people have gained…..Extraordinary abilities.

After driving a car, and colliding with a toxic waste truck, Niki Sanders became…._THE CRAZY REFLECTO CHICK_. The ability to become extremely bitter and super strong.

Niki: GRR!

After getting exposed to high doses of radiation from his microwave after cooking a Hot Pocket, Matt Parkman has gained the ability to read minds with powerful telepathy. For he is…._BRAINWAVE_.

Matt: _My Spidey senses are tingling_…

Niki slaps him in the back of the head.

Matt: OW!

After being abandoned as a baby, Nathan Petrelli was raised by a mother bald eagle. Now, as an adult, Nathan Petrelli is _THE WINGED EAGLE_. He can fly, ya know…

Nathan: That's a horrible back story!

After being head of the cheerleader's squad, Claire Bennett was the only one to survive a radiation leak on the football field. Now with the ability to heal herself and others around her (ironically she can do this now, not on that fateful day everyone but her perished) she is…_THE BLUE HEALER_.

Claire: Whatever……

Hiro Nakamura was C.E.O of his father's company; but after an unfortunate green bean casserole accident….

Hiro: _A what?!_

Hiro Nakamura can control the fragments of time and space….freezing current moments in time and teleporting…..he is….._THE SPACE-TIME SAMURAI_.

Hiro: I like swords too!

And finally, their fearless leader. With the ability…..to steal other people's abilities….Peter Petrelli is…._MIMIC MAN!_

Peter: I'm the leader?! Awesome-ness!.......Wait, how did I get my power? What's my origin?

Niki: _An eclipse happened_.

Peter: Aw, that's no fun……

Together, they will fight the forces of evil and villainy…..for they are……_THE SUPER JUSTICE FRIENDS!_

Niki: And there you go……

Nathan: Come on, we have to get inside….The Chief wants to speak with us….

Peter: Hmm…..

He heads inside, to a large conference table in front of a….

Peter: HUGE TV! WOW!.......

Niki: Okay everyone, let's get down to business…..

Peter: TV….._Must see T.V_…..

Niki: We don't get cable on that! Now down in front, stupid!

Peter: Yes we can! Just get Micah to do it, he got Wrestling Pay-Per-View for his cousin in New Orleans. Not the one that can mimic physical movements _but the one with the ability to be a total jerk-face!_

Niki: Incoming transmission from the chief….

Niki presses a button and the screen starts showing _Gossip Girl_.

Peter: YES!!!!

---

Serena: OMG!

Vanessa: LOL!

Serena: BRB!

Vanessa: TTYL!

Serena and Vanessa: TYXBOTRYFREPI..!

---

Niki tips over the television. _CRRRAAAASHH!_

Peter: WTF?! _Pissed off Emoticons!!!_

Niki: CRAP!!!

Hiro: Now we can't get the message from the chief!

_NEXT TIME: ON THE SUPER JUSTICE FRIENDS!_

Niki: Shut up! We'll get a new tv…..ugh, I hate this show!

_Several hours and a new television later…_

Niki: Okay, let's get our next mission…..

Niki turns on the television to Noah sitting at a desk.

Noah: Super Justice Force! This is the Chief.

Hiro: I thought we were the Super Justice Friends…?

Noah: Whatever…..Anyway, it turns out that the evil villainous _Sylar_ is up to no good. His henchmen are building a nuclear device that could kill millions of people.

Peter: But Chief….._We must kill millions_….._in order to save thousands!_

Noah: What?

Niki: That doesn't make any sense!

Noah: Now, get to this warehouse on 444 Excel Ave. We believe he is there plotting none other than _more villainy_. While you do that I can get to work finding a replacement…

Peter: A replacement?

Nathan: Yeah, our other member was _Aquaman_…..but…..he had to go……

---FLASHBACK---

The group is fighting a giant behemoth.

Nathan: Claire, I've been hit!

Claire: I'm on my way…..ooh, _there's a sale at JC Penny's!_

Nathan: NOW WOULD BE GREAT!

Niki: We're taking in too much fire. Aquaman! We need backup!

Aquaman hops out of the sea and grabs a microphone.

Aquaman (singing): _I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie wooorld! Wrapped in plastic, it's fantastic!!!_

Niki: We're so screwed!

---END---

Peter: Well, not to fear fellow heroes….I'm here at least…heh, heh….

Peter throws his ipod in the trash.

_Meanwhile, several hours later, at the warehouse._ The team shows up.

Nathan: Okay, Hiro and I will take the roof access. Niki, you and Claire go through the front door. If there are guards, Niki, just use Claire as a human shield.

Claire: Well, that's just rude!

Nathan: Peter, you go through the side. Hopefully we'll be done in 20 minutes when _Matt gets back here with the pizzas_.

Team: RIGHT!

Peter: _Thunderbirds are go!_

Claire: What?

Peter: Nothing……

They split up…..Nathan flies up through the roof next to the door where Hiro teleports in. They make their way down the stairwell. Niki and Claire calmly walk through the front door, tripping the security lasers (_WOOP! WOOP!)_. Peter runs around the back, running into…..

Isaac Mendez: Wow, that costume looks hideous on you….

Peter: You again?! What the hell happened after the party?

Isaac: Listen, I've got something very important to tell you, it's about the experiments….

Peter: What about them?

Isaac: It turns out that……

A bolt of lightning shoots through Isaac's body, making him vanish, and into Peter's. Peter goes flying out into the street and onto a car.

Peter: OW! That hurt dammit!

He looks up to see Elle in front of him.

Peter: What the?

Elle: Watch yourself, I am….._Elle-ectrica_. Waves of lightning course through my fingertips!

Peter: Ew, that's not a very good name…..how about……_Sparky?_

Elle: WHAT!? HOW DARE YOU!!!.....oooooh, you're going down pal……

Elle flings her wrists, shooting lighting forward. Peter holds up his hand and connects his lightning with hers.

Elle: So, you must be the mighty _Mimic Man_. Well, you are a formidable opponent indeed!

Peter: Bring it on sister…..

They run up to each other and stop, Peter pulls out the _Connect Four_.

Peter: This ends tonight……..

_Meanwhile_…

Matt, on his way to pick up dinner, runs into the pizza restaurant.

TIME REMAINING: 19 minutes

Matt: Okay, I have about 20 minutes left until I come back with the yum yums….

Woman: Did he just say '_yum yums'_….

Matt: Yes, rude! Geez, can't a guy have a private conversation with himself in public….yeesh!

Matt approaches the counter.

Matt: Hello, keeper of the food! I require one of your personal pan pizzas for 6 please!

Clerk: Um…..if it's for 6 people that kinda defeats the purpose of it being _personal_. But besides that, we don't even have pizza! This is a burger joint!

Matt: WHAT!? What happened to Marty's Pizza?

Clerk: Closed down because of rats.

Matt: _But I loved the rats!_ I used to pretend they were the mice from Cinderella and they would sing: _Cinderelli! Cinderelli! Something, something, something smelly…_

Clerk: ….

Matt: I forgot the words.

Clerk: Listen, pal! Do you want a burger or not!?

Matt: Okay, I will take 6 cheeseburgers with no pickles.

Clerk: Okay, that'll be 6 bucks.

Matt: Sweet, I'm making great time. I will be the hero of the week for sure.

The Clerk hands him a bag.

Clerk: Here you go.

Matt: Thanks!

Matt grabs the bag to leave as _10 pounds of pickles rips through the bottom of the sack and onto the floor_.

Matt: There's nothing _but_ pickles in here!

Clerk: Whoops!

Matt: CRAP!

Meanwhile, Nathan and Hiro are creeping down the hallway they come across a window leading into the main hallway. Niki and Claire are tied up.

Nathan: Figures….

Hiro: Do not worry. I will stop time, and then we can rescue them.

Nathan: Couldn't we just stop time then _find Sylar_?

Hiro: Ha! Ha!....oh Eagle Man…..always wanting to do it the hard way….

Nathan: Um….that's actually…..hey! Wait!

Down in the big room, Sylar is looking at…

Sylar: _A huge TV! I LOVE IT!_

Henchman: Sylar, sir! There appears to be intruders!

Sylar: Yes, and _he's making me miss 'How I met your mother'_….NOW SCRAM!

Henchman: BUT!

Sylar: Go….

Henchman: BUT!

Sylar: Go now…..

Henchman: Ugh……

Time Freezes, Hiro runs across and unties the two girls.

Hiro: Let's go….oh right.

(UNFREEZE!)

Niki and Claire fall to the ground.

Henchman: AHH! Sylar, looo (FREEZE)

Hiro: Right, that was close.

He teleports Claire and Niki out of the room. (UNFREEZE)

Henchman: …oooook!

Sylar turns around, and he's pissed.

Sylar: That's it! Again, I have to leave my own fortress to get some peace and quiet. Rally the troops to meet at the new base, so we can start……our mission.

Outside, after several rounds of Connect Four, UNO, Sorry!, and Battleship; Elle-ectrica and Mimic Man are engaged in an intense _thumb wrestling tournament_.

Peter: _My thumbs are cramping! My thumbs are cramping!!!_

Elle: Excellent! You shall be mine!!!

Peter: Never! I shall prevail, you wench!

Elle: _Did you just call me a 'wench'?!_

Meanwhile, Matt is running into 'The Pizza Pizza Galleria Restaurant And Breadsticks'

TIME REMAINING: 14 Minutes

Matt: Huff! Puff! Okay, Pizza Time!

Matt stumbles up to the Clerk.

Matt: Hello….wait…._You're the guy from the burger store!!_

Clerk: No I'm not….

Matt: Uh huh…..anyway, I would like a pizza!

Clerk: What size?

Matt: Jumbo!

Clerk: Toppings?

Matt: Pepperoni, Sausage, and Cheese!

Clerk: How long would you like us to cook it?

Matt: UH!!.....I would think _you would know that_.

Clerk: So…._just wing it?_

Matt: I didn't say that! WAIT!

Clerk: Okay, it will be ready shortly.

Matt: Thank…

Clerk: Here's your order, sir!

Matt: you..?....Okay…..Great!

Matt opens the box to find _a mound of cheese with pepperoni and sausage crumbled on it._

Matt: Um….what is this?

Clerk: It's your order…

Matt: Where's the doughy thing….?.....There's supposed to be a circular dough thingy with all the toppings then cooked…_crust_, I think is what the kids are calling it now….this is just….a box of…crap.

Clerk: _You didn't ask for dough._

Matt: _IT'S A PIZZA!_ It's supposed to come with dough!

Clerk: Would you like us to remake it?

Matt: Don't bother! Ugh……I swear, _If Chef Boyardee were here he'd be ever so pissed!!!_

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE SUPER JUSTICE FRIENDS FORTRESS.

Niki: Chief! We have returned! With news….

Noah: That's good to hear…

Niki: While Peter, Nathan and Hiro were wasting time…

Nathan: WHAT!?

Hiro: How dare her…

Peter: I was wasting time a little….

Niki: We have uncovered plans that this nuclear device is going to be unleashed…._ON THE WHITE HOUSE!!!_

Peter: Aww, man that's like….._on the opposite side of the country!_

Niki: No it's not, you ding dong! It's only a few states away.

Peter: _A few?!_....Awww…

Noah: On the White House huh….well….I can tell this will be too much for you.

Niki: I beg your pardon?

Noah: So I found your replacement for Aquaman…

Nathan: Not _The Wonder Twins_.......

Noah: _I've found another replacement for Aquaman._

Nathan: Hmph! Those Wonder Twins…..(reaching for a plate) They still haven't figured out how to use their _Wonder Twin Powers_ to transform back from being Rice Krispy Treats!.

Peter spits out the Rice Krispy Treats.

Peter: PLEH!!

Noah: It's an energetic girl Peter happened to come across, meet the shocking…._Elle-ectrica!_

Peter: NOT HER!.....Chief, that's exactly _the opposite of what I told you to do!_

Noah: So thus, it will be better for the team in the long run….

Niki: He's got you there.

Noah: Track down Sylar and stop him from destroying the White House!

Peter: Hmph! I see how it is…..(He bites into another Rice Krispy Treat)….Hmm…..This one's much better than the last one……

MEANWHILE, Matt is huffing and puffing his way into the 'BAWK! BAWK! Chicken N More'

TIME REMAINING: 7 Minutes

Matt: Sooo tired…..

He walks up to the counter, and there's the Clerk again.

Matt: Oh come on! This is just getting stupid!

Clerk: Welcome to _BAWK! BAWK!_, can I take your order…?

Matt: Can someone else do it? I'm going to order some chicken and you're just going to stuff a live chicken in a paper bag or something. _You suck at your job! Suck, suck, suck, suck, suck!_

Clerk: Would you like to try something off the Dollar Menu?

Matt: _Would I!?_ Give me an order or chicken strips. I don't even care about the others, knowing them they've probably moved onto a new mission.

The group teleports outside the White House.

Niki: Wait! I just forgot about Matt……._He was supposed to bring us food_!

Nathan: So inconsiderate.

Claire: I agree.

Hiro: I'm so hungry.

Peter: I just realized…_How am I supposed to get out of these tights?!_ They're like….glued onto my skin.

A Henchman of Sylar's disguises himself as a Secret Service guard. He gets inside of the building.

Sylar: Okay, get in there and set the bomb, then, go ahead and kidnap the President. THEN, our master plan will fall into place….HA!

Peter: Okay, I have a plan. Nathan, you and Niki pretend you're from a British Tabloid magazine. Hiro, get rid of the window washer and put on his clothes to spy on the President to make sure nothing is happening to him. Claire, I'm going to be the adult here and say that this mission is far too dangerous for you. So here, have these _rubber bands_ to play with….

Claire: WHAT!? I'm the healer….I have to be there when you get hurt.

Peter: You forget Claire, I'm _Mimic Man_. I can do everything you can.

Claire: Um….noooo….you can just heal.

Peter: Nope! I have absorbed your entire being into me……tee hee!

Claire: No you didn't!

Peter (singing): _Anything you can do, I can do better! I can do anything better than you!_

Claire: _No you can't!_

Peter: _Yes I can!_

Claire: _No you can't!_

Peter: _Yes I can!_

Niki: Will you two shut it already!

Claire: Bet you can't be a star cheerleader like myself!

Peter: Watch and learn, Missy!

Peter picks up two pom-poms.

Peter: Okay, _PYRAMID!_

Peter bends down, _ripping his pants._ RIIIIIIIP!

Claire: Oh lord….

Peter: Oh man, _if I get dumped for prom because of this, I am just going to die!_

MEANWHILE, Matt was….

Matt: _Brainwave is eating, go away!_

MEANWHILE, those other heroes are…..

Peter: _We're being shot at!!!_

Peter and Nathan are running down the hall avoiding bullets.

Nathan: Where's Elle?!

Peter: I don't know….

Peter and Nathan stop at a corridor with 5 doors on the left and right side of each other.

Peter: Quick! _Into the Scooby Doo hallway!_

Nathan: The what!?

Peter and Nathan run into the first door on the left, popping out of the third right door. Secret service bolts down the hallway and split up. Elle runs through random doors, as does Nathan, Peter, more Secret Service, Sylar, Matt (with a bucket of chicken), Niki, Shaggy, Peter, Scooby Doo holding Shaggy, Peter, and Nathan again (who stops in the middle of the hall).

Nathan: _How the hell are all these rooms connected?!_

Outside, Claire sneaks up to a window of the White House. She gets a message on her cell phone.

-_New Message from: REBEL-_

Claire: Gasp!......_Rebel_….

She opens the message….

-_Don't delay! Save money on your car insurance today with Geico!_-

Claire: DAMMIT! _Stupid Gecko_…..I fall for that trick every time…..

She sneaks in and comes across a room filled with dead guards.

Claire: This looks like a job for _The Blue Healer_…..

Claire spreads her arms and slowly clenches her fists….the bullets start to pop out of the guards one by one…they regain consciousness.

Guard: We…we're alive!

Claire: That's right! Let my healing light shine upon you my children….._for The Blue Healer reigns supreme!_

Claire turns and runs _smack into a door_. WHAMP!

Claire: OW! _I broke my nose!_

Sylar is monitoring the situation from his super secret base.

Sylar: Okay, what's the situation?

Henchmen: Dying!

Sylar: Not you! I mean the mission…..what a bunch of selfish brats…..

Henchmen: Don't worry, we got the President! I repeat! We got the President!

Sylar: There really wasn't a need to say that twice….

Niki and Hiro are running through the hall.

Niki: I can't find the President!

Hiro: I know….but look!

Before them is a mechanism that is beeping and is equipped with a timer.

Hiro: It's the bomb!

Niki: I think that's an alarm clock.

Hiro: Alarm clocks don't count down by seconds.

Niki: Well, do something!

Hiro tries to stop time, but fails…..from the shadows appears _Mohinder!_

Niki: Crap!

Hiro: What is this?

Mohinder: Don't bother using you're time powers, Samurai……for I am…._The Professor!_

Niki: Not to sound out of character, _but wasn't he the 'Professor' in the last one of these things?_

Mohinder: SILENCE! I have injected myself with a serum to give me an incredible ability…

Niki: _Oh Jiminy Christmas_, not this again…….

Mohinder: I can speed up time all around me….rendering your powers useless…..and there's only 2 minutes left.

Hiro: This is bad indeed…….

Niki: So, what are you going to do to us?

Mohinder: Uh…well….if you try to stop time…I can prevent that.

Niki: That's nice….but what about an _offensive _power.

Mohinder: Nope….don't have any of those.

Niki: Well, hell….Hiro stop the bomb! I'll hold back _Dr. Doolittle_…

Mohinder: _It's the Professor!_

Niki: Whatever!

Claire is running down the hallway. One of the henchmen opens fire.

Claire jumps through the window at the end and starts to fall toward the ground, only to be caught by Nathan as he zooms up to the sky.

Nathan: Are you allright, Claire? I think we have this under control. Peter managed to get the President in a safe location and hopefully we can stop the bomb in time and…

He just realized he dropped Claire _several thousand feet ago_.

Nathan: Hmm….I should probably go back and get her……

Back inside, Peter is escorting the President down the hallway (there sure are a lot of hallways) he bumps into Elle.

Peter: There you are!

Elle: Don't start! I've been lost in that stupid _connecting hallway for 45 minutes!_

Peter: We need to get the President to safety.

They are about to run when a group of henchmen block their way down both ends of the hall. Elle turns to Peter.

Elle: Are you thinking what I'm thinking.

Peter: Yup……(pulls out a box)…_Chutes And Ladders!_

Elle: Um….no…..

Peter: Oh, right…I get it.

Standing back to back, Peter and Elle start charging up electricity. In unison, they force out a wall of voltage down opposite ends of the hallway, sending the assailants to the ground.

Elle: Nicely done…..

Peter (singing): _Anything you can do, I can do better_….

Elle: Don't even do it….

Hiro manages to disarm the bomb…..

Hiro: YATTA!!! Did you see?!

Niki: Sorry, I wasn't paying attention…

Hiro: No worry, I'll just start it back up again and…

Niki: NO!...That's okay…I'll take your word for it……sheesh…..

Peter and Elle make their way outside as The President is escorted to a helicopter. A call comes in on Peter's watch.

Peter: What is it Chief?

Noah: We've found the location for Sylar's hideout! Hurry, Justice Friends!

Peter: _This looks like a job for_….._someone else!_........I wanna go home!

Elle: Let's just hurry, and capture Sylar before he gets away!

Sylar: BLAST!......Foiled again……

There is pounding at the steel door. It opens slowly to reveal The Justice Friends, they walk slowly to Sylar's computer….only to find a note.

_-Too slow this time, Justice Fools!-_

Peter: See!? I knew we should've went with _Justice Fools_…all the villains are just going to call us that anyway!

Matt comes toting in a large sack of food.

Niki: FINALLY!

Matt: I don't want to hear it….I've been through hell trying to get this stuff. So selfish…….

Peter: Well, the day is saved……well the bad guy got away but hey, we'll get him next time………

Someone is clapping slowly…Peter turns to see Isaac Mendez sitting in a chair.

Peter: Ah….you again.

Isaac: Glad I was finally able to get a hold of you. Listen, these 'experiments'…..they're…..not what they seem.

Peter: You were never really clear on what this whole '_Remnant'_ thing is anyway, why are they doing it…..?

Isaac: I…..I'm not supposed to say……I'm not even supposed to know since I'm just a memory……but…..these experiments are only being used to _stimulate_ your brain so accessing remnants will be easier….

Peter: Okay, what's the point in that?

Isaac: It's supposed to be….a more easier way to clone people…..even those who are dead.

Peter: Ah……but why me?

Isaac: Because………

Peter: Uh….hello?.....We were just talking now!......Hello!....You just dropped…….(He snaps)

Isaac's image flashes a few times, then vanishes.

Peter: Now where did you go?.......-Yawn-…..now I'm getting….sleepy…..

Peter falls asleep on the floor……..back in the warehouse, scientists are unhooking him from the mechanism as Dr. Kane and Mohinder watch from upstairs. Dr. Alex types something on the computer:

(SYSTEM):File-Extraction-RemMOD-445231

_Would you like to continue with deletion of file 445231(Mendez,Isaac)_

_Y_

_---Processing---_

_File Deleted_…….._Remnant extracted from memory_.

Dr. Alex looks up as they wheel Peter away…..she turns off her computer monitor.

_To Be Continued_…

---

_Next Heroes_…..

Dr. Kane: Surely, Mr. Suresh, you have no objections?......You are…._one of us, aren't you?_

Mohinder: Yeah, but…..but…..this is madness I tell you…._MADNESS!_

Dr. Kane: Okay, that was a little over the top….

Kevin and Claire enter a warehouse (those are popping up a lot too!)

Claire: Why did you bring me here?! Are you working with Sylar?

Kevin: ……

Micah and Molly take hiding into a side room.

Micah: We're always being put on the sidelines…..but we can work together. We can build our own army and take down the enemy. I mean, how long has it been since Matt has tried to injure you in some way?

Molly: It's been a while…..

Micah (to a group): We will unite as one, and obtain our freedom!

Teen: Did anybody catch _Naruto_? I missed the last episode!

Micah: This may be more difficult than we'd thought.

Peter: I would have never imagined….that _you were behind all of this_…..

Kevin puts on a black coat and holds up a scythe.

Claire is running across the street in the rain.

Nathan holds up a gun.

Mohinder presses a button.

Sylar: Don't lie to me!....I know when people lie to me…..

(The camera shakes)

Sylar: Yeah, just like that…..

_New chapter, coming soon!_


	5. Behind Enemy Lines

The Heroes Parody Project 2

Chapter 5: Behind Enemy Lines

Warning: There are a few spoiler-ish moments, make sure you have some knowledge about the newest season of Heroes.

Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright of NBC. That means that all characters, events, and powers belong to them. Anything else has just been made up, though any similarities from any such names or events are completely coincidental.

Hiro: _Previously on Heroes_….

Matt wakes up and walks into the bathroom and screams. He runs into the kitchen where Niki and Mohinder are eating.

Mohinder: Good Lord, Matt. What happened?! You're bald!

Matt: I KNOW! I beautiful flowing locks……_they're gone! GONE!_

Niki: That's just tragic…..(discreetly hides the electric shaver under the table)

Matt: This is horrible!......_and Prom is only a week away! EEK!_

Niki: Well, look on the bright side, Matt……now you can go as _Lex Luthor_ for Halloween this year!

Matt: Hmm….excellent…..(rubbing hands together)….for then I will hold the world ransom for (puts pinkie finger to mouth)…._ONE MILLION DOLLARS!_

Niki: _That's 'Dr. Evil', you stupid!_

Matt: oh……

---

Peter and Nathan are playing football in the back yard….

Peter: Nathan! Go long!

Nathan runs back and Peter throws the football, Nathan misses the catch as Claire walks outside.

Claire: Hey guys, suppers ready….(BONK!)…_Ow, I broke my nose!_

---

Kevin Stevenson is born with '_modern grim reaper_' like abilities.

Kevin Stevenson: I met this girl in class today…

Claire: Hi! I'm Claire Bennet! You can shake my hand now….

Kevin: And when I touched her hand….nothing happened…..it's like she's immune to my ability.

Kevin meets Sylar in a warehouse.

Sylar: Your job….is to bring Claire to me…….

Kevin: ……and why should I help you?

Sylar: Because…..uh……I'll be your best friend….?

Kevin: Works for me!

Sylar: ……hmm, I can't believe that worked….

---

Peter and Nathan are playing football in the back yard….

Peter: Nathan! Go long!

Nathan runs back and Peter throws the football, Nathan misses the catch as Claire walks outside.

Claire: Hey guys, suppers ready….(BONK!)…_Ow, I broke my nose!_

Claire: Okay, it's not funny anymore…..or ever was….(Holding her nose as she walks back inside)

---

Nathan and Hiro are just chillin' on top of the mountain of pointless trials.

Hiro: Cuz that's how we roll yo!

Nathan: Shut it….we just wasted a _colossal amount of time_ climbing up this stupid mountain!

Hiro: What should we do now?

Nathan: We need Molly….since we can never find anybody for ourselves.

Hiro: But she practically lost her power after the 'alternative world' incident. But I believe Claire's blood can restore that….just guessing….

Elle (lying in bed): I'm having a mid-life crisis and staying at the Bennet's….

Noah (next to Sandra, reading a book): We know…….._Would you get out of our bed!?_

_At The Bennet's _

Nathan: Where's Claire?

Noah: _I'm sorry Mario, but the regenerative cheerleading princess is in another castle. _

Nathan: What the hell is wrong with you people!? _Is there a gas leak or something?_

_At Mohinder's_

Nathan: I need Claire, and don't give me any crap, woman!

Niki: _Excuse me?! _(She cracks her knuckles)

Nathan: Uh….better yet, where's Mohinder?

Niki: I know where he is….just come with me…..

Meanwhile, Mohinder arrives at a laboratory downtown.

Dr. Kane: Dr. Suresh, we would be honored if you joined our '_Remnant Project_'.

Mohinder: Remnant?

Mohinder looks down and sees Peter being used in the experimental process, he is stunned.

Dr. Kane: So….what do you say, Dr…..?

Mohinder: ……..

Claire walks out of the bathroom.

Claire: Hey guys, suppers ready (Football! BONK!) _Ow! I broke my nose!_......WILL YOU START THE DAMN SHOW ALREADY!?!?

---

_Mohinder Suresh  
A secret laboratory  
Far more elaborate than Dexter's laboratory…_

Mohinder and Dr. Kane are staring at the experimental procedures on the bottom floor, Mohinder is breathing on the glass to fog it up, where it writes

_SENIL YMENE DNIHEB :5 RETPAHC_

Dr. Kane: You do know that's backwards from the viewer's perspective….

Mohinder: Oh crap, I didn't think of that…..

He tries again, but writing backwards….

Mohinder: Oh screw it…..

Mohinder grabs a piece of paper and writes down….

_CHAPTER 5: BEHIND ENEMY LINES_

Dr. Kane: That was just sloppy!

Mohinder: Whatever!

Dr. Kane: So, Dr. Suresh, what do you think of our project?

Mohinder: Wha…..why are you doing this? I know that man! _He was one of my cab fares during my cabbie days…_

---

Peter gets into a taxi cab that's being driven by Mohinder.

Mohinder: Hello, friend…..welcome to _The Cash Cab!_

The cab's interior lights start flashing a variety of colors.

Peter: _What the flim flam!?_

Mohinder: I'll be driving to your destination while you answer a series of questions. If you get 3 wrong answers, I'll push you out on the street wherever we are and you'll have to hail another cab.

Peter: Okay, I can dig that…..

Mohinder: Are you ready to play?

Peter: YES!

Mohinder: Are you sure?

Peter: YES!

Mohinder: Positive?

Peter: Yes dammit, I want to play!

Mohinder: Oh, I'm sorry, those were three wrong answers….I'm going to have to give you the boot now…..

Peter: WHAT!?

Peter flops out of the taxi cab, and onto the pavement…..

Peter: ow…..

Dr. Kane: Oh….that's awkward…….but your extensive knowledge can help us out above and beyond.

Mohinder: I can't be a part of this…..this is madness.

Dr. Kane: Dr. Suresh….I…..didn't want it to have to come to this…..but I was trying to be polite.

Mohinder: …..

Dr. Kane: In fact…..this is more like an order….

Mohinder: An order?.....Who are you, my boss?

Dr. Kane: No….but I do have connections with some of the higher ups…..and if you do not comply…..I can make an arrangement to strip you of your scientists license…..

Mohinder: _My scientist's license_?

Dr. Kane: Yes…..and you know what that means?

Mohinder: ……-Gasp!-……._My monologues?_

Dr. Kane stifles out a quick chuckle.

Dr. Kane: Yup…….and you don't want that do you?

Mohinder: ……I………I…….

Dr. Kane: Because you _know what would happen…_

Mohinder: uh…..

---WHAT IF---

Claire is in her room, when Sylar emerges from the shadows….

Claire: GASP!

Sylar: Hello Claire…..it's time to die…..looks like nobody will save the cheerleader….or the world at that!

Claire: DOUBLE GASP!.....

Matt (Monologue): _Where do we go in life? Our beginnings? And our endings? No matter how far we run, we will always be chased by destiny. In fact…it reminds me of a song. _

Matt (singing): _This is the song that doesn't end…and it goes on and on my friend…some people, started singing it not knowing what it was…and people started singing it forever just because this is the song that doesn't end…and it goes on and on my friend…_

Claire: Matt?

Matt: …_some people, started singing it not knowing what it was, and people started singing it forever just because this is the song that doesn't end…_

Claire: MATT, SHUT UP ALREADY!!!

Matt: …_and it goes on and on my friend…some people, started singing it not knowing what it was, and people started singing it forever just because…_

Claire grabs Sylar's finger and pulls it to her forehead.

Claire: DO IT, NOW!

Matt: _This is the song that doesn't end, and it goes on and on my friend!_

Sylar: NO! ME FIRST! (Turns finger on himself…)

---

Mohinder: Oh dear god……

Mohinder takes another look at Peter.

A car goes zooming by, holding Nathan, Hiro, Niki, and Matt.

Matt: Dude! You completely missed it. We went on vacation.

Nathan: Vacation _from what!?_......What do guys do anyway….?

Matt: Mohinder does science things……Niki plants bruises on me……I…..uh…..

Nathan: You….uh….what?

Matt: I'm thinking…..hmm……I pretty much sit around eating cereal.

Hiro: I love cereal!

Matt: Yeah, I have some in here….(He pulls out a box)

Nathan: _Morning Breath Cereal?_ What the hell kind of cereal is that?!

Matt: It's delicious!

Nathan: What's in it?

Matt: I don't know….but it has these cute little marshmallow shapes. There are onions, garlic, anchovies, mushrooms, crescent moons, red balloons, and pots of gold! YUM!

Nathan: That's disturbing.

A car zooms right past Claire and Kevin who go up to the warehouse.

Claire: So, where are we headed? I really hope it's _The Olive Garden!_

Kevin: Not quite…..

Kevin opens up the door and they walk in. Claire stares ahead as Kevin slams the door shut.

Claire: -Gasp!-

Sylar emerges from the shadow.

Sylar: Hello, Claire…..

Claire: Why am I not surprised, you'll never die….

Sylar: At least……it's about to be that way.

Matt (singing): _THIS IS THE SONG THAT DOESN'T END!_

Claire: _DAMMIT MATT!_

Niki punches Matt in the stomach.

Matt: OOF!

Back at the warehouse….

Claire (to Kevin): _You're working with him?_

Kevin: …..

Claire: …..

Sylar: Now, if you don't mind……I have some business to attend to….

Sylar steps forward, Claire pulls out a gun.

Sylar: Hmm…..you've upped your game, Claire. I'm impressed.

Claire: Yeah, I kinda learned my lesson about the guys I date. I'm not stupid….

Kevin: Where did you get the gun?

Claire: It's not important. I have my ways….._I have my ways_…

---

Back at the Bennet's, Noah is searching around and picks up his gun.

Noah: This doesn't look like my gun.

He pulls the trigger and a flag labeled '_BANG!' _shoots out.

Noah: Hmm. Hey, Elle! I decided to give you your own pistol.

Elle: FINALLY!

---

Claire: I'm not going to stand here and let you take my power…..and you (to Kevin) you're just scum…..

Sylar: Get her.

Kevin: She has a gun, HELLO!?

Sylar: Oh geez…..

Sylar starts to step forward.

Claire: Uh….you can't heal. One shot….and it doesn't even have to go into the head.

Sylar continues.

Claire: I will shoot. I have expert precision.

She accidentally drops the gun, it goes off. _PING! TANG! POW! FLING! BANG! _

Sylar: ACK!

Kevin: What the!?

Claire: AHHH! Wait….I don't have to hide…well…

She ducks and covers her head.

Sylar: Ugh, this is insufferable….._this whole I lose my powers at the beginning of every volume is getting old! FAST!_

Claire takes off running, Sylar goes after her. The bullet hits a gasoline barrel and explodes. Claire and Sylar go flying through a nearby window.

Claire: That's going to sting…..

---_Today's guest planet in the opening title: Jupiter!_......_Eclipse!_......_Heroes---_

_Noah Bennet  
The Bennet Home  
What's Lyle up to: Watching Muppet Babies!_

Lyle: _NO I'M NOT!_

Lyle clicks the T.V back on.

TV: _Muppet Babies! We make our dreams come true!_

Elle walks in.

Elle: Oh my god! Are you watching _Muppet Babies!?_

Lyle: NO! Go away…._you don't even live here!_

Lyle gets up and slams the door in her face. He turns the tv back on then spots Elle staring at him through the window with her mouth agape.

Elle: _YOU SO ARE!!!_

Lyle: UGH!

-Later-

Noah walks down the hall into Claire's room, Elle is still asleep.

Noah: Are you ever going to do something?

Elle: I don't know…..this has been kinda nice. Sittin around……relaxing…….

Noah: Well get your lazy duff up! We have work to do!

Elle: Awww, but I hate work!

Noah: Move it!

Elle: Hmm…..I think I have ways to make you change your mind. (She sparks up her fingers).

Noah holds up a bucket of water.

Noah: _Bring it, sister…_

Elle: Uh……

_At The Bennet Table_, Elle and The Haitian are seated.

Noah: I've brought you here today to discuss some information about the whereabouts of Sylar, who may possibly still be alive.

Elle: I thought he died in that '_Alternative World_' mess!? Can't we just go after someone else?!

Noah: Nope. We got these intel photos courtesy of the Haitian……_golf clap for the Haitian!_

Noah and Elle silently give a round of applause.

Noah: Now I don't know where you've been the past few days….so I'm not going to dwell on it.

Haitian: I've been…..

Noah: Moving on………We are locking in his coordinates and hopefully we can finally catch him. We're going off the assumption that he lost all his powers again, so let's keep our fingers crossed.

Elle: Yawn…..

Noah: Next topic……If you haven't noticed today is _Donut Day_.

Elle: …..

Haitian: …..

Noah: And I see……_no donuts_. Whose turn was it last?

Haitian: Hers.

Elle: Ugh! I would've but I've been busy!

Noah: No you haven't. Now, since you were negligent I will have to take the donut money out of your pay…..but since you haven't done anything, you will go get the donuts then give me 5 bucks.

Elle: _Well that's stupid!_

Sandra comes running in, panicked.

Noah: Oh geez…..

Sandra: Noah! You have to help, Claire's in trouble!

Noah: What is she up to this time?

Sandra: Well, I had a tracking device on her that '_Smothering Mothers Magazine'_ told me I should and she's at the building that blew up not too long ago. I saw it on the news.

Noah: Hmm, okay, Sylar will have to wait. Come along team…….

Elsewhere, Claire wakes up, her right side is skewered with shards of glass. She removes the large pieces one by one.

Claire: There that's better.

She makes her way into a back alley, she looks around and can find no sign of Sylar or Kevin.

Claire: Hmm.

_Nathan, Hiro, Niki, and Matt  
The USNSLC (United States National Science Laboratory Compound)  
Formerly the DOPA (Department Of Pointless Anagrams)_

Matt: This is it.

Niki: Let's get in.

They walk up to a guard.

Guard: You may not pass!

Niki punches him in the face.

Hiro: Why did you do that?! He did nothing to you!

Niki: He got on my nerves.

Hiro: Okie dokie then….

Niki pounds on the door.

Intercom: State your names.

Niki: Rachel.

Nathan: Steve

Hiro: Bob

Matt: _Captain Planet_

Guard: Ooookay, those names are obviously fake…..Let's see, oh _Captain Planet_, you're just in time for your 3:00 tour. You may enter. The others can buzz off!

Niki: WHAT!?

The door opens and two guards motion Matt to come in.

Matt: Wow, I feel like Charlie in The Chocolate Factory!

Niki: Oh man, okay Matt……don't blow this. Try to get us inside.

Matt: Got it.

Nathan: Couldn't he just mentally tell them to let us in.

Niki: That's right…..Matt, do that instead.

The doors close.

Niki: Ugh, he sucks…..

Matt walks up to a guard.

Matt: _Take me to the Wonka Vision room_; and bring me some Gobstoppers…..and some Oompa Loompa's to pamper me and shower me with _Nerds_. NOW!

Guard: Blah?

Guard: Blah, Blah….

Guard: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah _Science_ Blah Blah _Learning_ Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah _Educational Experience_ Blah Blah…..

Matt: Oh….I see. Nevermind then.

He walks back outside.

Niki: Parkman! What the hell are you doing?!

Matt: They don't have chocolate….._I'm a sad Panda_.

Niki: This is pointless!

Niki marches up to the guards.

Niki: Listen our friend is in there, so if we can just go in.

Guard: NO! You do not have an appointment, you sir on the other hand.

The guard takes Matt's hand and drags him into the building.

Matt: NO! I don't want to go in…..I don't want to learn…._I WANT TO LIVE!!!_

The doors slam shut again.

Niki: So much for that.

Hiro: Nah, Matt Parkman will save the day. We are _Heroes_, and it is our destiny to fulfill our heroic duties to stop the villains and save the day like _Heroes _should and…

Niki: Okay, we get it!

Nathan: It's all in Matt's hands then…..

Niki (deadpan): Yeah, _he'll save the day_…._Moving on to Plan B_.

Niki gets on her phone and walks away from the group.

Mohinder is in the experimental room….being run by Dr. Alex….she walks up to him.

Dr. Alex: Wow…..Mohinder Suresh…..it's an honor to finally get to meet you.

Mohinder: I know.

Dr. Alex: …..

Mohinder (looking at Peter, hooked up to machines): So….what is with this specimen?

Dr. Alex: He is the primary source for our new, state of the art Remnant Technology.

Mohinder: Can you tell me a little more about these….remnants?

Dr. Alex: Well, all I know is that remnants are particles of the brain that lock in certain memories. People….places….objects……and stores them deep within the brain. Most people can forget about these past objects, but they are still in there. They just need to be 'dug out' so to speak. The point of all this is that these trials we are sending Mr. Petrelli on 'exercises' the brain, and we can pinpoint certain people. Extract DNA……and possibly start a more modern, and easier method of cloning….even people who have passed on.

Mohinder: That sounds pretty ridiculous…..but why Peter?

Dr. Alex: He was just brought to us…….we had direct orders that he be our first experiment.

Mohinder: I must get to the bottom of this……

Noah and company pull up to a back alley where the 'Claire Tracker' led them. They get out of the car. Claire is sitting down on the sidewalk.

Noah: Claire?

Claire: Oh…..Hi dad….

Noah: What are you doing out here…..? You should be in _your cage!_

Claire: Cage?

Noah: Oh right….we haven't finished that yet….(Hops on a walkie talking)…Sandra, how's the cage coming….

Sandra (hammering away): Me and Mr. Muggles would finish a lot quicker if Lyle would get off his dead rump and stop watching _Muppet Babies_….

Lyle (screaming): _I'm not watching that!!!_

Elle: LIAR!

Noah: Okay, keep me posted….Okay, Claire….let's go home.

Claire: Okay…..

Noah: Your clothes are bloody, what the hell happened?!

Claire: Long story….Sylar was here.

Noah: Where did he go?

Claire: I don't know….he got away.

Noah: Well, we'll worry about him later…..

_Tick…Tock…Tick…Tock…_

Claire:……

Noah: You hear that?

_Tick…Tock…Tick…Tock…_

Elle: I sure do, Mr. B.

Haitian: I don't hear anything….

_Tick..Tock..Tick..Tock..Tick..Tock.._

Claire: I know that sound…..

Noah: It's him…..

Haitian: Uh…

Elle: That's Sylar's theme…..

Haitian: His theme?

Noah: Whenever he's around…..

_Tick..Tock..Tick..Tock..Tick..Tock.._

Noah: He's getting closer….Claire! Get to the car and throw this _Teddy Ruxpin blanket over your head!_

Claire: Uh….

Noah: NOW!

Claire runs off.

Noah: Everybody….get ready…..

Claire: Uh, _the door's locked!_

The Haitian and Elle aim their guns….

Noah: Shoot to kill, men….

Elle: And women!

Noah: Here he comes…..

The ticking ensues…..suddenly, _The Crocodile from Peter Pan emerges from the back alley_…._Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock!_

Noah: Oh, false alarm.

Elle: I knew it wasn't him.

The Haitian bangs his head against the car door.

Back at the secret Laboratory. A cab pulls up.

Nathan, sitting on the curb with Niki and Hiro, looks up.

Nathan: Who is that?

Niki: I called in Micah.

Nathan: Is that Molly with him?!

Niki: Yeah………

Hiro: Where have they been?

Niki: I can't remember….let's just say camp!

Nathan: Oh brother….wait….we have Molly. That means all we need is Mohinder and have him give Molly Claire's blood and restore her ability and then we can finally find out where Peter is! Then we can finally get on with our lives…..

Inside….20 feet away, Mohinder is looking over Peter's file. Dr. Alex walks up to him.

Dr. Alex: Dr. Suresh….

Mohinder: AIIIEEEE!

Dr. Alex: Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you……um…..can you do us a huge favor?

Mohinder: I suppose…..it's not like I'm here against my will or anything…..

Dr. Alex: We're supposed to give someone _a tour of the laboratory_, but we're short handed. Would you mind doing it?

Mohinder: What? It's my first time here! I don't know where anything is.

Dr. Alex: Just wing it, you'll do fine…..you're a scientist…..you can finagle your way through this….

Mohinder: Hmm……true…..well, why you would give someone a tour at a top secret facility is beyond me….but whatever……

-Later-

Mohinder: GAH!

Matt: Heeeeey…..I know you!

Mohinder: I have to give _HIM _a tour……?!

Matt: What?!.....You….._are my tour guide?_........Pinch me, I'm dreaming!

Which Mohinder does.

Matt: OW! I didn't mean that literally.

Dr. Alex: Well, have fun!

She takes her leave…….Mohinder runs up to Matt.

Mohinder: Matt! What are you doing here?!

Matt: Uh……Uhh……..

Mohinder: That's great….anyway, I'm being held here against my will. You have to get Niki and anybody else so we can take down this building. Peter is being held captive here!

Matt: Hmm….I think Nathan would probably want to know that…..

Mohinder: Where is he?

Matt: Outside with Niki and Hiro.

Mohinder: WHAT!? Okay….get them in here.

Matt: Fine….you leave Dr. Alex to me……_I'll use my powers of seduction to get my way_. Peter will be out in no time!

Mohinder: Fine, I'll take care of everything myself…..

Matt: Well, that was just rude!

Outside…..

Niki: Micah, I need you to unlock the doors, break all the security cameras….and help us get Mohinder out of there.

Micah: Oookay, I can do that.

Nathan: This is imperative if we're going to find Peter.

Molly: Hold on….I'm getting something…..I see him….

Hiro: She actually has her ability, we won't need Claire's blood after all.

Micah: What's with that? Are they even the same blood type?

Nathan: It doesn't matter.

Micah: YES IT DOES!

Molly: I see him…..he's…..hooked up to machines.

Nathan: Molly, this is very important….where is he?

Molly thinks for a second then stops……

Molly: _He's in that building_.

Nathan: Oh fudge!

Niki: Okay, now we really need in there. Micah….

Micah: I'm on it….(He sets up his laptop)…..

Molly: I guess my ability can still work if the person is really close…..which still kinda stinks…..

Micah: Better then nothing I suppose. Okay, let's go hide. Mom, take this headset, I'll guide you to where Peter is. We'll be over there at Denny's monitoring your progress.

Niki: Sounds good.

Matt and Mohinder are walking down the hallway.

Mohinder: Okay…..I think the gift shop is down there……uh…..there might be a food court or something around here somewhere.

Matt: You are the best tour guide ever!

Mohinder: Oh shut up…….

They come to a window, one that overlooks the experiments below.

Matt: Hey, there's Peter!

Mohinder: Duh! Okay…..there's Dr. Alex……

Matt: She's purty…..

Mohinder: Tell her to release Peter from the restraints.

Matt: HEY!!!!! Dr. ALEX!!!

Dr. Alex: WHAT!?

Matt: _WILL YOU RELEASE PETER FROM HIS RESTRAINTS!?_

Dr. Alex: NO!

Matt: OKAY! THANKS!

Matt: Mohinder, she said no…..

Mohinder: I hate you…..soooo much…..

Matt: What?

Mohinder: I meant _mentally_, you tool!

Matt: Oh…..

Matt squints as Dr. Alex continues her work…..

Matt: Um….she's not doing anything.

Mohinder: Your ability isn't working?

Matt: That's what appears to be.

Mohinder: Well, that's just great.

Meanwhile….Micah opens the doors. Niki, Hiro and Nathan walk in.

Nathan: Okay….here's the plan. We find Peter. Then you….

Hiro: Me?

Nathan: You…..teleport him out of here, got it?

Hiro: Sure do!

Nathan: Good….

Micah (on Niki's headset): Okay Mom, you're going to need to take your first left at the hallway…..and take the elevator to the food court…..

Niki: Food court?!

Micah: Right down the hall from the Arby's is a set of double doors which will lead you into the experimentation room….that's where they are holding Peter.

Niki: Let's move.

Matt and Mohinder are still staring out the window.

Matt: I can't believe my powers not working….it's so not fair.

Mohinder: We can work our way through this…..let's just try to get Niki and the others in here then we'll be okay.

Dr. Kane: Hello, Mr. Suresh….who is your friend!

Matt: EEK!

Matt punches Dr. Kane in the face.

Mohinder: AHH! What is wrong with you?

Matt: Sorry, Mohinder….force of habit…..can't trust anyone these days….._I just got all my hair back!_

Mohinder: Right….let's get the hell out of here.

They take off running.

Dr. Kane (walkie talking): Issue a code red….I believe Suresh is escaping. He knows too much.

Sirens and red lights start blaring through the hallways. Niki, Nathan, and Hiro are in the elevator.

Niki: Not good…Micah? I thought you were disabling security…?....Micah?

At Denny's, some guards confiscate Micah's laptop, along with Micah and Molly.

Micah: Well, it was nice not being captured for five minutes.

Niki: Something's wrong. I think Micah's in trouble….I have to get back to him.

Hiro: Do not worry. I will go check!

Hiro teleports out.

Nathan: WAIT! Get….

He's gone….

Nathan: Peter…first…..ugh….

The elevator opens and they are greeted by guards.

Niki: Ohhh…..

Nathan: This isn't the _Men's Wear department_……..how embarrassing! (Desperately clicking the door close button)

Guard: Men's wear is on the fourth floor…..get them.

Nathan: Crap……

Meanwhile……at an abandoned house…..Kevin is going through some things…..he picks up a scythe….

Kevin: Very cliché….but it'll do I guess.

Sylar: I guess you have no hope for your girlfriend, huh?

Kevin: Whatever.

Sylar: Well, the one chance I had….you blew it.

Kevin: I don't even know why I'm working with you anyway.

Sylar: Good point. Maybe you should go.

Kevin: Yeah…..maybe I should.

He starts to make for the door.

Sylar: Oh, Kevin….one more thing.

Kevin turns around to Sylar holding Claire's gun.

Sylar: Could you give this to Claire……I mean…..if you see her again.

Kevin: That won't happen.

Sylar: Yeah…..it won't……

Sylar fires a bullet in Kevin's chest.

Kevin: What the?!

Sylar: Time to be bad…..

_TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK…_

Sylar: Enough of that!

The Peter Pan Crocodile snarls and crawls away.

Kevin: Oh….this is the part where you take my ability…..well….you can't touch me….You'll die as well, moron!

Sylar smirks and pulls on a latex glove, snapping it as it fits.

Sylar: I came prepared.

He raises the gun to Kevin's head and pulls the trigger.

-A few hours later-

Sylar: Done!

The doorbell rings. Sylar answers it to find a pizza delivery guy.

Guy: That will be 14.95….

Sylar: How about _free_?

Sylar taps him on the shoulder and the man collapses. Sylar is giddy.

Sylar: All the fun and _half the mess!_......Coooool…….Now if only _I was a shape shifter_…..

---

Sylar: I am going to change form…..and nobody will recognize me….

Sylar changes his appearance. He looks down at his shirt which reads: _World's Greatest Grandma!_

Sylar: OH NO!!!!! I've changed into _Grandma Grey_……

---

Sylar: Hmm…..no, I'd rather not have that.

Sylar grabs his coat and steps over the body of Kevin Stevenson.

Back at the lab. Nathan and Niki are being taken away.

Nathan: Do you think they would freak if they….witnessed us using…._our methods of escape_…..

Niki: Well, I don't know what's happened to Jessica lately….it's been nice not having her around…..so….I guess it's up to you. I mean, it's a lab….what will they say…..

Nathan: Dunno….

Niki: I know…..-ahem-…..so Nathan….how's that '_Flight' _gene you had injected into you during this afternoon's experiment….WINK! WINK!.....

Nathan: You've been hanging around Parkman _waaay to long_.

Niki: I know…I hate myself.

Nathan: Here goes…..

Nathan flies upward and smashes the guard who was holding on to him against the ceiling. Niki punches another guard in the face as Nathan swoops down and carries her off down the hall.

Guard: They've just passed Arby's!

Guard: They're going into the experimentation room!

Nathan and Niki land in the main room. Nathan runs up to Peter and starts typing on the computer.

Nathan: He's out cold….and his restraints are electronic.

Niki: Well, I hope Micah's okay….he's the only one who can crack the lock.

Nathan: Don't worry Peter, we'll find out whose behind this mess and set you free.

Nathan feels the cold steel of a gun barrel pressed against the back of his head. He slowly turns around to find none other than _Thomas Fox_. The step father of Sunny, the annoying girl from volume 2, and the biological father of Daniel Ryan, the creator of the alternative world.

Nathan: Oh…no……

Thomas Fox: That's far enough, my friend……

Niki: What?! This isn't the Lady's Lingerie Department…..How embarrassing…..

Nathan: …….

_To Be Continued…_

Next time: On Heroes……it's Peter's final experiment.

A baby blue Mercedes pulls up to a hotel entrance. Peter gets out of the car.

Two of America's toughest agents…..

On the passenger side….Matt gets out of the car.

Have 24 hours to stop a nuclear bomb from exploding and giving everyone boo boo's!

Niki: I think they'd get more than that.

Peter: Come on, partner…..We have a crime to stop.

Matt: You said it….(He slowly puts on his sun glasses, poking himself in the eye)

Matt: AHHH!

Mohinder: _I'm the professor!_

Niki: _You're always the professor in these stupid fantasy sequences!_

Mohinder: Well…..

Niki: Wait….did that say _Peter AND Matt_?

Mohinder: Yes.

Niki: We're screwed!!!

_An all new Heroes coming soon_….


	6. Sinister Sundown

The Heroes Parody Project 2

Chapter 6: Sinister Sundown

Warning: There are a few spoiler-ish moments, make sure you have some knowledge about the newest season of Heroes.

Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright of NBC. That means that all characters, events, and powers belong to them. Anything else has just been made up, though any similarities from any such names or events are completely coincidental.

Peter: _Previously on Heroes_……

Niki runs into the apartment. Mohinder and Matt are eating a nice big bowl of _Boo Berry Cereal_.

Matt: AHH!! I'm choking on a marshmallow! _I'm choking on a marshmallow!!!_ HACK! HACK!

Mohinder: Don't worry it'll dissolve eventually….

Niki: Guys! I have great news!......._it turns out that I have a sister!_

Mohinder: ….

Matt: ……

Niki: Well, _two actually_. Their names are _Tracy and Barbara! _Isn't that cool!?

Mohinder: ….

Matt: ……

Niki: Tracy agreed to meet me at the apartment! I can't wait until she gets here!

Mohinder: _I thought Jessica was your sister? _I'm so confused…..

Matt:…..aw, _I'm out of marshmallows_…….OOH! There's one……._HACK! HACK!! COUGH!_!

Niki (looking at her cell phone): Oh…..I just got a message…..according to this she's already here…..

She looks over to Matt…._eating a snow cone_.

Niki: ….Matt…..where did you get that?

Matt slowly takes a bite.

Niki: Matt, I asked you a question…..

Matt sloooooowly takes another.

Niki: MATT!

Matt leans back and taps his cup.

Niki: _Dammit Matt!!!_

Matt: You know, you can yell at me all you want…._she's the one that turned into the snow cone._

Mohinder: He's….actually got a point.

Niki: And who '_convinced_' her to do so?

Mohinder: Ooooh…..She's got you there.

Matt: _Damn_…..

At the secret laboratory…..

Dr. Alex: You are a part of _Remnant _experiments….in an effort to establish a more cheaper and convenient way to clone people, living or dead.

_Meanwhile, in the 'Clue' ripoff._

Linderman: I murder will take place tonight…..in the mansion. Good luck!

_Then in the 'Superhero' ripoff._

Peter: It's time to save the day! Oooh, a penny!

Peter bends over and rips his tights.

Isaac Mendez (a remnant in Peter's memory) since in reality he met an unfortunate end at the hands of Sylar…._back when he was good at killing people_.

Sylar: _I HEARD THAT!!!_

Isaac: Peter, I know everything that is happening……_and I'm the only one who can save you_…..

His mental activity, being monitored by Dr. Alex….deletes _Isaac from Peter's memory._

---

_Los Angeles, California  
3:00pm_

The sound of an alarm clock is blaring through the bedroom of Hiro Nakamura as he wakes up…..very very…..

Hiro: LATE! AHH!....I'm late for work! The boss is going to kill me!

Hiro hops up and staggers around the room trying to get dressed. Later, he arrives at work, where he is a Bellhop at Los Angeles' most prestigious Hotels, where Ando is waiting for him…..

Ando: Hiro! Where have you been?! You're 15 minutes late for work.

Hiro: You think I don't know that……it's my stupid alarm clock……..

Ando: Was it the one I got you for Christmas?

Hiro: No, I had to throw that one away….it didn't work at all!

---

Hiro is sleeping comfortably when his alarm goes off.

Alarm Clock (in a soothing whisper): _Hey………Psssst………Psssssst………Wakey, Wakey, eggs and bakey………Hey…………Pssssssst……_

---

Ando: You could've told me it broke!

Hiro: I just hope the boss doesn't find out.

Niki (popping up behind the counter): Not unless if I tell him….heh, heh, heh……

Hiro: Oh no!

Ando: _It's that Las Vegas Stripper!_

Niki: You idiot….I'm not…..whatever…..

Hiro: You can't tell the boss! You just can't!

Niki: Well…..I'm going to need some convincing…..

Hiro: Okay…..you can have my collectible _Star Wars Chewbacca Action Figure_. If you pull his string he growls……

Chewbacca: _Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!_

Ando: That's not Chewbacca!

Hiro pulls again.

Chewbacca: _Luke, I AM your father!_....

Niki: -Sigh-….Keep pulling…...

Chewbacca: _Let's all stop this fighting and have a nice big bowl of Strawberry Ice Cream!_

Niki: What the?!

Chewbacca: _Gargle! Gargle! Gargle!_

Hiro: There!

Ando: That was just awful….

Niki: NO DEAL!

Hiro: Oh man……listen, I'll do anything. Just don't tell the boss……

The head of the Hotel…._Daniel Linderman_….shows up….

Niki: Oh geez….

Linderman: Tell me what?

Hiro: EEK!

Linderman: Anyway, I need to see you guys in my office. We have a situation……

Hiro: Oh….whew….I thought I was going to get fired.

Linderman: Hmm…..I actually fired you _two weeks ago_.

Hiro: YOU WHAT?!

Linderman: Yes….cutbacks….. …..needed to save the money for the down payments of the _jewel encrusted toilet_ I just recently had installed in my office.

Niki: Uhhhh……

Ando: There goes my raise…..

Linderman: So…Mr. Nakamura….you can go away now…..and please don't think about sticking around like that guy from _Office Space_….because it would just be tacky. Toodles!

Hiro: But! But! But! But! But…..

Linderman, Niki and Ando board the elevator.

Linderman: So we've just received word that there's a bomb in the hotel.

Niki and Ando: WHAT?!

Linderman: Yes……it will be detonated in 24 hours if we don't give the terrorist _34 Million Dollars_. Not a penny less!

Niki: That's kinda a strange number to ask for!

Linderman: I mean….that's just pocket change for me…..but it's just the principal of the fact that if I cave in….what stops them from making these threats whenever he wants money?

Niki: I guess that makes sense…..

Linderman: So…..I've called in my two best agents for the mission…..

Niki: Since when do you have agents?

Linderman: A man as prestigious as myself always has to be prepared for the worst, Mrs. Sanders…..

Niki: Whatever…..

Meanwhile….a car is zooming down the street towards the _Linderman Suites Hotel Resort And Pool Plaza_…….being driven by Super Secret Special Agents _Peter Petrelli and Matt Parkman_. The time is 3:28pm

Peter: Okay, we're almost there…….

Matt (holding a pizza box): Man…it's our day off, do we have to work….?

Peter: Yeah, I know it stinks….but apparently this bomb is going to go off in 24 hours…..and if we don't stop it….._we're going to need a lot of band-aids_….

Matt: Yeesh…..okay, partner…..We'll stop this villain…..

Matt opens the pizza box, which reads:

_CHAPTER SIX: SINISTER SUNDOWN_

Matt (taking a bite of pizza): AGH! _That is friggin hot!..._.....ah boont mah toonge……eehh….

Peter: Is that ours or _are we supposed to be delivering that?_

Matt leans outside the window to see the _Dominos Pizza Sign on top of the car._

Matt: Uh oh…..

---_I'm a model, you know what I mean, when I do my little turn on the catwalk…on the catwalk…on the catwalk, yeah…when I do my little turn on the catwalk…Heroes!---_

Niki: _Seriously?!_

_Peter and Matt  
The Linderman Suites Lobby  
4:05pm_……

Peter and Matt get out of the car and walk into the lobby. Matt dings the bell.

Peter: Nothing….hmm…….

Linderman pops from behind the counter.

Linderman: Hello friends…

Matt: EEK!

Linderman: Ah….it's you two….follow me. We have much to discuss…….._Where's my pizza?_

Matt: Uh…

Linderman: Nevermind that…..follow.

The three of them are walking down a hallway.

Linderman: Now, like I've already mentioned. There is a bomb that a villain placed in my Hotel Resort. It will detonate in 24 hours….and I need you two to find it or everyone will die!

Peter: Can't we just evacuate the premises?

Linderman: No….I'll lose business.

Peter: Um….

Linderman: I suggest you start on the roof….and work your way down. You may take a break on the 44th floor where my subordinate _Mr. Bennet_ will be waiting with some ham sandwiches and packages of _Capri Sun_….

Peter: Oh man, I hate those……(To Matt) I can never get the straw in those stupid packages…

Matt: Just use scissors and drink it like a cup….

Peter: I'll have to remember that…..

Linderman: ANYWAY…….Keep me posted with these walkie talkies.

Matt and Peter: COOL!

Linderman: You'll need batteries which you can find on the 53rd floor gift shop.

Peter: _We don't get batteries!?_

Linderman: Nope!

Matt: Can we just go to that gift shop right there.

Linderman: Nope! 53rd floor.

Peter: Well, we can at least use the elevator.

Linderman: Nope! Stairs.

Peter: Aw….

Matt: _What a load of Shih Tzu's!_

Peter: Dude! Language!…..This is a family program you know…

Matt: Since when?

4:15pm…..on the stairs…..

Peter: GASP!......WHEEZE…….oh…..man…..

Matt: Dying…..slowly…..

Peter: Can't breathe…..too much……gasp…..leg cramps…..

Matt: I'm….not….going to make it….Peter.

Peter: Don't talk like that, we'll get through this, buddy….you just have to hold on….just a little longer.

Matt: I can't!.....I can't……here….take this…..

Peter: What is it?

Matt: It's a locket…..give it to Elizabeth…..tell her……tell her……..I love her…..

Peter: _Who the hell is Elizabeth_?!

Matt: I….don't know……just……play along……

Peter: Note to self……_pawn shop run!_

Matt: This is it……you've always been a good partner.

Peter: No, Matt! Don't die on me!….my birthday's like….a week away!

Matt: Goodbye….partner……erk….ugh….eehh….……..(he shuts his eyes)

Peter (on his knees): NOOOOOOOOO!

Linderman: _Oh for the love of god, you're still on the first floor!!!._ I mean this is just _PATHETIC!_

Peter (excited): Does that mean we can use the elevator now?!

Linderman: Fine!

Matt and Peter: YAY!

Peter and Matt are on the elevator.

Peter: That sure was nice of Mr. Linderman to let us use his elevator.

Matt: Yeah, he's a swell guy.

Peter: _Did you see that jewel encrusted toilet he has in his office_?

Matt: I sure did…..wait….was that _his_ personal bathroom?

Peter: Uh…..yeah….

Matt: Hmm….eeehhhh……_about that…_

Linderman (on his knees): NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

4:45pm……

Niki is walking down the hallway she bumps into Hiro.

Niki: Ugh, it's you!

Hiro: Niki….

Niki: Hiro.

Hiro: Niki….

Niki: Uh……I already said Hiro…….what are you doing here?! You got fired!

Hiro: Who said I was working, I'm here as a guest!

Niki: _In your bellhop uniform_?

Hiro: I'm a snappy dresser.

Niki: _Take it off, now!_

Old woman (hearing the conversation): _Well, I never!_

She slams the door.

Niki: Ugh….

Hiro: Please don't tell Mr. Linderman!

Niki: Hiro, it doesn't matter…._you don't work here anymore!_ Go away…..

Hiro: Fine…..it looks like you'll just _have to train Ando from now on_….

Niki: …….train….Ando?

Hiro: Yes! He's still quite new….and I was training him…..but…..I don't work here anymore soooo……

Niki thinks for a minute….

---

The other day….

Niki: Ando, where that meal for Mr. Robertson's room service?

Ando: I tried to cook it….but it didn't go as well as I'd hoped!

A giant _tentacle slithers outside the kitchen_.

Niki: _What the steaming hell is that?!_

Ando: _It's the Kraken!...Run for your lives!_

Niki and Ando haul their butts out of there while the tentacle levels half of the hotel.

---

Hiro: And _that was a good example_….

Niki: Uh…..

Niki (Linderman's office): Mr. Linderman, I think you were a little too hard on Hiro….you should give him his job back.

Linderman, sobbing while two workers carry out his jeweled toilet…..

Linderman: What are you talking about? You never liked working with him anyway.

Niki: Well….I've changed…..please…..have a heart….

Linderman: Well, I'll do it on one condition……Matt called complaining about stiff joints from the stairs….._would you mind giving him a massage?_

Niki: Uh…..

Niki (with Hiro): _Have fun in the unemployment line!_

Hiro: _Curses_!

5:06pm…..The roof.

Matt and Peter are looking over the ledge to the street 60 stories down.

Matt: Oooh, high……

Peter: Yeah, _me and building rooftops don't really get along well_….so let's make this quick.

Matt: Well, I doubt the villain would install the bomb up here…..so, I guess we can start the trip downward.

Someone emerges from the shadows…..

Mohinder: Good afternoon gentlemen…..I may be able to aid you in your quest to finding the explosive device.

Matt: Who are you?

Mohinder: The name is Mohinder Suresh…._Professor Mohinder Suresh_….

Peter: _You're the professor AGAIN!?_

Mohinder: What?

Matt: Yeah, you were the Professor in the 'Clue' and 'Super Hero' scenarios…..not cool man, not cool……

Mohinder: I'm just saying that the bomb is probably giving off radio waves that I can track….which will make your quest significantly shorter.

Peter: He's using _big words_…..better do what he says.

Peter is staring at a building across the street…..he notices someone on the rooftop with _a sniper rifle_.

Peter: AHH! We're about to get sniped! _GET IN! GET IN!_

The three of them run back inside at 5:30pm

Meanwhile, Claire Bennet (a waitress) is storming through the front doors, late for her job. She walks into the Hotel's Restaurant area and up to Nathan, the bartender.

Nathan: You're late.

Claire: Don't start……I've had a rough day……

Nathan: Did you hear about the bomb in the hotel?

Claire: There's a bomb here?!

Nathan: Yup.

Claire: Well, that's just great……

Claire spots Elle (a rival waitress) sitting at the end of a bar slowly stirring her drink.

Claire: Hello Elle…..

Elle: Hmm….somebody's late…..be a shame if the boss found out….

Claire: Not if he knows that _somebody is drinking on the job_…..

Elle: Tramp!

Claire: Hussy!

Elle: Sleaze!

Claire: Jezebel!

Elle: You may have won this round Bennet….but I'll be back……(She slithers away)

Claire: Whatever…..

6:00……Matt, Peter, and Mohinder have reached the 53rd floor.

Mohinder: Shouldn't we use the elevator?

Matt: Nah, I don't think I could put on another show to get us another lift….

Mohinder: Hmm…..

Peter: Where is your room?

Mohinder: The 30th floor.

Matt: What were you doing on the roof?!

Mohinder: I like a little fresh air….

Peter: Matt, look!

Matt: I see it! I see it!

The see the giant sign reading '_Bennet's Trinkets And More'_….

Matt and Peter: GIFT SHOP!!!

The run in while Mohinder looks confused. Inside, Noah is working the cash register.

Matt: Hello, shop keep!

Noah: Ugh…..what do you want?

Matt: Gummi Bears!

Noah: Aisle 4.

Peter: We also need batteries.

Noah: Aisle 4.

Peter walks down the aisle while Matt is filling up his bag with candy.

Matt: Yay! Gummi Bears……I suppose I should try one to see if they're fresh…

He pops one in his mouth…..then notices a _tranquilizer dart in his neck_.

Matt: EEK!

Matt falls to the ground.

Peter: _OH MY GOODNESS_….._They have 'Big League Chew'!! _I love that stuff.

Peter is at the counter paying for his gum and batteries while Noah is dragging Matt away.

Noah: That will be 7.34, sir…..

Peter (chewing): What have you done with my partner….?

Noah: I'm putting him in a holding cell until the cops get here because he was trying to steal Gummi Bears. I don't get what it is with you kids today. (A giant gum bubble start's filling up near Noah's face) Why can't you just pay for your candy and not try to steal it. It's just rude! I mean, back in my day we never had any of this villainy. (The bubble's getting bigger) We were honest kids. We paid for our candy. (The bubble's getting bigger) Of course when I was a kid the only candy we had were _sugar cubes_. (The bubble is pressing up against Noah's face) But that's beside the point. You two are adults, and your friend here should set a better example for the children of today. Does he have children? I hope not; because the children are our future. And furthermore….

The gum bubble explodes, completely covering Noah's face. _The Orbit Gum woman pops up_.

Orbit Woman: _Dirty Mouth?!_

Noah: Yes.

Orbit Woman: Clean it up with Orbit Gum….it'll give you that fresh, clean feeling. No matter what!

Noah smiles, his teeth shine!

Orbit Woman: _FABULOUS!_

Peter: I love Orbit Gum!

Peter swipes the package from the Orbit Woman's hands and pops a piece.

Peter: Ew! Maybe I don't like this……_it tastes like dishwashing soap!_

Peter notices a _tranquilizer dart in his neck_. He's down…..

Orbit Woman: Steal my gum will you……hmph….._Hooligan_……

Mohinder: Man, I'm glad I didn't go in there…..

7:00pm…..Niki is sitting in the restaurant, drinking some coffee…..She pulls out a compact mirror and checks her makeup….only to see her evil sister _Jessica in the reflection!_….(which is only just Hiro with a blonde wig)

Hiro: _Hello Niki_! It is I….your sister…..bwa, ha, ha….

Niki: Don't turn around, Niki…….(Which she does)….._Hiro, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?_

Hiro: I'm resulting to desperate measures to get my job back…..

Niki: That's funny….I didn't know we started hosting _Drag Racing_……GET IT!?

Nathan (at the drums)…_Dum, Dum…TSHH!_

Hiro: Very funny……I was going to try to pose _as you_…..

Niki: No.

Hiro: …and try to talk to Mr. Linderman…

Niki: No.

Hiro: ….and eventually that will…

Niki: Just stop.

Hiro: What?

Niki: I'll talk to him….I'll get your job back, if it will mean you'll leave me the hell alone….sheesh…..

Meanwhile, Claire walks up to a customer….

Claire: Here is your chai tea, sir……

Elle walks up and bumps into Claire, spilling the tea all over the guy.

Man: I'm pissed! I'll never drink here again!

He leaves….

Claire: Elle, what the hell?!

Elle: Ooh, Claire….you should be more careful…..you're so clumsy…..

Claire: GRR!

_The screen turns red as Claire glares her down_….._WEEE WOOOO WEEEE WOOOOO WEEEE WOOOOO WEEEE WOOO!_

Claire strips off her clothes to reveal _a yellow track suit_. Elle puts an eye patch over her eye. _They pull out their swords and start clanging them together_.

Nathan (at the bar with Hiro, eating peanuts): _A 'Kill Bill' parody?_.....yeah, _that's fresh!_ (Rolls his eyes)

Elle grabs Claire's hair and spins her around…..Claire manages to get free and runs up behind Elle and punches her in the back of the head…._an eyeball goes flying out and through the restaurant!_

Hiro: WHAT THE?!

Nathan: _GROSS!_

8:15pm……Peter wakes up in a prison cell next to Matt.

Peter: Matt……Matt….wake up…..

Matt (sleeping): aw…..but mom, _I don't want to go to school today_…..

Peter: Hmm….(High pitched voice): Well…._you better young man or you're grounded from the television!_

Matt: Dude, what the hell was that? That didn't sound like my mother at all…..

Peter: Oh…..

Matt: What happened?

Peter: We got _tranked_…..And now we're here…..

Matt: Did you get batteries….?

Peter: Oh yeah, I can use them to get a hold of Linderman…..

Peter (on the walkie talkie): _Little Hen to Big Bird…Little Hen to Big Bird……Come in, Big Bird!_

Matt: ????

Peter: Spy code names…..they do it all the time in the shows….

Matt: Ah…..

Linderman: _Who the hell is Big Bird?!_

Matt: The mutant chicken from _Sesame Street_.

Linderman: I'm sorry, you have the wrong frequency….good day.

Peter: WAIT!

Matt: Well, that wasn't very smart of you….

Peter: I know…..I really dropped the ball on this one, huh?

Matt: I'd say so…..

Mohinder comes running up.

Matt: _Professor Oak!_

Mohinder: It's Suresh……idiot…..I've come to set you free…..

Peter: How did you get the keys?

Mohinder: Don't worry….._It took some major convincing_…..and I was able to get the job done perfectly…..

---

Mohinder: _How much for the prison keys?_

Noah: 4.95

---

Peter: Well, get us out of here…..we need to find that bomb!

Mohinder: All we need to do is get back to my room. We can find my locator device and end this madness….

Matt: Do you always bring a _bomb locator device with you_ when you visit motels?

Mohinder: It's good to be prepared….

Peter: Uh huh…..

Meanwhile…..Claire walks into the lobby to see Niki, Hiro, and Ando…._playing 'Rock Band'_…..

Niki: I'm on Guitar!

Ando: I'm on Vocals!

Hiro: I'm on _Triangle!_

Niki: Oh, geez….

Claire: Where is Mr. Linderman…..I need to talk to him…..

Niki: Check his office…..I think he's getting a new toilet installed….

Claire: Uh….okay….

Claire walks away as the music starts to play….._Hiro (TING!_)…

Claire: Mr. Linderman!

Linderman: Okay….steady…..steady……

The workers are placing in…..

Linderman: _My solid gold toilet!!!_.....It's beautiful….

Claire: Right….anyway….Mr. Linderman….I want you to fire Elle! She's a terrible employee and drives customers away……She'd be in there now but _she's looking for her eye_……heh….

Linderman: Claire, I'm a busy man….I don't have time to get in the middle of your catfights. Now, leave me alone……I want to marvel at my beautiful _throne_….

Claire: Uh….

Linderman walks up to it and give it a hug….

Linderman: What's this?

Linderman picks at the toilet, peeling off what appears to be _the gold wrapping of chocolate!_

Linderman: AHHHH!

Claire: …ew!

9:30pm….Peter, Matt, and Mohinder are walking down the hall……Someone comes out of a room.

Peter: GASP!

Matt: It's _Sylar_….

Sylar: Oh…hello.

Peter: Sylar…..I knew it was you all along.

Sylar: What are you talking about?

Matt: You're the one that planted the bomb!

Sylar: _There's a bomb in the hotel!?_

Peter: Don't play stupid with me, Sylar……We know you're behind it….

Sylar: No….I'm really not the bad guy this time…….I'm just on vacation.

Matt: Uh huh….._arrest him, Mohinder!_

Mohinder: What?

Matt: _Book him_……_Take him away_……whatever……

Mohinder: Uh….I'm not that strong……nor you don't have any evidence that it was him!

Peter: He's Sylar…..that's all the evidence you need.

Matt: Looks like our job is done……._and that's what I call 'a sticky situation'…_

Peter and Matt laugh…..

_THE END_

_Director – Some guy_

_Camera A – Bob_

_Lighting – Phil_

_Director Of Photography – Susan_

_Chef – Boyardee_

_Mr. Petrelli's Wardrobe Supplied by - Lane Bryant _

_Mr. Parkman's Stunt Double – A Turkey Sandwich _

Sylar: _WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE!!!_

Peter: What?

Sylar: When did you find out about this bomb?

Peter: Around 4:00 this afternoon.

Sylar: My check in time was 7:30…..you can check the cameras….how did I get in here to set the bomb when my first visit here was several hours later….?

Matt: Uh….

Peter: …..Hmm…..

Mohinder: ……

Matt: ……CRAP!!

10:05pm…….Nathan is putting some food up on the bar….

Nathan: Hey Claire…..I need you to take some room service to Mrs. Robinson in 30A…..

Claire: Will do….

Claire grabs some of the food and puts it on a rolling tray….the rest of it is grabbed by Elle.

Claire: Elle, what are you doing?

Elle: Taking this to Mrs. Robinson….

Claire: Elle, Nathan already asked me to take it.

Elle: I know…..I'll take this part of the food, and tell her that you were running late with the rest…..then you'll be fired for sure!

Claire: GRR!

Elle: Later, loser!

Claire and Elle take off, racing their trays through the lobby past Niki, Hiro, and Ando.

Claire: Oh no, the elevator's broken….

Claire and Elle shoot each other looks and race toward the stairwell…….Where they are trying to push their food carts up the steps.

Elle: _This is hard_!

10:45pm…..The guys (including Sylar) bust into Mohinder's room and look for the device.

Mohinder: It's here….Now….all I need to do is…..

The phone rings.

Peter: Maybe it's room service!

Peter picks up the phone.

Peter: Hello?

Voice: _I know you are trying to find the bomb, well…this will not do!_....._I have decided to detonate the bomb at midnight!_.....

Peter: ….._Do you have to?_

Voice: _Yes_.

Peter: Really? I mean……do you _HAVE to?_

Voice: _Yes! Stop questioning me!_

He hangs up.

Sylar: Who was that?

Peter: Some guy who was miffed because he knows were looking for the bomb and now we only have an hour to find it.

Mohinder: WHAT!?

Peter: But that's okay…….we can find the bomb with this device….

Mohinder: Yes……this device……

A door closes behind them, and it's _Linderman_…..

Linderman: Congratulations…..

Matt: Huh?

Peter: What's going on?

Linderman: You two have done a fantastic job.

Peter: We haven't found the bomb yet…..

Mohinder: Yes you have…..

They two turn around to see Mohinder's device on the bed…..

Linderman: Thank you, Mr. Suresh……

Peter looks at Mohinder, who is chuckling to himself.

Matt: What is going on!?

Linderman: I'm actually _not surprised_ you haven't figured it out yet……_that device is the bomb itself_.

Peter: GAH!?

Linderman: I've hired Mr. Suresh to bring the bomb into the hotel…..

Peter: Why!?

Linderman: To blow it up and collect on the insurance money! I've wasted all my fortune on stupid novelty toilets you know……

Peter: So…..Mohinder……you're working with Linderman.

Mohinder: That's right.

Peter: So the guy who I saw on the rooftop with the rifle…..(To Sylar)…..WAS YOU!!!!

Sylar: WAIT!

Peter tackles Sylar…..something falls out of his pocket.

Linderman: ……_FBI!?!_ This man is an agent!

Peter: Uh….

Sylar: Yes….._and I was trying to take down Mohinder on the rooftop because he's a wanted criminal in 30 different states_…….But thanks for blowing my cover, _jackass!_

Peter: Whoops!

Matt: That means…….that Mr. Linderman is actually……_NIKI!_

Linderman: What?

Matt tries to pull of Linderman's mask/face…..

Linderman: AHH!

Matt: _COME OFF! DAMN YOU!!!!_

Linderman: ENOUGH!

Linderman aims his gun…..everyone backs off.

Linderman: Now….this bomb is going to go off whether you want it to or not…..

Peter: Wait! I have a question….

Linderman: Oh wonderful….

Peter: If you were blowing up your own hotel…..why did you call us in to stop it…..?

Linderman: It would look better on my insurance if I made an attempt to stop the bomb….DUH!

Matt: Hmm……

Linderman: Now……I'm going to take you ALL back to the _Gift Store Prison_. Where you will wait…..and then the bomb will go off.

Matt: You'll never get away with this!

Linderman: Yes I will.

Matt: Okay.

Linderman backs into the hallway, and Claire runs into him with the food tray.

Linderman: OOF!

Claire: Oh crap…..there goes my raise…..

Peter: Matt!

Matt: Right.

Matt turns to Mohinder.

Matt: _JUDO CHOP! _(He whacks Mohinder)

Mohinder: OW!.....That really hurt!

Matt: _JUDO CHOP AGAIN!_ (WHACK!)

Mohinder: OW…..stop it, you buffoon!

Peter grabs the bomb and runs down the hall. He throws it out the window.

Peter: And the day is saved.

A loud explosion is heard as the building starts to shake.

Peter: Uh oh……_Can we do that again?_

-REWIND-

Peter grabs the bomb….

Peter: Let's go!...._There's only one man who can disarm this bomb!_

Mohinder: Me?

Peter: No! Come on, team.

Later……in the now working elevator; Peter, Matt, Mohinder in handcuffs, Sylar, and Claire with Linderman unconscious on the food tray, are waiting for the ground floor.

Peter: So……how is everyone doing this evening?

Claire: I'm good……I'm doing better now…..

Elsewhere, Elle's food tray wheels have been slashed.

Elle: ARGH!

Claire: Yeah….I'm doing much better…..

Peter: Matt, did you have a good weekend?

Matt: Oh man, it was awesome….I went fishing.

Peter: Catch anything?

Matt: Nah, I'm not good at fishing.

Peter: Neither am I….

Matt: I know….you were there.

Peter: Oh yeah…..

Matt: Yeah….

Peter: Anybody else do anything fun this weekend?

Claire: I got my hair cut!

Matt: It looks lovely.

Claire: Thank you Matt.

Sylar: I went para-sailing at the lake.

Claire: I always wanted to do that! Is it fun?

Sylar: It's a blast. It makes you feel like your flying. It's just…..an incredible experience.

Peter: I always wanted to Sky Dive…..

Sylar: That would be cool….

Claire: Not me…..I'd be afraid my cord wouldn't work and I'd go splat….

Matt: As if _you have anything to worry about_…..since you can't….

Claire shoots him a look.

Matt: Oh right….nevermind……

Peter: We all should do lunch sometime…..

Sylar: There's this really good Italian restaurant down the street.

Claire: _Marconi's? _Oh, they have the best Chicken Parmesan..…

Matt: I like spaghetti.

Mohinder: _WILL ONE OF YOU PRESS THE DAMN BUTTON ALREADY!?!?_

Peter presses the button.

Mohinder: Thank you.

Claire: ……

Matt: …..

Sylar: …….

Peter: ……Did you do anything this weekend, Mohinder?

Mohinder: _I made a bomb_.

Peter: ……That……sounds like fun.

Later, the elevator door opens……Meanwhile, at the bar….Nathan is looking through a magazine……he looks up to see Peter and everyone else standing there.

Peter: Nathan.

Nathan: Peter.

Peter puts the bomb on the bar.

Nathan: ……

Peter: Well……go ahead…..

Nathan sighs…..He lifts up the bomb and opens a compartment……taking out the _two AA batteries_ and throwing them to the side…..He goes back to reading his magazine. Everyone looks at Mohinder.

Mohinder: Uh….heh, heh……..

Peter: _Batteries?!_

Mohinder: _I took them from your walkie talkies_……

Peter: ………

Later, the police show up and take away Linderman and Mohinder……and Elle.

Claire: She was in on it too, you know.

Elle: NO I WASN'T!!

Peter and Matt are walking down the steps outside….

Peter: Well, a job well done….

Matt: Yup.

Peter: So now what?

Matt: It's time for you to do your next mission.

Peter: What's that?

Matt shoves Peter to the ground…..sprawled out…..Peter realizes that he is in restraints _back at the laboratory_. He wakes up…..

Peter: Uh……huh….whaa………Where am I?......

Peter looks ahead to find _Nathan and Niki_……being held at gunpoint by _Thomas Fox_…..Fox looks at Peter….

Peter: …….

_To Be Continued_….

On the next Heroes……

Peter: Just what is your plan? How did you survive?

Fox: I plan to seek vengeance for my son's death…..and your experiments have done wonders for my research……

Niki: Ugh….now he's starting to sound like Mohinder. Bleh…….

Fox: The 'Remnant' project is turning out to be a huge success……we believe that we can start a revolutionary cloning process……

Niki: Who are you planning to clone?

A list is compiled on the computer, all with the _Heroes_ names on them……..

Niki (a laugh): You're cloning us?

Fox: Nope…..

Nathan: …..he's bringing back our _alternative selves_……

Peter: NO WAY!

Fox: Yes way….!

Peter: NO WAY!

Fox: Uh….yes…..I am……silence….

Peter: NO WAY!...._Don't go there, girlfriend_……

Fox: SHUT UP!

Peter: …okay……

_An all new Heroes, coming soon_…….


	7. Foxhunt

The Heroes Parody Project 2

Chapter 7: Foxhunt

Warning: There are a few spoiler-ish moments, make sure you have some knowledge about the newest season of Heroes.

Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright of NBC. That means that all characters, events, and powers belong......to them. Anything else has just been made up, though any similarities from any such names or events are completely coincidental.

The cast of heroes are sitting around.

Claire: Hi. I'm Claire Bennet, and I'm with the cast of _Heroes_. We're here today to bring you a special announcement....

Peter: That's right, Claire....

Claire: …..

Peter: As of today, _The Heroes Parody Project_ will be broadcasted in _HIGH DEFINITION_. So this day will be the day we finally make the jump into the future!

Matt: Awesome!

Niki: Um.......We're in HD now?

Peter: Yup!

Niki: How does that.....I mean.....you know what? I'm not even going to go there.

Matt: Yeah, so enjoy the show in crystal clear picture goodness. By the way Niki...._you should have that mole checked out._

Niki: I don't have a mole!

Matt: I never noticed it before but now that we're in HD it looks like something died on your face!

Niki: _Something's about to die alright_...

Peter: And.....here we go in high definition....enjoy.

---

**Peter: Looks like it's time to save the world again!**

**Niki: This is HD? What a rip-off!**

**Matt: Whoa.....my beautiful face is so detailed....**

**Nathan enters the room.**

**Nathan: What in the world is going on around here? Why does everyone look so strange?**

**Peter: We're in HD now, bro!**

**Nathan: HD?.....Um......how does that work with this story exactly?**

**Niki: That's what I've been saying....**

**Matt: And seriously Niki....._do something about that mole!_**

**Niki: Matt! Shut your pie-hole!**

**Matt: Maybe it's just some chocolate. I'll take care of it. (He licks his thumb and smudges Niki's face)**

**Niki: ERRGH!!!**

---

-The television explodes!-

Nathan: _Previously on Heroes_…

A crazy scientist by the name of _Richard Prescott_ conducts an experimental procedure to eliminate special abilities from people. Why? Because his daughter also had an ability to conjure ice. He was not happy about this.

Nathan: _That happened all the way back in Volume 1! _Like anybody is going to remember that!

Long story short, his son, Simon ('Cy' for short) did not approve and messed with the formula. So Peter not only lost his powers, but they were sent to seven different individuals. Including _Sunny Evans_, the obnoxious girl from Volume 2, who loved chocolate milk! And can turn invisible!

Claire: Don't bring her back! For the love of god, keep her away!!!

These seven individuals were being hunted by a casino manager by the name of _Thomas Fox_. Fox is Sunny's presumed father, then turned out to be step-father. A mysterious killer (who looked a whole lot like Peter) was 'off-ing' these people and taking their abilities. Because _Sylar could never do the job himself since he was too busy making waffles_.

Sylar: _That only happened once!_

Peter (or someone that looked like him) had a one on one with Thomas Fox....then he killed him. Meanwhile, Claire graduated from high school.

Later, a man by the name of Daniel Ryan, a comatose man with the ability to create worlds inside his brain where he is conscious, who deriving a plan to create a horrific world and when he awoke in the real world, his vision would come to life and boatloads of people would probably die. This world 'The Alternative world' consisted of doppelgangers of people from the real world, including the Heroes themselves (so the guy who looked like Peter back then killing those people was actually an 'Alternate' version of him.....good times). _Alter-Claire _had the ability to inflict pain upon herself but reflect the actual feeling of the pain upon someone else. _Alter-Matt_ can make objects explode by touching them, like _Jubilee! _Or was it _Rogue_...ah, who cares...? Mohinder can form into liquid (which didn't last long until the real Matt made quick work of him using the quicker, thicker, picker-upper '_Bounty_' paper towels!) and Nathan could alter gravity.....I guess a watered down version of flying; and for Niki, her alternative was _Jessica (_Which makes sense...actually it doesn't.). Meanwhile, the kids, Micah and Molly were kidnapped, Molly got sent to the alternative world and had her power erased, then got the boot...fortunately she could still use said power upon coming back, but not very well. The heroes were able to find Daniel Ryan only to be accosted by Thomas Fox, (not dead) his biological father. Ultimately, the alternative world was destroyed, but Peter, Sylar, and Ryan were still in it. Upon Ryan dying, any _alter_native folk perished along with him. The heroes escape from the building that explodes, emerging from the fire was Fox, who wasn't dead again....

Now....recently....

Claire was interested in a guy named Kevin in her class who had the ability to have 'Grim Reaper' like abilities (he touches you, you croak, pretty basic). Sylar (who survived the alternative world mess, though it is unclear how) is in-cahoots with Kevin to get Claire so he can steal her ability again......why was Kevin going along with it?

Sylar: I'll be your BFF!

Kevin: whatever...

Kevin was able to dupe Claire into going with him into an abandoned warehouse, which is never good. Claire had the upper hand figuring it was a trap and pulled a gun on Sylar, only completely missing him and shooting a barrel that explodes. Sylar and Kevin get away, Claire is left in the back alley. Noah and Company were able to find her thanks to Sandra Bennet's stellar parenting skills.

Sandra: ...you can find more of my wonderful advice from my new book. '_What to expect when you're expecting....your child to do something stupid'_. Coming this holiday season! Pre-order now to receive a limited edition _Muggles Bookmark!_

Agent: I'm sorry, Mrs. Bennet. We couldn't get the rights to Muggles' image.....so we had to go with _Marmaduke_.

Sandra (sobbing): _BUT HE SUCKS!_

Sylar and Kevin get away. Kevin is skeptical about Sylar's motives. So Sylar kills him and takes his ability.

Elsewhere, Nathan and Hiro (sans Ando since he has to work) were on a mission to find Peter (post-alternative world), only to go on a wild goose chase and to team up with Niki and Matt and heading to a secret laboratory where Mohinder is doing some sort of guest-supervising against his will. Micah and Molly come to help....only to get kidnapped. Go figure.....This laboratory was the holding cell for.....

Peter! (Although unclear how he ended up here) is being used in experiments titled 'The Remnant Project' which uses memories of people as a cheaper, more effective way to clone people, basically reviving the dead. Peter had to sit thought a 'Clue-Ripoff', a 'Superhero Scenario' and 'Peter and Matt: Secret Agents'. These trials seem like they have nothing to do with using memories to clone people (and they don't) but the trials serve as exercises to stimulate the brain to make the process go smoother. But, the final experiment has ended, Peter is now awake. Nathan and Niki are held at gunpoint by Thomas Fox, _who still isn't dead_, and that pretty much covers what happens up to now, sort of......_Heroes Continues...NOW!!!_

_Peter, Nathan, Niki, and Thomas Fox  
The Main Control Center of the Secret Laboratory  
Where Professor Utonium added sugar, spice, and everything nice to make 'The Powerpuff Girls'!_

Peter: Fox.....you're alive?

Fox: Well, well......Peter, you are awake.

Niki: Wow, so perceptive...(rolls eyes).

Peter: Why am I here? What are you up to? When is someone going to take care of that mole on Niki's face!?

Niki: I do not have a friggin mole.....I swear, next time I see Matt......

Fox: You were being used in my experiment, Mr. Petrelli. You see.....When my son, Daniel, perished....the 'alternative' world went along with him. You and Gabriel Gray managed to escape. Upon the wreckage from the building, I found the bodies of you and Gabriel. I decided to take you in....and here you are...

Peter: Well, that explains everything....

Niki: Uh....NO! Why didn't you take Sylar?

Fox: Peter was a more interesting specimen....

Nathan: Yeah, the whole 'Peter being used as a Guinea Pig for the sake of science' plot has been used like _4 times already_.....

Fox: Besides....before I had a chance....Sylar got away. I should have killed him.

Peter: Don't bother.....That never works.

-Flashback-

Peter, Claire, Hiro, Noah, Angela, Matt and the others are standing outside next to a bon-fire. Sylar's corpse is burning in the raging flames.

Claire: He's really dead.....isn't he?

Noah: Yes, Claire.

A woman approaches them.

Scout Master: You know, I wish you wouldn't have your viking funerals or whatever on our campsite. My scouts are trying to cook marshmallows for heaven's sake!

Matt: It's a camp.....though I don't see Micah.....He usually gets stuck in places like these.....

Angela: Well, looks like somebody's going to have to get him so we can take our business elsewhere.

Everyone looks at Claire.

Claire: What!? I'm not touching Sylar! He's gross.....Peter can shape shift, can't he turn into fire or a bucket of water and grab him or something?

Noah: _He's not a Wonder Twin, Claire!_

Peter: That would be _awesome!_

Claire: Oh....Fine....I'll do it, but I won't like it.

-END-

Nathan: Finally.....

Fox: Anyway, here we are....

Peter: That explains everything.....

Niki: No it doesn't! Didn't you die?!

Fox: I did.....

Nathan: Hold it! Fox was killed by Alter-Peter back then before Claire's graduation.....so you must have been the alternate-version of Thomas Fox.....but didn't you die when Daniel Ryan did? Since all alternative people instantly die when....the host does or whatever?! Ugh...this is extremely confusing....

Fox: Because....the man that died...._was my alternate form_......

Niki: That means.....you're the real Thomas Fox.

Nathan: Oh wow, _that clears up everything. I'm a lot less confused now!_

Peter: I don't think so Niki, I think it was something else.....

Fox: She's actually right.

Peter: Nah.....I'm going to go on a whim and say that...._you're really Sylar!_

Fox: Uh....No.

Peter: Linderman?

Fox: NO!

Peter: …._Muggles?_

Fox: _NO DAMMIT! Now keep quiet!_

Peter: Okay, I guess I'll believe you....

Niki: One question, why? Why are you doing this?

Fox: It was the perfect plan to clone those who have fallen.....

Niki: You're going to revive _The Alternatives_......

Fox: Exactly....and use them against you for revenge!

Nathan: Hell, go for it....._they were pretty pathetic last time_.

Fox: No they weren't! My son created them, and their powers....were unlike anything I've ever seen.

Nathan: Hmm.....nah, they were pretty bad.

Fox: Silence! The experiments are done.....now all I have to do is start....._The Resurrection Process_.

Peter: Is there a way you can revive '_Pushing Daises'_.?...I really miss that show....

Fox rolls his eyes while typing something on the computer. Random pictures of Claire, Mohinder, Matt, and _Jessica_ pop up.

Fox: And so it begins........argh...._damn pop-ups....._

_(On the monitor) CHAPTER SEVEN: FOXHUNT_

_---An eclipse is shown, there's the world...and the whole display forms into an eyeball or something..............._HEROES---

_Hiro  
The Local Denny's Restaurant  
Arteries....clogging....must....finish....moons over my-hammy!......_

Hiro busts into the restaurant. To find the children....

Hiro: GONE!.....Oh no.....this is bad indeed. I can do something.....

Hiro scrunches as his cell phone rings with the 'Macarena Song' blaring (it was Ando). Hiro disappears.

Meanwhile, at Ando's work (in his cubicle), Hiro pops in and falls on top of his desk.

Ando: Hiro! What are you doing here?!

Hiro: Oh no! Did you just call my cell phone?

Ando: Yes.

Hiro: Drat! It must have distracted me and I ended up here!

Ando: Well that makes no sense since you don't know where I work!

Hiro: The children are in trouble, Ando. We must help them!

Ando: Hiro, I'm working! Can you not see that!

Hiro: But Ando, this is serious!

Ando: There are other responsibilities that need tending to, more important than whatever it is you are doing.

Hiro: _More important than saving the world!? Have you gone stupid!?_

Ando: How is the world in trouble this time?

Hiro: Well, Peter was captured, and I had to team up with Nathan...._horrible partner by the way...._and we went to see an ancient Chinese prophet, then he died, and now we were with Niki...._who's not that great of a partner either...._Micah and Molly were at Denny's then they were kidnapped and I must go save them!

Ando: Fine! Don't get your undies in a twist! I'll clock out for break. But you better get me back here in _one hour_.

Hiro (to himself): He says this to the man who can alter time. He must think I'm stupid........oh Ando, so naive.

Ando: Hello! I'm standing right in front of you!

Hiro: EEK!

Back at the lab.....

Nathan: Fox....don't do this. You cannot revive the dead! _Remember when Buffy tried to revive her mom back in Season 5?_ It had horrible, horrible results!

Niki: We're about to die and this man is on the verge of destroying the world and the best you can do is _a Buffy reference?!_

Nathan: I don't see you trying anything!

Niki: Peter! Do something!

Peter: Fox....don't do this! You cannot revive the dead!......_You remember that episode of Blossom when_......

Niki: GOD, YOU TWO SUCK AT THIS!!!!

Fox is ready to push a button.....a whip wraps around his hand, startling him.

Fox: Wha!?

Everyone turns to the door to see Matt and Mohinder. Matt, who is wearing a brown fedora hat and holding the whip.

Matt: _The name is Bond.....Gold Bond Medicated Powder. _

Nathan: Wrong franchise there, champ......_and you said it wrong!_

Mohinder (To Matt): Matt, what are you doing?

Matt (whispering): I have to do these ads on the side!

Mohinder: Why?

Matt: If we don't they'll cut our budget....._and we don't need that again._

-Flashback-

Sylar walks into a room where he notices Elle.

Elle: That's far enough, Sylar. It's time to meet your maker. _It's also time for you to die!_

Elle shuffles up to him, dragging her feet on the carpet. She touches his arm, giving him a small shock.

Sylar: _THAT'S IT!?_

Elle: There's more where that came from!

Sylar: Oh Elle....that is just pathetic!

Elle: Here comes another one....(starts to wipe her feet)

Sylar: It's going to be a long night.....

-END-

Matt: Let them go!

Nathan: Well, thanks to Matt's _cut-a-way segment to something pointless_. He got away!

Matt: _Oh fudgesicles!_

Mohinder: I'll try to see if I can bring the system offline before any real damage is done. You guys try to find him.

Matt, Nathan (who unties Peter) and Niki run off after him.

_Noah and Company, Claire  
The Bennet Household  
Where this bowl of porridge is too hot....this one is too cold.....and this one is just...AS HOT AS THE FIRST ONE! AHHH! MY TONGUE!_

Noah, Claire, and co. enter the house. Sandra is thrilled.

Sandra: Claire! You're safe! I'm so glad!

Claire: Hi mom.....

Sandra: You're just in time for dinner....your old boyfriend Tom stopped by.

Claire: Tom.....I don't know a Tom!

Noah shoots Elle and The Haitian a concerned look. They run in to find _Sylar wearing a sports jacket_.

Claire: It's you!

Sylar: Hello, Claire......I've missed you.

Claire: DIE!

She tackles him and starts ramming his head into the kitchen tile floor.

Claire: LEAVE...(whack).....ME....(whack).......ALONE.......(whack).......YOU.....(whack)......CREEP......(THUD)

Meanwhile, _The Real Sylar walks in_.

Sylar (not the guy getting brutalized): Uh.....

Noah: WHAT!?

Claire: Oh......so this must be Tom....._OHHHHH.....Tom, that's right I remember him_......We used to go out....

Noah: _You dated someone that looked like Sylar!? _

Claire: That was before....you know......_all of this_.

Elle: I get it.......though that _makes absolutely no sense_.

Tom (who we thought was Sylar.....just someone that looked like him) busts out the door.

Claire: I don't know what you're up too. Where's Kevin?

Sylar: He's dead....my dear.

Claire: WHAT!? I can't believe this.....I'm so sad....

Noah: Oh, whatever. You only knew him for like _'3 chapters'_, get over it!

Claire: Well, there goes that sentimental moment.....

Sylar: And now.....his ability is mine....

Claire: He had an ability?

Sylar: You didn't know...hmm.....oh well.....I guess we'll have to try it out on someone.....

Sylar picks up a Barbie Doll and caresses it with his hand. He placed the doll on the table. Everyone looks confused. Sylar knocks the Barbie over.

Elle: I'm.....not....getting....it.....What are you trying to.....

Sylar: It's a symbolism thing.....

Claire: _You can play with dolls!?_

Sylar: NO, STUPID!!! Anything I touch can be killed.......so, who will be the first to go?

Sandra: Can I say something?

Sylar: I don't see why not?

Sandra: In order to kill someone you just have to touch them. Well, almost everyone here has _guns_....so you are not only outnumbered but _out-firepowered _as well.

Sylar: That's right....

Sandra: YAY! Score one for mom!

She runs up to a chalk board and puts a tally mark under her name.

Sandra: Eat my dust, losers!

Sylar: But none of that matters...._since there is only one spot on my entire body that can kill me...and I can move it wherever I want. TEE FRICKEN HEE!_

Noah: For the millionth time, you _can't shape-shift anymore!_ And by the way....that's so cheating....

Sylar makes his way toward Sandra, not laying a finger on her, since she would croak. Noah and The Haitian draw their guns, Elle takes her shoes off so she can _rub her feet against the carpet...._

Sylar: _We have no budget again?!_

Sandra: That's my fault. I had _Rachel Ray _make a guest appearance to help cook a fabulous dinner for us.

In the kitchen, Rachel Ray dumps a colorful foreign substance into a device and pushes on the lever. The substance forms long stringy noodles as they slide onto the plate.

Rachel Ray: _Play-Dough Spaghetti is ready!!!!_

Sylar: Ew!

Back at the lab. Matt, Niki, Peter and Nathan are running down the hall after Fox. He is cornered.

Nathan: The jig is up, Fox.

Peter: And the case has been solved....._isn't that right, Scooby Doo?_

Scooby Doo: _Rhat's right Reter! Row we can take that runavuh ritch to rail werh he can rot cuz Ruffles have Ridges!_

Peter: My thoughts exactly....

Niki: _WHAT THE 'F' IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!_

Fox turns and jumps out the window.

Nathan: ARGH! He's getting away again! _You guys suck at this!_

Nathan takes off running and flies out the window. He soars toward the pavement outside after Fox, only to stop abruptly before reaching the ground. He looks around, confused as to why he is suspended in mid-air, only to notice that someone is holding him in that position, he looks over to see _himself (the alternate Nathan)_, standing next to Fox.

Nathan: Oh boy......here we go again.

Back upstairs, Peter is looking out the window.

Peter: NATHAN!!! Are you okay?! If you're hurt I have plenty of _Strawberry Shortcake band-aids to heal your wounds!_

Niki: Forget it, let's just go after him.

She turns around to be greeting with a fist. The punch to Niki's face sends to sliding several feet.

Niki: What the hell was that?!

She sees her _sister/alternate self Jessica _stand before her.

Niki: ….....ah....

Mohinder comes running up.

Peter: Mohinder! There you are! We need to hurry and.....

The sound of a gunshot rings, Peter notices a bullet wound in his arm.

Peter: Hey! That hurt!

Niki: Mohinder! What is wrong with you.....?

Matt grabs a fire extinguisher and bangs it over Mohinder's head, only to have it _pass though his body which has a watery consistency_.

Niki: Oh no.....he did it, the managed to bring back the alternatives......now we have to re-live this story line again. FUN!

Matt: They are? I just wanted to hit Mohinder with a fire extinguisher.

Meanwhile, _the real Mohinder shows up_.

Mohinder: Guys, I have terrible news! We're too late!

He sees Jessica standing over Niki, Matt holding a fire hydrant, _'Alter-Mohinder' _holding a gun, and Peter bleeding.

Peter: Crap! I've put on like 100 of these stupid band-aids, but it's not stopping. I think we should get to the doctor peoples.....

Mohinder: Hmm....well......looks like you guys found out the news. So.....GOOD LUCK!

He spins around to see the alternative forms of _Claire and Matt (who can destroy things with one touch) _has his hand inches from Mohinder's face.

Alter-Matt: I wouldn't move if I were you.

Mohinder: Yeesh.

Matt (The real one): Don't trust him, Mohinder! He looks like me but he has _a soul patch. Which means he's evil! _

Mohinder: Well, duh! I think I can figure out which one is which. I am a brilliant scientist by the way.

Niki: Yeah, and might I add you are doing an absolute _stellar job_.

Mohinder: What's that supposed to mean.

Alter-Claire: You all are coming with us.

Peter: Scooby Doo! You have to save us!

Scooby Doo: _Ro Ray! (Shakes his head) Rot unless you rave a 'Rooby Rack'?_

Peter: A....'Ruby Rack'?

Scooby Doo: _Rooby Rack!_

Peter: Roooo....Roooo....A Rugby Pack?

Scooy Doo: _ROOBY...RACK..._

Peter: …..A Ruh......Roo....Ruh......Row.....Row, Row, Row your boat, gently down the stream?

Niki: _He wants a Scooby snack! UGH! Idiot..._

Peter: Oh, well I ate them all. And for the record they tasted like garbage.

Scooby: GRR!

Back at the Bennet's.

Noah, Elle, The Haitian, Claire, Lyle, Sandra, Muggles, and Sylar are all eating dinner.

Rachel Ray: Eat up!

Sylar: What the hell is this? _Play-Dough?!_ I'm not touching this crap.

Rachel Ray: You have to eat your dinner, or you're not getting any desert.....and by desert I mean '_your freedom'._

She flicks a switch and all the doors lock in the house.

Noah: Oh no.......

Rachel Ray: So until you eat.....nobody is going anywhere tonight.

Elle: YAY! A _SLEEPOVER!!!_

Noah: Dammit....and I just got her out of my house!

The scene shrinks down into a small box (ala 24) while the following scenes are happening:

(Rachel Ray is monitoring the Bennet family's dinner table, holding them hostage)

(In chains, Nathan, Niki, Matt, Mohinder, and Peter are loaded up into a van. Fox is pleased)

(Hiro and Ando are on the subway, Ando reminds him that he can teleport, which they do)

(Micah and Molly are in a holding cell)

(Angela Petrelli, who has yet to be introduced in this story-arc, is at home knitting a sweater. Unaware that any of this is going on)

Hiro and Ando arrive back at the lab, and everyone is gone.

Hiro: We're too late! Again! I'm going to get demoted down the cast list for sure now!

---IT'S THE HEROES SHOW!!!---

Starring: Peter Petrelli!

Claire Bennet (snaps her arm into place)

Nathan Petrelli

Matt Parkman

Niki Sanders

Mohinder Suresh

The Bennet Family

Micah Sanders and Molly Walker

Elle Bishop and The Haitian

Ando

The people who supply the wardrobe

Applebee's (They brought food)

Camera Guy Joe

Carrot Top (He brought props)

and finally Hiro Nakamura.....TOILET CLEANER!

Hiro: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Hiro: WAIT! We have someone who can help us.....the only person who can.....

Cut back to Angela Petrelli knitting....

Angela: Oh so now I'm going to be used in the volume, well isn't that nice. Jerks......

_To Be Continued_.....

Next Time on Heroes, it's the last chapter of the volume. (Which off the record, I'll start the volume with two chapters, take some time off, come back, write a bunch of them, take a LONG TIME OFF, then come back to finish the final two, I don't know why it always seems I do that but...hmm....)

At Angela's....

Hiro: You have to help us Mrs. Petrelli!

Angela: Fine, I'll help. But first you have to impress me with your piano playing skills.

Hiro hops on the grand piano and starts playing '_I dropped my dolly in the dirt'_.....

Angela: Ugh.....don't even bother.

Hiro: Micah's the piano player in the group anyway.....

At the Bennet's.

Noah: If we're going to do this we're going to have to work as a team. Okay, we need to split up....Elle, you go with Sylar. Everyone else come with me to the living room so we can catch the season finale of _LOST._

At the Big Bad's lair....

Peter: It's time to end this.....

Peter reaches for a sword.

Peter: _I HAVE THE POOOWWWEEERRR!!!.....um...._

_He tugs at the sword but no avail._

Peter: This things a lot heavier than I thought....

Niki slaps her forehead....

_End..._


	8. What Doesn't Kill You

Allright folks, it's been a month and a half! You know what that means…..time to finally finish this volume! (Hangs head in shame)

-The Heroes Parody Project-

Peter: _Heroes_ is copyright of NBC and also it's creator Tim Kring (since we never included him in the Disclaimer's up until now, why not go ahead and start?). Any of the characters, good or evil, powers, awesome like mine or lame (-cough-…Maya….-cough-), locations, plot twists, and everything else belongs to them! Story contains possible spoilers, any similarities from any characters living or dead is completely coincidental, viewer discretion is advised, _only you can prevent forest fires_…..

Nathan: Are you done?

Peter: ……yes.

-_Previously On Heroes-_

Niki: Peter is being held in this lab against his will!

Mohinder: So am I!

Niki: Like anybody cares about you…

Mohinder: RUDE!

Micah: Good luck mom, we'll monitor your progress in that restaurant over there with the menacing looking men holding fish nets.

(They get captured)

Peter: Fox….you're still alive?

Fox: Yes, and all of this was to bring to life….some old memories!

Niki: He's going to bring back the Alternatives…..jeez…..

Peter: Oh my god, he's bringing the Alternative versions of us back for revenge.

Niki: I JUST SAID THAT!

Fox jumps out the window, Nathan follows only to get captured, along with Niki, Matt, Mohinder, and Peter.

Fox: Bring them along….I have bigger plans for them…..

Claire, Noah and Company head back inside the Bennet House.

Claire: Mom, we're home!

Sylar runs in.

Sylar: Hello…..Bennet….

Claire: Hello…..Gray…..

Seinfeld: _Hello…Newman_….

Sylar: Uh……

Sandra: I hope you brought your appetites, Rachel Ray is our guest cook.

Rachel: Nobody is going anywhere until you eat my food!

The doors lock.

Sylar: Well, this plotline is about as stupid as they come……

Hiro arrives at Ando's cubicle.

Hiro: Ando! You have to help! Those other stupid people are in danger!

Ando: Fine!

They arrive at the lab.

Hiro: Everyone's gone!

Ando: Of course….

Hiro: There's only one person who can help us now…..

Angela (knitting): Yes, I'm still here!

---

_Hiro and Ando  
Angela's Palace  
In the Land of Make Believe next to King Friday's Castle_

Ando: Are you kidding me? Angela Petrelli?! How is she going to help us!

Hiro: Just you wait and see my friend…..

Ando: I mean her power isn't that helpful! How is it going to track the others?

He notices that Hiro already went inside…

Ando: That's nice…..

Hiro and Ando make their way down the hall, entering a grand hallway. Her face appears on a giant projection in front of them.

Angela (booming): _WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER!?_

Hiro: It is I, Hiro Nakamura!

Angela: Oh, you're that silly time traveler and his sidekick friend who has no powers.

Ando: I had powers once! _Like my red electricity that made people's powers more potent!_

Hiro: That's right! You made _Daphne_ so powerful she could….run…..through…..time?

Angela: My statement still stands.

Hiro: You have to help us on our mission!

Angela: Fine….let's see…..Hiro, I will give you _a heart!_

Hiro: A what?!

Angela: Ando….for you…._a brain_!

Ando: Well, that's just mean….

Angela: For your cowardly lion friend, some courage…now in chewable tablet form!

Hiro: Geez!

Dorothy: What about me! Great Wizardess!

Angela: For you Dorothy, I give you these _Ruby Red Flip Flops!_

Dorothy: _FLIP FLOPS!?_

Angela: Of course I kept the slippers for myself!

Dorothy: How am I gonna get home?

Angela: _It's called a Bus_!

Hiro: _MRS. PETRELLI!!!_

Angela: Oh, did you want something?

Hiro: Mrs. Petrelli….we desperately seek your all powerful wisdom. Tell us where we need to go in order to find Peter and friends.

Angela: Oh, Peter is in trouble again I see…..not like I would know, _since he never calls anymore_.

Hiro: Uh…

Angela: His brother, Nathan……

Hiro: _Horrible partner, by the way_.

Angela: He's just as bad…..you know what they got me for Mother's Day? A Burger King gift card with no money on it….in fact it was overdrawn…..

---

Angela: I would like to have one of those delicious Whoppers, please.

Clerk: Oh, it looks like you have a card.

Angela: Yes, my sons gave it to me. It was very sweet of them….

Clerk: GASP! This card is overdrawn! GET HER!

The King runs out and tackles Angela.

---

Angela: Now I've been banned…._FROM BURGER KING!_....Who the hell gets banned from Burger King?!

Hiro: Um….Mrs. Petrelli I think you're kinda missing the big picture here…..

Angela: But fortunately I had one of my guards get me this (she chomps down on a burger)……hmm…..what the……oh yeah, it's Big Macs I like……I forgot I hate Whoppers!

Hiro bangs his head on the ground while Ando holds up a sign:

_CHAPTER EIGHT: WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU_…

Hiro: Just roll the damn title sequence already….

---Matt and Mohinder are dressed as The Sun and The Earth---

Matt: Hey I'm the Earth!

Mohinder: …and I'm the Sun!

Matt: Now I'm just going to walk right past you, causing an Eclipse! Oooooh!

Meanwhile, Noah, Claire, Sylar, Elle, Sandra and The Haitian are all wearing shirts with the individual letters 'H.E.R.O.E.S' on them.

Claire (The Letter 'E'): This is just sad…..

Noah (The Letter 'H'): These are kinda tight and itchy….

Sylar (The Letter 'R'): Can I get mine in a powder blue?

---BUDGET CUTS!......_Heroes!---_

_Niki, Matt, Mohinder, Nathan, and Peter  
Piled up in a van  
Not the one down by the river_

Niki: Well this bites…..

Nathan: Oh it's not going too bad…..The Alternatives are back alive again though I still don't know how….we have a villain who just wont die already…

Matt: Sylar?

Nathan: Well, him but he's actually not the problem now….that stupid Thomas Fox guy is…..

Peter: Heh, heh, heh….

Nathan: What are you chuckling about?

Peter: I have the perfect plan to get us out of here….

Niki: What?

Peter (screaming): _I SAID I HAVE_….

Niki: UGH! I meant…._What is it?_

Peter: It's a secret I'm going to share with my brother….

He leans over and whispers in Nathan's ear.

Nathan: Uh….Peter, I'm over here…

Peter realizes he's sitting next to Thomas Fox.

Peter: _Oh bugger…_

Fox: _Enhance Security!_

Niki: Good going, stupid!

Peter: It's not my fault I was seated next to the main antagonist of the Volume!

Nathan: He's been the main antagonist for like…._twelve volumes!_ This is getting old!

(NOTE: Nathan has been removed from the story do to his free thinking comments about the story's inconsistencies. The part of Nathan Petrelli will now be played by famed Magician _Criss Angel_).

Niki: WHAT!?

Criss: Hello, friends….would you like to see some….MAGIC!?

Matt: Yes!

Niki: No.

Peter: Why not?

Guard: Sure.

Fox: Okay.

Driver: Yeah!

Passerby: Woo Hoo!

Mohinder: Let's see it!

Matt: Yes again!

Niki: Whatever!

Peter: Hey, what happened to Nathan?

Criss: Okay, I am going to take this glass of milk…..and turn it into Cottage Cheese!

Niki: Excuse me?

Criss takes the glass and sets it on the ground.

Criss: Now we wait.

Niki: ARRRRGHH!

_Claire, Sylar, The Bennet Family, Noah and Co.  
The Bennet Household  
Who are still wearing their HEROES letters T-Shirts_

Noah: Why the hell are we still wearing these?!

Sylar: I still like mine, even though it's made with 500% cotton…..

He takes a sip of water and accidentally spills some on himself. The shirt shrinks down, cutting off his circulation.

Sylar: ERK….CAN'T……BREATHE…..WHEEZE (He falls down)……

Claire: So what's the deal, were we being held hostage by Rachel Ray?

Sandra: Yes.

Claire: I don't see her.

Sandra: Yes.

Claire: Where is she?

Sandra: Well, we could only afford her for the last episode, she had to go back this time.

Claire: So…..she's gone?

Sandra: Yes.

Claire: And we're not being held as prisoner's anymore?

Sandra: Yes.

Claire: Which means we could've left and gotten on with our lives already?

Sandra: Yes.

Claire: Well, I'm outta here!

Sylar jumps to his feet! Sylar takes Claire hostage! Additional Exclamatory Sentence!

Sylar: Not so fast!

Sylar rips off his Heroes T-Shirt.

Elle: NAKED!

Sylar rips off his skin to reveal the shirt we was wearing before. Everyone gives each other looks.

Sylar: Don't ask me how I did that….ANYWAY…..you all are going to follow my instructions….or she gets it.

Claire: Ugh!

Claire grabs Sylar's and starts patting all round her.

Claire: _I CAN'T DIE, MORON!_

Sylar: Ohhhh….that….makes….sense…..

He shoves her out of the way and runs over to Sandra.

Sylar: AH HA! Now, follow my instructions or I'll…..ooh….uh….I don't feel so good…..

Noah: Don't tell me you actually ate that Play-Dough Spaghetti?

Sylar: I did…..and the Play-Dough Breadsticks…..argh……._BLLLEEEGGGH!!_

Elle: _He's barfing up a rainbow!_

Claire: GROSS!

_At The Hospital_…several hours later….

Sylar: Now that I've had my stomach pumped and had to endure endless hours of painful rehabilitation…..I can go finally back to being the villain….

Everyone: YAY!

Sylar: Come with me, Mrs. Bennet…..

Sandra: Okay.

She walks over to him.

Sandra: I felt bad about you getting sick so I made you this _'Get Well Soon' cupcake!_

Sylar: Aw…how sweet……Hmm….it tastes kinda funny….

Sandra: It's made entirely out of _Play-Dough!_

Sylar: _BLLLLLEEEEEGH!!_

Claire: GROSS!

_A Few Hours Later_……

Sylar: Well, I'm never eating again! Okay, Mrs. Bennet you'll come with me, you all have to do what I say or I'll kill her, blah, blah, blah, you know the drill……

Elle: Man, we're really in a bind? Eh, Mr. B?

Noah: Oh yes….He's been incapacitated long enough for us to escape, but did we? NOOOOOO!

Back at Angela's Castle Palace….

Angela: I've decided to go with you….I've seen it in my dreams…..

Hiro: Finally! We're getting somewhere…..

Angela: We just have to go one tiny little errand….

Hiro: Here it comes…..

Angela I have to go visit my sister, _Alice_….

Ando: You have a sister?

Angela: Oh yes, and she's very powerful! She can control the weather!

Ando: Cool!

Angela: I accidentally forgot her birthday, so I hope she's not too mad.

Angela opens the door to find that the castle has been _buried in snow_.

Angela: Oh yeah, she's mad.

Ando: Now what?!

Hiro: Well, that's just a minor setback. Don't forget I can teleport….._just as long as there are no inconvenient plot twists_….

One of the Heroes writers bursts into the Writer's Room.

Writer: _PLOT TWIST!_

Writers: _PLOT TWIST! PLOT TWIST! PLOT TWIST!_

Head Writer: Bring forth…._The Wheel Of Plot Twists_!

The other writers drag out a giant wheel. One of them spins it, as it slowly lands on '_Hiro's Head'_…..

The head writer pulls out a card.

Writer: As of right now…._Hiro's Time Traveling Ability only works in warm climates!_

Hiro: OH NO! I forgot that I can't teleport when it's cold outside!

Ando: Of course not.

Angela (shaking fist): _Damn you, Wheel Of Plot Twists!_

Back in the Van, Matt looks out the window to find that they are headed toward a giant building complex.

Matt: Oooooh…..Ahhhhh…….

The van pulls up, some guards open the back doors as everyone is chained up.

Peter: This seems all too familiar…..

Mohinder: Like the time we were all hunted down and all chained up to be sent off.

Nathan: I know! That was a horrible experience!

He turns to Niki who has 'Pissed' written all over her face.

Niki: I'll kill you where you stand!

Nathan: Who wrote those words on your face? I hope that's not permanent!

Niki: Who do you think?

Matt sneaks over to a sleeping guard and writes something naughty on his forehead.

Matt: Tee Hee Hee!

Other Guard: HEY! Get back in your shackles!

Matt: OOP!

Matt runs back over and puts his cuffs on.

Fox: Welcome to my Main Building Of Operations.

Niki: I thought that stupid lab was your main building of operations?

Fox: No, that was my lab……this is where I sign the paychecks.

Mohinder: This building's like 76 stories tall, and there are several others like it on this lot! What all could you be doing here besides writing checks?

They walk into a huge room filled with giant weaving mechanisms….

Peter: Oh I get it! Everyone here looks like they're weaving stuff….but I bet they're _all a part of a fraternity of trained assassins!_

Man: HE KNOWS OUR SECRET! KILL HIM!

A thousand lasers focus all over Peter's body.

Peter: Ruh roh!

Nathan: Ugh, this is Thanksgiving all over again!

The gang pile up into an office where Fox sits at his desk.

Fox: Well, well, well…..now what to do with you……?

Nathan: So now what? You've revived the Alternatives which I still think doesn't make sense….so what are you trying to accomplish?

Fox: Well, being a former casino manager….I love games….and I would like to play one if you wouldn't mind….

Peter: I call 'Hungy, Hungry Hippos'!

Mohinder: Scrabble!

Matt: 'Don't Break The Ice'!.....What?....Nobody remembers that?!.......You all haven't lived like I have…..

Fox: I was thinking something more…..sinister.

Matt: YAY!

Fox takes a gun and places it in Niki's hand.

Niki: Uh……

Fox: To my left, on this screen…..you will see your son and his friend in their respective cages….

Peter: Cages again?

Niki: Micah!

Mohinder: Molly!

Matt: _Roger Rabbit?!_

Roger: You got to get me outta here, pal!! Toon Town's in trouble! _P-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-lease!_

Fox: If you shoot Peter, in the head, right now…..I will let them both free.

Niki: WHAT!?

Fox: If you don't…..I will press this button and they will both die.

Niki: GAH!

She thinks about it and moves the gun…..

Fox: If you shoot me, it will automatically trigger this building to go up in an explosion that will not only kill the children….but you as well.

Niki: I'd do it just to get rid of you and all of this…..but Micah and Molly are still in there……

Matt: Damn! If only Hiro was here to teleport us out of here!

Peter: I know, and the temperature is just right for him to use his time traveling ability, too!

Nathan: _Stupid Plot Twist Wheel_…….

Niki: What if I do nothing?

Fox: Um….the children die, I'm pretty sure I've already covered that.

Niki: Crap!

Fox: You have 30 seconds…..

Niki: Double Crap!

Peter: It's okay Niki, you can shoot me. I'll take one for the team!

Niki: Uh….

Mohinder: But it could be a trap, he might kill us anyway.

Niki: True.

Nathan: If you don't do anything, Micah and Molly will die!

Niki: I know!

Nathan: But I really don't want you to shoot my brother, either!

Niki: Argh!

Matt: You can shoot Fox, all of us will die…..but the evil will be stopped.

Niki: …..

Mohinder: It will save the world…….

Niki: Oh crap, crap, crap…….

Fox: 10 seconds……

Niki: What am I going to do?.....

Fox: 9….

Niki: I have to take my chances, I'm sorry Peter….

Fox: 8….

Peter: It's cool, I am allergic to death…but I'll manage…..

Fox: 7….

Niki: Okay…

Fox: 6….

Niki: I'm aiming the gun…

Fox: 5….

Nathan: This sure is being drawn out…..

Fox: 4….

Niki: Here goes…..

Fox: 3….

Mohinder: I can't watch!

Matt: This popcorn has no butter in it!

Fox: 2!

Niki: Forgive me.

Fox: 1!

Niki pulls the trigger…..

_Meanwhile, back at The Bennet's_….

Sylar (in Claire's bed): Well, since the doctor's said I've practically overdosed on Play-Dough, I'm now terminally sick. AND YOU have to take care of me until I'm better.

Noah: Seriously?

Sylar: Yes, I have lawyers standing by.

Noah: Well, I guess….

Elle: WHAT?! Wait a damn minute! I was staying here and it was a huge deal. Now the crazy serial killer that has tried to kill Claire numerous times is in her bed and you're all '_Well, I guess…_'

Noah: Uh….

Claire: Speaking of which, why my bed?

Noah: It's the most comfortable because it has _Memory Foam!!!_

Everybody: _Memory FOOOAAAAM!_

Claire: Uh, whatever…..Anyway, I'm outta here….

Sylar: Uh, no……my first request is some food…._real food_…..not made from Play Dough!

Claire: Unbelievable……

Sandra: Well, looks like this is going to last a while….

Claire: What? We're ending it like _this?!_ It's the end of the volume!

Noah: Sorry, Claire Bear. Looks like you'll be tending to Sylar well into the next volume.

Claire: THAT SUCKS!

Sylar: Wonderful!.....Mwahhaahahahahahahha……

Claire: Dammit!

Meanwhile, back at the castle, Hiro and Ando where able to dig a tunnel through the mountain of snow covering the castle. Hiro helps Angela up as they make their way outside.

Hiro: Well, Claire's storyline is up….I hope ours doesn't end soon since all we were able to do is get Mrs. Petrelli out of the house.

Angela: Actually, our journey is just beginning……

Hiro: _JUST BEGINNING?!_ What are you saying…..?

Angela: A very important quest awaits you, my dear…..very important indeed…..

Dorothy: Excuse me, Wizardess! I want a refund on this stupid flip flops! They are hell on my bunions!

Angela: Sorry, all gifts are final.

Dorothy: Damn…..

She walks away (flap…flap….flap….flap…..flap…..flap…..flap…..flap…..flap)

Hiro: I…

(Flap….flap…..flap…..flap…..flap…..flap)

Hiro: Ugh……

_Rewind a bit, meanwhile, during Fox's Countdown_…

Fox: 2………1………

Peter: Don't worry, Niki…….just…._curve the bullet_.

Niki: What the hell does that mean?!

Mohinder: Just the damn gun!

Niki pulls the trigger, the bullet slowly exits the chamber and glides through the air.

Matt: That bullet sure is taking it's time!

Peter dodges it just in time and places his hand's on Fox's desk, which explodes in his face, shattering into millions of pieces.

Fox: ARRGH!

Niki: What the!

Peter: In case if you're wondering, while we were walking in the building I brushed up against _Alter-Matt,_ who has the power to make things combust on touch.

Niki: Well, that was actually kinda smart of you.

Mohinder: He's getting away!

Nathan: That's original….

Nathan: Peter and I will go after Fox, you guys get Micah and Molly.

They split up and run out the door. Peter and Nathan are charging down a hallway.

Nathan: I think he went in this room!

Peter: This fight is going to be epic….._we better close the doors behind us so no one can watch!_

Nathan: Right!

They run in as Peter closes the doors behind him. A Janitor walks up and peeks through the crack in the doorway.

The doors fly open, knocking the Janitor over.

Nathan: He wasn't in there!

Peter: Curses!

Nathan: He must have ran this way!

They take off down the hall, being watched. Elsewhere, Matt, Mohinder, and Niki are searching door by door looking for Micah and Molly.

Matt: Not here……Not here…….OOH!....oh…..not here…….

Meanwhile, in their cages…..

Micah: -Sigh-…..here we are…..

Molly: Yeah…..

Micah: Caged……again…..

Molly: -Sigh-……Yeah……

Micah: You think we'll ever go one day without being captured?

Molly: I dunno…..I sure do miss the good old days though….

-Flashback-

Matt makes Molly a sandwich made with Glue.

Matt opens his shaken soda can, knocking Molly across the room.

In the airport baggage claim, Matt accidentally knocks Molly on the conveyor belt.

Matt turns the other way as Molly is dragged off by German Shepherds.

Matt and Mohinder are walking through the forest as a Bald Eagle swoops down and carries Molly away.

---

Molly: Well, I might be able to get used to this……

Mohinder: I found them! The door is locked though…

Mohinder turns around to see Niki.

Mohinder: Think we can open this?

But of course it wasn't her.

Jessica: I'm sure you can.

Jessica decks Mohinder who flies through the door.

Mohinder: That stung.

Down the hall, Matt and Niki are stopped.

Niki: It's _Alter-Mohinder_!

Matt: What can he do again?

Niki: Turn into…liquid?

Matt: Hmm…..don't have any paper towels this time, better think of something else.

Alter-Mohinder: You may have gotten away last time……

Alter-Mohinder and Niki struggle, he manages to push her on the ground.

Alter-Mohinder (on top of Niki, holding a knife): Prepare to…..huh?!

He turns around to see Matt holding a _wet/dry vacuum!_

Alter-Mohinder: Are you freaking kidding me!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Meanwhile, Mohinder is throwing things at Jessica, but she keeps deflecting them.

Jessica: Ha! Ha!

Mohinder: This is hopeless!

Niki runs up behind Jessica with a pipe! She's about to knock her in the head with it when Jessica reaches back and grabs it at the last second. She hurls Niki across the room. Matt runs over to the cages.

Matt: Hey guys! I'm here to rescue you.

Molly: Uh oh…..

Matt: Man, so many keys! So little time!

Micah: Um, Matt…..it's just a padlock. You don't need a key!

Matt: Oh right……

Jessica is fighting off both Mohinder and Niki, Matt is able to guess the padlock codes.

Micah: How did you do that!?

Matt: I rule at padlocks….What can I say?

Molly: Riiight!

Mohinder: Matt! Get Micah and Molly out of here!

Matt and everyone else start to slowly levitate off the ground.

Alter-Nathan: No one is going anywhere.

Jessica: Hello! You can put me down, I'm one of the bad guys!

Alter-Nathan: Nah! I'm running the show here…..

Meanwhile…..

Peter: He must have made his way to the roof!

They don't get far before running into Alter-Clare.

Peter: Big deal! Is she going to Cheer us to death!

Nathan: Peter, that's not really Claire. In fact she can…..

She takes out two knives and drives them into her legs. Peter and Nathan fall to the ground in pain.

Peter: Oooh…..yeah, I forgot about her……

Nathan: Argh……we have to do something!

Peter: Don't worry! Matt has come to save us!

Nathan: That's not Matt…..oh geez…….

Alter-Matt walks up to the two brothers, lying on the ground.

Nathan: Don't let him touch you!

Peter: Please don't! I'm very ticklish!

Nathan slaps his forehead.

Alter-Matt reaches his hand out to make Peter combust on impact. Peter grabs his hand.

Nathan: GAH!

A surge of power escalates between the two of them.

Nathan: Pete, what did you do?!

Peter: I got it! Just get to Fox!

Nathan manages to get enough strength to fly forward, he slams Alt-Claire into the wall, then proceeds up the stairs. Outside….

Nathan: Okay, Fox! Show yourself!

Fox runs up and injects something into Nathan's neck.

Nathan: AHH! What the hell was that?

Fox: A serum that temporarily disables your powers….

Nathan: When did you get that?!

Fox: Oh, you know…..

The writers spin the Plot Twist Wheel again…..

Nathan: Stupid wheel……

Fox pulls out a gun, Peter runs out of the building and tackles Fox. They both go over the edge.

Nathan: AHH!

Nathan runs over and sees Peter and Fox hanging by a pole sticking out of the side of the building.

Nathan: Peter! Your hand!

Peter: I can't! You'll blow up!

Nathan: Oh yeah….

Peter: Well, I might die….but so will you, Fox! The jig is up!

Fox: This isn't the end….

Peter: What?

Fox: You think you have won……but….

Nathan: Let me guess…it's only the beginning….

Fox: You got it……

Fox reaches in his pocket and pulls out a detonator.

Fox: Hope you can get out of this one….

He presses the button and the building starts to shake.

Nathan: Not good!

Peter: Can't you fly us out of here?

Nathan: Not now!

Peter: Oh…..

Fox: Have fun!

Fox lets go of the pole and plummets to his death below.

Peter: What?! Why did he do that for?! We could've had a big epic battle behind closed doors!

Nathan: Peter! Hold on, I have an idea!

Peter: Nathan! Where are you going?!......Nathan!........Nathan, _don't go chasing waterfalls! Just stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to!_

Nathan: WHAT?!

Peter: Heed my advice, brother!

Nathan: What the hell does that mean?

Peter: I don't know!!!

The pole breaks off, Peter begins to fall, Nathan dives over the edge after him.

Inside, the building is crumbling.

Niki: What are we going to do!? We can't make it out in time!

Matt: I got it! Everyone, gather around me!

Niki: Why?

Matt: Just do it! If you want to live!

Niki: Okay…..but if we die I'm going to be ever so pissed!

They gather around Matt, who scrunches his face tightly before _teleporting the entire group out of the building_. Outside….

Matt: It worked!

Niki: HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?!

Matt: Isn't it obvious?

Niki shoots a look at Mohinder, who shrugs.

Niki: Explain yourself!

Matt: Well, remember when I got sent to Africa and met that crazy guy who asked me if I knew Britney Spears and there was also that turtle?

Niki: UHH……

She shoots a look at Mohinder, who shrugs.

Niki: Sure!

Matt: Well, thanks to some intense training by my mentor, I was able to learn Issac's ability to predict the future via drawing!

Niki: Which you haven't used at all up to this point……so what does that have to do with teleporting?

Matt: I….must have gotten Hiro's ability as well?

Niki: Well that excuse blows…..but it did save our skins……so, good job Parkman!

Matt: Thanks……_and thank you Wheel Of Plot Twists!_

Niki: _WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?_

Matt: Nothing!

They walk away from the building as it collapses into a giant rubble pile of rubble.

Mohinder: I wonder if Peter and Nathan made it out okay?

Niki: I hope Fox is dead….along with those stupid Alternative versions of us. I'm so freaking sick of them.

Matt: Something tells me that everything is gonna be allright…..

Mohinder: Where's Molly?

Matt: Uh oh….

Niki: She's still _IN THE BUILDING!?_

Matt: No worries……nothing a little '_time travel' _can fix!

Matt teleports out of there…..

Niki: Uh….now what?

Mohinder: I hope he ends up in a _Feudal Japan_ plot….that'll teach him a lesson……

Niki: We really don't need to sit through another one of those again……

The gang sits there waiting for Matt's return……..

_End of Volume Four_……..

_Volume Five: Bloodlines_

Peter wakes up in a cold sweat, unaware of his surroundings….

Peter: Oh whew! It was all a dream……The Prescott Mansion…..Thomas Fox…..The Alternatives……The Remnant experiments……it was all a dream……

Sylar: _Hey! Did you hide my bedpan!?_

Peter: Oh, I did…I got a little bored and…_SYLAR?!?!_

Sylar: Yes, Peter it's me! You keep acting surprised, pass out, hit your head on the bed rail, and wake up again. This is the fifth time you found out I was here!

Peter: What is going on here?!

Sylar: I'm sick, you're injured…..looks like we're roomies for a while. Don't worry, we're in good hands….

_Nurse Claire_ walks in.

Sylar: Oh nurse! More _RC Cola please!_

Peter: Claire?! What is going on around…..wait….._you have RC Cola_….?

Claire: ………-sigh-……….Seriously?

_The next volume starts soon (I hope)._


	9. The Cut

The Heroes Parody Project-

Claire: Heroes is copyright of NBC and it's creator Tim Kring (he created Heroes, NOT NBC, we all know NBC was created by the Peacock). All characters, powers, and everything else belongs to them. Any similarities from any actual people, living or dead is completely coincidental.

Claire answers her ringing cell phone.

Claire: Yeah?

Cindy (at the cheerleader tryouts): Claire! Where are you? The tryouts are about to start!

Claire: I'm doing the opening monologue, Cindy! Don't worry, my stand in will work out just fine…..

Peter walks out in the field in a cheerleading outfit.

Peter (on a megaphone): Allright, ladies! It's Pyramid time! Let's hustle!................Uh oh, _an open vent!_

_SWOOOOSH!_

Girls: AHHHHHH!!!!!!

-_Volume 5: Bloodlines-_

Elle is walking down the hall in the Bennet house, whistling, wearing a white coat, and an eye patch. She heads off to the side in a small room. Meanwhile down the hall, in Claire's room, we see Sylar lying in bed unconscious. We split screen over back to Elle, who is putting on some latex gloves and some stockings. She buttons her uniform, puts on her shoes, and fills a syringe with a mysterious fluid. Elle holds up and tests the syringe before putting it on a tray. After putting on her nurses' cap, she exits the room, making her way down the hall to Claire's room where Sylar is unconscious. She stands in front of the doorway….

_Elle Bishop  
member  
Deadly Viper Assassination Squad_

_Codename: Cheeky McHotpants_…

Elle: What the hell kind of name is that!?

Elle walks in and is ready to inject the syringe in Sylar. But her phone rings.

Elle (on the phone): What do you want?!

Noah (sitting in a chair grasping a Hatori Hanzo sword): Elle! What are you doing?

Elle: Nothing!

Noah: You're about to kill off Sylar, weren't you?

Elle: Maybe….

Noah: You idiot! He was poisoned on our property and now he has a cavalcade of lawyers on his side! We have to tend to his every whim or we're going to owe him tons of money.

Elle: You said '_our'_?! Are you saying I can live here now?

Noah: Ugh…..I suppose until you find your own place. But there are no rooms available so you'll have to sleep outside.

Elle: Don't worry, I have been….it's been rough though….

---

Elle walks outside and gets on top of a doghouse, _which turns into a fighter airplane controlled by Snoopy_.

Elle: UGH! You're after The Red Baron again!? Just drop me off at Woodstock's.

Elle is trying to sleep in Woodstock's nest.

Woodstock: l l l l l l l l ll l l l l l l !!!!!

Elle: I…..don't know what any of that means…..

---

Elle: Oh, roommates….

Noah: Leave him alone for now. We'll find a loophole in his lawsuit or something and then we can deal with him.

Elle: Fine!

Sylar: Heh, heh….that's right, Elle! You have to do whatever I say….

Elle: You may have us in a corner, Sylar. But…(she backs away)….for every waking minute I will be watching and waiting….

She throws down a smoke bomb to escape. (POOF!)

Elle: -cough- -cough-…-HACK!-…..

Downstairs, Peter is eating breakfast with Claire.

Peter: So, um……

Claire: Yeah?

Peter: Sylar?

Claire: Oh, apparently the other day he came in to kill us and then we all got held hostage by Rachel Ray for one episode and Sylar ate her food which was made of Play-Dough and it made him sick…

Peter: That's ridiculous…..Play-Dough is non-toxic! I eat it all the time!

Claire: I wouldn't tell that to other people..

Peter: Are you kidding? It's my second job!

-TV Commercial-

Peter is washing a car. He gets on top of the hood and takes a bite of a giant hamburger (made of play-dough). Followed by several shots of him spraying a water hose around, and rubbing the burger all over himself.

Claire: That's extremely disturbing….

Peter: Yes….

Claire: Anyway, Sylar got sick and was able to get some lawyers to win him a suit against us saying we have to take care of him until he gets better or he gets _Eleventy Billion Dollars_…..

Peter: Harsh…..

Claire: And from what Nathan has told me, you guys were fighting last Volume's big bad. You fell over the edge, Nathan was able to fly again after having his powers disabled for a short time and save you regardless that you hit a few buildings on the way down, and he brought you here instead of a real hospital which makes no sense!

Peter: ….and Fox?

Claire: He fell a lot farther than you and now he's dead.

Peter: Finally! It only took 3 volumes…..(Rolls eyes)…….So where is Nathan?

Claire: He went to go run an errand I think…..

Peter: Ah….so now you are the nurse here, huh?

Claire: Yeah, but fortunately, since Elle is 'living here', I can use her for Nurse-ly duties…because I don't care what anyone says, I am not taking care of Sylar. He's a serial killer, and a psychopath……I am putting my foot down right now!!!

Elle: Claire, it's your shift!

Claire: Gotta go…..(She grabs her supplies and heads off).

Outside of the Bennet house, stands a mysterious man (NOT Thomas Fox….he's dead)…..holding a piece of paper with the house address….and below it:

_CHAPTER NINE: THE CUT_

---_Earth, Sun, Moon, Eclipse, Heroes…---_

_Niki, Matt, Mohinder  
Mohinder's Apartment  
Don't step on the floor! I just mopped it!....Arrgh…Now I have to start ALL over…_

Niki: ……-sigh-……..

Matt: ………-sigh-…….

Mohinder: ……..

Niki: …..ho hum…….

Matt: …..hmmm…..hmm….

Mohinder: What are you two doing?

Niki: I don't know….kinda bored…..

Matt: Yeah….

Mohinder rolls his eyes and makes his way into the other room where Micah and Molly are reading.

Mohinder: Hello children, doing some studying I see…..

Micah: Yeah.

Mohinder: Well, if you guys get some free time we can do something. After that whole mess last Volume I'm taking a bit of a sabbatical from my scientific duties. What would you guys like to do today?

Molly: You can help us work on our science project….

Mohinder: I'd love to!

_Peter, Claire, and Friends!  
The Bennet Home  
Looks like their neighbors, The Griswolds, are putting up their Christmas Lights again…you know it's not going to work!_

There is a knock at the door, Elle answers it.

Elle: Hello?

Man: Hi…..I need to speak with Noah Bennet….it's a matter of life and death!

Elle: Of course it is….._MR. B! Some weirdo wants to see you_!......Wait….are you an assassin?

Man: No!

Elle: Swell…..(Turning back to yell) _And he's not trying to kill you!_

Upstairs, Noah and Sandra are in the middle of a very important surgical procedure.

Noah: Whew, we almost removed the foreign obstruction…..

Sandra: Hurry doctor! We're about to lose the patient!

Noah: I almost got it!

Sandra pats a rag on Noah's forehead……

Noah: Okay….slowly…..removing the obstruction…..I did it! _And I didn't even touch the sides!_

We cut to Noah and Sandra playing _Operation…On top of Sylar_….

Sylar (With a pillow over his face): _DO YOU TWO MIND?!_ Trying to sleep here…..

Elle drags in the mysterious man by his legs.

Noah: Who is that?

Elle: He was just at the door and then he collapsed…..Why do people keep coming here when we're not _a real hospital!_?

Noah walks over to the man…..and is in shock.

Noah: This…..this cannot be.

Noah leaves the room in a panic.

Sandra: I guess we'll have to do surgery on him ourselves, Nurse Elle.

Elle: The equipment is ready!

Elle and Sandra get on top of the mysterious man and start playing _Hungy, Hungry, Hippos!_

Sylar: I don't think I can take much more of this.

_Matt and Niki  
Little China Chinese Cuisine  
Where if your fortune cookie is blank, it means you have no future!_...._Wait, that's bad…_

Niki: Always wanted to come down here.

Matt: Yeah, they just opened it up a few weeks ago.

Niki: I can't believe we have absolutely nothing to do. There are no villains to go after, the kids have not been kidnapped for once. Maybe we can just…..take a break I guess.

A waitress comes to their table.

Waitress: Refill, sir?

Matt (looking at his glass): Nah, I'm good. Got plenty of soda here….

Waitress: No sir, you're rice….

Matt: My…..rice?

Waitress: Would you like a refill on your rice?

Matt: You….do free refills……on rice?

Niki: It's an all you can eat restaurant, Matt! It's not a big deal!

Waitress: Yes…..I give you refill.

Matt: The rice I'm eating?

Niki: She said yes, dammit!

Matt sighs and gets starry eyed.

Niki: What the hell's your problem?

Matt: I'd….never imagined…..that this moment…..I would realize….._That dreams do come true_!

Niki: Oh brother (rolls eyes)……

Back at the Bennet Home.

Claire begrudgingly saunters back into the room. Sylar is grinning sheepishly. Peter is minding his own business, while wearing a nightgown that reads: _World's Greatest Granny_!

Peter: Psst! Claire! Over here! It's me! Peter! HEY! Over here…..right here! Claire!

Claire: What?

Peter: Just saying Hi!

Claire: Yeeeah…..

Sylar: Well, you know what time it is, Claire?

Claire: Time for me to move on to a new show?......I can't wait until my _Buffy The Vampire Slayer gig takes off!_

---

Claire: Okay, Scooby Gang! What's the 411?!

Willow: Apparently, the _Hellmouth_ is going to open….right here in the Sunnydale High School library. I'll get started on making a spell!

Xander: This is going to be so much _fun_! I can't wait! _Another random sarcastic observation!_

Claire: Well, all I know is that we'll be ready! Nothing will catch us off guard.

Giles: Buffy, I wanted to talk to you….

Claire: AHHHH!

Claire plunges a stake in Giles.

Willow: Buffy!? _You just dusted Giles! _What the hell did you do that for?!

Claire: OOPS! _Butterfingers!_

---

Claire: Yeah….just like that…..

Sylar: I meant it's _sponge bath time!_

Claire: HAHAHAHAH! For a moment I thought you….said….

Sylar: (Grinning)

Claire: Sponge….bath…..

Sylar: (Still grinning)

Claire: Well, all I have to say to that is _EWWW!_ Why the hell would I do that!?

Sylar: We're your patients!

Claire: NO! You _are a deranged killer_…..and that is Peter! We're like related and stuff and….Gross!

A sponge hops out of the bucket.

_Spongebob Squarepants_: Come on, Claire! It'll be fun! Do you know what '_fun'_ is? Let me show you. (Singing) _'F' is for friends who do stuff together, 'U' is for you and me…_

Claire: _SHUT THE HELL UP!!!_

Sylar and Peter exchange nervous looks.

Down the hall, Elle and Sandra come across Noah who is searching through some books.

Sandra: Is everything allright, Noah?

Noah: Allright?......No, Sandra. Nothing is allright……That man……I don't know how he is here!

Elle: Then ask him! Why is everybody freaking out?

Noah: Freaking out? _Freaking Out!?_ _I'll show you 'freaking out'!!!_

Elle: _You already are!_ _AHHH!_ Don't eat me, _I'm too cute!_

Noah: Well, take a look at this!

Noah shoves a book in Elle's face. (_SLAM!)_

Elle: OOF!

Elle looks at a picture of a 17 year old Noah covered in acne and sporting an afro:

_Most Likely To Open A 'Hot Dog On A Stick' kiosk outside a freestanding 'Hot Topic' store._

Elle: Wow! _What a hunk_!.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

Noah: _NOT THAT PICTURE, YOU DUNCE!_ The one below it!

Sandra: It's the picture of that man!

Noah: Yes….his name is _Reginald Reinhold Bennet The Third_……

Elle: Say what?!

Noah: He is my _great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather_.

Sandra: GASP!

Elle does a double take back at the picture.

Noah: Why is he here?

Sandra: Why does he look so young?

Elle: _Why is there a picture of him in your High School Yearbook?_

Noah: These are answers I'm going to find out…._after the commercial break!_

Elle: What a cheap shot! _You know we don't have those!_

_Mohinder and friends  
Mohinder and friends' apartment  
Mohinder's cable bill is through the roof due to Matt ordering a lifetime loop of 'The Muppets Take Manhattan'._

Mohinder: _YOU DID WHAT!?_

Matt: But it's the Director's Cut!! It includes the controversial scene where Miss Piggy gets held hostage!

---

Man: Is this Kermit?

Kermit: Yes it is! Where is my lovely Miss Piggy?

Man: She's right here!

Miss Piggy: Kermie! Help!

Man: Here are our terms….We want you to bring 50 thousand dollars in unmarked bills to the abandoned train yard by sunset tomorrow….

Kermit: What if I can't get the money?

Man: _Then we're making sausage!_

Kermit: NOOOOOOO!!!!

---

Matt: OOOH! I wonder what's going to happen next! Better ask for an extension on my lifetime loop!

Mohinder: UGH!

Micah: Okay, Mohinder we got that final part we needed to fix our project!

Matt: Project?

Mohinder: Yes, the children are making a _Micro-Radiation-Nano-Proton-Wave_…..or MRNPW for short….

Matt: And….I still don't know what it means….

Mohinder: It uses radiation and different chemicals, safe doses of course, to drastically reduce cooking times comparable to most microwaves and conventional ovens!

Niki: I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that, regardless it sounds extremely dangerous!

Mohinder: Oh pish posh……we expert scientists know what we are doing!

Matt: Duh, Niki! Get a clue!

Niki: Oh whatever, Parkman! _Like you know anything about science_!

Matt: Of course I was, I used to be a cop! Stupid!

Niki: What happened to that, anyway?

Mohinder: Yeah, you used to be a cop! What happened again?

Matt: Niki got me fired!

Niki: Bull! I only got you fired because you _ruined my singing career!_

Mohinder: I should probably move to another room….

---

At the _Foggy Mug Bar and Pub_…..Niki is getting ready for Karaoke Night!

Niki (singing): _I shot the sheriff! But I did not shoot the deputy!_....

Matt (kicking down the door): _AHA! A confession!_ Get her!

An army of cops barge in and tackle Niki

Matt: Go for the shins!

---

Mohinder: Yeah, I stayed in the room, why I didn't move…..

Matt and Niki bicker for ten minutes…..

Niki: Well, now I'm bored….

Matt: Me too….

Niki: Yup…..

Matt: ….._Wanna go visit Peter in the 'Hospital'_?

Niki: Oh sure, why not!?

Back at the Bennet's, Matt and Niki are walking down the hall carrying flowers and balloons. Noah, Sandra, and Elle make their way to the kitchen where the mysterious man, Reginald is sitting.

Noah: Okay, how did you get here? You cannot possibly be my relative from that long ago….

Elle: You were just going on about how he was! I swear, that man is _coo coo for Cocoa Puffs!!!_

Noah pulls a rope, sending Elle through a trap door.

Elle: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Noah: Explain yourself!

Reginald: There is a war raging in my time, I was able to leap through time to come and warn you….

Sandra: Wow! He made a _Quantum Leap through time!_....Just like on that show….What was it called, Noah? Oh, that's right….._Night Court!_

He shoots a look at Sandra, who waves.

Noah: _Note to self…build 'two' trap doors…_

Reginald: Unfortunately, I am too late…

Noah: Too late?!

Reginald: I was shot with poisonous arrows by the king's guards….so I am not long for this world…..

Reginald collapses on the floor.

Sandra: Uh….

Noah: Hmm…..We should probably do something about this….

Sandra: Um, Noah……

Noah: What?

Sandra: If cliché'd plot twists have taught me anything….is that if an older ancestor….is no longer…..you know….living…..it kinda cuts the line, dear….

Noah: The line?

Sandra: If this man at his age is killed…..he cannot….carry on the 'Family Name'…..

Noah: Oh……ooohhhhh……OH!.....oh……That's bad….

Sandra: Yes, and another thing….

She suddenly notices that Noah has disappeared.

Sandra: Hmm….

Meanwhile…..

Mohinder: Are we ready to test it.

Micah: Yup! Molly, hit the switch!

She does so….the machine starts sparking and making a loud '_Whirrrr'_ noise.

Mohinder: Is it supposed to do that?

Micah: I….don't think so…….

A loud explosion is heard, and half of the block loses power.

Mohinder: Is everyone okay?

Micah: Yeah.

Molly: Matt isn't around, so I know I'm safe.

Micah: Don't be so sure…..

The three of them walk outside and the apartment is missing half of it's wall, overlooking a city in ruins.

Mohinder: Hmm…..So we have concluded that your project does in fact _not_ cook meals in a timely manner, but it does destroy the city…..this should win first place for sure!

Mohinder steps into the living room to be confronted by _Hiro_ and _Ando_.

Mohinder: Hiro!? What are you doing here?

Hiro: Mr. Suresh! You must come with us! Something terrible has happened!

Mohinder (looking at the city in ruins): Whatever do you mean?

Hiro: Come with us, we'll explain in the car.

Mohinder, Micah, and Molly follow Hiro and Ando out of the building. They see _Angela Petrelli_ sitting in the back of the car.

Angela: Come on in, Dr. Suresh and children. We have much to discuss…

Mohinder hesitantly gets into the vehicle. Angela pours herself some champagne.

Angela: We have much to discuss, Dr. Suresh….

Mohinder: _You said that already_…..

Angela: Me, Mr. Nakamura, and his little friend…..I forgot his name….I'll just call him _Jughead_.

Ando: _IT'S ANDO!!_

Angela: That fascinating, Jughead_…_

Ando: GRR!

Angela: We went on a little trip to the past, and found out some important information.

Mohinder: …and that is?

Angela: Noah Bennet is dead…..

Mohinder: WHAT!?

Angela: Well, sort of…..the past has been changed and one of his ancestors was killed by some poisonous arrows. Which wasn't supposed to happen and because of that his family bloodline has been cut. So as of now, Noah Bennet no longer exists….and for you see, the world has been altered dramatically as a result.

Mohinder: And you want me to show you how to solve the problem…._with science_.

Angela: No.

Mohinder: GAH!?

Hiro: I don't know how it happened, Mr. Suresh. But that mechanism you were using prevented you from being….how do I put….reset through time.

Mohinder: I don't understand.

Hiro: When Mr. Bennet's ancestor was killed, Noah was never born, thus the future was changed. Everyone you know now is living very different lives, you would be two but were immune to the space-time change.

Mohinder: I don't see how that makes sense, but carry on….

Angela: As of right now….the six of us are the only people in the universe that are aware of what is going on. We must go back into the past and try to restore history to what it was.

Mohinder: Why do you need me? Or the children better yet?

Micah: It would be nice to do something without getting kidnapped for once.

Molly: I agree.

Hiro: Oh, you two can't stay. Even though you three are here, there are your _new present_ forms running about. If you were to make contact with each other, the space-time continuum couldn't handle that and the universe would be destroyed!

Mohinder: I'm pretty sure I've heard that in a movie somewhere…..

Hiro: Come with me, Mr. Suresh, I will show you the different changes that has been bestowed upon the world today….

Mohinder holds out his hand, Hiro grabs it and they disappear.

Angela: Well, until they get back…..do you kids like candy?

Micah: Sure!

Angela: Well, I do happen to have a lifetime supply of _Werther's Originals_ with your names written all over them.

Molly: Wow…..uh….that's so nice….

Micah: Bleh…

Hiro and Mohinder stop by a beautiful house. They see Peter trimming the garden….

Mohinder: Is that Peter…?

Hiro: Yes….and look who is inside….

He sees Elle cooking a pot roast.

Mohinder: Elle…..

Hiro: His wife.

Mohinder: WIFE?!

Hiro: Let's continue…

-Teleport-

They arrive in a random rundown kitchen. Nathan is passed out on the couch, Claire is reading a book.

Hiro: Since Noah was not present when my father presented Claire, he just gave him back to her biological father, Nathan.

Mohinder: Yeesh….

-Teleport-

Mohinder: Where are we now?

Hiro: We see a peaceful farm, ran by Niki and her boyfriend, The Haitian.

Mohinder: Hmm….I never thought about them two hooking up…..

Hiro: Focus!......But it's a little more than that…..

Niki walks onto the fields and is petting one of the animals.

Mohinder: Those animals look like _Beanie Babies_.

Hiro: They are……

Mohinder: _She's raising a Beanie Baby farm?!_ Has she gone mad?!

Hiro: Yes….._D.L_ left her for a Vegas Stripper, and she went insane…..

Mohinder: And let me guess….Sylar is a good guy.

Hiro: Well, since it has been known that if it weren't for Noah and Elle, Sylar wouldn't have become a deranged killer. Since the two of them kinda _egged him on_, so to speak.

Mohinder: Something like that…..(rolls eyes)…..what does he do?

Hiro: He owns the rival farm across from Niki where he raises _Cabbage Patch Kids_.

Mohinder: I think I've seen enough….let's just fix the past because the present now is just stupid……

Hiro: I want to show you one more thing…..

Hiro picks up a flyer and hands it to him. It shows Matt Parkman standing in front of many different flags.

Mohinder: _Matt Parkman is The President Of Earth!?!?!_

Hiro: I'm afraid so….

Mohinder: That's it! We're leaving! Right Now!!

He grabs Hiro's arm.

Hiro: AHH! Don't rip it off, yeesh!

They teleport out of there as we see Niki cradling her Beanie Baby in the middle of a field, _Sylar _glaring at her from the adjacent building. Newlyweds Peter and Elle dancing in their kitchen. Nathan snoring on the couch, and Matt signing a new bill in crayon.

Back in the car….

Angela: What did you think?

Mohinder: This is almost as bad as those pointless _Remnant Experiments_ in the last volume!

Angela: I wouldn't know. Since none of you bothered to call me….(To Molly) _especially you!_

Molly: Lady, I hardly know you!

Angela: Eat some more _Werther's Originals!_

Molly: No! They're gross!

Mohinder: I mean, I haven't seen such a bad case of identity crises ever since Matt thought he was _Little Orphan Annie_!

---

Matt (sporting an orange poofy wig), jumps on Mohinder's lap.

Matt: _I love you, Daddy Warbucks!_

Niki: Uhhh…..

Mohinder: Matt….Niki and I have been talking…and we think you really need to consider getting professional help…..perhaps visiting a psychiatrist….

Matt: _Leapin' Lizards!_

---

Angela: I didn't need to see that….

Mohinder: So, what do we need to do now?

Hiro: What else?.....We're going forward…._to the past_.

Angela: ….

Mohinder: …..

Ando: ….

Hiro: You know what I mean….

He starts the car as it drives off.

_To Be Continued_….


	10. Heirheads

-The Heroes Parody Project-

Nathan: _Heroes_ is copyright _NBC _and it's creator _Tim Kring_. All characters, powers, locations, and whatever belongs to them. Any similarities from any actual persons living or dead is completely coincidental. Am I done now?

Peter: No, now you have to say it backwards. It's in your contract….

Nathan: Uh…._coincidental completely is dead or living persons actual_…..wait…why do I have to do that?

Peter: It amuses me….

Nathan: I'm outta here….(Walks out the door)

Peter: Wait! _You haven't started the 'previouslies' yet!_

Nathan (sticking his head back into the door): _Previously on Heroes_……

Thomas Fox and Peter fall to their deaths….well, just Fox.

Peter (at the Bennet House): What happened?

Claire: Nathan dropped you off and went to go run some errands. You managed to survive the fall.

Sylar eats some of Rachel Ray's food which was made of Play-Dough…he collapses.

Peter: And what about that?

Claire: I now have to take care of him against my will or he'll sue for damages. Which is stupid.

Elle (opening the door): Who are you?

Man: I need to see Noah Bennet.

The man collapses on the ground.

Noah: That man is my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather….

Elle: Oookay….

Sandra: Looks like he's dead…..

Noah is nowhere to be found.

Sandra: Oh, that's not good…..

Matt and Niki are sitting on the couch bored…..well, that's about it for them.

Niki: HEY! We did more than that!

Mohinder: You kids need help with anything?

Micah: We're making a microwave that can cook any meal in seconds!

Mohinder: Sounds impossible! Of course I'll help!

A loud explosion is heard, Mohinder walks into the living room to find half of the apartment gone.

Mohinder: Uhh….

Hiro shows up.

Mohinder: What in _Sam's Choice_ is going on around here!?

Angela: Noah Bennet is dead…..history was altered and his ancestor was killed by a barrage of poisonous arrows. We have to go back and change history to the way it was….or the current present….will be permanent.

Mohinder: Hmm……

Hiro: And we're off!

The car speeds away.

---

_Hiro, Ando and Co.  
Japan, 1659  
You want Historical Inaccuracies, we got em'!_

Hiro, Ando, Mohinder, Angela and the kids are walking through an ancient village.

Mohinder: Where are we?

Hiro: This is during the great war of 1659….

Mohinder: _Great War Of 1659_?.....Seriously?…..was that even a real war?

Hiro: Of course it was!

Mohinder: If you say so….

Hiro: Let's stay at this inn, we'll discuss our strategy there.

Later, everyone is packed up in their room.

Mohinder: So, explain to me again what we're doing.

Hiro: Mr. Bennet's great, great, great….how ever many greats…grandfather…is going to be shot with poisonous arrows at exactly 4:57pm. We must locate him and prevent him from going to the castle….He lives, History is restored to proper form…..and we can finally get on with our lives…

Ando: We were hoping Molly was able to get her power of 'finding people' back….

Molly: I've been working on it…..so far I can _only locate people within my vision range_.

Hiro: ……

Mohinder: ……

Ando: …..Man, some people get the best powers……

Hiro: _ANYWAY_……so that's the plan.

Mohinder: So what…..we find Reginald and you freeze time before the arrows hit?

Hiro: Something to that effect….

Mohinder: Okay, if the past wasn't supposed to play out like that….how did this all happen?

Hiro: I don't know…..I fear we may have another time traveler on our hands.

Mohinder: Well the only person who could do that would be Peter….like that time he altered history to where everything in the world was made out of _Fruit By The Foot_…

---

Peter teleports back to the present….all in the world was made of gummy goodness!

Peter: ….No words…….This is…..my dream…..

Niki walks up, her dress is also made of Fruit by the Foot.

Niki: What is up with these stupid clothes?! They're all sticky and gross!

Peter: We're living…..in paradise, Claire.

Niki: Claire!? Hello! I'm Niki, standing right here in front of you!

Peter: I have not a moment to waste!

Peter grabs a strand of FBTF and starts inhaling it.

Niki: _HEY! _Stop eating my dress, stupid!

Peter runs off with candy still in his mouth.

Niki: AHHH! _You're unraveling it!!_

---

Hiro: Uh….no, I don't think it was him.

Mohinder: So what do you have there?

Hiro: Blueprints to the castle!

Mohinder: How did you get those?!

Hiro: That's not important…..Anyway, lets get some sleep and we'll put our plan into motion this afternoon.

He spots Angela passed out on the bed.

Hiro: Well, Mrs. Petrelli got a head start…..

Ando is asleep on the floor.

Hiro: Uh……so did….Ando?

Hiro suddenly realizes that the room is filling with a gaseous substance.

Hiro: Uh oh……

Hiro falls to the ground. He uses his last ounce of strength to grab a piece of paper and pencil.

Hiro: Must…..write……..help………Oh man, there's something stupid written all over this:

_CHAPTER TEN: HEIRHEADS_

Hiro: Ugh…..(Passes out).

A group of guards storm the room and start taking away the heroes one by one….

---The Eclipse….wait….there's not one today?....That's okay, we'll wait for the next one……..waiting……waiting…..…..oh, forget it…just run the stock footage.—

---_As the moon passes between the Earth and Sun, it creates the Eclipse, as well as the title card…Heroes---_

Mohinder opens his eyes, realizing he is in….

Mohinder: Prison!? Oh that's just great!.....Hiro! Wake up!

Hiro (waking up): …aww….._but mom, I don't wanna move…all my friends go to this school_…..

Mohinder: Uh…..Okay…..I guess I'm the only one up……

Mohinder looks around and spots something under one of the prison beds. He grabs the frame and drags the bed a couple of feet and notices a hole in the wall.

Mohinder: An escape tunnel!?......

Mohinder grabs a conveniently placed spoon and crawls into the tunnel. He reaches a dead end.

Mohinder: Well, better start digging.

He takes the spoon and starts to tunnel with way further and further….finally, he reaches the surface.

Mohinder: Freedom!.....Okay, now to get help.

Back in the Prison, Hiro wakes up.

Hiro: Huh…..where did Dr. Suresh go?

Meanwhile, Mohinder was….

Hiro: Well, I guess that's the only line I get….

Mohinder stumbles upon a tent.

Mohinder: Helloooo? Anyone here?.......

He snoops around, picking up different things and looking at them. He comes across a book.

Mohinder: _The Journal of Dr. Reginald Reinhold Bennet The Third_…..This thing is as big as a phone book! Let's see……

He looks at sketches of a machine of some sort.

Mohinder: Looks like he's building a time machine……..huh?!.....This machine looks just like the one Micah was building for his science project!.....According to this, you can leap through time jumping from one machine to the other. So someone from a different time has to build an exact replica of this machine…..well, that sounds a little far fetched….

Mohinder thinks a second.

Mohinder: In fact, if that time machine that Micah built is still in our time, I can go back to the present and get help, since I'm sure people still have abilities……of course I could've just waited for Hiro to wake up….oh well, no point in taking the easy route now……and I really need to stop talking to myself…..

Mohinder looks through the book and turns on some switches. Some lights start flashing as the machine makes a loud buzzing noise….

Mohinder: Hmm….I might have pressed the wrong button.

Mohinder disappears in a bright light, not too long before Reginald walks in.

Reginald: Did someone use my machine?!....I swear…..

(Meanwhile, back in the present)

In the serine neighborhood of _PleasantView_, we see newlyweds _Peter Petrelli and his wife, Elle_, sitting down watching tv.

Elle: Not to break character or anything, _but is this 'The Mohinder Show' now?!_ Why the hell is he getting all the screen time!?

Peter: Hello, wife! Did you have a nice day?

Elle: I sure did, darling! I brought you your paper….

Peter: Wow, thanks! Okay….comics….comics……Hey, _Cathy_ can finally wear her swimsuit. Oh no!....Don't answer the door, Cathy! It's your mother….._You know she's just going to harp on you for not finding a man!_

Elle: ……Oh brother……..anyway, darling I wanted to talk to you.

Peter: One second, darling……..oooh…._Dagwood just forgot Blondie's birthday_…..oh snap! _It has hit the fan._

Elle: _ENOUGH WITH THE COMICS!!!_

She rips the paper out of his hand and tosses it to the side.

Elle: I know you work hard at the night club with your band….

Peter: Yes……._Peter and The Pussycats_……

Elle: _That's not the name of your band…_

Peter: IT'S NOT!?

Elle: Whatever……Anyway, so I was hoping that maybe there's a chance you could use some extra help at the club…..you know.

Peter: ……

Elle: Like….a singer, perhaps…..

Peter: Sweet!.......Do you know someone?!

Elle: I mean me, you dolt!

Peter: _You?!_.....HA! HA! HA! HA!.....I'm sorry…..I meant to say……_The position has been filled_.

Elle: Come on!

Peter: I don't know, Elle…..I'm going to be honest….you're not very….good….at that sort of thing…….Remember when we were in that dance contest?

---

Elle is sitting down with her parents. Peter runs over to them.

Peter: _Nobody puts Baby in the corner_!

He grabs her hand and drags her on stage.

Bob: _What the hell is he talking about_?!

Peter and Elle are standing across from each other. She starts running toward him as he gets ready to lift her in the air…..but….

Peter: _OOH! A penny!_

Peter bends down as Elle flops over his body and crashes into the orchestra below the stage. (CRAAAAASH!)

---

Elle: THAT WAS SO YOUR FAULT!

Peter: Nonetheless…..The answer is no.

Elle: But Peter!

Peter: I'm sorry, I need someone good!....I mean….._The position has been filled_….

Elle (running away): WAAAAAAAHH!!!!......Oh, dinner's ready. I made some pot roast.

Peter: Yay! I love pot roast!

Elle: Where was I?…..oh, right……_WAAAAH! _(runs out)

Later….

Elle (talking to her friend): _Okay Ethel_, we need an elaborate scheme to make Peter put me in the show.

Ethel: I don't know, Elle. You know how this ends. We plan a scheme, he finds out and plans a scheme, we find out that he knows about _our scheme_ and we find a bigger scheme, until it all blows up in our faces and I'm just not in the mood today.

Elle: Then what do you suggest?

Ethel: I guess you could plan something big. Something so big he'll have to let you in the show!

Elle: Hmm……..I know! _Let's kill him!_

Ethel: Uh…_NO!_......Lower, dear…..

Elle: Wax his ankles?

Ethel: Uh…..a little more extreme than…wait…..._wax his ankles?_

Elle: It's the only part that has hair and he doesn't care for it.

Ethel: I didn't need to know that……anyway….aim higher…..

Elle: ….hmm…….I got it! I'll get some schmuck to convince Peter for me!

Ethel: There you go, _now get out of my house_…..

Elle is walking back to her house when she spots Mohinder snooping around her garden

Elle: Perfect…..

Mohinder: Elle! It's me….Mohinder….

Elle: Whatever, I need your help.

Mohinder: I think my problem is worse than yours.

Elle: As if!.....I need you to help me get into the big show tonight….but I need you to trick my husband….

Mohinder: Hmm…..Hiro showed me all this before…..Peter, right?

Elle: Right!....How did you know that?…..Are you a witch?

Mohinder: Ugh! No……..I need to speak to Peter…..

Elle: Yes! Okay, here's what we'll do…….I'll fake an illness, and you will be my doctor. My only cure will be to sing and dance in Peter's show. Help me…..and I will help you…..got it?

Mohinder: Whatever……

Elle: Okay, I'm going to go rehearse….be at my house in 20 minutes…..

Elle runs away…..

Mohinder: Man…..

Peter slowly rises from a nearby bush.

Peter: HEY!

Mohinder: EEEEK!

Peter: I heard the entire thing! So……Elle thinks she can trick me, huh?......Well, we'll see about that……Okay, here's what I want you to do….Mohinder, was it?

Mohinder: Uh….

Peter: You are going to tell her _she has an actual illness_……Now, take this jar of avocado dip to rub on her face and break into my house in 1 hour….

Mohinder spots Elle staring at them through the window….

Mohinder: Oh forget it! You two are no help at all!

Mohinder storms away…….

Back in Prison….

Ando crawls back into the prison from the hole in the wall.

Hiro: What happened?

Ando: The tunnel collapsed.

Hiro: Well, that's just great……

Ando: Can't you just teleport out of here?

Hiro: No, these walls must be laced with _opium_…..the smell of that prevents me from using my powers!

Ando: Wow…..that's pretty stupid……

Hiro: I can't control my weaknesses!

Ando: But that's…..forget it.

Angela finally wakes up.

Hiro: Oh yeah, I forgot she was here!

Angela: I just had a dream…..

She walks up to Hiro.

Angela: You…..I saw you in my dream…..

Hiro: Me?

Angela: You will be faced with a difficult choice in the future…..I hope for our sake you choose the right decision…

Hiro: What does that supposed to mean?!

Angela: Well, I'm famished. I'm going to the cafeteria….

She walks over and opens the gate, and proceeds down the hall.

Hiro: Please tell me I did not just see that…..

Meanwhile, Mohinder is walking through a field, he spots the log cabin that Niki lives in.

Mohinder: If I recall, Niki has completely lost her mind…..I'll see if she can help.

Mohinder goes up to the house and knocks on the door. He spots _Sylar_ looking at him through binoculars at the adjacent farm.

Mohinder: Huh?

Sylar slowly lowers into hiding.

Mohinder: Whatever.

Niki barely opens the door.

Niki: Who is it?

Mohinder: Hello, Niki! It's me, Mohinder! You know…..me, you and Matt always seem to get stuck in these worthless plotlines together! I wish they would change it up a bit. I never get a chance to work with Claire….

---

Mohinder: Okay….Claire….._do it again_.

Claire: Oh, Come on!

Mohinder: Please!....It's for science!

Claire grabs some scissors and holds it in front of her big toe. She clamps them together as her toe pops off into the air.

Mohinder: Amazing!

Claire (after the toe grows back): Can I leave now?

Mohinder: Not yet……I need to log this vital information. I must say this is absolutely……_extraordinary_……Wow, haven't used that one in a while!

Claire: Ugh….

Mohinder: Okay…..one more time.

Claire snaps off her toe again, it flies into the air and hits the ground. Niki walks in….

Niki: _Where the hell did all these dismembered toes come from!?_

---

Niki: I don't know no Mohinder…..

Mohinder: _Don't know no?_ Oh Niki….your grammar pains me so…..

Niki: I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Mohinder: _I haven't been inside yet!_

Niki: Oh, sorry…..please come in and make yourself at home.

Mohinder steps in.

Niki: I think it would be best if you'd leave…..

Mohinder: Wow, how I didn't see that coming…..

The door slams.

Niki (opening a window): And don't come back now, ya hear?

She starts chucking _Beanie Babies_ at him.

Mohinder: This is nuts!

Later, Sylar opens the door to Mohinder.

Mohinder: Hello friend, may I……I can't believe I'm saying this…..ask for your help?

Sylar: …..I suppose. Go ahead and ask.

Mohinder: Uh…..Can I……get some help?

Sylar: ……..No.

Mohinder: No?! Why not?

Sylar: I'm much too busy…..can't you see that?

Mohinder: I guess it completely passed me.

Sylar: But you can come in…..if you're hungry you may eat the _walls_.

Mohinder: Huh?!

Sylar: I built this house myself…..it's made _entirely of chocolate_.

Mohinder: Uh huh……..(this guy is as nuts as Niki).

Sylar: I heard that!

Mohinder: You can read minds?

Sylar: No, I'm just…..an excellent guesser.

Mohinder: Wow, I have to get this 'past thing' worked out a.s.a.p……

Sylar: So, you've come to help me.

Mohinder: Other way around, champ….I need your help…..but I really don't see how.

Sylar: I'm looking for _Waldo_…..He's missing.

Mohinder: I hope you're not talking about…..

Sylar: These are the books that give hints on his location……if you help me…….I will thank you……then you may go…..

Mohinder: I don't know what to say to that.

Sylar: You must help me find Waldo…….I'll get my kit. Wait here…….

Sylar runs upstairs…..A man runs up to Mohinder.

Mohinder: What the?!

Waldo: You have to help me! That man is keeping me prisoner and making me look like this! I'm just the air conditioner repair guy!......I mean seriously, _who wears a red and white striped sweater and cap_ everywhere….to the Beach no less!?

Mohinder: Well, you see I…..

Mohinder hops up and runs out the door, not looking back.

Meanwhile, back in Prison….

Hiro: I….

Later, Mohinder was….

Hiro: _I hate it when they do that!_

Mohinder was continuing to walk until he finally reaches civilization…..upon not having any food or water for minutes,....he passes out on the ground….through his blurred vision he notices a hand reaching toward him and dragging him along the way. Several hours later, he wakes up in someone's bed.

Mohinder: What the?! Where am I?

In walks _Claire_…..but…..

Mohinder: Claire!? You look….different…….

We see Claire, whose hair is jet black, her skin slightly pale, and sporting dark red lipstick……and two tattoo's on her arms. One reading: _Life Sucks_, and the other reading: _Marilyn Manson RULZ_.

Mohinder: _Good Gravy, you've gone Goth?!_.......It's actually not a bad look for you…..

Claire: Silence, Mortal…..

Mohinder: Oh, this is going to be _fun_!

Claire: I found you and took you into my lair…..but now you must fear me…..for I….._am a Vampire!_

She gets ready to bite Mohinder when_ her plastic fangs fall out of her mouth_.

Mohinder: …………

Claire: ………

Mohinder: ……uh……

Claire: ….._that's not supposed to happen._

Mohinder: I kinda figured.

Claire: Well, they made it look so easy on _Twilight!_

Mohinder: I wouldn't know…..

Claire: Well, since I'm not going to kill you, I guess I can make you dinner.

Claire and Mohinder walk into the kitchen, Nathan is lying on the couch covered in Dorito crumbs…..

Claire: DAD! Order us a pizza!

Nathan: Sure, let me call….them…..(he dials)

Claire: Dad….that's the remote! Don't you know anything?! UGH! You're totally embarrassing me!

Nathan (talking on the remote): Hello?!......Luigi?......I need a pizza…..sure, a round one would be nice…..

Claire: DAAAD!?! You're so worthless!.....I'm going to go listen to my music! UGH! _Teen Angst!_!!

Claire charges upstairs…..

Mohinder: I guess I get no dinner……

Nathan (in a drunken stupor): HEY!....I know you…..

Mohinder: Well, I am the brilliant scientist _Dr. Mohinder Suresh_, you may have heard of my work…….

---

Mohinder: And in this week's episode of _Reading Rainbow_, I'm going to tell you about a wonderful story, '_The Little Boy who owned a castle'_.

Mohinder pulls out a book.

Mohinder: Once upon a time there was this little boy who lived in a castle, it was one hundred stories tall!

He opens the pop-up book, a castle tower flies up and pokes his eye out.

Mohinder: AHHHHH!

---

Mohinder: _That wasn't the flashback I wanted!!_

Nathan: Don't you….work with that president guy?

Mohinder: Who, Matt?!......_The President of Earth!?!_......Me, working for Matt….don't make me laugh…..

Nathan gets serious looking.

Nathan: So you're……not working with the president.

Mohinder: Uh….no….

Nathan hops up and dusts off his Dorito crumbs….

Nathan: Come with me then…..we need to talk.

Mohinder: Uh….What?!

Back in Prison…..

Hiro, Ando, Micah and Molly are watching Angela chow down on a piece of cake.

Angela: _A delicious piece of Red Velvet cake, that is!_

Hiro: You could have gotten us something!

Angela: You didn't ask……mmmm…….this cake is heaven!

Hiro: Well, apparently we _WEREN'T allowed to leave our cell_ and now it's locked for good. I hope you're happy!

Angela: I will be in 4 more bites!....Mmm…..Mmmmm……Mmm Mm Mm…… ….done!.....oh wait….now I'm sad…..

Hiro: This is pointless, why can't I get better people to work with…..hmm…I never get a chance to work with Claire….

---

Claire: Hiro! The world is in trouble! We must save it.

Hiro: Yes! I couldn't agree more, Cheerleader!

Claire: But first….

Claire takes her shoe off and chops off her toe with a pair of scissors….(_Floop!)_

---

Molly: _Why does everyone keep fantasizing about her doing that?! It's gross!_

Meanwhile…..Nathan and Mohinder are driving in the car.

Mohinder: Wait?....You're 'Nathan'…..the regular 'Nathan'……from the 'normal' present?

Nathan: Yup.

Mohinder: Okay, that's good.

Nathan: Yeah.

Mohinder: So are you going to explain what's going on?

Nathan: Okay, I'll try……

Mohinder: I want you to go back and tell me everything, starting from the beginning……

Nathan: Okay……

---

Doctor: Congratulations, Mrs. Petrelli…._It's a boy!_

---

Mohinder: _NOT THAT FAR BACK!!_

Nathan: Oh, right……..Well, after last volume's climactic battle….

Mohinder: If you could call it that…..

Nathan: Something didn't feel right……so after I dropped Peter off with the Bennet's I went back to the wreckage….

Mohinder: And Thomas Fox was alive, wasn't he?! UGH!

Nathan: No….but his body was gone, and its location is unknown. Anyway, I have a friend who works at a lab and he brought to my attention that someone is out to get us.

Mohinder: Out to get us…..?

Nathan: Yeah…..this person doesn't want to take us head on, so they are being sneaky and killing off our ancestors……which in the end erases our existence and altering the future altogether.

Mohinder: Who would do such a thing?!

Nathan: I'm trying to find that out….

Mohinder: Well I'm tired of it, we have to stop this guy before he keeps messing up history…..because it seriously jacking people up…..you should've been on the boat ride I was on earlier.

---

Mohinder: Um….I really appreciate the ride…..Mrs. Bennet…..well, you're not Mrs. Bennet because…..ugh….whatever….

Mohinder is with Sandra on the pirate ship…_The S.S Muggles_….

Sandra: Don't thank me, thank my beautiful husband.

Sandra's husband _Fabio_ walks up.

Fabio: Nothing complements this bagel like '_I can't believe it's not butter'_….oops!....I accidentally dropped some on my bulging muscles!

Sandra: _Swoon!_

Mohinder: You know…I think I'll just swim the rest of the way….

---

Mohinder: So…..how are you here and not a completely messed up version of yourself?

Nathan: Well, somehow when history was changed I wasn't affected…….but when I came back home a saw….um…..myself walking around……

Mohinder: Uh, that's bad…… ……you know that can destroy the universe if he saw you?

Nathan: Well…..I was tired and……I thought the _Alternatives_ were revived again…..

Mohinder: And?

Nathan: and…..I….._ran him over with my car_.

Mohinder: _That's real bad!_

Nathan: The '_Nathan'_ in this time is a total slob and has to take care of _Claire!_ So I had to….assume his life to restore the balance or who knows what could have happened.

Mohinder: That doesn't really make sense…..where are we going?

Nathan: To the only man who can help you…..and save us.

They are stopped in front of a huge mansion.

Mohinder: WOW! Where are we?

Nathan: _The President's Estate_.

Mohinder: President……..Oh no…..you don't mean…..

Later…….

Matt: _…President Of Earth, Matthew Parkman, at your service_!

Mohinder: I think I'm going to be sick.

Matt: What can I do for you, Civilian?......Hmm….you look like my _lab guy_…….let me call him in here….

Mohinder: DON'T! You'll kill us all!

Matt: Uh…..okay….

Mohinder: I need your help, Matt. All of this…..the present…..everything is messed up. Someone is altering the past and…..well, you have no idea what I'm talking about so I'll just cut to the chase. I need to help Hiro and everybody else who is still trapped in the past and prevent any of this from happening….for real….I think….

Matt: Say no more, friend. I've got you covered. Come with me…..

Mohinder follows Matt into a side room of the Presidential Mansion.

Matt: My expert scientist has been working on this secret formula that can give people….._extraordinary abilities_…..

Mohinder: Uh….yeah…._Arthur Petrelli already did that_.

Matt: Yes….._but I'm doing it better_.

Mohinder: If you say so…..

Matt: Here I have six bottles, each with different variations of the super secret formula. Each one holds a different power….which I'm going to bestow….on you.

Mohinder: Give me a power?......I haven't had that since……

---

Matt is stuck to the wall in a giant, sticky, web.

Matt: Stupid Mohinder and his stupid face………

Niki is next to him, also stuck.

Niki: What the hell kind of power is this!?

Matt: I guess we're going to be stuck here forever….

Niki: Yeah, most likely.

Matt: I know…..being in this web make me feel like I'm in _Charlotte's Web_. I'll be Charlotte…._you'll be Wilbur_.

Niki: I'm not playing! We need to find a way to get down…..wait……_Wilbur was the pig!!_ Did you just call me a pig?!

Matt: Well, Niki, if it's Charlotte's Web and I'm Charlotte the Spider, someone has to be the pig. Geez, open a book sometime…..

Niki: I'm so going to kill you the next chance I get…..

Matt: Don't count on it….._Maya has been up here for 4 months_.

Maya: I can't believe Mohinder would do this! I'm so angry…..._and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry_.

Black goop starts oozing from her eyes.

Matt: Uh oh…._Maya is crying oil again_….._Black Gold…Texas Tea_

Niki: Can I be finished off first?

---

Mohinder: I'll do it!

Matt: Okay, three of these bottles hold special abilities…..the others…..not so much.

Mohinder: What does that mean?

Matt: Well, they're abilities that are really cool, but won't help you.

Mohinder: I see.

Matt: You can choose three…..and only three.

Mohinder: I only get three?!

Matt: Any more than that will kill you!

Mohinder: That makes sense.

Matt: So choose wisely, grasshopper!

Mohinder: Don't call me that……let's see…..I'll take this one…….this one…..and this one……

Matt: And I'll take the rest!

Mohinder: You're going to take some?

Matt: Well, duh!

Mohinder: Okay…..I hope these turn out good.

Mohinder drinks the bottles one by one.

Mohinder: Okay….let's see…….

Mohinder flings his arm, a bolt of electricity fire off.

Mohinder: Okay, what else?

A few minutes of experimenting later……

Mohinder: Excellent! I have electricity manipulation, super strength, and most importantly, _time travel_. This will be more than enough to go back and save the day!

Matt: YES! That means I got all the cool powers….

Mohinder: Uh….but if I got the _useful_ ones….which ones did you get?

Matt: _Hair Growth, Teeth Whitening, and Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich Conjuration_.

Mohinder: ……_excuse me?_

Matt: Together, _we can save the world_….._and maybe the Cheerleader if we have time_….

Mohinder: OR…….you can stay here…..and I can go fix things…..so…..bye now…..thanks!

Mohinder runs off……_Matt runs after him with long flowing hair and chowing down on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich_.

Matt: Wait!......I forgot to tell you that the powers are temporary…..man….I could use some milk…..

Chief Of Staff: Mr. President…..the photographer is here for your photo shoot.

Matt: Oh, goody!

Photographer: Okay, say _'Cheese'_.

Matt: _CHEEEEE_-

Matt's teeth emit a beam of light that radiates a portion of the building. (_ZAP!)_

Mohinder gets back to Nathan's car.

Mohinder: I have abilities now…..

Nathan: Uh oh……

Mohinder: No, they're useful. I can go back, prevent this present from happening, and save the others…..

Nathan: Good luck…

Mohinder: Should I take you with me?

Nathan: No, I have to stay here…..I'll be back to the normal present when everything gets fixed.

Mohinder: Okay…..

Mohinder scrunches his face and disappears……

Nathan: I don't get the 'scrunching of the face' thing……_it doesn't require that much work_….

---

Mohinder appears outside the prison walls…..

Mohinder: Perfect…..I only have a few minutes left before Reginald gets shot. I must act fast…..

Mohinder rips open the steel door with his strength. He begins to run through the halls, zapping guards with electricity and throwing them across the room.

Back inside the cell….

Ando: What's going on out there?

Mohinder runs up and pulls the prison bars apart.

Hiro: We're saved!

Mohinder: It's almost time….

Hiro: Leave everything to me….

Hiro walks out and teleports away….

Mohinder: _I was going to do that!_

Reginald is outside, he is preparing a catapult to take down the castle. He looks up as an arrow is coming straight towards him. Time suddenly stops as the poisonous arrow is lightly brushing up against his forehead. Hiro walks up and pushes the arrow to the side.

Hiro: Perfect….now I…..OW!

Hiro spots an arrow in his leg.

Hiro: Well, that won't do!

-A few seconds earlier-

Hiro pushes the arrow away. Reginald fires some boulders towards the castle, taking out the archers.

Hiro: Yes! The future is saved…..now to get back.

Hiro teleports back into the castle as everything is falling apart. Mohinder and the others are running down the hall.

Ando: Hiro! What happened?

Hiro: I saved Mr. Bennet's great, great, great, great….whatever……and saved the future!

Ando: Good…..let's get out of here.

They start to run off…..Hiro stops as something catches his eye. He walks over to someone who is crushed by a large piece of debris.

Hiro: Is this….The King?

He bends down to get a closer look at the King of the castle…._who looks just like Hiro._

Hiro: AHH!....What….what is this?......

Some guards run in.

Guard 1: Oh no! The king is dead!

Guard 2: Who is this ruffian?

Guard 1: That's strange….he looks just like the king.

Hiro: I didn't kill him! Honest!

Guard 2: He must be the King's _identical twin brother_!

Hiro: Oh no….I'm pretty sure we're not related…..

Guard 1: I guess _this man will have to take over the throne_.

Hiro: Th…th…._throne_.

Guard 2: Let's get him!

Guard 1 knocks out Hiro and drags him away. Meanwhile, down the hall….

Mohinder: Why are we running? We need to just teleport back!

Ando: Wait! Hiro's missing…..

Mohinder (flinging his wrist): My electricity is gone! If I'm going to teleport us out of here we have to go now or we're stuck here……well, unless we use Reginald's time machine which is probably destroyed by now…..

Ando: We can't leave Hiro behind!

Mohinder: He can time travel too. But we can't wait any longer….

Ando: I'll wait for Hiro….you guys can go ahead. Micah and Molly need to get back home so _they can eventually be kidnapped again_.

Molly: That's sad…..

Micah: but true….

Mohinder: Okay…..let's go.

Mohinder gets himself, Angela, Micah and Molly huddled together and they teleport back to the present. Ando stands in the hallway as the castle continues to fall apart.

-Present Time: Normal-

Mohinder and the gang end up back in the apartment. Matt and Niki are watching television.

Niki: Mohinder, where have you been?

Matt: And why is Micah, Molly, and _Peter's mom_ with you.

Angela: I have a name!

Mohinder: Long story…..

Matt (to Niki): They had a party….and we weren't invited….so rude…..

Niki: Whatever….

Mohinder: Well, I'm just glad everything is back to normal….

Matt gets up to put his trash away, _everyone notices that he has a tail_.

Angela: Uh…

Mohinder: Leave it…..leave it……We're not going back……

Meanwhile….at the Bennet's…..

Sandra walks into the living room and sits down next to Noah, who is existing again.

Sandra: I'm glad everything is back to normal….

Noah: What are you talking about?

Sandra: Oh, nothing…..but don't you ever wonder what things would be like if our lives played out differently?

Noah: Not really….

Sandra goes back to reading her _Fabio _Romance novel: '_I can't believe it's not Scurvy'_.

Upstairs…..Claire is back to nursing duties, looking at Sylar who is on the phone with some lawyers, laughing.

Claire: I can't take this anymore….I have to do something to prove Sylar's guilt…._even if it kills me_.

Peter and Elle waddle up.

Peter: Claire! Elle and I were dancing for some strange reason and he both broke our ankles!

Elle: I'm going to need someone to take care of me….._and bring me a Mojito_ if you could….

Claire: Ughghmmrphermgmpehrgm………

She glares at Sylar some more…..

_To Be Continued_….

---

Next Time: On an all new episode of _ALF!_

Niki: _Alf!?_

_Claire is going to get her revenge_….

Claire (to Sylar): You heard the promo…._you're going down_!

Sylar: We'll see about that!

_Matt gets trapped in a videogame_….._things that could happen to anybody_….

Micah: If you don't find the seven amulets in the seven worlds before the end of the day…..videogames will be wiped off the face of the earth forever….

Matt: That's bad!

Micah: And you'll die!

Matt: That's double bad!

Mario: _What are you doing with The Princess?!_

Matt: I'm saving her…_duuuuuuhhh!_

_Hiro becomes a King…_

Ando: You're the new _King of Japan?!_

Hiro: I know!

Ando: Why are we the only ones who get stuck in these situations?

_And Peter is getting back in touch with his artistic side_…..

Peter: These 7 portraits depict the future……

Niki: We know how it works….

Peter: Okay, smarty…..what does the future hold?

Niki: Is one of them a giant mushroom cloud explosion or the earth ripping in two?

Peter: …….._shut up!_

New Heroes Parody Project coming soon!


	11. Game Over

-The Heroes Parody Project-

Author Note: Hello, so I made another website for the fic. I tried that a few months ago and it kinda bombed because it was on yahoo and it was really limited for me. So I'm using Myspace because it's free and I can do more with it. So check it out and let me know what you think!

/heroespp

Warning: There are a few spoilers! Make sure you are completely caught up with the show so…you….won't be spoiled!

Hiro: _Heroes_ is copyright of NBC, Tim Kring and friends! All characters, events, locations, and powers belong to them! Any similarities between any actual people living or dead is completely coincidental. Reader discretion is advised…..

Ando: Are you done yet?

Hiro (sitting in a Carnival Dunk Tank): Don't do it, Ando! I will so not invite you to my birthday party!

Ando: You haven't answered my question.

Hiro: Oh, sorry….I was done….

Ando throws the ball, hitting the target.

Hiro: AHHHH!! (Splooosh!)……Help! I can't swim!

Ando: I'll take that teddy bear now…..

Hiro: _Previously…On Heroes…blub…blub…blub…_

Sylar gets food poisoning, sues the Bennets, and is now under constant Claire watch.

Claire: You'll never get away with this!

Sylar: Oh…but I will, Claire……Music!

Peter bangs down on the pipe organ. (Duhn! Duuuuuuhn!)

Sylar: Mwahahahahahahahahah!

Claire: Geez….

Noah's great great great great….whatever succumbs to arrow poisoning. Noah ceases to exist.

Mohinder: None of us were affected…..

Mohinder flips through some of the pages of Reginald's journal.

Matt: I can give you an option….3 of these bottles contain helpful abilities….3 of them….not so helpful.

Mohinder's newly temporary abilities allows him to rip through the castle security. Hiro saves Reginald and history is restored.

Hiro: What the?!

Hiro spots the King who was killed during all the havoc…..and he looks just like Hiro.

Hiro: Impossible!

Guard: The King is dead…..this must be his identical twin….he's next in line.

---

_Matt Parkman  
Mohinder's Apartment  
In The Hallway Of Inevitable Collisions_

Matt is walking down the hall back to the apartment carrying groceries. He turns the corner and collides into a young kid.

Matt: OOF!....Oh, hey man, sorry about that…..

Kid: Fool!......

He grabs the _Twix_ that fell out of the bag and ran off.

Matt: HEY! That was my Twix, punk………Man, that was the best part……._well, these groceries are ruined now_.

Matt throws the bag of groceries into the trash and heads into the apartment.

Niki (with a cold): Ugggh….finally, you're back……did you get that medicine?

Matt: Uh…..

Niki: …..

Matt: uhhhh……

Niki: ……

Matt: ….they…..were……out…..?

Niki: …….

Matt: …….perhaps?

Niki: ……_something made you upset and you threw the entire bag of groceries away, didn't you_?

Matt: ………no….

Niki: …….

Matt: ……perhaps?

Niki: Ugh! I'll go check in the outside trash….idiot!

Niki storms out while Matt walks into Micah's room.

Niki (digging through the trash): I give him one simple task and can he do it.._nooo_…..that's all I needed, some medicine……the only thing Matt keeps around is _Flintstone Vitamins_….and he doesn't even use those right!

---

Matt is playing with the different Flintstone Vitamins in another episode of '_Flintstone Soap Opera Theatre'…_

Matt (as Fred): Yabba, Dabba, Doo! I'm off from work!

Matt walks Fred over to where Barney is.

Matt (Barney): Uh oh!

Matt (Fred): _Barney, My Pebbles!_

Matt (Wilma): Fred! What are you doing home so soon! _This isn't what it looks like!_

Matt (Fred): _Barney, My wife!_

Niki: Will you shut the hell up!?

Matt: Niki, I have to see if Fred and Wilma are going to make up! Can't you see their marriage is on _the rocks!?_....Get it?...._On The Rocks!_ HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Niki: God, I hate you…..

---

Matt is looming over Micah who is on the computer.

Matt: Hey, sport! What's happenin?

Micah: Oh, hey Matt……I'm just messing around with this new game I picked up, '_Dungeon Slayer 4'_. I'm not very good at it.

Matt: _Dungeon Slayer?_

Micah: Yeah……

Matt: _How do you 'slay' a dungeon?_

Micah shrugs.

A skeleton pops up and kills Micah's character, on the screen….

_CHAPTER ELEVEN: GAME OVER_

Micah: Yeah, not good at all.

Matt: And what is this…..? (He picks up a helmet of some sort)

Micah: Oh, that came with the game but I don't like it very much. It's kinda like a _Virtual Reality thing_, but it hurts my eyes. I don't mind just staring at the screen.

Matt: Ah……(devilish smirk)…..._Can I try it_?

Micah: Sure! I'm not making any progress.

Matt: Yay!

Matt puts the helmet on as Micah is typing some stuff on the computer.

Micah: Okay, you should be connected…..now.

Matt: Uh huh…….whoa……

= = = = = = = = =LOADING= = = = = = = = = =

Matt is walking through a mystical forest.

Matt: Sword, check……..shield, check……..tunic….little too tight……but that's all good!

Micah: How is everything? You feel allright?

Matt: My eyeballs hurt….

Micah: Oh, that's normal……now, make your way through the forest, defeat the dragon, get the crystal, and try not to die.

Matt: Sounds easy enough….

Micah is monitoring Matt's progress when an envelope is flashing on the screen. Micah clicks on it. A video message appears from his arch rival, Wilbur Stevens.

Wilbur: Hello, peasant!

Micah: Oh no……..

Wilbur: I hope you are enjoying your silly little game, Micah.

Micah: I was….

Wilbur: I just hope you are prepared for what I have in store for you…..a little game I made up.

Micah: Huh?

Wilbur: I have released a virus through cyberspace that has a target lock on every video game on earth.

Micah: That seems kinda unlikely.

Wilbur: You have to do what I say or I will activate it. The virus will destroy every piece of video game, from the past and any from the future.

Micah: That's not good…..

Wilbur: And your friend will die as well……

Micah watches Matt run for his life.

Matt: AHH! _Bees! I hate bees!_

Micah: Not good……

Wilbur: I will be back with my demands shortly…..ha, ha!....

Micah: I better think of something…….better activate my Eclipse screensaver while I wait….

---_As the world turns and forms the Eclipse on Micah's _screen....._This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down…crap…Heroes!---_

_A Cold Ridden Niki Sanders  
Bennet Memorial Fake Hospital  
Where we promise to have more love triangles than 'Grey's Anatomy', or you get a free physical! _

Niki is walking down the hall, she is carrying some chicken noodle soup into Peter's room.

Peter: Ah, Niki! You're a life saver. Cough!

Niki: I hope you know I'm sick too! I shouldn't be your delivery girl!

Peter: Well, there was a reason why I wanted you to bring me my soup.

Peter hops out of bed.

Peter: Where are the crackers?

Niki (gritting): You didn't ask for crackers!

Peter: Aww…..well, _this soup is ruined now!_

Peter throws the bowl into the trash can.

Niki: GRRR!

Peter: Come over here…..Lock the door.

Niki: Uh….what is this about? (She locks the door)

Peter: …._I painted the future again_.

Niki: And I'm supposed to care because…..

Peter: I had no one else to tell, so I want to tell you.

Niki: Still not understanding why me, but sure…..

Peter reaches under the bed and pulls out several portraits, Niki looks them over:

_Hiro holding a sword, an army charging past him…_

_A woman with long, blonde hair being thrown out a window…_

_Matt holding up a torch to some wall paintings…_

_The Haitian tossing a book into a fireplace…_

_A pair of hands cupping some water from a river…_

_Claire holding a gun over someone…_

_A man walking down a hallway…_

Peter: What do you think?

Niki: Riveting stuff….

Peter: AHH! What are you doing?!

Peter catches Niki going through his medicine cabinet.

Niki: Uh…….

Peter: Are you stealing my cough medicine?

Niki: Uh……….uh……._Perhaps?_

Peter: HELP! HELP! _MEDICINE THIEF!_

Peter hops back out of bed and chases Niki out the door, they run past Claire who is using a step stool to crawl into the vent.

Claire: Heh, heh, heh….this plan is genius. I'll videotape Sylar all healthy and well and present it in court, then I'll be free and I won't have to take care of him anymore!

Claire climbs herself into the vent and shimmies over to where Sylar's room is.

Claire: There you are…….

Claire sets up the camera and presses record. Sylar gets out of bed and start doing jumping jacks.

Claire: P-E-R-F-E-C-T!!....This will win me the case for sure…..

Sandra (crawling up): Claire, what are you doing?

Claire: ACK!

Sandra: Well, I just wanted to show you Mr. Muggles new haircut!

She shows off Muggles and his new pigtails.

Claire: Yeesh!

Lyle: Mom! Do we have any more peanut butter?

Claire: Mom, Lyle…get out of here!

Sandra: Did you check the basement.

Lyle: Oh no, I didn't….

Peter: Hello everyone, I have a complaint.

Claire: Come on, get out of here…..

Sandra: What's wrong, Peter?

Peter: We have a thief amongst us! She stole my medicine.

Peter shows them a picture of Niki, drunk, dancing with a lampshade on her head.

Claire: Are those the only pictures you have of people? Completely wasted?

Peter: Why yes……

Claire: Ugh…..

Noah: What's going on in here?

Claire: Okay, its getting extremely packed!

Noah: Claire, I thought you said you cleaned out this vent! _You're grounded forever!_

Elle: Ooh! Air duct party!

Claire bangs her head on the side of the duct.

Elle: Air duct…..videotape…..a room below…..Claire, you little minx, are you videotaping someone? How naughty!......Let's see who you are…._EWW! SYLAR!?_ Claire, what the hell is wrong with you!?

Claire: This cannot end soon enough……

A loud snap is heard.

Claire: Uh……uh…..

Meanwhile, Sylar is jazzercising to the tv.

Sylar: And one…..and two……and _ow_….._that burns_……_the pain……it sucks_……

Tv Trainer: Feel the burn!

Sylar: Oh, shut up!

Another loud creeking is heard.

Sylar: What the….

The air duct collapses in the middle of the room, the giant section along with tons of debris, lands on Sylar.

Claire: That's not good.

Sylar: My legs! _I'm going to have to double sue for damages_!

Claire: CRAAAP!

Peter: So what's for dinner?

Sandra: Fried chicken.

Peter: Ahh…..I love it here….

Claire (grumbling): Grmrmprermemhaphmrph…..

Meanwhile, back in the videogame world.

Matt: WHAT?!?!?!

Micah: Matt, I haven't said anything yet.

Matt: I know, I just like being ready for the bad news.

Micah: So I have this rival, and he placed a virus through cyberspace that upon activation will destroy every videogame ever made, including future ones!

Matt: Go on….

Micah: This will kill you, because I can't just unhook you from the system cold turkey!

Matt: Go on….

Micah: Even my ability can't stop this, the virus is too strong. There is only one way we can win this game….

Matt: Go on….

Micah: There are 7 videogame worlds, in each one there is a precious artifact. If you can find them all and give them to Wilbur, my rival, he will admit defeat and you will be free.

Matt: Go on….

Micah: That's it.

Matt: Ah….but what if I fail…..

Micah: Videogames will be wiped off the planet forever, you will die, and all of humankind will plunge into a massive state of _productivity_.

Matt: This is worse than I thought!

Micah: So, we will be sending you to your first world….are you ready?

Matt: Let's do this!

Micah types some things and Matt is warped to the first world. Elsewhere…..Matt's hand reaches up from the inside of a green pipe. He pulls himself out and falls on the ground.

Matt: OOF!......Okay, this shouldn't be so bad.

Matt spots a chubby plumber running past him.

Matt: Hmm, a local…..time to get his attention…..

The plumber, _Mario_, stops to pick up a Mushroom.

Matt: Hey, pal! I know you!

Mario: Mama Mia!...._You-a scare-a de crap outta me!_

Matt: Where have you been!? I called for a Plumber to fix our toilet are you never showed up! _It's been clogged up for weeks!_

Molly opens the door to the bathroom and gets crushed by a tidal wave.

Molly: AHHHH!

Mario: What are you-a talking about?

Matt: Listen, I need to find this amulet, and _YOU_ need to help me.

Mario: Amulet? There's-a nothing like dat here….

Matt: I see…..well, maybe a little _torture_ will change your tune!

Matt pokes Mario in the stomach.

Mario: _Tee Hee!_.....Don't-a do that, you jerk!

Mario pokes Matt in the stomach.

Matt: _Tee Hee!_ Ow! I think you bruised something important!

Mario (poked): _Tee Hee!_

Matt (poked): _Tee Heee Hee!_

Mario (poked): _Tee Hee!_

Matt (poked): _Tee Heee Hee!_

Micah: Matt, can we move this along….?

Matt: So, why are you here?

Mario: I have to-a save deh princess!

Matt: Princess, eh?

Mario: I mean, it's only the _four trillionth time she's been kidnapped_!

Matt: Sounds like Micah and Molly…

Micah: _I CAN HEAR YOU!!_

Matt: Oops……..Well, maybe if I save this princess she can release the amulet to me! Then we can finally get this plot rolling!

Mario: WHAT!? No! I save the princess!

Matt: Whatever, sister! _Not if I beat you too it!_

They both take off running.

Micah: -Groan-……

Back at the Bennet's, Claire is spying on Sylar again. He is writing in his diary.

Sylar: Dear Diary, I'm still living with the Bennet's. Man it sure is tough being me! I wish I had someone to share my problems with, someone to confide in. Someone I can tell _anything to_.

Claire: Anything, eh?.....Gasp!....I just got….an idea……the best idea ever!

Claire gets bathed in a bright, shining light.

Choir Angels: _LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_

Sylar: HEY! Quiet it down, over there! Some people are trying to pour their hearts out over here!........Some people are so selfish…

Claire: Hmph….

Claire pulls the chain, turning off the light…

Choir Angels: _LAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!_

Later, Claire goes back into Sylar's room, who has his leg in a cast.

Claire: I swear that cast wasn't on there when I was here earlier…..

Sylar: The pain just started flaring up….What do you want?

Claire: I wanted to talk to you…..girl to psychotic serial killer….

Sylar: I'm listening.

Claire sits down on the bed.

Claire: I just wanted to apologize for everything that's happened. In fact….I don't blame you suing my family.

Sylar: You don't?!

Claire: No…..in fact, I can understand…._where you are coming from_.

Sylar: You do?!

Claire: Yes…..I know you're misunderstood, trying to gain knowledge about your origins, and you have a crazy father with a strange power…

---

Sylar: So….you are my father….

Samson: I am……and you have a power…..it will be mine!

Samson begins to emit a long ear piercing whistle.

Sylar: ……uh…….

Samson is still continuing to whistle.

Sylar: ……hmm….

Samson changes it up a bit, altering the pitch of the whistling, to the point where it sounding like the theme from '_Peter and The Wolf'_.

Sylar: Yeah…..I'm outta here…

Samson: Wait! I can do the theme to _The Love Boat!_

Sylar: Still outta here…..

Samson: Squander my talents, will you…..fool…..hmm…..(singing to himself)…._The looove booaaat…soon we'll be making another run. The looove booaat, promises something for everyone. Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance!_

---

Sylar: It's true, he was insane! (SOB)

Claire: I just wanted to tell you….that I am here for you.

Sylar: Wow….nobody has ever been there for me before…..It almost makes me feel bad _how I'm faking all my illnesses to the judges so they'll make you take care of me as part of an elaborate ruse to get closer to you and take your power and achieve world…no…tri-state area domination!_

Claire: Interesting….gotta go…..

Claire books it out of there, she pulls out a tape recorder.

Claire: Ah, Claire…another brilliant performance…..

Later, at the dinner table. Sylar is eating dinner along with the rest of the family. Claire struts in, beaming.

Sandra: Oh Claire, you're just in time for dinner.

Claire: In a second mom, but first….I have an announcement. It has come to my attention that our friend Sylar will be leaving us….

Sylar: Ha….I don't think so Claire, I'm still sick…..Cough!

Claire: Really….that's not what you told me…..For you see, people of the dinner table…..Sylar is faking everything and I have proof.

Claire places the tape recorder on the table. Sylar raises an eyebrow.

Claire: Have any last words?

Sylar: Yes……This fried chicken is delicious, Mrs. Bennet!

Mrs. Bennet: Why thank you, Sylar! It's the one day of the month I make real food….

Noah: It's true! Last week we had Spaghetti made from tennis shoe strings!

Lyle: And my cereal has been mysteriously replaced with _Lincoln Logs_.

Sandra: Well, excuse me for trying to get you to eat some _fiber_ in the morning. (She pulls down a '_Superman'_ cereal box). Because '_Kal-El's Frosted Flakes'_ aren't cutting it, bub!

Lyle: Hmph!

Claire: ANYWAY!......This tape has the conversation Sylar and I had earlier, and he admitted everything! So what do you have to say to that, Sylar? The jig is up! _The game is over!_ And I, for once, have finally won something! So listen to this!

She presses play on the recorder……to play _Peter singing in the shower_.

Peter (singing): _Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder like a Continental Solider, do you ears hang loooooow!_

Claire dives for the tape and presses stop. Everyone in the room looks at Peter.

Peter: I sure am glad she stopped it right before I slipped on the bar of soap and fell on my head…..

Claire: …..(Staring daggers at Peter)

Peter: Claire…

Claire: DON'T!

Peter: Claire!

Claire: DON'T!

Peter: But, Claire I….

Claire: DON'T!

Peter: You're not even….

Claire: DON'T!

Peter: Can I at least…

Claire: DON'T!

Claire storms out of the room.

Peter: I feel horrible….I better go get me some ice cream…._Then I'll feel better!_

Peter leaves as everyone else in the room sits in awkward silence. Elle's hand presses play on the tape recorder.

Peter (tape, singing): _I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want! So tell me what you want, what you really, really…_(SLIP!)…AHHH!....(CLANG!)

Elle: I am so making that my ringtone….

Meanwhile…..

Matt and Mario are staring at the Evil King Bowser as he stands on the bridge over the pool of lava in front of the room where the Princess is.

Matt: Is that all he does is _stand there_?

Mario: No, he hops up and down and shoots fireballs.

Matt: Some people get the coolest powers….So what do we do?

Mario: Well, I would shoot fireballs back at him…._but somebody ate my fire flower_.

Matt: You shouldn't have let me put it on my garden salad….but for the record it was _very delicious._

Mario: So, NOW….we have to hop over him and cut the line to the bridge, it will send him into the lava.

Matt: Then he's dead! YAY!

Mario: Well, until the next castle…

Matt: WHAT!?

Mario: He's in every castle!

Matt: _WHAT?!_

Mario: And the Princess will always be in _another_ castle….

Matt: _DOUBLE WHAT?!_

Mario: Didn't you know that!?

Matt: Well, NO! Well this is just a waste of time….

Mario: Of course not! We beat him….we go to the next world.

Matt: I don't have time for that! It's only an hour long show and we can't interrupt the following programming……Micah, _Who comes on after us? 'Chuck' or 'Medium'?_ I can never remember….

Micah buries his face in his hands.

Matt spots Bowser wearing something around his neck.

Matt: Gasp! The amulet!

Mario: How are you going to get it?

Matt: Just play along…..

Matt (in a high pitched, girly voice): _Oh, Mario! Thank you for saving me…Princess Footstool!_

Mario: _TOADSTOOL!_

Matt: Really?....I mean….(voice) _Now we can run off and get married! Let me kiss you now you big hunk of man!_

Mario (not impressed): Are you serious?

Matt: HEY! _Don't be getting fresh, pal!_

Mario: _That's not what I meant!_

Bowser is looming over them.

Bowser: What is going on here?

Matt: AHH!.....Uh…..hey…..

Bowser: And by the way, that was the _WORST_ Princes Toadstool impression I have ever heard!

Matt: Well, excuse me!....

He spots the dangling amulet, ripping it off Bowser's neck.

Bowser: HEY!

Matt: My job is done! Gotta run!

Matt takes off, Bowser if ever so pissed….

Mario: I sure am glad I have a lot more lives on hand. Mama Mia!

Bowser (fire breath): _FWOOOOOOOSH!_

Matt: Micah! Look! I did something productive!

Micah: Good job, Matt! Only _six more to go!_

Matt: SIX!?....Oh man…..this is going to take forever!

_Ando  
In old time Japan  
Serving under King Hiro…at least it's not King Ralph_....._or King Richard from the earlier Volume…or The Burger King…or Stephen King_…

Ando: So Hiro….you are now the King Of Japan.

Hiro: Yeah, I know!

Ando: How long do you plan on keeping this gig….?

Hiro: It shouldn't be too long, it's not really my thing….

Hiro claps his hands.

Hiro: Ha! Ha!....Yes, servants….more food! More wine! More exotic dancers!

Ando: Hiro, don't you think we should be heading home?

Hiro: Not now, Ando….I have a country to rule. Just sit back and enjoy the show.

Ando: Hmm…..

Meanwhile, Claire is in her _Reality TV Booth Confessional_.

-CLAIRE-

Claire: I just don't know what I'm going to do with Sylar. This is getting out of hand!..._and the other people of the household aren't helping at all_!

---

Elle (to Claire): If you got somethin to say. You need to say it in mah face!

Claire: Oh no you di-int!

Peter: You go, girlfriend!

Noah: Is the world really much better off now that I exist again?

Sandra: Probably…..(she takes another bite of her _Kal-El's Frosted Flakes)_

Lyle: HEY!! You're eating my cereal!

Sandra: The Kryptonite Sugar Crystals really give it a kick.

Lyle: Well, duh!

---

Claire: I don't know where I was going with that….but…get this….

Claire has her ear pressed up against the door hearing Sylar on the phone. She cracks the door open and watches him laugh. She bolts to the other phone and eavesdrops on the conversation.

Sylar (to Doctor Fake): Yes, so you will come by, "Doctor"_, _and diagnose me with some bogus illness so I will have to stay longer than normal!

Doctor Fake: Sounds good to me!

Claire quietly puts the phone down.

Claire: He's going to have some doctor _order him to stay longer!_.....He totally ripped that off from the '_Peter and Elle are a married couple'_ plot from last week's episode…._What a loser!_....I must act fast….

Peter: You want me to do what?

Claire: Sylar is having a doctor come by here to check on him….I need YOU….to knock the doctor out and assume his identity. Prove Sylar's guilt, everyone is happy. THE END!!

Peter: I love happy endings!

Claire: Then hop to it! Time is of the essence!

The fake doctor knocks on the door Peter opens it and punches him in the face.

Peter: Claire is going to be so proud!.....

Later, Peter is walking into Sylar's room, with the fake mustache equipped of course….

Sylar: Okay, doctor. What do you have for me? Wink! Wink!

Peter: I'm afraid the virus is going to spread to your face…..we must act quickly.

Sylar: Say what?

Peter: I am going to inject you with this vaccine that will make you feel all better!

Peter pulls out a syringe with a 15 inch needle.

Sylar: GAH! Are you giving me an _epidural_?! That needle is freaking huge!

Peter (smirking): This won't be going in your back…….heh, heh, heh….

Sylar: AHHHHHH!!

Sylar jumps out the window from the _second floor_…..(SPLAT!)

Sylar: OW! My body……I broke everything!

Claire: Well, I should've seen that coming….

Back in The Game World, Famed Archeologist and Tomb Raider, _Matthew Parkman Croft_, is trying to find the lost treasure of Atlantis.

Matt walks up and grabs a _torch, holding it up to some wall paintings._

Matt: These shorts are ever so tight! _Who raids Tombs in these!?_

Micah: The actual star of the game, _Lara Croft_…..I think she can pull them off better than you.

Matt: Whatever, _I'm half the man she is!_

Micah: Uh….nevermind..….

Matt: I can do this…..oooh! A health pack!

Matt bends down to pick it up (_RIIIIIIPP!!)_

Micah: UH…..let's just restart the level.

Matt: _But I just got my flashlight!_

Claire is sitting back at the table. Elle plops down next to her.

Elle: What's wrong, Claire?

Claire: I'm never going to get Sylar proven guilty. Everything I do, it blows up in my face! It's hopeless!

Elle: I have an idea!

Claire: Well, I've got nothing to lose….let's hear it.

Elle: You get Sylar to chase after you, and I'll take his picture. It will prove he's not sick and you'll have your Evidence A.

Claire: It's worth a shot…..Let's do it!

Claire comes waltzing into Sylar's room with a towel draped over her head, covered in blood.

Claire: OOOOOHHHHH……ow….ow…..the pain….

Sylar: What did you do?

Claire: I tripped and fell down…..

Sylar: That's it….

Claire: ….the stairs…..

Sylar: …..

Claire: Into….uh….Lyle's…..knife….collection?

Sylar: Seems reasonable.

Claire: And it sliced my head wide open…._exposing my brain!_

Sylar: Like it matters, you're going to heal up in like, 5 seconds!

Claire: But something's wrong…..it's taking longer….than normal….

Sylar: ….._It is?_

Claire: Yes……I hope…..nobody….takes advantage of this……(She collapses)

Sylar stands there as he spots the portion of her brain exposed. Sylar thinks to himself.

Sylar: Ho hum…..(He gently slides off the bed, creeping slowly toward Claire)

Sylar: So close…….

Claire hops back to her feet and runs to the door.

Claire: You're going to have to catch me first!

Sylar chases after her and down the hall. Elle has a camera ready….

Claire: _ELLE! Take the picture! Take the picture!_

20 minutes later after Claire loses him, Claire heals up and walks up to Elle.

Claire: Let me see the picture….

Elle: Here you go!

Claire: ………..Elle?

Elle: What's wrong?

Claire: What is this?

Elle: What are you talking about?

Claire: Elle, this isn't a camera, it's one of those stupid clicky _View-Master_ toys!

Elle: And it shows the process of how a simple caterpillar turns into a butterfly….oooh…..(CLICK)…..ahhh…(CLICK)….purty….(CLICK)

Claire: I quit!

Meanwhile,

Micah: Matt, you are doing an awesome job. You almost have all the amulets!

Matt: Yeah, well it hasn't been easy!

---_Mega Man World---_

Dr. Light: Matt! Dr. Wily is going to destroy the earth!

Matt: Don't worry, I just took a shower. I'm ready for action!

Dr. Light: You did WHAT!?

Matt's suit rusts up.

---Pokemon World---

Ash: It's time to face off in ultimate Pokemon battle! Are you ready foe?

Matt: Let's do this!

Ash: I call '_Charizard!'_ (He throws down his poke-ball)

Matt: Go! Pikachu! (Matt slams his ball into the ground…WHACK!.....nothing happens).

Matt: Uh……(He opens the Pokeball, horrified)….._Can I get another one? I broke mine._

Judge: Fine, but this is the last time!

---Resident Evil World---

Jill: Matt! The zombies are multiplying! We have to destroy the T-Virus and bring peace to the earth! At least until the next game!

Matt: Leave it all to me…..

Jill: Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Matt: Jill, I've seen _Shaun Of The Dead_, like….a thousands times….I'm kind of an expert in this field..…..sheesh….

A zombie reaches through the window and grabs Jill.

Jill: AHHHHH! MATT! HELP!

Matt: Stop screaming, Jill….it will only lure them to us!.....Heh…._Rookie_…..

---

Micah: And now you are only two away and we win! Now, _defeat Ganon, rescue Princess Zelda, and obtain the tri-force, along with the amulet, and get out of there!_

Matt: _ANOTHER kidnapped Princess!? _Man, these girls sure are giving Royalty a bad name!

Ganon: I will destroy you, Matt! And with the tri-force power…I will destroy the world!!!

Matt: Eat boomerang!

Matt flings the boomerang.

Matt: EH!

It flops on the floor about a foot away from him.

Zelda: Uh…

Ganon: _That was pathetic!_

Matt: Can I get a do-over?

Ganon: _NOOOO!_

Matt: Well, somebody doesn't play nice…..

Matt flings his sword at Ganon, it hits him in the eye.

Ganon: AHHHHH!

Micah: That's not a ranged weapon! But it worked I guess.

Matt: Hurry Princess! We have to get out of here!

Zelda: We have to protect ourselves, he's shooting lasers at us!

Matt: Good idea!

Matt holds Zelda as a _human shield_ and starts to book it.

Zelda: AHH! Not like that…..Grr…._I liked the other guy better!_

Back at Claire's….

Peter: Hey, Claire….I have an idea!

Claire: I don't want to hear it….Sylar is going to be living with us until the end of time.

Peter: No, it's actually a good idea!

Claire: -Sigh-…..What is it?

Peter: You can get Matt Parkman to…_mentally force_ Sylar to confessing…….a little mind control fun…..

Claire: I could……You're right….I could! Good job, Peter, you get a cookie…..

Peter: _Finally!_

Later, Claire shows up at Mohinder's…..she knocks on the door, it slowly opens on it's own.

Claire: Hello?.....Dr. Suresh?......Matt?.........Niki?.......Hmm….

She walks into Micah's room.

Micah: Oh, hi Claire!

Claire: Hey, Micah….where is everybody?

Micah: I don't know…..well, Matt is in my game via _Virtual Reality_.

Claire: Good! I need to talk to him.

Micah: Can't yet…..you see my rival is threatening to destroy all videogames with a cyberspace virus….

Claire: _That could plunge the world in a massive state of productivity! _How awful!

Micah: Yeah! Well, in order to beat the virus…..Matt had to be placed into these games and collect 7 amulets from the different worlds. Then all would be saved!

Claire: You really think after Matt collects them all, this rival will give up just like that?

Micah: Of course not, I'm sure there's a plot twist lurking around the corner any minute….

Wilbur: I see that your Guinea Pig collected 6 of the amulets, Micah. Well done!

Micah: Yeah, so all we need is the seventh, and we win!

Wilbur: You fool! There is no seventh!

Wilbur pushes a button and the 6 amulets that Matt has collected disappear.

Matt: WHA!?

Micah: Oh no! What a plot twist!

Claire: I've only been here for 40 seconds and even I knew that was going to happen!

Wilbur: If you want to save the videogame world….you'll have to take me on….personally!.....

Wilbur puts on a helmet and he enters a battle arena with Matt.

Matt: Uh oh….

Wilbur draws a sword and takes a couple of swings at Matt.

Matt: That looks sharp! Micah, some help!?

Micah: Wait…..he wouldn't place himself in a game infected with the virus…..this must mean he's vulnerable!

Claire: Whatever…..

Micah mentally alters the game electronically. A machine gun appears next to Matt.

Matt: Thanks!

Matt picks it up and hurls it at Wilbur.

Micah and Claire exchange looks.

Micah: Uh….Let's try something different……

Micah re-programs the game…..Wilbur has Matt pinned down…the sword inches away from his throat.

Matt: This looks like the end of my adventures…..

A giant mechanical spider crawls up and pulls Wilbur away from Matt.

Wilbur: WHAT!? NO! This isn't possible!.....

Micah quickly types a few more things and jumps up to run over to Matt with the VR helmet still on. He disconnects it.

Matt: Whoa…..that was…..intense…..

Micah: How do you feel?

Matt: My eyeballs still hurt.

Micah: The day is saved! You made it out alive and Wilbur is no longer a problem! The videogame future can rest easy.

Claire: So….what happened to that kid?

Micah: How did you like the game?!

Matt: I must admit, it was pretty cool! But I think I'll take a break….maybe I'll try another game tomorrow.

Micah: Oh boy! _There goes the neighborhood!_

Matt and Micah: HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

They give each other a 'high five'!

-_THE END-_

Claire: _Wait a damn minute!_ We're not done yet! I still need help with my story!

Matt: Oh yeah…..

Back at the Bennet's….

Claire: Okay, Matt. I need you to convince Sylar to confess that he's a big fakey fake fakerson! Can you do that?

Matt: Well, yeah….shouldn't be too hard…..like that one time….

---

Angela: I can't believe Nathan is dead…..Matt, I need you to convince Sylar to shape shift into Nathan.

Matt: Can do, Mrs. P!

Noah: You know, usually I forbid this but why can't we just use Claire's blood to bring Nathan back from the dead.

Angela: It won't work.

Noah: What are you talking about? Nathan got burnt to a crisp in the Kirby Plaza explosion….and did you forget it helped me when _Mohinder shot me in the face!?_

Angela: I don't remember that.

Matt: Neither do I.

Noah: Unbelievable…..

Angela: Besides…it doesn't work like that, Noah. _Everybody only gets 'one'!_

Noah: _ONE!?_

Angela: Yes, any injections after that won't take…..that's our story and we're sticking to it.

Noah: Oh, please…..

---

Claire: Well, that flashback just confused the hell out of me….

Matt: That's what they're there for….time to get to work.

Sylar, who is asleep….wakes up later….in a protected cell.

Sylar: What the?!

Sylar stares at Claire through bullet/ability proof glass.

Sylar: So…..you may have won this round, Claire…..

Claire: I did….go me!

Sylar: But you know….this isn't the end…..I always come back. I always get my revenge…..

Claire: I'll be waiting…..

Claire turns and walks down the hall through the double doors…..she walks back through…..

Claire: You could've told me that was the locker room…..

Sylar: …..

Claire walks off down to the other end of the hallway.

Elsewhere, Mohinder returns home for the first time in the chapter….he notices a kid sitting on his couch _eating a Twix bar_.

Mohinder: Oh….hello…..may I help you?

Kid: You can……we have a lot to discuss, Dr. Suresh.

Mohinder: Okay….what is it?

Kid: My father tried to 'audition' to be a part of your research….

Mohinder: Oh yeah, we had some bad ones come through….but that was forever ago….

Kid: Well, I don't like the fact that my dad got shot down….I demand you give him another chance….

Mohinder: Or what?

Kid: ….._You don't want to make another trip to the past…try to fix history again, do you?_

Mohinder (shoots a look): ….that was you?

Kid: Noah Bennet was just a warning…..I can be seconds away from cutting anybody's bloodline….._even yours_…..

Mohinder: Uhh….

Kid: My dad will be by tomorrow….I expect positive results…..

The kid leaves the apartment, the door slowly closes shut….

_To Be Continued…_


	12. Fathers And Daughters

-The Heroes Parody Project-

Warning: There are a few spoilers! Make sure you are completely caught up with the show so…you….won't be spoiled!

Author's note: It's been about a month since the last chapter and I have a new computer now. (The old one officially crapped out because it turned into virus city! All I wanted to do was play some Family Feud...but nooo, my computer just had to bite it) Now that I think about it my computer got messed up around this time last year...it's a Dell conspiracy! Anyway, I'm back with a new comp and ready to churn out more chapters. Let's roll...

Niki: _Heroes_ is copyright of _The National Broadcasting Network, or NBC, or that channel with that bird on it_. It also belongs to its creator, Tim Kring. All characters, powers, locations, ice cream flavors, or whatever…belongs to them. Any similarities from any actual people, living or dead, is completely coincidental. Reader discretion is advised. Now, if you'll excuse me, _I have a Spam sandwich to finish_.

Matt: Spam?....Spam?....Spam from the can?

Niki: Yeah.

Matt: _You can't eat can spam, spam from the can. It's gotta be ham, real ham, not the spam_.

Niki: _What?_

Mohinder: _How about Turkey, it's real good. _

Matt: _Share that turkey, with the neighborhood!_

Claire: _Don't forget bratwurst, and hot links!_

Matt: _Anything else, just plain stinks!_

Peter: _I brought the Pork!_

Matt: _Then grab a fork!_

Mohinder: _What's Elle makin?_

Elle: _Just meat wrapped in Bacon!_

Matt: _Where's the Beef!_

Sandra: _I got the beef!_

Matt: _Lay down the beef, the meat that's tough to beat!_

Niki: ….

Matt: _When I say 'Hillshire' you say 'Farm'…HILLSHIRE!_

Everyone: _FARM!....GO MEAT!_

Niki: ………..

Everyone: ………..

Niki puts down her sandwich, slowly stands up, and walks out the door and into the hallway. She closes the door behind her.

Niki: _AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!_

Matt: YES! I knew it would work!

Matt swipes Niki's _Spam sandwich _and runs into his room. (Door slams!)

Mohinder (stuffing his face): Mmm….so….(gulp)…._Previously on Heroes_……oh, this stuff is heavenly!....

---

Mohinder and friends are running through the prison back in old time Japan, Hiro get mistaken for the now deceased King's identical twin brother. Ando stays behind.

Ando: Don't you think we should go home, Hiro?

Hiro: Not yet!

After several failed attempts, Claire manages to get Sylar proven guilty.

Sylar: So, you think you won….

Claire: Yuppers!

Sylar: I'll get my revenge!

Claire: Whatever!

Some random kid is causing problems.

Matt: He stole my twix, punk!

Mohinder comes home to that same kid.

Kid (eating Twix): My dad tried to be apart of your research, and you blew him off.

Mohinder: Well….he was awful….

Kid: You don't want to make another trip to the past, do you?

Mohinder: That was you?

Kid: _Noah Bennet_ was just a warning. You let my father be a part of your research….or more Bloodlines will be cut…..maybe yours…..

Mohinder: …….

---

Mohinder  
Mohinder's Apartment  
Fast Forwarding Through Tapes Of Previous Episodes of 'The Heroes Parody Project'. The budget won't allow DVD's.

Kid: There! Volume 3, Chapter 1. My father has the amazing ability to _conjure oatmeal_ are you just blew him off.

Mohinder: WHAT!? _The first chapter of Volume 3?! _Like anybody is going to remember that….That was like….four years ago!

Kid: Still!

Mohinder: And it wasn't even shown, we just made a reference to it….that's how bad the power was.

Kid: You accepted the woman who could change her breath with her mind….

Mohinder: It was a bad power, I'll admit, but more practical then oatmeal conjuring.

Kid: My father is on his way to 'audition' and he better pass…..

Mohinder: Oh brother….

Meanwhile, Claire is walking home with something in her hand, she meets up with Elle, who is sitting on the curb.

Claire: ….

Elle: …..oh woe is me…..

Claire: …….huh?

Elle: Woe! Woe! I'm so filled with woe!

Claire: You're full of something, all right…..

Elle: Claire, I have terrible news. I…..

Claire: Hold on, you can talk to this….

She hands Elle a 'Claire Bennett Barbie Doll'.

Elle: What the hell is this?

Claire: It's my custom Barbie! Made just for me….

-_It's Claire Barbie!-_

Girl: It's Claire Barbie! The girl who is indestructible!

_-Push Her Off A Building!_-

Girl: EW! I just pulled off her arm! I'll just put it back!

-_Throw her in front of a bus!-_

Girl: (With Sandra Doll): Claire, how was your day? (Claire): I walked through fire and didn't get burned! (Lyle Doll): You're so weird!

-_Make her sit through a live taping of The View!-_

Barbara: BAWK!

Elizabeth: BAWK BAWK!

Whoopi: BAAAAWK!

All: BAWK!BAWK!BAWK!BAWK!BAWK!BAWK!BAWK!

The Claire Doll melts in the audience.

Claire: YEAH! So have fun…..

Claire dumps the doll and runs inside.

_Sylar  
Prison Cell  
If anything can hold Sylar, it's a prison cell...._

Sylar grumbles to himself as he makes a home-made bow and arrow. He aims it and shoots an arrow as it lands in the middle of Claire's forehead. Which just turns out to just be a picture of Claire holding her hands up as if she's blocking something.

Sylar: Don't ask how I got a picture of that.....

Sylar yanks the arrow out of the Claire picture and heads back to his bed.

Sylar: Stupid Claire....think she can just lock me up in here after all that's happened. I will get my revenge.

Sylar lies down and scratches another tally mark in the wall, come to find out there are _a lot_ of tally marks in the wall...even though Sylar has only been imprisoned for 15 minutes.

Sylar: This....will be my greatest achievement.....

He gets back up and walks across the floor that reads:

_CHAPTER 12: FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS_

Sylar: I'm breaking out soon, Claire....and I'm coming for you.

He lifts his finger in front of a new picture of Claire posing with the top of her head missing.

Sylar: I really would like to know how I ended up with these....

---Hey boys and girls, it's the newest dance craze! Let's do..._The Eclipse_!....Not catching on....ah forget it......_Heroes---_

Meanwhile, back in the Bennett house...Claire comes running in...right before we cut to that pointless Sylar scene...

Sylar: HEY!

Claire: Great news! Great news! I won a cruise trip! It's a part of the father-daughter cruise vacation and I get to take my dad with me. So yay!

In the room, _Noah AND Nathan were having a chat_.

Noah: That's wonderful, Claire.

Nathan: Yeah….I love cruises…

Noah and Nathan stop….and exchange looks.

Claire: Oh crap….

Elle comes in, who has bad news.

Elle: I have bad news, I may be leaving the house….

Noah: Really?!....

Elle: My dad, Bob, is coming over tomorrow to evaluate my lifestyle here at the Bennett home. And if he doesn't approve, he's making me move to Egypt with him…..

Nathan (whispering to Noah): _I thought Bob was dead!_

Noah (whispering): _You're not really in a position to point out inconsistencies. _

Nathan (whispering): _Good point._

Elle: What ever is a girl to do?!

Noah: So….if Bob comes and the house is a wreck…you'll have to go away.

Elle: Yes!

Noah: From here?

Elle: Yes!

Noah: F…F….F….._Forever!?_

Elle: Yes!

Noah: Excuse me…..

Noah leaves the room. He runs into Peter (apparently nobody has left), playing on his Nintendo DS.

Peter: Oh, _Professor Layton_, you are such a puzzle solving genius….

-Game-

Professor Layton: Good Gravy….It looks like we have a murder on our hands.

Cop: Yes, Mr. Smith was going out for a run when someone hit him with their car, got out, stabbed him, played jump rope with his intestines, and left their calling card: A Target shopping bag!

Professor Layton: This is a mystery indeed….I know! Let's solve a puzzle!

Cop: What?

Layton: Apprentice!

Luke: Yes, Professor!

Layton: _If a train departing from Chicago at 8:45 am and is heading to Tokyo as a speed of 5 miles per hour, how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?_

Cop: What the (bleep) are you two talking about!?

Noah: PETER!

Peter: Yes!

Noah: I have a request….

Peter: I love requests!

Noah: How would you….

Peter: Yes…..

Noah: ….like to have….

Peter: YES!

Noah: …your own personal house party?

Peter: GASP! For me?

Noah: Yes…..You may have a party here….but I pick the guests.

Peter: Sounds fair.

Noah: Now….who is that one guy….he screws stuff up all the time?

Peter: _Matt Parkman?_

Noah: Yes…..and the woman he lives with…who is very destructible.

Peter: _Niki Sanders?_

Noah: Yes, invite those two over. I'll order you guys pizzas, have fun.

Peter: I knew sticking around here would pay off!

Back at Mohinder's….

Mohinder walks into Niki's bedroom.

Niki: What's up?

Mohinder: Oh man, I've been interviewing this psycho kid's dad to be used in my researched but he has horrible powers and if I don't accept him the kid will destroy the fabric of time and space and erase our existence.

Niki: That sucks.

Mohinder: It was the guy who would conjure oatmeal.

Niki: _From Volume 3?!_ Who the hell remembers that!?

Mohinder: That's what I said!

Niki: What's up with Matt? He looks down lately.

Mohinder: I think we forgot _his birthday_.

Niki: Oh, is that all…..I'm still not forgiving him on what he did the other day…

---  
A few days ago.

Mohinder: Hey, Niki, what are you watching?

Niki: Well, I've been going through some old things and I found my wedding video.

Mohinder: That's cool…..

Matt: Hey, what's going on?

Niki: I'm watching my wedding video!

Matt: Uh!.....I know….let's go out and do something!

Niki: What's your problem?

Matt: I bought '_Coraline'_….anybody down for watching that? We should stop watching this and go watch something else….

Mohinder: What are you talking about, Matt? Settle down….

Matt: Uh….

---Video---

Priest: Do you, D.L, take this woman, to be your lawful wedded wife….and so forth?

D.L: I do.

Priest: And do you, Nicole, take D.L….for the same thing?

Niki: I do.

Priest: By the power invested in me, in the state of Nebraska…._inside of this Dairy Queen_…

Niki and D.L clink their Blizzard Cups together.

I now pronounce you man and…..

_Rick Astley's music video pops up._

Rick Astley: _Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down, Never gonna run around and desert you…_

Niki: _You Rick Rolled my wedding video?!?!_

Matt: It was an accident!

Niki: I'LL KILL YOU!

---

Niki: He should be lucky I didn't kill him….jerk.

Mohinder: Well, we should do something anyway.

Niki: Ugh….I guess.

The two of them walk into the living room, where Matt is sitting on the couch.

Niki: So…I guess it's your birthday and stuff…..so….Happy Birthday….or whatever.

Matt: My birthday was over a month ago, but thanks anyway.

Niki: -Sigh-….Come on, let us get you something.

Matt: Really?

Niki: Really.

Matt: Really, Really?

Niki: Really, Really.

Matt: Really, Really, Really?

Niki UGH! Really, Really, Really!

Matt: Really, Really, Really, Really, Re…

Niki: SHUT UP!

Matt: Okay.

Niki: So, just pick anything you want….we won't disappoint.

She sits down next to Matt on the couch, (SQUISH)

Niki: What was that?!

Matt: _You sat on my Birthday Cake!_

Niki: _Who puts a birthday cake on the couch?_

Matt: We were watching '_Rocko's Modern Life_'.

Mohinder: _Has that cake been sitting there since last month!?_ Because that's kinda gross….

Niki: Actually….Matt?

Matt: Yes?

Niki: Where there candles on that cake?

Matt: We didn't have any, so I had to use _industrial strength _toothpicks.

Niki: Aaaand…..how old are you?

Matt: _43_.

Niki: Okay…..Mohinder?

Mohinder: _Hospital_?

Niki: Yeah…

Mohinder: I'll get your coat.

Back at Casa Bennett....

Nathan closes the door behind Noah as they go into his office.

Nathan: We seem to have a problem here.

Noah: Yes....yes we do.

Nathan: Claire has this opportunity to go on this wonderful cruise...

Noah: Yes.

Nathan: And she can only take her dad....

Noah: I know where this is going, and I can't help but to feel I've had this conversation before. Yes, we both know you are her biological father....but I took car of her...so I win!

Nathan: We need to reach a compromise.

Noah: I agree.

Nathan sits down and thinks for a moment.

Noah: Why are you so obsessed with winning? _You can fly!_ You can go on a boat whenever you want!

Nathan: Just because I can fly doesn't make me rich! I'll still need a place to stay...and eat! We can't forget about that.

Noah: ….....

Nathan: …...

Noah: …..We can hold a competition to see who knows the most about Claire....the winner can go on the trip.

Nathan: I like it.....

At the hospital...

Niki: Well, I'm glad that traumatic experience is over. And I can't sit down on any solid surfaces for 4 days...but that's all behind me now.

Matt: Literally! HAHAHAHA....

Niki punches Matt in the stomach.

Matt: OOF!

Niki: Now what?

Matt's phone rings.

Matt (on phone): _You've reached Matt Parkman's bruised insides...Matt speaking_.

Peter: Hi, Matt, it's Peter!

Matt: Well, hey buddy, what's happenin?

Peter: I'm holding a party, and I want you and Niki here to....well....party?

Matt: What's the occasion?

Peter: Something about an elaborate ruse to trick Elle's father into thinking she lives in a total mess hole so she'll be shipped off to Egypt.

Matt: Oh, it's that time of year again....let me check. (Lowers phone) Nik?

Niki: What?

Matt: You want to go to a party so Elle can get kicked out of the Bennett house.

Niki: Will there be food?

Matt (back on phone): Will there be food?

Peter: Yes! Pizza!

Matt (back to Niki): There will be Pizza.

Niki: What kind?

Matt (to Peter): What kind?

Peter: What kind does she like?

Matt (to Niki): What do you like?

Niki: Can I get a combination of Pepperoni and Sausage?

Matt (to Peter): What she said...

Peter: Sure?

Matt (to Niki): Probably.

Niki: Ok, I'll tag along.

Matt: Ok, then we'll be there at 6.

Mohinder: Well, I can't come along. I'm sure I have to do more work with that insufferable kid so he won't kill all of us.

Matt: I don't recall him inviting you. But have fun saving us anyways.

Mohinder: Hmph!

Meanwhile...

Elle (on the phone with her dad, BOB): Hi daddy......it's me.....your daughter....Elle.....the pretty one....anyway, about this trip of yours.....is there anyway....just throwing this out there....that you could postpone the trip......how long?.....um.....forever?........No?......But, daddy, I don't want to go to Egypt....I want to stay here with the Bennett's. Okay.....fine! Mr. B will vouch for me.....he loves my company....

She drops the phone and walks off. Noah sneaks down the stairs and picks it up.

Noah (in a squeaky voice): Hi daddy....it's me....Elle.....again.....I changed my mind, it would be great if you could stop by...._but don't come too early_. We'll still be cleaning up all of the beer bottles and....trash....and.....farm animals?

Lyle: _Farm animals?_

Noah: Shh!

Bob: _Noah, if that's supposed to sound like my daughter, don't quit your day job._

Noah: I thought it was pretty good....

Lyle rolls his eyes.

Noah: What do you want?

Lyle: I'm supposed to quiz you and Nathan on Claire for a stupid boat trip.

Noah: Oh, yeah.....Gotta go, Bob. (Hangs up).

Later...

Lyle: This is so stupid. Why do I have to do this?

Muggles walks by with a '_Round One'_ sign tied to him.

Sandra: Would you rather be the '_Round Girl_'?

Lyle: Host is fine.

Nathan and Noah hold on to their buzzers.

Lyle: We will have two rounds of this....a lightning round....and the winner gets to go on a boat with Claire.

Claire (inside a clear box): Uh....I don't think this box has holes in it (tap) (tap).....

Lyle: Nathan, you have the board....

Nathan: I'll take '_Potent Powers'_ for $1000, Lyle.

Lyle: Whatever.....(reads) How many times has Claire lost an appendage?

Nathan and Noah gasp as they're about to press their buzzers.....but stop.

Noah: How the hell are we supposed to know that?!

Nathan: Let's see....she stuck her hand down the garbage disposal....

Noah: She chopped her toe off.

Lyle: Can't you people think to yourselves....no teamwork!

Nathan: This is a tough one.....

Noah: _Lifeline_?

Lyle: Wrong game show.

Nathan: _Mobile shout-out_?

Lyle: Wrong game show!

Peter: _WHAMMY!_

Lyle: This is going to take all day....

Mohinder is back at the apartment watching Kyle's dad create oatmeal out of thin air.

Mohinder: Nope....I don't think there is a power more worthless than this one.

Quaker Oats: _You're telling me! I have a family to feed! _He's going to put me out of business, I tell you!

Mohinder: Quiet, you.....

Mohinder walks over while Kyle isn't paying attention. He picks up the phone and dials a number.

Matt (answering his cell while they drive over to the Bennet's): Hellooooo?

Mohinder: Matt! I'm in serious trouble. I need your power to get me out of this.

Matt: But Mohinder....come on, man....a party...it's...a....party.

Mohinder: Matt, please! You can use your mental power on him. You made Sylar believe he was Nathan....maybe you can make this kid think he's...._Richie Rich or something_....please! I'm so bored I'm going to throw up!

Matt: Now he knows how we feel....

Mohinder: _I HEARD THAT!_....Please, Matt, help me out of this....

Matt: Well, for you Mohinder I....

Niki: Look, Peter got farm animals!

Matt: _You're on your own pal!_

Matt tosses his cell phone out the window.

Mohinder: _DAMMIT!_

Kyle: What are you doing?

Mohinder: Uh....._not calling for help?_

Kyle: Liar! I'll show you who you are should...who....uh...

Mohinder: Want to try that again?

Kyle: Yes.

Mohinder: TAKE 2!

Kyle: Watch my power!

Mohinder: I already know what it is! You don't have to keep threatening me!

Kyle: But it's fun.

Kyle disappears for a moment, and then returns.

Kyle: There you go...._no more Hiro_.

Mohinder: You erased Hiro's existence?

Kyle: Yes.

Mohinder: …..what has he been doing anyway....hmm.....Nothing's changed.

Kyle: Well, since _the cheerleader wasn't saved, neither will the world_.

Mohinder: Shows what you know. It was Peter who saved Claire on that fateful night.

Kyle: ..._and who warned Peter on the subway to go there?_

Mohinder: You're really starting to get on my nerves.

The explosion from Kirby Plaza engulfs the apartment.

Mohinder: OKAY I GET IT!

Kyle resets everything back to normal.

Kyle: Good....now....what are you going to do now?

Mohinder: ….ugh....._Wow, what an amazing ability_...

Kyle: -ahem-

Mohinder: What an …._extraordinary_....ability.....You will be a valuable asset to my research.

Kyle: Awesome, see you tomorrow.

Kyle and his dad take off.

Mohinder: He....made me use.....one of my trademark...._extraordinaries_.....I will get my revenge.....maybe.....

Speaking of people holding a grudge.....Back in Prison....

Sylar is in the mess hall of the prison. He walks up to the lunch lady.

Sylar: Excuse me Miss....there seems to be a strand of hair in my mashed potatoes....

Lunch Lady: _It's called a Garnish_.

Sylar: EW!

The Lunch Lady takes his tray.

Lunch Lady: Here's a new pile.

Sylar: Uh...all you did was plop a new pile on _top of the old pile_....and the hair is still in there.

Lunch Lady: If you can find it, I'll give you a toy.

Sylar: I think I'm going to be sick....._what's the toy?_

Lunch Lady: _More mashed potatoes!_

Sylar: I have to get out of here.....

Guy (next to him): You want out of here?.....

Sylar: No, I just love the sound of my own voice...._of course I do_.

Guy: Meet me over by the water fountain in 10 minutes.

Sylar: Ooookay.....

Bennet's!

Lyle: Okay, we are in the final round of '_Claire-Quiz'_. Nathan and Dad....you both are tied with _negative 5,623._

Nathan: Do we both win?

Lyle: No.....

Nathan: Dammit! I want to go on that boat!

Peter: Bro, I don't see what the big deal is. We went on a cruise last year.

Nathan: I told you not to bring that up again!

---

On the boat:

Peter (dressed as Gilligan): This sure is a bumpy ride, I hope we don't get stranded on an island.

Nathan (in a sequined dress): _Why the hell do I have to be Ginger?!_

Peter: Because Niki declined the role since she's a major spoil sport. Now....uh oh....the weather is about to get rough. Hold on!

_The two coconuts fall out of Nathan's dress and roll away on the boat deck._

Peter: Nathan, seriously man, _you gotta strap those things down_.

Nathan: Tell mom I'll be putting in my two weeks family notice....

---

The doorbell rings as Peter runs over and answers it.

Peter: Hey guys, come on in. The fun is about to start.

Later, Elle walks by her room where Peter, Matt, and Niki are making smores.

Elle: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Peter: Oh it's Elle.....would you care to join us?

Elle: There's a bonfire in the middle of my room!

Peter: Thanks to Niki's superb camping skills.

Niki: Well, I don't mean to brag....

Elle: You're going to burn the house down.....with us in it.....and my dad will drag me off to Egypt for sure!

Matt: Mmmmm.....smores good.....

Niki: The fire is dying down.....

Peter: I'll just add more _alcohol_....

Elle runs out of the room screaming. She halts back in the dining room where Claire is passed out in her air-proof box, Lyle is bored to tears, Sandra and Muggles are asleep, and Nathan and Noah are thumb wrestling.

Elle: YOU!

Noah: Elle, not a good time.

Elle: I have a feeling that you are behind all of this.

Noah: I'd love to continue this little chat....but I really don't care about what your problem is.

Noah and Nathan: _One, Two, Three, Four, I declare a thumb war_......(struggle)

Elle: Peter, Niki, and Matt are about to burn down your house and you couldn't care less? Something smells.....

Noah (covering Nathan's hand): _Help from the audience!_

Nathan: You can't do that, that's cheating!

Lyle collapses on the floor.

Back in Prison....

Sylar: So....what do you want?

Guy: I can talk to animals.

Sylar: BYE!

Sylar walks away.

Guy: They'll never let you out....it's your only way.

Sylar: I guess I have no choice.....What is your plan...?

Guy: I can tell a rat to pick up the guard's key, give it to us....we'll be able to escape.

Sylar: And you can talk to....._any_....animal.

Guy: Yes.

Sylar: Interesting.....come over here to this dark corner.

The next morning......Elle wakes up.....

Elle: Oh man...what happened.....I must have passed out from freaking out so much....

She looks over to see a horse in the living room.

Elle: Oh, not good.

She runs outside to see the front yard trashed with pizza boxes, toilet paper, beer bottles, and the car on fire.

Elle: How the hell did this happen!?..._All they did was make smores!_

A car made out of gold pulls up.

Elle: Oh no.....oh no, no, no, no, no, no......

Bob: _Eleanor Jane Samantha Bullwinkle Bishop!_ What is all of this?

Niki: _That's not her real name, is it?_

Noah shrugs as he watches the ordeal from inside. He eats some popcorn.

Elle: Daddy....it's not what you think! Don't do what I think you're going to do!

Bob: It's for your own good, Elle......something I should have done a long time ago.

Elle: Daddy! NO!!!

Bob pulls out his _King Triton Staff and zaps Elle's statue of Prince Eric_.

Elle drops to her knees and sobs.

Ursula, The Sea Witch: Come see me later, my child......if you get lost, _Floatsam and Jetsam will show you the way._

Ursula's pet Eels flop on the ground....since there's _NO WATER_....

Niki: _That was stupid_! I'm going back to bed......

Bob: Well, enough of that....now, I'm taking you with me to Egypt.

Elle: No, daddy....I'm standing up for what I believe in.....I have a voice....and it will be heard.

Bob: That's nice....time to go.

He pricks Elle with a syringe and she passes out. Bob throws her into the cab and they speed away.

Noah: No words.....just right.....-sigh-.......oh well, back to my other sub-plot.

Nathan: Well, nobody won.....

Claire: That's it....I have had it with you two fighting.

Noah: We were fighting?

Claire: There's only way to make this fair.

Nathan: Send both me and Noah, that way nobody loses..._well, except for you_.

Claire: I'm taking my uncle Peter.

Peter: Sweet!

Nathan: That's bogus.....

Noah: You're grounded for eternity, missy......

Claire: Come on, Peter....let's go.

Peter picks up his bags and leaves.

Nathan: …..

Noah: …...

Nathan: Want me to fly us to the boat and stowaway?

Noah: -sigh.......yeah.....let me get my things....

Back in Prison....

Sylar: Okay....I can talk to animals now......-ahem-......hello......hello?.......

He looks down to find a mouse staring at him.

Sylar: Uh....go get the key?

The mouse takes off running.

Sylar: Hmm.....

A few minutes later, the mouse returns, dragging the prison key behind him.

Sylar: Good thing Claire dumped be in a cell that hasn't heard of _electronic locks_....heheheh.....

Sylar takes the key and unlocks the door, letting himself out.

Sylar: Most excellent....now to wreak some havoc...

He whistles while swinging the keys as he makes his way down the hallway. He shoves the double doors open and walks outside.

_To Be Continued..._

_Next Time:_

Mohinder: I know your secret, and I am going to use your own power against you.

Kyle: …..

Farm animals are charging through the Bennett home.

Sylar: It's showtime....

Niki: Peter just had to get farm animals!

Matt puts his hands on his head, making '_horns', _and headbutts Niki.

Niki: AHH!

Claire: The ship is sinking! We're all going to drown....except me!

Man (next to her): ????

Claire: I mean....because I'm an awesome swimmer?

Man: Way too suspicious....

Ando: What has happened to you, Hiro? You've gone mad with power!

Hiro: I am King of this land....and nobody will stop me.....

Niki: What...what is this?

Jessica: I'm back.....and this time....I'm not going away.....

Niki: You're not going away?

Jessica: EVER!

Niki: Ever?....This....can't be......it's impossible.....

Matt headbutts Niki.

Niki: Ow! _STOP THAT!_

New chapter, coming soon....


	13. Sister, Sinister Sister

-The Heroes Parody Project-

Warning: There are a few spoilers! Make sure you are completely caught up with the show...or at least have some knowledge or what's going on.

Matt: _Heroes_ is copyright of NBC, Tim Kring, and all those other peoples. All characters, locations, powers, and fan mail wondering why they won't bring Caitlin back from the future belongs to them. Any similarities from any characters and actual people, whether they have powers or not...which that would be cool, is completely coincidental. Reader discretion is advised. Why?....We're really not sure...

Rainbow Brite: Matt Parkman, me and the other council members have voted, and we are making you leave _Rainbow Land_.

Matt: WHAT!? Why?....What did I do?

Rainbow Brite: Word has it that you've been spreading awful rumors about us!

Matt: _Isn't what you just said technically a rumor as well?_ Practice what you preach, sister....

Rainbow Brite: Regardless! You are exiled from Rainbow Land, pack your bags, and leave immediately.

Matt: Hmph!....

Matt makes his way through the Rainbowland Cafeteria, he walks over to a table and takes a seat.

Rainbow Brite: HEY! Watch where you're sitting!...

Matt sits on Rainbow Brite as she explodes into _a thousand Skittles_!

Everyone: GASP!

Matt: SEE! I told you that you guys were made of Skittles! But did anybody believe me...nope!

Twink: He killed Rainbow Brite! _OFF WITH HIS HEAD!_

Matt: Uh oh....

Matt hauls out of the Rainbow Land cafeteria, desperately holding onto his tray.

Matt: _Previously on Heroes!...AHHHHHHHHHH!!!_

---

A sinister force has cut the fabric of time, erasing the existence of the Heroes.

Noah disappears. Mohinder, Hiro, Ando and friends go back in time and rescue Noah's great, great, great ,great.....

Mohinder: Who are you?

Kyle: You are going to do what I say. Let my father be the prime subject in your research.

Mohinder: I can't believe someone was actually paying attention to the research I do....amazing!

Ando: I'm staying behind with Hiro.

Hiro is mistaken for the King Of Japan. Ando is concerned that Hiro's royal duties is starting to warp his mind.

Ando: ….and that's it. Maybe we can get some screen time now that the Volume's halfway over....just a suggestion....

Claire (to Sylar): Now that I'm done with you terrorizing my family. You will be locked away in this cell. Now I'm off to bigger and better plots! None that involve you....

Claire: I won a father/daughter cruise vacation.

Lyle: The winner of the 'Claire Quiz' will win the trip. Round 1....

Nathan buzzes!

Noah buzzes!

They're both buzzing round after round....but neither of them get a single question right.

Noah: I'm never going to live this one down.

Claire: I'm taking Peter!

Peter: Woo Hoo!

Earlier...

Elle: My dad....Bob Bishop....he's coming tomorrow morning to evaluate my life here....if he doesn't approve, I'm going to be shipped off to Egypt.

Noah: That's horrible....Peter?

Peter: Yes?

Noah: You know what to do...

Peter: Excellent....

Matt and Niki come over....

Matt: What about our subplot?

Ugh..._Earlier..._(This is starting to turn into _Memento_....)

Mohinder: We missed Matt's birthday.

Niki: So?!

Niki: I'm sorry we missed your birthday, Matt.

Niki sits on Matt's birthday cake with the industrial strength toothpicks. STAB!

Meanwhile, Sylar was in prison.

Guy: I can talk to animals.

Niki sits on Matt's birthday cake with the industrial strength toothpicks. SHOINK!

Niki: Okay, you can stop showing that....

Sylar: Who cares if you can talk to animals?

Sylar gets a mouse to steal the prison cell key.

Sylar: Interesting.

And finally...._as Niki slowly lowers herself into the industrial strength toothpicks, RRRRIP!_

Niki: Why do I even bother....?

---

_Claire and Peter  
The Father or available Uncle because your two dads can't reach a compromise/daughter cruise vacation  
All aboard!_

Claire: This is such a nice vacation.

Peter: You're telling me. Life has been way too stressful lately.

---

Peter is watching _Barney Dinosaur Mysteries!_

Billy: Oh no! Barney! It looks like Baby Bop was murdered.

Barney: Ho! Ho!....It does look like that indeed....it appears she was strangled.

Billy: With what?

Barney: _LOVE!_

Peter: COME ON, BARNEY! Get a clue! There's a rope right there! UGH I HATE THIS SHOW!

---

Claire: Yeah....everyone needs a break sometimes (rolls eyes).....

Ticket Clerk: Tickets, please.

Peter: Don't worry, I got this.

Peter turns to the clerk.

Peter: Hello, my good sir......My name is George Clooney.

Clerk: Huh?

Claire: Peter?

Peter: And this is my wife....(to Claire) who do you want to be?

Claire: Peter, we're not...

Peter: Come on! We're going to get busted!

Claire: ….Scarlet Johansen……you'd think he'd learn that this doesn't work. Except that one time when Elle and The Haitian pretended to be _Seal and Heidi Klum _to stowaway on a train….

Peter: Oooh….Good choice....hmm.....she's just lovely....I'll be her, _you'll be George Clooney._

Claire: WHAT!?

Peter: We've changed our minds. This is my lovely wife, George Clooney....

Claire: Peter! We're not hiding anything. We can just go on the boat.

Peter: Oh.....that was easy.

Claire: We're not stowaways......I mean who would be so lame to try to hitch a ride on a boat?

On the other side of the ship, _Nathan and Noah land right on top of the deck._

Nathan: Man, I've got to stop carrying people....this is killing my back….

Noah: Excellent....we've made it onto the ship.

Nathan: How are we going to convince the clerks that we're not stowaways?

Noah: Do you think they'll buy that we're _George Clooney and Scarlet Johansen?_

Nathan: Um..no.

Noah: Ok....I'll think of something. I'm a Bennett.....and Bennetts always find themselves out of sticky situations.

Guard: STOWAWAYS!

Nathan: Okay '_Bennet'_....find a way out of this.

Noah thinks for a second....and pops a _Mentos in his mouth_.

_Doo Bee Doo Wah!  
It doesn't matter what comes, fresh goes better in life.  
With Mentos, fresh and full of life..._

Noah chunks the Mentos wrapper in the guard's face.

Guard: ….

Noah: ….

Nathan: …._THAT'S IT?! _That's you're awesome plan to break us out of here?

Noah: It sounded better in my head....

Another guard runs up and drags them away.

_Niki and Matt  
The Bennett Home  
Wakey, Wakey, eggs and bacey...and no, there isn't any breakfast, so you'll just have to get up._

Niki: Man, my head hurts....I guess we had a pretty wild night, huh?

The room was destroyed, a goat was eating one of Claire's pillows.

Matt: I could go for some breakfast.....

Niki: Where did Peter run off to?

Later...Niki finishes taking a shower, she steps out into the steam filled room and writes on the bathroom mirror:

_CHAPTER 13: SISTER, SINISTER SISTER_

Niki walks over and creaks the door open to see Niki and Matt still talking in the middle of the room. For it is not Niki in the bathroom, it is Jessica....

Jessica: Oh, the party is just getting started....uh oh....there's no towels......damn.....

---_Let's watch the world rotate, and the eclipse, just for the heck of it....okay, I'm bored....Heroes!---_

_Elle Bishop  
Great Egyptian Pyramid  
Take That, Lara Croft!_

Tour Guide: And this here is one of the ancient hieroglyphic images from long ago. I really don't know what it means....it's my first day.

The tourists take pictures. Elle is playing Diner Dash on her cell phone.

Elle: Come on, Flo! Let's get enough money to guy that coffee machine.....oh, rats!....._My restaurant is infested with rats_.

King Rat: Hey Flo, where's our money?

Flo: Well, business has been kinda slow lately, I didn't match enough customers with their appropriate color coded tables and get my bonus.

King Rat: That's most unfortunate....the Don will not be happy.....okay boys.....let's get to work.

Flo: NOOO!

The rats start busting up the restaurant with baseball bats.

Elle: I can never get past the first level...stupid game.

Tour Guide: Excuse me miss....are you still coming with us?

Elle: Yeah, whatever....Where's the gift shop?

Tour Guide: Back....in the city.

Elle: Okay, well, bye then.

Tour Guide: By orders of your father, you are contractually obligated to remain here for the course of the tour.

Elle: Why? This place is boring.

Tour Guide: I'm just doing my job.

Elle: Oh fine....well, might as well get comfortable.

Elle looks over to find the skeleton of Indiana Jones, she takes his whip and fedora and puts it on.

Elle: It's a perfect fit!

George Lucas fans: _HISSS!_

Elle: Oh please, it's just a story....get over it.....

Back in the Bennett bathroom, Jessica is spinning around trying to _air-dry_, when her phone rings.

Jessica: Hello?

Sylar: Hello, Jessica.

Jessica: Who is this? How do you know my name? How did you get this number?

Sylar: Calm down with the questions, how I got this number is not important. I was hoping we could work together.

Jessica: I work with no one.

Sylar: I'll make it worth your while....

Jessica: And how can you do that?

Sylar: How does _Ninety-Nine Thousand Dollars sound?_

Jessica: That....sounds like a weird offer....Where's One-Hundred thousand?

Sylar: I wanted to keep a thousand for myself.

Jessica: Uh huh....and you have this money just on hand, don't you.....

Sylar: Well, I have won a couple of _'Pet Talent Shows'_. You may have read about it in this month's issue of _Highlights magazine._

Jessica: Whatever. So what do you want?

Sylar: I want you to go on a little trip....I'd do it but it would be too obvious.

Jessica: Go on.

Sylar: Claire Bennett is on a cruise ship....a vacation....I want you to get on board and cause some collateral damage.

Jessica: You want me to sink the boat?

Sylar: Well, I was thinking more along the lines of cutting in front of her at the salad bar....but your idea is good too.

Jessica: I'll think about it.....but I'll want something from you.

Sylar: I have a coupon for one free large pizza at Pizza Hut. Of course I'm in some debt with them due to not paying for my last few meals. So all this will get you is crust with a slice of pepperoni in the middle.

Jessica: I meant something more....villainous.

Sylar: Like?

Jessica: Well, what can you do?

Sylar: I can take people's abilities though I somehow almost always lose them at the beginning of each volume. But for now I can control the minds of animals. Preferably _barnyard animals_.

Jessica: Come to this address.......and bring a towel......

_Mohinder  
The Public Library  
SHHHHHH!_

Mohinder: There has to be some information on this kid. He can't just be a normal kid with abilities......well....extraordinary abilities.....there has to be something more.

Mohinder grabs a couple of books off the shelves and start flipping through some of the pages.

Mohinder: What's this?

He looks at a picture of what appears to be a cave drawing of some sort of Sorcerer with clocks painted around him. Next to him is a man, standing next to his son, standing next to his son, and so forth with a giant _X breaking them off in the middle_.

Mohinder: Hmm, this is getting me somewhere...._Who wrote this book?_

The drawings on the book become _Egyptian Paintings, examined by Elle in the pyramid._

Elle: BORING!

Tour Guide: We can take a break now.

Elle: Finally, my feet grow tired of all this walking.

Tour Guide: We've only taken 10 steps since you've complained about there not being a gift shop.

Elle: Well, if you want to carry me, you're more than welcome to.

Tour Guide: Break over! Moving on....

Elle: Hmph....

Meanwhile, back on the boat.

Claire and Peter are relaxing on the outside deck. Peter is having a drink, while Claire eats some grapes.

Claire: I love this! It's so beautiful out here.

Peter: And the bartender here makes a killer Cosmopolitan.

Claire: That's a V8, dear.....

Peter: Bleh! Vegetables! Gross! (Takes another sip).

Claire stops and looks at the janitor.

Claire: What the?!

Claire gets up and walks over to him.

Claire: Dad?!

Janitor: ….

Claire: DAD!?

Noah the janitor: Oh....hello, Claire Bear....

Claire: What are you doing here?

Noah: Well, business has been kinda slow lately....

King Rat: That's unfortunate, let's rough this place up, boys....

The other rats start wailing on the boat with their baseball bats.

Claire: Business?

Noah: Well, I did get one of my best agents exiled to Egypt. Bad for business, but worth it. So....here I am....part time job....

Nathan: Noah, did you clean up the puke spill next to the....

Claire: …..Nathan?!

Nathan: Uh....hey, Claire.....(laughs nervously)......Aren't you supposed to be in school, young lady?

Claire: _I graduated 12 volumes ago!_ What the hell is going on here!?

Noah: Now, Claire, there is no reason to get upset.....

Claire: You stowed away on this boat and got caught and are being forced to do janitorial services!

Peter: Sweet....I may never get another chance to do this. OOPS! I accidentally spilled my drink. Oh janitor....oh wait...I drank it all already...darn...

Noah: I can't help but to detect a touch of anger in your voice.

Claire: I can't believe this! This is Prom all over again!

---

Claire: Thanks for taking me to the Prom, Bobby.

Bobby: Anytime, Claire, I really like you and stuff.

Claire: I like me too! We have so much in common!

Bobby: Uh....

Noah the DJ: Hey, kids what's happenin? This is DJ B-RoK....Can I play you a hot track off this table here? We're going to party like it's 9:00....._which sounds like someone's bedtime_....._Claire?_......

Claire buries her face in her hands.

---

Meanwhile....

Jessica (who still isn't dry): Hmm....Matt is alone. I guess this might work.....-ahem-......Oh MATT!

Matt: Huh?.....Niki?.....How did you get in the bathroom? I just saw you leave to go to the kitchen.

Jessica: Uh....I changed my mind....thought I would take a shower first.

Matt: Well, for that I thank you.....

Jessica: Hm......anyway, could you get me a towel?

Matt: There's one under the sink.

Jessica: What the.....whatever, thanks.

Jessica grabs the towel and walks out of the room.

Matt: Oh good, you're out of there.

Matt goes into the bathroom.

Matt: Hey, _who wrote the Chapter Title into the mirror?_ That's not really the name I would've gone with...

Jessica heads downstairs now dressed, she spots Niki cooking something, since her and Matt pretty much have taken over the Bennett house and nobody has noticed. She also spots Sylar in the driveway with a Mountain Lion sitting next to him. Niki is cooking something in the pot when she _sees her reflection in the stainless steel_.

Niki: Oh, no! Not you again!

She realizes that her mouth matches her words....

Niki: Oh....just my imagination.....

She looks back at the reflection.

Jessica: We're you expecting someone?

Niki: Oh, no!.....Wait....she's gone now....for good.....I forgot how we did that exactly....but I'm not worried about it.

She picks up the pot and turns around to find Jessica. Niki drops the pot.

Niki: This can't be......

Jessica: Um....there's nothing in that pot.....weren't you cooking?

Niki: I was making pretend food. It's Matt's favorite.

Jessica: Well, since I'm here anyway.

Jessica punches Niki in the face. Niki grabs a nearby frying pan and bashes it over Jessica's head. Niki runs up the stairs.

Niki: Matt! Matt! We've got trouble! Get up....

She stops in the doorway to see Matt, who has fallen back asleep, and with _the mountain lion inches away from his face_.

Niki: Oh boy......

Jessica comes up behind her and grabs her hair, she hauls her over to the end of the hallway where she picks her up and _hurls her through the window_.

Niki: Well…at least that wasn't as bad as the toothpicks….

Meanwhile, let's check on Ando and Hiro in Japan, since we've hardly bothered to see what they've been up to.

Hiro is ordering his servants around. Ando is sitting next to him.

Ando: Hiro, I think it's time we should be going.

Hiro: Nonsense! I am King of this land.....and all will do my bidding!

Ando: Okay, I think you've taken this too far.

Ando reaches for his hand, Hiro backs away and pulls out a knife.

Ando: GAH!

Hiro: You dare assault the King?

Ando: Hiro, what the hell is wrong with you?!

Hiro: Guards! Take this traitor away.

Ando: Away!?....In a prison?.....You know how much I hate those! Think of all the times we've been imprisoned on this show….we're only second to Micah and Molly!

Hiro: I will decide your fate soon....but in the meantime you can rot in the cell.

Ando: This is bad....real bad.....

Back at Bennett home....Niki and Matt are racing down the hallway, being chased by an army of barnyard animals.

Niki: The attic!

They stop as Niki jumps up and grabs onto the string, a wooden staircase lowers as they scramble up the stairs. The barrage of animals break through the steps as Matt is making his way up, he slips and hangs on the ledge.

Matt: ACK!

Niki: Oh, good going! Now I have to pull you up!

Matt: Hurry, there's a menacing bull right behind me, with very pointy horns. I don't wanna get stabbed!

Niki: Hold on, I'll find something!

A little devil pops up on Niki's shoulder.

Devil Niki: Niki Sanders! What are you doing!? That buffoon needs to learn not to be so stupid! Have you forgotten that you can't sit down for 3 days because of his industrial toothpicks? Get some revenge! Savor the moment.

Niki: Hmm....

Angel Niki: I'd push him off!

Niki: I don't know who is more evil.....

Matt: AHH! OOF! That stings!

Niki sighs and grabs on to Matt's hands and pulls him up.

Matt: Whew.....that was close.

Niki: Jessica's back.....and in reality this time.

Matt: Did you say she threw you threw a window?

Niki: Yes….

Matt: It sucks…doesn't it?

Niki: It's not pleasant.

Matt: How did this happen, anyway?

Niki: I don't know.....but I know someone who will....

In the library, Mohinder has fallen asleep. He jerks up to the sound of his cell phone.

Mohinder: WHA!....ugh......hmm.....(Answers) H...h....hello?

Niki: Mohinder! It's Niki....we're in some trouble....do you know anybody....anybody that isn't you....who can help us?

Mohinder: Yeah, I can make some....wait a minute! You two morons ditched me when I needed help! Why should I help you?

Niki: We told you....we were invited to a party!

Mohinder: Well, I've got my own problems....in fact.....I think I've solved this mystery.....

Niki: Well come help us and we'll help you.

Mohinder: Fine, where are you?

Niki: Matt and I are stuck in The Bennett's attic and possessed barnyard animals are wreaking havoc through the house, oh and they're controlled by Sylar who is working with Jessica who exists now.

Mohinder: ….............okay then.....

Later, Jessica is on a jet ski, she's soaring through the ocean. While on a headset…

Sylar (on speaker): You are a few minutes away from the ship. Just get on there, plant the explosives, and get out of there.

Jessica: What is the point of this if Claire can't die?

Sylar: Um…..she'll be stuck in the ocean…..imprisoned….how I was.

Jessica: I can just kidnap her, take her back to you, and you can steal her power.

Sylar: Hmm….I like that too.

Jessica: It'll cost you more though…

Sylar: It will?

Jessica: _Five Hundred Thousand Dollars_.

Sylar: Oh geez….fine, let me go enroll in some more Pet Talent Tournaments.

Sylar hangs up, he's surrounded by Lemurs.

Sylar: Okay, gang, I've made you all watch _Madagascar_. I want you to dance just like that and make me some money.

The Lemurs look at each other.

Ando is back in his cell, Hiro comes running up.

Hiro: Ando! You have to help me!

Ando: Hiro, it's you! What is going on?

Hiro: After the explosion from all the fighting in the castle I found the King dead. The King looks just like me, but when I wear this crown it's doing something to me. It's turning me into a _villain_! You know how much I don't like those!

Ando: Break me out of here! Then we can leave!

Hiro: …._on second thought._

Ando: Uh oh….

Hiro: _For trying to assault The King, I sentence you, Ando…TO DEATH!_

Ando: Well, that's not good….

Back on the boat, Jessica finishes planting the explosives.

Jessica: Mission accomplished.

She heads up some stairs and hops back down to her jet ski. She drives off.

Claire is standing on the railing next to Peter, Nathan, and Noah.

Claire: So, they didn't throw you overboard yet.

Noah: No….

Claire: Well, I guess this trip didn't turn out so bad….

Peter: We're on the front of the boat….you know what that means?

Nathan: Peter, no.

Peter: Come on!

Claire: What's he talking about?

Nathan: It was before your time….

Claire: If you're referring to _Titanic_, I was alive then _AND _am aware of that reference. How old do you think I am?

Nathan: Uh….

Claire: No wonder you failed the quiz show back at home….

Nathan: I don't see Noah chiming in with an answer.

Noah: Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.

Claire: Nice!

Noah: I was looking at that menacing woman on the jet ski. It looks like Niki Sanders…

Claire: It does.

Noah: But that's odd. I told Peter to hire her and Matt to destroy the house to get Elle evicted….wait….(To Peter)…Did they leave?!

Peter: Uh…I don't know. One minute I was partying, the next I get the offer to go on the cruise. I just left them. I would assume they knew where the door was.

Noah: Hmm….She's just staring at us, like she's waiting…..

Nathan: For what I wonder….

And explosion goes off and a huge portion of the ship obliterates into millions of pieces.

People: AHHHHHH!

Claire: What in the world!?

Noah: That was a bomb!

Peter: It's a good thing that woman on the Jet Ski wasn't on the boat. She'd be caught up in all this.

Claire, Nathan, and Noah look at Peter.

Nathan: You dolt! That woman planted the bomb!

Peter: I think you're jumping to conclusions…

Noah: Either way, we're sinking.

Peter: Everyone, hop on! We'll take to the skies via _Air-Petrelli!_ (Attempts to climb on Nathan)

Nathan: _ACK! _Get off me! I can't carry all three of you. I could barely carry Noah.

Claire: This is bad…..We're going to drown out here….well, I won't because….

Peter: We get it…._You're a cheerleader_…

Claire slaps her forehead.

Peter: Better idea! Since Claire can't drown….I say we use her as a _human raft!_

Noah: Good idea.

Nathan: I'm down for that.

Peter: I agree!

Claire: Uh…NO! We'll all sink anyway (To Nathan) _You can fly_......and I'm just not going to do it!

Peter: Not a team player…at all.

Claire: UGH!

Noah: We have to think of something fast!

The ship starts tilting over. Peter, Claire, Nathan, and Noah start sliding down the deck into the water.

Noah: Okay, we can figure something out.

Nathan: I can't fly with all these people around…we'll have to swim for the shore.

Peter: This way!.....AHH!

Noah: What is it?

Peter: Leg cramp!....Stomach cramp!....Butt cramp!.......I'm going down….(Sinks)…._Blub! Blub! Blub!_

Jessica swings by with her jet ski.

Jessica: Hi folks!

Noah: Niki! Why are you here? How damaged is my house?

Jessica: Niki is a little preoccupied at the moment.

Noah: Uh oh….

Jessica reaches over and does a 'Sleeper Pinch' on Claire. She grabs her and pulls her on the ski.

Noah: HEY! You let her go.

Noah pulls out his gun but it's water logged.

Noah: Damn, where did I put those _Mentos_?!

Nathan: Ok, we'll come after you if we don't drown out here.

Jessica: I'm looking forward to it….

She drives off, leaving Nathan, Noah, and Peter in the middle of the sea. (There's a ton of other people there too, but the story doesn't involve them).

Mohinder arrives at the Bennett home.

Mohinder: Hello…..Guys?......

He walks inside, the place is a wreck.

Mohinder: What is going on here?

There is a flashing light on the answering machine.

Mohinder: Well, I guess there's no reason why I shouldn't push this.

-BEEP-

Sylar: Mohinder! I'm so glad you made it?

Mohinder: How did he know I was here?

Sylar: Anyway, I figured you would come and rescue your friends.

Mohinder: The word '_friends'_ is kinda pushing it….

Sylar: I prepared a little party game for you….enjoy! I'm off to win more money at the 'Pet Talent Show'.

Sylar spots the Mountain Lion in the Dining Room.

Mohinder: Uhhh….Help! Someone……Lyle?.....Sandra?...._Muggles?_

Mohinder backs up to a corner, where a _boa constrictor _swings down and wraps itself around Mohinder's neck. It starts to slowly lift him off the ground.

Mohinder: Urrk….ugh…-wheeze-…..

Matt and Niki run in.

Niki: Good grief! That snake is going to break Mohinder's neck!

Matt: No they won't….I planned ahead.

Niki: Huh?

Matt: I gave an anonymous tip to _Noah's debt collectors_.

King Rat: Okay, boys….let's clean this place out.

The snake drops Mohinder and goes after the rats.

The rats scream and run out.

Niki: WHATEVER…..anyway, come on, let's get out of here…

Sylar: Not…so…fast.

They turn to see Sylar holding a giant trophy and surrounded by Lemurs.

Niki: What the hell is this?!

Sylar: Nobody is going anywhere…..

Niki, Matt, Mohinder: ………

Ando is sitting in prison…

Nathan, Noah, and Peter are suck in the middle of the ocean…

Claire is unconscious, on the back of Jessica's jet ski.

Sylar has Matt, Niki, and Mohinder cornered.

Elsewhere, Micah gets off his bike, he's carrying a box with him. He knocks on a door, which is opened by_ Kyle._

Kyle: Hey, Micah.

Micah: Hey, Kyle. I'm glad you're back in class and I have my science project partner back. The _Micro-Radiation-Nano-Proton-Wave I was making with Molly didn't work out at all._

Kyle: It just had some kinks in it. Come on in….we'll get it working properly.

Micah goes inside….Kyle shuts the door.

_To Be Continued…_


	14. Break The Cycle

-The Heroes Parody Project-

Warning: There are a few spoilers! Make sure you are completely caught up with the show...or at least have some knowledge of what is happening with the show currently.

Noah: _Heroes_ is copyright NBC, Tim Kring, and the rest. All powers, characters, and Nathan's Oreo Cookie beard from Season 2 belongs to them. Any similarities from any characters and actual people, living or dead, is completely coincidental. Reader Discretion is advised. And _WHAT THE HELL IS TOUCHING MY LEG?!_

Nathan: I have a feeling it's a moron.

A shark fin swims around them.

Noah: Is that…?

Nathan: Peter with a shark fin? I would assume so.

A snorkel tube bumps into Nathan.

Nathan: Oh wait, here he is…..

Nathan places his thumb over the snorkel tube.

Peter: FLEH! ACK!....Hey, what gives!

Nathan: What? I can't have a little fun sometimes…wait a minute….

The shark fin continues to swim around them.

Nathan: Uh….UH…….We got a problem here…..

Peter: This makes me want to reminisce….._Previously on Heroes_….

Nathan: Good transition there….

---

Micah: So I need some help with my science project. It's a device that uses deadly amounts of radiation to reduce cooking times comparable to most household ovens and microwaves.

Mohinder: Uh…

Angela: Noah Bennett is dead, an ancestor of his was killed in the past which altered history dramatically.

Hiro: Somehow, that machine of Micah's prevented you all being reset through time. So we have to go back into the past and save Noah's great, great, great, great, great….

Angela: But there is a rift through the time-space continuum, and if any of you run into your other present selves, the universe will be destroyed.

Mohinder: I really hate these _Time Plots_. They give me such a headache….

Mohinder (To Kyle): You are the one going back through time and cutting people's bloodlines?! That's so rude!

Kyle: And you will do what I say….or more people will die.

Mohinder: ….

Claire (to Sylar): You're in prison, I put you in there, all is good.

Sylar breaks out via animal mind control.

Niki turns around to see Jessica.

Niki: This can't be…..how are you here? I swear if this is another _Alternative_ sub-plot I'm just going to scream.

Sylar (to Jessica): We can work together….it will be fun.

Jessica blows up the father/daughter cruise ship and kidnaps Claire. Leaving Peter, Nathan, and Noah in the ocean.

Bob Bishop: Elle, you're coming with me to Egypt.

Elle: Ah nuts!

Elle is walking through one of the pyramids and one of the paintings on the wall resemble images from a book that Mohinder was reading.

Mohinder: Seriously, _who wrote this?_

Mohinder arrives at the Bennett's where he is trapped with Matt and Niki. Sylar is about to unleash some animals.

---

_Ando  
Old Time Japan Town Square  
This probably isn't going to end well…_

A group of people are gathering around the town square.

Hiro: Ando Masahashi, for disloyalty to the royal king, which is me, including assault on me, the royal king. This heinous offense will not be forgotten. Your penalty will be death!

Ando (head in a Guillotine): Uh…Hiro, I think you are overreacting _just a little_.

Hiro: Off with his head!

Ando: Was this because I killed you with my red lightning power in a _future sequence_. Come on! You know those _never come true!_

Hiro: Any last requests?

Ando: Uh…_set me free?_

Hiro: Other than that!

Ando: I guess not….._I hope Matt Parkman ends up being your partner next time!_

Hiro: Execute now!

A flock of birds swarm away from the scene. Alarms start going off.

Hiro: What is that?

Guard: We might be under attack, come with us, sire…..

The guards escort Hiro back into the castle. People are running around frantically. Outside, Reginald Bennett _cups his hands in the river and splashes some water on his face._

Peter: WAIT A MINUTE!

Nathan: Peter, what are you doing?

Peter: I have a complaint!

Nathan: What?

Peter: Just now! Reginald just cupped his hands through the water, which was depicted in my drawing..._and my drawings only depict the future_. But that's in the past! What's up with that?!

Nathan: Stop breaking the fourth wall and pointing out inconsistencies and get back in here!

Peter: Okay….

Peter gets back into the _kiddie pool in front of a green screen with Nathan and Noah_.

Peter: Okay, _Action!_

Peter, Nathan, and Noah start splashing through the water.

Noah: _SAVE US!_

Peter: _WE CAN'T SWIM!_

Nathan: This is embarrassing…

Reginald gets his catapult ready, he aims toward the castle.

Hiro (walking down the hall, to Guards): Give me a minute….

Hiro walks into the room.

Guard: I just got the notice, but some prisoners escaped from their cell. We have to get to them.

Other Guard: Do you think the king will be okay?

Guard: Yeah, we'll be gone for just a minute.

A boulder from Reginald's boulder slams into the castle, a giant piece of debris falls on Hiro.

Down the hall, _Mohinder_ who is powered up, Hiro (the non-king), Ando, Angela, Micah and Molly are making their way down the hallway. Something catches Hiro's eye.

Hiro: Is this….The King?

He bends down to get a closer look at the King of the castle…._who looks just like Hiro._

Hiro: AHH!....What….what is this?......

Some guards run in.

Guard 1: Oh no! The king is dead!

Guard 2: Who is this ruffian?

Guard 1: That's strange….he looks just like the king.

Hiro: I didn't kill him! Honest!

Guard 2: He must be the King's _identical twin brother_!

Hiro: Oh no….I'm pretty sure we're not related…..

Guard 1: I guess _this man will have to take over the throne_.

Hiro: Th…th…._throne_.

Guard 2: Let's get him!

Guard 1 knocks out Hiro and drags him away.

---_Rotate, Eclipse, Lather, Rinse, Repeat, Heroes!---_

We see that vast endless ocean, not a drop of land in sight. The only thing is some menacing floating letters in the water spelling out:

_CHAPTER 14: BREAK THE CYCLE_

Nathan is floating underwater, his eyes are closed. All hope is lost. There is nobody around to save them. Nathan opens his eyes to find a hand feeling around in front of him. The hand feels around on his face, and pokes him in the eye.

Nathan: URF!

The hand grabs Nathan by the back of his shirt and pulls him out of the water. Nathan looks down below to find himself being pulled upward. He gets thrown into what appears to be a helicopter.

Nathan: We're saved!

Nathan looks over to see _Angela_ glaring at him.

Nathan: Oh man….I think I'm going to jump back in….

_Micah and Kyle  
Kyle's House  
1223 Evil Blvd (Okay that was lame)_

Kyle and Micah were working away on their project.

Micah: I'm sure am glad I have you to help me with this.

Kyle: No problem….what have you found out?

Micah: It was the strangest thing….we were expecting it to cook something fast….but something else happened?

Kyle: What happened?

Micah: Um….you probably wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Kyle: You never know…..I may know more than you think…

Micah: Uh huh……

_Claire Bennett  
Someplace Dark  
We really need to cut down on people getting imprisoned…_

Claire wakes up in a cell, being watched by Jessica, Sylar shows up.

Jessica: What did you do with those fools at the house?

Sylar: Well, this is more important. So I just unleashed some animals to finish to job and rushed over here.

Claire: Well, I have a pretty good feeling of where I am…

Sylar: That's right!

Claire: So, how did you get Jessica to work with you? She works with noone. Better yet, how is she even here? I know Niki's still at my house and they both can't exist at the same time. And we're through with that _alternative_ mess.

Sylar: In due time, my dear….I due time…..all of the answers will be revealed.

Claire: You don't know either.

Sylar: No I don't…..but I will find out. While you rot in this cell…hee hee…..revenge is a lot like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

Claire: That doesn't make any sense.

Sylar: _You don't make any sense!_

Claire: Real mature.

Sylar: I know you are, but what am I?

Claire: ….an idiot?

Sylar: I'm rubber, you're glue…

Claire: This is going to get old _real fast_…

Nathan: Okay, I'll play along….how did you know we were out here? And if you lame out and say _you watched last week's episode_, I swear I'll jump!

Angela: I know more than you think, Nathan. It's just that nobody pays attention to me. It's very rude and un-son like.

Nathan: Allright, already! We're paying attention. What's going on?

Angela: Well, after our misadventures through the past, everything was supposedly back to normal. The present couldn't be more messed up!

Peter: I don't know, I WAS married to Elle…..

Nathan: How did you….nevermind…(Back to Angela)….How did you know we were here for the fifth time?

Angela: The only person who could find you out here…

Nathan: Oh right, that makes sense….

Peter: _Mr. Muggles!_

Nathan and Noah both slap Peter in the back of the head.

Peter: OW!...

Angela: I was trying to get a hold of you but nobody answered the phone. Ando is still stuck in the past with Hiro. Mohinder is in his stupid plot…

Mohinder, Matt, and Niki are being chased through the Bennett house by the Mountain Lion.

Angela: ….and Micah went back home to work on his stupid science project. That meant Molly was nice enough to stay with me….

Nathan: Did you force her against her will to look at your vacation photos to _Dollywood_?

Angela: Of course not!

Angela stuffs her _'photos' _further down in her purse.

Angela: So anyway, I'm here because we have to get back to the past. I had my top men look into this….

Nathan: The guy at _Starbucks_…

Angela: Dammit Nathan! Go sit in the corner, _you're in time out!_

Nathan: HELLO! It's a Helicopter, there's no room to move.

Angela: Anyway, we messed up real bad when we went back in the past to save Noah's great, great, great, great….

Noah: What are you talking about?

Angela: The past is stuck in a time loop….

Nathan: Ugh, I hate those….

Angela: It starts with us going back to the past, we get thrown in prison, Mohinder finds a way back into the present, comes back with super powers, breaks up free, we save Reginald who destroys the castle, killing the king, and Hiro who is there at the time gets mistaken for the King's identical twin brother. He takes over as King of Japan and has Ando assassinated. Then the loop starts over. Every time the loop resets the present here gets _duplicate copies of us._ What we need to do is go back _further_. Save Reginald _AND_ the original King….Because history has it that Reginald wasn't supposed to die until The King has him assassinated.

Noah: So, he dies anyway? What's the point?

Angela: He dies, but later…after he's already given birth to his son, that way the bloodline remains intact.

Nathan: I'm amazed that we've been here since the beginning and have no idea what's going on, but you instantly find the answer _from the guy at Starbucks_.

Angela: DAMMIT NATHAN! I told you, I've had my top men look into it.

Nathan: Uh huh…How did this all start anyway….?

Angela: I don't know that.

Nathan: Quick, _To Krispy Kreme!_ We can find the answer there!

Angela: GRR!

Angela hops up and shoves Nathan out of the helicopter….

Peter: If I can point out another plot hole…_who saved all the other people on the boat?_

Noah: Well, that story is all fine and good. But we need to find Claire, she was kidnapped!

Angela: By who?

Noah: It had to be Jessica's. Niki's crazy sister/split personality.

Angela: Oh no…..I can't believe this…..he actually did it…..

Noah: What? Who? Huh?

Angela: There's no time to explain!

Noah: Uh, we're about another 45 minutes before we land, I'm sure you can.

Angela: Noah, I need you to come with me to _Area 51_.

Noah: WHAT!?

Angela: I'll explain on the way there….it turns out that we have bigger problems on our hands. Peter, I need you to do something very important.

Peter: Uh oh…

Angela: Like I've said before, there are many duplicates of us running about do to the time loop. All you need to do is find Mohinder Suresh, and find a way to get back into the past. Go back far enough and save Reginald so that will prevent us from coming back to save him originally. Then make sure the original King survives the castle assault. Make sure Reginald is set for execution. If all these stages are restored to order, _everything will go back to the way they were_ _before_. This time for real.

Peter: That seems like a lot, I might need it written down…

Angela: Done! I have your instructions written on this green post-it note.

Peter: Do you have anything in blue?

Angela: Take the damn note!

Peter: Okay, okay, yeesh….

Angela: Go fish out your brother and have him fly you to The Bennett house, that's where the real Mohinder is. No go!

Peter: And if I get lost I will contact the guy at Starbucks.

Angela pushes Peter out of the helicopter.

Noah: Area 51? Seriously?

Angela: Peter and Nathan will fix this problem….but we have bigger fish to fry. And we have to stop it before it gets out of control.

Noah: I just had to get out of bed today….

_-A few days ago-_

Kyle sits down in his bedroom and tries to phase out and teleport. But it doesn't end up going through.

Kyle: What….what is going on?

Kyle slams his bedroom door open, his dad is conjuring up some oatmeal.

Kyle: Steven! What is going on?!

Kyle's Dad, Steven: Wh..wh…what are you talking about?

Kyle: My power isn't working! I can't teleport! Fix this!

Steven: I c..c.c.c…can't…..at least from here, Kyle?

Kyle: Why…not?

Steven: Hold on….

Steven takes out a book and flips through the pages…

Steven: Oh, ok….there is a disturbance…..

Kyle: What are you talking about?

Steven: Well, the source of you power is sourced from a mystical artifact. If it gets disrupted…so does your power.

Kyle: Who the hell is messing around with my artifact?!

_Meanwhile, Elle is holding said artifact up to her face_. Trying to check if there's anything stuck in her teeth.

Tour Guide: AHHH! What are you doing?! You're not supposed to touch that!

Elle: I'm here against my will, I can look at whatever I want!

Tour Guide: Ugh….just be careful….(Storms off, panicked)

Elle: I like this thing, it looks like a wand…..ah man, I wished I had a wand. Then I can pretend to be _Cinderella's fairy godmother!_

---

Cinderella: It's my fairy godmother! Yay! Now you can send me to the ball to dance with the awesome Prince. I'm tired of scrubbing the floors with my toothbrush while these mice sing to me.

Elle: Yes, Cinderella. I am a magical fairy godmother. I will work my magic….however, this time I'm going to turn _you _into a pumpkin coach. I don't have a magical curfew, so I'll be dancing all night with the prince. HA!

---

Elle: Bibbity Bobbity Boo!

Elle drops the wand, and it shatters into a million pieces.

Elle: EEK! No reason to panic. I've solved those jumbo easy 1-piece jigsaw puzzles. I can do this!

A gust of wind blows away most of the pieces.

Elle: Or I can just have daddy turn one of our _toilet wands _gold and donate it to the pyramid…..I like that idea better.

-_Present Day-_

Kyle: And….done! It's fixed, at long last.

Micah: Alright, what should we test first?

Kyle: Let's try going back _700_ years or so….

Micah: What?

Kyle: Oh, I forgot to mention. This is now a time machine.

Micah: But….I wanted to cook something.

Kyle: Another time, partner…..

Kyle flicks some switches and holds onto a level, disappearing out of nowhere.

Micah: UH!.....

Micah looks around….

Steven (Kyle's Dad): …he wasn't always like this…

Micah: Huh?

Steven: He used to be a normal kid…but one day…he just changed.

Micah: What do you mean?

Steven: He can travel through time…I know it sounds crazy, but it's true….

Micah: For somebody that con conjure _oatmeal_, it doesn't sound that crazy…

Steven: I dug into my background, and one of our ancestors supposedly was an evil sorcerer with powers and stuff. I didn't believe it at first but after I've seen what Kyle can do….

Micah: Again, you can conjure oatmeal….you don't think that's a little not normal…?

Steven: Well, it's nothing special…

Micah: I'll say….anyway..If he has powers now, why did he mess up my cooking device!?

Steven: Legend goes that the evil sorcerer who goes by the name of Martok…

Micah (laughs): _Martok?_ Seriously? Sounds like someone from my _Dungeon Slayer game_.

Steven: _How do you slay a dungeon?_

Micah: Nevermind that….tell me more about Martok

Steven: Well, Martok sacrificed his soul for eternal power…which was stored inside one of his most prized possessions. A wand that was in his family for generations. The artifact was stolen by an archeologist by the name of _Reginald Bennett_. Martok's relic was placed into storage in a pyramid in Egypt. And nobody ever heard from him again until now.

Micah: So, what does Kyle have to do with this?

Steven: Over 700 years, Martok's spirit was able to attain enough power to obtain a host or the youngest living family member of our bloodline. Unfortunately that was my son…

Micah: This is nuts! So….hmm…..okay then….Can I use your phone?

Steven: Sure.

Micah gets on the phone and dials Niki's number. She is stuck in the bathroom with Matt and Mohinder.

Niki (answering cell phone): Yes, Micah?

Micah: Mom, I need to talk to you. This is very important.

Niki: Um, sorry Micah but we're in a bit of a bind here. Gotta go!

She hangs up.

Micah: -sigh-

Micah grabs his backpack and leaves.

Peter and Nathan show up at the house.

Peter: Man, this place is a wreck. Mr. Bennett is never going to let me throw another party again!

Nathan: Why did I let you talk me into bringing us straight here and not changing our wet clothes first?

Peter: We have work to do! We have lives to save! _Heroes away!_

Peter and Nathan waddle down the hallway.

_SLOSH! SLOSH! SLOSH! SLOSH!_

Nathan: Ugh, this is insufferable!

The two of them spot a Rhinoceros trying to bang down the bathroom door.

Nathan: _What did you get me into?_

Peter: I don't remember that animal being here last night…

Niki (through the door): Peter! Sylar can control animals and we've been locked in here. _And the downstairs bathroom doesn't have a soap dispenser, AND I FREAKING HATE THAT!_

Peter: Uh….

The Rhino turns his attention to Peter and Nathan.

Peter: Oh no! That must be a warlock trying to steal _The Book of Shadows!_

Nathan: Dude, lay off the _Charmed_. It's starting to warp your mind…

Peter: Come on, _Phoebe, _let's do this!

Nathan: But I don't want to be _Phoebe!_

Peter rips off the red tablecloth from the dining table.

Peter: _Toro! Toro!_

Nathan: That won't work….

The Rhino chases after Peter, Nathan runs to the bathroom.

Niki: Ugh! Finally. Where's Sylar?

Nathan: He's not here…

Mohinder: We need to get back to the apartment, we need to discuss my findings.

Matt: Oh man, _learning?!_ Anything but that….

Meanwhile, Claire was in her cell while Jessica sits outside filing her nails.

Claire (tapping on the glass): Excuse me?....

Jessica: What?

Claire: Can you explain why you are here….?

Jessica laughs and walks away.

Claire: She could've at least gave me a hint…..

A car goes speeding by…

Mohinder: So Hiro and Ando are still trapped in the past?

Nathan: You should know this, you were all super-powered and whatnot when you left Ando and Hiro in the past.

Mohinder: It's not my fault! My power was about to ware off and Ando had to stay behind and we had to leave or we would be stuck forever!

Nathan: …at least until you saved Hiro and could've teleported back anyway.

Mohinder: _Dammit Nathan!_ I'm tired of you pointing out my mistakes! You're grounded!

Nathan: Oh brother….(Rolls eyes)

Niki: If we can find a way to get back into the past and rescue Hiro, maybe we can _MATT HIT THE BREAKS!_

Matt slams on the brake as the car goes to a screeching halt.

Mohinder: Why did we stop!?

Peter (face smushed into front seat): I think I broke my face…

Nathan: _I think my skeleton flew out of my mouth_….

The car is inches away from Micah.

Niki: Matt, you almost ran over Micah! You dolt!

Matt: Nobody is questioning why he is in the middle of the street….just sayin…

Niki hops out of the car.

Niki: Micah! What are you doing here?

Micah: Mom, I was trying to get a hold of you. We have to talk….

Back in the cell, Jessica strolls by Claire's cell, only to find it empty.

Jessica: Hmm….I should know better than this….oh well…

Jessica opens the cell door as Claire clubs her in the back of the head with a toilet seat lid.

Jessica slowly turns around as Claire bolts out the door.

Jessica: You're not escaping on my watch.

She rips the metal door off the hinges and carries it down the hall. Claire stops for some stupid reason.

Claire: _Oh crap! _I thought you were the one that _made ice_!

Jessica: That would be _Tracy_.

Claire: Oh right….what happened to her?

Jessica: Matt ate her when she _turned into a sno-cone_.

Claire: ……….(blinks)…….okie dokie, then….

Jessica: Now….we play…..

Jessica hurls the door at Claire.

Claire: EEK!

The door slams….._shut in Mohinder's apartment_..

Matt: That was cheap…..

Nathan: So…explain this again…

Micah: A long, long time ago….

Nathan: The short version….

Micah: An Evil Sorcerer with time traveling abilities died and his spirit possessed his most present living family member of his bloodline and its Kyle.

Mohinder: I knew it! I knew there was something up with that kid…..make me waste one of my trademark '_Extraordinaries'_….punk….

Nathan: An Evil Sorcerer?

Micah: Yes, goes by the name of Martok.

Peter: Wasn't that the name of the bug thing from _Space Ghost: Coast To Coast?_

Nathan: Peter, we've been over this….his name was _Zorak. _Get it right!

Everyone looks at Nathan.

Nathan: Err…._So where is Kyle now?_

Micah: Well…we were science partners and I thought we were making my cool cooking device but it turned out to be a time machine..

Nathan: Why the time machine if he can time travel? That doesn't make much sense….

Mohinder: I can answer that. I've been reading and doing research on these ancient paintings in Egypt. His power must be related somehow…

Micah: Exactly! His power was manifested into a mystical artifact and stored in an ancient pyramid in Egypt…but it somehow got destroyed…

Nathan: I'm pretty sure we know who is behind _that one_…..

Tour Guide (sobbing): You've destroyed Cleopatra's Treasure! That was priceless…..

Elle: Why are these '_priceless'_ artifacts not in museums in cases or something?

She swings her arm and knocks a vase off of a podium. _CRASH!_

Tour Guide: WAAAAH!!

Micah: And because of that he's powerless….so he went back in time manually. He might try to find a way to preserve his power?

Nathan: Well, that makes sense….I think…..maybe?

He looks at Niki, who shrugs.

Mohinder: So, we need to find this machine and go back and stop him.

Micah: Right!

Mohinder: Allright, let's roll, team!

……nothing happens.

Niki: ….

Matt: ….

Peter: ….

Nathan: ….

Mohinder: ……uh…..

Matt: …._awkward._

Claire struggles down the hallway. A massive bloody gash is on her forehead, which heals.

Claire: So not cool…..I guess I can let her beat me until…she dies of exhaustion or something….

She turns around to find Jessica.

Jessica: I'm just getting started.

Sylar: _That's enough_…..

The two of them turn to Sylar, who approaches them.

Sylar: I'll take it from here, thank you.

Jessica: Nah….I got it.

Sylar: No, seriously….I can take over now…

Jessica: No, seriously….beat it.

Sylar: What's this?...._Mutiny_….?

Jessica: Oh please, you didn't think I'd stab you in the back?

Sylar: I helped you get rid of those morons that were destroying the Bennet house with their farm animals.

Claire: Say what now?

Sylar: And you helped me get Claire…so now I can…..take it from here, thanks.

Jessica: I got bored with them. Pounding on someone who can't die….that's a challenge.

Sylar: Uh huh…..well, that's not going to work.

Claire: You guys don't have to fight over little ol' me…._seriously_….you don't have to.

Sylar: I'm not going to have this….I can control animals! _Go! My blood thirsty minions! ATTACK!_

Jessica and Claire look over to see _Garfield the cat chowing down on some lasagna before going back to bed._

Sylar: _GARFIELD!!!!!_

Claire: ….

Jessica: Okay, I've had enough of this….

Jessica grabs a pipe and starts to swing it at Sylar when he _pulls the trigger of a gun_. Shooting her point blank in the forehead.

Claire: AHHH!

Sylar: I don't know why I didn't do that before.

Claire: …._Whose side are you on again?_

Sylar: Oh, I'm not finished with you yet, my dear…..

Claire is frozen, Sylar is about to move in when a blunt force slams into Sylar's head. He goes sliding halfway down the corridor.

Claire (shocked): What the?......

She looks up to see _Jessica_…..holding the pipe.

Claire: Uh…..

Claire leans over to see the body of _Jessica_, still dead.

Claire: uh….heheh…..mmm…….that's a neat trick…..

Jessica: …..

Claire: …..-sigh-……I can't catch a break…..

Back at Mohinder's Apartment…

Peter: Uh…why am I doing this again?

Mohinder: Because the past is stuck in a loop… I have to monitor your progress…Matt will screw it up, Niki doesn't want to do it, so it's up to you and Nathan.

Nathan: How did I get sucked into this?! I swear I'm taking next Volume off…..

Mohinder: Just go….And try not to disrupt anything or you'll kill us all.

Peter: RIGHT!

Peter and Nathan hold onto the time machine levers and the machine make a loud ka-boom. Smoke fills the room.

Mohinder: Godspeed, gentlemen…..Godspeed……_okay, any bets to see if they screw up?_

Nathan: _We haven't left yet!_

Mohinder: OH!....Need to flip some switches…and….okay, goodbye!

Peter and Nathan disappear….

Peter and Nathan appear right in front of the castle….

Peter: Excellent!

…_give or take a few miles_…

Peter: Oh man…

Nathan: Crap!

Peter: What are you complaining about?

Nathan: I have to carry you, right?

Peter: Of course!

Nathan: …yeah….crap…..

Peter: So…..Reginald is going to be shooting off his catapult soon, we got here early enough before the loop starts. We have to…..uh…

Nathan: Save Reginald….Save The King….and make sure Reginald gets executed after his son is born….

Peter: Um….actually…..wouldn't his son be born anyway……executed or not?

Nathan: Yes…..Uh…wait……….I'm confused….

Kyle: You don't have to bother…..with anything…..

Peter: AHH! Small child!

Nathan: Uh….you're that kid everyone's talking about…

Kyle: Yes…..it is true…..in this time I was once a powerful Sorcerer……

Nathan: So, what is the point of all this then….why us?

Kyle: When I perished, spirit was born again 700 years later in my youngest living blood relative. I made him the host for my spirit. A magical staff, which has been in my family for generations…is the harbinger of my power….but now it's broken…

Peter: Elle.

Nathan: You don't know that!

Peter: Come on! Who else could it be?

Kyle: My power….my curse…..I embraced it…..but when I lived in the present, I knew that so many people around me had power of their own….

Peter: _How does he know that!?_

Nathan: SHHH!

Kyle: It made me angry….angry how powers can….just be given to anyone…..

Peter: That's nothing! I can _absorb people's abilities!_....Well, when it works at least….

Nathan: Stop talking.

Kyle: How is it done? How do you people get your power?

Peter: Uh….._was it the Eclipse?_

Nathan: I thought we were just injected with it. That's how I got my power.

Peter: Uh….It just….happened one day.

Mohinder (monologue): _One Day…Ordinary People became infused with Extraordinary abilities…so many questions. Questions, that need answers. Answers…because they are questions._

Nathan: _NOT NOW, MOHINDER!_

Peter: His monologues really speak to me…(sniff)….

Kyle: ……

Nathan: We're sorry we have powers but is it really necessary to kill us?

Kyle: Well….

Peter: And why were you trying so hard to have your dad become a part of Mohinder's research…_nobody wants that kind of punishment!_

Kyle: I wanted to try to befriend Mohinder, and hopefully find out more about you guys.

Nathan: Well, killing off Noah Bennet and threatening to go back in time and kill the rest of us _sure was the way to do it_.

Kyle: Regardless, I have learned the error of my ways….I cannot change the past, just because I'm not happy with the present.

Peter: You should've just talked to Hiro, he's learned that lesson like a hundred times now.

Nathan nods in agreement.

Peter: Well, looks like everything is going to be okay.

Kyle: Not necessarily.

Nathan: Huh?

Kyle: I can't change the past…..but the future might just change all on its own.

Peter and Nathan look at each other.

(Present Day)

Kyle's Dad, Steven has Niki, Micah, Mohinder, and Matt at gunpoint in a corner.

Steven: Nobody move!

Niki: Those _mental powers_ will come in handy at any time, Matt.

Matt: I have a better idea.

Matt whistles as a pigeon flies through the window. Matt ties a message to the pigeon.

Mohinder: If you think that pigeon is going to fly fast enough to travel through time-space….you got another thing coming.

Niki: What did that say?

Mohinder: I'm having the pigeon fly to _Chuck Norris'_ house.

Niki: WHAT!?

Mohinder: Chuck Norris?

Matt: HEY! Don't talk bad about Chuck Norris! He's super cool…._He makes onions cry!_

Niki: Oh, shut up! We have to find a way out of here.

Steven grabs a baseball bat.

Niki: Um…what are you doing?

Steven: Doing what I have to do….while I have the chance….

Niki: UH…..

Steven starts destroying the machine.

Mohinder: Um…excuse me sir, our friends are using that.

Micah: He's going to trap Kyle in the past! Don't do this!

Steven: I've given up….my son will never go back to the way he was….he'll be evil forever.

Niki: Isn't trapping him in the past a little extreme? Try grounding him or something….

Steven bashes through the machine….it is destroyed.

Niki: Now what?!

Mohinder: I don't know….

_(The Past)_

Kyle: Oh no….

Nathan: What?

Kyle: …..The machine has been broken.

Peter: WHAT!?

Kyle: We're trapped in the past….forever.

Peter: Not forever!

Nathan: Well, wonderful….now what?

Kyle: My older self in this time will be dead shortly, if we can get there and you can absorb my power we can get back.

Peter: UH…..I can try….

Nathan: We have no other choice….

Peter: Or we can chill until Hiro and the others arrive and hitch a ride with him.

Nathan: We can't do that because if they show up the loop will start again.

Peter: Oh, bother….

Kyle: Follow me. We might have enough time.

Peter, Nathan, and Kyle run off.

Claire gets thrown in a cell with Sylar, Jessica slams the door. It is a different cell, since the door has been ripped off the previous one.

Claire: Okay, _two Jessicas?_ What's up with that? _Clones?_ Seriously?

Jessica smirks and flips a switch. The cell starts filling up with smoke.

Claire: She does realize this doesn't affect me….right?

Sylar's unconscious.

Claire: -sigh-……

Jessica walks by a room _filled with several other Jessica's_. She makes her way out the door.

_Noah and Angela  
Area 51, Underground Secret Base  
How did nobody else notice this was here?_

Noah and Angela are making there way down a catwalk to a room filled with surveillance screens. Angela digs through her purse.

Noah: So, what is this all about? Why did we have to come all the way here to Area 51?

Angela holds up a tape.

Angela: This tape…..holds an answer that will shock you.

Noah: You taped the Big Brother finale?!

Angela: Yes I did, here you go.

Noah: Finally!

Angela pulls out another tape.

Angela: This tape…..you need to see.

Noah steps away from watching the Big Brother finale.

Noah: Fine, but make it quick.

Angela presses play.

Noah watches what is on screen.

Noah: You must be joking….

Angela shakes her head.

Noah just continues to stare at the video.

_To Be Continued_…


	15. I Am Claire Bear

-The Heroes Parody Project-

Warning: There are a few spoilers! Make sure you are completely caught up with the show...or at least have some knowledge of what is happening with the show currently.

Peter: _Heroes _is copyright NBC, Tim Kring, and Mama Kring…..well, I don't know what she has to do with it but we'll give her credit anyway. All characters, powers, and anything related to the show all belongs to them. Any similarities to any actual people, living or dead, is completely coincidental. Reader Discretion is advised. And don't forget to watch the actual _Heroes_ show, Mondays on NBC…._It's more colorful._

Niki: ….what is?

Peter: Huh?

Niki: What's more colorful?

Peter: ….uh…._NBC?_

Niki: ….

Peter: ….

Niki: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure TV made the transition into color in the 50's or 60's.

Peter: No, no….not like that….I mean…..it's more colorful…..than other….networks?

Niki: ……

Peter: ….

Niki: How?

Peter: ….I don't know! Okay!? I didn't write it…..let's just steal FOX's tagline.

_SO DRAMA_

_SO ACTION_

_SO FRESH_

_SO NEW_

_SO RAVEN_

_SO INTENSE_

_HEROES! IS NEXT!_

Peter: ….

Niki: ……I like it.

Peter: Me too.

Niki: Let's roll with it.

Peter: Let's! _Previously on Heroes_……

Sylar shows up at the Bennet home.

Matt: Ruh Roh!

Sylar: Go, my animal minions!

Matt and Jessica get chased by a barrage of animals.

Nathan is floating in the ocean, he gets rescued by Angela.

Nathan: Oh, great!

Angela: The past is messed up, and only you can fix it. Noah, you must come with me to Area 51.

Noah: WHAT!?

Peter and Nathan arrive at the Bennet's, picking up Matt, Niki, and Mohinder along the way.

Micah: I wonder where Kyle went.

Steven (Kyle's father): He wasn't always like this. There's something wrong with him.

Micah: Don't forget you can conjure oatmeal, so I wouldn't pass too much judgment.

Elle is trapped in Egypt.

Elle: What's this thingy…(BREAK!)….well, it's worthless now.

Kyle is stuck in the past with Nathan and Peter.

Kyle: The source of my power was stored in a mystical artifact in Egypt. I've learned that I cannot change my destiny. Nor that of others….

Nathan: Well, you sure went from Bad to Good in like….5 seconds. No anti-climactic battle for us.

Peter: I'll let you hit me with my Nerf Bat when we get back.

Nathan: You're a good brother, Pete.

Peter: I try.

Kyle: ???

Claire: Now where am I?

Jessica: Just holding you hostage.

Sylar: Thanks for that. I'll be taking over.

He shoots Jessica, but then get sent flying as _another Jessica shows up_.

Claire: Uh oh….

---

_Peter, Nathan, and Kyle  
The Past  
Soon they'll go Back To The Future. It's your kids, Marty! (Okay, that wasn't called for)_.

Nathan: Ugh! We've been walking forever! Where are we going and why can't I fly?!

Kyle: We are going to my body on this day where it is about to be laid to eternal rest. You cannot fly because it would look suspicious.

Nathan: Uh, _hello!_ You were a sorcerer, like nobody is going to think what I'm doing is out of the ordinary.

Kyle: Well, all I know is that we are under close eye by the king, so we better be careful.

Peter: The King!? Oh no…..it's my nightmares come true….

Peter stops and looks over in the distance to see the _Burger King_ holding a croissandwich. Peter winces in fear and runs off.

_Niki and Matt, and Mohinder, and Micah and Kyle's dad, Steven…and Zoe, Duncan, Jack and Jane._ (Obscure reference alert!)  
_Steven's House  
Where nothing can go wrong!_

Mohinder: Something's wrong.

Niki: Of course.

Mohinder: I've been trying to fix this machine and am having no luck. I hope Peter and Nathan can get back on their own….or they'll be trapped in the past….forever…..

Matt: Dramatic pause.

Niki: I guess we'll just have to wait.

Steven: No! (Aims his gun at Mohinder) He can't come back….I don't want him to come back. Get over there with the others.

Matt: Dramatic pause.

Niki: Stop saying that.

Mohinder: Don't you think you're overreacting just a smidge?

Steven: No….I'm not…..everything is going to be okay. (Nervously looks out the window).

Niki: I have to move out of this house, I can't go one day without being trapped in some stupid subplot with you two.

Matt: _Coconut Macaroon? _(Hands her one)

Niki: Sure.

_Claire and Sylar  
Random Clichéd warehouse that happens to have a prison cell  
I thought we were cutting down on the warehouses and prisons. Well, at least Micah and Molly are actually safe this time._

Sylar wakes up in the cell to see Claire off in the corner.

Sylar: Hello, vicar…What do we have here?

Claire: Don't even think about it. We have to find a way out of here…well, at least I do. I don't care what happens to you.

Sylar: Interesting……

Claire is carving something into her arm:

_CHAPTER FIFTEEN: I AM CLAIRE BEAR_

The sign automatically heals.

Sylar: Melodramatic much?

Claire: Oh, so it's okay when you do it.

Sylar: I was trying to find myself and who I really was….which ended up me parading around as Nathan which is a step backwards, but I had some fun with it at least.

---

Angela is eating at a Sushi Bar, Nathan comes up.

Nathan: Hello…_mother_.

Angela: Hello, _Norman Bates_. Don't talk to me like that, it's creepy.

Nathan: After obsessing over fixing some watches and gruesomely stealing some powers from random folks by slicing their heads off I stopped by the Snow Globe Outlet Store in the mall and got you something.

Angela: UH….

Nathan: Here you go, I had it engraved.

_To a Number One Mom, from your Number One supposed son._ _Sylar…I mean Nathan._

Angela: UHHH!

---

Claire: Wow, that's great and all but we have bigger problems.

Sylar: I wasn't finished with my story, you hussy!

Claire: SHUT UP! LOOK!

A green fog is seeping into the room.

Sylar: Not good.

Claire: Looks like this is the end of our adventures.

Sylar: You call _this_ an adventure?!

Claire: I don't get out much.

Sylar: Wait…..The fog....Stopped…

Claire: That was weird…looks like we can go home now.

Suddenly, the door gets kicked in and the person that walks in is….

Claire: _The Haitian?!_

Haitian: Hello!

Claire: Where the hell have you been!? You've been gone like, the entire volume.

Haitian: I've been busy….You have to come with me Claire…._your father's in trouble_.

Claire: Which one?

Haitian: Uh….The….one you've been living with all this time and preferably acknowledging his existence over Nathan's.

Claire: RIGHT! Let's go.

Sylar shakes his head.

---_Earth, Rotating like is usually does…it's actually getting kinda old, we need some new opening credits…HIT IT!---_

_It's The Heroes Show!_

_Starring: Peter Petrelli (runs into a phone booth and ripping his shirt revealing a giant 'P')_

_Also Starring: Nathan Petrelli (give a thumbs up)_

_Including: Claire Bennet (Gets her arm stuck in a wood chipper, she laughs)_

_Along with: Hiro Nakamura (playing with a fake sword)_

_Hey, What About: Matt Parkman (playing an intense game of Hi! Ho! Cherrio!)_

_Don't Forget: Niki Sanders (beating up a Matt Parkman stunt doll)_

_Look! It's: Mohinder Suresh (Chews on his pencil in thought…than grimaces from the bad taste)_

_We Love: Elle Bishop (Spraying Febreeze on herself since she can't take a shower…that's kinda gross)_

_I'd Hate Myself If We Forgot: Ando Masahashi (giving two thumbs up, totally stealing Nathan's bit.)_

_With: Sandra and Lyle Bennet (playing in a pan flute band)_

_And: The Haitian Sensation That Ruled The Nation._

Haitian: WHAT!?

_And The Villain That Will Never Go Away: Gabriel Grey aka Sylar!_

Sylar: It's called a contract!

_HEROES!_

_---That'll do---_

_Noah and Angela  
Area 51  
Underground Storage Facility, That nobody realizes exists._

Angela: I want you to watch this tape.

Noah: Okay….

Angela puts in the tape and presses play.

Noah: Oh, no…..

On the screen is none other than _Thomas Fox, _speaking of villains that will never go away.

Noah: No! No! No! I'm done! I'm not dealing with him again. I'm leaving the show and going to be a _guest corpse on CSI._

Angela: Just watch it!

Noah: Ugh….

Fox: Hello….My name is Thomas Fox…

Noah: _WE KNOW THAT!_

Fox: If you are watching this tape…then I am dead.

Noah: We know this already….

Fox: My previous villainous attempts, whether it was collecting individuals with powers, having my son destroy the world using his own created world, and even try to bring back the dead using my Remnant technology. In death, I will succeed with my latest creation. Fortunately, not all of my work was destroyed, so I had some of my followers build upon that using what was left of information extracted from Peter Petrelli. Every person that Peter has come in contact with is in my database, including their abilities. I cannot revive the dead, but I can create anybody I want, with any power I want them to have. This new process I call…_Remnant: Prime_.

Noah: That's a stupid name!

Fox: So, be careful who you trust, Mr. Bennet.

Noah: GUH!?

Fox: For anybody you talk to….._can be one of them._

Noah turns to look at Angela, with an orb of lightning glowing in her hand.

Noah: Are you freaking kidding me…?

Angela flings her arms as the orb of lightning hit Noah, catapulting her across the room as he slams into a giant window overlooking the Remnant: Prime clones being created below.

Noah: Oh, this sucks….

Noah rolls off the console and hits the ground.

Meanwhile, Peter and Company are outside of a tent.

Peter: This is weird. Who builds a tent out in the middle of nowhere?

Kyle: My body is in there. I am on my deathbed and am being guarded by….well, my guards.

Peter: What do I have to do?

Kyle: Take this stake.

Nathan: Where did you get that?!

Kyle: I need you to take this stake and drive it thought my heart.

Peter takes the stake and pokes Kyle with it.

Kyle: OW! Not me, you moron! The guy in there!

Peter: Well, you should've been more specific.

Nathan: What about the wand that harnesses your power or whatever? Can't we destroy that?

Kyle: We can, but it's not necessary. You have to plunge that stake in my heart which will prevent my soul from taking over this body in the future.

Nathan: That makes absolutely no sense, but I'll run with it.

Peter: I don't know, I don't think I can kill another person, it just seems so rude.

Nathan: You killed Thomas Fox.

Peter: No, that was more of an accidental 'we both fell over the edge' sorta thing.

Nathan: Well, just pretend you're _Buffy._

Peter: Oooh, _I like Buffy._

Nathan: Great, take that initiative and go kill that guy whose about to croak anyway in like, 5 minutes.

Peter: O..okay….

Peter hesitates and walks into the tent.

Back in the warehouse, Claire and The Haitian are in a side room with many clones of Jessica.

Claire: Say what now?

Haitian: It's another plan by….well….you know who?

Claire: Ugh….him?

Haitian: Yes, Thomas Fox.

Claire: Just so we are clear…he is dead, right?

Haitian: Yes.

Claire: That's good.

Haitian: After that silly subplot when you were trying to pick which father you wanted to take with you on the cruise. Bennet called me and told me a suspicious address that Fox might have been staying at during that whole Remnant mess.

Claire: That was a good cruise by the way….until Jessica blew it up.

The Haitian continues to talk while we flashback to Fox'

---

The Haitian is snooping around looking through different books.

(Haitian: _Apparently with the fall of the Remnant Technology, Fox still had some resources available to bring it back up and running. Instead of his initial goal of using the memories of people to clone them regardless if they were dead or alive. This new project can create a body of anybody Peter has ever met, and give them any power he wants.)_

The Haitian finds Fox's journal, which he explains all this, which is never smart.

(Haitian: _He did his homework, and thought his first experiment would be Niki/Jessica. She's powerful, but nobody can really tell the difference between the two)._

Claire: Let's see, Niki can be mean but she is a good guy. Jessica blew up our boat and almost killed us and kidnapped me….she's a bad guy. I can tell the difference.

(Haitian: _If his project succeeds, he will create any one of us and give us any power, which will be extremely dangerous and confusing)_.

The Haitian takes the journal and throws it into the fireplace.

---

Claire: Next question, what happened to my dad, Peter, and Nathan? Did they make it out of the water okay?

Haitian: I'll say he did because the trouble he is in how has nothing to do with being stuck in the ocean.

Claire: And one last question, all the Jessica clones?

Haitian: He made a lot of them, but no matter how powerful Jessica is a gun can still take her down.

Claire: That's nice.

Haitian: We must go.

The Haitian and Claire run down the hall, Sylar who was listening discreetly follows behind them.

Back in the past, Peter puts on a robe and poses as a Monk.

Guard: Oh, good, you're here.

Peter: Huh?

Guard: Come this way, please.

Peter: Okay….

Outside, Kyle notices someone coming.

Kyle: Oh no, I forgot.

Nathan: What?

Kyle: That man coming up is going to perform the mystical chant which will preserve my spirit. He cannot go in there.

Nathan: Fine time bring this up now…

Kyle: Do something.

Nathan: Uh….

Nathan trips the guy as he walks by.

Man: OOF!

Kyle: Okay, that saved 3 seconds, try something better.

Nathan: Uh….excuse me sir….

Man: Yes.

Nathan: So….._how are you?_

Man: Fine.

Nathan: Good…..nice weather, huh?

Man: Uh….yes?

Nathan: I see you are about to do a spiritual chant…..how's that going for you?

Man: How did you know that?! Are you a witch?

Kyle: Good going.

Nathan: Well….

Kyle: Actually he is a witch. You have to cleanse his soul first before going inside.

Man: I'll do just that!

Nathan: Is this going to hurt?

Kyle: Nah, just roll with it, you won't be affected.

Nathan: I better not.

Kyle: Peter needs to hurry, or Ando will die, Hiro will be devoured by the King's curse and history will be screwed up forever.

Nathan: Oh, is that all?

Noah runs down a hallway escaping from Angela. He bumps into Claire.

Noah: Claire?!

Claire: Dad! I'm so glad to see you, I was worried.

Noah: …..

Claire: ……

Noah: ……_you're grounded and you're not going over to your friend's house for the sleepover._

Claire: That's okay, dad. I love you and respect your parenting techniques.

Noah: (Holding his gun up)…._You're a fake!_

Claire: No, dad it's me! Really!

Claire grabs Noah's wrist as ice starts to grow on his forearm.

Noah: ACK!

Noah shakes it off and fires his gun, which is blocked by a barrier of ice conjured by the Claire clone. She runs off.

Peter is standing over the body of Martok. 3 men walk up.

Man: You must be the chanter.

Peter: That's me!

Man: We are Martok's closes friends. I am Gulmek, and this here is Shemrohl and Mehlklar.

Peter: And I feel sorry for your parents who obviously used the _World Of Warcraft name generator to name you._

Gulmek: Huh?

Peter: Nevermind. I will conduct the ceremony, right…now.

Peter spots the wand.

Peter: What's that?

Gulmek: You don't remember. You siphoned Martok's power and placed it in that wand.

Peter: Oh, right…heh, heh…..Let me check it first.

Peter grabs the wand and throws it on the ground.

Gulmek: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!

Peter: Oops! Butterfingers!

(Back in the Present, history has been altered)

Elle: Okay, who do I make the check out to?

Clerk: The Egyptian Historic Society. For 600 Thousand Dollars.

Elle just thinks of something.

Elle: What is this for again?

Clerk: I…..I don't know.

Elle: Well…..I don't have to pay anything, that's good.

(Back in the past)

Peter: Okay, chant time!

Gulmek: Get on with it!

Peter: Right…..Here lies Matrok…..he was a good man…..he led a good, full life. Though it is sad that he never had the chance to experience Wal-Mart and their low prices…

Mehlklar: What's a Wal-Mart?!

Gulmek: Hell if I know….

Peter: May his spirit cometh and bringeth fortheth eternal life and living. May he boldly go where no man has gone before….and he'll be movin on up….to the east side….to a deluxe apartment in the sky…..oh he'll be movin on up….to the east side….and finally get a piece of the pie….

Gulmek: I think this guy is a fraud! This is the worst spiritual service ever.

Peter: _Nobody talks crap about The Jeffersons!_

Outside, the real chanter is doing a dance while Nathan and Kyle listen.

Kyle: What's going on in there?

Nathan: Somebody must have bad mouthed _The Jefferson's. _That really gets Peter's goat when you do that.

Kyle: Right…..

Peter: Okay, here goes….ready to drive the stake into his heart…..this stake….this stake right here that I am holding right now…..here goes…..one…..two….two and a half……

Nathan: _STEP IT UP ALREADY!_

Peter raises the stake…then feels a sharp sting in his hand, he looks up to see an arrow driven through it.

Peter: Uh…_OW!_

Nathan and Kyle spin around to see an army in front of them, leading the army is….

Nathan: Hiro?!

Hiro raises his sword.

Hiro: _ATTACK!_

Hiro points his sword forward as the hundreds of soldiers charge toward the tent.

Nathan: BAD! REAL BAD!

Peter: Anybody want to do anything about this?

Back at Area 51, The Haitian and Claire arrive by car. Since traveling from New York to New Mexico by car only takes about 15 minutes. They get out.

Claire: This is where the Remnant: Prime project is taking place?

Haitian: Yes, we must hurry. Take this….

He hands her a gun.

Claire: You're giving me a gun?! My dad will totally kill you!

Haitian: You'll know why when we get inside.

The head inside while Sylar topples out of the trunk of the car.

Sylar: Ugh, that ride took forever!

Inside, they reach an intersection.

Haitian: Go that way.

Claire: You gave me a gun AND leaving me alone! My dad is going to double kill you!

Haitian: Just be careful…

Clare is walking down the hall. She bumps into Noah.

Claire: Dad! You're alright.

Noah: Uh….Okay, let's try this again…._You're grounded?_

Claire: WHAT!? What did I do this time!?

Noah: Okay, it's you….wait….why are you here?

Claire: The Haitian dragged me here.

Noah: The Haitian dragged you to this horrible place…..and gave you a gun…._and left you alone!?_

Claire: Yeah, I already told him.

Noah: There goes his bonus…..Claire, we need to get out of here now….

Claire gets attacked by the Claire clone.

Claire: AHHH!

Noah: Seriously?

Both of the Claire's scramble around. One grabs a gun and holds it over the other Claire as she kicks it out of her hand. The gun slides toward Noah.

Noah: Okay, this shouldn't be hard.

Noah picks up the gun and holds it up to the two Claires. He hesitates.

Claire: Dad! Shoot her!

Claire: No, Dad! She's the fake!

Claire: Shut up!

Claire: You shut up!

Claire: I'll kill you!

Noah: This sucks…..how can I choose. This is the most difficult choice for a parent.

Claire: What?! (Gets punched)

Noah: What do I do? (Aims the gun) If I shoot the wrong one….

The Haitian runs up.

Noah: It's you! Where have you been all volume?

Haitian: Running your stupid errands. What have we here?

Noah: The real Claire and the fake Claire are fighting. I have to shoot one but if I hit the real Claire….

Haitian: …uh…._she'll heal from the gunshot wound_ and pretty much narrowing down who the fake one is.

Noah: That's why I keep you around….

Noah aims and fires the gun into Claire….both of them stand there and wait.

Noah: …..

Haitian: ……

Claire: ……

Claire: ……

The bullet pops out of Claire's body.

Claire: _You shot me!_

Noah: Yay! That's the real Claire!

Haitian: DUH!

Noah shoots the other Claire.

Claire: Well, that was weird. I guess we can go home now.

Noah: Not yet.

Haitian: I need to disable the central core of this project. If I succeed, it should disable all of the Remnant: Prime clones.

Noah: Works for us.

The door busts open to reveal fake Angela, swarmed in lightning.

Noah: Crap! I forgot about her!

Angela electrocutes Noah and Claire.

Noah: The quicker you can do this, the better.

Haitian: Almost!.........Got it!

The computers power down and start to spark. Several of the clones bang on the window and start to melt, including the clone of Angela in the room.

Claire: Well, that was weird. I guess we can go home now…

Noah: Stop saying that! More bad things will happen.

Haitian: The place is going to self destruct….let's move.

The three of them run down the hallway and out the door. They pile into the car and drive off.

The seconds on the timer count down to detonation: 5……4…….3…….2…….1….(STOP)

A hand presses the 'abort' button, the hand belongs to _Sylar_.

Sylar: Now….it's my turn……cue _theme_.

_TICK! TICK! TICK! TICK! TICK! TICK!_

Sylar: Can I get a new theme song?

_Oooh Yeah, and then there's Maude!_

Sylar: The ticking is fine…..

Sylar clicks through some of the buttons and tries to restore the program.

Sylar: Hmm….seems like a bust….I can only create one clone, and only one…..huh?....it's already done….well, let's see who my new partner is.

The door opens, the new clone stumbles out in front of Sylar.

Sylar: Hmm…interesting….not who I was expecting. But you will do just fine…..

Later, Sylar shuts everything down and leaves the lab. He walks down the hallway alone, and out of the door.

Meanwhile, back in the past.

Peter is on his knees, restrained along with Nathan and Kyle.

Hiro: You are conspiring to kill the King….me?!

Peter: Hiro! You can't kill us! Don't you remember me? It's Peter….Peter Petrelli!.....Remember the old times, Hiro……you have to remember!

---

Hiro and Peter run up along a sidewalk.

Hiro and Peter: _One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight! Sclemeel, Schlemazel, Hasenfeffer Incorprated!_

We're gonna do it!

Hiro and Peter open some doors at the same time and bump into each other.__

Give us any chance, we'll take it!

A forklift leaves the factory with Hiro and Peter riding on it.  
_  
Give us any rule, we'll break it!_

Hiro and Peter are working on the assembly line. Peter puts a latex glove on one of the bottles and waves goodbye to it.  
_  
We're gonna make our dreams come true!_

Doin' it our way!

Nathan: THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!

Peter: So jealous…….

Nathan: Ugh….

Peter: And for the record….I've already pitched the idea to the producers and _they'll be using that as The Heroes Opening Credits_.

Nathan: Double Ugh!

Kyle: Am I the only one who noticed that there were _three 70's sitcom references in one episode?!_ Who does that, seriously?!

Nathan: Don't try to figure it out, we don't get it either….

Hiro: It's time for you all to die….Take them to the execution chamber back in the castle.

Peter: That was weird….looks like we can go home now.

Nathan shoots a look at Peter.

_To Be Continued_….

Next Time: On the final chapter of the Volume.

Peter: We're still stuck in the past! AHHHH!

Peter charges through the army of soldiers, hacking and slashing with his sword.

Peter: Excelsior!

Niki: I'm still stuck in this apartment! AHHHHH!

Steven cocks his pistol.

Steven: Nobody is going anywhere….

Matt: Gulp!

The Volume Finale, next week._  
_


	16. Long Live The King

-The Heroes Parody Project-

Warning: There are a few spoilers! Make sure you are completely caught up with the show...or at least have some knowledge of what is happening with the show currently.

Carny: Joseph was a good man, we both had two families, one didn't work out so well…and the other….they protected us from the outside world. A world that doesn't appreciate us….there are others out there like us….and they deserve to be who they really are….but here, we offer them salvation, hope, and more importantly, _redemption_…..

Peter: That's all fine and good, but I got the ball into the clown's mouth and I want my stuffed teddy bear _NOW!_

Carny: Ugh! Fine!

The Carny reaches up and grabs the bear from the rack and hands it to Peter.

Peter: Finally! And it only took 500 tries and several trips to the ATM.

Nathan: Now that you've zeroed out your bank account…you do know they sell that exact same bear at the Toys R' Us next to the carnival for like…2 bucks..

Peter: It's not about money, Nathan….it's about…..finding your place…

Nathan: What?

Peter: It's about hope….

Nathan: What?

Peter: It's about _Redemption_…

Nathan: ……..that doesn't make any sense.

Peter: Doesn't it, bro……._Doesn't it?_

Nathan: No more cotton candy for you, that sugar is making you bonkers…

Peter: Aww, but I love sugar…….oh right…_Previously on Heroes_….

Peter, Kyle and Nathan are stuck in the past.

Kyle: You have to drive this stake into Martok's heart…this will prevent him from possessing my body in the future.

Peter: Right!

Hiro's army attacks. Peter fails miserably.

Peter: So much for that.

Niki: We're still in this stupid apartment.

Steven: Nobody is going anywhere. (Cocks gun)

---

_Peter, Nathan, and Kyle  
Hiro's Castle Prison_

Peter: That's it for the _previously section? _I thought there was more than that.

Nathan: Claire got to finish her storyline….

Peter: WHAT?! That's so not fair! (Sobs)

Kyle: What's going to happen to us now?

Nathan: We get to be executed, yay!

Kyle: Can't you guys do anything?

Nathan: I can fly away….

Peter: I heard they are storing Martok's body in the Castle Laboratory…..though a lab in this time period doesn't make any sense….

Nathan: Where did you hear that?!

Peter: I also got this lockpick….

Nathan: Where did you get that?!

Peter: We are being held in cellblock A, the execution of Ando…as well as us…will be in 30 minutes. We can take this shortcut behind the throne…

Nathan: Schematics to the castle!? How are you getting these things?! Did I miss something?

Peter: Let's go! (Unlocks the cell door)….Watch your head, Nathan….

Nathan runs smack into…

_Chapter 16: Long Live The King_

Nathan: Ow…..

---_Keep turning, keep turning, keep turning, keep turning, keep turning, keep turning…okay, that's enough…Heroes---_

Peter, Nathan, and Kyle are running down the hall. Peter sneaks around the corner.

Peter: So, what's the plan?

Nathan: You courageously led us out of our cell, I thought you had a plan.

Peter: I was just kinda _wingin'_ it….

Nathan: _Wingin' it!?_ Pete, we're minutes away from being executed in the past. You don't have anything better than that?

Peter: Hmm…Well, I was hoping it wouldn't have to come to this but…._NOW NATHAN!_

Peter and Nathan bump their fists together…

Peter and Nathan: _Wonder Twin Powers Activate!_

Peter: Form of….huh!?....Nathan, where's your Wonder Twin Ring?

Nathan: I…hawked it.

Peter: WHAT?!

Nathan: I needed some extra cash…

Peter: Unbelievable…

Nathan looks around.

Nathan: Where's Kyle?

Peter: Wasn't he just there?

Nathan: He was.

Peter: Good going, _Matt._ Can't keep an eye on a small child for 5 seconds.

Nathan: Shut up!

Peter: You shut up!

They start slapping each other.

Elsewhere, an eye opens…which belongs to Niki. She is lying down in the apartment.

Niki: Oh man, what a nightmare…..too bad I'm still in it.

_Niki, Mohinder, Micah, and Matt  
The Apartment_

Matt: Well, now we're being held hostage.

Mohinder: I can't fix the machine, I hope they can find Hiro and get back to the present. Or else they'll be stuck there forever.

Niki: Well, we need to find someway out of here. If only somebody could _telepathically _get the ball rolling? _MATT!?_

Matt: ……(Watching T.V)

Niki: _And stop watching iCarly!!_

Matt: _I'M NOT WATCHING THAT!..._(frantically changes the channel).

Meanwhile, Nathan and Peter are walking down the hallway, looking for Kyle.

Nathan: Kyle!....Kyle!.....Damn, where could he be?

Peter: Let's ask this nice man up here.

Nathan: Wait! Don't!

Back in Prison.

Nathan: Smooth. Real Smooth.

Peter: He didn't have to poke me with his sword. Now I'm bleeding. I hate bleeding!

Nathan: You don't happen to have any more lockpicks, do you?

Peter: Not now, Nathan. I'm trying to find my _Alf Band-Aid_. I think I used the last one.

Nathan: I bet you wished you're powers weren't neutered and can only hold one power at a time.

Peter: That is kind of annoying. Especially the last power I picked up.

---  
6:00pm

Nathan sits down to eat some dinner. The phone rings.

Nathan: Ugh!

Nathan gets back up and answers it.

Nathan: What is it, Peter?

Peter: Good Evening, Mr. Petrelli. I'm calling from the Daily Inquirer. I've noticed that you are not currently enrolled in any news subscriptions. For 5 dollars a week, you can subscribe to The Daily Inquirer. Once a week, you will get such amazing stories like '_Bat Boy marries Shark Girl'_ and more!

Nathan: It's the Daily Inquirer but I only get it once a week? What a rip off!

Peter: If you order now, you can automatically be entered for a chance to sit through a time share!

Nathan: Let me get this straight….you absorbed a _telemarketing ability?_ How does that happen?

Peter: So how many issues can I charge you for today?

-Click-

6:10pm

Claire: Hey Peter, what's up?

Peter: Hello Miss Bennet. I wanted to inform you about our new special for The Daily Inquirer. 12 issues for the price of 24? That's double the spending!

Claire: What happened to you being a nurse?

6:15pm

Niki: No.

Peter: I didn't even get to offer you anything!

Niki: I'm up to my ears in sales pitches.

Standing next to Niki is Matt, wearing a Girl Scout's uniform.

Matt: _Please! Just buy one box!!_ Or my Brownie Master will break my legs! (sobs)

Niki: NO!

---

Nathan: I found a way out.

Peter: Sweet, let's try this again.

Back at the apartment.

Steven: Looks like the Police are here.

Niki: Who called the police?

Mohinder and Matt shrug.

Niki: This is a giant mess.

Micah: Hey, I know how we can pass the time until we get rescued!

Micah runs over to the closet and pulls out a game.

Matt: Yay! A game!

Micah puts the game on the table.

Niki: '_Heroes: The Board Game'?_.....Seriously?

Micah: Okay, I'll dig out the rules. You guys pick your characters.

Mohinder: I'll be Adam Monroe.

Matt: I call Caitlin.

Niki: What?

Niki looks on the front of the box with the label '_Season 2 All Stars Edition'_.

Niki: What a rip off!

Matt: I don't care what anybody says. I actually liked Caitlin. So sweet and innocent, her and Peter made a great couple.

Matt leans over to a framed Glamour Shot of Peter on the coffee table.

Matt (Irish accent): _Aye, Peter. You know that I've always been in love with yah. It's nice to have a big strong man around to protect me from those kids who are always after me Lucky Charms!_

Niki (to Steven): If I try to run, will you shoot me?

Back in Prison…

Peter: Nathan, look!

They stumble upon a room with Martok's body in it.

Peter: They have a cafeteria!

Nathan: Uh…right….There's Martok…go kill him….or…whatever.

Peter: I can't kill him….it…is not in my nature.

Nathan: He's already dead, Peter! Just drive a stake through his heart so we can go home already!

Peter: Okay, I'll do it…..Can we eat first though?

Nathan: No!

Peter: But they have fried macaroni and cheese in the cafeteria!

Nathan: Uh….

20 minutes later.

Peter: That was delicious!

Nathan: I agree!......Okay, now kill him!

Peter: Okay, here goes….

Peter reaches down and picks up a wooden stake that just happened to be lying on the floor. He places the stake over Martok's heart.

Peter: It's strange, I would've thought it'd been more difficult to break in here.

Nathan: Funny how things work out like that. DO IT!

Peter: Did you want to say any last words?

Nathan: Yeah….DO IT!

Peter: …._Can I offer you any of our specials for The Daily Inquirer?_

Nathan: DO IT NOW, PETER!

Peter: Okay, Okay….

Peter raises the stake. He plunges it down.

Nathan (voice): _I'm still alive!_

Peter: AAAIIIEEE! (drops the stake)

Peter shoots a look at Nathan, who's trying not to laugh.

Peter: Don't do that! Jerk!

Nathan: I'm sorry, I'm sorry!...(chuckle)….

Peter picks the stake back up….he raises it…..and plunges for the heart. _Martok's hand shoots up and grabs Peter's wrist._

Nathan passes out.

Peter: Very funny, Nathan….I'm not going to be the boy who cried 'flopping dead corpse'.

Martok: I…..you must know……the secret….

Peter: That's pretty good, Nathan….but you're no Jeff Dunham….

Martok: I'm actually alive, you moron!

Peter: AIIIEE!

Martok: But not for long….you must know the repercussions of your actions if you go through with this.

Peter: Explain yourself, zombie.

Martok rolls his eyes.

Martok: If I die naturally, my power will manifest itself onto my blood relative, many years from now. But this power is a curse….if you kill me intentionally, you will obtain the curse yourself….and you can never get rid of it.

Peter: Until I die naturally or someone kills me and then they get it.

Martok: Well, that's true….

Peter: I must do this…I must save the world…..

Martok: Then do what you must…..free me from my curse….

Peter: I'll do it….

Peter plunges the stake into Martok's heart. The rooms starts to shake, a blue-ish fog seeps out of Martok's body and absorbs itself into Peter's skin.

Peter: Ooh! Maybe I got another one of those cool tattoos.

Peter looks at his forearm as a tattoo of _Mrs. Frizzle from the Magic School bus_ appears.

Peter: Oh man, that's never going to come off!

Peter runs over to Nathan.

Peter: Nathan, wake up! It's me! We're related!

Nathan: Unfortunately.

Peter: Come on, bro. I think we better get out of here before….

Peter and Nathan disappear into thin air.

Back at the apartment.

Micah: Okay, it's been almost an hour, but we finally got this board game set up. Mohinder is Adam Monroe, Matt is Caitlin, I'll be Wes…mom? Who do you want to be?

Niki: I'll be me.

She pulls out a miniature Niki figure from her pocket and places it on the board.

Mohinder: Uh….

Micah: Okay….I guess that works. Mohinder, you can go first.

Mohinder rolls the dice…..an 11.

Micah: _You Win!_

Niki: WHAT!?

Matt: Oooh, good roll, Mohinder!

Mohinder: Thanks!

Niki: Back up! How did he win?

Micah: Those are the rules mom. You have to make it around the board three times, take the ladder, or chute, to the middle, get all 6 colored pie pieces, defeat Sylar, save Claire, sink the battleship, purchase all 4 rail roads, and find out who murdered Mr. Boddy……or you can roll an 11 and automatically win the game.

Niki: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard….do over!

Micah: Okay, here we go. Round Two….this time…you cannot automatically win by rolling an 11.

Niki: Thank you.

Micah: You may roll first, mom.

Niki rolls the dice.

Niki: Matt, you're closer, can you move me 5 spaces.

Matt moves Niki's piece to a space with an Eclipse on it.

Matt: Oooh! You get to draw a 'Fate' card. I got it!

Matt picks a card from the pile.

Matt (reading card): _While trying to save Monica Dawson, you end up getting blown up in the process._ Go back to start…._Ooh, sucks to be you._

Niki: _Give me that! _(RIP! RIP! RIP!)

Back in the past, in the courtyard. Peter and Nathan appear and fall to the ground.

Peter: OW!

Nathan: OOF!

Peter: Well, at least we are safe.

Peter and Nathan slowly turn around to see a large group of people. Kyle, Ando, King Hiro and The Executioner are waiting on a platform.

Peter: Well, at least we have our health.

Nathan: Groan…..

Apartment!

Police: Okay, Steven, this is the police! Release the hostages and we promise not to arrest you too much.

Steven: ….

Matt: You better do what he says….those are my brothers out there and they do not like to wait.

Niki: I thought you weren't on the force anymore?

Matt: Well, I did take some time off because of my….problem…..

---

Matt is sitting in a room with some other people. They are sitting in a circle. Matt stands up.

Matt: Hi…I'm Matt…..

People: Hi Matt.

Matt: And I have an addiction….

---

Niki: Wait! Wait! I'm stopping you there. Are you referring to that whole thing where you think that reading people's minds is an _'addiction'_ and you went to went to _'AA'_ or something and got a sobriety chip and everything?

Matt: That would be the one. I've been sober…I mean, I haven't read anybody's minds…in….oh crap, I lost count.

Mohinder: In his defense I don't think they have _Telepathic's Anonymous. _Maybe I can start that….it would be vital to my research…..it would be _extraordinary_!

Niki: You never read people's minds or use your powers or we'd never be in messes like these, give me that chip!

Matt: NO! Get your own!

Niki: Give it!

Matt: NO!

Niki: Give me that chip!

Matt: Ahh! Get away!

Prison!

Peter and Nathan join Kyle and Ando on the execution stand. The villagers are gathered around.

Ando: I didn't know you guys were here too!

Nathan: Don't ask….it's been a long trip.

Peter: Who comes out to watch these things? You people sicken me!

Nathan: (To Kyle) And where did you go?!

Kyle: While you two were arguing I snuck off to see if I could find Martok's body.

Nathan: We'll we stumbled upon it.

Kyle: You did?

Nathan: Yup, Peter took care of it.

Peter: And now, I'm cursed or something.

Nathan: Huh?

Peter: While you were unconscious, Martok came back alive for a second.

Kyle: That's strange.

Peter: He said that since I plunged the stake in him, now I have inherited his powers or something.

Kyle: That's not good.

Nathan: We can talk about this later, we need to find a way out of here.

Hiro: Villagers! I, your loyal King, present to you these traitors. They will be executed so they can no longer…be traitors.

Nathan: Well said. (Rolls Eyes)

Peter: I have an idea….it's just crazy enough to work.

Peter concentrates and vanishes into thin air. The crowd gasps. Peter appears right behind the crowd.

Peter: Uh…Hi!

5 minutes later.

Hiro: Villagers! I, your loyal King, present to you…_This Witch!_

Peter: Crap…

Nathan: You are on a roll with these good ideas, huh?

Peter: What's with this curse anyway? It's only a rip-off of Hiro's powers.

Kyle: It's more than that. Much more……

Peter: Well, that answers all my questions. Time to try this again.

Peter teleports to the opposite end of the courtyard.

Crowd: GASP!

Hiro: Seize him!

The guards run toward Peter, who grabs a sword which just happens to by lying there.

Peter: En Guard and whatnot!

Peter clashes swords with the other guards. Nathan wiggles his hands out of his restraints. He unties Kyle.

Kyle: Watch out!

Nathan spins around to see Hiro lob a battle axe at Nathan. Nathan grabs Kyle and takes off into the air.

Ando: Now, how wants to save Ando? Anybody?

Peter races up the stairs to the execution platform where Hiro turns around.

Peter: Okay, Hiro…I know that's not you…..and if movie clichés have taught me anything….it's that your crown must be the source of your mind control.

Ando: Seriously?

Peter and Hiro start dueling with their swords. Ando is still in restraints.

Ando: So much violence…..AHH! (swerves to the side, avoiding a blade). Hey! Watch where you're swinging those things!

Hiro takes a slash at Peter, knocking his sword away.

Hiro: You will die at the hands of I, the Royal King!

Peter: Okay, that's starting to get annoying.

Hiro starts to attack Peter, Nathan drop down behind Hiro and holds a knife to his neck.

Hiro: Guards!....Hello?! Guards?

Nathan: Now what?

Peter: Destroy his crown!

Nathan: The source of his villainy is his crown?! Give me a break!

Peter: Just do it!

Nathan taps the crown on Hiro's head, it falls off and shatters into a million pieces.

Ando: That wasn't very exciting.

Hiro collapses on the ground.

Ando: Hiro!

Hiro: Huh….what?.....Where am I?

Nathan: Ah, another predictable happy ending….

Peter: _Thanks to The Powerpuff Girls!_

Nathan: WHAT?!

Hiro: What's going on?

Nathan: It's a long story, let's just get the hell out of here. Hiro, we are stuck in the past, I'll let you take us back since somebody isn't very good at it yet.

Peter: Dude, Ando is standing _right there._

Nathan: Ugh! Let's just go. Oh, and don't forget to pick up Kyle…..

Peter: That would be pretty stupid.

Back in the present, Steven is standing outside the window. The cops still haven't done anything yet. Mohinder is reading a book, Micah is watching tv, Matt is asleep, Niki is drinking something.

Niki: Ugh, this day will never end.

Suddenly, Nathan, Peter, Hiro, Ando and Kyle teleport into the room.

Steven: Kyle?

Kyle: Dad!

Peter: No need to worry, your son is no longer crazy. We stopped the curse and….I have it now?....Hmm…..

Steven: I'm glad to hear that. Let's go home.

Steven and Kyle leave.

Kyle: See you at school tomorrow Micah.

Micah: Later.

Niki: That's it?! We've been held hostage here for hours and nobody is in trouble? What about all the police.

Matt (waking up): I'll explain that. I _convinced_ the police to not move forward, since it was only a matter of time until Peter and them got back.

Niki: You could've made him let us go, you idiot!

Matt: Water under the bridge, Niki……water under the bridge…..

Niki starts to strangle Matt.

Matt: Urrrgh!

Peter: Well, I'm glad that's over.

Nathan: What are you going to do about this curse?

Peter: We'll just see what it does to me….

Nathan: That's….being positive…I think?

Everything went back to normal for now, Steven and Kyle leave the apartment and head off. The police just turn around and leave like nothing ever happened.

Niki: That's total bull…..

Meanwhile…..

Claire is lying down in bed.

Noah: Glad to see everything is back to normal…at least until the next volume.

Claire: I know….and I have to say we were probably better off than Peter and Nathan's story.

Peter: You don't have to rub it in!

Noah: I know….Well, good night, Claire Bear….

Claire: Night, dad…..

Noah walks back into the living room. He takes a sip of his drink then checks his watch.

Noah: And 3……2…….1…….

The door flies open and outside in the pouring rain stands Elle, soaking wet.

Elle: YOU!

Noah: Please wipe your feet.

Elle: You orchestrated the whole thing, didn't you?!

Noah: You're not wiping your feet.

Elle: You hired Peter to destroy the house to trick my dad into trucking me off to Egypt! Didn't you?

Noah: Well, duh!

Elle: I'll get my revenge. Mr. Bennet….I will get my revenge.

Noah: That's nice. Well, we have a lot of work to do tomorrow. I need my top Agents to be prepared.

Elle: Yay! An assignment!

Noah: Check this out.

Elle: Huh?

Noah: The factory where Thomas Fox, who is dead and will always be dead and has no more videotapes to speak of, had his remnant prime robot clones…

Elle: Who what to the what now?

Noah: Elle! Weren't you paying any attention!?

Elle: Uh, HELLO! I was in Egypt!

Noah: Right….well, there is one left……only one…it's of someone we know..…and my intel has informed me that this particular clone…is working with Sylar.

Elle takes a look at the paper.

Noah: We start tomorrow morning…

Elle (looking at the picture): ….._Holy sh…_

-_End Of Volume Five-_

-_Volume Six: Retribution-_

Nathan opens his eyes…….he is in a room he doesn't recognize…..

Nathan: Ugh….uhhh…..huh?

He tries to move his arms….

Nathan: What the hell?

He realizes he is in a bed, his arms and legs are tied to the post.

Nathan: Seriously? A _Misery parody_? That's been done like, a thousand times!

He notices that pictures of himself are pasted everywhere around the room. He whips his head to the right, and spots a framed picture from his wedding, where some woman's face was replacing Heidi's.

Nathan: This is not good….

The door opens, a woman steps in, she is holding an axe.

Nathan: ………I'm pretty sure _Misery _didn't go like this…..

---

On The Next Volume:

Announcer: I would like to announce The new Mayor of New York…._Nathan Petrelli_.

People clap!

Angela: You know that if you want things done right, you are definitely going to want me on the team.

Nathan: Uh huh…..

In the middle of the night, Angela throws a body over the bridge into the river. Then speeds away.

Peter is walking down the hall in the hospital wearing a white coat.

Claire: _You're a doctor?!_ How did you go from Nurse to Paramedic to Doctor in like, 3 years?

Peter: I'm just cool like that…..But I want you to be my intern, it'll be fun!

Claire: Hospital work?

Peter: We can save people, Claire….it'll be cheating…but for a good cause.

Claire, in a candy striper uniform, is injecting some of her blood into a dying patient.

Noah: Sylar is on the run, we will stop him, I'm getting you some new recruits.

Elle: Yay!

Noah: Which you will train.

Elle: Ugh!

Noah: The _Company-Deux_ will be born….

Elle: That's not the name I would've chosen.

Haitian: Who are we training?

Mohinder, Matt, and Niki slow motion walk into the room.

Matt: Do we have to walk like this? It's making my leg cramp!

Sylar: You will never stop me, Noah. For I have formed _The League Of Villainous Evil!_

Sylar's assistant: Of _LOVE_ for short.

Sylar: Really?....Hmm….I don't think I care for that.

Micah and Molly are walking through the halls of Junior High.

Micah: This is pretty strange.

Molly: I know….how many episodes do you think it'll take us to get kidnapped this time?

Micah: I'm shooting for 5.

Micah walks into the Counselor's office, to find….

Micah: _Monica?_

Monica: Hey, Micah!.....That's right, I am your school counselor.

Micah: I don't know if that's a good or bad thing….

Hiro: Welcome to History Class, I am your history teacher, Hiro Nakamura.

Hiro meets with Ando.

Ando: You have a pretty sweet gig. You can go back and look at History then talk about it…..pretty cool.

Hiro: There's something wrong with my power, I can't seem to control it!

Monica: Why is Genghis Kahn in the school cafeteria?

_The New Volume starts next week._ _Thanks for reading!_


	17. The Object Of My Obsession

-_The Heroes Parody Project-_

Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright of NBC, Tim Kring, and anybody else associated with the show. I do not own Heroes, nor have nothing to do with the show, cast, or crew. Any similarities of any real life people, living or dead, is completely coincidental.

_-Volume Six "Retribution"-_

Nathan opens his eyes…….he is in a room he doesn't recognize…..

Nathan: Ugh….uhhh…..huh?

He tries to move his arms….

Nathan: What the hell?

He realizes he is in a bed, his arms and legs are tied to the post.

Nathan: Seriously? A _Misery parody_? That's been done like, a thousand times!

He notices that pictures of himself are pasted everywhere around the room. He whips his head to the right, and spots a framed picture from his wedding, where some woman's face was replacing Heidi's.

Nathan: This is not good….

The door opens, a woman steps in, she is holding an axe.

Nathan: ………I'm pretty sure _Misery _didn't go like this…..

She steps toward Nathan, alongside the bed reads:

_-Chapter Seventeen "The Object Of My Obsession"-_

The woman raises the axe…and swings it down towards Nathan.

= = = As the world turns, meanwhile I've ran out of Eclipse jokes! _Heroes_ = = =

_48 Hours Earlier_……

_Claire Bennet  
The Bennet Home  
Sawing Logs_

Claire wakes up early Monday morning. She stretches her arms, and crawls out of her bed.

Claire (walking out onto the balcony): Ahh! It's such a perfect morning! The sun is shining and the birds are singing….

She spots a bird hovering over her head, looking suspicious.

Claire: Good morning, Mr. Bird! Isn't it such a beautiful day?....(Looking Up)…..What the…?

_SPLAT!_

Claire: ……AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

_SHOWER!_

Claire (drying her hair): Real mature, writers…….real mature…….

Claire steps back onto the balcony.

Claire: Well, that wasn't pleasant….but it still doesn't change the fact that it's such a B-E-A-utiful day!

A guy rides by on a bike.

Guy: Milk Man!

He throws a bottle of milk which crushes into Claire's face, spilling milk everywhere.

Claire: uh…_OW!_

_SHOWER!_

Claire carefully walks onto the balcony with an umbrella.

Claire: Let's try this one more time…..Ah….it sure is nice out here.

An army of Claire's forest animal friends gather outside in front of her balcony.

Claire: This is more like it.

Claire spreads her arms as the birds lower her robe down onto her….except that it's actually a red flannel shirt filled with holes!

Claire: _WHAT THE!?_

Claire storms downstairs into the kitchen. The Bennets are eating breakfast.

Noah: Morning Claire-Bear…

Sandra: Morning Claire!

Lyle: Hey, weirdo…

Peter (wearing a frilly pink robe): _Morning Princess!_

Claire: Peter, what are you doing with my robe?!

Peter: Must have been a miscommunication with our Forest Animal Friends….

Claire: Uh huh…..

Noah: Well, if you'll excuse me family….I have…._work_….to do….(Shifty eyes)

He gets up and walks into the Library (which was recently installed), and searches through some of the books.

Noah: Let's see…..here!

He pulls a book, which swivels the bookcase around into a secret room. Noah proceeds down the hallway and slides down a pole to a lower level where he comes across a set of security markers.

Door: _ENTER PASSCODE…_

Noah presses in 4 numbers….beep….beep….beep…beep…..

Door: _ACCESS GRANTED…_

Noah enters the second room.

Door: _PALM SCAN REQUIRED_…

Noah places his hand on the sensor and proceeds into the third room.

Door: _RETINAL SCAN REQUIRED…_

Noah passes the final test and enters the next room…._The Bennet's Kitchen!_

Peter: _Morning Princess!_

Noah: CRAP!

_Micah and Molly  
Eastlake Junior High  
An F Minus for you…and an F minus for you…F! F! F!_

The school bus pulls away as Micah and Molly stand in front of their new school.

Micah: Well, this is it……Junior High….

Molly: Yes….I was wondering if we were ever going to grow up and do something else besides being imprisoned for hours on end.

Micah: I know! Now we get to take these classes…..and study…..and take tests……for hours on end……

Molly: Hmm…..

Micah: Oh well…..

On the opposite side of the school. A bus pulls away as Hiro and Ando are in front of the school.

Hiro: Well, this is it…..Junior High….

Ando: Why did we sign up to be teachers again?

Hiro: Don't you get it, Ando? We can share our experiences with this new generation. Because you know what they say…'_The Children Are Our Future'_…

Ando: I've never heard that.

Hiro: Imagine it….me, a History Teacher! I can go back in time…..and go in-depth with my teaching to the kids! It'll be the best History Teacher in the history of forever!

Ando: I'm sure the other History Teachers will just love you.

Hiro: And with you as my teacher's assistant, we can make this the best year ever!

Ando: Yay…..I think.

_Nathan Petrelli  
The Mayor's Office  
As the new Mayor Of New York…since Mayor McCheese met an unfortunate demise._

Nathan (wiping his face with a napkin): ….WHAT? I didn't do it…….

Angela (walking in): Good Afternoon…._Mayor._

Nathan: What is it, ma?

Angela: I just wanted to come down and visit my number 1 son, that's all.

Nathan: You're only saying that because I'm the mayor….

Angela: Well….yeah……

Nathan: ….

Angela: Anyway Nathan, I was hoping we could….have some lunch and maybe discuss some things.

A woman runs into Nathan's office.

Sally (the secretary): Did you say lunch? I have your lunch here, Mr. Petrelli, The Mayor, Sir. A turkey sandwich, no crust, served with a side of Cheetos. And I've taken the liberty of wiping down each individual Cheeto because I know how much you hate _Cheeto Residue_.

Angela: Uh…what?

Nathan: No, thank you, Sally. I'll be going to lunch with my Mother….but thanks though….

Sally: Anything for you, Mayor…..(sigh)….

Angela: Oh brother…..

Nathan: Where do you want to go?

Angela: I know this nice coffee shop, downtown.

At the Coffee Shop, _Central Perk_, Angela grabs a broom and confronts a group of _Friends_ sitting there.

Angela: We'll be taking this couch now, _SHOO! SHOO!_

The friends scurry off as Angela and Nathan sit on the couch.

Nathan: What did you want to talk to me about, ma?

Angela: Well, as we all know….you…..are the Mayor.

Nathan: Duh!

Angela: And I was thinking what would go great with the Mayor…..is a great…..Mayor's Assistant.

Nathan: I have Sally.

Angela: She's a twit……and there's something about her that I just don't trust……you better watch yourself around her Nathan.

Nathan: I'll be fine…..and if there's anyone with ulterior motives that I should watch out for….it's you.

Angela: HMPH! I didn't come here to be insulted…..I'm going to slap you now….

Angela digs through her purse.

Angela: Give me a glove to slap you…..I'm fresh out.

Nathan: Ugh…..

Back at the Bennet's, Claire is brushing her hair…..

Claire: 4998……..4999…….5000!

Peter grabs a comb.

Peter: ….1…..whew…..that was a chore….

Claire: Peter, you never answered me…..Why are you here?

Peter: Oh what, Elle can stay here but I can't?

Claire: Actually, now that you mention it….it has been a while since I've seen her. I mean, she's back from Egypt and all……eh, not going to worry about it.

Peter: Besides, I love the cooking!

Claire: Really?

Peter: And the family….

Claire: _Really?_

Peter: And Mr. Muggles….

Claire: _Seriously?_

Peter: But more importantly, I have a big day today….it's my first day back to work…..saving lives…..

Claire: Oh, that's cool…..Back as a nurse?

Peter: Nope.

Claire: ….Paramedic?

Peter: Nope!

Claire: …..well, you can't be a….

Peter: That's right! It's my first day on doctor duty!

Claire: _You're a doctor?!_ How…..what……that doesn't make sense…..

Peter: Of course it does, I have experience…..

---

Peter: That woman's choking! Don't worry! I know Medical Things!

Peter: I just came back with your results. The good news is that your test came back Negative…..however, the test is only 50 percent accurate…..

Peter: Time to change your bedpan, _Mr. Devaux!_

---

Peter: See?!

Claire: Wow, you're a shoo-in….

Peter: I know!

Claire: Peter, there's a ton of schooling involved. You can't be a nurse one day….a paramedic the next day and be a Doctor after that….I've watched enough _Doogie Howser_ to know that!

Peter: Maybe you're right, Claire…….or maybe I'm wrong….

Claire: Uh….huh?

Peter: But, it can't hurt to try. But that's not the reason why I'm here.

Claire: Oh, I didn't think we were ever going to get to that.

Peter: As a doctor now….I'm going to need an assistant.

Claire: There sure are a lot of people needing assistants…..

Peter: You can be the Candy-Striper nurse, and help give out pills and whatnot.

Claire: Don't _I_ have to go to school for that?

Peter: I'm sure you do….but we can cross that bridge when we get there.

Claire: Yeah, I'm really not feeling comfortable with this…..AT ALL…..

_Noah Bennet  
A Huge Office Downtown  
Take that, Dunder Mifflin!_

Noah is standing in the Elevator….

Noah: Ah, I love this song….(singing to himself)…_If you like Pina Coladas…or getting caught in the rain…_

Elle: _SIR!_

Noah: EEEEEEK! (Throws his papers into the air)

Elle: Mr. B! Are you allright?

Noah: Dammit, Elle, you scared the crap out of me! What are you doing here?

Elle: I was just going to tell you that you dropped your papers!

Noah: Wait….what?....Ugh, nevermind…..

The door opens as Noah as a bunch of papers gather up, he slops them on a nearby table.

Elle: So, what is the mission today, Mr. B?

Noah: Well, you are aware that Sylar is still at large. He is working with the last of the Remnant-Prime clones…..

Elle: And we all know who that is!

Noah: Right………hmm…….anyway…….I have the Haitian doing research. But in the meantime I've come to realize that three people just isn't enough to get this job done.

Elle: _You're firing me!?_

Noah: Um….that will bring us down to two…..which isn't the direction we're going…..so no.

Elle: Oh.

Noah: So….I have some new recruits ready in the training room.

Elle: ….

Noah: ….To train.

Elle: ….

Noah: So get in there.

Elle: ….

Noah: …._and train them._

Elle: WHAT!? I can't do that! I'm a loner! I don't work with anybody!

Noah: I knew you would say that….so I was hoping this would change your mind. (He holds up a card)

Elle: _An iTunes gift card!_ I can buy things with that!

Noah: There will be more where that came from if you can get through this training.

Elle: I won't let you down!

Later, Elle has her head down on the table.

Elle: I can't do it! It's so hard! I failed!

Noah: _You haven't even gone in there yet!_

Elle: Oh right…..(She scurries away)

Inside the training room sits _Matt, Niki, and Mohinder_.

Matt: How did we get talked into this?

Mohinder: There's nothing extraordinary about any of this…..I can't possibly finish my research with these conditions.

Niki: What are you talking about? I came here alone, you two morons followed me!

Matt: We were curious…..and _The Big Bang Theory _doesn't start for another 5 hours…..

Niki: Besides, I can't have a real job, _thanks to you. _(Glares at Matt)

---

At a board meeting, Niki enters the room dressed in a fancy suit.

Niki: Gentlemen. I wanted to share with you that profits are at an all time high!

The other staff members clap. Niki starts a power point presentation.

Niki: With this in mind, all we can do now is go up! With new sales techniques and other things, Blah, blah, blah, business, blah, blah, blah…..

Outside, Matt and Mohinder are waiting in the courtyard.

Matt: Will she ever be done? I'm hungry!

Mohinder: Just wait, she said she'll be done shortly.

Matt: Ugh…..

Mohinder: What are you doing?

Matt (looking at his reflection on the wall): I have this pimple on my forehead, it is just the worst….

Mohinder: Do you have to do that here?

Matt: I mean it's really noticeable….I think I can pop it!

Mohinder: That is disgusting! Don't do that in public!

Matt: Almost!....Ergh! This is so difficult! And painful!....

Niki: And another thing….

Niki stops and looks in horror as _Matt is staring through the reflective glass window _at himself.

Niki: Oh my god……

The staff members turn and stare at Matt, Niki turns white.

Matt: Mohinder! Help me out here, man!

Mohinder: NO!

Staff member: Isn't that your roommate? Miss Sanders?

Niki: No….just some hobo……Don't mind him….heh, heh…..

Matt: There!

Staff: _GASP!_

Niki passes out.

---

Matt: I think you were overreacting.

Niki: Shut your face.

Elle enters the room.

Elle: Good Morning, class. I'm Miss Bishop…..you can call me, Elle…….or Princess……or hot stuff……whichever suits you.

Niki: We all know who you are, and we'll be calling you just '_Elle'_.

Elle grabs a piece of chalk and attempts to write her name on the chalk board.

_SCCRRREEEEEEEEEE!_

Matt: AHH!

Niki: Ugh!

Mohinder: My ears!

Elle: Well, the chalk works! Let's get down to business!

The chalk board turns into the chalk board _in Hiro's subplot_, he and Ando are in class.

Hiro: Good morning, Class! My name is Mr. Nakamura, but you can call me Hiro……_or Princess…or hot stuff_…whichever suits you.

The kids look at each other.

Hiro: And this is History 101. Any questions?

Kid raises his hand.

Hiro: Yay! A question! Yes….um….(looks at the roll sheet)…..Billy?

Billy: Yeah, can we get a teacher that doesn't suck?

The kids laugh.

Hiro: Ando, if I'm not mistaken. I think that was a joke _at my expense!_

Ando: You'd be correct.

Another kid: Good assumption there, Einstein!

The kids laugh again.

Hiro: This is bad, Ando….the kids are turning against us.

Ando: Kids can be so cruel.

On the opposite end of the school. Micah walks into the counselor's office.

Micah: Hello? I needed to get my class schedule.

The chair swivels around to reveal _Monica Dawson,_ Micah's cousin from Louisiana.

Micah: _Monica?_

Monica: Micah? Hey! How have you been? It's been ages!

Micah: Good….Uh….are you the counselor?

Monica: Sure am! Any problems you got, anything with your classes, you can come to me. I have your schedule right here, I just got off the phone with your mom not too long ago…..and uh….yeah…._about that_….

Micah: Don't ask.

Monica: But….

Micah: I know…

Monica: I'm pretty sure she…

Micah: She didn't.

Monica: I see….well…..okie dokie then……Here you go.

Micah: Thanks…..And your ability?

Monica: Going just fine. I finished watching TNT's Steven Segal / Jean Claude Van Damme's action packed marathon this weekend. So I am always up to date with the latest butt kicking powers.

Micah: The latest, huh?......Well…..good luck with that.

He turns and walks out of the room.

Back downtown, Angela is walking into Nathan's office. She stops at Sally's desk.

Angela: ……

Sally (fawning over a picture of Nathan on her desk): Sigh……Swoon….

Angela: _Excuse me!_

Sally: Uh huh?

Angela: I have an appointment with The Mayor……Shouldn't you be acting more professional or something?

Sally: Go on in.

Angela: Whatever….

Angela walks into Nathan's office he is on the phone.

Nathan: Okay….that'll work….goodbye…..Oh, hello again, ma.

Angela: Well?

Nathan: Well what?

Angela: Have you thought about my proposition?

Nathan: You being the _Mayor's assistant?_....Yeah….I said no…..without missing a beat…..we had this conversation yesterday before lunch.

Angela: Nathan, you are the mayor, you need to start making wiser decisions. You need me on your side….not that airhead who clearly has the hots for you!

Nathan: Sally? Oh, please…She isn't a threat! And she….might….have a little crush.

Sally: Here's your coffee Mr. Petrelli…..We ran out of coffee stirrers so I used my finger….I hope you don't mind!

Angela: Ew…..and Ow…….

Sally: Bye! (Blows him a kiss and closes the door)

Nathan: See?

Angela: _SEE!? _How can you not notice that she's a total nutjob!

Nathan: Ma, I will not have you making rude comments about my staff! Now please…..

Angela: Are…..you _dismissing me?_

Nathan: Yes.

Angela: Okay Nathan…..but just so you know that woman cannot be trusted! Be careful.

Nathan: Sure.

Angela leaves the office.

Meanwhile…

Elle: Okay, peons. This is your first lesson. Now I need a volunteer.

Matt: OOH! ME! ME! ME!

Elle: Okay, Parkman…..come on up.

Matt: Yes!

Matt walks up. Elle takes out a sharpie and draws on Matt's eyebrows, making them a little thicker.

Niki: What the hell?

Elle: I present to you…._Sylar._

Matt: Yay! I'm a villain!

Niki: WHAT?!

Elle: This is our target, you two…..(To Niki and Mohinder)….have to catch him……GO!

They all just stand there. Elle observes. Noah walks in.

Noah: How's it coming along?

Elle: Watch.

Niki: This is so stupid…..

Niki walks up to Matt/Sylar.

Matt: Hi Niki! Better watch out….I'm going to eat your brain!

Niki: We already clarified that _he doesn't do that!_

Matt: Who doesn't do what?

Niki slaps her forehead.

Matt: Gotta catch me!

Niki puts her hand on Matt's shoulder.

Niki: There.

Elle: Oh, _she's good._

Noah nods his head.

_Peter and Claire  
St. Mark's Hospital  
Take that, Princeton Plainsboro_

Claire walks out of a room wearing her nurse's uniform. She walks up to _Dr. Petrelli._

Peter: That's _Doctor Petrelli to_….oh wait….no, you got that right….

Claire: I don't know, Peter….I feel kinda….out of place here. I don't think anybody likes me.

Peter: Since when did you base your actions on what people thought?

Claire: 2 words…._Highschool…Cheerleader. _Don't you know anything!?

Peter: I'm pretty sure that's 3 words.

They are approached by another doctor.

Dr. Munroe: Well, well, you must be the new doctor….and nurse…..

Peter: What gave us away?

Dr. Munroe: The name is Robert Munroe….I can already tell that we're going to be enemies.

Peter: Aw….wait….what?

Dr. Munroe: A lot of people here don't like the fact that somehow you two were able to just waltz right onto the hospital scene.

Claire: Does that really matter? I mean it's about the patients.

Dr. Munroe: No. It's not. It's about how far you get in life and what you have to do to get there.

Claire: What a crappy mission statement.

Peter: Are you sure we can't be friends?

Munroe gets in Peter's face.

Munroe: I don't like you, Petrelli. I will never like you.

Peter (to Claire): _Bad Breath alert! This man needs a Tic Tac…stat!_

Claire hands him one.

Munroe: _How_ would you like it if some _Half-wit Hardly _capable _Has-_been just so _Happened_ to _Haphazardly_ take your _Hospital_ credibility from all these _Horribly _sick patients and my peers. _Huh?_

Peter, holding his breath, slowly lifts the Tic Tac and tries to wedge it into Munroe's mouth while he rambles.

Munroe: _How_ can anybody like it? _Who _in their right mind would?_ How_ about _her? _Or _Him?_ Or _Horace, _the janitor who is a _Happy_ _Hospital Helper?_ _He _wouldn't think it was funny?And if so, _He _would laugh like _HA! HA! HA!_

Peter: I think I'm going to die….

Claire shakes her head.

Angela leaves a department store and notices Sally eating with someone for lunch.

Angela: I shouldn't eavesdrop…._but I do have my kit with me._

Angela sneaks over behind a bush and sets up her spy equipment.

Sally: So, do you really think it would work?

Man: Of course. Nathan Petrelli has to be removed from office. And I just know how to do it.

Angela: Interesting.

Sally: I mean, yeah, I've been obsessed with him. But I would much rather see _you in the Mayor's seat._

Angela: That doesn't make any sense….

Man: I need you to keep prying for information that we can use against him.

Sally: Well, his obnoxious mother won't stop visiting him. We can call him a _mama's boy!_

Angela: _Death!_

Man: No, we'll need something more. We can force him to resign….

Sally: How?

Man: By this video of course…..

The man pulls out a dvd player and plays the infamous scene where _Nathan was sleeping with Niki/Jessica._

Sally: Hmm…..Blackmail? I love it.

Angela: _They totally stole that from Season 1_! Amateurs…..

Sally: What was that? It sounded like a bush was spying on us…

Man: Nevermind that. Get Petrelli alone….do what you have to do to make him resign…._go to desperate measures if you have to._

Sally: Don't worry…._I know what to do_.

Angela: I have to warn Nathan!

Vendor: _Funnel Cakes! Get your funnel cakes! _Nothing distracts you from warning your son about a potential threat that can cost him his important Government position like a _Funnel Cake!_

Angela: Okay, I'll have one…..or two….._oh that's heavenly…_

Later….

Angela runs into Nathan's office.

Angela: Nathan! Bad news!

Nathan: You didn't get me a funnel cake?

Angela: _Dammit!_

Later….

Angela: Walking into Nathan's office, past Sally who just delivered his coffee.

Angela: Here.

Nathan: Oh, these are heavenly.

Angela: I know…..You have to fire that woman!

Nathan: Ma, we've been over this!

Angela: I was spying on her. And she's going to blackmail you! And other bad things!

Nathan: That is enough! Please leave….and thank you for the funnel cake.

Angela: I'll find a way to get you out of this. Just leave it to your mother.

She storms out. Nathan takes a sip of his coffee….

Nathan: Uh…..uhhhh….errghh…..

The room starts to spin. Nathan collapses on the floor.

A few hours later…

Nathan opens his eyes…….he is in a room he doesn't recognize…..

Nathan: Ugh….uhhh…..huh?

He tries to move his arms….

Nathan: What the hell?

He realizes he is in a bed, his arms and legs are tied to the post.

Nathan: Seriously? A _Misery parody_? That's been done like, a thousand times!

He notices that pictures of himself are pasted everywhere around the room. He whips his head to the right, and spots a framed picture from his wedding, where some woman's face was replacing Heidi's.

Nathan: This is not good….

The door opens, a woman steps in, she is holding an axe.

Nathan: ………I'm pretty sure _Misery _didn't go like this…..

She steps toward Nathan. Stepping out of the shadows, it's _Angela_.

Nathan: _Ma?!_

Angela: You're lucky I did my research and found you here at that psycho woman's apartment.

Angela raises the axe…and swings it down towards Nathan. The cuts off the ropes.

Nathan: What's going on?

Angela: Well, I did some more spying on _your girlfriend_, and found out that she was going to try to blackmail you out of office.

Nathan: With what?

Angela: That scene of you and _Jessica Sanders_ at the hotel!

Nathan: _From Season 1?!_

Angela: Precisely.

Nathan: Oh man…..

Angela: I told you! You need to start trusting your mother on these things. I'm the only one who can protect your from these insane people.

Nathan: Maybe you're right…..I thought Sally was a good person….

Angela: She's not! You need to have her arrested and thrown away. (she removes the rest of the ropes).

Nathan: You're right, again.

Angela: So…..

Nathan: …..You're hired.

Angela: Good. Now clean up this room. It's a mess!

Nathan: _This isn't my bedroom._

Elsewhere, Elle is driving a jeep through an obstacle course of some sort, carrying a rocket launcher. Niki and Matt hide behind a cardboard box to take cover. Mohinder is hidden elsewhere, with a tape recorder.

Mohinder: Okay….no better time to record another monologue.

Mohinder: _They say that obsession is harmful to the body. But what exactly is wrong with it? When do we reach the point when we want something so badly that it evolves from being a goal…into something that consumes your entire being…_

Matt: I don't think this box is going to take that rocket blast.

Niki: You're right, you better run to another place.

Matt: Right!

Matt takes off while Niki watches.

Matt: AHH! It's coming right toward me!

_KA-BOOOOM!_

Hiro is writing some stuff on the chalk board while getting crap thrown at him.

Mohinder: _Maybe you want to find your way, a future that you can welcome with open arms…_

Claire is holding a clip board while Peter gets in a fight with a snack machine.

Mohinder: _Still on the path to find yourself. It's a one way road…but you still feel lost…_

Angela and Nathan watch while Sally is placed into a police car and drove away.

Mohinder: _An object of our obsession can be obtained with little strife. But do the ends justify the means?_

Noah sits at his computer, staring at some more pre-cognitive artwork sent to him. He glances at Sylar's file.

Mohinder: _But for some of us…Retribution is coming._ _It will find us._ _And it will…AHHHH! I've been caught!_

Elle: Got ya!

_KA-BOOOOOM!_

Later that night….Angela is sitting on her couch, listening to opera.

(Flashback)

Angela slowly hands Nathan his _funnel cake_.

Angela: I was spying on her. And she's going to blackmail you! And other bad things!

Nathan: That is enough! Please leave….and thank you for the funnel cake.

Angela: I'll find a way to get you out of this. Just leave it to your mother.

Nathan passes out.

(End flashback)

Angela is sitting at the coffee table placing back _all the photos of Nathan into the Family Photo album._

_To Be Continued_….

Next Week…..It's Halloween! And a 2 chapter special! (Sort of)

First….

Matt comes down with a terrible cold.

Matt: Achoo!

And in his illness induced delusional state. He accidentally traps Niki into her own Nightmare.

Niki (dressed as Wonder Woman): What the? A Halloween Party?

Some explosions happen. Everybody dies.

Niki: I had a premonition! Everybody is going to die! We have to get out of here.

Peter (as Superman): Isn't that mom's power?

Nathan (as Robin Hood): I guess….

Niki: Something's wrong…..we escaped death….but death is coming for us again. One by one!

Peter: Good going, Niki!

Matt: Yeah, way to go!

Noah: Smooth move….

_It's a total Final Destination rip-off!_ Then…..in the _non-filler chapter_….

Peter: You can use your blood to save the patients lives.

Claire: Isn't that cheating?

Hiro: I can go into the past and bring a little of it back with me. Then the kids will respect me.

Ando: Haven't the last _12 volumes _taught you anything?!

Noah: I think they are ready……we are ready to begin work on….._The Company Deux_….

Elle: God, I hate that name…..

Mohinder gets blown back through a window.

Nathan: Sally is pretty sure that she wasn't the one who kidnapped me…..

Angela: And who do you believe…..?

Nathan: ……

Peter: What's wrong with the patient?

Nurse: He's dead, but look at this…..

Claire and Peter take a look at the patient closer….

Claire: What the hell is that?

_2 new chapters, next Saturday._


	18. Final Destinations

-_The Heroes Parody Project-_

Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright of NBC, Tim Kring, and anybody else associated with the show. I do not own Heroes, nor have nothing to do with the show, cast, or crew. Any similarities of any real life people, living or dead, is completely coincidental.

Peter, Niki, Matt, Claire, and Hiro are at the movies, they are getting ready to watch _Paranormal Activity_.

Claire: Oooh! This is so exciting! I can't wait! They're saying this is the scariest movie of the decade!

Niki: Well, not like it's had that much competition….but I'm for it.

Peter: _6 dollars for a Coke?! Seriously?!_

Hiro: And there is no better time to watch a scary movie, since it is _Hero-ween_ and all.

Niki: Yeah…and…..wait….._what did you just say?_

Hiro: _Hero-ween!_

Niki: I think that's _Halloween_…..

Hiro: Nope! That's the name of the holiday special! So I'm sticking it with it.

Niki: Whatever!

She looks over at Matt, who is glued to his chair, his arms clutching the sides.

Niki: Scared?

Matt: Me? Scared? Puh-lease…..I laugh at the face of…scary movies….

Niki: You're scared.

Matt: No, I'm not! I'll show you!

Later….

Matt is curled up into the fetal position in his seat, shaking and sweating.

Niki: …..

Matt: Oh man, I don't think I can take this!

Niki: _The movie hasn't started yet!_

Dancing Candy (on screen): _Let's go out to the Lobby! And get ourselves some snacks!_

Matt: AHHHHHHHHHHH! (Turns white, passes out)

Niki reaches over and grabs Matt's wallet.

Niki: Who wants more popcorn?

Peter: I'll take some Snow Caps!

= = =_As a Jack O' Lantern rotates around, ugh! there's pumpkin goop everywhere! HEROES= = =_

_The following is a lost episode of 'Heroes' that was recently discovered in the NBC archives. _(Not really, back off lawyers!). We would like to thank the family members of the cast for letting us air this terrifying episode.

Niki walks out of the bathroom and gets ready for bed. She grabs a book off the bookshelf, the title is:

_Chapter Eighteen "Final Destinations"_

Niki: That's a stupid name for a book…..but some late night reading is always good.

She slides into bed and turns on her table lamp and curls up with her book. After a few minutes of reading it.

_AAAAAAAAAACHHOOOOOOOOO!_

Niki: What the frack?.....I'm sure it was nothing…..

_AHH…_

Niki: ….

_AHH…_

Niki: …..

_AAAAAAAACHHHHHHHHHOOOOOO!!!_

Niki swings her door open to find Matt on the couch.

Niki: You! Cretin, stop making so much noise!

Matt (out of it): Ugh….I can't help it, Niki…..I have a cold…..ughhh……(blows his nose)

Niki: Well, there's some Nyquil in the cabinet. Take it and shut up already. (Slams the door)

Niki: Now, back to my book. _Okay, Waldo, where are you?_

Matt stumbles into the kitchen and finds the Nyquil.

Matt: Spoon….spoon…….oh man, all the spoons are dirty….I guess I'll just use this.

He pulls out a _gravy ladle_ from the drawer.

Matt: Perfect, now…….He pours all of the medicine into the gravy ladle.

Matt: Ah, sweet relief…..bottoms up! (Sluuuurp).

Niki: I give up! I can't find Waldo anywhere. I'll skip to the end…….Epilogue: _For you see, you will not find Waldo in any of these puzzles. Because 'you' are Waldo, and the message here is you need to find 'yourself' before looking for_….WHAT?! That's the stupidest…..Who wrote this? I'm going to punch them in the throat!

Niki looks over in horror to find Matt passed out in her bed.

Niki: Uh…._excuse me?_

Matt: ……

Niki: _EXCUSE ME!_

Matt: ……

Niki takes her foot and gently shoves Matt off her bed.

Niki: Ugh……

Matt hops back up, completely disoriented.

Niki: Tell me you didn't use a gravy ladle to drink all the cough syrup again, right?

Matt: Don't you sass me, talking mattress!

Niki: Okay, you're done. Get out, I'm going to sleep.

Matt: Okay, I'll help.

Niki: What?

Matt raises his hand and thinks for a moment. Niki suddenly passes out……Matt collapses on the floor.

Zzzzzz

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Niki opens her eyes, she is in somebody's living room.

Niki: Ugh, what the?.....

She is surrounded by people dressed in costumes.

Niki: Oh, here we go…..

She looks down and realizes she is dressed as _Wonder Woman._

Niki: I don't remember putting this on. _Who put this on me?_

She is joined on the couch by Peter, _dressed as Superman._

Peter (Superman): Hey, Niki. You having a good time?

Niki (Wonder Woman): Where am I?

Peter: What are you talking about? You're at the Halloween Party!

Hiro (_Kensei): _It's actually _Hero-ween!_

Niki: Didn't I tell you to stop saying that?

Hiro: No.

Niki: Well……_stop saying it._

Peter: We have a lot of fun games going on. And then there's going to be a costume contest. Though it's obvious that _Mrs. Bennet_ is going to win! She does every year….

Sandra (_Paris Hilton_, _with Mr. Muggles in her bag):_ Okay, everyone, get ready, we'll be, like, starting the costume contest in about 10 mintues! It'll be hot and stuff!

Niki: I could've finished my life without witnessing that.

Niki is getting some punch when she is joined by…._Robin Hood._

Nathan (_Robin Hood): _Niki.

Niki: Mr. Hood.

Nathan: You don't strike me as the type of person who comes to these things.

Niki: I have a feeling I was forced here against my will. By an idiot……..

Matt (_Frankenstein): _BOO! Hahaha…..

Niki: Speak of the devil…..

Matt: Uh, no, Niki. I'm Frankenstein…..sheesh, take a pop culture class.

Niki slaps her forehead.

Matt: I really wanted to be the _Boo Berry_ guy, but I was him last year.

Niki: Enough of that. Matt, why am I here? What did you do to me?

Matt: Uh….The Bennet's sent you an invitation….and you showed up?........

Niki: Uh, NO! I was sitting in my bed, reading my _Where's Waldo Psychological Thriller_, and BOOM! I was here at this party.

Matt: Niki, you should really lay off the _gravy ladle filled Nyquil._

Niki: _THAT WAS YOU!_

Matt: I'm going to go over here now. Enjoy the party.

Niki: Ugh!.....And why am I Wonder Woman?....I would've much rather been Catwoman.

Elle (Catwoman): My ears are burning!

Niki: I'm not talking to you, Elle.

Elle: No, _they're really burning!_ I accidentally lit them on fire! AHHHH! Mr. B! Help!

Noah (James Bond) walks up to Elle and floods her with a fire extinguisher.

Niki: -sigh-……

Hiro and Ando (dressed as Neo from The Matrix) are talking in the kitchen.

Hiro: Ando…._The Matrix…_Seriously? Everybody's done that already!

Ando (Neo): I like it….he's cool.

Hiro: You disappoint me, Ando.

Claire walks in dressed……like a Cheerleader.

Ando: It's Claire…..dressed like _Season 1 Claire._

Claire (Cheerleader): No, I'm just a Cheerleader.

Ando: That's not very creative if you don't mind my saying so….

Claire: Well, it's more than just _any_ cheerleader outfit….it's _THE_ cheerleader outfit. This is a replica of the outfit worn by the winner of the 1989 _Cheer-lympics._

Hiro: _They have Cheer-lympics?!_

Claire: Well, duh. Let me tell you all about it….

Meanwhile, during a much more interesting conversation….

Claire: HEY!

Niki joins Matt and Mohinder on the couch.

Niki: And who are you supposed to be, Mohinder?

Mohinder (Albert Einstein) Well, isn't it obvious?

Matt: _Doc from 'Back To The Future'?_

Mohinder: _No, you fool!_ I'm the brilliant _Albert Einstein. _ One of the most brilliant minds in the galaxy…..next to mine of course.

Niki: Oh geez….

Noah walks over to Angela, who is helping herself to a Halloween cookie….before spitting it out.

Noah (James Bond): Angela…..

Angela (The Queen of Hearts): Noah, I didn't expect to see you here.

Noah: Of course I'm here, I gave you your invitation!

Angela: I see. I like your _Jason Bourne_ outfit (walks away).

Noah: _It's James Bond! Jason Bourne doesn't even wear nice suits!_.....(grumbling) Stupid Bourne…..that's why Bond is a thousand times better….Does Bourne have _M?_....or _Q?_.....or…._W_ or whoever else is on that team…..(grumbles)

Angela: That's nice…..Move, peasants! (Swings away with her Flamingo Croquet Mallet)

Sandra: Lyle, dear, can you call everyone in here for the costume contest?

Lyle (an axe through his head): Sure, I guess.

Lyle walks into the living room.

Lyle: Hey, we're judging.

He walks back in, nobody heard him.

Claire: Ugh, worthless, I'll do it.

Claire walks into the room and yells for everyone to come in. She turns around and sees Sylar.

Claire: GASP!

She grabs a tray of cookies off the table then drops them.

Claire: GASP! _Sylar! _What are you doing here?!

Sylar (as _Spock):_ Hello, Claire….

Claire: _Spock, huh?_

Sylar: Before you say anything Claire, I'm actually _not here to kill you._

Claire: What do you want? You can't stay.

Sylar: Oh, come on! Halloween is my favorite holiday!

Claire: You said the same thing when you crashed my 4th of July, Easter, and Martin Luther King Jr. day parties!

Sylar: But it's Halloween! It's scary…..I'm scary!

Claire: I find that hard to believe.

She presses 'play' on her laptop to show a video of _Sylar_ playing in the bathtub.

Sylar (singing): _Rubber ducky, you're the one! _(Squeak! Squeak!)

Sylar slams the laptop closed.

Sylar: _Where did you get that?!_

Claire: I have my sources……thought it is pretty life scarring now that I've watched that……

Sylar: Well, it doesn't matter what you do….I'm staying….and _there's nothing you can do about it._

He storms off dramatically out of the kitchen. Then comes back in.

Sylar: I forgot we're judging the costumes.

Claire: Yeah…..

Niki is gathered with everyone in the kitchen. She takes a bite of a Halloween cookie and spits it out.

Niki: Ugh, that is foul…….How do you screw up cookies?!

She glances over at Peter and does a double take, he is in the corner doing something.

Niki: Peter, what are you doing?

She walks over to him trying to dig out his waffle from the toaster…..

Niki: …._with a fork…_Wait…..AHH! _Don't do tha…_

The toaster explodes sending Niki and Peter flying across the room. Several of the other appliances short out and begin exploding one by one.

Claire: What was that?

The house begins to shake, the windows start shattering one by one.

Noah: The house is collapsing, everyone get out!

Sandra: Bye! Thanks for coming!

Noah grabs her hand and pulls her along.

Everyone is running for their lives.

Elle: The door is locked! We're trapped!

Noah: Uh….._unlock it!_

Niki comes to in the kitchen which is falling apart. She tries to wake up Peter.

Niki: Peter, we have to get out of here!

Peter (barely conscious): _But mom, I don't wanna move, all my friends go to this school!_

Niki: Well, bye then!

She gets up as the kitchen gets engulfed in flames. The house goes up in a fiery explosion that succumbs all the house guests.

Niki wakes up.

Niki: Whew it was all a dream, for a minute there I thought the Halloween Special would never end.

_She is joined on the couch by Peter, aka Superman._

Niki: Crap.

Later, after sitting with Matt and Mohinder, she starts to think.

Niki: Wait….this all seems too familiar…..oh my god, _We're all going to die!_

Matt: That's the Halloween spirit!

Hiro: _It's Hero-ween!_

Niki: _STOP SAYING THAT!_

Niki runs into the kitchen as Peter is about to place his fork into the toaster. She yanks him to the side but it's already too late. She drags him out of the room.

Niki: Everybody! The house is going to explode! We have to get out of here!

Nobody moves.

Niki: Uh….._Somebody made more Halloween cookies!_

Noah: _Not more cookies!_

Matt runs forth and body slams the door, crushing it open. Everyone starts to stampede outside. The house goes up in flames.

Elle: Oh wow….that was so close…..I almost…._ate one of those cookies. _(Cries)

Niki: Uh….explosion!? Hello?

Noah gives Elle a hug.

Noah: It's okay, you don't have to be afraid anymore….._all the cookies have been destroyed._

Niki: Uh…_along with your HOUSE!_ Am I the only one who's noticing this?

Nathan: How did you know that the house was going to explode?

Niki: _THANK YOU!_ Finally….I had….a premonition….

Mohinder: Hey, wait….

Niki: Save it, Mohinder. I can't explain it. I had a dream or something and we all died….but now I was able to prevent that. So we can get on with our lives now.

The group turns and finds Lyle on the ground in a pool of blood. Dead!

Nathan: There's an axe in his head!

Niki: I thought it was a novelty hat!

Sandra: I told him not to play with knives! He's grounded.

Noah: Don't be so hard on him Sandra, we were kids once too you know.

Niki: Uh…..forget it. Let's all just go home and pretend this party never happened.

Later that night…Ando comes over to Hiro's house.

Ando: Movie Night!

Hiro: Yes….._movie night._

Ando: So, what are we watching?

Hiro: Well, since you are _Neo_ and all….

Ando: Yes.

Hiro: Have you actually…._seen the Matrix movies._

Ando: There's more than one?

Hiro: Uh huh…..The second one is allright….but I'm going to make you watch…._The Matrix Revolutions_.

Ando: Shouldn't I watch the second one before watching the third?

Hiro: Nope. Just watch this one….then you'll change your tune about how much you love your precious Neo.

Hiro pops in the movie and hits play (on one of those prehistoric VHS players). And walks out of the room.

Ando: Aren't you going to watch it?

Hiro: I've already seen it, I'll be back shortly.

_A few hours later._

Hiro: Okay, Ando did you enjoy….

Ando's face has melted off. DEAD!

Hiro: AHHHHHHH! Oh no! Ando!....What have I done?! I subjected you to this film….and you _died of boredom!_

Ando's body falls out of the chair.

Hiro: You almost died in the explosion….only to die now…..and not that long after Lyle Bennet's death….this can't be a coincidence.

Meanwhile, The Bennet's check into a Hotel.

Noah: Well, this will be a good place to rest while our house is being rebuilt.

Sandra: I know! Oh, I just love the view….

Claire: No cable…..meh….

Sandra walks onto the balcony where a flood of Paparazzi is below.

Photographer: Look! It's _Paris Hilton!_

CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!

The flashing bulbs blind Sandra as she dizzily makes her way around the balcony, she trips over the railing and falls to her DEATH! (Splat!)

Noah and Claire run over to find Sandra on the pavement.

Noah: I told her not to dress like Paris Hilton.

Claire: Was Mr. Muggles with her too?

Noah: Yeah, but we'll say he survived the fall so we don't get any hate mail.

Claire: Hate mail? Over _Mr. Muggles?_

Noah: He has a fan base…..

Claire: Whatever.

Noah: There's something wrong……both Lyle and Sandra are dead…..I think we need to talk to Niki….

Claire: Why?

Noah: Maybe she holds all the answers…..

Claire: Or….not…..

Hiro knocks on Mohinder's apartment door. Mohinder swings the door open, startling Hiro.

Mohinder (disappointed): Oh……it's you…..come in, Hiro…..

Hiro runs in while Mohinder tries to close the door, but is stopped by Noah and Claire.

Mohinder: Oh…..you can come in too.

Claire: What's his problem?

Niki: He won some stupid award or something. It's the last thing he needs so he can rub it in our faces on what a genius he is.

Mohinder: Super Genius.

Niki: Ugh.

Noah: We wanted to talk to you.

Hiro: Yes!.....Wait….you too?

Noah: We all witness Lyle get killed…..

Niki: Which I'm still confused about that one.

Noah: But, Sandra just recently perished after falling from our hotel balcony.

Hiro: And Ando! He's dead too!

Niki: ……_so?_

Noah: You had that premonition that we all died in the explosion.

Niki: Now you remember it…..

Noah: And now we just so happened to be dying one by one…..this is more than a coincidence Niki…..

Niki: Then what is it?

Noah: I think it's _Death_…..coming to get us for a second time.

Niki: That's pretty ridiculous.

Mohinder: I got it! My _Extraordinary Achievement For Being Extraordinary_. To me…..Dr. Mohinder Suresh…..oh…..the fame….the notoriety…..I just love me and my brain so much…..ahhhh…..eeerrrrghh….eeekkk…..(cough, cough)…..bleehhhh…..

Mohinder falls back up against the wall and slides down onto the ground while everyone stares. Dead!

Noah: Poor man….._he just drowned in his own ego_.

Niki: And I thought this couldn't get any stupider…..Behold! I was wrong…..

Hiro: What are we going to do!?

Noah: I have an idea!

Noah (at Angela's Castle, yes, she still lives in one): Angela, we need to stay here for the night. It appears that death is looming over our heads.

Angela: Of course. But you'll all have to join me in a game of _Texas Hold em'. _

Claire: Wait. Are you the _Alice in Wonderland_ Queen of Hearts or the Playing Card kind?

Angela: Why not both?

Claire: Hmm.

Angela: Okay, gather around….ante up…..dueces wild…..

She shuffles the cards as one flies up and slashes her throat, which Angela clutches as blood gushes out. She falls on the floor and _DEATH!_

Noah: ….

Hiro: …..

Niki: ….hmm….Okay that one was almost as stupid as Mohinder's.

Back at the apartment.

Hiro: This is awful! We're all going to die!

Niki: Calm down…..we'll be fine. If we can just keep a clear head….we can survive this.

Hiro: Okay, I'm going to put up my sword. (Walks away)

Niki: Watch out for Matt's _Transformers_.

Hiro jumps, trying to avoid them and trips….and falls…..and gets skewered with his sword.

Matt: _DEATH!_

Everyone looks at Matt.

Matt: Fine! I'll put them up.

Matt shoves Hiro to the side as he picks his toys up.

Niki: Okie dokie then…….now where do we go?

Noah: Who hasn't died yet?

Niki, Matt, Claire, and Noah are at Peter's apartment.

Peter: You came here, to visit _me?_ That is awesome!

Nathan: Let me make sure I have this right, Niki had a premonition of our deaths, we survived, and now 'death' is out to make sure we all end up dying anyway, because that's the way to world works, you can't cheat death, natural balance, blah, blah, blah….

Niki: Pretty much….

Nathan: And you came here…..why?

Niki: ……I….don't know.

Claire: Oh my god. What if I'm next?! I don't wanna die! I'm so scared!

Matt: Hey wait, you can't die! You just grow back and stuff!

Claire: Oh yeah….I forgot about that. Okay, I'm not scared anymore.

Niki: Ugh….

There's a knock at the door. Everyone jumps to their feet.

Nathan reaches down and grabs his Robin Hood gear. He aims his bow and makes his way towards the door.

Nathan: Who is it?

Nathan still has his bow aimed at the door which flies open, knocking into the bow making it backfire into Nathan's chest. Dead!

Elle (walking in): Hey guys! Oh, man….what happened?

Noah: You just killed Nathan, good going!

Elle: It was an accident! Anyway…..I have this feeling I'm being followed. So I was hoping to hang with you guys for a while.

Claire: You know what….I think Sylar is behind all of this.

---

Sylar and Claire in the Bennet Kitchen….

Claire: What do you have to say to me, the most prettiest and coolest cheerleader…EVER!?

Sylar: You know what, Claire? If we somehow survive the imminent explosion, I'm going to kill each and every one of you in a series of elaborate and pointless deaths! HA!

---

Niki: Uh yeah….I'm sure it went just like that.

Claire: It did.

Elle: So, what should we do? We should leave the city!

Noah: That's not a bad idea.

Niki: It's _DEATH!_ It follows you wherever you go!

Peter: That's right! If we get on a train it's just going to de-rail into a nearby _Denny's_!

Niki: Uh…what?

Peter: Happens all the time.

Niki: …..

There's a sudden crashing noise, which startles Elle.

Elle: _HACK!....HACCCK!....(cough, cough)…HACK! HACCK!_

She falls over….Dead!

Niki: Did she just choke to death on a hairball?

Noah: I told her not to dress like Catwoman…

Niki: Dodged a bullet there…I guess…..

A door flies open….and enters….

Claire: _Sylar!_

Sylar: _Claire!_

Claire: _Sylar!_

Sylar: _Claire!_

Peter: _Peter!_

Claire: It's him! He's the one who is doing this!

Sylar: No, she's wrong! I almost died thrice trying to get here!

Niki: _Thrice?_

Sylar: Death is coming for us….now, I know you all hate me….

Claire: Yes.

Noah: Yes.

Niki: Uh huh….

Peter: Sure do!

Matt: I like you…..oh wait….I remember how you somehow managed to use my own power against me and do horrible, dreadful things with my wife!

---

Matt (possessed by Sylar): _Who wants to go visit your mother?_

Janice (stars in eyes): _Really?_

Matt (possessed): _Really._

---

Matt: Yeah, I don't like you.

Sylar: But we can work together….because death….will find us if we don't escape.

Niki: I guess we have no choice.

Sylar: _To the train station!_

Peter: Did you people forget what I said about trains?

A car pulls up to the station, as Matt, Sylar, Noah, Claire, Peter and Niki rush inside.

Noah: Okay, I'll get our tickets, you guys wait here.

Matt wonders off into the train station break room.

Matt: Hmm….what is this?

He notices a giant door opening into a small room. He walks inside as the door slams and the lights turn on. The room is empty aside from a large platform that begins to rotate.

Matt: Huh?

He runs to the window, falling along the platform.

Niki: Matt?.....Hey, moron……Where are you? Noah told us to stay….

She spots Matt in…..

Niki: Is that a _walk-in microwave_?......._They have those?!_

Matt: Niki! Help! It's hot…..so hot…..._gettin hot…getting so hot in here!_

Niki: _Calm down, Nelly_…..I'll find you a way out of there.

Matt: Can't you pull the door?

Niki (tugging on it): It won't budge!

Matt: Is there a button?!

Niki: I need a key.

Matt: What?!

Niki: Don't worry Matt! I'll save you! Just think….cold thoughts?

Matt combusts, blood splatters on the window.

Niki: Hmm….well, _I'm certainly not going to clean that up._

Noah: Where have you been?

Niki (coming back): Matt's dead. We need to hurry.

Noah: Let's get upstairs.

They start heading to the second floor when the building starts to shake.

Niki: _What now!?_

Sylar: It's an earthquake!

Noah: Run!

They continue upstairs, the ground opens up on the first floor and half of the building tilts. Sylar loses his footing and falls over the edge, Claire catches him.

Claire: Sylar, I can't hold on…..

Sylar: Try holding on to more than my _thumb, genius!_

Sylar looks down to find that a portion of the building is upside down, and he is hanging over a ceiling fan going at high speed.

Sylar: How is there still electricity in this building!?

Claire slips, Sylar falls into the fan. A fountain of blood sprays into the air……

Claire: …_and all over my clothes! Gross!_

Noah: We can't do this! Hurry, back to the car!

Niki: I don't know about you, but these things seem like bad ideas on what to do during an earthquake.

They hurry back downstairs and rush out of the building as it collapses.

Noah, Claire, Peter and Niki are walking down the street……

Peter: …._Singin Doo Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Doo!_

Niki slaps him in the back of the head.

Peter: OW!

Noah: Let's break into this house.

Niki: Why!?

Noah: We can phone for help.

Niki: Who are we gonna call?

Peter: _Ghostbust…_

Niki shoots a glare at Peter.

Peter: ….nevermind……spoil sport….

Niki: Everyone's dead! There's no one who can help us. Why bother trying?!

Noah: Because I don't give up. Neither should you.

Noah jumps over a fence and proceeds to head inside.

Noah: OOF!

Noah trips and lands on the ground, his top half submerged into the owner's pond.

Peter, Claire, and Niki look over the fence to see Noah, his head underwater.

Claire: Uh….dad….you want to get up there?

Peter: I'll investigate and solve this mystery.

Peter pulls out a magnifying glass….._and hurls it at Noah_.

Peter: Hmm….he's dead.

Niki: You don't know that! Go check!

Peter: But their backyard is unkempt!

Niki: GO!

Peter: Fine!

Peter hops the fence and walks over to Noah.

Peter: Hey, sport……you alive?......

He pokes Noah's sides a couple of times.

Niki: Get him out of the pool!

Peter pulls up Noah's body, and the only thing left of his head is a bloody stump.

Peter: AHHHHH!

Claire: AHHHHH!

Niki: AHHHHH!!!

Peter: I think he's dead.

Niki: DUH!

Claire: What are there piranhas in that pool!?

Peter: Looks like it.

Niki: Let's get out of here already.

Niki, Peter and Claire continue to walk.

Claire: Maybe we can get help from that school!

Peter: Claire….School is the last place you want to turn for help in a situation like this.

Niki: We have no other options.

Claire: Wait….what's that…..I hear people. Come on!

They run around a corner to find some girls during cheerleading practice.

Claire: Gasp! Look! We're saved!

Niki: I have to concur that this is scarier than death…..

Claire (yelling): _My people! I have arrived to come help you!_

Niki: Huh?

Claire runs over to the head Cheer-Queen.

Brittany: What?

Claire: Look! I'm in a cheerleading outfit! I should join you guys.

Claire's bloody dirty cheerleading outfit, no less.

Brittany: AS IF!

Niki (to Peter): People still say that?

Peter: _As if!_

Niki rolls her eyes.

Claire: Why can't I join?

Brittany: Uh, yeah right…..you would never fit in.

Claire: _But I'm beautiful and popular, dammit!_

Brittany: DENIED!

Claire: This bites….._I'd sell my soul to get on their cheer squad._

Sylar (The Devil): You rang?

Claire: Aren't you supposed to be dead?......And weren't you Spock?

Sylar: So I do both……you want to sell your soul or not?

Claire: YES!

Niki: This isn't going to turn out good.

Sylar: Sign here…..and there you go. Pleasure doing business with you.

Brittany: We changed our minds, you can be on top of the pyramid.

Niki: This'll be quick.

Claire is at the top of the cheer pyramid.

Peter: You know, I was thinking…if Claire doesn't have a soul….she doesn't have a mind of her own….which is the source of activating her power…so….

Claire falls off the pyramid and breaks every bone in her body…..and she's dead.

Niki: You got it. Let's go.

She takes Peter's arm as they head into the parking lot. Niki spots a car whose driver's door is opened. She hops in and hotwires it.

Niki: Okay, let's roll.

The two of them are driving along as the sun is coming up.

Niki: I was thinking….Halloween is over….maybe it was all just a one night curse. The sun is up, maybe we'll be okay after all….

The car dies from lack of gas.

Niki: WONDERFUL!

Peter: I'll push!

Peter gets behind the car and tries to push the car, but no luck.

Peter: ERRRRGH!

Niki (head out the window): Is that all you got? You make a crappy Superman!

Peter: This car weighs a ton!

Niki: Hmm….I guess I could put it in neutral, taking it off of park….and deactivate the emergency brake….and take my foot off the brake…..

Peter slips and slides onto the pavement.

Peter: AHH! I scraped my ankle!

Niki: Wuss! Get back in the car.

Peter: AHH! I'm bleeding! There's blood everywhere….it's so red….and bloody!

Niki: Peter, I don't have time for this.

Peter: Go without me….I'm….bleeding too much….eggh…..(Faints)

Niki looks out the window and sees Peter lying in a massive pool of blood.

Niki: Hmm….I don't see how that was possible….Hey, the car started! Maybe I can make it to a gas station.

Niki drives the car a total of ten feet before dying again. This time on top of a train track.

Niki: Well, if Driver's Ed has taught me anything it's that this isn't good. Oh well, I'll just walk.

The doors won't open.

Niki: Huh?! What?!......The doors are locked!

She unlocks them but they still won't open.

Niki notices a train coming.

Niki: Wasn't there an earthquake?! UGH!......Why are these still locked?

She sees a sign reading '_This car has child security locks installed so doors can only be opened from the outside. These locks were installed in the driver's seat in the event your child steals your car._

Niki: Well, that's stupid!

The train is coming closer.

Niki leans back and tries to kick out the window, no luck.

Niki: Oh….crap, crap, crap, CRAP!

The train crashes into the car….killing Niki inside……..

Niki opens her eyes….she is in a white room.

Niki: If I have to start all over from the party I'm going to be ever so pissed….

She gets up and is greeted by _The Haitian_.

Niki: There you are! I forgot about you! Where were you this entire time? Were you at the Halloween Party?

Haitian: No, I got an invitation but I forgot to go.

Niki: Well, that's ironic.

Haitian: I'm here to help you though…..

Niki: Aren't I dead?

Haitian: In your dream….yes…….You see, Matt accidentally trapped you into your own nightmare….the same thing that happened to Molly some years ago.

Niki: Yeah, I remember.

Haitian: Well, once he got better from his cold he had some trouble snapping you out of it. So…that's why I'm here.

Niki: For what?

Haitian: I'm going to erase the part of your memory that has this nightmare running….because if I don't get rid of it, it'll just repeat itself.

Niki: You can do that?

Haitian: I guess. Never tried it before…..so….here goes…..

He places his hand on Niki's head…..

Niki is startled out of her sleep, she is back in her bed.

Niki: Oh man…..that was awful…..

Haitian: I'm glad it worked…..

Noah: Yes, Mohinder called me when he found you in this unconscious state….

Mohinder: Luckily, Matt is better now….

Niki: Is he? (She flings her covers and walks into the living room)

Matt: Hey, Niki! Are you feeling any….(She rings his neck)…bbeeerrtteeeeehh ehhh urk….

Niki: You trap me in a nightmare like that again and I'll ring your neck!

Matt: You're already doing…that…..erk…..

There's a knock on the door, Mohinder opens it. Hiro runs in.

Hiro: Here you go, Niki. I got your mail for you.

Niki: Uh….thanks…..why?

Noah: Well, I was going to deliver it personally but….hey….

Niki: What?

Niki opens the letter for it is an invitation to _The Bennet Halloween Party._

Niki: What?

Hiro: Now, I know you're going to need a costume, they were fresh out of Catwoman so I got you _Wonder Woman!_

Niki: …….oh…..my head hurts……

Hiro: _HAPPY HERO-WEEN!_

Niki: That's it, I warned you. Now you're gonna die.

Niki chases Hiro out of the apartment.

_End…_

(The next chapter hopefully should be up either tomorrow or Monday. Happy Halloween!)


	19. The Doctor Is Out, Of His Mind

-_The Heroes Parody Project-_

_(Author Note: Yeah, I planned to publish this the same time as the Halloween chapter last week, but didn't have time to write two at once. Oh well…)_

Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright of NBC, Tim Kring, and anybody else associated with the show. I do not own Heroes, nor have nothing to do with the show, cast, or crew. Any similarities of any real life people, living or dead, is completely coincidental.

Peter: _Previously on Heroes…_

Claire: Peter, what are you doing in my house?

Peter: Recapping last week's episode.

Claire: …..

Peter: Oh! The other thing….Let's start over.

Claire: Peter, what are you doing in my house?

Peter: I'm now a doctor!

Claire: How is that even legal?

Peter: I've been promoted…and I want you as my assistant.

Dr. Munroe, enters the scene as Peter's nemesis.

Munroe: I don't know who you are….but you will not last longer than 5 minutes in this hospital.

Hiro: Here we are Ando! We're teachers! Knowledge is power!

Hiro gets a ton of crap thrown at him.

Hiro: We need another way to reach out to these kids.

Micah enters the counselor's office…..That counselor happens to be _Monica Dawson_.

Monica: That's right! I'm your counselor now. And that's also the only scene I'm in.

Nathan takes his seat as the new mayor of New York.

Angela: You need someone to accompany you.

Nathan: I have Sally.

Angela: She's a freak.

Nathan wakes up after being kidnapped, in a room full of Nathan pictures.

Noah: Sylar is up to no good….we need some new recruits.

Elle, Mohinder, and Matt sit patiently in the training room.

Angela ends the night putting away her _photos of Nathan_.

---

_Doctor Peter and Nurse Claire  
The Hospital  
Thank you for calling the Urology Lab, Can you hold? (That was really bad)_

Peter and Claire are walking down the hall.

Peter: Hmm…Interesting…..hmmm…..

Claire: What are you doing?

Peter: Checking over these patient charts.

Claire: _That's a coloring book_.

Peter: Yeah, but the other doctors don't have to know that!

Claire: Peter, I don't know about this.

Peter: What?

Claire: Us…this…..being fake doctors. What if we screw up?

Peter: We won't….and I'll show you why.

The paramedics wheel in a patient who has just been shot.

Peter: We got it from here.

Claire: ……

Peter: This is the part….where we use your blood….we make him better……

Claire: ….

Peter: And….that's it….

Claire: …..I just don't know………….

_Elle, Mohinder and Friends  
The Gilded Spork Restaurant And Bar  
Check, please!_

Elle: ………(Takes a bite of her soup)

Mohinder: …….(Takes a bite of his soup)

Niki: ……..(Takes a bite of her soup)

Matt: ……_SLLLLUUUUUURP!_

Elle: _NO SLURPING!_

Elle presses a button and gives Matt an electric shock.

Matt: AHHHHHHHHHHHH! OW! Why do you have to do that!?

Elle: It's the only way you'll learn the proper rules of fine dining. Now, _do it again!_

Matt: I can't….I….just can't…..

Niki: If you don't mind my saying so….

Elle: That depends…..(Finger over Niki's button)

Niki: What exactly does this have to do with being an agent?

Elle: Agents are not slobs. Niki…..we have to maintain the high standards of our organization. 

Matt: _SLUUUURP!_

Elle: …….

Matt: Uh oh…..

_ZAP!_

Watching the scene from across the street. Noah gets a call….it's Angela.

Noah: Yes?

Angela: Good afternoon, Noah.

Noah: What did you find out?

Angela: Well, we are now in Nathan's good graces…..his financial support will help us get _The Company Deux_ up and running in no time.

Noah: Good……

Meanwhile, someone is running down a hall. An intern of some sort busts into a main control room of some company. He brings a cup of coffee to his boss.

Jax the intern: Okay, boss, I got your coffee, 2 creams, 1 sugar. Here's your paper, only the comics. And I have these pictures….

He hands his boss several snapped photos of Peter on his break……Nathan on the phone……and Elle making Mohinder, Matt and Niki run an obstacle course.

The boss takes the pictures…….The boss who is actually _Sylar._

Sylar: Perfect…….

= = =_As the world turns, better yet as it rotates on it's axis…whichever sounds more scientific…Heroes= = = _

_Hiro and Ando_  
_Junior High Cafeteria  
Each meal served with a side of Pepto Bismol_….._wait, that's not a good sign_…..

Hiro is shuffling along the cafeteria line for lunch. He gets a jello mold for desert, on top reads:

_Chapter Nineteen "The Doctor Is Out…Of His Mind"_

Hiro: _Can I get one with less letters?_

He is joined by Ando.

Ando: Sorry I'm late…..had some road rage issues…….

---

Ando: UGH! Come on….stupid red light……I'm going to be late….

Pulling up next to him in the _Mach 5, _is famed race car driver _Speed Racer._

Speed Racer: _I'll beat you in this race, Racer X!_

Ando: Huh?.....Are you talking to me?

Speed Racer: _Racer X! I challenge you!_

Ando: Who the hell are you talking to?!

Speed Racer: _Oh no! The Mach 5 has been sabotaged! I'll never be able to win the gold especially since I have Spritle and Chim Chim in the trunk and they'll only do what I tell them to if I bribe them with candy and I'm going to crash! AWWWW!_ (Dramatic pose)

Ando, still at the stop light, confused, staring at Speed Racer. He slowly drives away.

---

Ando: Yes, it went exactly like that….

Hiro: Uh huh….

Ando: Since I missed this morning's classes, how are the students now?

Hiro: I think I'm making a vast improvement. I feel that I'm connecting with them….really getting into the teacher/student bond….

Hiro turns to walk away, the back of his shirt is ripped to shreds.

Ando: Looks like it….

Claire is standing in the window of the gunshot patient's room.

Peter: They removed the bullet, but it caused too much damage……

Claire: So……what happens now?

Peter: You know what you need to do, Claire.

Peter hands her a syringe.

Claire: I still don't know about this, Peter.

Peter: We have no other choice! The patient will die if we don't do something….

Claire: Okay….okay…..Peter?

Peter: Yes?

Claire: ….._you think things are getting a little too dramatic here?_

Peter: I thought you'd say that…..

Peter takes a pie and slams it in Claire's face. _SPLAT!_

Claire: (spits out cream filling) _That's not what I had in mind…_

Claire enters the room (after wiping her face off) and walks up to the patient.

Claire: This is for the greater good……

She ties a tourniquet around her arm and takes the syringe, she starts to draw her own blood out.

Meanwhile, back in training. Elle enters the training room while Mohinder, Matt and Niki wait.

Elle: Congratulations, Peons!

Matt: Did we win!?

Elle: Uh…no.

Matt: Aw…

Elle: You have your first official assignment. I'm going to get the briefing paperwork….and will return shortly.

She leaves the room.

_Men, Men, Men, Men, Manly Men, Men, Men! Men, Men, Men, Men, Manly Men, Men, Men!_

Mohinder: What the hell was that?!

Mohinder and Matt look at Niki who is fiddling with her cell phone.

Niki: WHAT?

Mohinder: Um….._why do you have the 'Two and a half men' theme song as your ringtone?_

Niki: I didn't do it! It just happened…..It won't shut off.

_Men, Men, Men, Men, Manly Men, Men, Men! Men, Men.._

Niki: Ugh….I'll be back….

She steps out of the room…..Matt giggles to himself.

Mohinder: How did I not know that you had something to do with this?

Matt: I don't know what you're talking about.

Mohinder: What did you do?

Matt: _I paid Micah fifty bucks to make her cell phone do that._

Mohinder: How genius.

Matt: And it's not just ringtones….every action she does on that phone will release that song…

Mohinder: She'll kill you, you know.

Matt: Now, if you don't mind…..it's 11:00…..I have…._a very important call to make_……Speed Dial number 3…..aaaaand….

_Men, Men, Men, Men, Manly, Men, Men, Men…_

Niki: AAARRRRGH!

Matt: Yes….that'll do……

Mohinder rolls his eyes.

_Nathan  
The Mayor's Office  
Trying not to get blown up, or shot, or throat slashed, or shot again…Let's say he's the 'Kenny' of the Heroes-verse…_

Nathan: _Seriously?_

Rusty, one of the janitors, comes in to clean up. Nathan was at his desk deep in thought, something didn't feel right. He spots his plate of _funnel cake_ from two chapters ago still sitting on his desk.

Rusty: _You still have that!?_

Nathan: Yes….._would you like a bite?_

Rusty: Okay….

Rusty comes over and takes a bite of the funnel cake….then passes out.

Nathan flashes back to Angela giving him the funnel cake…..

Nathan: Hmm….none of this seems to make much sense…..I think I better investigate……_CHANGE LOCATION!_

_Nathan  
The New York Prison For The Criminally Criminal  
Riker's Island was full…Thanks a lot, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit_

Nathan enters the prison and walks to a cell where he sees Sally.

Sally: Nathan! It's you…..Listen I didn't kidnap you! I promise! I was framed….

Nathan: By who?

Sally: By your mother…..She never liked me. She always wanted to be on your staff, she was just trying to get rid of me.

Nathan: I see……

Back at the hospital, the gunshot patient has completely healed. The doctors clap as the patient makes his way out of this hospital.

Claire: Okay, there are two things wrong with this. One, he only had _one_ gunshot wound….I'm sure even the simplest of hospitals can fix that….second, none of these doctors are even questioning how he miraculously survived.

Peter: Well, one, it was a special bullet that shattered, spreading millions of little bullet-y shrapnel bits all over his body….and second….uh…..how nobody is suspicious….

Munroe: _I'm suspicious!_

Peter: AHHH! (Peter faints….Claire doesn't catch him)

Peter: Ow…(He gets back up)

Munroe: _Petrelli…_

Peter: _Newman…_

Claire: What?!

Munroe: I'm on to you two…..a man with a complex gunshot wound doesn't just heal in the course of an hour!

Peter: _It was 45 minutes…_

Claire: ugh….

Munroe: You better watch your back….

Claire: Okay, Peter, now I officially don't like this! He might catch us….and expose us.

Peter: Would that be a bad thing? Really?....I mean this is a wonderful ability to have on our side…._not like that time I could see sound waves as color…_

---

Announcer: _And now performing his greatest hits…Peter Petrelli!_

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!

Peter walks on stage to a giant cello. He sits down.

Peter: I call this one…._Flight of the Valkyries_….

He starts playing furiously as strands of _color float out of the instrument. The sound waves represented by strands of blue, green, and purple…_

Peter: I call this next one…._In the hall of the Mountain King…_

He goes back to playing, more beautiful colors flow into the air.

Peter: I call this next one…._Beef, it's what's for dinner_….

---

Claire: _Are you done?!_

Peter: Yes.

_Mohinder and Company  
The Central Park Mall  
Jingle: The Central Park Mall, come spend your money here!_

A car pulls up, Mohinder, Niki, and Matt are inside.

Mohinder: Let's listen to this video message.

Elle: Good afternoon Agents…….

Mohinder: ……

Niki: …..

Matt: ……

Elle: ….._Aren't you going to say 'Hi' back?! RUDE!_

Niki: I thought this was a recording….

Mohinder: _It is!_

Niki: Ugh….Hello, Elle….

Elle: Thanks!....Anyway your mission is here, at the Central Park mall….

Matt: YAY!

Elle: _There will be no shopping!_

Matt: BOO!

Elle: Inside the mall is a super secret package that we need. Well, not really, this is just for training purposes….But let's say we need it anyway….Find that package and get it out of the mall before it explodes.

Niki: _It's a bomb!?_

Elle: Oh wait…._I wasn't supposed to tell you that_….okay, that changes things…..Okay, here is your mission…_There's a bomb in the mall_.

Niki: DUH!

Elle: Retrieve the explosive device and return it to me so we can deal with it back at HQ.

Mohinder: Uh….

Niki: Whatever, let's just get this over with.

Elle: _This Toyota Prius will self destruct in 10 seconds_….

Matt: Anybody else find the irony in this?

Niki: Will somebody let me out before we all die?

Matt: The child locks are on!

Niki: Ugh…..

Meanwhile Monica visits the Principal's office….

Monica: What? I don't get a fancy intro?

Ugh…

_Monica Dawson  
The Junior High, Principal's Office  
Not putting the 'Pal' in Principal since 1984._

Monica: Much better….

Monica walks into the office of Terrance Stiles, the principal of the school.

Stiles: What is it Miss Dawson?

Monica: Mr. Stiles….I was talking with some of the other teachers…and I've noticed that you've cancelled several of the school's programs. Including the Martial Arts classes that I teach during my off hours….

Stiles: It's the schools funding, Miss Dawson. We simply cannot afford these extra pointless programs.

Monica: Wait, there's nothing pointless about Martial Arts, Mr. Stiles….and besides….there are so many superfluous personal items for the teachers that was used by the school's money we can get rid of to afford these programs….

Stiles: I think not, Miss Dawson….This conversation is over. Oh, and since you're over there anyway, can you bring me my _Netflix_ movies?…

Monica sighs and picks up the _ten_ movies and plops them on his desk. Back in her office….

Monica: He's a creep!

Micah: He's using the school's money for a _Netflix Subscription?! _

Monica: Yeah! And you should see his office….He's got Faberge Eggs and expensive paintings all over his walls.

Micah: He can't do that!....Doesn't somebody track these things?

Monica: Yes! He should've been fired….or impeached….or something. But whenever I bring it up, people just change the subject.

Micah: Hmm…..I have an idea…..We can sneak back into here late at night….I can hack into his bank account, and try to get some evidence that he's using the school's money….then….we can report it to someone.

Monica: I don't have any better ideas. Okay….we'll do it.

Meanwhile, Nathan is visiting Angela….who has a Buzzard on her shoulder.

Buzzard: _CAW!_

Nathan: What the?

Angela: Hello, Nathan….

Nathan: What's with the bird, ma?

Angela: It's my new pet….his name is….

Nathan: I swear if you named him after Peter…..

Angela: …his name is…..I'll get back to you on that.

Nathan: I just visited Sally….

Angela: …..

Nathan: The girl in prison.

Angela: Oh….that nitwit who was working for you….and kidnapped you…..

Nathan: About that…..she says she didn't do it.

Angela: And you're going to believe her?

Nathan: I don't know…..Since you're not the most honest person in the world.

---

As a child, Nathan was in his bed, lying on his side. Waiting for the _Tooth Fairy_, He feels an arm slide under his pillow.

Nathan: Did you actually put _money on the gift card to Walgreens?_ Or did you just take it off the shelf?

He feels the arm slide back out of his pillow….

---

Angela: So, you're calling your mother a liar, huh? Well, I'll show you…..

Angela presents a tape recording of Sally's conversation at lunch the other day.

Angela: She was working with your competition….she was conspiring against you….

Nathan: Fair enough…..I'll believe she did some bad things, or at least planned to……But what did you do?

Angela: What are you talking about?

Nathan: The funnel cake?

Angela: Fine….I took the one with the most powdered sugar. You caught me!

Nathan: I gave some to my janitor and he passed out.

Angela: Well, it is two chapters old…..I mean….come on….

Nathan: You're off the hook for now…..but I'll be back……

Prison!

Sally: She's right…..I was going to blackmail you…..

Nathan: Yes, I did my homework…._with the footage of me and Jessica from Season 1_….yeah, that's already been done….

Sally: But, I didn't even get the chance to kidnap you…..or do anything…..I was at my part time job.

Nathan: Where?

Sally: I work at Walgreens. Now that I remember, I saw your mother come in and swipe a gift card without putting any money on it….

Nathan: And my birthday is coming up…._Damn that woman!_

Sally: You can check the tapes, I was there at the time of the kidnapping. So….I didn't do it……I just didn't have the chance to do anything bad to you.

Nathan: Hmm……Hmm…..Hmmmmmmmmmmm….

Sally: ….?

Meanwhile, in the mall, the group is split up.

Niki (on walkie talkie): Okay, the bomb is not in Victoria's Secret.

Matt (walkie): or Hallmark!

Mohinder: It's gotta be here somewhere….

Mohinder, on the second floor….spots a bench near the south end of the mall.

Mohinder: What's this?

Mohinder looks under the bench and finds a duffel bag with the word '_BOMB!'_ on it.

Mohinder: Subtle…..Okay, I found the bomb!

Elle: Good, now a 'fake' guard will come up and you now get to test your fighting skills.

Mohinder: We never got any fighting training. All you taught us how to do was run for our lives and dining etiquette!

Elle: Both which you will use to defeat this foe.

Mohinder: Why did I sign up for this….

The guard approaches from the shadows and pulls out a gun.

Mohinder: Uh, Elle….this man's got a gun.

Elle: Really? They're not supposed to….

Mohinder: WHAT?!

Elle: He must not work for us…..

Mohinder: WHAT?!

Elle: Don't worry, if you get shot just go to the hospital…._I hear they can fix that up real quick_…..

Noah gets into the car that Elle is in, which is across the street.

Noah: How is everything going?

Elle: Perfect!

The guard fires what appears to be an explosive round, the shell lets off an explosion that hurls Mohinder thought the large window behind him.

Elle: Oh, Mohinder did you let the bomb go off. That's going to count points off mister.

Niki: What the hell was that!?

Niki takes off running and meets Matt in front of the escalator.

Niki: Mohinder's in trouble!

Matt: _There's a sale at JC Penny's!_

Niki grabs him by the ear and charges up the escalator.

Matt: OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!

Back in the car….

Noah (looking at his laptop)

Elle: Are you still looking at those future pictures again?

Noah: Yes….one has me a little disturbed.

Elle (binoculars): Hmm…something's wrong.

Niki (on the speaker): Elle! Something's wrong.

Elle: Uh, I just said that, thanks!

Niki: There are these large men here and they do not act like they are with us.

Noah: We better get in there.

Elle: Right!

Elle and Noah grabs their guns and exit the car. The run across the street as the paintings on Noah's laptop are cycling through a slideshow mode….

_Hiro and Ando, running down a hallway, being chased_

_Peter, in front of an oncoming bus_

_Niki, running down a church aisle in a wedding dress_

_Nathan, a car in mid-air inches away from his face_

_Sylar, leaning up against a large window_

_Claire, falling off the edge of a tall building_

_Sandra, on the ground reaching for a vial of some sort_

_Noah, shooting Angela point blank_

Noah and Elle enter the mall as the doors lock behind them. Everyone inside starts to run around in a panic.

Noah: Not good….

They look over at the electronics store to see the large set of televisions…._Sylar appears on them_.

Elle: Oh crap!

Sylar: Hello Noah……Elle….

Noah: ….

Elle: …..

Sylar: This isn't a recording….say 'Hi' back….RUDE!

Noah and Elle look at each other.

Nathan comes back to Angela's….

Angela: Welcome back….traitor….

Nathan: Whatever….listen ma….I talked to Sally….and you're right….._she was responsible for everything._

Angela: I told you….You should….

Nathan: _..listen to your mother more…_Yeah, yeah….I got it.

Angela: Good, well, with that lunatic behind bars we can rest easy. Would you like to stay for dinner?

Nathan: Sure.

Angela: Wonderful. _I'm sure whatever you fix will be just lovely._

She and '_Avenger'_, the name of her bird,….walk out of the room.

Nathan: Avenger, huh……..

Nathan runs over to her computer and turns it on.

Nathan: Password……hmm…….P-E-T-E-R…..

(Access Granted)

Nathan: Figures….

Nathan looks around on her computer and opens up a folder called '_SECRET PLANS, HIDE FROM NATHAN'…_

Nathan: Subtle….

He finds several blueprints for a large complex.

Nathan: They're rebuilding The Company? That's preposterous……_The Company Deux_…..that's even more preposterous…..I think I'm starting to understand….she wants my financial support for this new company….hmm. Well, I'll help her build it…..but it will be ran my way. _Much better than the last time I tried to imprison people with abilities…_

---

Nathan: Peter, I have come to imprison _the entire cast of Heroes_…

Peter: Even the ones without powers?

Nathan: Get in the truck.

Peter (high pitch): Uh….._I don't know what you're talking about, kind sir. I'm just an innocent little girl. You can tell with my flowing pigtails and my oversized novelty lollipop_…

Nathan: ………Get in the truck…..

Peter: Fine, let me go return this candy and pigtails….hmm…where did that girl go?

---

Back in the school, class has just ended. Micah stops by to visit Monica, who is packing up her stuff.

Micah: Monica? What's going on?

Monica: I can't believe this. I got fired!

Micah: For what?

Monica: For conspiracy…..

Micah: How did he find out….we haven't done anything yet.

Monica: I guess he was spying on me somehow….

Micah: But there are no cameras in here…..this is very strange…..Don't worry, I'll find out.

Monica: No…..you won't.

Micah: Huh?.....

Monica: _You've been expelled_.

Micah: WHAT?!

Monica: I got fired and you got expelled…..

Micah: He can't do that!

Monica: Well, he did. There's no point in trying to save my Martial Arts class….but we can still expose him.

Micah: You're right….we'll still find a way in here.

Hiro walks by, covered in apple sauce….

Micah: And I know who can help us…..

Back at the hospital, Peter and Claire burst through the double doors.

Peter: Okay, who is our next patient?

Nurse: I'm afraid this man is already dead…..he died the second he reached the hospital.

Peter: Wait….what is that?

Peter points to the guy's chest…the nurse opens his shirt to reveal an image of a clock burnt onto his chest. The time reading 11:27.

Peter: A clock?

Claire: What do you think that means?

Peter: …..

Claire (jokingly): Time of death?

Peter: …..or time when the next death is going to be….

Claire: …..

A faint ticking noise is heard….

Peter: I have a feeling who might be behind this….

Elle: _SYLAR!_

Oh right….Meanwhile, back at the mall…..

Elle: Sylar….what is the meaning of this?

Sylar: I'm trying to kill all of you. Duh! I've been doing that since day one, get a clue!

Upstairs, Matt runs over to the window where Mohinder is hanging on to the edge. He pulls him back up.

Niki: Sylar has taken over the mall…..All the doors and windows are locked.

Matt: Except for this one that's broken.

One of the giant guards show up.

Matt: Well, that might stop us.

Niki: Running!

Matt and Mohinder take off after her.

Elle: What do we do?

Noah: Only The Haitian can help us now….

Elle: What's his deal? He's getting like, no screen time!

Noah: He's busy…..doing things.

Elle: Uh huh….

Noah: Damn….I can't get reception in here….I have to find a payphone….

Noah runs off and finds a corridor with a payphone, he digs for a quarter when he flies backward into the wall.

Noah: What the hell?

Noah gets pressed up against the wall again. His neck tightens as he begins to slide upward against the wall's surface. Elle rushes in and slings an orb of lightning towards Noah, who falls back down. A door at the end of the hall opens then closes.

Elle (walking over to Noah): ….._Was that him?_

Noah: ……Yeah……That was him……

_To Be Continued_…


	20. Blink

-_The Heroes Parody Project-_

(Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Another three week delay since a last new chapter (yeah, I know), since it's Thanksgiving and I picked a quiet place to hide from the family from out of town, hopefully I can churn out a few chapters, just as long as noone notices I'm missing. Fingers crossed, here we go).

Update: I was able to finish two over the weekend. Hopefully I can get the next one out by next week. Later!

Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright of NBC, Tim Kring, and anybody else associated with the show. I do not own Heroes, nor have nothing to do with the show, cast, or crew. Any similarities of any real life people, living or dead, is completely coincidental.

Claire: _Previously on Heroes_….

Micah is in middle school, Molly is with him but her role isn't that important, so let's just focus on him.

Micah: Monica! You're my counselor?!

Monica: That's right!

Monica visits Principal Stiles….The School Principal…..of the school…..

Monica: You are canceling all of the schools extracurricular programs!

Stiles: Yes, now leave before I cancel _the counselor program._

Monica: You can't do that!

Micah: I have an idea, we'll break in later and dig up all the information off of his computer about all the horrible things he is doing with the school's money.

Monica: That's a great idea!

Stiles: You're fired!

Monica: That's a bad idea!

Peter (to Claire): I want you to be my intern at the hospital.

Claire uses her blood to heal a gun shot victim (we won't get into why he can't be healed normally, and the doctors are just leaving him in a room and not doing anything, but not like anybody is keeping track).

Munroe (rival doctor): I'm on to you, Petrelli.

Petrelli: _Honey Mustard!_

Claire: What?

Petrelli: I say that when I'm angry.

Claire: Seriously?

Nathan: It sure is nice _not_ being kidnapped….

Sally: I didn't do it! We were going to blackmail you using a rehashed plot from Season 1 but I didn't have the chance. Your mother is the culprit.

Nathan: Interesting…..

Angela: What is it son?

Nathan: You were right, Sally is evil. I should've trusted you all along.

Angela: Wonderful! Mwahahah…..

Nathan: Uh right….

Nathan looks up the plans for _The Company Deux_.

Nathan: Such a stupid name…..

_Monica and Micah  
The Junior High Counselor's Office  
Several hours ago…before Monica got fired._

We flash back several hours ago, before Monica got canned.

Monica: Thanks!

We see the world through Monica's eyes, thought her perspective.

Monica walks into the office of Terrance Stiles, the principal of the school.

Stiles: What is it Miss Dawson?

Monica: Mr. Stiles….I was talking with some of the other teachers…and I've noticed that you've cancelled several of the school's programs. Including the Martial Arts classes that I teach during my off hours….

Stiles: It's the schools funding, Miss Dawson. We simply cannot afford these extra pointless programs.

Monica: Wait, there's nothing pointless about Martial Arts, Mr. Stiles….and besides….there are so many superfluous personal items for the teachers that was used by the school's money we can get rid of to afford these programs….

Stiles: I think not, Miss Dawson….This conversation is over. Oh, and since you're over there anyway, can you bring me my _Netflix_ movies?…

Monica sighs and picks up the _ten_ movies and plops them on his desk. Back in her office….

Monica: He's a creep!

Micah: He's using the school's money for a _Netflix Subscription?! _

Monica: Yeah! And you should see his office….He's got Faberge Eggs and expensive paintings all over his walls.

Micah: He can't do that!....Doesn't somebody track these things?

Monica: Yes! He should've been fired….or impeached….or something. But whenever I bring it up, people just change the subject.

Micah: Hmm…..I have an idea…..We can sneak back into here late at night….I can hack into his bank account, and try to get some evidence that he's using the school's money….then….we can report it to someone.

Monica: I don't have any better ideas. Okay….we'll do it.

Micah leaves…..Monica gets a page from Mr. Stiles.

Stiles: Miss Dawson, can I see you in my office….I need to have a word with you.

Monica: O…okay….

Monica makes her way down the hall. The first person perspective of the hallway to the Principal's office shifts into the office itself. _Mr. Stiles sits in his chair, his eyes are a blue-ish green color. He blinks, and his vision returns to his own_. He pokes his head out of the office.

Stiles: Miss Jones?

Miss Jones (The Receptionist): Yes, Mr. Stiles?

Stiles: Miss Dawson is right down the hall, when she gets here, send her in…..

Miss Jones: Yes….Mr. Stiles….

Stiles slowly closes the door to his office.

= = =_Roam if you want to, Roam around the world…HEROES!= = =_

At the hospital, we see two double doors reading:

_Chapter Twenty "Blink"_

Peter and Claire burst through those same exact doors to peda-conference. Ala _West Wing_.

Claire: I don't understand it, do you really think that Sylar could be behind the murders?

Peter: Of course he is! He is the only one capable of doing it.

Claire: Left turn!

They turn.

Peter: Who else could it be then?

Claire: Well, Sylar is psycho. But his calling card is usually a missing scalp. It's very strange that he would burn a clock into the victim's chest.

Peter: True. But what if he…

Claire: Left turn!

They turn.

Peter: What if he did this to throw us off? Send us on a wild goose chase so he can kill more people.

Claire: I suppose. Left turn!

Peter: I know what we need to do….._we must quit our jobs at the hospital._

Claire: WHAT!? We just got here like…2 chapters ago!

Peter: There's a killer on the loose! We must stop him.

Claire: We're a little underpowered. He'll just kill and take my power and who knows what your power is this week.

Peter: I have the ability to raise and lower people's blood pressure at will.

Claire: My point exact…..what?

Peter: What?

Claire: Blood pressure?

Peter: Yes.

Claire: Forget it.

Peter: What?!

Claire: So, we run into Sylar. Then what?!

Peter: I can cross that bridge when we get there, I'm a man of danger.

Claire: There's a wall up ahead. Dead end.

Peter: I'm not done talking.

Claire: We have to peda-conference the other way.

Peter: Not on my watch.

Peter and Claire both run smack into the wall.

Nathan: Well, that was stupid.

Angela: What?

Nathan: These sushi prices are stupid!

_Nathan and Angela  
The Sushi Bar  
This food comes fresh…From Under The Sea!!!! Hit it, Sebastian! (He plays the bongos)_

Nathan: …..

Angela: So, Nathan, how are things?

Nathan: Good….good…..

Angela: The Sushi sure is nice today.

Nathan: Uh yeah….nice.

Angela pokes at hers.

Nathan: So, what's going on with you?

Angela: Nothing!

Nathan: Nothing, huh?

Angela: That's right.

Nathan: No stories…..information….._secrets_ you should be telling me about?

Angela: Nope!

Nathan: Ah….So ma, do you remember my old friend Harry Winchester?

Angela: No.

Nathan: He's a guy I went to some school with, doesn't matter. Anyway, I was talking to him today and he told me that his mom has been lying to him.

Angela: Uh huh.

Nathan: She's really been trying to…uh….start her own…..zoo.

Angela: A zoo?

Nathan: Yes. She was going to build one and keep it a secret from her _own son_. How could someone do that?

Angela: He probably had it coming.

Nathan: Uh huh…..if _you_ were hiding anything, you'd tell me….right?

Angela: Of course, Peter.

Nathan: Nathan.

Angela: Of course, Nathan.

Nathan: (_Damn, it's not working. I'm going to have to try harder)_.

_Hiro  
Grading papers  
This student got a 'C'. C is for cookie, that's good enough for me. _

Hiro: Not anymore, Sesame Street has changed…..

Cookie Monster: _C is for Carrot, that's good enough for me!_

Hiro: Mutiny!

Hiro is grading papers, since he does have a plot.

Hiro: I do!?

His cell phone buzzes, the message tells him to 'meet outside'.

Hiro: Destiny awaits!

Hiro sprints out of the room, papers fly everywhere. He runs outside where Micah is waiting.

Hiro: Micah? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school.

Micah: School's out for today, and I was expelled.

Hiro: You shouldn't have done that, young Micah. _Knowledge is power!_

Micah: Uh, right….I need your help. The Principal is stealing the school's money.

Hiro: No, no, no….that's impossible.

Micah: Uh….why?

Hiro: Because that would be something a _villain_ would do.

Micah: ….

Hiro: ….

Micah: _Principal Stiles is a Villain_.

Hiro: WHAT?!

Micah: I think he has an ability, maybe….I'm not sure what it is yet.

Hiro: Wonderful! I can take him under my wing, and show him the ways of….

Micah: Uh, later. This is important. Will you help us?

Hiro: What do you want me to do?

Micah: Well, I got expelled, Monica got fired. You are the only other teacher I know that can help us get inside so I can hack into Stiles' computer and bring him to justice.

Hiro: Well….that sounds kinda wrong…._but I'll do it for Justice!_

Micah: Great!

Hiro: On one condition…

Micah: What's that?

Hiro: I need permission…_from your mother._

Micah: WHAT?!

Hiro: This is a dangerous mission, I don't want any responsibility. I need the go ahead from a parental guardian before we accept such a quest.

Micah: But she's probably being held against her will in a mall or something! I can't get a hold of her.

Hiro: Then no deal!

Micah: UGH! Fine, I'll be back.

Claire: I can't believe I keep letting you talk me into these things.

Chief Of Police: _Welcome to the police force, Rookies._

Peter: Excellent.

Chief of Police (or COP for short….hmm): So, you two are seasoned police officers.

Peter: You'd be correct, sir.

Claire (to herself): This totally isn't going to work.

COP: And….you've arrested…._infinity criminals?_

Peter: It took a while, but we got the job done.

COP: Uh huh…..Who was your previous employer?

Peter: _On her Majesty's Secret Service._

COP: Uh huh…..And the girl?

Peter: She was on the…uh….Cheerleading Crime Prevention Squad.

COP: What?

Peter: She arrested any cheerleaders that couldn't pull of a triple axel.

Claire: That position doesn't exist, and axels are _from figure skating!_

Peter: Could you _not point out these inconsistencies out loud?_

Claire: I suppose.

COP: Well, everything looks good….

Another police officer walks in.

Rookie Cop: Oh, _Dr. Petrelli! _I didn't know you make house calls!

Peter: Uh…..

COP: _DR.!?_

Peter: Uh…..(To Claire), On a scale of 1 to 10, how busted are we?

Claire: _Infinity_.

Peter: That's not a real number, Claire.

Claire: ….(Shakes her head)

Outside, Claire and Peter are on the Police Station steps.

Peter: Okay, that didn't work.

Claire: We lasted longer as _Doctors_! How does that work?

Peter: I guess we're going to have to track down Sylar ourselves.

Claire: Why did we try to get a job at the Police Station, it's not like they can go up against him.

Peter: I wanted to drive the car.

Claire: …….

Peter: Well, I did!

Claire walks away.

Peter: Claire! Come back! I'm not done saying words!

Claire: I'm done hearing them!

Back at Angela's manor, Nathan walks into the foyer.

Angela: Welcome, Nathan. What can I do for you?

Nathan: You invited me.

Angela: Oh, yes….well, wait right there. Don't walk into any room.

Nathan: Not even the Conservatory?

Angela: _Especially the Conservatory_.

She slowly closes the double doors.

Nathan: I didn't even know she had a conservatory.

Nathan takes a step back and knocks over a small table holding _The Petrelli Family Photo Album._ Nathan's pictures go everywhere.

Nathan: What the…?

Nathan looks at some of the pictures, he flashes back to being tied up, he recognizes some of them.

Nathan: All of these pictures are _out of the book_…..did she really?......No…..well, I wouldn't put it past her…..

Angela (walking back in): I have returned.

Nathan: Uh, mom?

Angela: What are you implying?!

Nathan: _I haven't said anything yet!_

Angela: What are you doing with the family photo album?!

Nathan: Am I not allowed to look at it?

Angela: NO!

Nathan: So, ma….Why are all my pictures out of them?

Angela: I was….uh….making a collage, I was going to turn them into a new…._toiler seat cover_…?

Nathan: That's both offensive _and disturbing_.

Angela: Why are you here?

Nathan: _YOU INVITED ME!_

Angela: Oh, right….Well, wait right here, I must finish…..the cookies.

Nathan: You're lying to me!

Angela: How dare you accuse your mother of lying! I made you! And I can destroy you! _NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!_

Nathan: Ugh, not this again….

Meanwhile….

Micah (on the phone with Molly): Hey, where are you at? You haven't been at school the past few days.

Molly: I caught Matt's cold. You know, the one he had during the _Halloween Special?_

Micah: That was a filler episode….it didn't….whatever. I need you to find my mom.

Molly: I can't concentrate, Micah, I'm really sick.

Micah: Ugh….Okay, I have another idea.

Micah meets Monica at her house.

Monica: Oh, hey Micah. What's up?

Micah: I have a plan to get Hiro's help.

Monica: I thought that he would only help with a permission slip from your mom?

Micah: I have the next best thing….you.

Monica: What?

Micah: You are a muscle mimic, right? And you should use your vocal chords to change the pitch of your voice to _sound like my mother_! You can call him instead of getting the permission slip.

Monica: I could just forge her signature, that sounds a million times easier.

Micah: Nah, we'll do this.

Several hours later, after Monica had some practice….

Hiro answers his phone.

Hiro (on phone): Hello?

Monica (Niki's voice): Uh….Hey, Hiro? This is Niki Sanders, Micah Sanders' mother?

Hiro: Oh, hello, Mrs. Sanders. I didn't recognize your voice, _it's been so long since we last met and everything_ I kinda forgot what you sound like.

Monica shoots a death glare at Micah.

Micah: Whoops!

Monica (Niki's voice): Anyway, Micah tells me he is asking you for a favor. And I say yes. You may do this…..

Hiro: Are you sure? It sounds very dangerous!

Monica (Niki's voice): I'm very sure. Micah is grown up now and can make his own decisions. So you can continue to do….whatever it is you are doing.

Hiro: Okay, thank you, Mrs. Sanders.

Monica: Anytime.

Monica and Micah leave the house.

Hiro: Oh…I needed to ask her something…..Let's see, last call received….here we go.

Monica's cell phone, which is on the counter, starts ringing.

_You've reached the voicemail of Monica Dawson, muscle and newly founded vocal mimic who is Micah's cousin, I'm not at my cell phone but leave a message and I will get back to you and only me, Monica Dawson, NOT Niki Sanders because she has a completely different phone number._

Hiro: Huh?

Peter and Claire are at Hiro's house.

Claire: Why are we here?

Peter: Investigate!

Claire: Investigate!...What?

Peter: We need to find out where Hiro is. We'll use him to go back in time, _stop Sylar's parents from kissing at the prom. _They will never get married, _have Sylar_, and we'll be saved!

Claire: Wow, if only we'd thought of that with all _of the villains_.

Peter: I KNOW!

Claire: If we want to find Sylar, why don't we use….

Peter: Google?

Claire: OR….Molly?

Peter: Weren't you paying attention, she caught Matt's cold from the Halloween Special….._selfish_…

Claire: Ugh…

Peter: Let's go.

Claire: We can't…break into Hiro's place!

Peter: You just have to believe, Claire.

Peter knocks on the door…….then bangs on it…..then pulls out his '_Fisher Price Lockpicking Kit'_.

Peter: Almost….almost……

The door clicks.

Claire: Hey! You did it!

Peter: Um…I didn't….

The door opens.

Man: Who the hell are you?

Peter: Oh….crap _this isn't his house!_

Claire: PETER!

Next House….

Peter (with a black eye): Aha! A key, under the mat!

Claire: Congratulations….

Peter opens the door.

Peter: Okay, all we need to do is search for some clue of Hiro's wherabouts….then….AHHHHH!

Claire: What?

Peter: _Wind Chimes!_

DINGLE! DINGLE! DINGLE! DINGLE!

Peter: Get em off me! Get em off me!

Claire: Hold still!

Peter: They're slicing my face to ribbons!

Claire: Would you hold still!?

Peter: Okay….okay, that's the last one….

Claire: Geez….

Peter: Okay….let's check the bedroom…._MORE WIND CHIMES! AHHHHHHH!_

DINGLE! DINGLE! DINGLE! DINGLE!

Peter: Oh, the humanity!

Claire: _Why couldn't I have been Micah's counselor!?_

Hiro, Micah, and Monica approach the school.

Micah: Okay, all we need to do is get into Stiles office.

Hiro: What about the alarm?

Micah: I took care of it. Just teleport us into the principal's office, and we'll finish the job there.

Hiro holds onto the shoulders of Micah and Monica and teleports. Inside….

Micah: Okay, all I need is 5 minutes, then Stiles is going down.

Monica: I sure hope this works.

Hiro: This better not get me in trouble and I lose my bonus. _I need that money to buy more Wind Chimes! _They are the perfect theft deterrent….

Back with Peter…whose face is completely bandaged.

Claire: Are we done? We need to leave before you kill yourself.

Peter: We can…..now.

Claire: What are you talking about?

Peter: I have this…..(Holds up Hiro's ID badge).

Claire: So, that's his teaching badge. Maybe he's at the school.

Peter: Let's roll…..

Angela and Nathan are sitting across from each other.

Nathan: I know about the plans for The Company Deux….

Angela: No you don't.

Nathan: …what?....What do you mean _'I don't'. _I saw it! On your computer!

Angela: All this digging around in other people's business must have you famished. Here….._eat this apple._ (She looms over him, partially covered in darkness).

Nathan: Uh….no.

Angela: Damn.

Nathan: Ma, tell me about the Company……Deux……God, I hate that name….

Angela: Well, if you must know. Noah Bennet and I are trying to rebuild the company. We need to start keeping a closer eye on individuals with abilities again. It's gotten way out of hand.

Nathan: That was…uh….kind of the point of the first time. Why is this time so different? And are you using me for financial backing?

Angela: Yes, we need help to get this project up and running. This time is different than the last.

Nathan: How so?

Angela: There's a war coming…..it could be today…..tomorrow……next week……or May 9th.

Nathan: Okay, I get it……May 9th?....Whatever…..So, I just wanted to tell you that I will help you….and will get the Company up and running again….but _I call the shots_.

Angela: Eww……

Nathan: Did you just '_ew'?_

Angela: No, darling, of course not…..it's a wonderful idea. Are you sure I can't interest you in this _apple?_

Nathan: No thanks.

Micah is typing away on Stiles' computer. The sound of sirens chime in from the background.

Micah: What the? How did we get caught? I disabled the alarms.

Hiro: We need to leave! Now!

Micah: Hold on, I need to transfer this data.

Monica: Micah, Hiro's right. The police are right outside.

Micah: Okay, let's go.

He grabs the flash drive from Stiles' computer and turns to see Hiro, unconscious.

Micah: _OF COURSE HE IS!_

Monica: What happened!

Micah: A tranquilizer dart!

Monica: Okay, we'll escape out the back.

They take off, running down the hallway. They bust outside where more police are waiting. Monica looks over to see _Stiles, _standing with the police, his eyes which were closed are now open. He gives an evil smirk back to her.

Monica: We're busted! Oh man, this bites….._Why can't I be a nurse along with Peter?_

Micah: I can't believe I'm going to get captured again!

He slowly puts his hands up, something swoops down and picks Micah up off of the ground.

Monica: What the?

Micah and _Peter_ land on the roof of another building downtown.

Micah: Whoa….I shouldn't throw up from that…..

Peter: Oh crap, I thought I grabbed Hiro. I guess I'll take him back.

Claire: Don't do that!

Micah: Yes, that would be nice if you didn't actually.

Claire: Since when can you fly?

Peter: Something I picked up.

Claire: That would've came in handy so I didn't have to cough up cab fares from my house to the hospital to the police station to Hiro's place then to the school.

Peter: I strive to maintain mysterious.

Claire: Whatever!

Micah: You have to go back and rescue Hiro and Monica.

Peter: Looks like the police took them.

Micah: Great.

Peter: We have to get Hiro! He's the only person who can go back in time and do whatever it was a suggested 20 minutes ago.

Claire (to Micah): Go back and stop his parents from hooking up.

Micah: That's a horrible idea. That's nice that you're trying to take a cheap shot at the antagonist…but I wouldn't mess with history like that.

Peter: Of course it's a horrible idea.

Micah: They probably got Hiro too.

Claire: Well, we need to find Sylar…..I don't see how Hiro was going to help us.

Micah: Molly can help you, but she's sick.

Peter: I have come up with a decision.

Claire: _Brace yourself_.

Peter: I will rescue Monica and Hiro……You and Micah go get Molly, and heal her.

Micah: _Heal her?_

Claire: Yes.

Micah: _You can do that?_

Claire: I guess so….with my blood.

Micah: _Don't you need to be the same blood type?_

Claire: You wouldn't think I get that a lot but I do…and I think we're just going to ignore that….

Micah: Okay then….

Peter: It's go time….

At the mall…..Sylar is watching everyone (Noah, Elle, Mohinder and Co) on screen in a hidden room. The door behind him opens….then closes.

Voice: I wasn't able to kill Bennet….the girl got in the way.

Sylar: I see….well, I'll take care of everything. Go ahead and take out the other three.

Voice: Will do…..

Sylar waits as the door opens and closes again. Outside of the room, _Claude Raines materializes into vision_. He walks off.

_To be continued_…


	21. Lockdown

-_The Heroes Parody Project-_

Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright of NBC, Tim Kring, and anybody else associated with the show. I do not own Heroes, nor have nothing to do with the show, cast, or crew. Any similarities of any real life people, living or dead, is completely coincidental.

Claire and The Haitian stand in a room full of Jessica clones.

Claire: What is this?

Haitian: I've read that Thomas Fox's final project…_Remnant Prime_…..took the DNA and memories of any individual that Peter has came across in his lifetime, and it was placed into a clone. Hundreds of them were made. Many of them were different.

Claire fights a clone of herself at Area 51.

Noah: Let's get out of here.

Sylar (who was hiding), starts the process back up. One clone was salvaged….many were destroyed.

Sylar: Not who I was expecting…..but it'll do.

Noah: We need some backup for this next assignment, Elle. Reports indicate that there is one more clone, the final project.

He shows her a picture, which turns out to be _Claude._

Elle: Holy Shrek!

Niki, Matt, and Mohinder go to their first assignment. Finding a bomb at the mall….

Mohinder gets thrown out a window.

Noah and Elle run into the mall, which gets shut down and held up by _Sylar_.

Noah gets attacked by someone invisible.

Elle: Was that him?

Noah: Yeah……it was him.

Elle: _To be continued_….

Noah rolls his eyes….

Monica: Stiles is up to something, we have to stop him.

Micah: I think we can get in, we just need Hiro's help.

The police show up late at night, Micah is about to get arrested when Peter swoops in and saves him. Monica and Hiro get busted.

Micah: You have to save them.

Peter: I will do just that. You two go get Molly better.

Claire: Sure….

Peter: _Thunderbirds are go!_

Micah: ….

Claire: Just smile and nod.

Micah: Ah….

---

Noah and Elle rush down the hall, they stop.

Noah: Where did he go?

Elle: How should I know!?

Noah: He could be anywhere…..

Elle: Or…._anyone_.

She grabs Noah in a headlock.

Noah: He's invisible…_not a shape shifter_.

Elle: Oh….

Noah: You can let go of my head now….

Elle: I haven't decided if I want to do that yet….

In the control room, Sylar is staring at a computer screen, some words are flashing on it:

_Chapter Twenty One 'Lockdown'_

Sylar: Well, let's get this over with.

Upstairs, Mohinder, Matt and Niki are hiding from despicable henchmen.

Mohinder: This is hopeless. We'll never beat these guys.

Matt: I have an idea.

Matt suddenly slips and falls.

Niki: That doesn't help.

Matt: Who did that?! Oh, that stung….

Something charges at Mohinder and tackles him, he falls down the escalator.

Mohinder: Oof! Ow! Ooh! OW! Oh! Ack!.....Whew….good thing that's over….

He realizes he's on the 'UP' escalator.

Mohinder: Crap….

Pushed again!

Mohinder: Oof! Ow! Ooh! Ow! Oh! ACK!

Niki appears back on the scene after running into a Bakery.

Niki: I know who you are….

She takes some flour and tosses it, the substance forms the outline of a body.

Niki: Found ya…..

Claude, who is holding a staff, swings it at Niki. She ducks, grabbing it and pulling him towards her as she elbows him in the face. She lands a few more punches as he spins on the ground, the staff knocks Niki down. Quickly jumping to her feet, she delivers a high kick to Claude which knocks him off center. Before she has a chance to react a loud shot is rang. She stops, turning around to see _Sylar holding a smoking pistol_.

Niki: That….was a very cheap shot……

She falls backwards as a pool of blood grows around her.

= = =_Give the world a spin, and you could participate in the Showcase Showdown! Heroes!= = =_

_Niki Sanders  
The Mall  
Shot in the heart, and you're to blame. You give love a bad naaame!_

Niki opens her eyes, she is hidden off somewhere. Mohinder and Matt approach her.

Mohinder: Hey, you okay?

Niki: Uh….what happened?

Matt: You were shot by _Mr. Gray, _with _The Revolver_, in front of the _Build-A-Bear Workshop_.

Niki: I lived?!

Mohinder: Fortunately, the bullet didn't hit anything vital.

Niki: I'm surprised he just left me there…..how did you all live?

Mohinder: He shot you then that was the last thing I remember. Matt and I dragged you to a safe place and I bandaged your wound.

Matt: Yeah, there was blood _everywhere_.

Niki: Thanks, Matt.

Matt: I mean, it was a lake!

Niki: That's enough, Matt.

Matt: I'm surprised your body didn't deflate like a _whoopee cushion_.

Niki: _THAT'S ENOUGH, MATT!_

Mohinder: That wouldn't happen, by the way…

Matt: Besides, what would we do without our third roommate. How would we afford rent?

Mohinder (To Matt): That reminds me, _you haven't paid rent in months!_

Matt: Well, I'm sorry that I had to put money aside to afford your _rapping career_.

Niki: Rapping Career?

Mohinder: I have no idea what he's talking about.

Matt: Yeah you do! This is your cover…

He pulls out a cd case that has a picture of Mohinder sporting a furry hat, a pimp coat, and a cane. The name of the album being…

Niki: _Mo'hinder, Mo'problems!?_ That's the worst album name ever!

Mohinder: This is all a lie! (To Niki) I told you that if I tried that costume on Matt would find a way to get a picture of it.

Niki: You were going as Albert Einstein in the Halloween Special. You needed something else.

Matt: And check out these hot new lyrics for the new single: (Rapping) _Villains better be weary, for somethin scary, for our superpowers, are extra-ordinary! Chicka-Chicka-Wah!_

Mohinder: UGH!

Niki: You know, you didn't have to save me. I was perfectly fine with bleeding to death….

_Peter Petrelli  
Downtown Police Station  
Bad Boys, Bad Boys. What'cha gonna do, What'cha gonna do when they arrest you…wait, that's not how it goes_….

Peter sneaks up to the police station doors, they are putting Monica and Hiro away. He gets on his cell phone.

Claire (answering her phone): What is it, Peter?

Peter: I'm at the station.

Claire: Good for you.

Peter: I'm going to need the schematics to the building and the work hours of every employee inside.

Claire: _I don't have that!_

Peter: What good are you, then?!

Claire: Just go in and pretend you're a visitor….just as long as it's not the same station where we tried to get jobs at earlier.

Peter: …

Claire: It is…isn't it?

Peter: Yes.

Claire: Then…go in disguise.

Peter: Excellent. I can finally wear my _Sylar costume_.

Claire: Uh…going in dressed as the guy on _the FBI's most wanted list_ isn't very smart.

Peter: Well I'm out of ideas.

In the prison, Monica is sitting next to Hiro, who is still passed out.

Monica: Because if he were awake we could just get out of here and that would be convenient to the plot…_and we wouldn't want that._

Peter shows up….wearing his disguise.

Monica: Uh….what are you supposed to be.

Peter (wearing a flower hat and a dress): Uh…hello dear….I'm Hiro's grandmother…_Aunt Bea_….I brought him a cake. WINK!

Monica: Where's the cake?

Peter: I ate it….but here's the file that was in the cake to bust you out. I almost choked on it!

Monica: Uh…that's a nail file…

Peter: DUH!

Monica: Don't you ever watch movies…you need the big file that can saw away bars!...._But I'll take that one anyway…_

Peter: Well, how else am I supposed to get you out?

Monica: Well, you somehow managed to rescue Micah…

Peter: I could fly then….

Monica: What can you do now….

Peter: _Bake cakes._

Monica: Ugh….

Peter: Don't worry, I'll get you out of here faster than you can say…

(5 minutes later)…Peter is now in the prison with Monica and Hiro….

Peter: Oh crap….that didn't work…..

Monica: _Oh crap…that didn't work_…..nope, we're still in here.

Peter: Oh, ha…ha.....

Noah and Elle reach the food court.

Sylar (on an intercom): Hello Bennet…

Elle: It's Sylar.

Noah: Good observation there, Elle.

Elle: _Really?_

Noah: No.

Elle: Aw…

Sylar: I've already done away with one of those chumps, I've killed Niki Sanders.

Noah: You fiend!

Sylar: And now…I'm going to kill you….or at least…._one of you_. How would you like _to play a game?_

Elle: He's quoting that guy from _Saw!_ Don't play the game, Mr. B!

Noah: Again….good observation.

Elle: I strive to be the best.

Noah: What do you want, Sylar….

Sylar: I want to kill you, of course. That is the job of every serial killer….

Elle: Okay, let's just get this over with….

Two red dots appear on both Noah and Elle's foreheads.

Elle: Oh man, _this game_? It's like my ninth birthday party all over again!

Noah: He's got snipers on us….

Elle: Yup, it's the same game….Stupid Bobby Fisher thinks he can pick me off from the clock tower…

Noah: I think if we…._What?!_

Elle: What?

Claire and Micah are sitting next to Molly, who is in bed.

Molly: Wow, I actually feel a lot better…Thanks, Claire.

Claire: Don't mention it. Can you tell me where Sylar is?

Molly: Let's see…the mall……

Claire: The mall?

Molly: Yes….

Claire: Uh…okay….We can do that…..

Claire's phone rings again.

Claire (answering): What now, Peter?

Peter (phone): Claire, I'm in jail!

Claire: WHAT!? How did you do that? You were supposed to get Monica and Hiro _OUT_ of jail.

Peter: I tried to dress up as Hiro's grandmother then kicked a cop in the shin and called him a whippersnapper for not respecting his elders. Then I tried to give him one of those _Monopoly 'Get Out Of Jail' cards_ and he extended my sentence for insulting his intelligence!

Claire: ……………….-sigh-……we'll be there shortly. (Click)

Mohinder, Niki, and Matt were walking down a hallway.

Mohinder: So, let me get this straight…you were attacked by _Claude Raines_. Like….'Claude'...Claude…..right?

Niki: That was him….but why is he here now?

Mohinder: I don't know…it doesn't make any sense.

Matt: Maybe he's one of those _Remnant Clone_ thingies!

Mohinder: Don't be ridiculous, Matt.

Niki: Yes, that's impossible. Completely idiotic.

Matt: Hmm.

Mohinder finds a door at the end of the hall. He opens it….it's the control room.

Mohinder: This control room, this must be where Sylar is watching over us.

Matt: Oooh….I wonder if there's any games on here….oh man, _FreeCell?! I hate Freecell!_

The door slams behind them and locks. Gas starts filling the room.

Niki: So cliché….

They start passing out one by one.

Matt: ....rosebud...

Niki: ...shut up.

A car pulls up to the police station.

Claire: Okay guys, (To Micah and Molly), I'm going to bust Peter out. You guys wait here.

Micah: Do you want me to help you? I can make their computers think that Peter's release day is today.

Claire: You can do that?

Micah: Yeah.

Claire: And the other officers won't notice?

Micah: I guess not.

Claire: Okay then.

Molly: I'll come along too, the last thing I need is to be kidnapped.

Claire and the youths proceed inside...

Claire: _Youths?!_ I'm not that much older than them! Yeesh!

Police Officer: Hey, weren't you here earlier?

Claire: No...that was my identical twin...sister...

Police Officer: Uh huh....

Claire: I'm Claire!

Police Officer: So was the other chick.

Claire: Yes...that's right....we both have the same names....

Police Officer: Whatever....so what is it?

Claire: I'm here with my children! We are on a field trip.

Officer: Uh...those two look like they're teenagers, and if you were an identical twin with your sister, that makes you 20...so you had them when you were 5?

Claire: UH......I adopted? You sure do ask a lot of questions.

Officer: And why would you bring your children to a prison full of thugs?

Claire: Still asking questions!

Claire runs over to Peter in his cell.

Claire: Peter!

Peter: _Hello Clarice...I have some fava beans and a nice..._

Claire: Peter, _that joke was already done over a year ago! _It's not funny!

Peter: WHAT!? Man, I could've sworn I was the first to come up with that one....

Claire: Micah is working on the computers, we'll have you out in no time.

Monica: Claire! Is that you? Thank goodness. You have no idea what I've been dealing with _this one_. (Nods to Peter).

Claire: Uh...yeah, I have....actually.

Noah and Elle are about to get shot between the eyes.

Elle: This is awful, my forehead is the most beautiful part of my body!

Noah: That's an odd thing to share with others.....

Elle: What do we do? I won't have time to fire any electricity off....

Noah: Where is The Haitian, he should be here by now.

Elle: I thought you couldn't get to him because _you know who_ attacked you.

Noah: Don't worry, we have a system.

Elle: What's that?

Noah: If we're on a mission, I'm supposed to call for backup if we need it. If he doesn't get a call, he sends backup anyway.

Elle: So he's just supposed to assume that you fail.

Noah: .....yes....

Elle: What does that say about you?

Noah: You're on the team too! So shut it!

Sylar: Okay, I'm back....ready to play?

Noah: We're not playing your game Sylar.

Elle: Yeah! You're just going to have to kill us!

Noah shoots her a look.

Elle: Oh right.._we DON'T want that..._

Meanwhile, Hiro wakes up in a car with Claire, Peter, Monica and Micah.

Hiro: What's going on?

Monica: Now he's awake! Yeesh!

Peter: Sylar is up to no good, Hiro. He is at the mall!

Hiro: Fiend!

Peter: We think he is behind some gruesome murders.

Claire: And right on time...

Peter: Huh?

Claire: It's 11:17....if those images on that last patient were true, then Sylar's next victim will die in 10 minutes.

Peter: Then I shall floor it!

The car speeds away.

Micah: If I can suggest something, Hiro can teleport us there now.

Monica: What are we going to do about Stiles?

Micah: We can deal with that later.

Peter: What about _that?_

A barrage of police car blocks the road.

Claire: ACK!

Micah: This isn't right, your records should have been cleared.

Monica's cell phone rings.

Monica (answering it): H...hello?

Stiles: You don't honestly think you can escape, can you, my dear?

Monica: You! How can you always anticipate my next move?

Peter: We can make the jump!

Claire: Are you crazy?! There's no ramp! You'll crash right into them.

Stiles: Let's just say I have a trick up my sleeve.

Monica: Do you.....well, so do I?

Stiles: I highly doubt that.

Monica: I don't know how you do it, but you can see what were doing right now....

Stiles: Now...how would I be able to do that?

Monica: I was just going to offer you a chance to experience things up close.

Stiles: ...

Monica nods to Molly, who whispers something in Hiro's ear. Monica hangs up her phone, a second later she looks up to see Stiles has joined her in the car.

Stiles: What the hell?

Monica: Hello, Principal.....

Stiles: What do you want?

Micah: We know what you've been doing with the school's money.

Monica: Decking out your office, the _Netflix subscriptions_....it's just sick.

Peter: I love Netflix!

Monica: Uh...anyway....we are seconds away from crashing into those police cars.

Claire: Ever heard of brakes?!

Monica: Hiro will take you somewhere very far away....if you don't give in to our demands.

Stiles: Ugh.....and what is that?

Monica: Call off the cops....start putting the money back into the school....and let me and Micah come back.

Stiles: Grr.....

Peter: ...and they lived happily ever after....

Claire shakes her head.

Back in the mall.

Sylar: Okay....next question....

Noah: Where are Mohinder and the others?

Sylar: This isn't Jeopardy, don't answer in the form of a question. Rude....

Noah: I'm serious!

Sylar: Ugh...they're safe...well....they're still alive...I don't know about safe.....

Noah: You'll never get away with this!

Sylar: Can I read my question already!

Noah: Fine....

Sylar is about to read from the card, _when Hiro pops in behind him_.

Hiro: _Whose the leader of the club, that's made for you and me!?_ M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O...

Sylar stares at him.

Hiro: ...U....S.....E.....

Sylar: ....

Hiro: Actually I was going to be clever and ask 'Who just lost to the Heroes _again?'_......but I couldn't resist.

Hiro puts his hand smack on Sylar's face and dissappears.

Both of the sniper sights vanish from Noah and Elle's foreheads.

Elle: Whew....

Peter kicks open the door where Mohinder and Co. are passed out.

Claire: (Cough) (Cough)....Looks like Niki was shot, we can take her to the hospital.

Peter: Maybe we can get our jobs back!

Claire: Uh....

Noah and Elle meet up with the others in the food court.

Noah: Claire?

Claire: Oh, hey dad! What were you doing here?

Noah: Just stopping Sylar, that's all.

Claire: Uh...I was kinda on that team...so....you didn't, really.

Noah: Ah...okay, I was being held hostage.

Claire: That's more like it.

Elle: No thanks to The Haitian! We're has he been.

Hiro (who appeared not too long ago): I can answer that. You see, Ando has been missing too. Apparently The Haitian got a letter saying he was missing a few college credits for gratuating, so Ando is tutoring him.

Noah: What a convenient excuse.

Elle: Hmm.

Peter: Well, all I can say that the worst is over. Sylar is gone! We can go back to our lives....we also stopped the next murder from happening.

Claire: Yup, I say we make pretty good investigators after all.

Peter: Yeah, I can't wait to see how we do on _The Farm_.

Claire: What?

Peter: My great-uncle's farm. I signed us up to help out...._you're going to need some really long gloves_.

Claire's mouth is agape in horror.

Peter: Kidding! HA! HA! HA! HA!....

Nobody's laughing.

Peter: That was...supposed to be the....you know....'end of the episode joke' and everyone laughs and....hmm....akward....

Later....at the hospital.

Niki: I feel a lot better actually. Mohinder patched me up pretty good, but I think I'll be fine tomorrow.

Mohinder: My full name is _Doctor Mohinder Suresh_...so...I kinda know my stuff....

Niki: ....right....(Rolls eyes)

Claire: How was Niki's gun shot wound different than the other guy I had to save.

Peter: Questions like that are for another day...Claire.

Claire: ....._when you have the answer?_

Peter: Yup.

A nurse pops in.

Nurse: Oh...Mr. Petrelli....Dr. Munroe wants to talk to you...he's on the phone.....

Peter: Ah....

Peter leaves the room an answers the phone at the receptionist desk.

Peter: What is it, Munroe?

Munroe: Well, well....congratulations, Peter....you saved yet another life.

Peter: Yeah, we rock.

Munroe: However...._it was the wrong one_.

Peter: Huh?....

Munroe: _You missed your deadline_.....the time did say _11:27_.

Claire (walking up to Peter): What's wrong?

Peter (to Claire): Uh....Sylar's evil....right?

Claire: Uh...yeah.

Peter: Munroe is the serial killer clock guy.

Claire: WHAT?!

Peter: We messed up....

Claire: Where is he?

Peter (to a nurse): Is Dr. Munroe here?

Nurse: I think someone mentioned that he was headed towards the roof.

Peter hangs up the phone, him and Claire race off without telling anyone. They open the door to the roof of the hospital. Munroe appears out of the shadows.

Peter: So....it was you all along...wasn't it.

Munroe: I just can't get you, Petrelli. I know you're doing your job....

Peter: Well, we did quit and become temporary investigators.

Munroe: But...something's not right with you...._both of you_.

Claire: Uh...

Munroe: I lied actually.....on the phone.

Peter: Oh.....you didn't kill anyone...that was nice of you.

Munroe: ...no....._I actually missed my deadline_.

Peter: ....

Claire: ...

Munroe: But...better late than never.

Munroe fires a gun into Claire's chest. She topples over the edge of the building and falls.

Peter: ACK!

Claire splats against the pavement.

Claire: Uh...that stung.....

Peter spins back around to Munroe.

Munroe: Strange....you don't seem bothered at all.

Peter: Uh....Well.....she ate the last apple fritter at breakfast so....yeah....she's dead! High five man!

Munroe: You're full of it.

Munroe aims his gun. Peter clinches his face.....

Peter (to himself): Oh, why can't I have time travel....

Peter opens his eyes....Munroe is gone.

Peter: Huh?

Peter looks around.....he is nowhere to be found. He rushes to the edge where Claire lies on the pavement. Claire stares back up at him.

Claire (mouthing): _Well?_

Peter shrugs.

_To Be Continued._

Next time:

Nathan: the company deux will be opening for business in a few days. It has come to my attention that these individuals pose a severe threat to the community. I will be in charge of making sure these people are captured...._and I promise it'll go a lot smoother than last time. _

Noah and Angela exchange glances.

Claire bumps into someone at the store.

Guy: Hello....My name is Edward....and I love you.

Claire: Uh.....

Edward: You know what I am?....You can say it....

Claire: ...._Vampire_....

Edward: WHAT!? No...I actually work at Blockbuster....where did you get that?!

Claire: Uh....nothing!

Elle: Well, now that everyone isn't dead, we'll continue the next mission. We need you to find someone.....by orders from the Mayor....

Matt: McCheese?!

Elle: No.

Matt: Damn....cause that would've been cool.

Munroe: I know your secrets, Petrelli......soon the world will know.

Peter: Would an economy sized jug of _Bisquick_ change your mind.

He flops it on the table.

Peter: There's a lot more where that came from.

Munroe: Not the most formidable opponent, are you?

Coming Soon!


	22. I Love You, Claire Bennet

The Heroes Parody Project

Author's Note: Merry Christmas! (It's a little early, oh well)

_Disclaimer: The Heroes Parody Project a fan fiction based off of the show 'Heroes'. It is copyright NBC and Tim Kring, and I am not affiliated with any of the cast or crew. Reader Discretion is advised._

Niki is running down a hallway in a panic. She burst into a room that has the words 'Peter' on the door. She spots him sitting in a chair eating grapes, while one of the crew members applies his makeup.

Niki: Peter! We have a huge problem. Have you read tonight's script?

Peter: We get scripts?! (Throws a grape into the air to catch it with his mouth....MISS!)

Niki: Well, there hasn't been a new episode in like...a month. So for Christmas, the producers want us to air tonight's episode _LIVE!_

Peter: …..Live?

Niki: Yes! It's completely stupid! The last author who tried to do a _live episode_ almost died at the keyboard! He's still in finger rehabilitation!

Peter: ….I'm gonna be...._Live?_

Niki: Uh, yeah....we already covered this.....

Peter hops out of his chair, knocking over the makeup lady.

Peter: Out of my way, Mohinder...

Niki: Niki....wait....Where did you get Mohinder?

Peter: I'm gonna be...._a star!_

Peter runs out.

Peter (yelling): Can you bring my grapes?

Niki: This is going to be a disaster....

Director: Okay, places people.....Heroes Live...goes....Live....in.....3......2......1.....ACTION!!!

Peter, Claire, and Hiro run up.

Hiro: YATTA! I have to save the world.....wait....that doesn't make any sense.....

Peter: Sylar is in that building up ahead. We can get to him if we stick together.

Claire: Oh, I wish I could understand my power. I'm so confused about who I really am. What should I do, Zach?..._ZACH?!_ He hasn't been on the show in years!

Sylar: Hello, Heroes.....oh man....seriously? Who wrote this?

Peter: I've come to stop you, Sylar! You will kill no more.....no more.......okay, that was put twice....(flipping through pages)

Sylar: Die!

Sylar moves his finger. Everybody stands there.

Claire (reading): Claire's head gets cut.....Claire: OW! MY HEAD! Claire fall down.

Elle appears.

Elle: Don't worry guys! I'll save you.

Elle flings her wrists....nothing.

Elle: Wait....._is this live?_

Peter: Yeah....

Elle: But we don't get our actual powers until _post production and editing!_ Whose idea was this?

Sylar (reading): Sylar gets zapped by lightning, Sylar fall down. Well, I'm done....(tosses the script).

Claire: I'm outta here....

Peter: Good, the show is mine now.....

Matt and Mohinder run up dressed in suits and top hats.

Peter (flipping his hat on): Okay gents....let's take it from the top......

Peter, Matt, and Mohinder moves their canes from side to side.

Guys: _ONE! Singular sensation...every little step she takes!_

Niki: Niki hates show. Niki quits show to pursue something better. Niki exits stage left. CUT! EDIT!

Hiro: _Previously on Heroes_...

Nathan is looking through Angela's computer, finding the files on Company Deux.

Nathan: You have my support....but I'm calling the shots.

Angela: Ewwwww......

The final remnant clone (a replica from the failed 'Remnant Project' led by Thomas Fox that can clone DNA from any person that Peter Petrelli has came in contact with in his lifetime) is revealed to be _Claude Raines._

Elle: Holy crap!

Elle and Noah are held hostage in the mall. Sylar, who is watching them from the security room gets a visit from Hiro.

Hiro: Bye now!

Monica (To Principal Stiles): You will give in to our demands, or else!

Stiles: Fine!

Monica: That was easy....

Niki, who was shot by Sylar for no reason (other than being evil, which I guess is a good enough reason), was taken to the hospital. Peter gets a call from Munroe, for him and Claire rush to the roof.

Peter: Munroe!

Munroe: You've been chasing after the wrong killer, Peter. You've missed your deadline....

Peter: You are the killer!....damn....I was really hoping it was Sylar again....

Munroe: But the thing is....I missed the deadline too....but it's never too late.

Munroe shoots Claire who falls off the building. Peter runs to the edge to check on her, spinning around to find that Munroe has vanished into thin air.

---

Peter runs outside to meet Claire.

Peter: Claire! Are you all right?!

Claire: I've been better....

Peter: Whew, for a second I thought I had to peel you off the sidewalk.

A nurse who was walking by stares at them.

Peter: Metaphorically speaking, of course...

Nurse: Suspicious....

Peter: What happened?!

Claire: Peter....Munroe shot me, and I fell. You were there the whole time. I should ask you that!

Peter: Okay, go ahead.

Claire: …...

Peter: …..

Claire: ….sigh....What happened!?

Peter: I don't know.

Claire: UGH!

Noah (running out): Claire! Are you okay?

Peter: I just asked her that. Get with the program, Noah.....

Noah: ….Anyway.....

Claire: I'm fine....How did you know to come out here?

Noah: A doctor said they saw a girl fall from the building. It took me twenty minutes to convince him it was just a giant bird, but fortunately I forgot the Haitian was back on call so I took care of him.

Claire: A giant bird?

Peter: Dr. Munroe is the serial killer....He must be stopped!

Noah: Okay, Peter, I'm leaving this up to you.....

Peter: You can't give me orders! I don't work for you.

Noah: Fine, you're hired!

Peter: Yes!

Claire: You don't even know what he does!

Peter: I won't dissapoint you, sir! Claire will be in safe hands. Come along, Claire Bear....

Peter grabs Claire by her hair and drags her along.

Claire: AHHH! OW! OW! ACK!

Noah answers his ringing phone.

Noah (on cell): What?

Angela: Hello Noah....

Noah: Yes....

Angela: It's....Angela....

Noah: I know that!

Angela: Meet me here....in the Mayor's office.....we have business to discuss.

Noah: Oh boy.....

Miles and miles away....in the mountains. The snowy, windy, treacherous mountains. A man is hiking to the summit. He makes it there, pulling off his ski hat and mask to reveal himself to be _Jax_, the intern to Sylar. Who just so happens to be tied to a rock on the top of the mountain.

Jax: Why did I take my mask off? It's cold out here.....probably to build dramatic tension....

Sylar: Well, it didn't work! Now get me down from here!

Jax: Right away sir....

Sylar: And where's my coffee?

Jax: I must have left it in the cabin......I'll go get it! (Runs off)

Sylar: WAIT!.....ugh......

(_AS THE WORLD TURNS.............HEROES)_

Noah is in an elevator, he looks for the button to push for the correct floor. The top button is labeled:

_CHAPTER TWENTY TWO  
'I LOVE YOU, CLAIRE BENNET'_

Noah: What the.....?!

Noah gets off on the correct floor. He is greeted by Angela and Nathan.

Noah: Good evening, Angela. _Good to see you're not dead, Nathan_.

Nathan: What the hell kind of greeting was that?!

Noah: So....you are aware about....our plans?

Nathan: Yes....and like I said in the _Previously On Heroes segment_...

Noah slaps his forehead....

Nathan: You have my full support....but....this will be _my _operation.

Noah: Um......well....

Nathan: You...don't want me to be in charge?

Noah: It's not that we don't want you to be in charge. We just want your money....and not....your....involvement.....at all.....ever....

Nathan:_ Oh that's so much better!_

Angela: Now, now....Noah, let's hear him out. He might have a good idea or two.

Noah: You're only going along with this because he's your son.

Angela: Nonsense!....I appreciate your input too. (To Nathan)...._I'm only patronizing him because he's my business partner_.

Noah: Do we need to have the 'Discretion Talk' again?....Because you obviously still don't know how that works.....

Nathan: Those are my terms. If you want my money, I want the Company Deux to be ran the way I see fit.

Noah: Fine.....what are your terms?

Nathan: First off....change the name.

Noah: WHAT!?

Nathan: 'Company Deux' sucks.....it lacks originality. You just took the name of the original and slapped the number 2 on it.

Noah: Uh.....it's the _second Company_......what else would we call it?

Nathan: How about...._The Syndicate?_

Noah: No.

Nathan: The _Workshop?_

Noah: NO!

Nathan: _Nathan's Bar and Grill_.

Noah: Can we vote on this later?!

Nathan: Fine.....first thing's first.....Here is your first assignment.

Noah (reading): ….._ Nathan Case, International Spy Of Intrigue?!_ Is this a screenplay?

Nathan: AHH! Give that back! I gave you the wrong thing.

Noah (reading the plot): _A simple man working at an electronic store. Nathan Case accidentally get a chip full of government secrets installed in his head. Now, everybody is after him_.....Wait a minute.....That's the plot from _Chuck!_

Nathan: No it's not!

Angela: It actually is the plot from _Chuck_, Nathan.....

Nathan: UGH! Can I just have that back already?!

Nathan swipes it and hands Noah a picture of someone.

Nathan: Have your top men on this one......You have 24 hours......Dismissed!

Noah: This is going to get old....very quickly......

_Claire Bennet  
The Grocery Store  
We Need A Spill On Aisle 4....Spill On Aisle 4 Requested.....(Some punks run over and throw some pickle jars on the ground)_

_Claire walks up to get some eggs. She bumps into someone._

_Claire: OOF! Oh....I'm sorry...._

_Man: …..._

_  
Claire: …..uh......so....._

_Man: …..(staring)....._

_Claire: …..sorry bout that......bye now...._

_Man: My name is Edward...._

_Claire: That's nice......_

_Edward: ….I love you....(He storms off)_

_Claire: That was creepy.....and flattering........not that I can blame him. I was voted in High School 'Most likely to get hit on by some random guy in a run down grocery store'.....hmm._

_Claire grabs the eggs and checks out....the clerk is Peter._

_Claire: PETER!_

_Peter: Hello Claire.....it's been a long time._

_Claire: You mean the twenty minutes it took you to drop me off at home and I was going to make scrambled eggs but we had no eggs so that's why I'm here and you somehow managed to get a job....how does that work?_

_Peter: I've been looking around and can't find any traces of Munroe anywhere.....but enough about that......who's your friend? (Smirking)_

_Claire: Hmm?....Are you talking about the guy I bumped into at the eggs?....I don't know, I've never seen him before._

_Peter: Suuuuure......_

_Claire: No, I just bumped into him.....He's kinda weird, he may be a stalker.....or a dangerous killer.....maybe you should protect me from him and not hook us up like my dad hired you for!_

_Peter: It's cool Claire....we're adults here.....You can tell your good ol' Uncle Peter about your boyfriend....._

_Claire: He's not my boyfriend! UGH!_

_She storms out. _

_Peter (singing): Claire and.........uh.......hmm......HEY! What's his name?_

_Claire: Shut up! (Leaves)_

_Mohinder, Matt, and Niki  
Mohinder's Apartment_

_Their Landlord's Facebook status reads: Glad I'm finally going to be able to rid of some tenants....uh oh._

_Mohinder: We're getting evicted!? Why?_

_Landlord: You haven't paid your rent in months!_

_Matt: But don't you like having us around anyway? We're your friends!_

_Landlord: Friends!? (To Matt) You've have caused thousands of dollars of damage to the apartment with your stupid money making schemes or whatever it is you do!_

_Matt: What else am I going to spend my rent money on?!_

_Landlord: (To Niki) You're just destructive!_

_Niki: It's because of Matt. He brings the worst out of me. _

_Landlord (To Mohinder): And you!....You're the worst!_

_Mohinder: ME?!_

_Landlord: You wont shut up with those stupid monologues! _

_Mohinder: How does that make me the worse!_

_Landlord: I'm not even in your little group.....I shouldn't have to hear it! I've been getting complaints from everyone in the complex and I've had it! Go! Get lost! Begone!_

_The landlord slams the door._

_Matt: That's it! We're not paying rent next month!_

_Mohinder and Niki look at Matt._

_Mohinder: Now what?_

_Matt: I have an idea......._

_Peter (in his doorway to his place): You want to stay here.....at my place?!_

_Matt: Yeah, man!_

_Peter and Matt: SLEEP OVER!!!_

_Niki: Uh...NO! We already did this, remember? Noah hired us to sleep over and destroy his house so Elle could get shipped off to Egypt while him and Nathan stowed away on a boat in an attempt to win Claire's love or something.....I can't believe I remembered that....._

Matt: Yeah.....but.....this time......yeah.....

Matt and Mohinder go in.

Niki: I guess I have no choice.....

Meanwhile, in the cabin. Sylar is drinking hot cocoa....

Sylar: I wanted coffee but whatever.....

Jax: Okay, here is the new budget list. Everything is going great for _LOVE_. (The League Of Villainy and Evil)

Sylar: Yes, the name of my new Super Villain Group....wait....._we're still going with that name?_

Jax: Yes, sir....

Sylar: But....I hate that name! Change it!

Jax: Okay, we did take a vote....the other two we can choose between are uh....._The Syndicate and Nathan's Bar and Grill._

Sylar: …...

Jax: …....

Sylar: …..._The Syndicate is fine_. (Rolls eyes)

Jax: I'll let everyone know.

Sylar: I have a few people in mind who can join us in our cause......

Back at Claire's.....

Claire writes in her diary:

_Dear Diary....today sure was a weird day.....The End_.

Claire: UGH! All I wanted for my birthday was a normal diary to write in! All my dad gave me was this _roll of paper towels! _It makes for horrible stationery.

Claire knocks over her drink, the roll of paper towels absorbs the spill and grows twice its size.

Claire: DAMMIT!

Claire stops.....feeling like someone's there....

Claire: Who's there?!

Claire looks around:

Claire (singing): _Sometimes it feels like....somebody's watching meeee_......

Claire spins around to find a stack of dollar bills_ with eyes glued on it._

Claire: Oh! It's just you....whew!.....

Claire turns back around to find Edward outside her window.

Claire: AHHHHHHH!!!!! CREEP!

Edward jumps away.

Meanwhile, at The Office......Noah and Elle are talking.

Elle: So, the Haitian is back from his hiatus?

Noah: Yes, and not a moment too soon. Nathan is calling the shots now.....and this is our first target.

Elle: _Who is Nathan Case?!_

Noah: That's his screenplay! I stole it from his office! It's hilarious!

Elle: OOH! Can we act it out? Can we? Can we?!

Noah: Okay! Okay!......I'll be Nathan Case.....you'll be his partner, _Veronica Fox. _

Elle: Hee! Okay....and action!

Elle (Veronica): _Oh Mr. Case! I'm so glad you got here just in time! I just don't know what I would do without someone as Brawny as you...._Isn't that a paper towel brand?

Noah: Yeah, I get them for Claire all the time.....okay....my turn....

Noah (Nathan Case): _I would do anything for you, Veronica my sweet. Saving the world means nothing unless you are part of that world_.

Elle: _Oh, Nathan! Can I have your permission to fall in love with you?....(snicker)...._

Noah: _My answer, is yes, Veronica. _

Elle: _Then as of now.....I love you, Nathan Case!_

Noah (tearing up with laughter): This is too much.....okay......._I accept your love, Veronica...but I have a surprise for you. I am not Nathan Case...I am actually his brother, Peter Von Backstabber!_

Elle: GASP! A twist!....._They have separate last names!?_

Noah (reading): Peter kidnaps Veronica as she yells for help. Nathan hears her cries and runs to her, only to find he is too late. He can only think of one place to go....the clock tower! Where him and his brother will fight in a final showdown......and that's it.

Elle: That's it?! I want to know what happens! Who do I end up with?!

Noah: You'll have to ask Nathan.

Elle: But he'll kill us if he finds out we read this!

Noah: Good point.....I'll think of something....

Meanwhile, The Haitian walks in.

Haitian: There you are!

Noah: This coming from the man who's been gone all volume! What's going on?

Haitian: I've been looking for you. Sandra and Lyle are here.

Noah: WHAT?! WHY!?

Haitian: It's 'Take Your Family To Work Day'.

Noah: Seriously? They couldn't save that subplot for another chapter? Elle and I are trying to find out the ending to Nathan's crappy screenplay!

Haitian: …..........I don't know what to say to that.

Noah: I know! Make them forget!

Haitian: Sandra already paid me to _not_ do that. She's one step ahead of you.

Noah: Damn.....fine. Elle, get your guys to track down the Villain of the Week.

Elle: You haven't told me who it was yet!

Noah: Then get to Nathan's office, I'll meet you there after I deal with my family. Now go!

Elle: Uh....

Back at home, Claire is looking around for videos on _MyTube_....(lawsuit!).....

Claire: Hmm....what's this?

There's a video of _Edward _killing a man by holding his hands up to his neck.

Claire: GASP! It's the creep! Wow! That's pretty realistic. This sure has a lot of hits.....My stalker is a celebrity! Swoon.....But this is obviously fake....

Back at Peter's.....

Niki walks out of the bathroom and into the bedroom.

Niki: A bunk bed? Sigh.....

Niki walks over to the ladder where she bumps into Peter.

Peter: Oh...fancy meeting you here.

Niki: You were just leaving.

Peter: Oh, no...(laughs)....The top bunk is mine.

Niki: …....Uh....I hate to disagree with you but I get the top bunk.

Peter: But....it's my apartment.

Niki: But....I hate you all. So....move it.

Peter: Paper, Rock, Scissors!

Niki: Fine....I call _Swiss Army Knife._

Peter: Huh?

Niki: The Swiss Army knife has scissors which cuts paper, a screwdriver to take apart your scissors, and a chisel to break away your rock.

Peter: Wow, you're good.

Niki: I get top bunk.

Peter: Okay, you win this round.

Claire walks back into the store.

Claire: Figures I forgot the milk.....

She walks over to pick up a gallon but is greeted by Edward.

Edward: I got this....for you.

Claire: Hey, milk!.....And its 2 percent! How did you know?

Edward: …..

Claire: Really....How did you know that?

Edward: It's what was in your refrigerator.

Claire: That would be the place to look.....wait...._You were in my house!?_

Edward: Only countless times!

Claire: AHH!

Claire grabs the milk and runs out of the store.

Clerk: HEY! YOU DIDN'T PAY FOR THAT!!!!

Noah is walking down the hall of his office with The Haitian, Sandra, Lyle, and Muggles!

Sandra: This is just lovely, Noah! You should bring us here more often.

Noah: Yeah, that would be great. (Sarcasm!)

Lyle: It's kinda boring.

Noah: You want to go home!? I can make that happen!

Lyle: Nah, it's boring but it is better than hanging out at home.

Noah: Okay....but if you want to go home just say so.

Lyle: I'm fine.

Noah: Anytime.....

Lyle: I'm good, really.

Noah: Last chance....

Lyle: I said I'm good!

Noah: Okay.......what?

Lyle: What?

Noah: I thought you said you wanted to go....

Lyle: I WANT TO STAY!!!!

Noah: Okay......

Elle runs into the hall to meet them.

Elle: Mr. B!

Noah: Elle! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be doing _that other thing!_

Elle: I found out who our target was because you wouldn't tell me earlier, I'll have the crew on it right away.

Elle is holding a status profile of _Edward_.

Claire runs home and locks the door. She goes into the kitchen and puts the milk into the fridge. Turning around to find Edward standing there.

Edward: Why are you running, Claire? We were meant to be together....

Claire: I don't know you!......Just so we're clear, Peter didn't set you up to this did he?

Edward: I have a special ability Claire....

Claire: Of course....

Edward: I don't have long for this world, time is running out for me. But I can extend my lifespan by taking the lives of others.

Claire: How does that work?

Edward: Well, the years that add on to me are equal to the ones I take. So if I kill someone who is 30 years old then that tacks on 30 years to my life.

Claire: You can tell how old people are that easily?

Edward: Yes....I can smell age......Even in this house.......Your dad is 51, your mother is 49, your brother Lyle is 18, and I don't care how old Muggles is because dog years confuse me.

Claire: Well...That's a stupid power! It's also a little excessive. How many people have you killed?

Edward: Several hundred.

Claire: How long do you have left to live?

Edward: Only 6,344 years!

Claire: UGH! That's insane! Why do you want me?

Edward: I've done my homework, Claire. You cannot die.....

Claire: How did you find that out?! If you say the internet I swear I'll have Micah build a _Haitian Virus_ and send it straight to the Google servers!

Edward: Think of it, I can absorb your life and you won't be affected at all! We can both live forever.

Claire: NEVER! You psycho!

Claire runs into the kitchen, grabs the milk from the fridge, and runs out of the house.

Grocery Clerk (running in): YOU STILL HAVEN'T PAID FOR THAT!!!!

Back at the Office, Elle is giving a power point presentation on their next target: Edward!

Elle: Okay, team. We all know our last mission was a total success.

Niki: You mean the 'fake bomb mission' that you sent us on for training purposes that ended up with you and Mr. Bennet being held hostage and me being shot and now some _Claude _clone running around with Sylar?

Elle: That would be the one. Wait.....

Elle takes roll, and notices that Mohinder, Niki, and Peter are in the room.

Elle: Peter? What are you doing here?

Peter: Matt and I switched places. Now that we're all living together, we're best buds. He's taking over for my shift at the market. But we can keep in touch because we're both playing a game wirelessly on our _Funtendo BS_. The BS stands for Bi-Screen.

Niki: …..(Looks at Elle)

Elle: Right.....Well, this is the guy, he's very dangerous. Go get him, team!

Noah: Well, that's the end of the tour. All of that you didn't really need to see but.....I'm sure we can get around that.

The Haitian shakes his head.

Noah: Seriously? Not even make them forget half of it?!

Haitian: She's paying me by the hour.

Noah: I'll double it.

Haitian: Seeing as how you are searching for funding from Nathan Petrelli, I wouldn't recommend that.

Noah: Tch....fine........Well, goodbye, family. It's been fun. But I have more work to do, see you at home.

Sandra: Okay, bye dear!

Lyle: I actually wasn't paying attention, I wouldn't mind going again.

Noah: Okay, that's nice. BYE!

Noah slams the door and hops on his phone.

Noah (on phone): Where are you?

Elle: The troops have their mission, I'm on my way to Nathan's.

Noah: I'll meet you there.

Claire is running for her life (which she has plenty of, by the way)

Claire: Whatever!

Edward: Claire! Come back, Claire!

Claire: ACK!

She ends up in a corn field....

Claire: How long has one of these been here?!

She tries to maneuver through the endless field, only to get suddenly tackled by Edward.

Claire: EEK!

Edward: Now....immortal life....will be mine!

Claire: This is bad.....

Edward holds his hands over Claire's neck....strands of blood start to stream from her neck and into Edward's skin.

Claire: Gross-ness!

A clicking sound is heard, Edward looks up to see Niki holding a gun to his face.

Niki: Show's over, dirt bag!

Edward flies off to the side.

Niki: Okay, that wasn't expected.

Edward rolls on the ground where Mohinder tries to kick him. Edward grabs his leg and twists it, pinning him to the ground.

Mohinder: OOF!

Edward: I will get life no matter what it takes.

Mohinder: Backup! Someone!

Edward feels a sharp sting in the back of his head. He passes out, standing above him is Peter holding his _Funtendo_.

Peter: Score one for the good guys!

Niki: How was he able to stop the villain when _I had the gun?_

Claire: I try to accept the fact that nothing makes sense anymore.

Niki: You might be on to something there....

Later that evening......

Peter, just finishing taking a shower, reaches out to grab a towel. He spots Munroe standing in the bathroom doorway.

Peter: Uh....hey.....you.......

Munroe: Hello, Peter.

Peter: How long have you been standing there? Kinda creepy.....

Munroe: I just wanted to have a word with you.

Peter: Um....just so we're on the same page.....Where did you go after the hospital when you shot Claire and how did you get away so fast?

Munroe: Yes....Claire.....she's special....isn't she?

Peter: How did you find that out? It was Google, wasn't it? Oh I bet she'll love to hear this.

Munroe presents his laptop and opens it.

Peter: Hey, cool it with the electronics, buster....some of us are still covered with water and that's bad!

Munroe plays a few movies on his hard drive....

Munroe: I have three movies to show you. The first is of you using telekinesis to get through the crowds at Wal-Mart on Black Friday.

(Video: Peter reaches the crowd, he holds his hands together and spreads them apart as the horde of people split into two groups, making a perfect walkway for him. Peter runs up and grabs the last _Funtendo BS_.)

Peter: Oops!

Munroe: The second was a secret camera I had installed in the room of that gunshot patient. You know, the one where _Claire injected her blood into him_. Hmm...I wonder what that does?

Peter: Uh.....

Munroe: And most importantly, this video I took of my car....which has splattered blood on it when _someone fell from the roof of the hospital_. Guess whose blood that belongs to?

Peter: The car's?

Munroe: That is all.

Munroe gives a devilish grin and walks out of the room. Niki walks past him and stops in the bathroom doorway.

Peter: Hi!

Niki: They're called _answering machines, _Peter. Try them sometime.......

Niki reaches in and closes the door.

Elsewhere, Nathan and Angela are watching Edward sit in his cell. On Level 52.

Nathan: Level 52?

Angela: It was supposed to be Level 5.2. But the guy screwed it up.

Nathan: Great.

Angela: Well, I would say this is a first mission well done.

Nathan: I think this new company.....which I haven't decided on what to name yet.....is going places.

Angela: I couldn't agree more.

Nathan: Yes.

Angela: You named it _Nathan's Bar and Grill, didn't you?_

Nathan: Yes.

Angela: Please change it to something else.

Nathan: Okay.

Nathan walks off. He enters his office to find Elle and Noah there.

Nathan: Uh....hey, guys.....can I help you with something? Oh, great job capturing that guy today.

Elle (whispering): How did you want to ask him?

Noah: Discreetly.

Elle: Got it......Hey, Nathan....

Nathan: Yeah.

Elle: Noah took your screenplay and wants to know how it ends.

Noah: Remind me to give both you and Angela the 'Discretion Talk'.

Nathan: YOU DID WHAT?!

Elle: No, no, Nathan....don't get the wrong idea....I hated it!

Nathan: ….

Elle: But we want to know how it ends! You just left it....hanging!

Nathan: Because I haven't finished it....You shouldn't have took it! That's...just wrong!

Elle: So! How does it end.......?

Nathan: I don't know! It's just not finished yet!

Elle: Seriously....what loser author just starts up something and just cliff hangs it right before it's finished. I mean, who has the nerve to just....

…........

….........

….........

….........

…........

To Be Continued...


	23. The Dangerous Lives Of Agents

The Heroes Parody Project

Author's Note: Merry Christmas......again......

_Disclaimer: The Heroes Parody Project a fan fiction based off of the show 'Heroes'. It is copyright NBC and Tim Kring, and I am not affiliated with any of the cast or crew. Reader Discretion is advised._

And now....in honor of this Christmas Holiday Season.....

Niki: I thought last week's episode was the Christmas Special.....though not a very good one......I'm so confused.

Matt: Presents! YAY!

….It's _Heroes: The Christmas Special: It's A Wonderful Christmas Carol On 34__th__ Street!_

Noah: Lawsuit!

It's Christmas Time in the land of _Whatville_....

Niki: I'm so not participating in this one....(leaves)

And a _grinchy fellow wants to steal Christmas..._

Sylar: WHAT?! I don't want to be the Grinch! I like Christmas!

Meanwhile....a mean old codger is running her workers wild on Christmas Eve!

Angela: Faster, fools! I want all these shipments out by today!....I mean they wont actually leave the building until Monday.....but on that note...._No Breaks...Or Holiday Pay....or Pay In General!_

But she gets visited by three ghosts of Christmas...Time or whatever.....

Angela is napping on the couch under her pile of money. Nathan, the ghost of Christmas Past, throws a rock through her window because her front door is locked.

Nathan: _I'm not D.L! _I can't phase through walls! I have to do things the hard way! Sheesh!

Nathan walks up and gets up in Angela's face.

Nathan: OOOOH! _I'M THE GHOOOST OF CHRISTMAS PAAAAASTTT!_ (wiggles fingers)

Angela: AHHH!

She punches Nathan in the face.

Nathan: OW!! _WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?_

Angela: You scared me, Nathan! Now _go to your room!_

Nathan: Who punches the Ghost of Christmas Past?!

Meanwhile....

Sandra: Claire, dear, what would you like for Christmas?

Claire: A _Red Ryder Carbine Action 200 Shot Range Model Air Rifle!_ I've always wanted one ever since I just saw it in this catalog....

Sandra: No way! _You'll shoot your eye out!_

Peter (singing): _You'll shoot your eye out! You'll shoot your eye out!_

Claire: Don't you have a home to go to?!

Claire shoots the rifle, and hits the target.

Claire: You thought I was going to miss! Weren't you?

Peter however, _misses the target completely..._

Claire: AHH! You shot my eye out!

Peter: Ah....kids.....

Niki (To Matt): You knocked Santa Claus off the roof and killed him! _Now you have to be Santa Claus this year_.

Matt: Good thing I was already growing this beard. Bring me more Oreos, woman!

Niki: All I have are these _Droxies. _

Matt: _But I hate Droxies!_

Matt (in the sleigh, readying up his reindeer): On _Bashful, On Sleepy, On Dopey, On Doc!_

Niki (down below): Those are the _Seven Dwarves_, _you moron!_

Angela (On the Subway, sitting next to Hiro): So, let me guess....you're the ghost of Christmas Future.....?

Hiro: Yes, and I come bringing a message.....

Angela: If it's "_Save The Christmas, Save The World"_, I'm going to deck you....

Hiro: No! No!....Uh....It's uh.......uh.......hmm........It's _"Save The Christmas, Save The World"..._

PUNCH!

Hiro: OOF!

Noah runs up to the side of a bridge.

Noah: I've realized that it's a wonderful life and would do anything to be with my wife and kids again. Good thing I learned this valuable lesson on what life would be like if I never existed..._even though this was kinda already covered in the last Volume_. Every time a bell rings, an Angel gets its wings....(Starts ringing a bell)

Noah (noticing a small child standing next to him): What?

Child: Ice Cream!

Noah: Whaaat?! I don't have any ice cream! I was just ringing this for......whatever. Beat it, kid!

The kid kicks Noah in the shins.

Noah: OW! Dammit....

Peter (in the director's chair, looking at a list): Hmm....okay, how many Christmas Movies did we butcher....?

Claire: One too many.

Peter: Okay, I had my fun....Let's do the actual show now.

Elle: Wait a damn minute! Me and Mohinder didn't get to do our segment!

Peter: This intro has ran long enough, we have to do the real show now....

Elle: Hmm, I'll get my Christmas Movie....no matter what it takes....

Claire: _Previously on Heroes_...

Elle (on a plane): Oh no! Mohinder!

Mohinder: What is it, my darling wife?

Elle: _We left Kevin back at home! Alone! _

Matt: I thought I was Santa....oh well....(Smacks some cologne on)..AHHHH....ooh, that burns......ahh...that really burns.....oh my god that really hurts.....ugh _Sweet Valley High! What did I put on my face?! Argh! The agony!_

Peter: Is it New Year's yet...?

Claire: _Previously on Heroes.....I'm not saying it again!_

Peter: Munroe is the serial killer!

Claire: Where did he go?

Peter: I just vanished!

Peter leans out of the shower to find Munroe standing there. He shows Peter several clips of him and Claire showing off their powers.

Munroe: That's all I wanted to show you. Bye!

Munroe leaves...._flushing the toilet on his way out. _

Peter: HEY! That didn't happen last time...AHH! HOT! HOT! HOT!

Hiro makes Sylar disappear to a giant rock on a snowy mountaintop. He is rescued by Jax, his assistant. All in the name of _LOVE!_

Sylar: We're the _Syndicate _now! No more of that love crap....

Jax: I kinda liked it....

Sylar: Quiet, you.....

Edward: My name is Edward....and I love you, Claire Bennet....

Claire: Aw....how terrifying.....running away now.

Edward chases Claire into a field. Mohinder and co. capture him and throw him in Level 52.

Nathan: Someone needs to put more thought into what we name these things....

Hiro: I am a History Teacher at this school, not like anyone would remember that since we haven't covered this in like _five chapters!_

Hiro gets crap thrown at him.

---

BZZ! BZZ! BZZ! BZZ! BZZ! BZZ!

SLAP!

Noah Bennet swings his arm, crushing his alarm clock.

-7:00am-

Shower....

Dressed.....

Cereal.....

Noah walks up to Sandra, who hands him his suitcase and gives him a peck on the cheek. He leaves.

_CHAPTER TWENTY THREE "THE DANGEROUS LIVES OF AGENTS"_

Noah is driving his car to work, while at the stop light. Hiro and Ando drive past him, on their way to the school.

Ando (driving): What are you looking at?

Hiro: I've jotted down some ideas on what I can do to get my students to pay attention and like me.

Ando: Dude....let it go. Your students will always hate you.

Hiro: Not after this brilliant plan.....now, floor it! We're running late!

Ando: You never want to teleport to school, which would be _so much faster!_

Back at the Bennet home....Claire is eating breakfast, Peter walks in.

Claire: Uh....knock?

Peter: Whose there?

Claire: …..nevermind.

Peter: So.....Claire.

Claire: Peter.

Peter: Claire......

Claire: Uh....Peter.

Peter: …..sigh......Claire....

Claire: What do you want, Peter?

Peter: So....here's the thing. There may be.....a possibility.....don't quote me.......that there is....a chance....that.....Munroe knows about our powers.

Claire: That's bad!

Peter: I knew you would blow this out of proportion...

Claire: Peter! He has to be stopped! As long as he knows about our powers he can blackmail us!

Peter: I didn't think of that.....

Claire: So what are we going to do....

Peter (walking away, he turns around): _I'm going to work_.....

He turns back around and runs smack into The Bennet's Christmas Tree.

Peter: ACK! I'm always running into these things......

Claire: ….......

_---As an Earth ornament on the tree slowly turns around.....Heroes!---_

-8:05am-

Noah gets into the office and gets a text message from Sandra.

_Dear Noah,_

_I can't wait to see the office today. I know that we were just up there yesterday for 'Bring Your Family To Work' day but unfortunately, I misread the Calendar and it's actually today. I didn't want to spoil anything so I had the Haitian wipe yesterday's visit. So we'll be by around noon. _

_Hugs and Kisses _

_Sandra, Lyle, and Mr Muggles!_

_-Sent from Sandra's iPhone_

Noah: …..........

Noah grabs a cup of coffee and takes a sip....immediately spitting it out.

Noah: OH CRAP!

Noah storms into the newly named '_Situation Room'_, where Elle and The Haitian are discussing nothing of particular importance.

Noah: Did you wipe my wife's memory yesterday's tour!?

Haitian: Yes, because she wanted me too.

Noah: You couldn't make her forget about the tour altogether?

Haitian: That's not what I was paid to do.

Noah: _Do you even work for me anymore?!_

Elle: You seemed distressed, Mr. B! What's wrong?

Noah: Well, she's coming back! At noon....and this time, we're not going to show her anything suspicious.

Elle: You want a _cover-up?_

Noah: Yes....I want your guys on it, Elle!

Elle: Aye! Aye! Sir......

Meeting!

Elle: Okay, roll call. Niki, Mohinder, Matt, and Peter....

Peter: Present!

Elle: Okay, I talked to Noah, Peter. And there is only room for _3 agents_ on the staff. So technically we should kick you out....

Peter: GAH!

Elle: But, we can keep you on....as _The Sandwich Boy_. You will be responsible for our meals.

Peter: That's even better...

Matt: Lucky!

Niki: Did you need us for something?

Mohinder: Wait....why can't we have a fourth agent. We almost die in every one of our missions! We can use the manpower....

Elle: SHH! Mohinder....Niki has the floor.

Niki: Ooh...I like the sound of that....But, that was all I asked.....Why are we here?

Elle: There will be some important clients coming in.....

Niki: Bennet's family.....

Elle: How did you know that?!

Niki: We were in the room with you!

5 minutes ago...

Noah: I want your guys on this, Elle!

Elle: Aye! Aye! Sir.....I just hope they don't screw this one up again!

Niki: Uh...we're in the room.

Noah: Yeah, but hey! They're underpaid and expendable! What more can you want?

Niki: We can totally hear you! We're not stupid!

Elle: Yeah, I mean a total numbskull would actually risk their lives for something like this.

Niki (pointing at herself): _WE'RE STILL HERE!_

Mohinder: We really do need new jobs....

Matt: My feelings are burning...

Niki: What?

Now!

Elle: Nevermind that....Anyway, we need this place to look sharp! So go team!

Niki: We're not decorators Elle.

Elle: That's failure talk! Now hop to it.....(turning around)...._this should be good._

Niki: HEY!

Meanwhile, at the school.

Ando: So, Hiro, what's your big idea?

Hiro: Well, it was going to be a surprise. But I am going....back in time.

Ando: …..

Hiro: I know, good idea, huh?

Ando: You know that _NEVER WORKS!_

Hiro: Hear me out, the students hate me...

Ando: Yes.

Hiro: I need to stimulate their brains and make them excited for class! So I was thinking I could give them a more....up close History lesson...._by going back in History!_

Ando: That is a....really bad idea! What are you thinking?!

Hiro: What's wrong with it?

Ando: Well, other than _26 students knowing about your power_, which will spread like wildfire. You risk at least one of those 26 changing the course of History and screwing up all our lives; and that's not even counting you since you'll find a way to do it yourself....

Hiro: How rude...

Ando: Just....think it over. Surely there's a better way to reach out to your students.

Hiro: Hmm....

Micah walks by and into Monica's office.

Monica: Oh....morning, Micah.

Micah: Hey, Monica. What's up?

Monica: They're announcing the new Principal this afternoon.

Micah: Huh? What happened to Stiles?

Monica: Well, the higher ups found out about his extortion and now he's in jail.

Micah: I thought.....nevermind. So....we don't have a Principal?

Monica: We will this afternoon during the inauguration ceremony. Say....has Molly ever came back?

Micah: Well, she's feeling better. But Matt didn't want her to spread her germs so he handcuffed her to her bedpost.

Monica: That sounds extreme.

Micah: Bad news is that he lost the key.....very cliché.

Monica: I just heard they got evicted from their apartment. I hope they didn't leave her in there! (Laughs)

Micah: …....I have to go make a phone call.

Monica: …....

-8:45am-

Claire: Okay, Claire. Don't panic. Munroe won't expose your power to the world yet. I can have Dad use the Haitian on him. UGH! But then he'll just rub in my face that I was wrong again for trying to be normal. Just like last time....

---

Claire: Why did I have to run off and join the carnival? I should have listened to my dad. Oh well, I'm sure he won't make a big deal of it....Now for some breakfast.

Claire was eating a bowl of Alpha-Bits cereal....

Claire: That's weird, there's only like...10 different letters in here......

She picks through her bowl, finding an I, O, S, R, H, W, A, G, N, and a T.......after arranging the letters together to spell out the phrase '_Noah Was Right'_.

Claire (to Noah, who walked in): _Seriously?!_

Noah: It took me 4 hours to sort through all those letters....but it was worth it.

---

Claire: Maybe I can go up to his office and ask for the Haitian's help without my dad knowing....I hear he's just _working for anyone nowadays_.

Claire leaves.

Meanwhile, at Sylar's lair, newly named _The Syndicate..._

Sylar: Assistant!

Jax: Yes, sir....

Sylar: We need to get this show on the road. Read me off the list of recruits to join our cause.

Jax: If you follow me into this room, I will introduce you to them.

Sylar: T..they're already here?!

Jax: Sure! Why not?

Sylar and Jax enter the conference room where a group of oddly dressed people.

Sylar: Who are these weirdos?

Jax: They, sir....are your _henchmen._

Sylar: I like the sound of that.

They walk to a man dressed in a lab coat.

Jax: This man is _Dr. Terrible_, he specializes in bio-hazardous materials.

Sylar: Is he a real doctor?

Jax: Beats me. Moving on...

Sylar: …..

They come up to a woman with long, jet black hair.

Jax: This is _Bridgett St. Clair_, master jewel thief.

Bridgett: A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Gray.

Sylar: Uh...yeah, likewise. (To Jax) I don't need jewels! I need all the good guys dead!

Jax: She steals more than jewels.....

Sylar: Interesting....ok, who is this giant man?

Jax: Tiny.

Sylar: Uh no....he's huge!

Jax: His name is Tiny.....he posseses the strength of 20 men, or 200 grandmas.

Sylar: ….What?!

Tiny: SMASH!

Jax: He also only speaks in one word sentences.

Sylar: Oh I just can't wait to work with this one.

Jax: And the man hiding in the corner is an assassin for hire.

Sylar: Finally! We're getting somewhere....what do we call this one.

Jax: ASSASSIN!

Sylar: …...I have to yell it like that?

Jax: Yes.

Sylar: That's just rediculous.

Jax: Combine these people, Claude, and the villains we break out of Level 52 today...though there's only one....you can form the ultimate Super Villain Group...

Sylar: Excellent....

Jax: Now, here our the plans. (He hands them to Sylar). The first bomb will go off at Level 52 at 2:00, releasing all....uh....the prisoner so he can join us. Then at 4:00, we'll detonate another bomb at Noah's offices....killing everyone.

Sylar: Including Peter?

Jax: Especially Peter.

Sylar: I......LOVE IT!

-9:15am-

Noah gets a call, it's Sandra.

Noah: Please cancel, please cancel, please cancel....

Sandra (on the phone): I can hear you, Noah.

Noah: Oh crap, _I answered it!_

Sandra: I was just calling to remind you that I'll be there at noon. What will you be serving?

Noah: Serving?

Sandra: What will you be serving Me, Lyle, and Muggles?!

Noah: Uh...._a tour?_

Sandra: No, silly. Food!

Noah: FOOD!?

Sandra: Food.

Noah: You want me to feed you?!

Sandra: Well, duh! We can't walk through a tour of the place without eating. It's rude.

Noah: Seriously?!

Noah slings a door open, whapping Elle in the face.

Elle: OW!

Noah: Change of plans!

Niki (painting): If we're canceling, someone's gonna die.

Noah: We need food!

Elle: We just ate, you slob!

Noah (gritting): For the guests....

Elle: Huh?

Noah: My family! They want lunch!

Elle: Those bastards!

Noah: We need food, get you people on it.

Elle: Yes sir!

Niki: HELLO! We're not chefs.

Elle: That's loser talk......QUICKFIRE CHALLENGE!

Niki, Matt, Mohinder, And Peter The Sandwich Boy gather around in Chef's uniforms. Elle and Noah walk in.

Elle: Good morning, Chefs. This will be a very important competition. The winner gets a feature in _Food and Wine magazine, a showcase at the annual Food and Wine classic in Aspen, and 125,000 dollars to help turn their culinary dreams into reality. Furnished by the makers of the Glad family of products, and the title...of Top Chef._

_TOP CHEF_

Niki (spinning a wooden spoon between her fingers)

Mohinder (furiously mixing something in a bowl)

Matt (licking a mixing spoon)

Peter (enjoying a sandwich)

---

Noah: Of course we have no money! So all those prizes are bogus!

Elle: Your job is to use the budget and go to the market and pick out your assigned ingredients.

Niki: Wait....if you have no money how are we supposed to afford food?

Elle and Noah look at each other.

Elle: Uh....

5 minutes later...

Elle: We talked about it and you will need to come up with a product that will sell, sell, sell!........This will get you the money to buy the ingredients to make lunch. The winner will become Mr. Bennet's _Apprentice_....

Niki: Oh for the love of....

THE APPRENTICE

(_Money, Money, Money.....MONEY!)_

Niki (flipping dollar bills)

Mohinder (doing a backstroke through a pool of change)

Matt (throwing money in the air)

Peter (enjoying a sandwich)

Elle: You have 2 hours. Enjoy!

Niki: I hate this place.

-9:45am-

Hiro (running up to Micah in the hallway): Micah! Micah Sanders!

Micah: Oh, hey Hiro.

Hiro: I need you to do something for me.

Micah: Sure. What is it?

Hiro: Here's the thing.....I have trouble connecting with my students. They hate my guts.

Micah: That's not something you should be going around announcing.

Hiro: But...I am going to take them on a field trip.

Micah: Ooh! That's cool.

Hiro: Through time!

Micah: That's bad!

Hiro: Ando said the same thing!

Micah: Because it's a bad idea.

Hiro: So getting you to program all my students phones to say there's a block party after school to trick them into getting together....

Micah: No.

Hiro: Tch....fine.

Claire is driving to Noah's office.....suddenly she gets a flat tire.

Claire: Aw man....

Meanwhile...

Claire: That's my entire scene!? What a waste!

Back in the Situation Room...

Mohinder: So we need to come up with a great invention that will sell. Any ideas?

Niki: I don't know....we don't have much time left.

Peter: Hmm.

Mohinder: Come on guys, ideas!

Matt: You're the scientist! Don't you do these things everyday.

Mohinder: I don't come up with inventions, Matt.....I make astonishing, amazing, fantastic discoveries.

Niki (leaning to Matt): You got him the Thesaurus, didn't you?

Matt: Yup.

Niki: Good man, good man.

Peter looks like he's about to say something.

Mohinder: What is it, Peter?

Peter: Ahhh.....ahhhh.......ahhhhhhh

Niki: Speak, loser!

Peter: I have....._an idea!_

_Lights....Angels....Harmony!_

_Niki: Oh brother...._

_A few minutes later._

_Niki: What is it?_

_Peter: It's the answer.....to our question._

_On the table.....a hot dog weenie on a plate._

_Niki: That's it?!_

_Peter: It's beautiful....._

_Niki: It's just a stupid hot dog!_

_Peter: Try it._

_Niki: NO!_

_Peter: Try it._

_Niki: No, I said!_

_Peter: Trryyyyy ittt......_

_Niki swipes the hot dog off the plate and takes a bite._

_Niki: ARGH! What's in it?!.....wait.....is that.....ketchup?_

_Peter (singing): Yesssss!_

_Niki: …..and mustard....._

_Peter (singing): Yessss!_

_Matt: Is it what I think it is?_

_Angels (singing): Yes it isssss!_

_Niki: A hot dog filled with ketchup and mustard.....that's.....pretty good._

_Mohinder: Wow. Good job, Peter._

_Peter: Yay! Approval! _

_Matt: That's the best invention ever....though it's probably already done._

_Niki: This is great! You know what this means!_

_Mohinder: We will sell tons of these! _

_Niki: Or....we could just use these for lunch! _

_Mohinder: And lose the chance to become Mr. Bennet's Apprentice?_

_Matt: Yeah, Niki, get with the program...._

_Niki: I thought we were playing 'Top Chef'! God, I can't keep up with you people!_

_-10:10am-_

Noah is frantically painting. He gives up and splashes a can of paint on the wall.

Elle: You're losing it.

Noah: How are you progressing.

Elle: I turned the _Torture Room_ into a _Bed, Bath, and Beyond showcase hall._

Noah: Excellent.

Meanwhile, on the street. Niki, Mohinder, Matt and Peter the Sandwich Boy set up a Ketchup-Mustard filled Hot dog on a plate stand.

Matt: Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs! Get them now before they rot!

Niki: I really wish we could use these for the lunch. We still have to shop AND cook. There won't be enough time.

Matt: That's loser talk!

Niki: The next person who says that is a fist full of.....fist......hmm, that threat needs a little work.

Matt: Yes, it does.

Niki: Grrr.....

-10:45am-

Noah (covered in paint), walks into his office and listens to a message from Sandra.

-BEEP-

Sandra: Hello, dear! I just wanted to tell you that I'm leaving the house to take Mr. Muggles to the spa.

Noah: I told her to stop that!

Sandra: After that we'll be over there. So don't be surprised if we show up a little early. You have your mission. This message will self destruct in 5 seconds...ha, ha, ha....just kidding. But I am out of minutes and this call will probably send our bill into the quadruple digits! BYE!

Noah: I feel faint.........Where the hell did the Haitian go?!

Niki and the others run into the grocery store.

Niki: Oh man we only have an hour and 15 minutes. How much money do we have.

Peter: 17 dollars.

Niki: WHAT?! How many did we sell?

Matt: Well, we kinda forgot to charge for them.

Niki: You realized this when you had one hot dog left and inflated the price to 17 dollars for your first and only sale.

Matt: Right.

Niki: Ugh, I knew it. I can read you like a book, I swear.

Mohinder: Okay, everyone split up. We're purchasing different ingredients but we have to abide by certain guidelines.

Niki: Why? Let's just buy what we can and get the hell out of here!

Mohinder: And lose the title of _Top Chef!?_

Niki: What the hell happened to _The Apprentice?!_

Matt: Get with the program, Niki.

Niki: ARGH!

Matt (by himself in an aisle): Okay, my ingredient is.....oh screw it.

Matt grabs a cart and places his arm on the shelf. He starts running, swiping everything off the shelf into the basket.

In the sandwich aisle, Peter stocks up on sandwich supplies.

Peter: I'm an awesome Sandwich Boy!

In another aisle, Niki and Mohinder search.

Niki: We have to get an ingredient that starts with the letter 'Q'.....What the hell starts with 'Q'.

Mohinder: ….I don't know.......Looks like all we can get is _Quinine Water_.

Niki: ….....

Mohinder: We're totally going to win _Top Chef._

Niki: I didn't think it was possible......but I think I hate you more than Matt.

Matt rushes past them with an overflowing cart.

Niki: No....I take that back. You're still good.

-11:30am-

Claire is stuck on the road trying to fix her flat tire. No luck.

Claire: You better not cut my scene short again or I'll....

Meanwhile, back at the school.

Hiro is in class. He goes around passing notes to each student. He turns around to see a mountain of crumpled notes overflowing the trash can.

Hiro: Blast!

Upon reaching the office....

Niki: What the?

Noah: What do you think?

Elle: We went all out. Didn't we Mr. B?

Noah: Something like that.

Niki: Well, we got the stuff. I guess we can cook now.

Noah: What did you get?

Niki: 17 dollars worth of Quinine Water.....

Mohinder: You'll thank me later.

Niki: Uh huh.

-11:45am-

The chefs gather around ready to cook.

Noah: Hello chefs. Prepare to witness the unveiling of the secret ingredient. It is....

Noah rips off a sheet unveiling...

Noah: _CURRY!_

Niki: What?

Noah: Good luck. And the winner will be crowned the title of...._Iron Chef._

Niki: _Oh my god! Pick a damn show and stick with it!!!_

The chefs are furiously cooking furiously. Peter the sandwich boy walks outside to greet The Bennets.

Niki: She's already here!?

Peter: Good day, Mrs. Bennet and family. May I show you to your table?

Sandra: Oooh! How classy! Come, Lyle. Mr. Muggles needs to be seated at the best table in the house.

Lyle: I liked yesterday's tour better....

Upstairs, Peter seats Sandra and the family at the table.

Peter: May I take your order, Madame?

Sandra: What do you have?

Peter: Quinine Water and Curry.

Sandra: UH.....

Niki: What the hell are we cooking?!

Mohinder: Cook faster, Niki!

Matt: Yeah! We'll get fired if we botch this.

Niki: I'm to the point where I'll embrace that. Can we just make more of those hotdogs?!

Mohinder: We don't have a choice......

15 minutes later....

Sandra: Those Ketchup and Mustard filled Hotdogs were delicious.

Niki: Finally!

Sandra: Well, I'm going to take a nap. Then we'll begin the tour.

Noah: This day will never end. What's next?!

In a van, speeding toward Noah's offices.

Team A (led by Sylar, Jax, and Bridgett)

Sylar (on a walkie talkie): This is Team A. Team B, what is your status?

Team B (led by Claude, Tiny, Dr. Terrible, and ASSASSIN!)

Claude: The bomb is set at level 52. Ready to detonate.....

Sylar: Okay.....it's show time, folks.....

-_END OF PART 1-_

_-INTERMISSION-_

The following Movie Trailer is rated R: for _Really?! They made this?!_

---

_In a world....filled with endless water....and seven continents. One man is going to save it..._

_Some people are playing poker. One of the guys with an eye patch lays his hand down._

_Patchy: It's your move.......whatever your name is....._

_A man lays his cards down...._

_Nathan: The names Case.....Nathan Case._

_Patchy: KILL HIM!_

_Nathan: I didn't do anything yet!_

_The men pull out their guns, Nathan (on a wire), jumps up and kicks, all the guys fall down._

Nathan: Don't look so _flushed_.......Did that just come out of my mouth?....ugggh.....

Elle Bishop is the seductive Veronica Fox.

Elle: I need your help, Mr. Case. I want to report a murder.

Nathan: Whose murder would that be.

Elle: Mine!

Nathan: Uh...what? You're still alive.

Mohinder Suresh is....Professor Gerald Mccaw....

Mohinder: I have discovered something that could change the field of science forever.

Nathan: I'm pretty sure he wasn't in the script.

And Peter Petrelli as his evil twin brother.....Peter Von Backstabber....

Nathan: You made an attempt on the Governor's life....and blamed me for it.

Peter: Since we do look just alike...

Nathan: Why did you do it?!

Peter: Because I'm.....evil....(twirls his mustache)

Nathan: Take that mustache off! You look stupid!

Peter: No!

Nathan: Take it off!

Peter: Ahh! No!.....MOM!

_Nathan Case....International Spy of Intrigue......Coming probably never since the author never finished the script._

_Elle: YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!! ARGH!_

Elle gets up and hurls her soda at the movie screen.

-Part 2-

-1:15pm-

Sandra is still napping (with Muggles), Lyle is listening to music.

Elle: Mr. B! We have a situation!

Noah: We'd take this into The Situation Room but we turned it into a Starbucks.....what is it?

Elle: We're receiving bomb threats at Level 52.

Noah: Gasp! It's Sylar....

Elle: That was fast.

Noah: What does he want?

Elle: For us to go '_BOOM!'_

Noah: I meant for negotiations.....

Elle: Hmm....he didn't want anything to bargain with....he just wants us dead.

Noah: That's not good.

Meanwhile....

Claire: I have to get to my dad's work! I have a flat tire....so I'm going to rent a car.

Clerk: So sorry! You have to be 25.

Claire: Seriously?!

Clerk: _TOO BAD!_

Claire: Ugh....

Monica is walking down the hall back at the school. She passes Micah.

Micah: Hey.

Monica: Hey, can't talk now. I'm about to go to the inauguration ceremony to see who is going to be the new principal.

Micah: I would think you would know about this first _before _he was inaugurated.

Monica: Yeah....what are you up to? Don't you have class or something?

Micah: I think I need to stop Hiro from making a mistake....I'm afraid he's going to change history.

Monica: Well you guys are over halfway done with the Season. I'm surprised he hasn't done it already.

Micah: True.

Back at the office.

Elle: Mr. B! Incoming call from Sylar!

Noah:_ On screen._

Elle: This isn't _Star Trek!_ We don't have that kind of technology!

Noah: Fine....hand me the phone.

Sylar: Ah, Mr. Bennet. I never grow tired of these talks.

Noah: What do you want now, Sylar?

Sylar: I want the villains released from Level 52.....or we will blow them up and release them anyway.

Noah: There's only one guy in there.....and his power sucks!

Sylar: You have 10 seconds.

Noah: So either way you're releasing Edward.....

Sylar: Who the hell is Edward?

Noah: The guy you're busting out....

Sylar: Oh, right....well.....just detonate it.

Noah: WAIT!

Sylar: What?.....

Noah: ….._Don't do it..?_

Sylar: …...blow it up.

Level 52 goes up in a explosion. Team B runs out with Edward.

Noah: Such as waste....

Sylar: You guys are next....

Noah: Give me a break.

Sylar: At 4:00. We are bombing you guys next....is Peter there?

Noah: Yes.

Sylar: Excellent. Because it would be stupid if the guy I wanted to die wasn't in there. It would be a waste of explosives.

Noah: Ugh....

-2:25pm-

The van pulls up in front of the office. Sylar and the rest of Team A (along with some guards) storm the building.

Peter: Hey! You didn't have a reservation!

Sylar's team gets around the door.

Sylar: On the count of 3 we bust in and tie everyone up. Then plant the bomb....then leave.....then blow the place up. But make sure Peter is in here.

Jax and Bridgett nod.

Sylar: 1....

Jax kicks the door open.

Sylar: Okay, totally don't listen to me.

Jax: Why does this room look like a _Bed, Bath, and Beyond_?

Sylar: DAMMIT!

One floor up, Jax kicks open a door.

Noah: Uh oh.

A few minutes later Noah, Niki, Mohinder, Matt, and Peter the Sandwich boy are tied up. Elle and The Haitian are also tied up but knocked out since their powers are actually useful.

Matt: HEY!

Sylar: My team is planting the bomb, Bennet. Any last words?

Noah sneezes.

Sylar: Good enough. Have fun dying.

Noah: But, but....

Sylar stops in front of Peter.

Sylar: Peter.

Peter: _Diane_.

Sylar gives Peter a confused look and walks away.

Sylar (to Jax): Do you have the detonator?

Jax: Right here....

-3:15pm-

Hiro and Ando are waiting after school for people to show up to the Block Party/History Tour. Yes, a very stupid idea....

Hiro: Nobody's showing up, Ando.

Ando: Duh.....

Hiro: What's the point? Why even be a teacher if all your students hate you?

Ando: First off, you're trying way too hard. Second, it's not like you liked all your teachers in school. What about that time you failed Home Ec?

Hiro: That teacher was a jerk. He failed me because I made Hot Dogs that were injected with Ketchup and Mustard. It was a good idea!

Ando: It was.

Hiro: Somebody else has probably invented it now and making hundreds of dollars.

Ando: Uh....

2 students show up.

Hiro: Woo Hoo! Look Ando!

Ando: I see them.

Hiro: I'm glad to see I have to students with an open mind!

Student: Actually it got us out of detention. So....

Hiro: This will work though....We'll take them back....and they can tell all their friends. They'll be so jealous.

Ando: Fine, but when you come back I hope you can fix your mess.

Hiro: _4 seasons and still going strong_. Everyone gather in a circle.

Student: Oh great, these guys are witches.

Hiro: Hmm....that has a nice ring to it.....

Ando: Sigh....

Hiro closes his eyes and makes him, Ando, and the two students vanish.

Monica is in the crowd as everyone is listening to the new Principal give a speech. They are clapping.

Sylar: Okay, let's book it.

Sandra walks in.

Noah: Sandra! Get out of here!

Sandra: I'm ready for the tour!

Elle, who regains consciousness, singes the rope off her hand and shoots a bolt at a guard, flinging him over the table. Bridgett comes up behind her with a wire and tries to strangle her.

Sylar: Kill them!

Elle bends over, flipping Bridgett to the ground.

Everyone starts firing guns. Everyone hits the ground, except for Matt, Niki reaches up and drags him down.

Sandra: AHH! (She gets on a radio and signals Lyle). Lyle!

Lyle (sighing, grabbing his radio): What?

Sandra: We're under heavy fire. Get Mr. Muggles to safety!

Lyle: That was unexpected. Okay....let's go dog.

Sandra: Say _'Please'!_

Lyle: Oh brother....

Shots are going off, Sylar turns to Noah who punches him in the face. The detonator files and lands on the edge of the table. Someone shoots the leg of the table and it rolls off.

Noah: The detonator!

Sandra (who was lying on the ground) jumps forward, grabbing in mid-air what appears to be a vial of Quinine Water. Missing the detonator completely.

Sandra: Oops! Wrong one.

The detonator lands on the wrong end, nothing happens.

Noah: Whew!

Noah looks to find Sylar the only villain left in the room.

Sylar: You won this one....until next time.

Sylar smirks as he dives out a window. Noah leans out of it to fire some shots at him but no luck, he is already gone.

Elle: Oh no! Peter!

Elle runs over to Peter who was shot.

Elle: Peter! Are you okay?

Peter: I'm fine...just bleeding to death.

Elle: You can't die! Peter! You just can't!....Who will be our new sandwich boy?!

Peter: ….Niki.

Niki: What?

Elle: Well, she was our second choice anyway...

Niki: WHAT!?

Peter: Before I go, Elle....I wanted to....erk....give you something.

Elle (sniffing): What is it?

Peter: It's....my greatest sandwich....I made it....for you.

Elle: It's beautiful.

Peter: It's made with Mayonnaise, just how you like it. In fact I used _Hellmann's Mayonnaise. "Bring out the Hellmann's...and bring out....the best".....urk...._

Peter's head slumps back.

Elle: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ooh, free sandwich!

Niki: That was fast.

Elle unwraps it and is about to take a bite.

Elle: _Hellmann's _huh? I'm more of a _Miracle Whip_ girl myself....

Peter: WHAT?!

Elle: Oh...you're still alive?

Peter: Miracle Whip!? Seriously?

Elle: Um...you're bleeding, in case you forgot.

Peter: This is an insult. Give me back that sandwich.

Elle: Aww...

Peter: And don't think I'm not going to report this back to the _League Of Sandwich Boys!_

Elle: _The sandwich boys have a League!?_

Peter: Good Day, Miss Bishop!

Peter turns away and leaves in a huff.

Elle: You're bleeding all over the place! Get a towel or something!

-4:45pm-

Everyone is cleaning up the giant mess in the office. Noah says goodbye to Sandra.

Sandra: Thank you for the wonderful time. I never got a tour though....

Noah: And you never will.

Sandra: I'm fine with that. See you at home, dear.

Later, Elle enters Noah's office. He is staring out the window.

Elle: Quittin time, sir.

Noah: We have to do something about Sylar. This is getting out of hand. I don't think I could go through another day like this.

Elle: Well, the majority of the day had to do with with your wife, Sylar was like...right at the end.

Noah: He will never stop...until he gets what he wants.

Elle: I know what you mean sir. I dated him for like, 3 episodes a long time ago. He is a total psychopath......like that one time.

---

A car sits over the edge of the Grand Canyon.

Louise: Ready, Thelma?

Thelma: Ready, Louise!

Louise: Let's do this!

Thelma and Louise drive the car off the cliff.

---

Noah: _What the hell does that have to do with you and Sylar?!_

Elle: Nothing! I just love that movie...

Noah: What am I going to do, Elle?

Elle: Well....you could go with _my plan. _But you aren't going to like it.

Noah: I'm willing to do anything.

Elle: Okay.....but you aren't going to like it.

Noah: …....

Claire who was napping on the bus, is startled by her phone ringing.

Claire: Huh......Hello?

Peter: Claire Bear!

Claire: What is it, Peter? Are you calling me from the hospital?

Peter: Yup. I got shot at your dad's office.

Claire: Oh crap, it's later than I thought...He's probably not there anymore.

Peter: So anyway...I did some digging on our old friend, Munroe.

Claire: What's that?

Peter: He's the bad guy who is trying to expose us.

Claire: NOT THAT!.....What did you find!?

Peter: Well, he found out about your special blood when you went splat against the pavement. You got blood all over his car.

Claire: That's convenient.

Peter: So get this.....He scraped your blood off his car to make his own vial of special healing blood....and gave it to one of his top patients. A man who has been dying for a while now.

Claire: Who is it?

Peter: You'll never guess....

Claire: Who?

Peter: I'm in shock.

Claire: Who?

Peter: This came out of nowhere!

Claire: WHO!?

Peter: Claire, stop saying that! You're starting to sound like an owl!

Claire (pinching the bridge of her nose): Just tell me who his patient is....

The new principal of Micah's school....._Samson Gray_, cleaned up and wearing a business suit, walks into his office and takes a seat.

Monica: I'm happy to have you on board. I look forward to working with you Principal Gray.

Samson: As do I, Miss Dawson......As do I.....

Eerie violins chime in the background as Samson opens his drawer and takes out a picture of Sylar.

Samson: What? It came with the frame.....

Samson pulls out the picture of Sylar and throws it away, replacing it with a picture of a cat hanging from a clothesline. '_Hang In There, Baby!'_

Samson chuckles to himself as he stands up, looking out the window.

Samson: I will remember what you did to me Gabriel......now the hunt begins.........To be continued.....

….what he said.


	24. Tre Favole, Ventimiglia

The Heroes Parody Project

Author's Note: Happy New Year (This has pretty much become a Holiday shout out segment......See you on Martin Luther King Day!) Also, this is the first time I've ever done a 3-4way intertwining story, I've ran through it to make sure there were no inconsistencies or massive plot holes, so hopefully it turned out good.

_Disclaimer: The Heroes Parody Project a fan fiction based off of the show 'Heroes'. It is copyright NBC and Tim Kring, and I am not affiliated with any of the cast or crew. Reader Discretion is advised._

The cast of Heroes is standing outside in the cold.

Claire: Can you guys believe it? 2010!.....It's so weird.

Niki: Where does the time go?

Peter (wobbling): Uhh....I think I drank too much champagne.....I feel floaty....

Claire: Peter, you're drinking 7-UP....

Peter: Oh....

Mohinder: Where is Matt? The countdown is about to start!

Matt (running up): Sorry I'm late, guys. I had to get party stuff. Let's see...here are some Hats, Blowy Things, Bottle Popper Things, and Noise Makers. Now the Coup De Grace.

Matt opens a jar of body glitter and starts rubbing it on himself.

Niki: What's that for?

Matt: All parties need body glitter.

Peter: GLITTER?! AHHH! I HATE GLITTER! AHHHHH!

Peter runs away.

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are experiencing technical difficulties with the New Year's ball drop. Look's like it's going to be 2009 for another year...

People: Awww....

Announcer: Unless......if someone can find me something nice and shiny to use as a replacement.

Niki: (grins)

Matt: What in the world are......Why are you looking at me like that, Niki?

Matt, shiny and glittery on a harness, get raised up in the air. The countdown begins, he starts to be lowered.

Matt: This is....humiliating.

Niki: 10!

Claire: 9!

Mohinder: 8!

Hiro and Ando: 7!

Peter (running): 6!...AHH! GLITTER!

Noah and The Bennets: 5!

Angela and Nathan: 4!

Micah and Monica: 3!

Matt: 2....

Everyone: 1..............

Matt: …...

Everyone: …...

Matt (deadpan): _Happy New Year..._he throws some confetti.

Everyone: _HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2010! WOO!_......

Everyone: …..

Mohinder: Well...let's go home.

Everyone leaves...........

Peter: That was close.....(notices his entire arm covered in glitter)...._Nooooooooooooooo..Previously on Heroes...oooooooooooooooo!_

Noah: You want _another tour?!_

Sandra: Sure, what can go wrong?

Sylar: Who are these weirdos?

Jax: They are your Henchmen....

Dr. Terrible.....Bridgett St. Clair......Tiny.......ASSASSIN!

Sylar: Let's move out.

Noah is on the phone with Sylar.

Sylar: A bomb will go off at 2:00....then one at 4:00.

Level 52 is destroyed, Sylar's team makes off with Edward.

Noah: We can't have this....we have to do something.

Elle: I have an idea.....you won't like it though.

Hiro: I have to do something to get my students to like me....so I'm going back in time....and giving them a real History lesson.

Ando: I have a bad feeling about this.

Micah: I have a bad feeling about this.

Princess Leia: I have a bad feeling about this.

Hiro: Uh.....

Monica: A new Principal is taking over since Stiles went to prison anyway.

Peter: Munroe knows about us....he managed to get your blood and use it to heal one of his sickest patients....

Claire: Who is that?

The new Principal...._Samson Gray_....takes a seat at his desk.

---

This episode of The Heroes Parody Project is purely fictional. The title of the episode stands for "3 Stories, 20 Miles" which is relative to the plot at hand and the foreign translation was used by an uncredited English To Italian translator randomly found off Google. Why hire someone to do this sort of thing? The cast and crew apologizes for any mistranslation if there is any which there probably is. Also, in the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.

_DUHN! DUHN!_

Running......Running......Running......Running......Running..........

A car with a busted windshield and an ambulance drive up to the front of what looks like a giant warehouse. Elle hops out of the damaged car while Matt hops out of the ambulance.

Elle: Dammit! (Hits the door)

Matt: Stand back!.....(squinting).....

Elle: What are you doing?

Matt: I'm going to make it open.....

Elle (notices another entrance)....keep doing that....I'll keep watch.

She runs off while Matt concentrates on the door.

Running....Running....Running.....

Peter Petrelli running as fast as he can. He turns the corner, heading into a room with a single box in the middle of the floor.

Peter: …...

He walks up to it....kneels down.....opens the box.

Peter: I found it......I can't believe I found it.......

The barrel of a gun rests on the back of his head.

Peter: …..hmm.....I wonder who that could be?....

He turns around.

Peter: …..you?

The guns goes off.

---_As the world turns, Eclipse Time!.....Heroes---_

A few hours Earlier...

An elevator door opens, Angela and Noah stand there......not moving.....the door closes.

Angela: Why didn't you move!?

Noah: Ladies first!

Angela: Whatever! You just don't want to get yelled at either!

Noah: You're his mother! He's afraid of you.

Angela: Both of those statements are true......but....I think we messed up big time.

Noah: Of course we did.....

Angela: Let's just go and get this over with.

The doors open and they start walking.

Angela: Watch the letters....

On the red carpet, Noah trips over the 'C' in....

_CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR "TRE FAVOLE, VENTIMIGLIA"_

Angela opens the door to Nathan's office.

Angela: Good morning, Nathan.

Nathan: Ma.....Where's Bennet?

Angela: He's coming.......anytime now, Noah.

Noah stumbles in.

Nathan: The damages to Level 52 are just rediculous.

Noah: …...

Nathan: I mean, I've only been your financial support for like....2 days?!

Angela: …..and you've done a wonderful job.

Nathan: This is going to hurt me....very badly for these repairs.

Noah: Well, we are dealing with......_special circumstances_.

Nathan: Well, I didn't think it was _this_ out of control!

Angela: I think we're doing a good job.

Nathan: 2 million dollars went into just the construction of the place....all to hold _ONE_ prisoner.....and somehow Sylar was able to get past him and blow up the joint in _2 Days!_

Noah: He's telling us this like we don't know this.

Nathan: Well, I'm done. You can have it back now. The Company Deux is yours again.

Angela and Noah (jumping out of their seats): _HOORAY!!!!_

Nathan: Uh.......you don't get any of the money....you're back to where you started. I'm pulling out of the project completely.....

Angela: What a waste of a '_Hooray'_......

Nathan: You can leave now.

Angela: Rude!

The duo head out of the office. Nathan looks around his office as an intern walks in.

Intern: Oh, if you're looking for the doughnuts Bob brought in then you're out of luck. There are none left.

Nathan: But _I'm the mayor!_ How dare you guys don't leave me any doughnuts!

Intern: Whatever...

Nathan: Forget it....I'll just go out and get my own.

Angela and Noah are back in the elevator.

Noah: So....what now?

Angela: Don't be so pessimistic, Noah....

Noah: I wasn't....I just asked a question.

Angela: ...I....

Noah: We're screwed.

Angela: Anyway.......I have a plan......._I always have a plan._

Noah: Yeah, since the last one worked _so well_.

Angela: You're the one who got Level 52 blown up!

Noah: You should have hired more security!

Angela: Don't back sass me!

They start wildly slapping at each other.

_Micah Sanders  
The High School  
Where the hallways bear a resemblance to Rydell High from 'Grease'. Why is that? Because 'Grease' is the word (is the word that you heard, it's got groove, it's got meaning)._

Micah is sitting in class.

Micah's Teacher: Class, I want to introduce you to your new Principal, _Mr. Gray_.

Micah: GRK!

Micah heart skips a beat. His eyes slowly dart toward the doorway as a much older man enters the room.

Samson Gray: Thank You, Thank You.....please, hold your applause........

No one was clapping.....

Samson: I just want to welcome you to your new school....

Teacher: We're already half way through the school year!

Samson: Well, you know what they say....._Don't fail!_

The students look at each other, confused.

Samson: That is all.....Micah....Micah Sanders?

Micah: GRK!

Samson: I would like to have a word with you.....out in the hallway.

Student: Oooh! Micah is already in trouble with the new principal!

Micah: Shut up! No I'm not!

Samson: Actually, you are.

Micah: GRK!

Micah and Samson step out in the hallway.

Micah: Uh....sorry....for whatever I did.

Samson: Ha, ha, ha....Nonsense....You aren't in trouble at all, my boy.....I just said that to embarrass you in front of your friends.

Micah: _How is that better?!_

Samson: I couldn't help but to notice you looked distressed by the sound of my name.

Micah: Oh...you saw that......well......I just thought you were someone else.

Samson: Who?

Micah: Nobody.

Samson: You thought I was nobody?

Micah: His name is.....uh......you wouldn't know him.

Samson: That's because he's my son.

Micah: I didn't say anything.

Samson: You didn't say '_Gabriel Gray'?_

Micah: WHAT!? He's your son?!

Samson: Hmm.....I guess I jumped the gun a bit. Let's do this again. '_You thought I was nobody'?_

Micah (rolling his eyes): I thought you were Gabriel Gray. But you're not......can I go now?

Samson: That would make sense...._because he's my son_.

Micah: …..

Samson: You're not shocked?

Micah: Not anymore!

Samson: Hmm....I think we got started off on the wrong foot. Go back in the classroom and I'll introduce myself again.

Micah: That's not going to change anything!

Samson: Don't be silly. Now run along, young man....

Micah sighs and walks back in and sits down. Samson enters the room and introduces himself. The students are even more confused now.....

Meanwhile, Noah and Angela are eating lunch.

Noah: So, what's your plan?

Angela: We're pretty much broke, Noah.

Noah: I've been here the past few chapters. I'm completely aware of the situation.

Angela: My plan is......_a competition._

Noah: I don't know. Last week we did this weird Top Chef/Apprentice thing and Niki didn't care for it at all.

Angela: I want these people participating.

Noah (looking at the files): ….Peter, Elle, and Matt.....why?

Angela: I don't have to explain myself. These three individuals will participate in the race of a lifetime.

Noah: Why?

Angela: For the ultimate prize.....One....

Noah: ….!!!

Angela: MILLION....

Noah: !!!!!

Angela: _Pennies_...

Noah: _PENNIES!?_ That's only 10 thousand dollars!.....Which we can't afford.

Angela: They will have the hottest, fastest cars at their disposal....

Noah: Which we can't afford....

Angela: And paramedics standing by....just in case...

Noah: Where are you getting the money for this?

Angela: Sponsors!

Noah: Who would sponsor us?

Angela: _Dairy Queen_.

Noah: …...Seriously?!

Angela: That and it's for a charitable cause......_so I can write it off on my taxes_.

Noah: How is it charity if it's going to either one of those three losers?!

Angela: _Nobody said they had to win......._

Noah: ….interesting.......wait......is the money actually going to a charity?

Angela: _Good Heavens, no!_

Noah: Then how is it a charity then?!

Angela (scoffing): Are you in or not?

Noah: Fine!

-PETER'S STORY-

There's a knock at the door, Peter wakes up in his bed. He slides off, stepping on Matt...

Matt: OW!

And Mohinder...

Mohinder: OOF!

Mohinder and Co. were still stuck at Peter's place due to getting evicted from their apartment. Niki was in the top bunk, and both Micah and Molly were at school. Peter opens the door. A gaseous fog maces him in the face.

Peter: AHHHHHH!

He falls to the ground in a thud.....THUD! Someone grabs him by the feet and drags him away.

Peter (being dragged down the hall): What's going on?....hey....watch out for those stairs! Ow...ow....ow.....ow....ow....ow....ow....ow....ow....ow....ow.

Two masked people continue dragging Peter outside and load him into a van. One of the guys hops in the driver's seat. The other....takes off her mask...._Angela Petrelli...._

Peter: MOM!?

Angela: Don't be confused, Peter. I have an important....proposition for you.

Peter: What's that?

Angela: How would you like to play.....a game?

Peter: Peter likes game.

Angela: Don't talk about yourself in the third person, Peter.

Peter: Sorry.

Angela: In a warehouse.....twenty miles away from here.....is a box. In this box is a bracelet. Bring that bracelet to me....and you can win....._One Million Pennies!_

Peter feels faint.

Noah: It's only 10,000 dollars....

Peter: Oh.....that's still nice though....

Angela: Can you do this?

Peter: I can.

Angela: Two other people will be racing toward this goal. They will do anything to get it. They just might kill you.

Peter: You couldn't fix the competition so I could win? I am your son, after all.

Angela: No....

Peter: Aww....

Angela: You only have 5 hours, now get going.

Peter: To go to a warehouse twenty miles away....it shouldn't take that long....._unless if you're driving me there._

Angela: No...

Peter: Aww....

Angela: You have your mission......Now get out.

Angela pushes him out.....the van is still in front of his apartment.

Peter: We didn't go anywhere? What the hell was the point in the van?!

Peter is walking down the street, he realizes he's still in his '_Ninja Turtle' pajamas._

Peter: AHH! I need to find clothes.

Peter starts to head back when he spots a group of children walking up.

Peter: Oh no! Children are the worst! They'll make fun of me.....and my feelings are very fragile.

Peter sprints to the side building in front of his window.

Peter: NIKI!!!!......NIKI!

Niki opens the window.

Niki: Peter!? What are you doing?

Peter: I got kidnapped and thrown in a van and I'm still in my delicates!

Niki: Ninja Turtle pj's is hardly what I would refer to as delicate....

Peter: There are nasty children coming up around the corner. I'd use the front door but they're blocking the way! Quick...._throw down your hair!_

Niki: WHAT!?

Peter: Quick! Do something!

Niki takes a _Slinky_ and holds onto one end while dropping the other end toward Peter.....

Peter: Dang, I'm too short! (jumps)

Niki: Just use the door!

Peter: Where's Matt, he has a rope!

Niki: That loser just left.....he had a coupon for pancakes and left without thinking of us....jerk!

Peter: Well, will you throw me some pants?

Niki: After you bring me breakfast.

Peter: You can't do this! It's my apartment!

Niki: Then use the door.

Kid (from around the corner): Hey let's go to the other side to see if anyone is wearing goofy pajamas so we can make fun of him.

Peter: AHHHHH! (to Niki) What do you want?

Niki: Doughnuts....

Peter takes off running down the street. He turns the corner, colliding into Nathan. Doughnuts are flying everywhere.

Nathan: Peter, you clumsy oaf! What's the rush....?

Peter: Niki won't let me back into my apartment until I bring her doughnuts. Can I have the ones you dropped?

Nathan: That would be all of them...

Peter: Wow! Thanks, bro!

Nathan: HEY!

Suddenly, two thugs break in.

Thug 1: Give us all your doughnuts!

Thug 2: Dude! We want their money! Priorities, man!

Thug 1: Right.....

Peter: Uh oh....Nate?

Nathan: What?

Peter: We need to take care of these guys....you and me.....brothers saving the world!

Peter looks over to find Nathan is several feet farther than before.

Peter: Mutiny......

Nathan: They have guns!

Peter: You can fly!

The old woman next to him shoots Peter a look.

Peter: Metaphorically speaking.....

Old Woman: Suspicious......

Peter: I wish I could stop doing that.......

Thug 1: I hope you guys enjoy your doughnuts....because....

Peter hops to his feet.

Nathan: I can't watch this...(he puts the doughnut box over his head).

Peter: _NOT ON MY WATCH, BUSTER!_

Thug 1: Huh?

Peter punches him in the face, following with a roundhouse kick to the second thugs face. Everyone is stunned.

Nathan: Wow! He did it!

Nathan got up and ran over to Peter.

Nathan: Pete, I didn't know you had it in you....great job!

Peter: Thanks!

Everyone is shocked.

Nathan: Uh.....

Peter: Your welcome.

One of the children in the store starts crying.

Peter: Uh....did I do something wrong?

Mother: You hurt _The Happy Brothers!_

Nathan: Pardon?

Peter and Nathan turn around to see the '_Happy Brothers Doughnut Shop'_ sign.....

Peter: Where these thugs.....them?

Mother: Yeah! Every Wednesday they put on a show for us.....

Nathan: _By dressing up as burglars?! Who does that?_

Child: I'm sad, mommy! My eyes are leaking!

Guy: They made that child cry too! Get them!

Peter: Ruh roh.....

Peter and Nathan run out the door and down the street. They see Niki and Matt run past them dragging Mohinder along the pavement.

Peter: What the?!

Nathan: Keep running....

Peter: Let's take this back alley.

The two brothers run down the alley as fast as they can. They end up on another side of the road.

Nathan: Great....now what?

Peter turns around as a car comes out of nowhere and rams into him. Peter flies up on the hood and slides down. Inside the car is _Elle_, who looks at Nathan in horror....

Nathan (to Elle): You ran over Peter!

Elle gets out and examines the ding on her car as Peter lies in the street.

Nathan: You're going to have to take him to a hospital...

Elle: BUT!!

Nathan: Elle!?

Elle: Fine....throw him in the back.

Nathan drags Peter and throws him in the back of the car and hops back in with Elle.

Elle: You like?

Nathan: It is really nice in here. Interior leather.....Very classy....

Elle: Thanks. Company Car....._Company Deux Car_.....

Nathan: I don't need to know anything about that.

Elle: Well, since you pulled out of the project....and now we're out on the streets.

Nathan: Blame your boss.

Elle: I'll probably lose my job.....

Nathan: Nah, I'm sure Noah's hardly paying you anything.....probably in_ Magic Beans!_

Elle: GRR....

Elle slams on the breaks, the car is stopped on a bridge.

Nathan: Hey, I heard some idiot drove off the bridge here a while ago. It was probably Matt.......

Elle: Can you hand me that bottle on the floorboard there?

Nathan: Sure....

Elle smacks Nathan with it.

_BONK!_

Nathan: OW! What did you do that for?

_BONK!_

_Nathan: Quit it! That hurts!_

_BONK!_

_Nathan: What the hell is wrong with you!?_

_BONK! BONK! BONK!_

_Elle: Pass out, dammit!!!_

_Nathan: UGH! _

_Nathan grabs the bottle and throws it out the window._

_Nathan: Stop the car!_

_The car comes to a screeching halt, Nathan gets out of the car, he grabs Peter from the back._

_Nathan: You're a crazy woman!_

_Elle: Sticks and Stones! Nothing will ever hurt me!_

_Nathan: You didn't say it right..._

Elle drives off, right before _hitting someone else_. Nathan watches Elle hop out of the car, he also notices that she his _Ando _this time, while Hiro watches in horror.

_Nathan (yelling to her): Good going, Elle! Who else in the Heroes cast do you plan on wiping out?_

_Elle: Shut your face!!! I can fix this._

_Nathan: Come on, Pete....let's get you to the hospital. I guess I have no choice but to fly you there._

_  
Nathan stops for a second. He turns around to see a car speeding down the street._

_Nathan: What the?_

_The speeding vehicle, upon hitting the corner of Elle's car, ramps off of it, twisting into the air. Nathan, pushing Peter out of the way, has little time to react when the car stops inches away from his face. Time is frozen....Hiro runs over and grabs Nathan, pushing his frozen body to the side. Resuming time, the car crashes on the ground upside down, gradually sliding to a complete stop. _

_Nathan: Holy crap...._

_Hiro: I saved flying man!! I'm so proud of myself....._

_Both him and Hiro look to see Elle drive off._

_Hiro: That was a close one...._

_Nathan: That's nice....can you get Peter to the hospital? They'll know who he is since he was just there not too long ago. _

_Hiro: Sure, let me go grab Ando!_

_Hiro teleports to Ando and brings him back over to Nathan._

_Hiro: Everyone gather around._

_Nathan: Not like it matters....but weren't you supposed to be in the past or something?_

_Hiro: Well we were.....but we came back because I heard some very distressing news. We're after an evil, evil, man...._

_Nathan: That's nice...._

_Hiro: I don't think we'll find him here, so we should probably go back for those kids, huh, Ando?_

_Ando: Hospital first......_

_Hiro: But I was telling our story, since Elle wouldn't let us._

_Nathan: There's another time for that....teleport away..._

_Hiro and the others vanish. They appear at the hospital, making their way to the service desk._

_Clerk: Hello, again Peter._

_Nathan: Can you fix him up again? He got hit by a car._

_Clerk: Oh my! Did you press charges..._

_Nathan: Don't worry......I'll get my revenge sooner or later...._

_Clerk: Riiight.....well.....we'll take some X-Rays and see if there is any internal bleeding......_

_Hiro: I need you to fix Ando too!_

_Clerk: What happened to him?_

_Hiro: He got hit by a car!_

_Clerk: Good grief! I'm glad I'm not friends with you people......Okay, we'll send them both back._

_Nathan and Hiro are in the waiting room while Peter and Ando get x-rays and checkups. Hiro pulls out a giant sheet of paper._

_Nathan: That's a huge cross word puzzle. There's like, a thousand squares on there. _

_Hiro: It's a backwards crossword puzzle. Here they give you the word, you just have to write in the question. It's like Jeopardy!_

_Nathan: That's rediculous.........so.....what's your story._

_Hiro: Well, you see, I'm a school teacher._

_Nathan: Okay....._

_Hiro: Well, my students really don't like me._

_Nathan: They're not supposed to......I didn't like mine._

_Hiro: That sucks._

_Nathan: Well, that's not always true. Just pass them.....they'll like you._

_Hiro: That's not very good advice._

_Nathan: It's only for a year anyway and it's halfway over. After this you'll never see them again._

_Hiro: That's true......._

_Nathan: After this it's over. You never have to relive it ever again.....unless you go back. Which I don't understand why you would._

_Hiro: Which brings me to the next part.....I wanted to give them a history lesson, a real history lesson that involves witnessing actual history. _

_Nathan: That doesn't sound smart._

_Hiro: Well, only two students came and we actually went back into the past. But I heard some terrible news._

_Nathan: What's that?_

_Hiro: The new principal of our school! My boss......Is Samson Gray._

Nathan: _'The Sausage Guy'_?

Hiro: What?! No....that's _Jimmy Dean_.....those names don't even sound alike! How do....whatever......Anyway, that's Sylar's father!

Nathan: I thought Sylar's dad was that watchmaker guy?

Hiro: That's his uncle.

Nathan: Oh.....that's....not good.

Hiro: Which is why I'm back!

Nathan: Where are your students?

Hiro: We brought them back and returned them home so I can investigate more on Samson. It was a very short lesson.

Nathan: And I'm not going to ask how you ended up in front of Elle's car....we'll leave it at that.

Hiro: History wasn't changed. I think I know what I have to do now....

Nathan: Well...good luck with that. Thanks for the ride.

Nathan meets up with Peter.

Nathan: Pete! Feel better.

Peter: Yeah, just a few sprains. Ando will need to stay for a bit longer though. But look.....(grabs something from his pocket).....the doctor gave me a lollipop.

Nathan: So mature......

Peter: I have to finish this race, Nathan.

Nathan: What race? You haven't filled me in on anything!

Peter: If I'm going to beat my mother at her own game.....I'm going to have to cheat.

Nathan: Mom?......What the hell are you talking about?

Peter: Hiro?

Hiro: Yes, Peter Petrelli?

Peter: I need you to take me somewhere. I have a destiny.

Hiro: I love helping people with destinies! Where to?

Peter: _The Warehouse!.......Calgon, take me away!_

Hiro: _I am not bubble soap!_

Peter: Is that what that is?! I've been saying that all the time.....god, I feel stupid.

Nathan: Okay, just be careful and......good luck.....whatever it is you're doing.

Peter: Thank you, bro.

Nathan: You owe me doughnuts by the way.

Peter and Hiro disappear.

At the warehouse, Peter and Hiro appear right outside one of the back doors.

Hiro: Don't you want me to take you to your actual destination?

Peter: No, buddy...I got it from here, thanks.

Peter gives Hiro a quick pat on the shoulder and takes off running...

Running.....running......running......running....

-END OF PETER'S STORY-

-ELLE'S STORY-

Elle is dusting some stuff at the office. There's a knock at the door....

Elle: Hmm......whose there?

Voice: Flower Delivery!

Elle: Flowers?...._For me?....Swoon!_

Voice: Open the door....

Elle opens the door to find Noah and Angela (both wearing fake mustaches).

Elle: ….....okay.....

Noah: We have something to give you.

Elle: Mr. B....this is your office. Why the disguise?

Noah: Tell her.

Angela: Miss Bishop. Twenty miles away from here is a warehouse. Somewhere in the warehouse has a box with a bracelet in it....

Elle: Is it mine?

Angela: Uh...no.....Anyway, if you can get this to me and win the competition.....lots of money will be yours.

Elle: I like money.

Angela: I thought you would say that. Now....go!

Elle: …..now?

Angela: Yes. The race has started.

Elle: Am....I racing....you two?

Noah: No. We're the judges.

Elle: Okay......I'm going now.

Angela: Go....

Elle starts to walk away.

Elle: I'm going to win the race.

Angela: You do that.

Elle: Racing....right now.

Angela: Please walk faster and talk lower.......

Elle walks out of the building and gets in her car.

Elle: This prize is going to be mine.

Elle hits on the gas and drives 2 feet before running into someone. Elle looks in horror at Nathan....who looks in horror at Peter who is sliding off the roof of her car.

Elle: Oh my god! I hit a dog thing....

Nathan: You ran over Peter!

Elle gets out and examines the ding on her car as Peter lies in the street.

Nathan: You're going to have to take him to a hospital...

Elle: BUT!!

Nathan: Elle!?

Elle: Fine....throw him in the back.

Nathan drags Peter and throws him in the back of the car and hops back in with Elle.

Elle: You like?

Nathan: It is really nice in here. Interior leather.....Very classy....

Elle: Thanks. Company Car....._Company Deux Car_.....

Nathan: I don't need to know anything about that.

Elle: Well, since you pulled out of the project....and now we're out on the streets.

Nathan: Blame your boss.

Elle: I'll probably lose my job.....

Nathan: Nah, I'm sure Noah's hardly paying you anything.....probably in_ Magic Beans!_

Elle: GRR....

Elle slams on the breaks, the car is stopped on a bridge.

Nathan: Hey, I heard some idiot drove off the bridge here a while ago. It was probably Matt.......

Elle: Can you hand me that bottle on the floorboard there?

Nathan: Sure....

Elle smacks Nathan with it.

_BONK!_

Nathan: OW! What did you do that for?

_BONK!_

_Nathan: Quit it! That hurts!_

_BONK!_

_Nathan: What the hell is wrong with you!?_

_BONK! BONK! BONK!_

_Elle: Pass out, dammit!!!_

_Nathan: UGH!_

_Nathan grabs the bottle and throws it out the window._

_Nathan: Stop the car! _

_The car comes to a screeching halt, Nathan gets out of the car, he grabs Peter from the back._

_Nathan: You're a crazy woman!_

_Elle: Sticks and Stones! Nothing will ever hurt me!_

_Nathan: You didn't say it right..._

_Elle drives off......for 2 feet before hitting someone again._

_Voice MY HIP!_

_Elle: Crap......_

_Nathan shakes his head._

_Elle: What did I hit now!?!_

_Elle gets out and realizes she ran over Ando. Hiro stands there in horror._

_Hiro: You killed Ando, wench!_

_Elle: Uh oh....wait.....Did you just call me a 'wench'?!_

_Nathan (not that far away): Good going, Elle! Who else in the Heroes cast do you plan on wiping out?_

_Elle: Shut your face!!! I can fix this._

_Hiro: Ando and I were in the past giving an important History lesson....but we came back because we heard some very distressing news! It all started...._

_-HIRO'S STORY-_

_Elle: HEY! We're not done with mine yet and all we have room for is three so you're outta luck, pal! Go back to my scenario.._

_-ELLE'S STORY (continued)-_

_Elle: Thanks!_

_Suddenly, a speeding car comes driving up. There's nobody in the driver's seat._

_Elle: That guy's going too fast! He's going to run over someone! That's totally irresponsible!_

_Hiro: Uh....huh.....?_

_Ando: Can we go to the doctor now?_

_Hiro: Look out!!_

_Hiro grabs Elle and yanks her closer to him as the car zooms by. She remains there....frozen......she suddenly can move again and Hiro is missing. She looks over to find Hiro near Nathan and the car further down the street, upside down, in flames._

_Elle: That was weird. I'm sorry, Ando....gotta jet._

_Ando: That's fine._

_Elle hops back in her car and peels out....without hitting anybody this time!!!_

_Elle: Save your applause...._

_Meanwhile...._

_Noah and Angela are waiting in a car a few blocks down from the warehouse. They are both wearing 'Dairy Queen' hats and snacking on Dilly Bars....._

_Noah: What the hell is taking them so long?_

_Angela: Beats me! The stupid warehouse was only twenty miles away from all three of them. This race is a disaster._

_Noah: Don't say that......Let me say it! This race is a disaster...._

_Angela: ….hmph!......wait a minute....what's that?_

_Noah: That's the rest of my Blizzard....touch it and die...._

_Angela grabs the binoculars......_

_Angela: Well, well......we got our first racer coming up._

_Elle is at the wheel, driving as fast as she can....._

_-END OF ELLE'S STORY-_

-MATT'S STORY-

Matt is fast asleep....awakened by Peter's foot to his gut.

Matt: OW!

And the sound of Mohinder getting stepped on.

Mohinder: OOF!

Peter makes his way into the living room....a hissing sound is heard, like a gaseous fume.

Peter: AHHH!

A thud is made....then a dragging noise.

Matt: That is really annoying....Hey Niki, could you eighty-six the snoring for one night!?

Incoming pillow!

Matt: AHHH! (WHACK!)

Matt makes his way into the kitchen where Mohinder and Niki are eating breakfast.

Niki: I'm so glad to have the day off today.....Bennet said he had to do something.

Mohinder: Any of you guys notice there's a suspicious looking _van in front of the apartment?_

Matt: OOH! I got a free coupon for pancakes.....

Niki: Well, that takes care of breakfast! I could actually go for some...

The door slams shut......Matt is long gone.

Niki (shaking her fist): DEATH!!!!!

Matt, standing outside, looking at the sign reading (_IVOP....International Van Of Pancakes)_

Matt: I don't know...

Angela: Just get in here! (Grabs him)

Matt: AHH!

Angela: So.....twenty miles away from here is a warehouse....

Matt: With pancakes?

Angela: Nooo......with a box.

Matt: Filled with pancakes?

Angela: Noooo....this box has a bracelet...

Matt: Does it taste like pancakes?

Angela: _FORGET THE PANCAKES, DAMMIT!!!!_

Matt: I don't think I can do that.....now get out of my car!

Angela: This isn't your car!

Noah: Technically we don't know whose car it is...

Driver: It's mine! And I have a flower delivery to make in 10 minutes! GET OUT!

Angela: Get the bracelet, you win money. Got it?

Matt: Do I get...

Angela: You'll get pancakes! All right?! Now shut up and get out!

Angela kicks Matt out on the street. Her and Noah step out of the flower van into their own car and drive away.

Matt walks back into the apartment, past some kids who were about to turn the corner. Someone screams and runs for it.

Matt: That's strange, that sounded like Peter....oh well.

Matt gets back into the apartment.

Niki: Oh hey, I owe you a _Slinky_.

Matt: Why?

Niki: I threw it out.

Matt: But that was my favorite toy.

Niki: You'll live. Can we go get breakfast now?

Matt: Sure. Let me go wake up Mohinder.

Matt walks into the bedroom. Mohinder's eyes are glazed over and his cheeks are puffed up.

Matt: Niki! Mohinder's dead!

Niki: Crap....seriously?

Niki walks up.

Niki: Oooh....Mohinder, you don't look so hot...

Mohinder: Ugggghhhhhh.....

Niki: What happened to him?

Mohinder: sh.....shhr......sshhrrr.....

Matt: I think he's saying 'shrimp'.

Niki: How did you guess?

Matt: I made him try some shrimp last night. I guess he's allergic....

Niki: If he was it wouldn't take 14 hours to trigger......would it?

Matt: How would I know?......_Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a phone book!_

Niki: Lay off the _Star Trek. _Let's just see if we could get him to a hospital.

Matt: We can use Claire's blood to cure him!

Niki: UGH! That's everybody's answer to everything!

Matt: Because....it works..?

Niki: I know!! Let's take him to the vet....

Matt: _The animal vet?!_

Niki: No...The Vegetable Vet.....OF COURSE THE ANIMAL VET, YOU DOLT!

Matt: _A vegetable vet, Niki? That doesn't even make sense! What a stupid thing to say...._

Niki: Ugh.....Let's just take him to the vet.

Matt: But....Mohinder's....like....human and stuff.

Niki: It's just an allergic reaction. My friend is a vet and I got a coupon for 20 dollars off for walk-in visits....so...let's load him up.

Matt: WAIT! He could be contagious...

Niki: …..hmm.....good point, good thing I have these gloves.

Niki and Matt _put the gloves on Mohinder_.

Niki: Perfect! Let's roll!

Niki (who has one leg) and Matt (who has another) drag Mohinder downstairs.

Mohinder: ERG! ERF! ERF! ERHG! ERGH! EHG! RGH! ERHG!

They get outside, suddenly dropping Mohinder to the ground.

Mohinder: GERF!

Matt: Oh crap!

Niki: That's right, we don't have a car.

Matt: Good going, Niki!

Niki: _ME!? _The only car we had was Mohinder's Porsche and you wrecked it....

Matt: It was a life and death situation....

---

Matt was driving down the road listening to the radio with the windows down.

Matt (singing): _All the single ladies! All the single ladies! All the single ladies! All the single ladies!...cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it! If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it!_........AHHHH!!!!! _A BEE!!!!_

A bee flies in the window. Matt jerks the steering wheel to the left, sending the car flying off the side of a bridge....

---

Niki: I guess we'll just have to drag him to the hospital.

Matt: YAY!

Niki and Matt drag Mohinder down the street. Behind them Peter and Nathan are being chased by an angry mob.

Niki: Oookay.....

Out of nowhere, _an empty bottle hits Matt in the head._

Matt: Ouch.....who threw that....?

Niki: Litter bugs....

Matt: What a jerk! Oh look! The hospital!

Niki: We were going to the vet but....

Mohinder: ..eeerrrrrrgggghhhhh....

Niki: Fine, let's just take him in here.

They drag Mohinder inside.

Clerk: What is it?

Niki: Our friend is having an allergic reaction.

Matt: Oh my god, is this the hospital from _Scrubs!?_

Niki: No....

Matt: I love that show.....always cutting away with their crazy fantasy sequences.....ain't that right Niki?.....Niki?

Matt turns to see Niki, Mohinder, and The Desk Clerk doing _The Macarena with The Muppets_.

All: _HEY, Macarena! AYE!!!_

Back in the real world....Niki has a death grip on Matt.

Niki: Do that again and I'll break your face.

Matt: erk....ookay....ekk......

Two nurses rush out and put Mohinder on a gurney, they wheel him away.

Niki: So.....let's hit the cafeteria.

Later, while eating breakfast.

Niki: You're in a race?

Matt: Yup. To get this box in a warehouse....I get money if I'm the first one there.

Niki: I see you're making progress....you gonna finish that bacon?

Matt: Yup.

Niki: Well, _you were at least_.

Niki swipes it.

Matt: So rude.....

Niki: So...did you just stop?

Matt: Nah, I got distracted with the whole Mohinder dying thing.

Niki: He'll be fine. He's going to be doped up on meds for at least a few hours. I say we finish this race.

Matt: You're actually going along with this....even though it might turn out to be a bust?

Niki: I've decided to stop fighting, as long as I'm living with you two the stupidity will never end.

Matt: Glad you're finally seeing things the way they are, young grasshopper.

Niki: That's depressing, okay let's go win this race. We'll pick up Mohinder on the drive home.

Niki and Matt run outside. They find a car.

Niki: Let's get in this one.

Niki hops in the passenger seat. Before Matt can get in the car takes off.

Matt: Niki!!! You forgot about me! How am I supposed to win the race!

Niki (in the car): What the hell?!

The driver (who seat was pushed back as he was asleep), gets up.

Driver: Oh man! This stupid thing.....(Looks at Niki)....who are you?

Niki: I was going to steal your car!

Driver: You can have it! This stupid thing is always kickin into gear....the brakes don't even work!

Niki: Seriously?!

The car is speeding towards the bridge where Elle and Hiro are having a dispute right next to her car.

Driver: We're going to crash! Every man for himself!

The driver dives out of the car. Niki tries to pump the brakes, but no luck. She yanks on the emergency brake which brakes off.

Niki: CRAP!

Niki flings open the passenger door and jumps out as Hiro grabs Elle and pulls her out of the way of the car. It collides with Elle's car and goes flying.

Niki gets up, she dusts herself off.

Niki: Yeah.....somehow I always end up in these situations....I'm going back home.

Meanwhile, Matt finds an ambulance and hops in. He drives off.

At the warehouse, Noah and Angela are wearing their _Dairy Queen _hats and have eaten way too much ice cream.

Noah: I think I'm going to be sick.

Angela reaches over to grab her binoculars. She spots an ambulance coming up.

Angela: I think that's Parkman.....Where did he?.....Nevermind I don't want to know.

Noah: Did Peter ever show up?

Angela: No.......he better not have cheated....if he did he's in big trouble.

-END OF MATT'S STORY-

-MAIN STORY-

Running......Running......Running......Running......Running..........

A car with a busted windshield and an ambulance drive up to the front of what looks like a giant warehouse. Elle hops out of the damaged car while Matt hops out of the ambulance.

Elle: Dammit! (Hits the door)

Matt: Stand back!.....(squinting).....

Elle: What are you doing?

Matt: I'm going to make it open.....

Elle (notices another entrance)....keep doing that....I'll keep watch.

She runs off while Matt concentrates on the door.

Running....Running....Running.....

Peter Petrelli running as fast as he can. He turns the corner, heading into a room with a single box in the middle of the floor.

Peter: …...

He walks up to it....kneels down.....opens the box.

Peter: I found it......I can't believe I found it.......

The barrel of a gun rests on the back of his head.

Peter: ...hmm.....I wonder who that could be?

He turns around.

Peter: …..you?

Peter looks to see _Nathan holding the gun_.

Peter: Nathan? How did you get here so fast?

The gun goes off as Nathan shoots the box, destroying the bracelet.

Peter (pointing): Ummmmmmmmmmm, Mom's gonna be mad at you!

Nathan: Like I care.....this whole thing is nonsense.

Outside in a hall, Elle and Matt are tripping over each other trying to make their way down the hall.

Peter: How did you get here so fast?

Nathan: Hiro came back to the hospital to check on Ando. I was concerned that you mentioned Mom had something to do with this silly race you, Elle, and Matt were participating in. Here's what happened...

Peter: Well, make it quick, we really can't have more than 3 stories.....

-NATHAN'S STORY (in a nutshell)-

Nathan: Upon Hiro coming back I wanted to see what my mother was up to. Hiro took me back in time to the office after my meeting with her and Noah so I could overhear her master plan. Apparently, my pulling out of the Company Deux project made her desperate. She conjured up this race sponsored by Dairy Queen, which would give you access to the hottest and fastest cars _that none of you used!_ The bracelet she had one of her cronies steal which she was going to sell for a ton of money, not only that she was using the race as a charity tie-in so she could write it off on her taxes, which I still don't get how she would be able to do that, but whatever.

Peter: That's our mother. That sure was nice of Hiro though....

Nathan: Yeah.....to make it up for him I passed a new law........

Students from around the city look at the news and the flyers.

_Effective Immediately: All students under the age of 18 must be nice to Hiro Nakamura. Failure to comply will result in the banning of all cell phones, xbox's, and whatever it is you kids mess with nowadays._

_Nathan: I'm a good friend. It's good to be mayor._

_Peter: You're joking, right?_

_Nathan: Nope....new law!_

_Peter: Nathan, that is so.....lame._

_Nathan: What?!_

_Peter: Seriously man, you couldn't have done better than that!?_

_Nathan: What?.....Be nice or I'll ban everything._

_Peter: And the age cap is 18?! When they turn 19 they'll just rebel and hunt him down. It'll be Fugitives 2.0!_

_Nathan: All they have to do is be nice...._

_Peter: That is so cheesy.......ugh......How about 'Respect your teacher or I'll break your legs! Yo! Gabba! Gabba!'_

_Nathan: The day you become Mayor will be a dark day in history._

_Peter: It'll happen......get ready for it._

_Nathan: I'm frightened already......._

_Elle and Matt were listening on the outside._

_Elle: So, there's no prize.....what a rip off!_

_Matt: Yeah!_

_Elle: For this......I'm going to start getting on Mr. Bennet's nerves._

_Matt: Yeah! And I know she wasn't involved but I'll start getting on Niki's nerves too._

_Elle: That'll show em...._

_Outside, someone taps on Noah and Angela's window. Angela rolls down her window to find the representative from Dairy Queen fuming...._

_Angela: What?_

_Rep: Your race was a bust. We sponsored it for nothing...._

_Angela: I see your point.....and......eat our dust!_

_Angela chucks a ice cream bar at the rep, which smacks her in the face._

_Angela: Floor it, Noah!_

_Noah: This isn't my car....I don't have the keys._

_Angela: …....sigh.......I think we need to have that 'Preparation' talk again........._

_Angela nervously laughs while the Rep is still seething with rage._

_Back at the school. Hiro gathers up all his papers. A student walks past him._

_Student: Have a good night, Mr. Nakamura...._

_Hiro (smiling to himself): Ahh, what a classic, cheesy, cliched ending.....I love it......_

_Hiro turns around to see Micah standing there._

_Hiro: Oh, hello Micah. What can I help you with?_

_Micah: Did....you go back into the past to give your history lesson?_

_Hiro: Yeah, we weren't there for long though. Why?_

_Micah: I....think you brought back some visitors._

_Hiro runs over to look out the window. A T-Rex is stomping around the courtyard of the school._

_Micah: …...what have we learned?_

_Hiro (mouth agape, staring at the dinosaur running amok): …...Holy sh---_

_To Be Continued......_


	25. On The Inside

The Heroes Parody Project

Author's Note: This chapter takes place slightly before and during the events of the last chapter, '_Tre Favole, Ventimiglia'_.

_Disclaimer: The Heroes Parody Project is a fan fiction based off of the show 'Heroes'. It is copyright NBC and Tim Kring, and I am not affiliated with any of the cast or crew. Reader Discretion is advised._

Matt rushes into the living room where Niki is watching tv.

Matt: You, my good lady....._are pregnant_.

Niki: WHAT!?

Matt: You know, I've been counting since the beginning of the series and you said '_WHAT!?'_ like....a thousand times already.

Niki: Explain yourself, troll!

Matt: Well, it's the new year.

Niki: Duh.

Matt: And I just saw this news story where this woman gave birth to the first baby of the year, and they gave her a car!

Niki: …...really?

Matt: Yes! So, you are pregnant...right now. And will have the baby....

Niki: ..._in nine months_.

Matt: Uh......it doesn't have to go like that....you've been pregnant! And the baby is going to pop out today!

Niki: Matt, you just heard this story....right?

Matt: Yeah.

Niki: So how does having a baby _now_ going to make me the first of the year if that woman already had hers?

Matt: Hmm....good point. I'll call _Hiro,_.....you put this basketball under your shirt.

Niki: ….that's not going to work....

Matt: Good point......I'll call Hiro to go back and bring you...._pregnant with Micah_.....to here! You'll have him, and we'll get a new car....._since I destroyed Mohinder's Porsche and all_....

Niki: ….And a massive time rift will destroy the universe.

Matt: And Boom! We got a plot for the next season! _Suit up!_

Matt walks out of the room, Niki shakes her head.

Niki: _Previously on Heroes_.......

Level 52 explodes!

Nathan: Well, I've had enough of your nonsense.

Noah: Who, us?

Nathan: Yes! I'm pulling out of the Company Deux project.

Samson gets sworn in as the new Principal of the school.

Monica: _Does that actually happen?_

Angela: I'm holding a contest…..just so I can write it off on my taxes.

Peter (to Claire): Turns out….that Munroe knows about us.

Hiro comes back from the past….a T-Rex is running amok outside.

Hiro: Ruh Roh….

---

_Several hours ago, before Chapter 24 began…_

Micah Sanders was making his way to class, he stops by his locker. A note on the door reading….

_Chapter Twenty Five "On The Inside"_

Micah: Oh…._just one of those. Hmm…_Another note.

_Follow the trail_.

Micah looks down to see a trail of M&M's leading out of the school.

Micah: As much as I like M&M's…._I'm not eating them off the floor._ Guess I'll see where this leads.

Micah follows the candy trail out of the school, around the tables, into a bus, off the bus, through the basketball court, back through the parking lot, into the school, and finally ending into _Principal Samson Gray's office_.

Micah: You must be joking….

Samson: Hello, Mr. Sanders.

Micah: I had to walk that entire trail to get here?! Why didn't you just page me? _My class is right across the hall_.

Samson: I had to be discreet, for this is an…..important matter.

Micah: What is it?

Samson: Close the door.

Micah shuts the door.

Samson pulls down a video screen and starts a projection, the picture is of _Sylar_.

Samson: This….is my son.

Micah: DUH! We've already covered this…..

Samson: He left me for dead many years ago…..and now, I want to show him his greatest mistake.

Micah: Wonderful…..did you want me to make you a webpage or something?

Samson: I want your assistance, in finding my son.

Micah: I don't specialize in that. But why would I help you anyways…..? Sylar is evil.

Samson: You would have the chance to reunite a father and son.

Micah: But…he's evil. How do I know that you're not evil.

Samson: I led you here on a trail of M&M's! What villain does that!?

Micah: I don't know…..

Samson: Tell you what…….I'll make you a deal……you help me…..

Micah: ….

Samson: ….

Micah: …..

Samson: …..

Micah: ….AND?!

Samson: That's it.

Micah: ugh…..

Meanwhile, at the office…..

Elle: So, Sylar blew up Level 52. Big deal……

Noah: We lost all those villains!

Elle: There was only one…

Noah: What is your plan?

Elle: Well, you're not going to like it. It involves Claire….

Noah: No.

Elle: ….going undercover….

Noah: No.

Elle: At the Syndicate.

Noah: ......No….

Elle: And putting her life in danger…..what could go wrong?

Noah: I said 'No'! There must be another way. I have to go talk to Nathan, _who has something important to tell Angela and myself_.

Elle: Watch him pull out of the project.

Noah: Like that would happen…._he loves us_

Elle: Whatever. Anyway, why don't you give Claire a shot? She's a tough girl….always with her (with Claire' voice) "_I walked through fire and didn't get burned" and "I can't feel pain, and soon I won't be able to feel anything at all"_. (normal voice) I read these in her new tell-all book '_Woes Of A Cheerleader: The Claire Bennet story'_.

The book has a cover of Claire, looking into the distance, about to get creamed by an oncoming train. _Choo! Choo!_

Elle: _The train actually says 'Choo! Choo'?! _That's odd….

Noah: I told her not to publish that…..whatever, just….don't do it. I'll be back shortly.

Noah leaves…Elle hops on her phone.

Claire (answering her phone): Yeah?

Elle: ….._we're on_.

Claire: I was hoping you'd say that.

Elle: You can't fail…..good luck. _I have to go shoot 'Chapter 24'_.

Claire hangs up the phone and looks in the mirror at her newly dyed _black hair_. To compare, she holds up a picture of one of Sylar's agents, '_Bridgett St. Clair'._

Claire: Good thing we look just alike……and the fact that '_Claire'_ is in her name….what a coincidence!

= = =_I like to make myself believe, that planet Earth turns slowly_……_HEROES!= = =_

_7 Hours until Claire gets caught._

Claire: HEY!

In the car, Claire hops on her cell phone to call Elle, but no luck.

Claire: Way to go, Elle, give me this important mission and no address. Hmm……Whose that girl that everybody always go to when they can't find someone and the writers can't think of a better way to find them…..Molly!

The car pulls into the school, Claire walks in.

Hall Monitor: HEY! You don't have a visitor's pass……..

Claire: I didn't think they had Hall Monitor's in Junior High….oh well….

Claire walks past the receptionist into Samson's office. He was in the middle of talking to Micah.

Samson: May I help you, young lady?

Claire: Yes, I was looking for Molly.

Micah: Oh….hey, Claire. Whoa!....Almost didn't recognize you with the black hair.

Claire: Hi, Micah. Yeah….I'm doing an undercover mission. Do you know where Molly is?

Micah: Yeah, her class should be ending soon, I'll take you there.

They start to leave.

Samson: AHEM!

Micah and Claire stop.

Samson: …..AHEM!

Micah: -sigh-…..Claire this is the Principal….now, let's go.

Samson makes his way to Claire and shakes her hand.

Samson: It is a pleasure to meet you. You may recognize me….._these sharp looks do run in the family_.

Claire: ….

Micah: …..(eye roll)

Claire: ….uh…….

Samson: The name is _Samson_….._Samson Gray_.

Claire: …..

Samson: I am……a father…..

Claire: Congratulations……?!......I guess…..

Samson: ….of….

Micah: This is taking to long, _he's Sylar's dad._

Claire: GAH! FREAKING OUT!

Samson: Don't be scared. My son is a vicious and vile young man….and he needs to be taught a valuable lesson…..My son did something terrible to me…..has he done anything to you, Claire?

Claire: Well, he….

Samson: That's nice……Anyway….My son must be stopped at all costs. We are the good guys…..we are the only ones who can stop him.

He walks up to Micah and Claire.

Samson: _Retribution is upon us_……._it is within reach_…….and I want it more than anything.

Claire: Uh, that's nice, but I have work to do.

She turns and cuts herself on a nail sticking out of the wall.

Claire: Ow…..

The cut heals.

Micah: Uh….?!

Samson: Ah….so it becomes clear.

Claire: Busted?

Micah: Busted.

Samson: You are the girl who saved my life……I want to thank you by having you _help me with my problem_.

Claire: Saved your?….wait a minute….that's right! You're Dr. Munroe's patient! Peter told me that…..how did I forget?

Samson: You're blood is very special, indeed.

Claire: Enough of that, where's Munroe?

Samson: Well, it looks like we both want something. You help me find my son…..I'll give you Munroe….

Micah: What do I get?

Samson: You get to continue to travel down the road of academic success….at this school…..whatever the name is…..

Micah: I feel like I'm getting cheated.

Claire: So, where's her classroom.

Micah: Oh man….I forgot! She's not in class today. She's going to the football game!

Claire: What football game?

Micah: _She's a flag girl for this school's football team._

Claire: That's all good but….who has a football game _during classes_.

Samson: We do! We take pride in our football team….whatever it's name is for whatever the school's name is….I should probably write these things down.

Micah: We might catch her bus. Come on!

The three of them run out as the bus is leaving.

Claire: Of course that happens.

Samson: This way….we'll take my _chopper_.

Claire: You have a helicopter?!

Samson: No, my bike!

Micah: Cool! You have a motorcycle.

Claire and Micah look (with massive disappointment) at Samson's 9 speed bicycle….._with a wagon tied to the end of it._

Samson: There's only one seat. But I added this wagon in case of extra passengers.

Micah (to Claire): Please tell me you brought a car.

Claire (to Micah): Please tell me you have a tank of gas lying around somewhere.

Micah: Groan…..

Later, Samson is pedaling furiously down the street with Claire and Micah riding in the wagon in the back.

Samson: Gotta love that fresh air!

Claire: This seems a little dangerous!

Micah: No Claire…._this is very dangerous_….

Samson (singing): _I've got a lovely bunch of Coconuts_….

Claire: AHHHH! _PINECONE!!!!_

Running over the pinecone, the wagon flips, Claire and Micah fall into the street.

Claire: ow….

Micah: Medic!

Meanwhile, at _The Syndicate_….

Jax, the intern, bursts into Sylar's room.

Jax: Sir…we have a situa……(looks at his T.V, which has a Nintendo Wii remote sticking out of it)…._tion?_

Sylar: It came like that.

Jax: Sir, I told you to lay off the Wii Bowling….

Sylar (sobbing): _I can't! It's too addictive…-sob-_

Jax: We have more pressing issues, sir. The _Health Inspector _is coming.

Sylar: For what?

Jax: To….._inspect….health_.

Sylar: I don't own an eating establishment! What difference does it make?

Jax: It's a law….it's about _our_ health.

Sylar: What a load of bull…..so, what if we fail?

Jax: He'll shut us down.

Sylar: We are the world's most notorious villains….plus one thanks to the Level 52 raid…..we're not going to let some pipsqueak Health Inspector stop us.

Jax (running out): We have twenty minutes.

Sylar: That will be plenty of time to set my trap…..mwa……hmm…..my laugh isn't what it used to be. Needs practice…..

At the football game….

Samson: What a perfect day for a football game. There are a ton of people here!

Claire: Are all these people ditching class!?

Samson: Looks like it.

Claire: Uh…shouldn't you be….I don't know….upset about that?

Samson: Maybe?

Micah: Molly is getting ready, we're too late! We'll have to wait until she gets done.

Samson: We don't have time….We'll split up into three groups…..

Claire: Stellar math skills…..

Samson: Micah, you check over there.

Micah: Where?

Samson: Claire, you run out on the field and confront Molly.

Claire: I can't do that!

Micah: Where am I supposed to go again?

Samson: Leave the snack bar to me….

Micah: Actually, I wouldn't mind having the snack bar…..

Samson: Dismissed!

Samson takes off. Micah and Claire stand there.

Micah: This is going to be….

Claire: ….a very….very long day.

A voice: _What are we going to do?! Cindy is out sick! We're going to need a cheerleader to assume the top of the pyramid!_

Another voice: _Hey, what about that girl over there, she looks like a cheerleader!_

Claire: My ears are burning!

Micah: Well, I have to disapprove since you were a Cheerleader on the _Halloween Special_ and died while performing the pyramid….

Claire: Which was forever ago…..

Micah: But it'll get you on the field…..so…..go crazy.

Claire: I'm off!

Micah: A very long day indeed.

Back at The Syndicate….Jax is dusting like there's no tomorrow. Sylar is reading a book.

Jax: SIR! What are you doing?

Sylar: I wish you'd stop calling me that. _You're making me look like Peppermint Patty_!

Jax: But the Health Inspector is….

Sylar: You know what, Jax? I don't care about this guy. In fact, I'm going to just kill him….

Jax: Uh…

Sylar: Assume his form….(upon getting shape shifting powers again)….and give us a passing grade. Will that put your mind at ease?

The Health Inspector, _who was standing behind Sylar the entire time, _puts a check mark on the '_Death Threat' box _and proceeds into the next room.

Sylar: Curses…..

Micah, in the bleachers, is joined by Samson, with some nachos and a novelty foam hand with the number 1 on it.

Micah: The operation is going perfectly….I guess.

Claire (cheering): _We got spirit! Yes we do! We got spirit! How about you?_

Other cheerleader: Hey! We stopped cheering like, 10 minutes ago, you can get off the field now.

The football lands in Claire's hands. She screams and starts to run for it.

Micah: This is going _very well_.

Samson: I would think the game would stop if the Cheerleader caught the ball.

Micah: Nope…..this sort of thing only happens to us.

Inside one of the locker rooms, Claire bursts in and slams the door.

Molly: Claire? Is that you?

Claire: Yes….the black hair does make me look a thousand times more amazing than normal….

Molly: What are you doing here? I mean…..you somehow got on the Cheerleading Squad and you don't even go to our school……but….

Claire: I need to know where Sylar is.

Molly: You know, I really wish you guys would use me for something else then your personal _Hero GPS_.

Claire: You're right……I completely understand……so……..

Molly: …….

Claire: ........How about some _girl talk_?

Molly: Shoot.

Claire: Oh!…..uh……aren't boys just…..gross…..and stuff……?

Molly: …..

Claire: ….yeah, I remember that when I was your age……gotta avoid them _cooties_…..

Molly: Okay, that was the worst _Girl Talk _ever! And second….most people outgrew cooties in like….1st grade.

Claire: Really?! That early?!.....Well, that was about the same time for me too…..heh heh…..

Football Player: Hey, Zeke, you should ask that new cheerleader out!

Zeke: I would but she said I had _cooties!_

Football Player: What is this, _1__st__ grade?_

Claire (screaming): _I WAS JOKING!!!!_

Later, Claire plops down on the bleachers next to Samson and Micah.

Claire: I got the address!

Samson swipes the piece of paper and looks at it for about a second, then hands it back to Claire.

Samson: That is all I need. For our adventure ends here….

Micah: Huh?

Samson: It has been a delight to travel with you two. We should do it again sometime. But I must handle this next battle….alone.

Samson gets up and leaves.

Claire: And…..now we don't have a ride. So what did he leave us?

Micah (holding up the foam hand pointing a number 1): _…he gave us the finger_.

Claire: How appropriate…..

Meanwhile, Sylar, Jax the intern, and The Health Inspector are walking through the hall.

H.I: Mr. Gray, this evil lair of yours is riddled with health code violations. I don't know where to begin.

Sylar: You can start and end with the last offensive……that would be nice.

H.I: Normally, I could negotiate on some of these. But the rest just make me want to shut you down on the spot.

Sylar: That's preposterous. We don't get customers!

H.I: It's not about the customers! It's about maintaining a healthy work environment for your employees.

Sylar: _You say that as if I actually pay them_….

Jax: It's true. He doesn't.

H.I: We need to go over some of these….

Sylar: What is so bad about this place?

H.I: Well, for starters….You have mice in your break room!

In the break room, in a cage, two mice try to break free.

Pinky: _Narf! _What are we going to do tonight, Brain?

Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky………_TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!_

_They're Pinky…They're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!_

Sylar: Ugh……Jax, a word.

Jax: What is it sir?

Sylar: We need to get rid of this guy at once! You'll distract him, and I will find a way to dispose of our guest. We may be violating health…..but he is violating…you know…..our…..place?

Jax: Well said, sir….

Sylar: He dies, tonight!

The Health Inspector puts a second checkmark on the 'Death Threat' box.

Sylar: GRR!

Outside of the Complex, a bus pulls up. Micah and Claire hop out.

Claire: So…..this is it.

Micah: Let's get inside, I'll fix the security settings for you.

They walk in.

Receptionist: HI! Welcome to _The Syndicate_. How may I help you?

Claire: We need to….

Receptionist: NO!

Claire: …..

Micah: …..

Receptionist: Thank you, come again.

Claire: But I….

Receptionist: Thank you, come again.

Claire: BUT!

Receptionist: I said '_Thank you…come again_'.

Claire: _Crap Factories!_

Micah: Uh….what?.....whatever….Distract her….I'll set you up.

Claire walks behind the receptionist.

Claire: JUDO CHOP!

Claire chops…..

Receptionist: OW! That hurt! (Running off) _WAAAAAAAAAH!_

Claire: ….hmm….needs more practice.

Micah types something on the computer.

Micah: Okay, here we go……put your thumb here. (Which Claire does). All your information has replaced Bridgett's…..You are free to roam the complex.

Claire: Thanks, Micah. Couldn't have done it without you.

Micah: I'll be back at school monitoring your progress. _Since apparently I'm the only one who still goes since everyone is at the game._

Claire: Good, I'll take it from here.

Claire puts an earpiece on while making her way down the hall.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen. The Health Inspector is sitting at the table watching a sandwich move across the surface. He is not amused.

H.I: What is this?

Sylar: Wow, talk about _FAST FOOD!_

Jax (on the drums) _DUM! DUM! TSH!_

H.I: I've had enough. I'm shutting this place down.

Sylar (hopping out of his head): NO WAY! _I'm shutting you down_.

Sylar raises his finger, sliding it across….nothing happens!

Jax: PSST! _You don't have that power anymore!_

Sylar: DAMN! I keep forgetting that. Whose the big fella that works for us?

Jax: _Tiny?_

Sylar: Send him in.

Tiny comes storming in.

Tiny: _TINY HELP!_

Sylar: Ugh….send our guest to the brig…..or cell…..or whatever!

Tiny: _TINY SMASH!_

Jax: No, No, No!....No smash! Just put in cell.

Sylar: I mean…..If you smash him, it's not like it'll be a big deal…..in fact you might get a raise!

Jax: Don't listen to him! Put him in prison….

Tiny: _TINY DON'T GET PAID!_

Sylar: And I'll double that!.....Which if my math is correct…..

H.I (writing): Fail….Fail…..Fail……Fail….

Sylar: Wait….where's Bridgett?

She's upstairs! About to go into her room but she's locked out.

Bridgett: That's weird.

Claire: Allow me!

Claire comes up from behind and unlocks the door.

Bridgett: Who the hell are you?!

Claire: The names _Claire_……_er…Bridgett St. Clair_. I just love how I can just transition into that smoothly even if I screw up the name!

Bridgett: Well, not on my watch!

Bridgett tackles her and they roll around, punching, scratching, and kicking each other.

_ONE CATFIGHT LATER_…..(budget cuts)

Claire emerges from the room dusting her hands in a clichéd fashion. Sylar pops up.

Claire: GACK!

Sylar: There you are….hey…..I don't know what it is today….but you look like someone I know…..

Claire: Nope!

Sylar: Good, that's a relief. Now, come on….._We have to do a job_.

Claire: Dammit, I just got here, I'm tired of going on errands!

Sylar's Van……_The Syndicate Machine_……

Claire: That's a stupid name!

The van pulls in front of the National Museum Of Priceless Shiny Things.

Claire: That name is no better…..

Sylar: Well, since you are the master jewel thief….

Claire: Of course I am……(ugh….I couldn't be the janitor!)

Sylar: We are going to steal the Priceless _Faberge Egg Of Shangri-La!_

Claire: What does this have to do with being evil?

Sylar: …._stealing is evil_.

Claire: Good save.

Sylar: Let's move.

Claire: It's just us two?

Sylar: Yeah….didn't you see _Ocean's Eleven?_

Claire: Yeah…._They had ELEVEN people!_

Sylar: Well, we don't…..so get over it…..move!

Claire and Sylar (more like _Bridgett St. Claire)…_

Claire: So lame…..

…make their way around the side of the Museum. They enter a vent which conveniently takes them to an opening _right over the Faberge Egg display_.

Claire: …..not even going to go there.

Sylar: Okay….tie this around you…..and I'll lower you down.

Claire: Uh….okay……

Sylar start to lower Claire into the Egg room. She takes out a bag of sand and dumps it around, revealing the lasers all around the room….

Claire: What's the point of putting this in a _public museum_ if it's just going to be lasered off!?

Back in the vent….Sylar is lying on his back, holding onto the rope. _Pinky and The Brain show up_.

Pinky: _NARF! _Brain, this guy here is stopping us from taking over the world! _NARF!_

Brain: _Let's mess him up_.

Sylar (his face getting beat up): AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Sylar drops the rope, Claire lands on the display, it shatters into a million pieces, many of them skewering into her abdomen.

Claire: OH THAT SUCKS!!!..........

Sylar gets his composure and pulls Claire back up as the alarm is blaring.

Sylar: Oh man….I didn't expect that to happen! Are you…..okay?

Some cuts on Claire's face begin _to heal automatically_.

Sylar: Hmm…..That's odd…..I don't remember you having a power…..in fact, none of my employees do…….especially one with……..OH MY GOD….IT'S CLAIRE!

Claire: _Bridgett St. Clair _that is! (I think I'm busted)

Sylar: Cut the crap, Claire! I know it's you!!!

Claire: Oh boy….

Back in school, Micah gets out of his chair and sprints down the hall. Upon exiting, he stops dead in his tracks when he sees a _T-Rex roaming around the school courtyard_.

Micah: Ugh…..man….come on…..

Micah runs down the hall and enters Hiro's room.

Hiro turns around to see Micah standing there.

Hiro: Oh, hello Micah. What can I help you with?

Micah: Did....you go back into the past to give your history lesson?

Hiro: Yeah, we weren't there for long though. Why?

Micah: I....think you brought back some visitors.

Hiro runs over to look out the window. A T-Rex is stomping around the courtyard of the school.

Micah: …...what have we learned?

Hiro (mouth agape, staring at the dinosaur running amok): …...Holy sh---

Back at The Syndicate. Tiny throws Claire in a cell next to The Health Inspector….

Sylar (standing next to Jax): I can plan one final attack that will put an end to Bennet…..and she will help me every step of the way.

Jax: Yeah….I'm sure that will work.

They begin to walk down the hall, Tiny charges after them.

Tiny: _TINY LOSE GIRL!_

Sylar: WHAT!? You just put her in there.

Tiny:_ I LOCKED CAGE, BUT IT BECAME UNLOCKED!_

Sylar: You're so getting a pay _decrease_……you're going to have to start paying _me to work here_!

Sylar storms down the hall and swings the door open to find _Samson standing there_.

Sylar: Guh……..

Samson: Hello……son…….(lightning strike)

Jax (on the drums): _DUM! DUM! TSH!_

Sylar: -groan-…..

To Be Continued......


	26. Killer Instinct

The Heroes Parody Project

Author's Note: There are 4 chapters left after this one. So I'm just going to quickly wrap up Hiro's storyline (I'm my own worst critic, but I'm not a fan of it. In fact I'm really not that crazy about any of the Hiro storylines I write, is that bad?) and set the stage for the last chapters of this Volume.

_Disclaimer: The Heroes Parody Project a fan fiction based off of the show 'Heroes'. It is copyright NBC and Tim Kring, and I am not affiliated with any of the cast or crew. Reader Discretion is advised._

Claire is sitting on the couch, watching tv. She is joined by Lyle. He punches her in the arm, she slugs him in the stomach.

Lyle: OOF!....ugh.....What are you watching?

Claire: Wheel Of Fortune.......Peter somehow managed to get on it.

Lyle: Really? How is he doing?

Claire: I bet him that he wouldn't make a single dollar......_he's in the final round_.

Lyle: What did you bet him?

Claire: I'd do his laundry for a week.......I was taking a major risk here....because Peter's laundry...(shudder)

(On TV)

Peter: YAY! The final round! In your face, _Claire!_

Pat Sajak: Okay, Peter. You picked your letters for the final round. Don't forget we will give you the letters _R, S, T, L, N, and E. _You have 10 seconds, and if you win you'll get an incredible prize and bragging rights against your niece.

Peter: The greatest gift of all.....

Pat Sajak: Let's see the letters so far.

The six letters reveal themselves to be....._Trelns_.

Pat Sajak: Hey! That's all the letters! _You win by default!_

Claire: WHAT?!

Peter: Woo Hoo!

Claire: _'Trelns' isn't even a word!!!_

Lyle: What are you talking about? Yeah it is....

Claire: No it isn't...

Lyle: Uh, yeah....it is.

Claire: Uh, no....it isn't.....so shut your face!

Sandra walks in carrying some groceries.

Sandra: Lyle, honey, can you help me get the last bag in the car?.....Damn _Trelns_ almost made me spill everything just now.

Lyle (to Claire): See?

He gets up and walks out.

Claire: IT ISN'T A WORD!! ARGH!

Sandra: Oh, Claire, can you set the table? I'm making _Smoked Trelns_ for dinner tonight!

Claire: ARRRRGH!

Claire storms upstairs to her room, grumbling along the way.

Claire: _Previously on Heroes......_(Slams her bedroom door)

Angela: I'm holding a race so I can write it off on my taxes now that Nathan has pulled out of the Company Deux project.

Noah: Which happened 2 chapters ago.

Nathan: I'm pulling out of the Company Deux project.

Noah: This also happened _2 chapters ago_….sheesh….

Elle: Okay, Claire, we're set for your mission. Go ahead and proceed…

Claire: I'm sure my dad is just thrilled….

Elle: Completely supportive, he was….

Claire: …..you're full of it.

Elle: Yes I am.

Claire, Micah, and Samson Gray speed off to the football game to look for Flag Girl Molly to find the location of Sylar (since nobody else has thought to do that yet).

Molly: Go to this address.

Samson ditches them. Claire and Micah break into the Syndicate.

Sylar: You must come with me on a mission….(finger quotes) _Bridgett_….

Claire rolls her eyes. Claire and Sylar bust into the museum, Claire gets busted in general.

Sylar: AH HA!!

Claire: Oh, whatever….

Claire gets thrown into a prison cell, then suddenly gets rescued.

Sylar swings the front door open to find his father, Samson, waiting for him.

---

Tick….tock…..tick…..tock……tick….tock…..

Sylar (or Gabriel) and Samson Gray are sitting across from each other in the _guest room_ of The Syndicate. They say nothing, and continue to stare each other down in what seems like an eternity. Samson couldn't help but notice the beautiful cross stitching on the rug in front of the fireplace that just so happen to read:

_Chapter Twenty Six "Killer Instinct"_

Sylar: ……

Samson: ….So….._you're doing well_.

Sylar: ……

Samson: ……_How's school?_

Sylar: State your business.

Samson: Well, as you can see. I'm alive and well. Fit as a Faddle….

Sylar: ?

Samson: Whatever…..I have come to make a peace offering…

Sylar: I left you for dead. You somehow got healed, probably from the cheerleader.

Samson: Cheerleader….what cheerleader?

Sylar: The power I took from her that you wanted and now Claire just happens to show up, and is now missing, and now _you're here and not dying_. So yeah, I can put the pieces together. I do know how things work you know, that has and always will be my special power.

Samson: Well, you are very observant…._I wouldn't call it a power though_.

Sylar: So what is your motive?

Samson: None at all, my son. I see you got yourself a nice little operation here. I don't suppose you have….room for one more?

Sylar: I have plenty of room…just not for you.

Samson: Well, that is unfortunate. I do hope you can change your mind and we can resolve our differences someday. When that time comes….you can call me. Here is my card.

Sylar: ……Where is it?

Samson: What?

Sylar: The card?

Samson: I haven't made it yet.

Sylar: Why would you offer a business card that you don't have!?

Samson: I was trying to look professional….do you have a piece of paper?

Sylar: Yes.

Sylar scoffs and leaves the room. He returns with a piece of paper and a pencil.

Samson: A pen, if you don't mind.

Sylar: What's wrong with a pencil?

Samson: Not permanent enough. I don't want you to forget about my offer and erase it.

Sylar leaves the room, he returns with a pen.

Sylar: Here!

Samson: Thank you….let me write my information down.

Samson jots down something, he hands the piece of paper to Sylar. Sylar opens the paper to read his father's info, which just reads:

_SAMSON GRAY_

Sylar: I know your name!!!

Samson: Oh….well, give me my paper back!

Sylar: Why don't you put a telephone number down?

Samson: I don't own a phone….

Sylar: Do you have a job? Can I not call you there?

Samson: I do….and you may call me there. I look forward to your answer…._son_.

Cue creepy violins, Sylar looks around to see where that's coming from. Samson makes his way out of the building, neglecting to tell Sylar his place of work or his work number. Sylar flings the paper up into the air and storms off.

Meanwhile, Claire opens her eyes, she is in a place she does not recognize.

Claire: Oh, great….now what?

She looks around, the front door is locked (from the outside). Making her way to the window, she spots a framed picture on a desk. Her father, Noah Bennet, is in the picture. Not too sure what to think, she looks back out the window.

= = =Earth'll be comin around the Sun when it comes, Earth'll be comin around the Sun when it comes…..Heroes!= = =

Peter, is patiently waiting in someone's bathroom. Ready to exact his revenge.

Peter: Stupid Munroe, finding out about our powers….thinks he's going to get the upper hand by ambushing me in the bathroom. Well, I'm going to get _the even upper hand_ by forcing him not to expose us. There's only one way to save the _Heroes_, and that' _this Hero_! (Points to himself)

The shower curtain flings open……and it's Niki.

Niki: AHHHH!

Peter: AHHHH!

Niki: AHHHHH!

Peter: Double AHHHHH!

Niki: PETER!!!?!?! WHAT THE FRACK?!

Peter (covering his eyes): Niki, I am sooo sorry….I didn't know. I was trying to ambush Munroe.

Niki: _In your own bathroom!?_

Peter: That's where he was last time.

Niki: Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed.

Peter: Don't worry…_I was filming the entire thing_.

Niki: You WHAT!?

Peter: I wanted video evidence of Munroe promising he wouldn't expose our powers to the public!

Niki: ……………………………Peter?

Peter: Yes, Niki?

Niki: Get. Out. Now.

Peter: Hmm……That's strange.

Niki: What?

Peter: Door's jammed….

Niki buries her face in the shower curtains.

At the school, all is going fine and good. Except for the whole _Hiro brought back some friends from past history and now they are destroying the school_.

Hiro and Ando _are running down the hall, screaming for their lives, being chased by a few Velociraptors. _Monica is walking to her office when she notices the spectacle.

Monica: What the hell?

Her door opens, Micah reaches out and yanks her inside, slamming the door.

Micah: Oh good, you didn't get eaten.

Monica: Micah, what in the world is going on?

Micah: Dinosaurs.

Monica: Excuse me?

Micah: Hiro went back in time to give his students a _History_ lesson they would never forget.

Monica: That's a horrible idea.

Micah: That's what we tried to tell him. He did it anyway, his power is messed up, and now he brought back some….guests.

Monica: But….wouldn't taking something from its natural habitat and time period and bringing it to today completely alter History?

Micah: Uh…..actually…..yes

Monica: That and I could have sworn I just saw _Genghis Kahn _in the cafeteria.

Micah: Oh great……man, I don't have time for this. Claire is in trouble!

Monica: Whatever is going on, we need to fix it. We don't need one of those loopy time paradox things that were in the last volume. Hell, _I wasn't even in the last volume and I don't want to experience that!_

Micah: But something must be really wrong if Hiro isn't stopping time.

Suddenly, the door flies open and Ando drags an unconscious Hiro inside. Monica runs forward and slams the door while the Velociraptor bangs it's head on it.

Monica: EEK!

Micah: What happened?

Ando: I think a caveman threw a boulder and knocked him out.

Micah: Seriously? _A boulder_? Give me a break…

Ando: What are we going to do?

Micah: Okay…I have an idea to fix this. It might not work.

Hiro (sitting up): Don't worry guys, I know what to do.

Micah: ….

Ando: ….

Monica: ….

Hiro takes out a fork and starts brushing his hair.

Hiro: All I have to do is _give Ursula my voice, which will get me legs so I can finally marry Prince Eric_. But first, let's sing about how great life is _under the sea_. (Grabbing Ando's hand) Now _Sebastian, strike up the band!_

Ando: OH CRAP! He thinks he's the chick from _The Little Mermaid! _We're screwed…..

Micah: I'm going to make the call.

Monica: I sure do hate the break the fourth wall again….but, _were all the previous volumes like this_?

Back at Peter's apartment, a fully clothed Niki is placing Peter's _tape_ into the garbage disposal.

Peter: You know I could have recorded over that!

Matt (eating a sandwich): What's going on?

Niki: Don't tell him.

Peter: I accidentally saw Niki naked in the shower.

Matt: I would hope she was naked, _her clothes would get all wet!_.......and nobody likes that, believe me…..

Niki: Could we please stop talking about this?!

Peter: And I accidentally recorded it, and now here we are.

Niki: What part of…'_Stop talking about it'_ is hard to comprehend in that tiny lump of goo you call a brain?

Matt: I don't see what the big deal is…..(turning to Niki)…_Didn't you used to be a Internet Stripper?_

Niki puts her head down on the counter.

Peter: HEY! YOU'RE RIGHT! SHE WAS!

Niki: Seething with rage…..must make Death now….

Peter: I don't know what I'm going to do about Munroe. He has evidence of our powers, and is going to expose us.

Matt: Just go see what he wants. He probably still works at the hospital we keep ending up at every other chapter.

Peter: Good idea…..I know! You should come with me, and convince him not to do that.

Matt: …..oh…….OH!....you mean (finger quotes) _'Convince'_…..I hear ya, man………

Mohinder walks in.

Mohinder: Man, what a hard day at work. Doing _research_ sure does take it out of you. Now to watch my movie.

Mohinder picks up the remote and pushes play……._The shower curtain swooshes open, followed by the screams of Niki and Peter_. Mohinder drops the remote….and his jaw in shock.

Mohinder: _This isn't 'March of The Penguins'!!!_

Niki shoots a death glare at Peter.

Niki: If that's what I think it is…..then what is in the garbage?

Peter (sliding in his chair): …..the….._other copy?_

Niki: AHHHHHH!

Niki sprints across the room, tackling Mohinder to the ground.

Back at Noah's office.

Noah and Elle walk in after the whole _race debacle_.

Noah: Strange….I can't seem to get a hold of Claire.

Elle: That sucks.

Noah: _YOU SENT HER ON THAT MISSION!?_

Elle: AHH! How did you know that?

Noah: Because I know you, Elle. Always going behind my orders…..this is going to cost you big.

Elle: Big?

Noah: Big.

Elle: How Big?

Noah walks over to a chart with all the agent's names on them. Next to the name are sets of _gold star stickers for good behavior_. Noah removes one.

Elle: Damn….I worked really hard to get that.

Noah: Now that I think about it….I don't recall giving you any….ever….._Did you take these from The Haitian's board?_

Elle: Well, he has like _a million!_ It's not like he would miss them.

Noah: Ugh! I have to go get her and clean up your mess!

Elle: No, no, no….I can do it!

Noah: Are you sure?

Elle: Yes, sir!

Noah: Fine, get moving!

Elle: Aren't you going to give me the address?

Noah: You don't know…?....Wait….How does Claire know where to go then?

Elle: Uh….._she ran into Molly at a football game?_

Noah (sighing): …there is no way you could've known that…unless…..._you got your script book switched again, didn't you? _

Elle: Yeah, I took Micah's by accident…..so I knew about it in advance.

Meanwhile…

Micah: _Are Noah and Elle in this scene? _(flipping through pages) Because it just has dialog between them but they are nowhere near here…..I'm so confused!

Elle: Okay, so this is the address of The Syndicate….how did you get this?

Noah: Go. Get. Her.

Elle: But….it's the bad guy's lair!

Noah: Go. Get. Her.

Elle: Aw, _hamburgers!_

At The Syndicate….Sylar opens the door to find Elle.

Sylar: You have got to be kidding me. _Who else from my past is just going to show up at the door_!?

Elle: Hello, Sylar…..you are looking well.

Sylar: What do you want?

Elle: Well….it's a funny story…..you see, I sent one of my……she's not really an agent, she's just…..anyway, is Claire here?

Sylar: Good lord, you have gotten sloppy.

Elle: What do you mean?

Sylar: You send a double agent to infiltrate the Villain's organization then come _alone, in person, to the front door, to see if she's here?_ Who does that?

Elle: We do! The Company! Best in the business……if you would like to make an appointment you are more than welcome to call. Here is my business card.

Elle hands Sylar a card that just has the words '_ELLE BISHOP'_ on it.

Sylar: GRRRRR!

_RIP! RIP! RIP! RIP! RIP!_

Sylar: Leave the premises at once or I will have you killed!

Elle: Not without Claire!

One of Sylar's assassins, appropriately named _ASSASSIN!_ (exclamation point and all) creeps up and is about to judo chop Elle. She reaches behind her and grabs _ASSASSIN'S!_ wrist and electrocutes him.

Sylar: I need some new lackeys……She's not here.

Elle: She's not?.....Why?

Sylar: WHY!? I don't know….and even if I did I wouldn't tell you.

Elle: ……That is so rude! I don't appreciate you talking to me like this.

Sylar: I don't care.

Elle: GET OUT! I never want to see you again!

Sylar: FINE!

Sylar storms out of _his own lair_. Elle steps in and slams the door. Sylar looks back to see what just happened as _his head turns into a giant lollipop with the word 'SUCKER' imprinted on it_.

Elle: _That's all folks!_

Whatever…..anyway, back at the school.

Micah (on the phone): So….what do you say?.........Yes, he is in……he's knee deep in it as you would so likely put it…….he's out of his mind and can't really go back in time and _you are the only other person I can think of who can_……….yes……._The Prehistoric Age_……….awesome, thanks……..oh yes, he will……..talk to you later.

Monica: Who was that?

Micah: A friend I know…..so, uh…..we are in the clear….all we have to do is wait.

Monica: That's it?

Micah: That's it.

One of the Raptors breaks its head through the window.

Micah: But we might have to survive until then.

Back at The Syndicate, Claude enters the Briefing Room.

Sylar: Where the hell have you been!? You know, we could have really used you on that silly _Museum Heist Mission_.

Claude: Heh….my apologies…..Jax wanted to run some diagnostic tests.

Sylar: Good…good…..

Claude: Saw you talking with the old guy.

Sylar: Ah yes…..the…urm…..some Newspaper Salesman……..I know! Go track down where he is…_and go blow him up_.

Claude: …_you want me to blow up the Newspaper Salesman_?

Sylar: Yup. He's getting far too pushy. I want him removed at once.

Claude: Will do, master…..

Claude turns around and takes his leave.

Micah, Monica, Ando (carrying Hiro) run out of the school and load up into Monica's car. Before Monica has a chance to get in her car, one of the T-Rexes bites down and slings the car across the parking lot with Micah, Hiro, and Ando inside. Monica stands there in terror and thinks for a moment.

Monica: Okay….I watched _Jurassic Park,_ so I know exactly what to do with these….HIIIIYA!

Monica kicks the Dinosaur….and…

Monica: That didn't help! AHHH!

Monica runs off screaming, which is exactly what _you are not supposed to do since their vision is based off movement_.

Monica: I didn't say _I finished the movie!!_ AHH! HELP! I'm going to be eaten! NOO!

Monica gets cornered and the T-Rex looms in a chomps down. It's teeth phase through Monica's body without puncturing actual skin, she doesn't feel a thing.

Monica: I'm alive…?....Huh?

The giant Dino disappears into thin air.

Monica: ….Okay, that was…..odd.

Monica runs back over to the car which is upside down.

Monica: Micah! Are you and those other people alright?

Ando: We have names!

Micah: Yeah, we're good….why are you still alive?

Monica: Gee, thanks! They're gone!

Micah: Good……glad to hear it. She pulled through for us.

Monica: Uh….whatever…….

Later, in the hospital.

Hiro (lying in the bed): Wow…I feel so much better.

Micah: So, what do you think happened? Why did so many different things from the past came back with you?

Hiro: After you have traveled through time and space as much as I have….some things start to get botched up. I just need a few days of rest……_before I can go back to teaching!_

Micah: Uh…..

Monica: Splendid……

Ando: Hiro, I got your mail…..Thought you should read this one.

Hiro: Okay, let's see what it says…..reaches over and puts his glasses on.

_Dear Hiro,_

_I'm glad to see you're not screwed up. You're lucky your friend Micah called_

_me in to save your butt again. I mean, I did have better things to do with _

_my time, just so you know. Well, to wrap things up, there will come a time_

_in the near future that I will request a favor from YOU. Don't wait for_

_me, I'll show up when you least suspect it. Prepare to pay me back._

_With much love,_

_YOUR NEMESIS_

Hiro: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Ando: ….

Micah: ….

Monica: ….

Peter: Hiro, could you keep it down? We're on a mission here….

Hiro: Oh…sorry.

Peter closes his door and walks with Matt up to Munroe's office.

Peter: This is it.

Matt: This is it.

Peter: We're going to go in there, you are going to make him forget everything.

Matt: That's more of the _Haitian's thing_.

Peter: Hmm…you're right, probably should have brought him along.

Matt: But…I did do something like that _before_….so….it's worth a shot.

Peter: Let's roll.

Peter and Matt open the door to find Munroe _stabbed to death, in a pool of blood on the floor_.

Peter: Okay….._can you make him 'think' he's not dead?_

Matt: That's more of a _Linderman_ thing….and…..yeah…..about that……

_To Be Continued_….


	27. Bride And Prejudice

The Heroes Parody Project

Author's Note:

_Disclaimer: The Heroes Parody Project a fan fiction based off of the show 'Heroes'. It is copyright NBC and Tim Kring, and I am not affiliated with any of the cast or crew. Reader Discretion is advised._

Peter and Nathan were playing a friendly game of cards…..

Peter: _Go Fish!_

Nathan: Peter, we're playing _UNO_, not _Go Fish_….

Peter: Do you have any _Draw Fours_……?

Nathan: ugh….

10 minutes later…

Peter: ….._GIN!_

Nathan: Peter, again….we're playing UNO…..

Peter: Ah…..

5 minutes later…

Peter: _…OLD MAID!!!_

Nathan: Dammit Peter, do we have to go through this every time we play a card game!?

Peter: …..yes.

Nathan: Forget it, let's play something else.

Nathan picks up the cards and sets up a game of checkers.

Nathan: You can go first.

Peter takes one of his pieces and slides it all the way across the board, knocking one of Nathan's pieces off.

Peter: _SOOOORRY!_

Nathan (fuming)

Peter: ….._Connect Four?_

Nathan (still fuming)

Peter: ….._Uno?_

Nathan (seething)

Peter: …._Previously on Heroes?_

Announcer: We would like to honor _Nathan_ _Petrelli_ as the New Mayor of New York City.

Angela (to Nathan, referring to Sally the receptionist): I don't trust her, Nathan.

Nathan: Whatever.

Nathan gets kidnapped, stuck in a room full of pictures of himself. Sally goes to prison.

Sally: I didn't do it. It was your mother, she's a psycho.

Nathan finds the family photo album, along with Angela's plans for building _Company Deux_.

Angela: I did it. But only to get your support.

Nathan: Allright.

Angela: We will be keeping our subject in a new facility…._Level 52_.

Edward, the young man who could extend his years of life equivalent to the years that someone is, was thrown in there.

Sylar: Take it down.

Level 52 explodes. Edward is rescued by The Syndicate.

Nathan: I'll be going ahead and pulling out of the project now.

Munroe (to Peter): I have you and Claire's powers on tape. I will expose you.

Matt (to Peter): Just go up there and see what he wants. Maybe he'll make a trade.

Matt and Peter arrive in his office to find Munroe dead.

---

At a church in the middle of the afternoon, a wedding is happening. Inside, time is frozen as the following is occurring:  
_Niki (in a wedding dress) is running down the aisle_.

Matt (in the groom's tux) is lying on the floor, dead.

Mohinder (toward the front of the church) is holding up Nathan Petrelli who has been shot.

Time resumes, Niki continues to run. She busts out of the church as photographers blind her with the camera flashes. The scene changes to Angela Petrelli, staring out the window as the rain pours down. The rain drops trickle down the surface of her window past:

_Chapter Twenty Seven "Bride And Prejudice"_

Angela: Just wonderful.

She takes a sip of her tea. The camera pans away from her mansion and up further and further into the sky. Out in space, the camera focuses on…

= = =…_Earth as it rotates, soon to form an eclipse (that shot cost over 1.5 million dollars, just so you know)…Heroes!= = =_

_Niki Sanders  
Peter's Apartment  
Asleep in Dreamland, watch out for Kirby, though! He'll suck you up and take on the form of a woman with an identity crisis. _

Niki is fast asleep, but not for long. As the sounds of footsteps and banging are heard in the hallway. This of course, wakes her up.

Niki: I swear if that's Matt auditioning for _Stomp_ again, I'm gonna…

Her door slowly creaks open…though nobody is there.

Niki: ….Hello?

A voice mumbles something difficult to understand.

Niki: Oookay….

Niki gets out of her bed to close the door. She doesn't get a chance, as it closes on its own.

Niki: Wonderful, a _Poltergeist!_ God, I hate my life….

Voice: …._Niiiiikiiii_……_Niki Saaaaanders_….

Niki: What?

Voice: …._I…neeeed you to do something for meeee…_

Niki: I don't even know you! Get lost, creep!

The faint vision of a woman appears in her room, Niki doesn't seem phased.

Niki: Now what?!

Woman Ghost: _Niki…I have something to ask of yoooouuu…only you can help me…_

Niki: Geez….what do you want? Just stop talking all ghostly, It's a little annoying…

Woman Ghost: _I was supposed to get married to my husband, but my former boss and lover, was jealous and upset that I was quitting without telling anyone. Him and my other Co-Workers proceeded to come to the church and kill everyone, including me and my husband._

Niki: I don't know….that sure does sound like the plot to _Kill Bill_.

Woman Ghost: _Pleeeeease, Nikiiii…_

Niki: I thought I told you to stop talking like that!

Woman Ghost: _My husband is still alive, but I need to let him know I'm allright_….

Niki: Uh…no you're not. _You're dead!_

Woman Ghost: _I just need to tell him not to worry about me_.

Niki: And what….you want to give me his e-mail address or something?

Woman Ghost: _Let me possess your body…so I can hold him one last time…_

Niki: Uh….seriously? I don't feel comfortable doing that.

Woman Ghost:_ Please….before my soul is gone forever…give me this one last chance.._

Niki: Can I ask 'Why me?'

Woman Ghost: _…No._

Niki: Well, that sucks!

Woman Ghost: _Please…_

Niki: Fine! Fine! You're just going to hop in…do your thing…and hop out. Right?

Woman Ghost: _Of course!_

Niki: O…okay, I guess. Just make it quick.

Woman Ghost: _Thaaaaank yooooou…_

Niki: Dammit! Stop that!

The ghost emerges itself into Niki's body. The woman gets a new feel of her host.

Niki (possessed): Ooh! This is wonderful….

Meanwhile, down the hall….Matt is asleep.

Voice: _Matt…Matt Parkman_….

Matt: …._Grandma?_

Voice: _WHAT?! No…get up, Matt Parkman………I need your assistance. _

Matt opens his eyes and looks up at the ghostly vision of a man, hovering over him.

Matt: Holy Crap, Mohinder….You sure have gotten thin. I can see right through you….eat a cheeseburger or something.

Voice: _I'm a ghost, you fool_.

Matt: ….Seriously?

Man Ghost: Yes.

Matt: Wow…._I've been in some stupid storylines before but_…

Man Ghost: _Do something for me…and you will be greatly rewarded._

Matt: What?

Man Ghost: _You see, I'm looking for my wife…_

Matt: Try checking _down the hall_…

Man Ghost: _We were set to get married, but we all died. Except for her…I need to tell her that I love her and I will be okay_.

Matt: Can't you just call her?….the phone is right there.

Man Ghost: _I need to possess your body, and hold my wife one last time_….

Matt: Well…..if I get a reward out of it….

Man Ghost: _You will…_

Matt: In that case….._I'll do it!_

The ghost emerges into Matt's body. Now possessed, he gets up and walks out of the room.

The next morning, Mohinder is eating some cereal and reading the paper. He happens to look up for a split second before doing a double take. As his eyes witness a very unusual vision, _Niki and Matt, approaching the table…holding hands!_

Mohinder: Oh, my good lord….

Niki: Hey, Mohinder!

Matt: Isn't it a great morning….

Mohinder: ……….I…….what is….this?

Niki: Do you want to tell him….or shall I, darling?

Mohinder: Ew.

Matt: I will, my sweet cake.

Mohinder: Double ew.

Niki: Let's both…on the count of three.

Matt: Anything for you.

Mohinder: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?

Niki: We wanted to be the first to tell you the great news….

Mohinder: That there's a massive gas leak!?

Matt: We're getting _married!_

Mohinder's jaw drops in shock…._as a bird flies into his mouth_.

Mohinder: PHLEH! PTOO! COUGH!.....Who left the window open!?

_Monica and Micah  
The Hospital  
Blue Cross Blue Shield is going to have a field day with this one._

Monica and Micah leave Hiro's room so he can get some rest. They bump into Peter, who just left Munroe's office.

Micah: Oh, hi Peter.

Peter: Hey, guys. What's up?

Monica: Well, Hiro isn't feeling too hot. We just checked him in not too long ago…Ando's still with him, though.

Peter: That's good….ho hum…

Micah: …

Monica: …

Peter (louder): _HO HUM_…

Micah and Monica look at each other.

Monica: Something wrong, Peter?

Peter: It's nothing…..The doctor who was threatening to expose our powers is dead. In that room, right over there.

Micah: That's terrible.

Monica: Sure is.

Micah: Wasn't Matt with you?

Peter: He was, but had to rush home to get some sleep. I can't believe he would bail on me. _I hope he gets possessed by a ghost!_

Monica: That's an odd wish…

Peter: I have to find out who killed the doctor…..or….I'll never know who did……….hmm….

Micah: Well, it's the weekend. I'll be more than happy to help you.

Monica: Same here. We'll help you track down the killer.

Peter: Now, all we need is a van and a _Great Dane_ and we got our _Scooby Crew_. Gumshoes…away!

Peter heads off while Micah and Monica look worried.

Monica: You didn't have anything better to do on the weekend?

Micah: Nope. Did you?

Monica: Nope……how sad.

Back at the apartment, Mohinder watches in disgust as Matt and Niki share some popcorn while watching their new favorite show. '_Terminator: The Roseanne Conner Chronicles'_.

Roseanne: _DAN!....DJ!.....DARLENE!.....BECKY!!......RAAAWWWR!_

-Earth Explodes-

Niki: I love this show.

Matt: Not as much as I love you, my lovely _powdered French toast_…

Niki: Oh, stop….(giggles)

Mohinder…taking his _French toast and dumping it in the trash_, suddenly hears the phone ring.

Mohinder (answering): _The Ninth Circle of Hell_….._Mohinder speaking_.

Angela: Mohinder….I need to talk to you.

Mohinder: Go right ahead…nothing going on here. Except for a few crimes against humanity.

Angela: I have to talk to you in _private_. Lives are on the line!

Mohinder: Okay, where are you at?

Later…_at the Bowling Alley_.

Mohinder: _The Bowling Alley?_

Angela: I picked it up with some friends at the Salon. I quite enjoy the sport.

Angela picks up her ball and hurls it down the lane….STRIKE!

Mohinder: Wow!

Angela: I had a dream, Mohinder.

Mohinder: And that would be…

Angela: Nathan. He is going to die.

Mohinder: Again?!

Angela: Well, don't be so callous. I'm really worried about him. That is why I called you.

Mohinder: What am I going to do? I don't have any powers….well, except for that whole super strength thing, but that ran its course.

Angela: Noah, The Haitian, and Elle are currently dealing with their own problems. And both of your partners are…_occupied_ at the moment.

Mohinder: You know about that?

Angela: Yes.

She picks up another ball and throws….STRIKE!

Angela: You are the only one who can stop this wedding.

Mohinder: What is up with that?! Niki and Matt hate each other…

Angela: It's not normal, that's for sure. I do not know the answer. That is your mission.

Mohinder: What does Nathan have to do with it.

Angela: Ah, Nathan…..

Angela picks up her ball again and throws…..TURKEY!

Mohinder: A turkey!?

Angela: ….Nathan will be at the wedding. A lot his supporters are backing out since he lost a lot of money recently….

Mohinder: _On Level 52?_

Angela: That's not important. To raise the faith of the city, he is going to honor the first _married couple of the new decade_.

Mohinder: Nobody has gotten married yet? January is almost over!

Angela: Regardless….Niki and Matt are the first couple of the decade to be wed. Nathan is going to host. Someone wants him dead. You….are the only one who can stop this.

Mohinder: Great….um….am I ever going to get a turn?

Angela: What?

Mohinder: You've been bowling _all my frames!_

Angela: Oh, fine…go….

Mohinder grabs a ball and walks up to the edge of the lane. Spreading his legs, he grabs the ball and bends over.

Angela: HEY! _No Granny Shots!_

Mohinder: Fine….

Mohinder walks back and holds the ball up. He charges forward and flings the ball…._it soars through the air…into the next lane…into the gutter._ The man who was about to bowl that frame is very upset.

Angela: ….tsk…tsk…tsk…

_Peter, Micah, and Monica  
The Public Library  
SSSHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!_

Micah is on the computer, looking up information about Munroe. Monica is off to the side, reading the latest issue of _People_ _Magazine. _Peter is on the phone.

Peter: Come on…Claire….pick up……I have some juicy dead villain gossip…….come on!

Claire's Voicemail: _You've reached Claire Bennet. I'm not at my cell phone right now, it probably got flushed again. I will return your call, just please leave your message after Lynyrd Skynyrd's 'Free Bird'._

The song starts playing.

Peter: UGH! That song is like, _a thousand minutes long!_ I don't have time for this…

Peter hangs up and goes over to Micah's computer.

Peter: Got anything?

Micah (shocked): …._my mom is getting married_!

Monica (throwing the magazine away): WHAT?!

The three of them look at the online news article, '_Mayor Petrelli to honor the decade's first wedding of Matthew Parkman and Nicole Sanders_.

Monica: That's insane!

Peter: AWW! I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. _Ever since she threw him out of that window back in Season One._ I knew they had something…

Micah: Technically, that was _Jessica_.

Peter: Yeah, I can't keep up…

Meanwhile, Claire is stuck in the weird apartment after getting rescued from The Syndicate. After looking around, the door gets kicked in, the kicker, is Sylar's assistant, Jax.

Claire: I know you….aren't you that _Coffee guy_ that works for Sylar.

Jax: We don't have time…we have to go, now!

Jax takes her by the arm and they start to leave.

Claire: Okay, Okay….calm down. I can walk on my own, sheesh!

Outside, Claire gets into the passenger seat as Jax hops in the driver's. He speeds off.

Claire: So….where am I?....where are we going?.....is this all Sylar's plan?....some answers would be just wonderful.

Jax slams on the breaks. The two of them are looking at a very large house.

Jax: Get out.

Claire: You're dropping me off here?! There's a Krispy Kreme like….a block away!

Jax: I need you to get inside of this house. Get on the computer and get as much information as you can. You'll need this.

He hands her a USB drive.

Jax: It has a virus pre-loaded on it. Install it _after_ you finish.

Claire: Finish what? Where am I?

Jax: Just get inside.

Claire: How, it's a gated community. I'll be spotted.

Claire suddenly feels something grab her arm, though _she can't see what it is_. Suddenly…._Claire turns invisible_.

Jax: You don't have much time….

At Nathan's Office, Mohinder goes through the doors.

Nathan: Mohinder? This is a surprise.

Mohinder: Nathan….

Nathan: …yes?

Mohinder: ….Were you aware that _your mother is such an exceptional bowler_?

Nathan: Really?! Bowling was her excuse to get out of coming to my speech rallies. _I didn't think she was serious!_

Mohinder: But enough of that…..You are set to appear at Niki and Matt's wedding?

Nathan: WHO!?

Mohinder: Niki and Matt are getting married…

Nathan: They're the ones getting married?

Mohinder: How did you not know?

Nathan: My publicist informed me about the wedding and I agreed to show up, but I had no idea it was _those two!_

Mohinder: Don't you read the news?

Nathan: I am the news! Look at these…

Nathan throws some tabloids down.

Nathan (reading): '_Nathan Petrelli has affair with 18 mistresses'. 'Petrelli's Plastic Surgery Bombshell'. 'Mayor refuses to move his televised message from 11:35 to 12:05.'_

Mohinder: Are those true?

Nathan: Of course not! (Swipes them away) I deal with this on a daily basis, I don't read any of it.

Mohinder: Whatever. Regardless, they're getting married, you're supposed to show, and your mother informed me that it isn't going to end well for you.

Nathan: Well, I can't just _not_ show up because of _a dream my mother had_. That will kill me….in….a non physical sense. Either way, I'm dead!

---Yesterday---

Sylar, who was taking a nap, is awakened by the sound of the door. He opens it to find Samson.

Sylar: What, now, old man?

Samson: I have been very busy today.

Sylar: That's nice.

Samson: I have a friend….who just so happens to be _Mayor Petrelli's Publicist_.

Sylar: I didn't think Mayors had publicists…..

Samson: The Mayor is going to show up and give a speech to honor the first wedding of the new decade.

Sylar: So?

Samson: Oh…I don't know. You could…..(he leans in and whispers something in Sylar's ear)….

Sylar: …..

Samson: Just a thought….

Sylar: ….that sounds a little unnecessary.

Samson: You never know.

Sylar: What if it doesn't work?

Samson: It will…..trust me…..just this once.

Sylar: ….

Samson: If it fails, I will be perfectly fine with you hating me for the rest of your life.

Sylar: …..

Samson: What do you have to lose…?

Samson turns and leaves. Sylar slowly closes the door, then proceeds the lab of one of his lackeys, _Dr. Terrible_.

Sylar: Doctor.

Terrible: Oh…._Meester Gray_…..how lovely vor you to show up.

Sylar: Yeah, yeah…you've hardly been utilized at all this volume. Tell it to the writers. I need you to do something for me.

Terrible: Anyzing, Meester Gray…..

Sylar: I need you to…._create an ability_ _for me_.

Terrible: Uh….but…

Sylar: Yeah, yeah….that totally didn't work in _Season Three_. But this time….it'll be different.

Terrible (reading): _Zhis power vill give ze specimen…Ethereal Muscular Manipulation_….?

Sylar: Yes. The subject body mass will fade almost out of view, and give them the ability to possess another human host for a limited time.

Terrible: Who did you vant to use?

Sylar: I want them your subjects to be _Edward_, the guy we broke out of Level 52.

Terrible: and ze girl?

Sylar: Her name is _Sally_. She was Nathan's receptionist and got framed by Angela for kidnapping. Nathan was too busy to let her free when she was proven innocent. Now…according to this she _is more than willing to get her revenge on the Mayor_.

Terrible: Why not just have ze girl and Edvard marry?

Sylar: No….I need better than that….

Terrible: So who is ze lucky couple?

Sylar: …..Niki Sanders and Matt Parkman……knocking out two of Bennet's agents seems like a good choice…..

Terrible: Okay….I'll get on it.

Sylar: I want it done by this evening. I'll have the subject brought in immediately.

Sylar turns and walks out the door.

-Present Day-

Back at the library…

Peter: I can't check out any books!?

Clerk: No sir, you are on _Permanent Ban_.

Peter: Can I at least _borrow one_?

Clerk: -sigh-….

Peter's phone rings. He answers it in a hurry.

Peter (on the phone): Claire?

Mohinder: …uh…no.

Peter: Well, Mohinder, put Claire on.

Mohinder: She's not here.

Peter: Where is she?

Mohinder: How should I…nevermind. Where are the kids?

Peter: …uh…who?

Mohinder: Micah and Molly.

Peter: OH! Micah and Molly, they're right here!

Monica: I'm Monica. Just so you know….

Mohinder: Does Micah know….?

Peter: …I think. (To Micah) Micah…_have you met Monica_?

Micah: She's my cousin!

Mohinder (gritting): _About Niki and Matt's wedding_…?

Peter: Oh yes…Micah's thrilled.

Micah: I wouldn't put it exactly _like that_.

Mohinder: Keep Micah away from them. We think something bad is going to happen.

Peter: You can count on me. Petrelli out.

Mohinder: Whatever.

The next morning, Mohinder wakes up to Nathan standing over him.

Mohinder: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Nathan: What are you doing?

Mohinder: It's called sleeping!....Hey…How did you get in here?

Nathan: Peter always leaves a spare key taped to the front of the door.

Mohinder: And it's only a matter of time before we die…

Nathan: The wedding starts in 10 minutes! Get up!

Mohinder: Wh..Wh…WHAT!? 10 Minutes?

Mohinder hops out of bed and runs into the bathroom. After getting ready, the two of them head outside.

Mohinder: We'll never make it to the church!

Nathan: You know, you had like…2 days to talk them out of it.

Mohinder: Yeah….I didn't want to be anywhere near _that_.

Nathan: Ah….

Mohinder: Well…we better get a move on.

Mohinder tries to climb on Nathan's back.

Nathan: What the hell do you think you're doing?!

Mohinder: We'll never get there in time by cab. We have to fly there.

Nathan: No way! I'm not carrying people anymore. It kills my back.

Mohinder: We have to hurry. Come on.

Nathan: Ugh….

Mohinder (trying to balance): Okay….ONE…..TWO……THREE!

Nathan: ……

Mohinder: …..

Nathan: ….

Mohinder: Uh….are you going to go?

Nathan: Okay….Here goes.

Nathan takes off with Mohinder on his back….he doesn't get very far when he hits the ground again.

Mohinder: Okay, that's not working.

Nathan continues to slide along the pavement with Mohinder in tow.

Mohinder: YOU CAN STOP NOW!

Nathan: I can't….I'm stressed!

Mohinder: Ow!....Stop sliding…..My legs are starting to get road rash!

Nathan and Mohinder continue to scream while sliding down the street, good thing nobody is noticing that. Later, they finally reach the church.

Mohinder (his right pant leg torn to shreds): The paparazzi is here?!

Nathan: Well, of course…..oh wait.

Cameras start going off.

News Reporter: Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!

Nathan: CRAP! Run….

They take off running while being chased by the crowd.

In the church, Niki is continuing to get ready. She looks at her wedding dress in the mirror. When Nathan and Mohinder finally reach the vestibule, they split up to talk to the couple.

Nathan: Niki…there you are!

Niki stands up, turning to Nathan.

Nathan: You can't go through with…

Niki: I'm going through with it, Nathan…._and you can't stop me._

Nathan looks at her…a little confused.

Nathan: ….your voice sounds different.

Niki: What?

Nathan: …._Sally?_

Niki: Uh…

Nathan: Is that you?!......Since when can you shape shift……_you know how much I hate shape shifters!_

Niki: I don't know who _Sally is_….

Nathan: AHA! You said anything about her?

Niki: Uh…you just did.

Nathan: No I didn't.

Niki: Yes you did.

Nathan: No I didn't.

Niki: Yes….you did.

Nathan: No I…

Niki: SHUT UP! I'm marrying….uh….

Nathan: Matt?

Niki: Yeah! And you can't stop me.

She tries to run but Nathan blocks her. She slams a chair into Nathan's face which knocks him down.

Nathan: OW!....Damn, that's not her but she sure has her temper down….

Nathan chases after her.

At the front of the church, Matt is standing there, wearing a tuxedo.

Mohinder: Matt, come on! Snap out of it! You two _HATE_ each other…..What's with you?

Matt: Don't worry….it'll all become clear shortly.

Mohinder: This is pointless….what am I going to do?

Mohinder looks forward to find Niki walking quickly down the aisle while Nathan was walking quickly after her. He grabs the back of her dress which rips.

Niki: AHHH!

Nathan: Whoops!

Niki kicks Nathan in the shins and proceeds forward. Nathan runs up next to Mohinder.

Nathan: This isn't working….what are you doing just standing here?

Mohinder: I was trying to talk to Matt. Next time I'll just rip his clothes off…_since that's just doing wonders for you_.

Nathan: Shut up…..I have an idea.

Reverend: Dearly Beloved, we're gathered here for a wedding. _I now pronounce you…_

Mohinder: That was fast!

Nathan: WAIT! I HAVE AN INTERRUPTION!

Everyone gasps.

Nathan: I'm going to make my speech.

Nathan has no idea what to say….he steps forward quickly thinking of something when the door to the church kicks open. _Bridgett_, one of Sylar's lackeys, steps in, holding up a pistol.

Bridgett: I have an interruption as well…

She fires four shots into Nathan, who stumbles back, Mohinder catches him. The skylight above shatters as Sylar's assassin, ASSASSIN! Swoops down and gives Matt several slashes to the face and midsection. Niki, still possessed, turns and _runs down the aisle_ toward the door. Bursting outside, she is blinded by the flashes from the photographers. Niki starts feeling kinda weird, as she collapses on the ground. The faint image of a person flies up from her body, as one does the same for Matt.

Bridgett: Kill them all!

Suddenly, at the front of the church, _Ando and Hiro, who is dressed in his hospital attire_, appears out of nowhere and freezes time_. _

Ando: Wow…Matt and Niki….never would have guessed.

Hiro: Quick, Ando! We don't have much time.

Ando: I wished you would have stayed in bed.

Hiro: First, to get rid of these villains.

Hiro takes Bridgett and ASSASSIN! Somewhere not safe. He hops back.

Hiro: Go get Niki!

Ando runs over and drags the unconscious Niki across the church.

Ando: Is that everyone?

Hiro: Let's see, Parkman, Niki, Flying m…err…The Mayor….let's go.

Hiro conveniently teleports them out of there, time resumes as everyone in the church is wondering what the hell just happened?

Back at The Syndicate.

Sylar: ….

Terrible: ….they're both dead, sir.

Sylar: Hmm.

Terrible: Your assassin slashed up Parkman, which killed the spirit of Edward….which is ironic considering his power of having practically limitless age. And we did not abort the mission in the allotted time so the spirit of Sally here just disappeared….

Sylar: ….and where is everybody.

Terrible: According to my records, all of the agents and the mayor just…disappeared.

Sylar: …._Hiro_…….UGH!

Terrible: So….

Sylar: Stupid Samson's stupid idea…..where are ASSASSIN! And Bridget?

Terrible: Unknown…..probably tied to a rock on a snowy mountain….like he did with you.

Sylar: That's it! It's time for my final operation.

Terrible: Final…Operation, sir?

Sylar: Yes……They will not make it out alive after this…..

Terrible: What do you want us to do?

Sylar: Nothing yet….._I have to go visit my father_…..

Sylar turns and leaves.

Back at home, Peter is on the phone with Nathan.

Peter (talking): Well, I'm just relieved you're not dead. We really to get you some Kevlar or something, bro.

Nathan: That sounds great.

Peter: Well, take it easy, man…I'll talk to you later.

He hears someone come in. Peter walks out to find Niki, a bandaged up Matt, and Mohinder slowly trudge in.

Peter: Hey…..So, Niki…..how does it feel to be _Mrs. Parkman_…

Mohinder: Peter, don't!

Niki: What did you just say?

Peter: You're married to Matt, now!

Niki: I'M WHAT?!!?!?

Matt: Really, since when? Man, too many blows to the head.

Mohinder: Peter, I wasn't going to tell her….

Peter: Tell her what? That her and Matt are now newlyweds? I bought you an awesome toaster oven but since you're living here anyway I thought I'd go ahead and open it….Bagel Bites, anyone?

Niki: Mohinder, please tell me he's joking.

Mohinder: Well, I was able to figure out what happened…..Niki, while we were at the hospital you told me your last memory was of some woman who was a ghost trying to possess you.

Niki: Yeah, but that was just a dream…right?

Mohinder: Well no….after what happened then, and during, and Sylar's attack…..I'll start from the beginning.

We cut to the outside of Peter's apartment………….Niki screams……a huge flock of birds fly away.

Mohinder: And that's what happened…..I'm glad I was able to figure this all out, being so brilliant and all.

Niki: Well, that's fine…..I'll be back. I have to go use some mouth wash.

She grabs the jug of bleach from under the counter.

Mohinder: Come on….it's not like you two were making out or something…..well….at least I don't think you were.

Niki (in the bathroom): _-Gargle-…-Gargle-…-Gargle-…-Spit-_

Peter's phone rings…..

Peter: Hello?

Claire: PETER!

Peter: Claire! There you are, I'll been trying to get a hold of you all day. You had me very worried…..in fact _If I had some horn rimmed glasses on I'd scold you, young lady!_

Claire: Peter, shut up, we have a huge problem. I'm e-mailing you a link to YouTube….

Peter: Don't you mean…._FaceTube…or Myface…or _TubeBook….anything_! Think about the lawsuits…_

Claire: Watch this….

Peter hops on the computer, he sees a video of _Claire falling from the hospital and splatting against the ground, as well as the other clips of Peter and Claire using their powers_.

Peter: HOW DOES MUNROE KEEP GETTING THESE?.....Oh wait, that's what I wanted to tell you Claire, Munroe is dead!

Claire: No he's not!

Peter: Say what now?

Claire: He's alive, and he just posted this video and it has over a half a million hits. This is bad.

Peter: Actually, I saw his body, Claire, he was quite deceased.

Claire: Ugh, Peter. He fakes his death because he knew that you and Matt were coming to see him. If Matt thought he was dead he would try to read his mind or manipulate him.

Peter: But, wouldn't Matt be able to tell if he was faking?

Claire: Well, this is Matt, we're talking about. This is the guy who drove all the way to Kentucky because he thought that Niki was related to _Colonel Sanders_.

Matt (popping in): Actually, Niki does have an Uncle who is a Colonel…but it's not the one I was hoping for. Really disappointing….When I got to Kentucky and found out the he passed away, I went to his grave site and opened his tomb to find nothing but _Eleven Herbs and Spices and a giant pile of bone dust_.

Claire: GROSS!

Peter: Anyway…how did Munroe know about me and Matt coming to the hospital?

Claire: _He has your entire apartment bugged, Peter_. There are cameras everywhere! _He's been watching you this entire time_.

Peter: Disturbing….

Claire: Get everyone out of there! We have to find a way to stop this…

On a black and white screen, Peter is on the phone with Claire. He turns around and looks directly at the camera….which turns off.

_To Be Continued_.


	28. Mask

The Heroes Parody Project

Author's Note: Well, that was a nice hiatus (gets crap thrown at), let's finish the last few chapters.

_Disclaimer: The Heroes Parody Project a fan fiction based off of the show 'Heroes'. It is copyright NBC and Tim Kring, and I am not affiliated with any of the cast or crew. Reader Discretion is advised._

Matt and Peter carry in a birthday cake for Niki. Her, Mohinder, Micah and Molly are sitting at the table, singing.

Matt (singing): _Happy Birthday to Niki…_

Peter (singing): _Your breath is hot and sticky…_

Niki: WHAT?!

Matt (singing): _…and you look like one too!_

Peter (singing): _With Scooby Doo…on Channel Two…or something_.

Niki: Just give me the damn cake!

They set it down, it is covered with candles.

Niki: …._a lot of candles._

Matt: _50 Candles!_

Niki: I'm not _Fifty,_ you morons!

Matt: No, silly! It's not just about your birthday, it's to commemorate _our 50__th__ episode_!

Niki: What's the big deal? 50 episodes isn't that big of a milestone. Maybe 100…..or 200……hell, The Simpson's is almost to 500!

Peter: Can you imagine…._500 episodes of this show_…..

Micah and Molly exchange nervous looks….as well as Mohinder and Niki.

Peter: I can see it now……

_Previously…On the Twentieth Season Of Heroes_….

Matt and Peter (with grey hair) carry in a large birthday cake for Niki. Her, Mohinder (grey hair), Micah and Molly (in their early 30's) are sitting at the table, singing.

Matt (singing): _Happy Birthday to Niki…_

Peter (singing): _Your breath is hot and sticky…_

Niki: WHAT?!

Matt (singing): _…and you look like one too!_

Peter (singing): _With Scooby Doo…on Channel Two…or something_.

Niki: Just give me the damn cake!

They set it down, it is covered with candles.

Niki: …._a ton of candles._

Matt: _500 Candles!_

Niki: I'm not _Five Hundred,_ you morons!

Matt: No, silly! It's not just about your birthday, it's to commemorate _our 500__th__ episode_!

Niki: What's the big deal? 500 episodes isn't that big of a milestone. Maybe 1000…..or 2000……hell, The Simpson's is almost to….wait…..did we have this conversation before…

Micah: Yeah mom….._450 episodes ago_.

Niki: I think I'm going to be sick….

Matt (raising a glass): _To Heroes!_ Sylar is trying to kill us. Mohinder is still conducting research. Hiro is always going through an identity crisis…and Claire is trying to find herself. _Here's to the next 500 episodes!_

Niki: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

_Present Day_

Niki: -HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Peter: Calm down, Niki! The cake isn't that bad….(tries a bite)….ew! _This cake is really bad!_

Matt: How bad is it?

Peter: So bad it makes me want to recap what happened last week…._Previously on Heroes_…..

Niki and Matt get possessed by ghosts.

Niki: We're getting married!

Mohinder: WHAT!?

Angela: Nathan is going to be shot at this wedding. Only you can stop it.

Nathan: I have to be there. It's bad publicity if I don't.

Nathan and Mohinder show up, as do Sylar's goons. Hiro swoops in and saves the day.

Claire: I'm going undercover.

Claire gets busted, and kidnapped…then rescued…then kidnapped…

Jax: Get in there….bad things are about to happen.

Peter: Munroe is dead. I will get to the bottom of this mystery!

Claire: Peter! Munroe isn't dead. He faked his death so you wouldn't use Matt to manipulate him.

Peter: How does he know this?

Claire: Your apartment is bugged. And our powers are now posted on _YouTube_……

Peter: Not cool….

---

_Peter, Matt, Niki, and Mohinder  
The Sleazy Motel 5  
Housekeeping!_

The gang is sitting around watching the news about the release of the video of Claire healing herself.

Peter: Such shoddy production value.

Niki (panicking): How did this happen?!

Peter: It boggles my mind.

Mohinder: This is very bad indeed. Millions of people have viewed this. The government is going to find out and it's going to be '_Fugitives'_ all over again!

Peter: Aren't you people overreacting just a little bit? It's _YouTube!_ It could be fake as far as anybody's concerned.

Niki: People aren't going to worry about that Peter, it's going to send them into a frenzy.

Newswoman: The video has been released, now everybody wants to know 'Who is _the Cheerleader'_?

Niki: Very bad. So very bad.

Matt: How did they know she was a cheerleader?

Peter: Better question "_Why aren't I on the news?! I had an exposure video too!"_

Meanwhile, Elle was at the office playing with a Newton's Cradle. She pulls back one of the metal balls and lets go.

Elle: Click…Click….Click….Click….Click….Click….Click….Click….

Noah: ELLE!

Elle: AHHHHHH!

Elle slings the cradle out the window.

Someone outside: OW!

Elle: Mr. B! What are you doing here!?

Noah: Somebody released a video. Claire has been exposed!

Elle: I told her to stop wearing those tight Cheerleader outfits. Always bending over, all like "Oops! I dropped a pencil. Oops! I dropped my books. Oops! My pizza fell on the floor again!"

Noah: ………..

Elle: ….OH! _You meant her powers…_

Noah: OF COURSE I MEANT HER POWERS! I have worked years to prevent this type of thing from happening. My life's work is ruined.

Elle: Don't worry, sir. At least you have your family….and Mr. Biggles, or whatever that dog's name is.

Noah: Okay, don't panic. I got this under control.

Elle: Awaiting orders, sir.

Noah: Find everyone in the world and round them up into a giant room, one big enough to hold everyone comfortably.

Elle: Oh okay, you mean like _EARTH_!? You do realize how ridiculous that sounds, right?

Noah: I know….I don't even think The Haitian can wipe everybody's memory.

Elle: I know exactly what to do sir.

Noah: Okay, I can trust you?

Elle: Of course.

Noah: Allright, I don't recall you doing anything right up to this point….

Elle: HEY!

Noah (leaving): But you're the only one who can save my family…….

Elle: Thank you, sir.

Noah: ….at least until you screw up. Then I'll jump back in. (Closes the door)

Elle: _Would it kill you to keep those comments to yourself? Sheesh!_

Elle gets back to work, her desk reads:

_Chapter Twenty Eight "Mask"_

Elle: Good lord, my desk is messy.

She blows off all the dust, papers, and the chapter title.

= = = _Eclipse Time! Duh..duh..duh..duh…duh..duh..duh…Can't touch this! HEROES = = =_

Claire is running up some steps to the sleazy motel. She bangs on the door. Matt answers it.

Matt: Hello.

Claire: Matt! It's good to see you.

Matt: ….do….I know you?

Claire: ….it's me…Claire?

Matt: Hmm….you don't look like Claire.

Claire: Huh!?

She notices her hair is still dyed black from the jewel heist mission with Sylar a few chapters earlier.

Claire: Crap…..Matt, let me in. It's me.

Matt: I need proof.

Claire: What would you like? Driver's License, me to cut myself, or a mind read?

Matt: Hmm….do I have to choose just one?

Niki: Matt! What are you doing?

Matt: Oh, hey Niki. Just talking to someone saying that they're Claire. But I don't buy it.

Niki: Ugh, move it. (Shoves him aside). Uh….Claire?....Black hair?.....

Claire: Long story. Where's Peter?

Niki: He's pissed that your video is getting all the attention and his isn't.

Claire: Oh boy.

Peter: Claire! There you are….Hmm…You look different. .I see you stopped wearing glasses. It's a better look for you.

Claire: Peter, I've never worn glasses in my life…it's the hair.

Peter: Ah.

Claire: I managed to find you guys. We have to stop this from spreading any longer.

Niki: How did you manage to find us at the hotel?

Claire: Well, I didn't tell Peter but he apparently has a tracking device on him.

Peter: I do?

Claire: Yes….it's installed….in you.

Peter: Where?

Claire: Well……your….um…._hind quarters._

Peter: What?

Claire: You know….back….there? Trying not to dwell on it.

Peter: I'm not following….

Niki: There's a tracking device on your butt, Peter! God, stop being so clueless!

Peter: WHAT!? How did that…..(looks behind him)

Claire: Don't try to look for it….ugh……

Peter: Hmm….now that you mention it. There was that one day at the hospital.

Peter walks over to sit at his desk. A tiny mechanical object is placed on the seat. He sits down on it.

Peter: AHHH! _Something bit me!_.....That smarts…..stupid…chair….bugs….

Peter: That explains so much.

Niki: No it doesn't! So this Munroe guy is tracking him?

Claire: Yes….I was at his house.

Niki: Why?

Claire: I was kidnapped….then rescued….the kidnapped….then rescued again. I was sent by Sylar's assistant and….Claude?

Niki: The last clone from the '_Remnants'_ storyline….

Claire: Oh, I guess everybody knows about that now.

Niki: Why did they show you this?

Claire: To try to stop my exposure in time….but it didn't help.

Peter: Don't worry; _just leave everything to uncle Peter_.

Claire: Those six words never lead to anything good.

Peter leaves for a second and then emerges with what looks like a costume.

Niki: What the hell is that!?!

Peter: Claire, it's time to change into our costumes…._and show the world what we're really made of_.

Niki and Claire exchange nervous looks. Mohinder is in the bathroom so Matt has to exchange nervous looks with Nicole Kidman who is on the cover of TV Guide.

Matt: I don't like the looks of this, Miss Kidman.

Niki: Oh shut up!

_Noah and Angela  
Pinhead's Bowling Alley  
STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERIKE! _(wait, that's baseball….oh well, it still counts)

Noah: A bowling alley?

Angela: It's my new favorite sport. Quite liberating, actually.

Noah: I'm sure you heard the news.

Angela: About Ugly Betty getting cancelled? I know…..it hurts.

Noah: Uh…no. I was talking about Claire.

Angela: Oh that.

Noah: "_Oh that?"_….You're acting pretty calm about this. Millions of people have seen the video. What will they think? There will be witch hunts!

Angela: They're just special effects, Noah. That's all we have to tell them. It's 2010, a lot can be accomplished on a computer nowadays. Take that new movie that just came out with all the jumping and special effects.

Noah: _Avatar?_

Angela: What?....No…._The Matrix_.

Noah: Th…The Matrix?! That movie came out over 10 years ago! _When was the last time you've been to the theater?!_

Angela: It's been a while, Noah……Though I really liked that Matrix movie….I hope they do a sequel.

Noah:_ There've been two!!_

Angela: Really?....Huh….

Noah: Anyway…I shouldn't worry, you're right…..I mean….nobody saw her _in person_.

Angela: It's not like she's running around, saving people. That would be silly. Grab a ball.

Noah: I don't like to bowl…..

Angela pulls a gun out of her bowling bag and points it in Noah's face.

Angela: Grab….a ball.

Noah: ….but a suppose a frame or two won't kill me…..(_psycho)_

Angela: I heard that!

Meanwhile, Peter and Claire emerge onto the streets, in their tights. For they are _super heroes_…

Peter: I even made a new sign for the episode title.

Peter holds up a dry erase board with this written on it:

_Chapter Twenty Eight "Mask"_

Peter: Now for the title screen. _Roll that beautiful bean footage_….

= = =_ As the world turns, there is the weekly eclipse, Super Heroes = = =_

Peter: Fantastic!

Niki: Oh no…no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no……I don't think so.

Peter: What now?

Niki: First off! BAD IDEA! Second, you guys in the _tights_, already been done during '_Remnants'_. Is this really the plot of this week's episode?

Peter: Actually Niki, this is not a bad idea…it's the opposite of that….so it's a good idea.

Niki: Wow, didn't see that coming.

Peter: And this has been done before during that volume but that was a dream…..

Niki: This is a nightmare.

Peter: You're just so witty, aren't you?

Niki: Yes.

Peter: Okay then.

Niki: Fine.

Peter: Great.

Niki: Wonderful.

Peter: Superb!

Niki: Go have your fun.

Peter: I will.

Niki: Go!

Peter: Make me.

Niki: Huh?

Peter: Oh wait….I'm going…..don't stop us.

Niki: I won't.

Peter: Good.

Niki: Good.

Peter: Great.

Niki: Not stopping you.

Peter: Glad to hear it.

Niki: I'm going back inside now.

Peter: Do it.

(Door slams)

Peter: Oh yeah….

……..

……..

Peter: …..well….GOOD THEN!

Claire: ….what are we doing?

Peter: Okay, we need code names. I will be '_Captain Peter the Magnificent'_ who can…..uh

Claire: Yeah, _what is your power anyway?_

Peter: I can take other people's powers….by touching them…..but I can only hold one at a time so….

Claire: Since when?

Peter: For a while….just never utilized it until now.

Claire: So, when we're in trouble. You grab my arm and then _we can both heal ourselves!_

Peter: Right!

Claire: What is this going to accomplish?

Peter: To show the world that we aren't afraid anymore. Come….uh…..your name should be….._Claire…Bear…Bear_

Claire: WHAT!?

Peter: I don't know. Something super-ish…..since you have grown up into the mature young woman today. What's the name of a bear that has matured?

Claire: _A bear_......You're referring to a cub.

Peter: 'Claire Cub' sounds stupid.

Claire: That's not what I said….

Peter: I know…how about…..Band-Aid girl….who….heals….from…cuts….and….bruises….and….death…

Claire: That name sucks!

Peter: Come, _Band-Aid Girl!_ The world is hurt….and it's our job to band-aid it up.

Claire: Why did I agree to this?!

At Nathan's office….Nathan has just been released from the hospital after his gunshot wound from Niki's fake wedding in the last episode. He is sorting through some papers when his secretary runs in.

Secretary: Sir! We have a huge problem! There's a massive crowd wanting to speak with you!

Nathan: About what?

Secretary: About the girl on the news! You know….the one who can heal herself.

Nathan: UH….What did you just say?

Secretary: There is this girl who can heal from her wounds. It's posted on YouTube….now the press wants to talk to you.

Nathan: I didn't create the internet! Why me?

Secretary: They want to know if you'll talk to her. But there is so many reporters.

Nathan: I'll take care of this…._cause I'm the mayor_….

Nathan puts on his top hat…which a gust of wind blows it off of his head and out the window.

Nathan: Well, there goes my confidence…..no…I can do this.

Nathan walks out, there are camera flashes and reporters squawking.

Nathan: People….people…..I have come to address your questions. Let me, the mayor, ease your minds.

Reporter: What's with the healing chick?

Nathan: Beats me. BYE!

Secretary: Sir!

Nathan: Ugh…..I have been notified of the matter. But not to worry….there is an explanation. Because stuff like that doesn't exist….it's all just special effects.

Reporter: There are rumors going around that the girl is your daughter! Since you two have the same nose and all.

The reporters gasp.

Nathan (feeling his nose): …….This meeting is over…..there will be complimentary donuts in the foyer….that is all!

Nathan throws something on the ground as he gets covered in smoke. Choking and hacking, he makes his way back to his office. He hops on the phone. Back at the bowling alley, Noah is about to throw his ball down the lane. He gets ready, and goes for it.

Angela: MISS!!!!!!

Noah: AHH!

Noah hurls his ball to the left across 5 other lanes. A waitress comes up to Angela.

Angela: Yes…_Miss_….my phone appears to be ringing. Could you be a dear and fetch it for me?

Waitress: Sure!

The waitress picks up Angela phone _which was sitting on her lap_, and hands it to her.

Angela: Thank you, dear…….Oh, Noah….you missed, I'm going to have to count that as ANOTHER gutter ball….butterfingers….

Noah: GRRR!

Angela (Answering her phone): Hello Nathan…_this is your mother speaking_.

Nathan: I know! _WHAT THE STEAMING HELL IS GOING ON!?_

Angela: I'm winning by 50 pins!

Nathan: Not that! First I hear Claire is on the news for having regenerative powers….then somehow people are accusing her of being my daughter.

Angela: I hate to break it to you Nathan…_but both of those allegations are true._

Nathan: I know that!....Why am I being bugged by the press?

Angela: Because you're the mayor….now come down here and join us for some bowling.

Nathan: I don't like bowling.

Nathan looks up to see his secretary holding a gun in Nathan's face.

Angela: I said….come join us for some bowling.

Nathan: Oh geez.

Super Peter and Claire are walking down the street, people are staring at them.

Claire: Since now that I've been exposed….why not go that extra mile?

Peter: That's the spirit.

Claire: Ugh…it took forever to wash the black dye from my hair.

Peter: OH NO!

Claire: What?

Peter: There's a cat in that tree!

Claire: Let the fire department get it.

Peter: That's not very hero-like…..Claire.

Old Woman: My cat is stuck in that tree! Someone help.

Claire: You know, I have to say that of all the clichéd things….I have never seen a cat stuck in a tree in my entire life.

Old Woman: HELP!

Peter: Okay, calm down……We're here to help. Claire, get up there!

Claire: What?! Why me?

Peter: Because…..you're smaller than me. You can work your way through those limbs….

Claire: But you're a guy! Guys climb trees and stuff.

Peter: They do?

Claire: Yeah….sure….

Peter: Well, okay…..

5 minutes later.

Peter: HELP! I'm stuck in the tree!

Claire: You've got to be kidding me. Grab the stupid cat and jump down.

Peter: No! It's mean….it scratched me. Oh wait…I healed from it…ha ha….

Claire: Ugh….Peter, I don't have all day for this. Don't make me come up there.

Peter: Like you could….

Claire: What's that supposed to mean?

Peter: I mean…you didn't before. Because you're a chicken.

Claire: A what?

Peter: A….chicken.

Claire: Oh, that's it.

Claire starts making her way up the tree, she plops next to Peter on a large branch.

Claire: Where's the cat?

Peter: A dog came along…must have ran back inside.

Claire: What?! Why are we up here then?

Peter: Enjoying the view.

Claire: How sturdy is this branch?

Peter: I…

The branch snaps, Claire and Peter scream as they fall to the ground.

Peter: My arm! It's broken.

Claire: I broke my arm too!

Peter: Oh man….this smarts…..hurry band-aid girl…

Claire: What? You have my power…just….pop it back into place.

Peter: EW! That's so gross!

Claire: Do you want to have a broken arm. Here help me with mine…..just grab on to….

Peter grabs on to her arm.

Claire: Peter, don't that's…

SNAP!

Claire: ARGH! You broke my arm!

Peter: I thought it was broken.

Claire: You broke the other one! Now both my arms are broke! I hope you're happy.

Peter: I am…a little…

Claire: Why you….

Claire slams her foot downward toward Peter's lower leg.

SNAP!

Peter: AAAAHHHH! Oh….the agony…my leg……

Claire: That's what you get.

Peter swoops his leg, making Claire trip and fall face first onto the pavement.

Claire: OW! MY NOSE!.....Okay, this is getting old.

Peter: I agree.

Claire: We should probably call Niki now.

Peter: Yes.

Back at the motel. Niki and Mohinder are popping Claire and Peter's bones back in place. Matt is watching.

Matt: Ewwww…..

Niki: So all this work for a '_super hero'_ theme and you go on _one mission_…and fail….and break all your bones……wow.

Peter: (grumbling)

Niki: Shut up, Peter….I will rebreak your bones.

Peter: Mouth is shut.

Claire: I learned something today.

Peter: What's that _band-aid girl?_

Claire: Don't call me that.

Peter: Sorry.

Claire: I learned that when there's a huge crises in town….don't go run off and do something else.

Mohinder: That's it?

Claire: Pretty much.

Niki: Well, now we need to figure out what to do about the exposure.

Claire's phone rings. She gets up and answers it.

Claire (on phone): Hello?

Elle (on phone, driving): Claire! It's Elle….your dad's in trouble!

Claire: What?

Elle: He tried to go after someone who he thought released the video and got captured. Now he's not going to….make it.

Claire: I'm at the motel 5 with Peter and the others. Meet me here.

Elle: I'll meet you outside. Hurry Claire!

Claire: I gotta go.

Niki: Don't you think we should go with you?

Claire: No…Elle and I will take care of it.

Claire leaves the room and gets downstairs. She runs out into the street as an oncoming car is headed towards her.

Peter (running out into the street): Claire! Watch out!

_Peter runs out, an oncoming bus is about to hit him_. Suddenly, something grabs Peter's shirt and whisks him out of the street. Peter looks around, but no one is there. Meanwhile, Claire gets slammed by the car, she flops over the top and lands behind it, bones rebroken, covered in blood.

Elle: Cameraman! Over here!

A camera rushes over to the scene

Elle: This is reporter Elle Bishop….reporting….a report. I'm here with Claire Bennet, The so called girl who can 'heal'. My guys have been tracking her since the video leaked and we now have video evidence that Claire has no such ability and she faked the whole thing. I have personally ran her over with my Ford Expedition and she looks pretty dead to me. So I end this report saying that Claire Bennet is just like one of us…..a normal human. This is Elle Bishop reporting…and good night.

Elle looks down at Claire who isn't getting back up. She looks over at her cameraman, _The Haitian_.

Elle: See…I'm smarter than a lot of people give me credit for.

At the court house….

Judge: And on counts for running over the victim, Claire Bennett, I sentence you, Eleanor Jane Bullwinkle Jagermeister Bishop, to LIFE!

Elle: Board game or Cereal?.....Cause I like them both.

Judge: Uh…prison?

Elle: Ah CRAP!...Come on, Claire's not dead. Didn't you hear?…she can heal from her wounds!

Judge: Not after your contradictive report. Everyone in the world now thinks otherwise. Take her away. And put her in the same cell as _The Hamburglar._

Elle: But he'll steal all my hamburgers!

Hamburglar: _ROBBLE! ROBBLE!_

Elle: Shut your face!

Back at the bowling alley.

Nathan: Why do I have to bowl? I'm still weak from being shot and all.

Angela: Anyway…..ah look….you're associates did good.

Noah (sitting next to her) looks at the tv as the news spreads that the 'healing girl's' power was faked. Then it shows Claire getting creamed by Elle's car.

Guy: I knew that video was a fake!

Noah: Hmm….that's nice. I have to go yell at someone.

News Reported: The driver of the car…and oddly enough, the reporter who showed the world the truth about Claire, was arrested for vehicular manslaughter. She'll be in there for life….or until her boss finds a way to get her out.

Noah: …which can wait until Monday. (Plops back down in his seat).

Nathan tries to hurl the ball across the lane. It makes a loud crashing noise.

Angela: Oh, for crying out loud….don't any of you people play sports…..I swear.

Noah's phone buzzes. He opens it.

-Incoming Video Message-

Noah looks puzzled at the following video: _Micah, Molly, Ando, an unconscious Hiro, and Sandra are trapped on an elevator_. The text below reads:

'_Congratulations for stopping the exposure, Bennett. Bring me both Peter and your daughter. Or I cut the cable.'_

Noah closes his phone.

Nathan: YES! Strike!

Woman: That was my lane…thanks!

Nathan: SON OF A….

_To Be Continued_….

---

_Two episodes left, and hopefully no more hiatuses. _

Sylar pays his father a visit.

Sylar: You knew the wedding operation would fail….why did you suggest it to me?

Samson (holding up a box): Bon Bon?

Sylar: I'd love one!

---

Claire and Peter enter a room.

Munroe: Peter, it's good to see you. It's been ages.

Peter: Puh-tuh!

Munroe: What was that?

Claire: Yeah…what was that?

Peter: I was trying to spit….my mouth is dry…..can I get some water?

---

A elevator cable snaps, shaking the elevator.

Sandra: Noah, I'm scared!

Noah: Don't worry, I'll get you out of there.

Sandra: No, I meant Muggles! I left him all alone at home with Lyle! Who knows what crazy parties they're having!

Noah: Seriously?

---

A hand clasps over Monica's mouth and pulls her away.

The elevator car shakes violently.

Elle and Peter are both shooting electricity.

Sylar runs down a hallway in a panic.

Mohinder topples over the edge of a building, Matt lunges and grabs his arm.

Munroe screams at his computer.

An invisible Claude, walking down the hall, fades into view.

Exploding flames rush through a hallway.

Noah has a gun pointed at Angela.

Noah: I'm sorry….I have to do this.

Angela: ….Do you HAVE to?

Noah: Yes.

Angela: Really?

Noah: YES!

Angela: …….really?

Noah: Yes, dammit….

Angela: Fine….go ahead.

Noah: ……….

He pulls the trigger.

_The final two episodes coming very soon._


	29. 29

The Heroes Parody Project

Author's Note: Nothing special to report this time.

_Disclaimer: The Heroes Parody Project a fan fiction based off of the show 'Heroes'. It is copyright NBC and Tim Kring, and I am not affiliated with any of the cast or crew. Reader Discretion is advised._

Niki runs to the front door as someone is knocking on it.

Claire: Hey! Niki….thanks for inviting me over for _Girls Movie Night_.

Niki: No problem….I have to hang around Peter, Mohinder, and Matt all the time so a little break is nice….come on, the movie is about to start.

Niki and Claire head into the bedroom where Peter is digging into the popcorn.

Niki: WHAT THE!? Peter….you're not invited to our girl's night! Now _SHOO!_

Peter: Oh, come on! I want to watch the movie too!

Niki: It's a _Lifetime_ movie……I like it because the man is a villain….

Claire: That's every Lifetime movie!

Peter: I'll be good! Promise….

Niki: Ugh….fine….just don't eat all the popcorn.

Niki puts in the tape…..

Claire: It's not a dvd?

Niki: Nope….I'm not '_with it'_…..

Claire: Well, that's okay I guess.

The movie begins to play….before cutting to….

_Where's Waldo: The Movie_….

Peter: Awesome….

Claire: I'm lost already….

Niki (pissed): ….._MATT!!!_

_With James Woods as…The guy who knew where Waldo was_.

James Woods: _He's over there!_

Waldo waves.

THE END

Niki (writing Matt's eulogy): _Matt was a good man…though very stupid. He met his end at a young age because I bludgeoned him to death with a…_

Niki looks around.

Niki: Peter….hand me something _blunt-y_.

Peter hands her a bowling pin.

Niki (writing): _…with a bowling pin. Thanks for coming. Refreshments will be made available in the dining hall with musical guest…_

Niki thinks…

Peter (whispering): ...._Taylor Swift_.

Niki: …ugh….fine….._with musical guest, Taylor Swift._

Peter: Sweet…

Niki: That will do nicely. Well, I'm off…..

Niki grabs the bowling pin and heads to Matt's room.

Claire and Peter listen from the bedroom.

Matt: Oh, hey Niki! What are you going to do with that bowling pin? AHHH! Help! I'm being bludgeoned to death!....._You better have Taylor Swift perform at my wake…_EEK! OW!

Claire looks at Peter.

Peter: I'm telling you, I can read the guy like a book.

Matt: _Previously on Heroes_….OW! OOF! OWW!

The video of Claire healing after her fall from the hospital roof is seen by millions of YouTube viewers. There was also a video of Peter, but nobody cared about that one.

Peter: HEY!

Jax (talking to a kidnapped Claire): You have to get in there and stop this. Something bad is going to happen.

Claire (to Peter): Your place is bugged! Munroe isn't dead! Get out of there.

Niki (and others at the sleazy motel): How did this happen?!

Peter: Don't worry, I got this all under control.

Peter and Claire emerge, dressed in tights, totally ripping off a storyline from the 'Remnants' arc.

Peter: That was a dream, I told you!

Noah: Something needs to be done.

Elle: Leave everything to me.

Elle mows down Claire in the street, The Haitian was filming the scene, proving Claire doesn't have abilities. She now has to be punished for her crime.

The Queen Of Hearts: OFF WITH HER HEAD!

Elle: Wait, she wasn't here last time!

Peter: I'll save you Claire!

Peter (about to get mowed down by a bus) gets pulled out of the way of the oncoming bus. He fails to see who rescued him.

Hiro pops in to disrupt the fake Niki/Matt wedding, teleporting everyone out of there. He is back in the hospital, in a weakened state.

Noah opens his phone to find a video of Micah, Monica, Ando, Hiro (passed out), and Sandra trapped in an elevator.

Noah, after watching the video on his phone, gets up and walks out of the bowling alley.

-_A few hours ago-_

Micah and Monica are making their way into the hospital.

Monica: I'm glad you could tag along, Micah.

Micah: It's the weekend. I could use a break.

The two of them board the elevator, Monica hits the 'up' button. Micah looks up above the door where there a digital reading of what floor they are on:

_Chapter Twenty Nine "29"_

Micah: How original.

Up in Hiro's room, he gets a visitor.

Sandra: Hello! Hello!

Ando: Mrs. Bennet?

Sandra: Hello all, I just wanted to stop by.

Hiro: Did you come to visit me? That's so nice.

Sandra: No, I was going to visit Nathan, but he already checked out.

Hiro: Oh.

Sandra: But I bought a gift!

Hiro: For me?

Sandra: No, it's for Muggles. It's a jewel encrusted collar. I got it in the gift shop.

Hiro: Oh.

Sandra: Well, bye.

She walks off.

Ando: Why did she even come in here?

Hiro: I…don't know.

Hiro notices she left her gift bag on the counter.

Hiro: Mrs. Bennet! You forgot your….

Hiro hops out of bed and grabs the bag.

Ando: Hiro, what are you doing?

Sandra is waiting at the elevator, which opens, Monica and Micah are standing there. Sandra makes her way in, followed by Hiro and Ando, the door closes.

Monica: Well, hey guys….we were supposed to come visit you. But I guess this will work too.

The electricity shuts off.

Monica: Oh figures!

Hiro: Mrs. Bennet forgot her gift.

Sandra: Oh, I did! I can't believe that….Mr. Muggles would be so mad, he would never talk to me again!

Monica (whispering to Micah): Just so we're clear…_that is the dog, right?_

Micah: That is correct.

Monica: Just making sure.

Micah: Well, no worries…I can get things up and running again.

Micah is about to put his hand on the console…

Voice: I wouldn't recommend that, Mr. Sanders.

Micah slowly turns to look up at a camera in the elevator. The screen showing Micah is being watched by Munroe.

Hiro passes out.

Ando: OH COME ON! Seriously?!

= = = The world's gonna turn, the world's gonna turn, nobody turns…like the world turns….I don't know….HEROES! = = =

Noah Bennet is still in his office, he gets on the phone and dials Peter's number.

Meanwhile, still at the sleazy motel.

Peter (answering): Helloo?

Noah: Peter, it's Noah. I need you to do something for me.

Peter: Wash your car again?

Noah: NO! NO!....No…please god….it's clean…it will never get dirty again.

Peter is sitting on top of Bennet's car in his swimsuit, holding a cheeseburger.

Peter: Okay, hit it!

Matt, who is assisting, turns on the water hose. The blast, which shoots Peter square in the face, flops him backwards, crushing through the windshield rear end first. Accidentally flinging his burger in the air.

Peter: OW!....AHH! MY CHEESEBURGER!

Noah, who has been standing off on the side watching the spectacle, gets plopped in the face with the cheeseburger.

Peter: I'm stuck….

Matt: Just like Winnie The Pooh in the honey tree….at least it's not me this time.

Noah: No….we are making our move on Munroe, we know his location.

Peter: How did you figure that out?

Noah: That doesn't matter. Get the group over here….and hide Claire. I don't want her involved in any of this mess anymore.

Peter: Where am I supposed to hide her?

Noah: I don't care, just get it done!

He slams the phone down….shortly before realizing it's a flip phone…..in which he closes sucking out any tension or drama from that last scene.

Noah: Whatever!

Peter: Hmm….Matt!

Matt: Sup?

Peter: We need to hide Claire somewhere safe….it looks like Bennet wants us on another mission.

Matt: Leave everything to me….

-_5 minutes later-_

Niki: YOU DID WHAT!?

Matt: Peter wanted me to hide Claire…aaaand I kinda misunderstood him…aaaand I kinda sorta…._locked Claire into her own nightmare_.

Niki: Oh, I am ever so pissed!....Well, wake her up!

Matt: I can't! It'll kill her……I think.

Niki: Fantastic……Now what?

Matt: All she has to do is figure her way out of the nightmare and learn a valuable lesson….those are the stipulations of getting out of one of my nightmares.

Niki: UGH!

Meanwhile, at the school, Samson Gray is looking over some notes. It is the weekend and nobody is there. Except for someone knocking on the door to his office.

Samson: Must be the cleaning crew. Come in……Wait, I don't have a cleaning crew, I make the kids in detention clean up. What the?

Samson stands up to Sylar, who enters his office and sits down.

Samson: Hello, Gabriel….

Sylar: Hello.

Samson: Allow me to put on some music to coincide with the dramatic tension of our confrontation.

Samson walks over to his record player and drops the needle onto the record:

_Do your ears hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow?_....

Samson lobs his record player across the room.

Sylar: …..

Samson: Forget it, I'll do it myself. Please….begin.

Sylar: Okay….I came to see you…

Samson: _Duhn! Duhn!....Dooooo….Deeee…Doooooo….Dooooooooo…Dummmmmm_

Sylar: Please stop that.

Samson: Sorry.

Sylar: Why were you so adamant to suggest to me the plot to marry off those two idiots?

Samson: I already told you…it was the only way to lure out the Mayor, was it not?

Sylar: It was, though I was skeptical about your help. You see….._Hiro Nakamura_ swooped in to save the day. Neither the mayor, Niki, Matt, or anyone else was killed.

Samson: Hmm….Hiro…..who is that?

Sylar: The time traveler.

Samson: Never heard of him.

Sylar: _He's on your payroll!_

Samson: Oh….him…..

Sylar: You don't act too surprised that he showed up….seeing as how you told him.

Samson: I told Hiro to stop the wedding I suggest you set up? That doesn't make any sense.

Sylar: It does when it all revolves around your quest for _retribution_. Retribution against me for leaving you to die and not sharing any of my healy cheerleadery powers with you.

Samson: You can heal _and cheerlead?_

Sylar: That's not what I meant!

Samson: Ah…

Sylar: The wedding, the mall, the jewel heist, every job I have done has been a complete failure.

Samson: I'm pretty sure the failed heist was your and Claire's fault…maybe I'm mistaken.

Sylar: However, all these failures are connected. I don't know where it's going to lead you, but I know where it began.

Samson: And where is that?

Sylar leans in closer.

Sylar: _Your predecessor_.

Samson: Stiles?

Sylar: Yes. After leaving you for dead, you wanted to get back to me. Your doctor pal, Munro was more than able to accomplish this ironically with the same blood that I once had, why else would he know to shoot Claire Bennet, making her fall against his car, spilling some of her blood. When you learned that Stiles was in prison for extortion, you made him a deal to get him out if he could pull some strings and get you the new job as principal. Though that is kinda odd in itself seeing as how the school board would hop on hiring a principal for a junior high who was a out of work taxidermist based upon a recommendation from the previous Principal who _just went to jail_. But semantics aside….

Samson, bored, rips open some bon bons.

Sylar: I'll take one.

Samson: No.

Sylar: WHAT!? You're supposed to offer me one, it was in the preview of the last episode.

Samson: Well, keep talking your nonsense, and we'll see.

Sylar: Anyway….once Stiles was able to get you the job, you befriended Micah…so you can get closer to Molly, and find out where the hideout for the Syndicate was. And here we are today, you sending me on wild goose chases….for what reason, I don't know.

Samson: I thought you said it was _retribution?_

Sylar: Yes….that….well, not anymore. Your plan stops here! Good day.

Sylar storms out of the office, then peeks his head in.

Sylar: Can I have that bon bon, now?

Samson: I ate them all…ha ha!

Sylar: GRR!

He slams the door shut.

Sylar (his shouting fading off): _Why even bother having previews for the next episode when you aren't even going to stick with them. ARGH!_

Samson: Bleh….I forgot…I don't even like bon bons.

Sylar: THAT MAKES IT WORSE!

Samson goes back to his work, a loud noise is heard.

Samson: Huh?

Samson gets up and tries to open the door, but a large filing cabinet is blocking the outside.

Samson: Doors that open from the outside…that's idiotic.

Suddenly, smoke starts seeping through the bottom of the door.

Samson: Oh dear.

Outside…Sylar, and his lackey, Tiny, watch as the school burns to the ground. They both leave.

Back in the elevator. Monica and Micah are playing tic tac toe with her lipstick.

Monica: So we're stuck.

Micah: Yup…..aren't we wasting your lipstick.

Monica: Nah, I never wear it. I just keep it for emergencies….

Micah: Uh….riiight…..

Monica: So, what's stopping you from firing up the elevator again.

Micah: It has 10 stacked failsafe devises, if any one of them are altered in any way, it will detonate a mechanism that will cut the elevator cable.

Monica: Can't we use our phones?

Micah: There's no signal in the hospital…I can get a signal but we're being watched….if we're caught, Munroe will cut us loose.

Monica: That sucks!

Sandra: My poor…poor Muggles, all alone….if I miss another NCIS rerun, he'll never forgive me.

Monica: …._she is still talking about the dog, right?_

Micah: You already asked me that.

Monica: I know….I just can't tell sometimes.

Ando smacks Hiro in the face a few times….

Ando: No luck.

Micah: I can't believe he would pass out like that.

Ando: I can….if Hiro can actually use his powers freely with any trouble, the entire series would be done with one episode. What's the fun in that?

Micah: Good point.

Claire wakes up….she looks around.

Claire: Where…where am I?

She tries to walk around a bit….it looks similar to a grocery story…but this place has _low, low, prices_.

Claire: Oh crap! _Wal-Mart!_.....Dammit! Did Parkman trap me in a nightmare……but why here? What's so scary about….

Behind her…in the camping and sporting goods department…_Sylar pops his head out of a tent_.

Sylar: Claire! Hey, buddy! Come on in. Got some hot dogs burnin on the grill.

Claire: ….are….you…FREAKING KIDDING ME!?

Sylar: Oh fine, bring some marshmallows….hmm….I probably shouldn't have this fire going on _inside the tent_.

Claire: I wonder if I buy a gun if it'll carry over back to the real world…..eh…worth a shot.

Meanwhile….

Noah: Okay group.

Peter, Niki, Mohinder, and Matt are in the briefing room.

Noah: Thank you all for coming.

Niki: You made us come here.

Noah: Anyway….we need you all to get to the hospital and stop Munroe. He has Hiro, Ando, Sandra, Micah, and Monica trapped in an elevator.

Niki: WHAT?! Micah's up there?

Noah: Yes, so timing is very important if we want to get my wife, your son and niece out in one piece…..oh, and Hiro and Ando too.

Peter: I would like to say something.

Noah: Ugh…what is it, Peter?

Peter: Somebody took my burrito out of the fridge. It had chicken, steak, rice, beans, cheese, jalapenos, salsa, and guacamole. I know it had to be one of you three…._Mohinder_.

Mohinder: For the last time, Peter. I didn't eat your lunch.

Peter: I'll get to the bottom of this case…..I will find out who the culprit is. I'm just cool like that.

Noah: Can we get on with it?

Peter: Fine….but whoever ate my burrito, _I want it back!_

Matt: Uh….how would that work?

Niki: I'm for moving on.

Peter: I bet you would like to move on…_Mohinder._

Mohinder: I didn't say anything….nor did I eat your stupid burrito.

Peter: Uh huh….

Noah: MOVING…ON…..

Noah shifts through some papers…

Noah: First thing's first….Where's Claire?

Peter: I thought you didn't want me to bring her! Jeez! Make up your mind already!

Noah: ….Niki?

Niki: She's safe….._at my sisters_.

Noah: Wha….uh…huh…what?....Sister's?

Matt: OH MY GOD! JESSICA! AHHH!

Matt tries to jump out the window but…

Matt: Hey, _this window's painted on! _What gives?

Noah: More cost effective with you around.

Matt: You're learning!

Niki: Yes, my sister _Tracy_ is in town. We're keeping her there for a while.

Noah: …….

Mohinder: ….

Matt: …..

Niki: ….what?

Noah: So….guess she's in the show now?....Good for her.

Niki: Well, it took her long enough to gain enough trust to come back after _Matt tricked her into morphing into a snow cone and eating her!_

Matt: The defense rests, your honor…._it was a very good snow cone_.

Mohinder: I'm lost….

Peter (raising his hand): QUESTION!

Noah: What is it this time, Peter?

Peter: I just wanted to inform you all that I have to wrapper the burrito was in….I want it analyzed for prints. To the urology lab!

Noah: NOBODY IS TAKING PRINTS OF ANYTHING…..Back to the mission. I….

Matt: I have a question!

Noah flings his papers in the air.

Noah: By all means! Share it! We have all the time in the world!!

Matt: I believe that Peter has the legal right to find out who took the burrito. We can't set this aside.

Peter: Thanks, man.

Matt: I'm behind you 100 percent on this! We'll find that fiend.

Niki: I took it, now will you all shut up?

Peter: Mohinder, you don't have to fess up just yet….or do you?

Mohinder: I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!

Noah (slamming his fist): SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

Everyone: ….

Noah: Thank you…......These are the schematics for the hospital. Munroe's office is on the top floor. Get there, bring him back….ALIVE.

Everyone: _AWWWW!_

Noah (pulling out some dvds): We need information out of him. I'm a little rusty on the torturing skills so I have plenty of shows to brush up on like _24, Prison Break, and…Antiques Roadshow?!_

Everyone looks at Mohinder.

Mohinder: What?....It's educational.

Peter: Yes, the perfect show…._for eating a burrito too_.

Noah: I'm firing you all after this mission…..

Claire is stuck in her nightmare….in a tent…in Wal-Mart…with Sylar.

Claire: This sucks….

Sylar (with a guitar): Sing with me, Claire…._My bologna has a first name…it's S-Y-L-A-R!_

Claire: _You named your bologna after yourself?!_ That's stupid.

Sylar: Well, what else am I going to name it, Claire?

Claire: O-S-C-A-R?

Sylar: Who the hell is Oscar?

Claire: Forget it….

Sylar: I'm really glad you're with me on this trip Claire….it's like we're brothers…

Claire: I'm a girl….just saying….

Sylar: Can you make another one of those delicious smores?

Claire: Fine….why are you so nice, anyway….._you know that always ends up a disaster?_

Sylar: I've just had time to redeem myself and my actions….it's made me a better person. It corrected me to be a more established member of society.

Claire: You just compared Wal-Mart to _prison_. I hope their lawyers don't hear about this.

Steve (one of the Wal-Mart lawyers, slamming down a phone): _DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER! We have a case!!!_

Bob (head lawyer): Okay, men. Time to sue! GO! GO! GO!

All the lawyers slide down a pole to their Law-Mobile, driving away to the writer's homes.

Claire: UH….

Sylar: Well, you've been here as long as I have….it tends to make you a better person.

Claire: How long have you been here?

Sylar: _40 years!_

Claire: You don't look 40….and not only that you're a manifestation of my memory…the real Sylar is out there doing something stupid….

Sylar: It'll feel like 40 years here….but when you get to the outside, it'll only be hours.

Claire: Well, that's just fantastic…..

A van zooms by, en route to the hospital for the final battle with Munroe. Mohinder is driving, while Peter navigates with a treasure map he ripped off the back of a box of Captain Crunch.

Peter: Too bad it rips up the roof of your mouth when you eat it though. It feels like gravel, but it tastes like heaven.

Mohinder: I'd watch what you say about the cereal companies, Peter.

Captain Crunch Lawyers: _LAWSUIT!!!_

The lawyers slide down a pole to their own Law-Mobile and drive off to the writer's homes.

Niki is in the back with Matt, who is pointing his finger at her.

Niki: What are you doing?

Matt: What are you talking about?

Niki: I get it. It's one of your _extra annoying days_. We'll I'm not going to let it bother me. My therapist told me to find my center.

Matt: But I'm not touching you.

Niki: You're talking and breathing on me, that's bad enough.

Matt: But I'm still not touching you….(starts moving his hand around)….up here…..or around here….or over here…..or down here.

Mohinder slams into a speed bump, _Matt accidentally plunges his finger into Niki's nose_. SPLORK!

Niki: AHHHHHHHHH!

Matt: Uh….

Niki (covering her nose) Matt, have you lost your ever lovin mind?!

Matt: It was an accident!

Niki: Oh my god…you just violated my face!

Matt suddenly realizes he has a nice, _green, present on his finger._

Matt: EWWWWWWWWWWW!!! _BOOOGER!_

Niki: What, now?!

Matt: Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!

Niki: _Stop flicking it!_ You're so gross!

Matt: AHH! The Germs! The icky germs!

Niki: It's your own damn fault….ow…I think my nose is bleeding, how far did you cram it up there….oohhhh….

Mohinder looks into his mirror at Niki and Matt, both screaming bloody murder.

Mohinder: Don't get involved, Mohinder….eyes on the road.

Matt: Uh oh…_I lost it._

Niki: WHAT?!

Matt: I flicked it, and I guess it flew off somewhere?

Niki: Oh god, I hope it's not in my hair…..

Matt: I think it is.

Niki: AHHH!

Matt: AHHH!

Mohinder: Will you two _shut the hell up?!_ For crying out loud, it's just a booger! Grow up…..ugh…I'm surrounded by children…..

Peter: Hey, Mohinder, _what's that on your hand?_

Matt: Hey, Peter found it. Good job, buddy!

Mohinder: AHHHHHHH!!!!

Mohinder lets go of the wheel, the van plummets through the front window of the flower shop.

Mohinder, Niki, Peter, and Matt: ………………..

Peter: …..Actually…..(wipes the blob off Mohinder's hand, examines it, then licks it)……it's Guacamole……..GASP! Mohinder! YOU ATE MY BURRITO! I KNEW IT!

Mohinder: Okay, I did! Allright!? I was going to replace it but I forgot……

Niki: I'm going to throw up.

Back in the elevator on Level 29…..Monica is lying on the floor of the lift.

Monica: So….hungry.

Sandra: Oh, I might have something for you.

Sandra hands her a breath mint.

Monica: Thanks……ugh….it tastes like plastic.

Sandra: Did you take the wrapper off?

Monica: I'm not stupid! Of course I did.

Sandra: Hmm….then the mint was probably a plastic one.

Monica: Who the hell buys plastic mints?!

Hiro is still passed out, Ando is still trying to wake him, Micah can't do anything. They're pretty much screwed, next scene.

Micah: HEY!

45 minutes later, the van (after being pulled out of the flower shop) finally pulls up to the hospital and breaks down.

Niki: We're here! I'm finally off this death trap!

Peter: At least we made it in one piece.

Matt gets a call from Noah.

Matt (answering): Sir!

Noah: What is your status?

Matt: Mohinder finally confessed to eating Peter's burrito. Though Niki's booger is still at large….

Noah: WHAT?!

Niki: Let me talk to him!

She swipes the phone.

Niki: We're at the damn hospital.

Noah (in the car): About time….okay, you need to split up into two groups, A and B. I'll be there shortly.

Niki: Why are you coming along?

Noah: I have my reasons. Put me on speakerphone real quick.

Niki turns on the speakerphone, everyone gathers around.

Noah: Now, Team A will make their way into the main circuit room in the basement and switch the power off, that will only give you a 1 minute and 30 seconds to get everyone out of the elevator. When the electricity comes back on, a large group of failsafe protocols that even Micah can't touch will go off, letting go of the car. Team A will need to rush to the level they are on….

Niki: Which is?

Noah: Don't know yet.

Niki: That's great, how many levels are there?

Noah: 30.

Niki: Wonderful.

Noah: Team A will need to search every floor with the minute and a half they have.

Niki: Which is impossible.

Noah: ….find the right floor, get everyone out of there.

Peter: What about the other team?

Noah: Team B…..go get Munroe.

Peter: I'm on Team B.

Noah: Yes….Peter and Mohinder, I want you 2 on Team B….Niki and Matt on A.

Niki: Uh….I'm like, 1000 times stronger than Matt and Mohinder, shouldn't I be on Team B? Kicking Munroe's butt?

Noah: No, Parkman is better with electronics. And I need you to protect him.

Niki: Uh….no he's not. We've been through a thousand toasters…..and me…protect him?

Matt: Then who is going to protect me from Niki?

Niki: He's right….who will protect him from me?

Noah: We wasted enough time, move out!

Noah hangs up…shortly before his phone rings again.

Noah (answering): What is it?

Munroe: I see your lackeys coming into the hospital….pretty bold move.

Noah: Of course those morons would use the front door…..

Munroe: That's okay, none of that matters. I see Peter….where is Claire?

Noah: She's not a part of this.

Munroe: You already sabotaged my plan last time….I will have things go more smoothly this time around.

Noah: I know you released the video of Claire….why?

Munroe: Well….to be honest, that wasn't all my idea.

Noah: You're working for someone?

Munroe: ….you don't need to know who I'm working with….all that matters is that you bring Claire. You have 10 minutes.

He hangs up.

Claire and Sylar are walking through Wal-Mart. They reach the front door.

Claire: The front door.

Sylar: Yes, I would one of these days like to go through that door.

Claire: How long have I been here?

Sylar: 2 days…..but those days will turn into weeks….months….years…….but it'll all be worth it….just for a chance to open the door.

Claire steps on the door mat, which electronically opens the door.

Sylar: GAH!

Claire: Hmm…..yay!

Sylar: How did you do that….what was the lesson you learned from your time here?

Claire: That Matt and Peter in the same room will always lead to disaster……and no matter the crime, if a person is truly sorry and wishes to redeem themselves, it can be done……and I'm out of shampoo and should get some the next time I'm at real Wal-Mart.

Sylar: Good enough, bye Claire! See you soon!

Claire (waving goodbye, walking out): Not looking forward to it!.....Later!....

Claire wakes up, sitting in an upright position…she cannot move…since her legs are missing.

Claire: AHHHHHHH!!! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!

Voice: Ahh! You're awake!

Suddenly, _Tracy Strauss_, one of Niki's identical twin sisters, comes charging in, holding both of Claire's legs…which are apparently frozen.

Claire: …..Okay….Niki…what's going on?

Tracy: Hi, Claire…..it's actually Tracy….but that's okay…..well, Niki and the others dropped you off for safe keeping, I was carrying you inside and accidentally froze your lower half. Haha….

Claire: And you broke my legs off.

Tracy: Accident! Anyway, all we need to do is position these like so…..and I'll grab my hair dryer…..and we'll be right as rain!

Claire: ……_didn't you turn into a snow cone and get eaten by Parkman?_

Tracy: I did….he's not all there……but I made it out okay….…._all things pass eventually_.

Claire: Ew.

After 10 minutes of thawing, Claire's legs attach themselves back to her body.

Claire: Ahh….much better.

Tracy: Great! Another crisis averted.

Claire: I need you to drive me to the hospital.

Tracy: Well…..they wanted me to keep you here.

Claire: But….

Tracy: Well, I never though of it like that…..Okay, I'll take you.

Claire: What?

Tracy: Hop in my car. I paid off all my speeding tickets so I can get you there real quick.

Claire: I don't think they work like that….

Claire looks up sees someone….she double takes and the person is missing.

Claire: Huh….that….was odd.

Meanwhile, in a lesser subplot….Elle is sitting in prison, counting away the tally marks.

Elle (with a long, grey, beard): Oh….prison sucks…..ooohhhhh

Cellmate: You've only been here for a day! Quit whining…..

Guard: Miss Bishop….we're letting you go.

Elle: Wh…what? But….I ran over Claire Bennet!

Guard: Your bail was paid….you are free to leave.

Elle: I thought I was going to be here for life?

Guard: The person getting you out pulled some strings and talked to the judge. You are free to leave.

Elle rips off her beard and exits her cell. She makes her way to the main lobby of the police department to find _Nathan _standing there.

Elle: Oh, hey Nathan. Could you move? You may be standing in front of the guy who got me out of…..it was you wasn't it?

Nathan: That's right.

Elle: Why?

Nathan: Well, I think in our '_circle_', we all know you didn't kill her. So I thought I'd use some of my mayoral power to get you off the hook. I mean….you did save all of us from being exposed…..though you used an odd way of doing it….anyway…this is to show my thanks.

Elle: Your welcome….so……is that it?

Nathan: Actually…..I came to offer you a job.

Elle: What? As your receptionist?

Nathan: Well…she did quit, she got tired of answering to the press all the time. But you would be more of an…assistant.

Elle: Isn't your mom doing that?

Nathan: Not anymore….I had to….put her to out to pasture.

Elle: You killed her!?

Nathan: NO! I meant….let her go.

Elle: Why?

Nathan: Well, I haven't been mayor for long, and my affiliates are pulling out left and right because I'm not doing so hot….especially with news stories like _these_…

_EXTRA! EXTRA!:…Mayor of New York gets slaughtered in local bowling match, by his own Mother! The people lose faith!_

Nathan: Can't have that. So….what do you say?

Elle: Sorry, Nathan…I already have a job.

Nathan: Really….working for a man who has not only put you on the sidelines to make way for his new 'dream team' but was responsible for your banishment to Egypt and didn't even attempt to get you out of prison after saving his Claire Bear. He didn't even ask Tracy Strauss to pose as your aunt!

Elle: That's true….

Nathan: He still hasn't even given you a real gun yet….

Elle pulls out her gun and fires, the BANG! flag shoots out.

Nathan: You deserve better……what do you say?

Elle: ………I'll do it.

Back in the hospital. Niki and Matt reach the basement.

Niki: This is impossible, how are we going to know what floor they are on?

Matt: Beats me.

Niki: There's no signal so can't call anyone.

Matt: Let's assume it's on a floor that's probably near the top. If the car was going to fall to their deaths, the first few floors probably wouldn't do too much damage.

Niki: That's true. Okay….it's a long shot. But I'll start running toward the top, give me 5 minutes…then hit the switch.

Matt: Got it.

Niki runs over and takes an emergency stairwell.

Peter and Mohinder walk up to a set of double doors.

Peter: That must be his office….I can tell since it's the double doors and all.

Mohinder: Yup……Ready when you are.

Peter: Yeah…….

Mohinder: Well…..

Peter: Right.

Mohinder: What are you afraid of? He doesn't have any powers!

Peter: I'm not afraid of anything. I can go.

Mohinder: Then go….

Peter: What's stopping you?

Mohinder: I…uh….would rather you go first…..I'll back you up.

Peter: Great.

Niki is charging up the stairs….she makes it to the 30th floor, she runs up to the elevator and bangs on it.

Niki: Micah! You in there?....No…damn….guess I better start working my way down…..I thought Noah was coming? Oh well…..

Back in the basement, Matt switches the trigger, the electricity goes off in the entire hospital.

Munroe, in his office, is looking around.

Munroe: They cut off the electricity to everything…dammit!

He slams the console with his fist.

Peter kicks in the double doors…..

Peter: The show is over….uh…..huh?

They are in a storage room.

Mohinder: Oh….his office must be down the hall.

Peter: Well, _that was anti-climactic!_

Niki runs up to the Level 29 elevator door and bangs on it.

Micah: Huh? Who is that?

Niki: Micah? It's me! I'm letting you out!

Micah: Watch out, mom! He'll cut the cable!

Niki: We're fine for a little bit longer.

Niki grabs onto the doors and starts to pry them open.

Niki: We only have a few seconds! Everyone, get out!

Micah and Monica jump out. Sandra crawls out as well.

Niki: Hurry, Ando!

Ando: Coming, Internet Stripper!

Niki: Don't call me that!

Ando tries to pick up Hiro and carry him. The lights come back on…the cable snaps, and the elevator falls. Monica gasps.

Niki: Oh crap!

In the falling elevator:

Ando: AHHHHHH! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!....Hiro! Wake up!....Come on! We're about to be crushed.

Hiro (conveniently waking up): ….oh Ando…..it's you…..I had the craziest dream…..

Ando: Don't care! Get us out of here!

Hiro: But I'm not supposed to….wait….where am I?

Ando: We're in a falling elevator about to die in a matter of seconds!

Hiro: Then I must do what is right. For it is my duty…..to boldly go where no man has gone…

Ando: HURRY IT UP!

Hiro grabs Ando's arm and teleports as the car makes a loud crash from the impact of the ground floor.

Niki: Hope they made it….oh well, time to go! This way!

They run off, Monica doesn't get too far when a hand comes out of the shadows and grabs her from behind.

Monica: URF!

Off in a hallway, Monica is still held captive.

Voice: You've been getting rusty with your power, haven't you _Miss Dawson_?

The assailant lets go….Monica spins around.

Monica: …._Principal Stiles_?

Stiles: Surprised to see me? You didn't think I was going to let the whole '_you getting me thrown in prison'_ thing slide, did you?

Monica: …….

Elsewhere…

Micah: Uh oh!

Niki: What?

Micah: We lost Monica!

Niki: She better not be in a warehouse _cause I'm not falling for that again!_

Micah: We need to find her!

Niki: Okay….stay close.

Niki, Sandra, and Micah look for Monica.

Peter and Mohinder break down Munroe's door….he looks up at them.

Tracy's car pulls up to the hospital. Claire hops out, thanks her for the ride, and runs inside.

The crushed elevator shaft is on the bottom floor, noone is in it.

Firefighters have finally managed to douse the flames of the burning school. One of the firefighters says they found a body.

Sylar walks into Jax's room, he motions to come with him. Jax gets up and follows him out.

Elle and Nathan leave the station.

Elle: Actually, I do need to help my old boss with something before I start working for you.

Nathan: Sure.

Elle: ….Think…._you could give me a lift_?

Nathan: …..sigh……just this once.

Elle stands behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

Nathan: I really need to start charging for this.

Nathan takes off soaring into the air.

Noah is driving, he slams on his breaks in front of Angela's house. He gets out, concealing a gun, and makes his way inside. Angela watches from the window.

_To Be Continued_.

The final chapter of the volume/2nd book, hopefully should be up by this weekend.


	30. Twisted Logic

The Heroes Parody Project

Author's Note: What has it been, a month, what a way to stall the last chapter of the story. (Gets crap thrown at). Allrighty, let's end this bad boy!

_Disclaimer: The Heroes Parody Project a fan fiction based off of the show 'Heroes'. It is copyright NBC and Tim Kring, and I am not affiliated with any of the cast or crew. Reader Discretion is advised._

Peter, Claire, Hiro, and Niki are playing _Twister_. Mohinder spins the spinner.

Mohinder: Okay….right foot green!

Everybody follows suit.

Peter: This….is getting difficult.

Mohinder (spinning): Right hand yellow!

Niki: Come on! I can't do that…..

Mohinder: Left Hand Blue!

Hiro: OW! OW! OW!.....It burns….no human can reach that far.

Hiro drops to the ground.

Peter: HA! 1 down…3 to go……whoa…whoa…..ahhh!

Peter slips and falls.

Peter: CRAP!

Claire: …ho hum.

Niki: Claire, you don't seem to be having any problems.

Claire: Lucky I guess…

Niki: In fact…..I can't see how your leg can bend that far…….wait a minute….._CLAIRE'S CHEATING!_

Claire: WHAT!? No way…..

Niki: Whose idea was it to let the indestructible girl play Twister?

Mohinder: Good grief, you guys. Matt was banned from _Go Fish_, Nathan was banned from _Basketball_, and we all took a vote that if Isaac Mendez were still alive we'd ban him from _Pictionary_. I just don't see us as '_gaming' people_.

Hiro: I know how to solve this. The perfect game we can play…

Later….

Peter: Hey! Trivial Pursuit: Team Edition! That sounds good.

Claire: Looks like we're all on teams…..Hiro? Who is going to be on your team?

Hiro: Don't worry…..My partner should be here shortly.

Later….Hiro's Trivial Pursuit partner, _Charlie Andrews_ shows up.

Niki: You must be joking.

Charlie: Wow, Hiro….thanks for inviting me to play! I love Trivial Pursuit! I used to play it all the time with my grandma many years ago. This looks like the same edition too! We actually managed to get through all the cards! Isn't that just the bees knees? Well, nothing goes along with some good ol' competition like a glass of Sun Tea. Anybody want some? OH! Is it my turn already?

Peter: She already got all her pie pieces….and I haven't gotten one! (sobs) _I hate this game!_

Niki: Oh forget this…..how about a movie?

Everyone agrees.

Mohinder: I'll go get the popcorn.

Matt: I'll recap what's been going on in the story…._Previously on Heroes_….

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the new mayor of New York, Nathan Petrelli!

Niki: OH MY GOD!! We already know about this! How many times are they going to recap it?!

Peter: Actually, I can't remember. I'd like the full recap of the events thus far…

Niki: Oh jeez, this is going to take forever.

Matt (To Peter): Not to worry, Champ, allow me.

Matt pulls out a book, putting on some glasses.

Matt (reading): _A long, long, time ago…in the year 2006, there was an eclipse, and people who were once ordinary became extraordinary_….

Niki: Actually we had our powers before that……some of us were _born_ with them…….so…..yeah….just sayin…..

Matt: ….Really?

Niki: Yeah.

Matt: Oh….hmm…..well, forget I said anything. (Tosses the book to the side)

Peter: So…..no recap?

Niki: _Anybody reading this feel free to skip the next segment_.

She takes a huge breath.

Niki: _Nathan was sworn in as Mayor of New York. Angela wanted to be a part of his team which was just a front to fund the operations of 'The Company Deux' headed by her and Bennett. She accomplished this by framing Nathan's secretary, Sally, into kidnapping Nathan. He finds out and Angela convinces him to lend his support. MEANWHILE, Noah and Elle recruit Mohinder, Matt, and myself to be apprentice agents for The Company Deux, while Sylar has formed his own group of villainy, The Syndicate, with a ragtag group of forgettable characters including Dr. Terrible, Tiny, ASSASSIN!, and Bridget St. Clair..and his assistant, Jax. After the disastrous 'Remnants' volume which was a project used to create DNA (thus cloning) individuals based off memories (from Peter), several clones were made and all destroyed by Bennett at Area 51. Sylar managed to salvage one last working clone, Claude Raines. MEANWHILE, Peter…_

Peter: That's me!

Niki: We know that. _Peter and Claire were doing their usual 'I'm a lost soul trying to find myself' shtick_……nothing new….

Peter: HEY!

Niki: _They get jobs as doctors and meet new rival and volume antagonist, Dr. Munroe. _

Peter: _HISS_!

Niki: _…He gets suspicious of Peter and Claire's constant success with Patients. _(Since that's a bad thing apparently) _Also, a group of serial killings start to happen. Peter and Claire get jobs as cops, they think it's Sylar, but it turns out to be Munroe doing the killings. He shoots Claire, making her fall from the Hospital roof. MEANWHILE, Micah runs into Monica at the school and they overthrow their Principal who was extorting money for some stupid crap. The new Principal turns out to be Samson Gray, Sylar's dad, who was healed by Munroe, using the blood off his car that came from Claire after being shot, which is just stupid! Samson's role was to befriend Micah in order to get to Molly in order to find Sylar's hideout to get revenge. He sends Sylar on a wild goose chase until Sylar gets fed up with him and burns down the school with Samson still in it. MEANWHILE, Hiro's a teacher, has a problem with his students, everything gets resolved. Munroe released hidden video of Claire using her powers which shocked the world until Elle and The Haitian saved the day by running her over with a car, but this leads to Elle getting thrown in prison which Nathan came to rescue her, offering her a job as his new assistant. Then finally, Hiro, Ando, Sandra, Micah, and Monica were trapped on an elevator, saved by me, except for Hiro and Ando who disappeared, and Monica was just captured. Claire, with the help of Tracey Strauss_…

Peter: That's really going to confuse me…

Niki: _..is driving her to the hospital where Mohinder and Peter are about to have the final confrontation with Munroe. Noah is on his way to shoot Angela, but none of us are supposed to know that._ CAN WE START THE DAMN SHOW NOW!?

Peter: …..I think you skipped like…._four chapters_.

Niki: Not caring! Moving On!

Claire is in front of the hospital as Tracey Strauss drives away. She walks inside, the people still in the hospital don't seem to be phased by anything that's been going on. Claire proceeds across the reflective tile floor which reads:

_Chapter Thirty 'Twisted Logic'_

Claire walks to the elevator, which seems to be broken since it just finished crashing to the ground floor not too long ago. She takes the stairs, finishing the first scene of the episode with no speaking lines.

Claire: What a rip-off!

Well, at least one. MEANWHILE……

Micah: Mom! Monica just got kidnapped!

Niki: Well that's just great!

In a utility closet, Monica is being held hostage by ex-principal _Stiles_……

Niki: Oh crap! I forgot to mention that in the recap!

She looks at Micah who slaps his forehead.

Niki: _But we aren't supposed to know that_……MONICA! MONICA! Where are you?!

Stiles finishes tying Monica to a chair.

Monica: You sicken me! I actually thought you changed for the better…..well…..you didn't.

Stiles: Good choice of words.

Monica: Oh…..why didn't I watch that one video….?

---

Monica opens a box with two videos in it.

Monica: Okay…..'How To Escape From Ropes', a documentary about surviving the most heinous of hostage situations, _hosted by Morgan Freeman_….OR '_How to host documentaries like Morgan Freeman'_…._hosted by Morgan Freeman…_………Tough decision.

---

Stiles: So what do you have to say?

Monica: Well, _even though the Ostrich cannot fly. It is the world's fastest two legged animal, running at speeds of up to 45 miles per hour. A rate at which it can maintain for at least 30 minutes!_

Stiles: …..

Monica: _I suppose you can guess which tape I watched_….

= = =_ASTRONOMY LESSON= = = _

Teacher: Okay, class, today we'll be learning about our planet. The third planet from the Sun…..we call it '_HEROES…Created By: Tim Kring'_….

The students look at each other.

Teachers: …um…..that's….not right……..(flips through her book)….is it?

= = =_HEROES= = = _

Peter and Mohinder are standing across the room from Munroe.

Munroe: So….this is it. You finally caught me.

Peter holds up two fingers on both of his hands and starts moving them in different positions.

Peter: That's right! Evil will not prevail! Our priority is justice! Right makes might!

Mohinder: What are you, _Sailor Moon?_

Peter: I'm trying….

Mohinder: Well, _she doesn't sound like that!!!_

Munroe: ….so, are we done?

Peter: NO WAY! We've come this far, Munroe. You have to be stopped.

Munroe: You just don't understand….what all this is for, do you?

Mohinder: Oh boy….

Munroe: You see, I was once an esteemed doctor. I had it all. Then….it was taken away from me.

Peter pulls out a violin…..and starts to play….

_SCCCRREEEEEEEEE!!!_

Mohinder: AHHH!

Mohinder grabs the violin and hurls it across the room.

Peter: Aw….

Munroe: But you, Petrelli…..you took it away from me. With your power….

Peter: Actually that was Claire's fault. You should be having this conversation with her.

Claire (entering): _Oh, he will be_…

Peter: Claire! That's so not fair. I don't get to walk into sentences like that…._I have such horrible timing_….

---

Niki: Oh, Aunt Mabel, why did she have to pass away like that?

Mohinder: That's just life, Niki. It's the natural order of things.

Niki: I know, I just wish I got to hug her one last time.

Peter barges in.

Peter: _That's what 'she' said!_

Niki and Mohinder stare at Peter in shock.

Later a bruised Peter is in his room.

Matt: So you burned all your dvd's of _The Office?_

Peter: Sure did!

Matt: How long did the doctor say until _your nose pops back out_?

Peter: 4 to 6 months.

Matt: Wow! Niki must have went easy on you. I'm still waiting on mine. See? This one's fake. Let me show you….

_-POP!-_

Peter: AHHHHHH!

---

Munroe: I don't care! Both of you! You destroyed my career!

Claire: We only saved like….2 patients. Don't you think you're being a bit overdramatic?

Munroe: I'll show you 'overdramatic'!

Claire: They always say that….

Munroe hits a button on his console and runs out of the room. Several armed guards storm in and open fire.

Peter: Don't let them hit Mohinder! _I need him for next Sunday's crossword puzzle!_

Mohinder: Gee! Thanks!

More guards bust in from the other side. Claire and Peter both take a few bullets.

Claire: Peter!

Peter: It's okay, I already stole your power.

Claire: Oh……okay then.

Guard: Arm the missile!

Claire: MISSILE!? Overkill much?!

Peter: A seven word term defining our situation…

Mohinder: _Screwed?_

Peter: See? That's why I keep him around. (Peter fills in the blanks on his crossword puzzle)

Claire: Ugh…..

MEANWHILE…..at The Syndicate…..Sylar and his assistant Jax were walking out to the helipad.

Jax: Where am I going, sir?

Sylar: Back to Area 51. I want you to salvage whatever information possible from the remnant project.

Jax: But…it was all destroyed.

Sylar: I know, but there's got to be something! No go!

Jax boards the helicopter and it takes off into the air.

Back at the Hospital, Niki walks around a corner to find Monica tied up.

Monica (gagged): _MMMR! MRMMR! MRMRMR!_

Niki: Monica! I found you….let's get you out of here!

Monica: _MMMR!_

Niki takes the handkerchief out of her mouth.

Monica: It's a….

Niki gets knocked out by Stiles.

Monica: …trap.

Micah (peeking): Oh crud…..

Sandra: What's wrong?

Micah: We need to hide.

They run down the hallway and into a room.

Sandra: What are we going to do? If only Mr. Muggles were here!

Micah: Uh…yeah……..I have to make a call.

Sandra: Who are you calling?

Micah: Someone I could only contact in an emergency.

Claire, Mohinder, and Peter are backed into a corner.

Claire: This is the end….of Mohinder.

Mohinder: WHAT?!

Peter: She's right. _I call the monologues!_

Claire: You can have them.

Mohinder: HEY! I'M NOT DEAD YET!

Claire: What happened to those, you haven't done them in like _20 chapters_!

Mohinder: I was busy!

Something far away is hurdling towards the building.

Mohinder: What is that?

Peter: It's a bird!

Claire: It's Nathan.

Mohinder: It's a plane!

Claire: I just said it was Nathan…

Peter: An asteroid?

Claire: It's Nathan, Dammit!....wait….

Nathan comes crashing through the window, holding onto Elle.

Elle: Ugh….all that glass in my hair….

Nathan (groaning): I told you we could have just walked in….

Elle: But you carrying me is a lot more fun. You're like that _flying dog thing from The Neverending Story_.

Nathan: _The who to the what now_?

Guard: FIRE!

Elle and Nathan join the others in the corner as Elle puts her hands together. She spreads them apart as a wall of electricity fills out in front of them. The bullets come through the wall as pieces of ash.

Elle: AND…..HYAH!

She claps her hands together as the wall pushes away from them, frying every last guard in the room, leaving a sizzling trail.

Elle: That better be all of them, _I only get one of those a week!_

Peter: Munroe's getting away! Elle! Come with me! Nathan you stay here and make sure Mohinder finishes this crossword so I won't be behind come Sunday.

Mohinder: GRR!

Elle and Peter take off running.

Peter: Stupid final confrontations! The bad guy always runs to the top floor and I end up falling off somehow!

Elle: That didn't happen in the last Volume! You were fighting Hiro…..sort of.

Peter: I don't count that one.

Elle and Peter are in a narrow hallway. Guards show up on both sides, surrounding them.

Elle: We need to get rid of them fast! Ready?

Peter puts his hand on her shoulder.

Peter: Now I am.

Elle: Aw…

Peter: Had to steal your power.

Elle: Well, there was a touching moment thrown out the window. Okay, let's do this.

Standing back to back. Peter and Elle fling large ropes of lightning towards the guards.

Peter (coughing): I'm not used to '_burnt guard' smell_.

Elle: It's second nature to me! He's heading toward the roof!

Peter: Of course he is.

They run outside as Munroe's helicopter is taking off.

Elle: Fiddle Faddle! He got away!

Peter: Not yet…..

Elle: I could just shoot lighting at the helicopter.

Peter: That won't do. I'll be back.

Elle: Why won't it do!? It'll blow it up!

Peter runs back into Munroe's office.

Peter: Nathan! Munroe got away, I need a lift.

Nathan: Sure, you can take my power.

Peter: Well…I don't want to lose my 'lightning'….so…..

Nathan: Seriously?!

Peter nods.

Nathan: Ugh….you people are killing me…

Elsewhere…..A car pulls up to Angela's house. Noah gets out of the car and walks inside. She is watching him from her window.

Angela: Ah….so today is the day.

Butler: Mrs. Petrelli…..

Angela: Yes, Noah is here. Send him on up……

Noah enters the room.

Angela: Noah, what a surprise. I wasn't expecting you to be here.

Noah: ……..

Angela: Penny for your thoughts?

She stands up. Noah pulls out a gun.

Angela: Hmm…..can't speak huh? You've had plenty of opportunities to kill me in the past, Noah. Like at the bowling alley, you could have dropped that bowling ball right on my head!

Noah: …..

Angela: So, tell me Noah, if you can……._who's pulling your strings?_

Noah fires the gun four times. Angela falls to the ground. He turns around and leaves without saying a word.

Angela: ……._Rosebud_………wait, that's not my dying word…..what was it…?

Angela summons enough strength to reach for a notebook in her desk. She flips through the pages.

Angela: …….ah………._Gallon of 2 percent Milk!_…..oh hell, _that's my shopping list!_ Oh screw it, _Rosebud's fine!_

Angela slumps back down to the ground in a pool of blood.

Micah is peeking in on the scene of Monica and Niki tied up. Stiles is loading his gun.

Stiles: You honestly can't be shocked. I mean….you, Miss Dawson, as well as Mr. Sanders, you both ruined my career. You got me fired for stealing just a little money from the school. It didn't affect you one bit. Yeah, your silly after school class got cancelled, but what you did to me…..was unforgivable.

Niki: Well, at least his motive is better than Munroe's….

Monica nods in agreement.

Stiles: I was able to pull some strings and help _Samson Gray_ become the new principal. In return he was able to get me out of prison.

Niki: For reasons not explained I'm sure.

Stiles: He wanted to find his son….and I wanted to find the two people who destroyed my life. Both of us were desperately seeking _Retribution_.

Niki: That's fascinating…..

Stiles: And now…..(cocks his gun, aiming it at Niki)….to finish some….un…finished business.

Niki (to Monica): I swear I'm never saving you again.

Monica: It's not my fault this crap keeps happening!

Micah (hidden): I have to do something!

Sandra: Don't! He'll kill you too!

Micah: I thought you were hidden somewhere else! How long have you been standing there?

Sandra: Long enough….

Micah: Uh……(looking at his watch)…..Come on…..

Stiles closes his eyes for a second.

Stiles: Strange…I can…see myself…….as if I were standing…(yelling)…_In the utility closet in the back of the room_!

Micah: Oh crap!

Sandra: You think he means us?

Micah: Uh….

Stiles: Come on out, Micah.

Micah: Yeah…he does. I forgot he had that power, damn!

Both Micah and Sandra walk out into the room.

Stiles: On your knees…..both of you.

They drop to the ground.

Stiles: Well, looks like I'll be getting my revenge. And it'll only take four bullets.

Sandra: If I may ask…what did I do to get on your bad side?

Stiles: Nothing…._and that's all it takes._

Sandra: That's a stupid answer!

Stiles: Well, in that case I'll start with you.

Sandra hops to her feet and pulls a gun out of her purse.

Sandra: Quite the contrary…it is _I who will be starting with you!_

Monica: I'm confused, is she going to kill us instead?

Niki: Probably.

Stiles: Foolish woman….put down the gun.

Sandra: …..

Micah (whispering): _Are you really going to shoot him?_

Sandra (whispering): _I don't have any bullets…_

Micah: _What?!_

Sandra: I SAID I DON'T HAVE ANY BULLETS….uh oh….

Stiles: This is just sad.

Micah slaps his forehead. Stiles is about to shoot Sandra when Niki breaks her rope restraints and hops up after Stiles, he turns and shoots her in the foot.

Niki: AGH! _Son-of-a-biscuit eater!_

Monica: A what?!

Stiles: Next time, I won't miss…..get back to the chair!

Micah starts to move. Stiles shoots him a look.

Stiles: Back to the chair.

Niki: There's a bullet in my foot, you jerk wad! Moving is a little rough right now!

Stiles: I've had enough.

Stiles aims for Niki's head, his finger is on the trigger. Suddenly, _a hand comes out of the wall and grabs Stiles' hand, pointing it upward as the gun goes off. The hand pulls Stiles through the wall_.

Niki: …..

Monica: …..

Micah: …..

Sandra: ……(tries to pop a piece of candy in her mouth, but misses entirely)

Niki (looking at Micah): …._you didn't._

Micah: …._I did._

Meanwhile, in the sky, Munroe's helicopter zooms by.

Munroe (to the pilot): How is everything?

Pilot: Something seems to be incoming….

Munroe: What?.....

Outside, Nathan is carrying Peter to the copter.

Peter: Nathan, just drop me off. I can take care of Munroe….get back to the hospital case Elle needs more help. Just don't help Mohinder with my crossword, that's cheating.

Nathan: You sure?

Peter: Yeah, I got this.

Munroe walks back into the main compartment of the copter. Peter slides in as Nathan flies off, Peter keeps sliding until he falls out the other side.

Peter: CRAP!

Peter clings on to a lower section of the helicopter. Munroe is standing over him.

Peter: Uh….hey buddy. Wanna give me a hand?

Munroe kneels down, pulling out a knife.

Peter: Oh, that never equals good times…..

Munroe plunges the knife as Peter lets go with one hand, still holding on with the other. Before he can take another stab, Peter shoots a bolt of electricity at him, sending him flying backward. Peter climbs himself back inside.

Munroe: You won't take this away from me!!

Peter: Take what?! _You're motives are so unclear!_

Munroe takes a few swipes at Peter, finally slashing his stomach.

Peter: AHH! My stomach….I put food in that, you bastard!

Peter tackles Munroe, they roll around until Munroe has Peter pinned. He holds the knife to his throat, inches away from the skin as Peter pushes back on it.

Peter: Not cool……oh wait.

Peter grabs Munroe's arm and start sending thousands of volts into his body. Munroe flops off of him.

Peter: Give up?

Munroe (breathing heavily): ….you may have won….

Peter: Finally!

Munroe: But that doesn't mean you'll make it out alive…..

Munroe pulls out a gun and shoots the Helicopter pilot in the head.

Peter: OF COURSE!!

The helicopter starts hurdling towards the ground, spinning out of control. Peter and Munroe fall around in the back, trying not to fall out.

Nathan is back on the hospital roof about to head inside when he hears a giant crash.

Nathan: Oh crap, I should have saw that coming.

Nathan runs and takes off into the air again. He lands behind an alley so nobody sees him and runs to the wrecked helicopter.

Nathan: Peter! Peter! You in here?

Nathan looks around, he sees the dead pilot, and a dead Munroe……Peter is nowhere to be found….

Nathan: _Of course…._

Nathan starts to turn around, looking to see where Peter could have gone. He keeps turning….and turning….and…

Nathan: _…dizzy…and…ugh_…(falls down)

Back at Syndicate, Sylar is sitting down. He gets a phone call.

Sylar (answering): Yeah?

Samson (on the phone): _You know that's twice you left me for dead now_….

Sylar hops to his feet.

Sylar: Impossible!.....

Samson: But….at this point I can say we're even….how about we start fresh.

Sylar: You can't be alive.

Samson: I want you to do something for me. _One of your employees has betrayed you. They have placed a bomb that will detonate in a matter of minutes. You need to disarm that bomb_.

Sylar: Why should I believe you?

Samson: Because you need to learn to start trusting your father. So there!

Sylar: You're not my father….so double there!

Sylar takes off, he gets to the right floor.

Samson: _Open the control panel to your right_.

Sylar: Are you watching me?

Samson: Just do it.

Sylar opens the panel, a bomb is in there.

Sylar: Wow….amazing…..this is pretty low.

Samson: There are two wires, red and blue….

Sylar: Straight from the movie cliché archives….

Samson: Cut both of those wires.

Sylar: Both?

Samson: Yes.

Sylar: ……what if I don't?

Samson: Then you'll go boom……

A timer ticks away, with seconds remaining.

Sylar: Ugh…..fine……(he cuts both the wires)….

Samson: Good, now, are you willing to accept my peace offering?

Sylar: Never.

Samson: Hmm…..I knew you'd say that, I'll leave you with this. Your associate is going to call you and inform you that he found absolutely nothing at Area 51…

Sylar: How do you know about that?

Samson: My predecessor _can see through anyone's _perspective. I know more than you think. Back to what I was saying, your assistant will find nothing except for the body of the clone of _Claude Raines_…..funny, if the clone is there…._then whose been working for you this entire time_?

Sylar: ………

Samson: ….._someone who is a former agent of 'The Company'_?

Sylar: ………

Sylar's phone starts to ring, it's Jax.

Samson: Since you say I'm not your father, _you probably shouldn't trust strangers_.

Sylar: …..

(_Click)_

Sylar takes off running down the hallway, the end of the hall has a giant window. Sylar stops, leaning up against the glass surface, while miles away, _Claude Raines_ holds up a detonator. His thumb presses down on the button, and waves of flame pour through the hallways of the Syndicate, shortly before the building collapses. Claude smirks while turning around to walk away, fading out of view.

Back at the hospital…..Niki, Micah, Monica and Sandra, meet up with Claire and Mohinder. Matt shows up.

Matt: Hey guys!

Niki: Where the hell were you?!

Matt: Those stairs man…..whew!

Niki: You spent the entire last chapter running up stairs!? God, you're worthless!

Matt: Well, a few breaks here and there.

Niki: Well, that's the least of my worries…..(shoots a look at Micah)

Micah: What?! The day is saved…..

Claire: It sure is…..oh, and by the way…

Claire walks over and kicks Matt in the shins.

Matt: OW!

Claire: That's for locking me in a dream with _Sylar!_ Who does that?! Seriously…

Niki: …I don't wanna know.

Mohinder (voice over): _What is it about revenge? The retribution we strive to achieve just to get back at someone who has done us wrong in the past_…

Niki: Oh, here he goes….we could have ended the volume just fine….

Mohinder (v.a): _SHH!...anyway, is this act of 'getting even' solve anything? Does it make someone better? Or just make them as bad as the person before? _

The school, just a pile of ashes.

Mohinder: _A psychotic son?_

The Syndicate, also a pile of ashes.

Mohinder: _A scorned father?_

Stiles is back in prison, the bars close.

Mohinder: _A former leader of education?_

Nathan sits on the sidewalk as the road crew cleans up the Helicopter mess, wheeling away Munroe's body.

Mohinder: _Or a once prestigious doctor?_

A car is stuck in a ditch off the side of the road. Noah is passed out over the steering wheel. Meanwhile, paramedics show up at Angela's house.

Mohinder: _Or for a reason beyond our control? All of them, every last one of them, are stuck in a state of twisted logic, thinking that retribution will solve all our problems. It only adds more, more than one can imagine. The ends…never justify the means_.

Mohinder is by himself in the hospital parking lot….everyone else went home.

Mohinder: Well, that's just rude!

_End Of Volume Six_

_Volume Seven 'Prophecies'_

Peter wakes up in an underground cellar somewhere.

Peter: Oh….man….where am I?.....

A woman walks into the room. It is speedster _Daphne Millbrook_.

Peter: Daphne? What are you….

Daphne: Get up!

She tosses a bag into his stomach.

Peter: OOF!

Daphne: Hurry it up, we gotta move….(she loads a gun)

Peter: Um….care to do some explaining?

Daphne: The year is 2010….two years after the worlds destruction from the _Shanti virus_.

Peter busts out laughing.

Peter: That was the plot from _Season 2!_ Nobody cares about that.

Daphne: This chick does.

She hold up a picture of _Caitlin_.

Peter: Oh crap…..You must be joking?! NOT HER!

Daphne: When you stopped the virus everything was supposed to go back to normal, but someone from the past being stuck in the future it created a time paradox. Your 2010 is all fine and good, _this 2010_ is stuck in limbo.

Peter: So I have to go save Caitlin because I left her in the future.

Daphne: Nope….she hates your guts.

Peter: WHAT!?

Daphne: She wants you dead. First she was all "_Peter is so awesome and great and he can do no wrong" BARF! _(sticks finger down throat)

Peter: That's nice….wait….why isn't everyone dead?

Daphne: The world's destruction was still prevented thanks to you….we just have two alternate timelines and it's just screwed up because a person from a different time can't just disappear into the non-existent prevented future. It doesn't work like that.

Peter: Ah….

Daphne: We have to bring her back eventually….._we're here to rescue Hiro and Ando_.

Peter: They're here?!

Daphne: Suit up. We head out in 10.

Peter: I can't believe this is the plot…..

Daphne: Heh….this is just the beginning, the real one is right over there….you drew those in your sleep.

Peter gets out of bed and looks at 5 paintings, each one depicting a disaster to the world, except for the fifth, which was drawn on but marked out.

Peter: A pointless rehashed storyline AND _5 disasters?!_......In one volume?! _Give me a break!_

Daphne: We better get a move on. I'll scout ahead.

Daphne zips out of the room. Peter plops back down on the bed.

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_Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing! (And putting up with my off-and-on-ness) I hope you enjoyed it. The next story I'll start putting up April 4__th__._

P.S _To any of the collective groans about bringing back Caitlin because I'm sure I'm not the only person who has done it, it's not the main plot, honest._


End file.
